


These Lines of Lightning (Mean We're Never Alone)

by deadlysansa



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Developing Friendships, F/F, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Hogwarts, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mutual Pining, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:41:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 180,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21831610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadlysansa/pseuds/deadlysansa
Summary: James and Lily find themselves at a crossroads with one another in a rapidly changing wizarding world. As if navigating life, relationships and schoolwork at Hogwarts wasn't hard enough. Marauders era fic beginning in sixth year, 1976.
Relationships: Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Mary Macdonald/Marlene McKinnon
Comments: 177
Kudos: 355





	1. James, Lily and the Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own the world or characters of Harry Potter used in this story. All rights belong to JK Rowling.
> 
> Welcome! I have been dying to write a Marauders fic for literally a decade so here I finally am! I hope you enjoy my interpretation of this era, I love these characters so much.
> 
> "Snape's Worst Memory" is pretty much the main catalyst to this fic.  
> My main characters are James, Lily, the Marauders, Marlene McKinnon, Mary Macdonald and Alice Fortescue.
> 
> I have tried to be as accurate as I can in terms of fitting in with canon and who would have realistically been at Hogwarts in the 70s but there are always going to be mistakes or creative licensing!!
> 
> For Amy.

> _Do not stand at my grave and weep_
> 
> _I am not there; I do not sleep_
> 
> _I am a thousand winds that blow_
> 
> _I am the diamond glints on snow_
> 
> _I am the sun on ripened grain_
> 
> _I am the gentle autumn rain_
> 
> _When you awaken in the morning’s hush_
> 
> _I am the swift uplifting rush_
> 
> _Of quiet birds in circled flight_
> 
> _I am the soft stars that shine at night_
> 
> _Do not stand at my grave and cry_
> 
> _I am not there; I did not die._

By Mary Elizabeth Frye

  
  


_The Hogwarts Express, 1st September 1976_

“For the love of Merlin, would you please move?”

“Marlene!” 

“I really hate first years.”

“Well, you can’t shove them like that. I’m a Prefect.”

“You were a Prefect last year.”

“I’d like to keep that up, if you don’t mind.”

“Anything for you, Lil.”

“There’s Alice!”

“Seriously, _move!”_

Lily Evans practically flung herself into the train compartment, desperate to take refuge from the heaving corridor. Marlene McKinnon shortly followed, swearing in irritation. 

“Finally!” Alice Fortescue said, already in the compartment and looking harassed. 

“Sorry, sorry,” Lily apologised. “I had the Prefects meeting and Marlene insisted on waiting for me.” 

“I’m so attached to her,” Marlene said dryly. 

“I had to fend off a group of fourth years to keep this.” Alice complained.

“Fourth years?” Asked Lily, disentangling her red hair from her messenger bag. 

“They’ve grown a real attitude over the summer,” Alice replied indignantly. 

Marlene snorted, “I’m sure they have, love.” She planted a smacking kiss on her cheek and Alice giggled, her creased brow clearing. Lily hugged her friend with a grin; Alice was the smallest out of them and mostly sweet tempered, so it was always brilliant to watch her get riled up. 

Marlene, on the other hand, was almost always ready to fight, but her long golden curls and troublemaker grin usually stopped her opponents in their tracks first. 

Lily felt what she could only describe as a relief to be back at Hogwarts for their sixth year. As they shot past cities and into the countryside, her lonely summer felt far behind. Good. 

“Where’s Mary?” Marlene looked around the compartment as though she would find their friend hiding on the luggage shelf. 

Alice raised her eyebrows pointedly, pretending to flick through _The Daily Prophet_ , “She followed Benjy Fenwick down the platform and left me to grab all the bags.” 

“She’s still stuck on Fenwick?” Lily shook her head in sympathy for her friend. Mary Macdonald was their fourth member and Benjy, a charming Ravenclaw also in sixth year, had bought Mary a drink in The Three Broomsticks last year, and she hadn’t quite let it go. 

“Everyone’s stuck on Fenwick, Lily,” Alice reminded her, causing Marlene to roll her eyes. 

“She’s like a puppy following him around,” She said, poking treats through the gaps of her owl’s cage. Her eyes lit up and she smirked at Lily. 

The redhead shot her a warning look. “No.”

“Speaking of lovesick puppies…” Marlene said in delight. 

“Come on, Mar, I’m having such a good morning.”

“Has anyone seen James yet?” She asked innocently, and Alice poorly hid a smile. 

Lily folded her arms. “No, I have not,” She replied tartly. 

“Merlin, that is strange. Last September, you had already hexed him by eleven forty-five that morning,” Marlene recalled fondly. 

“There’s still time!” Alice chimed in and Marlene snorted. 

Lily slumped in her seat with a groan. The train had barely left London and James Potter had already made headlines in her life. She’d done a fairly good job of forgetting about him that summer in the safety of her muggle life, although losing her singular friend from home had made that slightly more difficult. With her only other option being spending time with her sister Petunia and her ridiculous new boyfriend, was it really Lily’s fault if she occasionally thought she saw him in a crowd at the supermarket, or leaving the park? Nobody resented her wandering brain more than her. Boredom was a killer. 

The end of her fifth year at Hogwarts had been a turning point in Lily’s life. A reality check, of sorts. Her final shred of childhood naivety had drowned in the Great Lake this past June as soon as the slur had left Severus Snape’s lips. She could hate him for that alone, stealing that trustworthy, open part of her. Lily thought she saw the world for what it was now, and the world proved to be exceedingly dark. 

And Potter… his guilt those last couple of weeks of the term had clearly plagued him. All he wanted to do was apologise for something he had not even done. So much so, that eventually Lily’s friends had decided that making fun of Potter was a good way to distract her. But after the heat of anger had cooled, Lily knew Potter may have been childish, but Severus was something much worse. He was hateful. 

Lily wasn’t about to give him a Potter a free pass, though. How unbearable would he be if he knew she didn’t think he was _completely_ tiresome? She shuddered. Potter’s incessant ambushes of date proposals had earned Lily all kinds of attention last year. She was annoyed that _this_ is how she had been placed on the map of Hogwarts: the unwavering object of James Potter’s affections. 

Mary’s flustered entrance jarred Lily from her thoughts, and she smiled up at the dark haired witch. As always, she was dressed smartly, today in a matching set of a blue blazer and trousers, her hair immaculate. 

“Nice of you to join us, Mary!” Marlene instantly stood, wrapping her up in a hug which no doubt messed up her hair on purpose. She cackled as Mary pushed her away, smoothing her hands over her head. 

“Watch it, Marlene!” She scowled, but couldn’t keep the smile from her face as the blonde stuck her tongue out and sat down, opening a box of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans. 

Mary collapsed onto the seat beside Lily and pulled her in for a delicate hug. “How are you, Lil? Did you survive the week at the McKinnon madhouse?”

A Bertie Bott’s bean flew across the carriage. 

Lily shrugged dramatically, “I’m here, aren’t I?” 

Mary laughed but her eyes softened as she asked, “You are alright, though? Your letters were miserable.”

Lily winced in memory. She may or may not have written a few letters laden with self-pity to her friends over the summer. Something about being friendless and her sister dating a walrus. 

“I’m fine,” She reassured her friend. “A week with Marlene and her three very loud brothers was enough to make me realise I should have valued the silence.”

More colourful beans were projectiled across the compartment by Marlene, and the four of them fell into laughter as they recalled their own experiences at the McKinnon household. As Alice pulled a face at the memory of the eldest brother Nicholas charming the bathroom toilet to flush in reverse, Lily thought it was good to be home. 

* * *

Many hours later, Lily and her friends disembarked from the train now dressed in their Gryffindor robes, Marlene still looping her tie around her neck as they walked with the crowds toward the carriages. The sky had opened and rain soaked Hogsmeade, but all four girls grinned at the looming castle above, candlelight glowing in the thousands of windows. Bundling into a carriage, Lily kept her eyes out the window as the others chatted, never taking her gaze off the steadily approaching turrets standing proudly against the night sky. A safe haven for them all. She glanced at Mary, now tying Marlene’s tie for her after not being able to look at the shabby attempt. Kind, sophisticated Mary, also muggle born. 

Thunder lit the sky as the carriage dropped them off at the entrance, several screaming second years darting past them. Lily scoffed and pushed her damp hair back as she led the way into the castle. They sighed in relief at the warmth that immediately greeted them inside. 

“Oh, look, there’s Emmeline!” Mary said, pointing out the Ravenclaw who waved at them from across the entrance hall. Alice immediately blushed as seventh year Gryffindors Frank Longbottom, Hestia Jones and Dorcas Meadowes greeted them with brief hugs before following the crowd into the Great Hall. 

All four of them charmed their robes dry and stepped forward as a voice found them. 

“Would you dry me off too, Evans?” 

Lily rolled her eyes and turned expectantly to see Potter, only to find Sirius Black grinning at her in the entrance hall with mischief in his dark yet warm eyes. He _was_ sopping wet, and she grimaced. Lily didn’t realise she had been awaiting Potter’s annoying entrance until it was his best friend before her. 

“How are my favourite Gryffindor sixth year girls?” 

Alice frowned as she did the math. 

“Hello, Sirius,” Lily replied apprehensively, raising an eyebrow. “All alone?” 

He winked at her, “I won’t tell James you asked after him, it might kill the poor sod.” 

Marlene snickered and Lily’s face flushed, annoyed. “You know what I mean. It’s so unusual to see you without your usual chorus of disruption is all.” 

“Alright, stop flirting with me, Evans,” He grinned at her scoff before taking Marlene and Alice’s arm in each of his with a flourish. “Shall I escort you to the Great Hall, my ladies?”

Marlene and Alice laughed as he whisked them away, leaving Mary to tug an already pissed off Lily along. 

The Great Hall was teeming with students waving across tables and hugging friends they haven't seen all summer. Shouts of laughter rang out as sparks flew across Lily and Mary’s path. Lily narrowed her eyes good naturedly at the third year Hufflepuffs who tried to hide the incriminating wands in their sleeves. 

“There they are,” Mary said to her, and Lily saw with some resignation that Marlene and Alice had chosen to sit with none other than their fellow sixth years, clearly guided by Sirius, who sat grinning, drumming his fingers on the table. The three other sixth year boys, or _The Marauders_ , as they so affectionately called themselves, were already there. Remus Lupin, folding up his paper, Peter Pettigrew, who spoke excitedly to her fellow prefect, and James Potter, hair tousled and shirt sleeves rolled up as he spoke to Marlene. 

Her chest gave a pinch she didn’t anticipate, and Lily coughed, as though someone would hear it. 

Oh Merlin, he looked good. 

Fine. 

She meant that he looked fine. Regular. Average. He had a nose and eyes and mouth. Big deal. 

Lily’s eyes skated over his arms, tanned and slightly more snug in his shirt sleeves from a no doubt brilliant summer playing quidditch every day. Also fine. From a purely loyal Gryffindor point of view, the house quidditch team couldn’t have their captain slacking off during the summer. Exercise was important. 

Lily gave herself a mental slap.

Alice had once joked that Potter had a ‘Lily radar’ as he always seemed to know when she was coming, but he didn’t look up as she approached. 

“We see who your favourites are, Sirius Black,” Mary said as a way of greeting and slid into the seat next to Peter very pointedly. 

“I’m playing hard to get,” he replied airily and she flipped him off. 

“Hello again, Lily,” Remus interrupted. She just grinned at him, having already seen him at the Prefects meeting this morning. Lily liked Remus a lot and she was glad her yelling at his closest friends every other day for the past few years had not impacted on his friendship with her. 

Peter nervously half-waved at her, and she returned the gesture with a laugh as her eyes found Potter’s. His hand seemed to jump up to his hair before falling somewhat awkwardly in the air between them as she took her seat opposite him, of all places. 

Perhaps they had room on the Ravenclaw table. 

Suddenly, he held out the hand instead and she raised her eyebrows at it. 

“All right, Evans?” He said casually, and the familiarity of his hazel eyes jarred her into taking his hand and shaking it once. His calloused hand was warm as he held her smaller one for a beat before withdrawing. 

She realised it might have been the first time she’d ever touched him. Lily’s hand felt like she’d grabbed hold of a live wire.

Lily cleared her throat. “Potter,” She said dismissively, if only to get some routine back and retreat to solid ground. 

“What the fuck?” muttered Marlene in awe. 

It was only then that Lily realised that the other six had been watching in silence with expressions ranging from smothered laughter to utter confusion. Lily folded her hands in her lap and frowned at them all. 

“What?” she asked at what she hoped would sound nonchalant but ended up as irritated. Her eyes darted once more to Potter whose eyes, for once, did not betray him. 

Lily could have kissed Professor Dumbledore and the rest of the professors for choosing that moment to arrive and call for silence. 

_Nope_ , she realised, silence was worse. 

Was she breathing too loudly? Oh, Merlin, why did she have to be opposite Potter? Lily wished she could scowl at him but frankly, he hadn’t done anything wrong. He had done precisely nothing toward or concerning her. She was on her guard even as he didn’t seem to pay Lily any heed and Professor McGonagall arrived with the Sorting Hat firmly in hand. 

Bristling, she concentrated on the first years as they skipped off to each house table. She attempted to make a note of each new Gryffindor’s name, as any good Prefect would, but the information dripped through her ears like water. Lily thought the absence of charmed bits of parchment carrying ridiculous pick up lines her way was putting her on edge. 

* * *

James Potter was stressed. 

All summer long, he’d thought about that day at the lake after the O.W.L. exam. That day - that entire year, really - all James wanted was for Lily Evans to look at him rather than Severus Snape. 

He could admit now that he hadn’t really thought about the repercussions it would have on her. He hadn’t considered that it would hurt her to lose a friend, even one as foul as Snape. Lily had an open mind and a loving heart, and she wanted to believe he could be better than everyone’s expectations. His blood began to boil, even now, at the memory of her face when he betrayed her in front of the castle that day. 

James had thought he would have revelled in Snape’s downfall, but he only saw her face. He didn’t care about that waste of space anymore. He didn’t even want to go near Snape, let alone hex him. The end of fifth year had been a turning point for James. 

Over the summer he had begun to mull over everything he had done for cheap laughs. What had once seemed harmless to him gradually flipped in his memory until he realised he might finally be looking at what Lily Evans had always seen. It wasn’t until a joke was at her expense did James realise that he perhaps _wasn’t_ funny (Merlin, his own growth surprised him). He had just been so desperate to make her laugh. Needless to say, he had not succeeded. 

It was Remus - tired of watching James sulk over the summer in the spare moments he had to miss a certain Gryffindor prefect who wouldn’t think of him at all - who recommended he take a step back this year. 

“He means chill the fuck out, Prongs,” Sirius had added helpfully. 

So James was chill. However, external only. He thought his brain might explode soon from being so quiet. He was doing it, though. He might have second, third and fourth-guessed himself today, but it was dinnertime, Lily was opposite him and he hadn’t even told her she looked gorgeous, which she did. Though she had dried off her robes, the drops of rain had curled the baby hairs surrounding her face and it was agonising for him to not comment on it. 

It didn’t help that he would never know how long she would have held their handshake had he not pulled away. He wasn’t sure what possessed him to hold out his hand like he was giving a job interview to a stranger instead of greeting a girl he’d known for five years, but he was bloody glad he had. 

Her hands were soft and cold from the rain. 

He was glad that the Sorting Ceremony had occurred when it had because coherent thoughts had escaped him. James was not surprised to find out that skin contact from Lily Evans was far better than a roll of her eyes, and James very much _liked_ when she rolled her eyes. She may as well have squeezed his poor old heart. James forced himself not to count every time she glanced up at him as the food appeared, but he did wonder if it was more than usual. He tuned into the conversation just as Alice spoke up. 

“You lot didn’t grace us with your presence on the train today, ” She looked at James. “Most unusual.” 

“They missed us!” Sirius exclaimed in a singsong voice. James didn’t have to fake his groan. He couldn’t believe his biggest concern wasn’t himself screwing up but Sirius. 

“I wish you’d talk less, Padfoot,” Was all he said. 

“So what’s the big prank this year?” Lily asked suddenly, and James jumped. 

“Who says there’s a prank, Evans?” He replied innocently. Her eyes were slightly narrowed, as though he was a potion brewing instruction she particularly disagreed with. 

“Says history,” She deadpanned. 

“She’s right, you always pull something out of your arses at the welcome feast,” Marlene agreed, helping herself to potatoes. 

“Charming, McKinnon,” Sirius tutted. 

“You’ve never asked before,” James replied to Marlene, but his eyes flicked back to Lily, who’s attention was on her plate. 

“She’s finally lost faith in me to keep you in line,” Remus said with mock solemn. 

Lily pointed her fork at him. “Bingo. You’ve let me down, Remus. Now here I am eating dinner with these heathens.”

James could feel his lips tugging upward and he fought hard not to grin. He had missed her dry humour.

Sirius clutched his heart, “Did you think of me at all over the summer, Evans?” 

Pretending to think, Lily frowned, “Do dreams count?” She asked him sincerely and James almost choked into his goblet, resisting the urge to smack Sirius, who grinned appreciatively and pointed a finger at her as the others laughed. “Absolutely.”

James didn’t miss the glance that Remus shot his way, a knowing smile on his lips. Sirius, apparently, would never change. Lily didn’t seem to mind though, as she blushed slightly, a relenting smile on her face, and James was grateful, his gaze once again drifting across her face only to meet the eyes of Alice who watched him with a pointed stare. He gave her a reluctant smile as she shook her head in silent laughter. 

“I liked the fireworks,” James looked up in surprise as Lily spoke quietly, phrasing it almost like a question. The rest were listening in disgust to a dream Sirius claimed he had about Professor McGonagall. 

James must have looked confused, because she clarified, “Last year’s welcome feast, you set off fireworks that were inside the roast chickens.” 

“Uh,” James was slightly shell shocked she remembered that at all. More so, she remembered it with _fondness_? He attempted to be casual, “Yeah, yeah. That was my idea. I thought you…” He trailed off. 

“I’m not the Grinch, Potter.” 

“The what?” 

“Never mind,” She shook her head as though she regretted speaking at all. 

_Good job_ , _James_ , he thought. This might have been the first time he felt awkward in his life. For some reason she was speaking to him, and it wasn’t a hex at the end of a wand. By the time he cleared his head enough to open his mouth, Lily had already moved on to listen to Alice, giggling and very clearly whispering about Frank. To his credit, Frank looked at his peas with sheer determination despite Hestia nudging him pointedly. 

When dessert arrived (numerous mouth watering options ranging from chocolate to lemon to fruits), the conversation took a grim turn that James had been awaiting. A summer of realisation for James had tied in with a summer of growing uncertainty and darkness for the wizarding world. His parents, both aurors, were increasingly busy and though they were excellent at putting on a brave face for their son, James knew well enough. People were disappearing. Open hatred and bigotry was becoming more and more common correlating with an increasing community of purebloods who wore their blood status with something more than pride - superiority. 

He couldn’t help it, his eyes flicked to Lily. She would be mad if she noticed. 

“It’s an absolutely archaic mindset,” Alice said, stabbing a profiterole, and Mary watched the speared ball of pastry in alarm. “The _language_ …” She trailed off with a shake of her head. Almost in unison, they all craned their heads to look at the Slytherin table. James knew they were all thinking of a sunny afternoon in June. 

He eyed the usual unsavoury group of students: Snape, Rosier, Travers, Jugson, Selwyn, Lestrange, Rowle and the Carrows. Their heads were bent together as they ate dessert and whispered amongst themselves. James thought it was bizarre. He never pictured such miserable gits eating pudding. 

Of course, they were something like the B team. James remembered the older group that had been in their last years when he started at Hogwarts. Many of them Sirius’ family members like dead-eyed Bellatrix and Narcissa. James’ eyes swivelled to where his best mate’s younger brother sat, beside the group yet not engaged. Regulus Black toyed with his food, occasionally glancing up warily. James did not blink when he met his eyes across the Great Hall. The Slytherin boy looked away first. 

“Don’t bother, Prongs,” Sirius said, clearly having watched the exchange. He was attempting a light tone, but his voice bore a bitter undercurrent. 

Like a bad habit, James’ gaze strayed to Lily. She was frowning at her plate. 

Suddenly, James got up and threw his friends a look of urgency before climbing out of his seat and keeping his walk to a saunter as he exited the hall, heads turning as he went. 

* * *

Sirius complained that changing the prank back to fireworks was repetitive, but when the red and gold lights began erupting under Professor Slughorn’s chair, James couldn’t disagree more.

Remus asked if this was the best idea for new, laid back James. He argued that when Lily had looked over at him during the display with curious eyes he had only folded his arms and shrugged. 

She watched him after he turned away, though. And she saw the grin that crept onto his face. He was still James, after all. Being completely aloof was not in his nature. 

* * *

Lily had been lying in a stupor for a long time, staring up at the ceiling of her four poster bed. When the aftermath of the feast was over, Lily didn’t see the Marauders sans Remus again due to her Prefect duties of shepherding the first years to their dormitories. She thought that was probably best. 

She couldn’t explain what was going on with her tonight, only that some kind of switch had flipped. Lily had not scolded the boys for their prank, she thought she might have even encouraged it. 

Life was short. Perhaps she wasn’t interested in wasting anymore of it. 

Sitting opposite Potter hadn’t been painless by any means, but not for the usual reasons. No, she didn’t want to examine her treacherous eyes for looking at him far more often than she should, than was acceptable. It was not just because he was leaner, and his jawline had impossibly sharpened, but his face was more sincere than she remembered it. 

Lily had told Potter many times that she didn’t think he was good looking. She supposed she was brave enough now to admit that she had lied, here in the lamplight of a new year where the only sound was Marlene and Mary’s bickering and Alice’s occasional giggle. Lily had thought that lying might dent his insurmountable ego but it only seemed to make him smirk like he _knew_ she was lying. _Ugh_ , Lily hated people being one up on her. 

She hugged her pillow, breathing in deeply as though she could rid herself of the remnants of Potter’s aftershave. When had he started shaving? She squeezed her eyes shut. _Who cares?_

Lily was glad when Marlene called over to her. Minutes later all four of them had piled into Mary’s bed to watch Marlene’s dramatic reading of a letter Frank Longbottom had sent to Alice over the summer, the latter squealing at the sweet parts, half-heartedly attempting to snatch it back. 

“You’re awful, Mar,” Alice pouted when she was finished. 

Mary sighed wistfully, “I think it was really nice, Al. He likes you and he went for it.” 

“You’re such a romantic,” Marlene shook her head. 

“What?” Mary sat up. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be loved.” She cast a pointed gaze at Marlene. “You wouldn’t know because every boy who’s ever met you is in love with you.” 

Lily wondered if she imagined the touch of hesitation before Marlene stuck out her tongue. “And not a single love letter!”

Alice shrieked then, “Blimey, it’s not a _love_ letter!” 

“ _Love, Frank_ ,” Lily read his sign off clearly. “I’m surprised he didn’t just address it to _my darling Alice_.” 

“No, that’s much more Potter’s style.” Alice quipped. 

Lily gave Alice a shove which caused Marlene to roll off the bed with a thump. Marlene simply pulled a cackling Mary by the elbow until she was on the floor too. Amongst the fits of laughter, the clock on the bedside struck twelve. 

Sixth year had truly begun. 

The summer had been long, and many things had changed. 

More than Lily realised. 

* * *

“You speak exceptionally loudly for eight a.m.”

“Lily, it’s almost ten o’clock.”

She groaned at that, checking her watch to see that Alice told the truth. They were sat in their first lesson of the term, and Lily was not coping well. On top of not being a morning person _at all_ , she had barely slept last night because was still so unnerved (well, partially because Marlene had decided to charm her hair pink but then couldn’t charm it back, meaning it was Lily fixing her bubblegum waves at two o’clock in the morning). 

“Lily _Evans_ ,” chimed a voice, and she swivelled in her seat to see Benjy Fenwick grinning in amusement, perfectly white teeth glinting. Mary squeaked behind her. 

“Nice to see you, Benjy. What do you want?” She asked him through a yawn. Marlene laughed. 

“Flagging so early on?” He enquired, his smile never faltering. “It might be quite easy to beat you in Charms this year.”

Lily blinked the sleep from her eyes and wagged her quill at him, “Not a chance.” 

She and Benjy had been having a friendly feud in Charms ever since fourth year when they’d both received top marks on the end of year essay. It was how the others had come to know the smooth-talking Ravenclaw, too. Benjy was a good laugh, and it drove Potter hopping mad when she found Fenwick funny and not him. Lily didn’t _enjoy_ that of course. Much. 

Swivelling back round in her seat, she made another attempt at the refresher questions they’d been given. Mary leaned over the desk to whisper furiously in her ear. 

“Why didn’t you mention me?” 

Lily whispered back, “You’re sitting right there, Mary, what was I supposed to say?” 

She heard Marlene sigh and the next moment, Mary had been yanked backwards into her seat, as Professor Flitwick made his way back up to the front of the classroom, chuckling, “very good, Mr Potter” as he went.

Lily scowled and began scribbling. Alice soon got out of her chair to ask Flitwick a question, and was replaced immediately by James Potter. 

“Got a spare quill, Evans?” He said, and she looked at him out of the side of her eye. He was a morning person alright. She could already hear Marlene and Mary sniggering. 

Now Lily was irritated _and_ confused. 

“What are you doing?” She hissed at him. It looked like the summer hadn’t completely wiped away his unwarranted paranoia surrounding Benjy Fenwick. 

Potter thought about it. “I think I’m looking for a quill.” Lily neglected to tell him what she really meant, _why are you approaching me today after being so weird last night?_

“Not for you,” She replied shortly. “Would you go away, please?” She had no chance of finishing the questions with him and his prattling beside her. 

“Right you are, Evans,” he quipped and he was gone. 

Lily started. She had expected a bit more resistance. Perhaps a cutting comment about Benjy. _Something_. Merlin, her brain was fried. She had wanted him to go and he had done exactly that. Perfect. Bliss. 

Except. 

Slowly, she peeked over her shoulder. Nothing was ever simple with James Potter. 

At the back of the classroom, Sirius had stolen Peter’s parchment whilst Remus shook his head and tried not to laugh. Potter, back in his seat and quill in hand, met her eyes. 

She snapped to the front. Alice slid back into her seat, pausing to stare at Lily. 

“What did I miss?” 

“Nothing!” Lily said airily, staring at her parchment with great interest. She ignored Marlene’s snort behind her. 

* * *

James had been in good spirits all morning when he rounded the corner with Sirius, Remus and Peter. 

It had almost been a reflex to go and bother Lily when she interacted with the Ravenclaw. In his low moments, James thought Fenwick was arguably more charming than him. Once he had sat down, however, he had no idea what he was supposed to do or say without sounding obnoxious. Asking her out had become James’ verbal diarrhoea. 

Then she had turned around. 

Not once, not ever, had she turned to look at him after asking him to piss off. Today she had turned. 

He had felt a click, then. Green eyes glancing back became a key sealing the lock within himself, like the sound of his fate choosing its path. 

The bounce in his step faltered when he saw who was in his Potions N.E.W.T. class. 

Severus Snape, sulking on a table with Travers and Rosier. As James and his friends entered the dark classroom in the dungeons, Snape looked up, long black hair framing his face, sneering once he saw who it was. James glowered, and felt a hand rest on his shoulder. 

“Let’s sit over here, Prongs,” muttered Remus, guiding him to a table away from Snape. 

James thumped his bag onto the table unceremoniously. Two Hufflepuff students took the table in front throwing him bright smiles as they did so, and he scanned the room. 

“The only table left is right next to _him_.” 

Sirius, Remus and Peter copied his gaze to see that James spoke true. They heard it then, Marlene’s laughter echoing down the hall outside the door. 

“Perhaps she won’t care.”

“After what he called her? Come on, Padfoot.”

Remus suggested, “Let’s offer the girls our table.” 

Scoffing, Sirius countered, “Too much of a scene for the first day back. Just look at Ruby Greengrass, she’s chomping at the bit to spread some shit to the first person she sees.” 

“I’ll swap with Lily,” offered Peter suddenly. James raised his eyebrows. There was a pause.

“Can you brew anything without us, Pete?” Sirius asked.

Peter looked like he wanted to argue, but the truth settled on him. 

“No, no, it was a good idea, Wormtail,” James clapped his friend on the back, sliding off his stool. “I’ll swap with her.” 

At that moment, Lily, Mary, Alice and Marlene entered the dimly lit dungeon classroom, flushed laughing faces faltering as they saw who sat nearest to the door. James hastened his way over until he stood before them.

“Hi, James,” Alice greeted him overly brightly. 

He nodded to all of them, his eyes flickering to Lily. 

“So, Evans,” He began, urging confidence into his voice. James was all too aware of Snape a few metres away. Lily only responded by eyeing him warily. “I reckon Sirius likes you a little bit too much.” She frowned. “He’s dying to sit with you.”

James raised his eyebrows pointedly as she continued to look at him in bewilderment.

“What?” She finally snapped, an edge to her voice. 

“Would you sit with Sirius?” He replied a little too quickly. A few people had looked over, surveying the exchange with beady eyes. James knew Lily would despise that. Word travelled fast after the scene at the lake last June, they’d no doubt love to hear an update. 

Thankfully, Lily’s eyes finally cleared as she understood him. Still, she looked uncertain as she nodded. 

“Um, yeah, I guess I’ll give Sirius a shot,” She attempted a laugh. Brushing past him towards the table where his friends sat smiling - or in Sirius’ case, winking - she muttered. “Thanks, Potter.”

Determined not to let his gaze linger, he turned back to the remaining three girls. James shot them a winning smile. Mary rolled her eyes. 

“Just you and us now, James,” Marlene waggled her fingers. “Scared?”

“Now I am,” He confirmed, walking right round the table so that he was able to face Lily and the Marauders. 

Sitting next to him and pulling out her parchment, Alice smiled gratefully. 

“That was kind, thank you.”

“I hate that prick,” He said in return. “I feel like I can smell him.”

“That’s the stench of regret,” Marlene added helpfully. 

“Throwing slurs around will do that to you,” joined in Mary, a spiteful edge to her tone. Marlene rested a hand on her friend’s wrist. “Do you want to swap, too, Mare?” James blinked. It was the most gentle he had ever heard McKinnon speak.

Mary shook her head minutely, and James kicked himself for not thinking about her, too. Though not the target of Snape’s verbal attack, Mary must have felt just as vulnerable as Lily to hear the word. The ease and anger with which he said it. 

Thinking quickly, he said, “Hey, Macdonald, I heard Fenwick is single again,” James winked. Her face transformed and she blushed. 

“So?” She refused to look at him, but her smile was obvious. Marlene shot James an odd look for a heartbeat, then it was gone, replaced by a teasing expression. 

Professor Slughorn finally made his appearance, making the usual rounds to his favourite students before beginning the lesson. After last night’s incident, James was not surprised to be passed by. 

Naturally, James had to enlist Alice’s assistance during the lesson due to his troublesome habit of watching Lily work with Remus across the room, when she smacked Sirius’ hand away from her cauldron with a practiced annoyance and gently corrected the amount of stirs Peter gave his potion. 

* * *

Seeing Severus was strange. 

Not in the way that Lily was expecting. 

No, Lily had presumed she would feel a stab of melancholy when she saw her old friend again, but all she felt was a bitterness that she could taste in the back of her throat. She could not mourn a friendship when she was so busy kicking herself for thinking that what they shared _was_ a friendship. As if him ‘overlooking’ her blood status could be considered an act of kindness. An act of love.

He was the first to depart the classroom when Potions ended and Lily was glad of it. Her mood had been surprisingly improved by terrible jokes from Sirius.

Merlin, she was getting soft. 

“Summer’s bloody over, isn’t it?” Marlene sighed as they all left the dungeon, casting a crestfallen eye over the sheets of homework given to them. 

Sirius slung an arm over her shoulder. “Homework is the price you pay for being in my presence again.”

“Bugger off, then.” 

Lily laughed with the others as they made their winding way back up to Gryffindor tower. Against her better judgment, she noticed that Potter had grown suspiciously quiet once more, and she surprised herself even more by falling into step with him. 

“All right, Evans?” He acknowledged, hands in pockets. 

She marvelled at his nonchalance. Six months ago he had defaced the Entrance Hall with magical sticky slime reading ‘FANCY A DATE, EVANS? BECAUSE I FANCY YOU’. 

Lily bit her cheek at the memory. “All right, Potter.”

When she chanced a look at him, he was smiling slightly. 

“It’s good to be back,” She added sincerely. 

Potter shook his head then, bewildered. “Please stay away from the firewhiskey, Evans.”

“No promises,” She replied dryly and this time they both hid the small quirks of their mouths. 

Lily realised James had a lovely smile, one that made his eyes dance. 


	2. Lily and the Disturbing Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James struggles to ignore Lily. Lily struggles to be ignored.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Chapter 2! Thank you to anyone who left kudos or a comment on the first chapter, y'all made my day. If you're new, what's up I love you already.  
> We're still in the sort of feather light beginning here, establishing friendships and relationships before the plot gets properly going. This chapter is slightlyyy longer.  
> Enjoy! -O

_ 3rd September 1976 _

Lily blew out a breath. She’d been up since eight-thirty that morning, taking full advantage of the free periods that sixth year granted her. Determined not to spend her first weekend back doing homework, Lily had dragged what used to be her body, now just a sleep deprived corpse, into the library. There was a sleepy silence filling the stacks and the morning light that filtered through the windows revealed the dust as it floated. Marlene would call her a dork, but Lily really did love the library. Especially this one. 

It was a Friday, the first Friday of the year, and therefore nobody else was ridiculous enough to be studying when they didn’t have to. Lily could hear her mother’s voice, sweet yet chiding in her mind:  _ don’t wear yourself out, darling _ . She sighed, flipping about fifty pages of the thick volume on her desk. Shirley Evans would not be pleased. 

_ Why don’t you spend some time with friends? Does James live nearby? _

Suddenly, her mother’s voice was incredibly intrusive. 

_ Go and bother Petunia’s conscious _ , Lily thought irritably. She then mused it might be too early in the term to be going this mad.

It was sadly a real sentence straight from the mouth of Mrs Evans, though. During Marlene and Mary’s stay at the Evans’ house in July, the former had let slip that James Potter had may have made Lily a  _ few _ romantic offers over the past year. It was supposedly an accident, but the truth was that Marlene loved to gossip and her favourite partner in crime was Lily’s mum. 

That was that. Her parents had learned early on in the summer to drop any questions about “the boy down the street with greasy hair”. With no lack of enthusiasm, they had moved on to “so is James a handsome young man?” (her mother), “does this Potter do well in school?” (her father) and “I _ still _ do not care” (her sister). Just like that, Lily’s childhood home was no longer a James Potter free zone. It was no wonder she had thought about him so often when questions about his parents’ occupation were asked over morning eggs. She had good reason to believe that her luck would someday place him in the office opposite hers, or the house across the road. 

Still mumbling to herself about messy hair, Lily acutely realised she was no longer alone. She looked up. Remus Lupin gave her an amused smile. 

“Early bird catches the worm?” He said in way of greeting. Lily thought that he looked tired, too. 

“I’m starting to think the early bird catches the first signs of lunacy,” She replied darkly, pulling a face. 

Remus laughed, “Not as catchy, though.” 

Shaking her head, Lily pulled out the seat beside her. “Monitor me, would you?”

Gratefully, Remus sat down and pulled out his own textbooks.

He was a great study partner. Lily and Remus had often sat together in the library, working in companionable silence whilst their respective friends caused various mayhem elsewhere. They were similar in their hatred of being rushed to a deadline. And although they were both academically smart, Lily and Remus both really worked for it. She liked that he put in effort, too. Others like James and Sirius simply coasted along, blessed with quick wit and excellent memory. Lily’s ink blotted on the page. 

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake!” she hissed, pulling out her wand to erase the error. 

Flinging down her quill, Lily stretched her arms like a cat and heaved a sigh. Settling down, she turned to Remus with her hands folded on the table. 

“I know why I’m sad enough to be here at nine a.m.,” She said. “Why are you?”

He huffed a laugh. “James is an early riser. A  _ loud  _ early riser. Banging about getting dressed or arguing with Sirius.” Remus shrugged. 

Lily rolled her eyes, but filed away the information that Potter got up with the sunrise. It surprised her. She hoped her brain filed it under ‘irrelevant’. 

“He’s on the quidditch pitch this morning, using Sirius and Peter as scapegoats to help him trial some new plays. It’s quite a show.”

Lily snorted at the mere image of James Potter yelling at Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew, one overly concerned about his hair and one clinging on for dear life. She sobered when Remus suggested, “We could go and watch them if you’re bored.”

“Not interested,” She said it so quickly it was like a reflex. 

Remus nodded slowly, “Right. You wouldn’t want to inflate his ego.”

She almost cringed. It sounded  _ petty _ . But those were her words. Ones she had passionately meant and spat a thousand times. Perhaps it was contrasted delivered in Remus’ gentle tone. 

“Gryffindor won’t win the Quidditch House Cup if our captain has a watermelon for a head,” She agreed stubbornly and Remus said nothing, his signature shy smile gracing his face. 

“Look at it this way,” He spoke after a while of Lily tapping her feet. “You will make me feel extremely guilty if I go down to the pitch and you stay here and work.” 

Lily quirked an eyebrow. “Are you bartering with me, Remus?”

“No,” He responded solemnly. “This is entirely about me.” 

She couldn’t help the grin that appeared. She spared a despondent look at her Charms essay, and knew already that she was going to make a bad decision. 

“If only to ease your conscience, my friend,” Lily conceded and slammed her textbook shut. 

It really  _ was _ early in the term to be working this hard. In her next letter home, she could tell Shirley Evans that she’d successfully abandoned the library. She would have to neglect mentioning what for, though. Lily didn’t think she’d cope with Potter content filling up her letters, too. 

Half an hour later, Lily and Remus climbed into the Quidditch stands, surprised to find Marlene already there, heckling. She could make out Peter hovering three feet above the ground and Sirius dusting himself off from a fall she must have just missed. Damn. Lily was relieved Potter was currently nowhere in sight. 

Having stopped off at the Great Hall, Lily was laden with toast and shoved her friend a few slices. The wind was bracing, and she was glad she had brought her scarf. 

“Hello!” Marlene greeted them happily, still half laughing as Sirius, grounded on the pitch, swore so loudly it echoed around the stands. “You managed to drag my girl out of the library?” She asked Remus, impressed. 

He held his hands up. “I am more persuasive than I realised.” 

Lily sunk into the seat, biting into her cold toast. 

Marlene smiled knowingly, eyes looking out, “I hate to say it, but I’m not sure that’s entirely true.”

Lily and Remus followed her gaze to where a blur of scarlet and gold shot into the air, doing laps above his begrudging players. 

It was no secret Lily loved Quidditch. She wasn’t particularly  _ good _ , her quick temper often ruining her focus, but she loved to watch. The fact that Potter had been made Gryffindor Captain last year was just something Lily had to tolerate.

She was good at tolerating it. 

“Oh,  _ please _ !” Lily argued, even as the hairs on her arms prickled. 

Well, shit. 

As James Potter slowed his speed enough for his form to be more than a hazy shape of Gryffindor colours on a broom, he turned his head, laughing in delight as Sirius hopped on his broom in protest. 

Lily was no artist, but she thought the way his hair whipped around his face as he turned, accompanied with that grin and even  _ better _ physique than last year had to count for something. 

Suddenly chewing her toast was a task as her tongue felt like wool. She was annoyed at herself like she was annoyed when girls looked too long at him in the corridors and blushed. She was supposed to be the great exception to his Potterish ways. 

He was infuriating looking like that. He was perfecting the art of irritation, not seduction.

As she frowned at him, Potter did a double take in her direction, his speed slowing considerably. She refused to react. She suddenly felt like there was a spotlight on her and she may as well have brought a giant flag that read,  _ I have no idea why I’m here _ ! 

Self-consciously tucking her hair behind her ears to combat the way it went haywire in the wind, Lily then folded her arms as though she was bored. 

“ _ Don’t fall, Potter!” _ Bellowed Marlene, cackling to herself. She was a vying champion for making fun of him, tied probably with Sirius. With the Potters and McKinnons both being notable ancient wizarding families, Marlene had grown up knowing him and therefore was thankfully immune to his charms as well. 

Potter seemed to come to, “ _ You’re just too ravishing, McKinnon!”  _ He yelled back and flew off with a finger in the air. Lily very deliberately didn’t watch him go. 

Marlene pretended to vomit before nudging Lily and pointing across the pitch. “Look, those girls might be trying to kill me with non-verbal spells!” She sounded excited by the prospect. “Is this what it’s like to be you, Lily?”

Lily noted the dotted groups of students around the stands from various houses watching the three Gryffindors on the pitch over their textbooks. 

“What are you on about?” She asked as she watched Potter’s arm dart out to stop Peter from falling thirty feet. 

She was surprised when Remus gave a quiet laugh from where he sat beside her. Lily turned to face him, raising an eyebrow. 

“Well,” He spoke as though he was going to debate about the breeding of pixies. “It’s no secret that James gets a certain amount of attention.” Lily’s eyes again wandered to the groups of students. Her eyes snagged on Sirius, hovering in the air by a Ravenclaw girl who laughed at something he said. 

“So does Sirius,” She pointed out. 

“Yes,” Remus agreed fairly. “But you see, Sirius rather enjoys the attention. He is far more accessible.”

Marlene was faintly amused on the other side of Lily. “Why does everything you say sound so philosophical, Remus? You’d make a fantastic teacher.”

Lily nodded in agreement with Marlene before thinking about what he was saying. 

“Don’t tell me that Potter doesn’t like attention because I will laugh in your face, Remus Lupin.”

“He likes  _ your  _ attention,” Marlene muttered. 

Remus smiled at Lily, like he knew a secret she didn’t. “If by attention you mean that James likes to make people laugh.” 

“And if by people you mean Lily,” added Marlene. 

Lily shoved her. “I’m no longer listening to you, Mar.”

Remus squinted as though was delivering tough news, “She’s not wrong.” 

“Remus, the betrayal!” Lily joked, pretending to be shocked. Truthfully her stomach squirmed. Being singled out was not something Lily enjoyed, it drew far too much attention to her, and attention led to  _ drama _ . 

Honestly, Marlene just liked to watch Lily go red and Remus was a hopeless romantic. Lily knew that Potter liked her attention because she would never willingly give it. She supposed she did understand the girls that fought for his. 

She thought it might be strange if she watched him give in. 

As though he knew they were talking about him, the Gryffindor captain came flying toward them with ease, hair a mess and a light sheen of sweat on his brow. Somehow, his hands had gotten muddy, maybe from wrestling a bludger. She admired his... skill. 

She could have sworn she heard sighs from the other students as he breezed past them. 

The smell of cinnamon on the wind hit her before he arrived. Lily groaned as he halted before them gracefully. He hadn’t bothered to shave in his early morning rush and the new stubble was a little too nice.

_ You’re Lily Evans, act like it! _

“This is a nice surprise, mate,” He said breathlessly to Remus who grinned. He wrinkled his nose at Marlene. “I could have done without your support, though, McKinnon.” 

She stuck out her tongue. “It’s called tough love.” 

Lily braced herself slightly for his inevitable question asking if she was drooling yet. 

“Morning, Evans,” He nodded, eyes squinted in the early sun. “This is… unusual.” 

Her eyebrows could have gotten caught in her hair they were so high.  _ Unusual _ , she could agree with that. Lily was so stunned by his lack of flare that she didn’t even respond, and Potter did not wait for one. 

“Meet you all in Transfiguration, then? I need a bloody shower.” 

Lily resisted the urge to pluck her eyeballs out of her head at the image that jumped to the forefront of her mind.  _ Merlin _ . Was there no peace anywhere? Marlene looked at her strangely and she blushed furiously when she realised she must have had an obvious reaction. 

“See you in a bit, Prongs,” Remus agreed, voice amused. Ugh. 

Lily looked at her feet in determination and she heard the merciful swish of wind as Potter flew off. 

She heard a few sweet calls of “ _ Hi, James!” _ followed by giggles. Her stomach would not stop  _ wriggling _ . 

“You good, Lil?” Marlene asked curiously, winding her scarf around her neck. 

Lily sighed in defeat. “He’s sort of giving me whiplash.”

She only barked a laugh and winked at Remus. In response, Lily got up and stalked ahead down the rows of seats. Nobody was going to give her serious answers. But honestly, she wasn’t about to ask serious questions. 

* * *

Transfiguration was the one rare lesson that James did not sit in the back. He sat in the second row of desks next to Remus. The reason being that Professor McGonagall had banned him from the back of the classroom, but claimed that he would annoy  _ her  _ if he was in the very front. James suspected that Remus was his chaperone. Sirius waved happily from the opposite end of the row, Peter visibly in a bit of pain beside him after James’ quidditch drills. 

He actually loved Transfiguration, but he also hated it because it was the one class that Lily sat  _ behind  _ him, and it was a lot harder to stare wistfully when you had to swivel around. He wished he could look now, but from her eyes earlier, he suspected the only thing he would gain is a textbook to the face. 

He felt like such a dick. Sirius had advised him to regard her like he would any other girl. Once James had pointed out that he did not particularly care about other girls that weren’t his friends, Sirius had raised his brows. Ah. 

It was extremely difficult to be nonchalant with his heart thumping so violently he was worried he’d toppled off his broom. It was  _ another  _ first, after all. Lily had come to practise. At first he was certain that she was a figment of his imagination from the early morning bludgers he’d taken (due to slightly rubbish players), but Lily had rolled her eyes and looked vaguely irritated that he, a quidditch captain, was on the quidditch pitch. In his imagination she was usually ecstatic to see him. He was getting his hopes up too fast.

“Mr Potter, would you mind coming back down to earth?” Oops. 

Professor McGonagall stood above him, glasses on, eyes stern. He had been absently tapping his wand on the desk and sparks had begun to shoot out. Hastily, he pocketed it. 

“Sorry, Professor,” He said with a guilty smile. Her face did not change as she turned away to inspect someone else’s work. 

“I would love for you to go one week without setting anything on fire, Prongs,” Remus laughed. 

“They were harmless sparks!” James protested. 

Remus continued to chuckle, eyes on the board ahead. “It is never just sparks with you, James. Fire always follows.” He said pointedly, and aimed his eyes to his left, where Lily had snuck out of her seat to slide a pot of ink onto Marlene’s desk.

James watched, bemused. Green eyes caught his and narrowed as she settled down again. Sirius coughed so loudly it sounded like a bark, and many students startled. James shook himself. Right. No gazing. 

Like a saving grace, Mary Macdonald let out a frustrated sigh and scratched out a few lines on her parchment. James watched as Mary looked over at Marlene who was otherwise engaged in winding up Ruby Greengrass on her other side. Mary quickly looked around the room and her eyes landed on James.

She bristled. Mary was almost comically annoyed at everyone. “What gives, James?”

He shrugged, “You sound like you’re struggling.”

Her face changed into consideration. “Fine.” She replied, even though he had not asked her a question. “You can help me.”

James was not entirely sure what had just happened, but he nodded and held out his hand for her parchment. Mary moved her chair toward his desk, still sizing him up. 

“I’m only letting you help because you’re so besotted with Lily I know you won’t try and flirt with me by saying I’ve got it all right,” She said rather brusquely and James had to swallow his shocked laugh. He felt Remus huff beside him.

“It would be my honour, Miss Macdonald,” James conceded with grandeur. He seemed to think it was best to just let Mary be Mary. 

James skimmed over what she’d written. He paused. Looked up to her impassive face. 

“I’m not  _ besotted  _ with Evans.”

“Who’s buying that?” She was unimpressed.

James kept his voice steady, “It’s the truth.” Her eyebrows flew into her hairline. His face turned mock solemn. “People change, Mary.”

“Well, in that case, I can now levitate fifty feet in the air.”

“I think if you applied yourself, you could.”

She rolled her eyes. “ _ James. _ ”

“ _ Mary _ .” He countered.

She tilted her head. “Have you really given up?”

James thought Mary looked slightly softer now. She was a romantic. He hesitated. 

But she was also Lily’s friend, and he knew what would happen if he told Mary it was a ruse. Lily would be next to find out, and he had a feeling she’d take it the wrong way. 

“I think I should see what’s out there,” He shrugged. The words tasted all wrong on his tongue. 

Mary’s disappointed face mirrored his internal cringing. 

“I would never give up,” She informed him sharply. “We are Gryffindors, James.”

James liked Mary. He wished he could tell her he agreed wholeheartedly. She tapped her parchment. 

“You have let me down as a boy, but I would still like some help.”

“Right,” He half-laughed and went back to reading. Her oddly formal manner compelled him to as though she was McGonagall. 

* * *

Lily was floundering in Transfiguration.  _ Already _ . She had always tried to blame it on Potter’s ability to distract the entire class from his position near the front, but in her sane moments she knew it wasn’t his fault. 

She was going to steam right ahead and blame him today, however. His odd behaviour continued to throw her off course when he refused to look at her for the first thirty minutes and then suddenly  _ did  _ look for an inappropriate amount of time to be casual. Her cheeks flamed. In every other lesson she had with him, he sat behind her. That was easy. She could forget him and his jaw existed. 

Maybe McGonagall had it in for Lily and her weakening resolve. Moving Potter to the front last year was clearly conspiratorial sabotage, not to mention educationally damaging. She got up to give Marlene a bloody inkpot her friend had definitely not asked for just to disrupt him for a change. 

Ugh, she felt insane. She just wasn’t  _ used _ to him not caring that she was near. It was like telling him to piss off became part of her daily routine and now she couldn’t function without it. His master plan, she supposed. 

“Lily, your leg is jiggling the desk and it’s driving me slightly mad,” Alice commented. Good, Lily thought, at least she won’t be alone in that. Her leg stilled but the distraction caused Alice to stretch and look around. 

“Well, that’s a new one,” she said suddenly, voice amused.

Lily’s head snapped up. More change? 

“That’s sort of weird,” Lily couldn’t stop herself saying. The two girls watched with twin confusion as Mary pulled her chair close to Potter’s desk. 

“Looks like he’s helping her,” Alice surmised. 

Lily frowned as Potter chuckled. Mary was clearly (and very suddenly) a comedian. 

“Mary hates people helping her in case the entirety of Hogwarts second guesses that she’s the smartest witch to walk the corridors,” She said. “Her words, not mine.”

Alice huffed in amusement, “She’s grown a soft spot for James Potter, of all people.” She tensed and pulled a face. “Sorry, Lil.”

Lily laughed far too loudly. She sounded manic. “Why would you apologise?” It seemed that  _ all  _ her friends were comedians now. “I don’t care who has a soft spot for him. And,” Lily was sure she was being extremely convincing. “Mary is in love with Benjy, remember.” 

“Of course she is,” Alice agreed, but Lily couldn’t help but feel like she was being placated.

She spent a worrying amount of time staring at the back of James Potter’s head for the rest of the lesson. It is  _ far  _ too easy at the back. 

* * *

“For the love of Merlin, they must have written this whilst still waving me off on the platform,” Lily cast an amused yet exasperated eye over her parents’ letter. 

Lily and Marlene were the only sixth years present at the Gryffindor dinner table. The former took the opportunity to read the first letter from her parents which still somehow managed to be six pages long despite being apart for just over forty eight hours. 

“When did we get here?” She asked. 

“Wednesday,” Marlene supplied. 

Lily frowned, “That was rhetorical.”

“Your parents are obsessed with you,” was all Marlene said, pouring copious amounts of gravy onto her roast dinner.

Rolling her eyes, Lily folded up the letter from home. No word from Petunia, of course. She barely spoke to her when they were under the same roof. “My mum said you should write to her.”

Marlene perked up at that and stabbed her potato with a grin. “I will. I’ll make sure to tell her all about scraping your jaw off the ground this morning when you saw James in his uniform.”

Scowling, Lily stabbed her own food with a little more vigour, “That did not happen.”

That’s what she’d told herself sixty times today, anyway. 

“Uh huh,” her friend said sweetly, entirely not convinced. “You can try that crap with the others, Lil, but who was your first friend in this school?” 

“Snape,” Lily deadpanned. 

“Don’t be gross,” Marlene said through a forkful of carrots and ham. “As far as the record states, it was me.” 

“I really thought it was Mary after Snape.”

“Shut up, Lily. Don’t evade.” 

Lily smiled at her friend. It was technically a nervous smile. She thought Marlene might be about to pick at her brains a little more than she’d like at the current moment. In the state she was in? The Quidditch cold shoulder and her own confusing annoyance at Potter’s lack of bolshy confidence had made her unhinged. She imagined her peas were all little James Potters and crushed them with her fork. 

“All I’m saying is that you’re allowed to find him attractive,” Marlene was relentless. 

Lily’s eyes bugged out of her head.  _ Attractive?  _

Is that what was happening? 

Oh, Merlin. No. She looked at Potter the way she did a magical plant that grew in the Hogwarts greenhouses: with appreciation for the growth of a boy into a man - no damn it, she meant shrub into medicinal tree. Like evolution. Potter was just a good example of evolution. Did wizards believe in evolution? Oh, she should go to the library - 

“ _ Lily _ ,” Marlene hissed sharply. “Stop spiralling, you’ll explode.”

She was about to ask why Marlene was whispering, but she looked up to find the rest of their friends sliding onto the bench. Alice, Mary, Remus, Sirius, Peter - and Potter. 

The medicinal tree.

“We were talking about Herbology,” Lily said confidently, perhaps a bit too wired. Marlene muttered something that sounded like,  _ Merlin’s fucking beard _ . 

“Okay, Lily,” Alice laughed, pulling the silver tureen of potatoes toward her. 

The scent of cinnamon hit her as an arm reached for the cuts of meat by her right. Lily picked it up abruptly and shoved the dish into his hands. 

“Thanks, Evans,” Came a questioning voice. 

“It’s fine,” Lily pulled her own plate closer. “Preserving my personal space.” 

A few sighs were emitted from her friends. She wanted to sigh with them. But she had said a million ludicrous things like that last year and Potter had always met her right at the line of ridiculousness. 

“Smart,” was all he said now. Potter helped himself to food and Lily let the hubbub of dinner in the Great Hall wash over her. She watched him run a hand through his hair in bewilderment and vague horror before Remus spoke to her. She felt like she’d been scalded. 

“Are you taking Herbology, Lily?” He asked a little too politely. 

She blushed, “Somebody must be.” 

Remus was like a hawk sometimes. 

“I am,” Peter piped up like a prayer. 

Lily gestured wildly at him, “Tell us all about it, Peter.”

Marlene swore once more under breath. She elbowed her. 

It was hard for Lily to listen to Peter talk about Mandrakes when she was becoming aware of the fact that Potter did not care that she sat so close. The less attention he spared her - because ‘spared’ seemed like a more appropriate word now, like a favour - the more frazzled she became. 

What did her little fights with Potter mean to her? Surely not so much that she would  _ miss  _ them? Some of their arguments had been extremely real, with Lily genuinely annoyed and shooting spells at him that she later felt ashamed about, even when he came bounding back the next day. Ready for it all over again. 

Movement caught her eye, and she watched Severus rise from the Slytherin table and stalk from the Great Hall. 

Lily suddenly did not feel particularly hungry. Miserably it dawned on her that perhaps fighting with James Potter had been the easy option out of that and confronting Severus Snape. She had known the doom of her old friendship long before the incident in June, she had always known of the outcome. But she had never known what Potter might say to her. 

Did she fight with Potter because she knew that he would not change his mind? 

And yet now, perhaps he had.  **  
**

* * *

Post conversation with Mary, James figured that his best course of action to ignoring Lily Evans was not being in the same room as her. Genius, really. He now realised that he might have to convince her friends that he was sane and serious, too. 

Saturday was easy. Remus’ little furry problem fell on Friday night, meaning he and the boys slept the majority of the next day. They snuck to the kitchens after dark and had their dinner then. 

James knew from an entirely non-creepy source that Lily slept late on the weekends and so James, of course, got to the Great Hall early for breakfast on Sunday morning and concentrated on ignoring the way that any flash of slightly red hair made his stomach leap into his throat throughout the day. He avoided the library and only sat in the common room when he was sure that a barricade of other students would protect him should she enter.

His weekend, as a result, felt sort of pointless, but his friends seemed to be impressed. 

Well, Sirius was impressed he’d stayed away from her at all. Peter respectively called it hiding and Remus shook his head. 

He stretched out on his bed, heaving a sigh. It was still Sunday and he had cooped himself up with the Marauders for the majority of the day. He had been laid down for hours, throwing a quaffle in the air, after winning four games of chess against Peter who had eventually refused to participate.

“I’m sensing a lot of pent up energy, Prongs,” Sirius piped up unhelpfully. “A healthy dose of flirting with the pretty Ravenclaws from Friday morning will sort you out.”

“I’m not supposed to flirt,” James pointed out. The quaffle flew up in the air and down once more. 

“You just can’t flirt with Evans,” Sirius specified.

James pulled a face at his mate, “Then the whole idea seems rather futile.”

“ _ Fine _ ,” Padfoot grumbled. “But you’re being a coward staying up here.” James lobbed the quaffle at Sirius’ head. “ _ Argh. _ ” 

“I’m not a coward, I just know myself. This whole idea was a lot easier when we weren’t living in the same castle. She’s always  _ there _ and it’s…” He let out a frustrated groan. “It’s impossible not to talk to her. It’s like my brain is hardwired to interact with her.”

He took in his friends’ various expressions of sympathy. “This was  _ your  _ idea, idiots.” 

“We didn’t tell you to stop being normal,” Remus objected. 

“You said normal was too full on.”

“No, we said  _ some aspects  _ could be turned down.”

“ _ Some?  _ Telling me not to flirt with Evans is like telling Padfoot to stop grooming his hair.”

“Valid?”

“No. They’re both staples of our personality!” 

“I don’t think you know what a personality trait is, Prongs.”

“Yes I do, Wormtail, and currently my main one is going crazy.”

“Still no. That’s more of a current mood,” Peter didn’t know why he was still trying. 

James rolled over onto his face and groaned. 

“You’re not going mad, mate,” Sirius said consolingly. “You just need to leave this room.” He wrinkled his nose. “Seriously.”

James grunted in stubborn agreement. “We’ve not been back a week, and I think I’m blowing it. Just like last year. Sorry, lads.”

“Prongs,” Sirius sat down heavily on his bed and suddenly he felt a  _ thwack  _ upside head. 

“ _ What the-  _ Padfoot!” He battled his friend away. “What was that for?”

“You’re a  _ catch _ , mate!” He howled it in such a way that James was reminded of his animagus self. 

He narrowed his eyes. Sirius kicked Peter, who hurriedly agreed. “All the girls I fancy think so, too.” Another kick. 

Remus fought against a smile as he said, “Simply gorgeous, Prongs.”

James snorted. Taking this as a good sign, Sirius ploughed on. “You’re an all right, bloke, Prongs. Charming and kind. Mothers love you.” He winked. “But Evans is just as stubborn as you. I wouldn’t encourage you if I didn’t think you had a shot, mate, really.” 

With the promise of a new week, and James’ friends unusual bolstering tactics, he decided to saunter downstairs and see what the outside world was like on Sunday evening. 

Lily spotted him as soon as he appeared. She was curled up on an armchair in the corner of Gryffindor common room when he descended at six o’clock. Due to his absence all weekend she’d started to wonder if he was ill, but knew that asking his friends was out of the question, even Remus and his secretive smiles. 

When he did not instantly seek her out, she was grateful. Lily had the odd sensation that she had swallowed her tongue. Potter was looking… rather soft. He was wearing grey joggers with a red zip up fleece, his hair all over the place as though he’d been asleep. He rubbed his eyes under his glasses before following his friends to the free sofa by the large fire. Potter’s eyes did a familiar dance around the room, but familiar hazel didn’t land on her. Nothing. Zilch. 

She had always  _ wanted  _ the peace. So why in the name of Merlin couldn't she sit here and read a damn word all of a sudden? 

Lily bristled and fixed her eyes back on her book, fluffy socked feet fidgeting. 

James was always aware of Lily. He knew that Alice called it his ‘Lily radar’, too. He would deny it, but it was sort of true. Lily was barely visible behind the huge volume she was reading, but James saw her anyway out of the corner of his eye. Intense concentration went into looking anywhere  _ but _ the cosy armchair. He wished he’d changed, he looked like he’d just surfaced from a coma. 

He slumped onto the sofa and eagerly agreed to a game of Exploding Snap. Anything to jar from his mind how undoubtedly adorable Evans was simply curled up in her pyjamas. 

He rubbed his face like a nervous tic. James would usually have bounded up to her by now, asked her to go on a date perhaps twice already. She would have threatened to hex him, and not speak to him for the rest of the week. Of course, now he had ignored  _ her  _ for an entire weekend.  _ Think of the endgame, James. _

Lily weighed the pros and cons of not being asked out right now. 

Pros were obviously uninterrupted time reading a fascinating book by Newt Scamander, not drawing attention to herself, heart rate stable. 

Cons were… she had started making a cons list. That was new. 

She glowered at the Marauders creating a ruckus with their game of Exploding Snap. She attempted burning holes into the back of Potter’s head, because seriously, a  _ cons _ list? There were no cons to not going on a date with James Potter. 

Just then, Mary and Marlene breezed past her, completely unaware of her presence. Lily called their names but they were bickering as usual and headed for the boys on the sofa. It was unreasonable but she felt the betrayal anyway. 

She got up with a huff (and some difficulty from her feet, numb from being sat on). She was not about to sit alone on a Sunday evening. 

Lily set the book down with a  _ thump _ . 

She may as well have knocked James over the head with it. She was still in her jeans, but wore an oversized lilac turtle neck jumper like a blanket and her socks were fluffy and white. 

He knew it. Adorable. It had only been forty-eight hours since he’d seen her ascending the staircase from the Great Hall, but his heart lurched as though it had been another entire summer holiday. 

“You are all very distracting,” She said in way of greeting. 

Sirius very obviously winked at James, who couldn’t help but grin back. Lily rolled her eyes at the interaction. 

“Move up, Mar,” She said. 

Marlene shuffled up with a dramatic wriggle, shoving Sirius into James and James into the armrest. He knew he wasn’t supposed to care, but he wished Sirius and Marlene didn’t exist in this moment as Lily settled into the space created for her. He couldn’t be the only one getting wafts of her apple scented shampoo. 

“Where’s Alice?” asked Peter from the floor. 

Marlene wiggled her eyebrows, “At the library with  _ Frank _ .” 

“Hot date,” Sirius commented drily and Mary frowned in distaste.

“He’s shy, you dolt. The library is the perfect setting at this stage because you don’t  _ have _ to talk,” Mary reprimanded. Catching sight of Sirius’ new devilish grin: “ _ Not  _ what I meant.” 

James knew he was right. Mary was definitely a romantic. 

“Not that there’s anything wrong with the other stuff, too, Mare,” Marlene popped a Bertie Bott’s bean into her mouth with an innocent face. 

James stilled. He couldn’t have that kind of thing brought up with a certain Prefect on the same sofa.  _ No fair _ , he thought bitterly.

Mary could not contain the furious blush that stained her dark skin, “All right, Marlene.” She responded coolly. 

James was half annoyed and half relieved he couldn’t see Lily’s twin blush on her fairer cheeks. She was leaning back, hidden by Marlene who was sat forward and dropped her eyes from Mary’s. 

Sirius cleared his throat, “Well, McKinnon, that I can agree with,” Sirius raised his arm for a high five, and to her credit, Marlene just slapped the offending limb away. 

James desperately searched for something to say. He had to change the conversation because he could not sit here and discuss anything remotely intimate with Lily two feet away. He gulped. What if she announced she thought Sirius would be a good shag and his life imploded there and then? James practically groaned aloud at the thought, and the accompanying images. Was there a spell for knocking yourself out? 

This was a reckless train of thought. Lily would likely clean his skull out with a ruthless  _ Scourgify _ if she knew what he was thinking, or that he would think about her like that at all. 

Lily was getting an extremely strange vibe from her best friend. She wasn’t sure why Marlene would goad Mary like that. She could be that way, though, especially with Mary. Suddenly intrusive and desperate to get a rise out of her. Lily wasn’t impressed because Marlene knew that Mary was saving herself for the likes of Benjy Fenwick. Mary did nothing without serious consideration of what she’d get out of it, what it would look like to others and worried about almost everything. 

On top of that, she thought that Potter might be having an aneurysm on the other end of the sofa from how awkward Marlene made the atmosphere. He had definitely groaned. Perhaps now he was so interested in Mary the conversation was hitting too close to home. 

Lily’s chest twinged. That thought didn’t sit right. Merlin, what if it was true? She thought in horror. It shouldn’t  _ matter _ , but somehow Lily would rather clean the Quidditch changing rooms with her toothbrush than listen to Potter declare he would enjoy getting close with Mary. 

_ It’s because he’s Potter and he’s so ridiculously full of himself _ , Lily comforted herself. Her chest twinged again.

The portrait hole swung open to reveal Alice walking hurriedly in, creased brow on her face. Thank Merlin, Lily smiled. They were saved.

James loved Alice Fortescue and her perfect timing. That wasn’t a lie. 

She dumped her bag on the carpet, but did not sit. She remained standing with her hands on her hips, jigging slightly. James paused in his jubilated relief as he caught sight of her face. 

“You okay, Alice?” Lily was the first to ask. 

“I’m fine,” She said absently. She did not sit.

“Alice?” Marlene prompted gently.

“I-” Alice began and stopped, looking at James, Sirius, Peter and Remus, as if just realising they were there. “I feel weird.” 

Remus offered, “We can leave.”

“What about imparting my wisdom?” protested Sirius. 

“Hilarious, Padfoot,” James cajoled, patting his friend on the back and preparing to stand. 

“Well,” Alice squeaked. James and his friends halted their movements. “It might be helpful if you stayed.”

Mary snickered whilst Marlene outright cackled. Lily only muttered, “Merlin, you must be in serious trouble.”

James decided not to take that personally. 

“Lay it on us, Alice,” Sirius sat back, looking like Christmas had come early. 

“Is this about Frank?” Marlene immediately interrogated.

Mary sat up, “What did he  _ do _ ?” Her voice was like ice. 

“Does somebody need hexing?” Lily asked, already fingering her wand. James tried not to jump at that one. 

“Blimey,” Sirius looked unnerved. “No wonder you’ve never come up well in these discussions, Prongs.”

Lily shot his friend a withering stare. 

“Merlin, Frank hasn’t done anything!” Alice’s hands flew in the air. “That… that might be my problem.”

The girls visibly relaxed. 

“What do you mean?” Lily asked curiously.

Alice looked like she wasn’t sure what to say to that. 

“So, we’re in the library,” She starts. “It was really nice, actually, and he’s very smart so I got a lot done.”

“Gross, Alice, no one wants to hear about you dating Professor Binns,” Marlene wrinkles her nose. 

“Shut  _ up, _ Marlene,” Alice and Mary said in unison, Lily opting to slap a hand over the blonde’s mouth. 

“ _ Anyway _ , it was lovely to hang out with him. He’s really easy to talk to, and very funny actually. He’s also gorgeous, so that helps. Afterwards he walked me back up to the tower before his Prefect patrolling duties.” 

They waited, breaths held. 

“We’re waiting for the horrible part, Alice,” James prompted when she didn’t say anything else. 

“That was it!” She suddenly crowed, hands covering her eyes. “He didn’t even try to kiss me!” 

“Oh,  _ Alice _ ,” Marlene cooed, a guilty look on her face as she got up and put an arm around her distressed friend. James didn’t look at Lily through the clear window it created. 

“Maybe he didn’t consider it a date,” Mary suggested. 

“Did he call it a date?” Sirius asked. 

Alice frowned, “Well… well,” Her face crumpled. “Oh, Merlin, it  _ wasn’t _ ! But we wrote letters all summer!” 

Remus reached forward to whack Sirius, who made a distressed sound. He got up hastily to comfort Alice, tears now leaking from her eyes. 

Nothing but space between them, James thought. He felt Lily shift on the cushions. 

“Frank’s a proper gentleman, Alice,” She told her confidently. 

“Or I’m boring and ugly and he’s sprinting away from Hogwarts as we speak,” She cried, finally sinking onto the seat nearest her which Peter sat on and was now looking alarmed. Lily reached out to squeeze Alice’s knee once before falling back onto the sofa. She was slightly closer this time, and James shifted. 

“That’s bullshit and I don’t want to hear it,” Lily said firmly.

Alice wiped her face, “Well, what do you think?” She asked Sirius imploringly. “If you wanted to kiss somebody, wouldn’t you just…  _ do it?”  _

Remus scraped a weary hand through his hair. He caught James’ eye, and he knew he was thinking the same. Was Sirius the most sensible person for this conversation? Sirius would kiss most people who were willing to participate. 

Sirius seemed to scramble for words that wouldn’t upset her further when Marlene jumped in. “Sometimes it’s more complicated than that.”

She determinedly stared at her shoes.

Mary nodded, “Yeah, not everyone can be that impulsive to show their feelings.” 

Sirius shrugged, “I think it’s pretty simple.” He looked to Alice. “But I’m not Frank.”

“No, you are not,” Lily scoffed at Sirius, who looked mock wounded. “There’s nothing wrong with being sure about something.” She said to Alice. 

Merlin, he wanted to look at her face. He couldn’t work out that tone of voice without seeing what her eyes were doing. 

_ She’s sure she hates you _ , a little voice reminded him. 

It was that nasty whisper that propelled James into speaking.

“Frank likes you, Alice, everyone can see that. I’m willing to bet that if he’s waited all summer and built it up in his head, he’s not going to barrel in and ruin it now. He’s much too sensible and considerate for that. He doesn’t know what you’re thinking either, remember?” 

Silence met him at the end of his sentence and it was against every rule to look so obviously at Lily right then, but his eyes were drawn to her. 

Green met hazel for a wondering second before her gaze flitted to the floor. His chest filled with familiar yearning that felt like a third lung to James. It was the same whenever she looked away.

He was sure. He felt like he had been sure forever. 

“Very profound, Prongs,” Sirius whistled. “Well said.”

Lily suddenly felt that she was sitting too close to the fireplace. She was too much of a coward to hold his eyes when they flicked over her like a warm breeze. She fiddled with her sleeves. 

“Thanks, James,” Alice gave him a small smile and giggled slightly. “I may like Frank more than I realised,” She gestured at her tear stained face. “Clearly.”

“If he doesn’t kiss you next time, shall we give him a kick?” Sirius offered and she gave a proper laugh then. 

“Of course,” She responded seriously. 

Marlene grinned at Alice, “He  _ obviously  _ will.” 

“We all know a smitten face when we see one,” Remus surprised everyone by adding with a sly grin. 

Her fellow Prefect didn’t even look at her, but Lily suddenly felt like he’d pointed and laughed at her. She needed to get a grip. So, Potter had grown wise and supportive. It was a nice surprise, actually. 

She didn’t like to admit that she had a sneaking suspicion he had always been a good friend. 

As the group moved on to sillier topics, Alice now making fun of her own meltdown, Potter went back to pretending she didn’t exist. Had she imagined the way his eyes jumped to hers? A week ago she would have expected it and come up with a quip to brush him off. 

Lily watched as he leaned back on the sofa that Sirius and Marlene hadn’t bothered returning to and spread his arms along the back, laughing. The hand nearest to her was very close to her shoulder, now. She curled her feet beneath her and shrank into the seat. 

“Here’s to a fucking excellent week!” Marlene suddenly cheered, miming a glass to cheers the group with from where she leaned against Alice. 

They all laughed and mimicked her. Lily balanced herself on her knees. They got a few funny looks as they all leaned forward, hands in mid air clutching glasses that didn’t exist. 

“Here’s to a hot Ravenclaw hitting on me!” Sirius shouted. 

“Making it through the first week!”

“You mean the first three  _ days _ .”

“Here’s to Hogwarts dinners!” 

“Benjy’s new haircut!”

“I’m disgusted, Mary.”

“No, I get the appeal.”

“So it’s not just your own hair, Sirius?”

“Here’s to Frank planting one on Alice!” Lily’s interruption was met with calls of  _ ‘hear, hear!’. _

“Sooner rather than later,” Alice giggled. “No one can wait forever!”

Just as everyone cheered once more, Lily lost her balance and almost took a swan dive onto the carpet. A hand wrapped around her arm and pulled her back, laughter alighting his face. 

“Whoa, Evans!”

Lily shrugged Potter’s arm off, though the damage was done, she was positive she’d find a burn mark there later. She slumped back onto the sofa and practically pouted. She felt ridiculously affected by one of his hands wrapped around her arm for two seconds. Merlin, Lily thought, I must be lonely. This is desperate. 

Potter attempted to curb his laughter, and Lily did her best to be annoyed, but she just rolled her eyes and a smile fought its way onto her face. She chewed her cheek but he saw it and shook his head, chuckling. 

Lily felt at the height of maturity as a sixteen year old when she shoved him. Split second surprise only morphed into more hilarity and James’ eyes were beginning to line with tears. He was really going to have to stop that. His face was pure joy, open and light. 

“What was that supposed to achieve?” He asked through laughter. 

“You look like a madman, Potter!” Lily argued but she was laughing now, too. Against her better nature. His low laugh was sort of infectious. 

He shook his head. “That’s what I get for saving you from very artistically faceplanting?” 

“You love to play a hero,” she jibed. 

His eyes widened, “I wouldn’t use that word around you. I like my special parts intact, thanks, Evans.” 

She made a gagging noise and turned away, but she was still smiling. 

James physically rubbed his face in order to keep his smile to a small grin. 

_ No one can wait forever _ , Alice had said. 

James thought forever could fly by and he wouldn’t notice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do let me know if you want me to include more of the friends POVs. I'm on tumblr at https://deadlysansa.tumblr.com/ where you can ask me Qs or give me suggestions or just tell me your fave colour. I don't mind.  
> As Lily and James become more attached so will there POVs!  
> See you soon -O


	3. James and an Essay of Opportunity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The confinement of the library gives James a helping hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer but takes place over one day, let me know if you vibe with it!!

_ 11th September 1976 _

_ 8.00 A.M. _

It had been a long week for James. He had taken the laid back attitude toward Lily to another level. It was still unnatural for him but he was doing a pretty magnificent job, all things considered. 

Since last Sunday - aka the  _ Lily laughed with me _ incident - it had been tough keeping her at arm’s length. Just the memory of her smile as she shook her head at him had suspended James in a daze for the next twenty-four hours. With great restraint he had only looked at her when deemed socially acceptable and spoke to her the way he would to Mary and Alice. 

Granted, his mates had to reign him in a few times, like when Charles Rigby, a seventh year Hufflepuff, had swivelled in his seat to watch Lily and her skirt leave the Great Hall. He ground his teeth into a fine dust that night. 

If anybody asked James whether this was all working, he could truthfully tell them he hadn’t the foggiest idea. Lily seemed irritated with him from Monday morning onwards. It was like she’d slept off their fits of laughter together. She only tutted at him when he took the last piece of toast and it was all downhill from there. James was baffled; all he’d said was  _ Evans _ , with a nod. It was practically formal. He couldn’t see what was bigheaded or smug about that. 

Now on top of that, James had cheated himself out of a Saturday. Last night, he had caught wind of the girls plan to spend all day in the library as he walked by. Somehow he had persuaded the boys to join, mostly with bribes and embarrassing pleading.

Turning up at this hour was supposed to look coincidental, but it was tricky when they rolled up to breakfast with the birds still singing on a Saturday morning as though it was a common occurrence. James knew Lily would be none the wiser, as he rarely saw her before eleven a.m. on the weekends. 

As expected, Lily, Marlene, Alice and Mary were eating in an early morning stupor at the Gryffindor table, barely talking. James slid onto the bench opposite Lily. 

“You’re up early,” He commented as though this was surprising to him. 

“So are you,” Lily only looked them over once before glaring at her bowl; she was not a morning person in the slightest. Or a James person, actually. 

“It’s a library day,” Marlene said with a glum look, stabbing a blueberry with her fork. 

Alice looked the most alive out of all four and she smiled, “We’re all doing it.” 

McGonagall had decided to up her ante way too early in the term and set them a six foot long essay to do by Monday. She claimed it was to better prepare them for the N.E.W.T. workload. James wouldn’t usually do something so mind numbingly boring this early in the year, but he was a predictable sort with a bad habit when it came to Lily Evans, and she would be there. He also reasoned with himself that Quidditch practise began on Sunday morning, and he couldn’t cut it short or lose time due to an  _ essay _ . Getting it done today made sense. 

“We should come, too,” Sirius suggested in a poor attempt at enthusiasm. 

“Good idea, Padfoot. I usually ace these McGonagall essays but this one has me stumped,” He lied breezily. 

He knew he would only see the whites of Lily’s eyes before he even looked as she rolled them with impressive vigour for eight a.m. on a Saturday. 

“Boo hoo, Potter,” she deadpanned without looking at him, stirring her porridge. 

Sirius raised his brows in alarm. Alice cleared her throat hurriedly. 

“Nobody’s forcing you boys to come.”

All right, that was true. He had nearly begged his fellow Marauders, but she didn’t need to know that. It was the perfect excuse to be near Lily short of following her around. 

Marlene exhaled loudly, “It felt like a good idea last night. The world always feels so hopeful on a Friday night.” 

“You’re so dramatic, Mar,” Mary scoffed into her tea. 

“Have you met your _ self _ , Mare?” 

James had the good sense to dive in before that conversation undoubtedly went downhill. 

“It’s a good idea, Alice. We’re going to do the same.” He kicked Sirius’ ankle and his friend yelped. “Right, lads?” 

His three mates blissfully agreed with no further fuss. If the girls thought they were acting strangely they didn’t comment. 

He glanced over but Lily just glared down at her breakfast, red hair forming a curtain barrier between her and prying eyes like his. Alice was the only one switched on enough to assess him with a puzzled stare. He avoided her eyes. 

“I just can’t resist the library,” Sirius exhaled in resignation. James shot him a shit-eating grin and received an ankle kick straight back. 

James just hoped Lily wouldn’t try and murder him with her narrowed eyes all day. He was trying to be amiable and aloof but if anything it seemed to aggravate her more. He literally could not win. 

“We should head in soon or all the good tables will be taken,” Remus suggested, interrupting the sleepy silence. James loved Remus, he was the only Marauder who didn’t argue the toss when awoken an hour ago. 

“It’s the library, Moony, none of the tables are good,” Sirius grumbled, but swung his legs over the bench anyway. 

They all got up with various whining. James held back slightly as Lily balanced her books in her arms. Her gaze flitted up at him and just as quickly flitted away. She walked past him. 

James hastily fell into step with her. 

“Everything all right, Evans?” He asked, concern seeping through his tone. Concern was fine, he thought. Concern was friendly, and a good quality. 

“What do you care?” Lily asked suspiciously and quickened her pace. 

His face fell slightly. He didn’t catch her up as they wound through the corridors and up staircases towards the library. It seemed as though he had two tasks today. 

Get one essay done, and Lily Evans to smile at him again. 

Lily kept up a quick pace in front of Potter. She had had just about enough of being weirded out by this imposter in his already scuffed expensive shoes. He had been as cavalier as a polite stranger the day after she thought they had slightly bonded, and it was really rubbing her up the wrong way. 

She was vaguely aware of how petty she looked, walking in front of him and not catching up with the others as they traipsed through the corridors to the library. Lily knew that her friends would ask why she was so tetchy and she couldn’t very well tell them when she had no good reason. That, and his mates were around  _ constantly.  _ She must have missed the memo where the eight of them were a troupe now. 

Merlin, she was grouchy. 

It just seemed so much harder than last year to escape James Potter. Out of sight, out of mind had made her life a lot easier. Nowadays he was cropping up all the time and acting like a censored version of himself. That was if he acknowledged her at all. But now he wants to know if she’s  _ okay.  _ Right. 

Lily rounded the corner and practically marched into Remus as he now stood stationary. 

“Oof - sorry, Remus,” She mumbled. 

Potter stopped beside her, hands in pockets. “What are you all doing?”

Lily took in the scene before them and her bad mood improved a fraction. 

It was a very nervous Frank Longbottom, hands in pockets, talking to Alice. Lily was impressed he was up so early. This time of day should be illegal on the weekend, in fact she ought to start a mass protest about that instead of these impossible essays. 

“How - how are you?” He seemed very conscious of the seven people looking on with matching knowing smiles. “Uh, I’m sorry it’s been a couple of days.”

Alice was blushing furiously, unable to keep an embarrassed grin off her face as her smirking friends made no signs of moving, “It’s okay! You’re Head Boy you must be really busy.” 

Frank mumbled something that sounded a lot like, “Not too busy for you.” 

Ah, damn. That thawed her heart a little. 

“ _ Are we ruining this? _ ” Hissed Marlene, popping the atmosphere like a balloon. 

“ _ No, of course not!”  _ Sirius brushed her off at the same time Alice said, “Yes!”

Hands raised and guilty smiled, Lily and the others shuffled past. She squeezed her friend's arm in support and Alice’s eyes were alight with nervous energy. Lily hoped Frank bloody hurried up this charade. They really were cute together, she thought as she glanced back. Alice adorably barely came up to Frank’s shoulder. 

Mary linked arms with Lily as they passed through the courtyard. The weather was taking a turn for the worse recently and they tightened their scarves. 

“What do you say, Lil? Should we get back on the dating scene?” Asked Mary, muffled by Gryffindor coloured fabric. 

“Back on?” Lily laughed. Her only dates had been scattered throughout Fourth and Fifth Year and even if they weren’t completely boring, Potter had managed to scare them off eventually. 

“Come on, we deserve a bit of that,” Mary pleaded, jerking her head back in the direction of Alice and Frank.

Lily couldn’t argue with that, “I suppose we do.”

Behind her, James and Sirius exchanged unsettled looks. History proved he had no hope in hell of earning a  _ single  _ Lily, let alone one with a boyfriend. He felt queasy. What would he do with a smug git in the way? He couldn’t stoop to dissuading them by falling back on his arrogance again, because that would really piss Lily off, but if he  _ didn’t… _

“You’re spiralling, Prongs,” Remus muttered. 

“Cheer up!” Sirius said loudly. “We have a whole day in the  _ library  _ to look forward to. Nothing but silence and hand cramp.” 

“Hand cramp?” Asked Marlene in distaste, just coming into earshot. 

“From the quill, McKinnon,  _ really _ ,”He replied cheekily. 

James laughed weakly, but his eyes rested on the back of Lily’s head. 

* * *

_ 8.34 A.M.  _

“I have a date, I have a date, I have a  _ date! _ ” Lily barely registered the frantic hissing that came barreling toward them until skinny arms were looped around her shoulders in a bear hug from behind. 

The group, now camped around a great table by the windows, comically cheered as quietly as they could. Lily laughed through her friend’s near throttle. 

“Well, I never. Frank  _ Longbottom _ , a total stud,” Marlene said and pretended to tip an invisible hat.

Alice shook her head, finally releasing Lily to sit in the saved seat beside her. “He is a complete sweetheart, actually. Not an ounce of pretentious asshole on him. His total lack of game is the best thing about him.” She’d never looked prouder. 

Potter huffed in a laugh, and Lily angled herself slightly away from him. Of course, he had ended up next to her. He was wearing a navy jumper that looked very warm and she was anxious that in her sleepy state she’d lean on him just to soak up some of that inviting coziness. 

“How did he ask?” Probed Mary, hands clasped to her chest in excitement. 

“It wasn’t a gnome singing,  _ be mine ‘til I die _ , was it?” Sirius clicked his fingers as if remembering. “Nope, wait, sorry. That was James’ forty-eighth attempt on Evans.” 

Lily didn’t know if she or Potter was going to thump Sirius first. She was trying not to turn the colour of her hair, but the memory was a powerful one. Not many girls had run away from a paid Valentine’s gnome. 

“He got a bit carried away with the lyrics, all right?” James grumbled as everyone but Lily laughed into their sleeves. She had often warned him not to be so public with his declarations, for his own sake. Now, she refused to look at him. 

Alice must’ve taken pity on Lily because she hauled the conversation back on track. 

“He just  _ asked,  _ Sirius, you idiot. Very simply and honestly. It was perfect.” She said, “He wanted to go out tonight, but obviously, we live in a castle.” Her face fell in disappointment. 

“Should that stop you?” James piped up, Sirius very clearly elbowing him under the table as her grunted in pain. Lily was certain Remus had kicked him, too. Peter’s eyes were like saucers. 

“You’re so weird,” Mary observed. Lily couldn’t help but agree. 

“That should stop them because there is no way they can just go skipping out the gates down to Hogsmeade,” She pointed out. 

The four boys just nodded in innocent unison. 

“Good point, Evans,” Sirius said seriously.

“Aren’t we silly, lads?” James laughed at himself in a way that Lily was concerned he’d consumed a potent potion between the Great Hall and now. 

“We’re ridiculous,” Peter chimed. 

Remus continued nodding, lips clamped together. He looked half exasperated, half amused, like always. 

Marlene snorted at the whole performance. “Merlin, I wish the girls in this school knew how dumb you all were.” 

Alice looked bewildered as she pulled her out her quill and ink from her bag, “Whatever that was, the point still stands. I told him we could just eat together tonight.” 

Mary wrinkled her nose, “Like, as the date?”

“At the Gryffindor table?”

“You mean, like we all do together every single night?” 

“Surrounded by first years?” 

“And unsavoury Slytherins?” 

“ _ Yes! _ ” Alice looked scandalised at the onslaught of distaste. “What matters is that I’m with Frank.”

Lily smiled at her friend, considering. “You’re so sweet, Alice. I hope he deserves you.” 

Mary was not about to let it go, “But it’s a  _ first date!”  _ She shot an apologetic look at the shocked new librarian, Madam Pince. She lowered her voice. “Alice, please. What if you and Frank get married one day and you always have to say your first date was just at dinner with the rest of these idiots?” 

Alice rolled her eyes, “You mean, at my favourite place in the world with my best friends? It’s fine, Mary.” 

The darker haired girl tutted, “When I go on a date with Benjy-” 

“Here we go!” Marlene scoffed. 

“-it will be absolutely perfect. That’s not high standards, that’s just how it should be.” 

Lily almost fell off her chair when Potter agreed. 

“There’s nothing wrong with making an effort,” He said airily.

Lily tensed. She couldn’t help but feel it was a jab at her. She dipped her quill into her inkpot with intense concentration.  _ Don’t react, don’t react, don’t react, don’t react, don’t - _

“You have a very special definition of the word ‘effort’, Potter.”

Damn it. 

Six sets of hands halted their actions, hovering over books and quills with bated breath. 

Potter didn’t even blink. He smoothed out his roll of parchment. 

“Is that so, Evans?” He asked lightly. 

Merlin, he made her furious. So bloody blasé. Well, good for him, suddenly not giving two shits about her.

“I agree with Alice,” Lily said tightly, all but ignoring him. “Whatever you do on a date, it should be fun because you’re with somebody you like, not because you’re at the fanciest place or because a singing  _ gnome  _ asks you.” 

Mary opened her mouth to argue but Madam Pince appeared once more from behind a stack, her severity pinning them down. 

Lily was writing nonsense on her parchment just to look busy. She didn’t even remember the title of the essay. She felt hot all over. Potter was ever the entitled show-off. 

“You’re all wrong,” Sirius whispered when Madam Pince had disappeared into the Divination section. “It should be fun because you’re making out.” 

It worked. The tension broke with hushed laughter around the table and there was a flurry of textbooks and quills, the only sound the turning of a page and the flickering of the various fireplaces dotted around the expansive library. 

Lily could have sworn she felt Potter’s eyes on her and she would have met his stare in a challenge, but honestly he was right beside her and she was worried about closing the gap even further. 

* * *

_ 10:16 A.M.  _

“Marlene, stop.”

“What?” 

“If you’re  _ not  _ reading that book, leave it alone.” 

“I am!”

“You’re just flipping the pages back and forth and I might kill you if you do it again.”

James stared wordlessly at his page as Marlene and Mary sniped at each other. It was so quiet in the library that it was all he could concentrate on. He was already barely breathing due to sitting next to Lily for almost two hours. He was also poignantly aware of Snivellus Snape sat six tables away. Merlin, it was  _ hot _ . 

For somebody who had bragged about his Transfiguration knowledge, he had written a depressingly small amount so far. Shit. 

Lily flicked another stray lock of hair over her shoulder; she was insisting on driving him crazy by doing it once every four minutes so that very  _ Lily  _ scent hit him just as he thought he’d calmed down. She seemed to have no trouble tuning out her friends. It was probably the same thing as ignoring Sirius when he wouldn’t shut up. 

Outside, the wind was picking up pace. It howled and battled against the ancient windows. James grimaced, he hoped the weather would abate by tomorrow’s practise. He had lost a valuable Chaser and Beater last year, and Quidditch trials easily made his list of top ten horrible ways to spend his day. 

Number one was somewhere he couldn’t hear Lily Evans’ laugh. Number two was dead. 

He didn’t realise he had his chin in his hand, mindlessly watching the way Lily’s cursive handwriting flowed on the page, until she elbowed his arm out from under him. 

“Are you copying me, Potter?” Green eyes stared at him in scrutiny. 

James pretended to tut as he recovered, “I may be an arrogant, bullying toerag, but I am not a cheat, Evans.” He composed himself enough to recall the words she had yelled at him that summer. It was the first thing he thought of. Words that he heard every time she turned away. He smiled slightly to show he was joking, even though it wasn’t like she’d ever realise how much her words could affect him. 

But Lily frowned at him. Her eyes changed from accusing to something more… curious. 

_ Merlin _ , James cursed himself,  _ reciting words she told you months ago like a crazed obsessor? You’re supposed to be laid back, James _ ! 

He couldn’t look away. It was the longest she’d held his gaze since before the summer, perhaps ever. He felt his heart doing backflips in his ribcage but he daren’t move. She had a  _ lot  _ of freckles, but they were so pale that they looked more like a dusting of burnt sugar over her face. If James had the time, he would count every single one. Lily Evans’ freckles deserved to be remembered by someone someday. 

Lily looked at James like he was an arithmancy problem that had changed its pattern right before her eyes. He could practically hear her brain whirring and he was desperate to know what it said. He could hear  _ his  _ brain melting into senseless lava.

“Sorry. That was -” Why would he even bring it up? 

Lily looked shaken.  _ Well, you just reminded her of the time her slimy friend threw her blood status in her face like it was an insult, you idiot.  _ The voice sounded a lot like Sirius. 

“Don’t apologise,” She said in an odd tone. “I know…” She faltered, seeming to gather her bearings. “I know you’re not a cheat,” she finished lightly. 

Part of him winced at that, the omission of the first part. “Glad to hear it. Our duel for my reputation will have to wait,” was all James said. 

She snorted faintly at that, “Well, now I’m disappointed.”

James cracked a smile. 

Lily reached to shuffle her parchment into a neat pile when her arm brushed his and James nearly jumped out of his skin and the hairs on his arm stood to attention. He was glad he held it together enough to see her eyes dart to his. 

And the pink tinge of her cheeks. 

Lily almost knocked over her ink at the contact. Just like before, the place where their arms had brushed burned and she knew her face was likely matching. 

She didn’t know why accidentally nudging James Potter was so different to doing it to Remus. It was probably due to the lack of closeness she shared with him. Her fault, she supposed. Vowing to hate him made it difficult to be physically affectionate with him as she would her other friends. 

Merlin, they weren’t even  _ friends _ . It’s not like they’d said those words outright, but she couldn’t blame him if he did. She wouldn’t want a friend who bit her head off, either. 

Her heart stung at the lopsided smile he gave her. There was a big difference between friendly and friends. 

Tucking her elbows minutely in, Lily read the next paragraph of her textbook without taking in a single word. 

_ An arrogant, bullying toerag _ . 

That wasn’t even the worst of what she’d said to him that day by the lake. She was still reeling from the way he remembered them. She had never expected the words to hit home. Lily had always assumed they had rolled off his back like everything else she had said to him everyday for the entirety of Fifth Year. 

It was so much harder to see entitled, cocky James Potter without the fog of Severus Snape surrounding him. 

Lily snuck a look at James, now tapping the feather of his quill against his arm as he read over the small paragraph he’d written in a scrawled yet surprisingly tidy handwriting. Confidence, she thought, was like everything else. It could be faked. 

She pulled her textbook toward her. She had stayed up last night going through her notes from last year to find this one, vital for the essay they had been set. Without a word, she slid the book to her right. 

Potter looked up in question and surprise. She simply tapped her wand until the book breezed open to the chapter he’d need. She did not wait for a response before sliding out of her seat. 

She almost walked into a pillar on her way to the bathroom, Potter’s hazel eyes stamped onto her brain. 

* * *

_ 10.59 A.M.  _

Severus Snape spent a lot of time in the library now. The less time spent in the Slytherin Common Room with buffoons such as Evan Rosier, the better. Even Regulus, who was so shy it was painful, knew not to bother him here. 

It had once been a safe haven for him. The quietness of the library did not allow for taunts or idiocy from the unsavoury characters at this school who were, more often than not, moronic blood traitors like the Prewetts, McKinnons and of course, Potter. It was as though their smearing of a good family name gave them the right to act like loud, talentless fools. 

This is where he’d spent the majority of his friendship with Lily. If the park in their neighbouring hometowns was their space outside of Hogwarts, the library was the equivalent. She liked the peace, too. Far away from Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew. He could never dissuade her from the girls, though: Fortescue, McKinnon and Mary Macdonald, of all people. 

Severus’ most wonderful memories happened right here in this creaking, candlelit room. 

Now that was ruined. 

He had had to watch as Lily entered this morning, the entire unbearable crew in tow. He thought his heart had stopped when Potter sauntered in and slung his bag in the free seat which  _ happened  _ to be beside Lily. 

Severus sat through a vomit inducing morning where Potter glanced over at Lily at least three times every ten minutes and she did not move a single muscle. Not only did she not tell him where to stick his wand, but at one point she  _ spoke _ to him, leant him her textbook and almost laughed at his ridiculous joke, whatever it was. She betrayed him at every turn. 

He really was going to be sick. 

This was worse than ignoring him; worse than avoiding him during summer, worse than not even catching his eye once in the two weeks they’d been back. 

Anger curdled in his stomach. 

Severus knew she was a liar then. 

How can you miraculously befriend someone you swore you hated? Not just anyone - but James Potter. He regretted every syllable of the night he told her that Potter fancied her. All he’d done is make it easier for the prick to worm his way in. He wished he had never uttered the word M _ udblood _ because now James Potter had the advantage. 

Severus snarled as he slammed his book shut. When Potter stood at that moment, stretching and blocking Lily from view, he should’ve cursed him there and then.

_ No _ , he reminded himself. 

There would be time for that. 

* * *

_ 11:28 A.M.  _

Lily yawned and spread her fingers in a stretch as Sirius shouted out, “One foot!” He jogged the table as he stood. 

She jumped, placing her hand back on the book she and James’ shared to keep it open. He flew to do the same and his fingers ghosted hers for a sparked second. He pulled back his hand like the pages had bitten him and threw her an apologetic look. 

Sirius held his parchment aloft, proudly showing off his progress. 

“Is that how tall you are?” Mumbled Marlene in response, cheek on the desk. She frowned. “That was  _ stupid _ . Merlin, get me out of here.” 

Mary cast a beady eye over her friend’s mostly bare parchment, “That’s not happening anytime soon.” 

“Be strong, Mar,” Lily said sympathetically. 

“We are exhibiting some June-like study behaviour in  _ September _ ,” Marlene lifted her head off the table, left cheek now smeared with black ink. Mary giggled and began rubbing at her friend’s face. 

Lily watched Marlene weakly bat away Mary’s attempts to get the ink off, her smile unable to keep from forming. 

She looked over at Alice, who had been fidgeting for the last thirty minutes. Lily frowned in question. 

“You need to go to the bathroom, Marlene,” Alice said pointedly. “We’ll all go!” 

Yikes. Lily met Mary and Marlene’s eyes as they stopped their battle. 

“Let’s go, then,” Lily rose from her chair, as did Sirius. “ _ Girls _ ,” She said sharply, and Remus yanked his friend back down. She smiled despite herself and caught Potter’s eye as he chuckled at the interaction. She felt warm as she filed through the stacks of shelves behind her friends. 

She had the distinct feeling he was watching her go. 

The stone hall leading into the library was luckily deserted. Alice spun around and Lily, Marlene and Mary braced themselves. 

“You’re freaking out,” Lily surmised. 

“Help me!” She wailed, hands going to her light brown hair. “What am I going to do on a  _ date _ with you all bloody watching?” 

“You said you didn’t care where it was!” Marlene reminded her. 

Alice looked accusingly at Mary, who had the decency to look guilty, “I wasn’t until this one started going on about having the perfect ruddy date.” She sighed. “I am not equipped for this. What do we talk about?” 

“ _ Alice _ ,” Lily put her arm gently around her friend’s shoulders and began steering her down the wide corridor where the castle had finally started to come alive. “You have spent time together before.”

“In the library,” She sniffed. “Where you have to be virtually silent. I felt so on edge the entire time.” 

Lily ignored the way the same rang true as she had been sitting next to Potter all morning. It was a different scenario entirely. 

“So, this will be better, right?” Marlene reasoned. “Dinner is better than the boring old library for a date, and I could have told you that before. You can chat and eat with this brilliant thing called background noise that the library seriously lacks.” 

Alice nodded as they arrived at the Prefects’ bathroom.

“Piggledypuff,” Lily told the door confidently and it clicked open. 

“Will he think that my standards are on the floor for agreeing to a date in the Great Hall?” Alice asked, splashing water over her face. 

“ _ Well _ ,” Mary began before catching Lily’s face in the mirror above the sinks. “...No.” She exhaled with a pout. 

Marlene shook her head in exasperation. “It doesn’t bloody matter if you’d agree to a date in the Great Hall with Frank Longbottom, Mary, because he didn’t  _ ask you _ ,” She chastised with an air of haughtiness that said,  _ so there _ .

Lily, not for the first time, wondered what Marlene and Mary had argued about this time. Bickering was their favourite way of talking to each other; it suited them and showed their closeness. But Lily couldn’t help but think it was particularly charged lately. 

Mary shot Marlene a withering glare, “To be honest, none of us three are getting asked out at all, so are we even qualified to give you advice?” She said to Alice miserably.

Alice rested her head on Mary’s shoulder in sympathy. Mary was only marginally taller than Alice, so she was the only person who could do it unless they were sat down. 

Alice frowned.

“Now that you’ve said it, Mare…” She looked at Lily. “Has James seriously not asked you out once this year?” 

Lily shook her head stiffly. She didn’t know why she felt reluctant to admit it. 

“I can’t believe it!” Alice exclaimed. “Do you think he’s done with you? I mean, that’s what you wanted, right?”

She shrugged, “Probably. He just got bored of the little game he was playing.” 

Marlene made a disapproving noise. “Don’t discredit yourself. I like to think I know James and he really fancied you, Lil.” The corners of her mouth down turned slightly. “He just had a funny way of showing it.” 

“Really funny,” Lily mumbled in agreement. She was trying not to focus on the way her heart wilted at the past tense  _ fancied.  _

Mary was admiring herself in the mirror when she said, “I didn’t think you cared, but he told  _ me  _ in Transfiguration that  _ people change _ .” 

Lily’s head snapped up. Right. She fought to keep her face impassive as they looked at her. 

“ _ Change?  _ He asked her out almost everyday for a year! Did he get a heart transplant?” Alice scoffed, and Lily did her best to find it as funny as her friends. 

Alice was right. James leaving her alone  _ was _ what she wanted. Clearly he’d had a cosy little chat with Mary and confirmed that he was available to her, the sod. Just because she didn’t fancy him didn’t mean she wouldn’t be jarred by his completely reversed behaviour. It was enough to concern anyone. James Potter had  _ made  _ it her business by shoving his way into her life like that. 

_ What does it matter to you?  _ A voice asked. It sounded suspiciously like Petunia’s.

Lily pulled herself back into the conversation to find Marlene watching her. 

“You seem to be getting on today,” She said simply, but it felt strung with a question Lily didn’t care to know.

“It’s because he’s being quiet,” she joked, and shook her head as though she couldn’t believe they were wasting their time talking about it. “I’m having a peaceful year so far, let’s leave it at that.”

Marlene raised her eyebrows once before letting it go, and shouldered her way out of the Prefects’ bathroom. 

“Peaceful is boring!” She shouted as she went. 

* * *

“Well, if it isn’t my  _ favourite  _ Sixth Years,” said a gleeful voice. 

James looked up from his scribbling. He’d been attempting to make good use of the time that Lily and her enticing warmth weren’t there to distract him.

Emmeline Vance and Hestia Jones stood, arms linked, before their library table. 

“Emmeline and Hestia, pleasure as always,” He winked. They were good fun, and had helped James out of a spot of trouble a few too many times. 

Peter was beaming with giddy excitement as he did when the two Seventh Years were around. Remus gave a polite wave and Sirius grinned.

“You’re my favourites, full stop,” He swooned. 

Hestia laughed, “You’re both devils. Very  _ studious  _ devils, I might add.” She nodded to their parchment and books spread across the giant oak table.

“Four bags for four missing girls, I’ll expect,” Emmeline answered shrewdly. 

Sirius only pointed a finger at James. Both Emmeline and Hestia shot him knowing smiles. 

“Lily Evans, of course,” Said the latter. 

James attempted to avoid looking like a lovesick puppy when he shook his head, his neck getting hot. He was surprised he held any of that in at all around Lily, convinced it seeped out of him like a strong cologne. The name would be something along the lines of,  _ I fancy you so much it hurts.  _

“I take my studies very seriously I’d have you know,” He said with a hand on his heart. 

Emmeline snorted, “Oh, I’m sure your intentions are very pure of heart.” 

“I’m sorry, I thought by ‘studies’ you meant studying the back of Evans’ head,” Sirius quipped and dodged the quill thrown at him. 

“That, I believe,” Emmeline shot back. 

“Have you seen our dear mate Frank?” Hestia asked, eyes doing a sweep of their section of the library.

“No, sorry,” James grinned. “But we hear he’s been busy.”

By the looks on the girls’ faces, Frank had not told his friends that he’d asked Alice out. Their twin expressions of confusion made the Marauders chuckle.

“What are you on about, heathens?” Emmeline demanded. 

“He asked out Alice Fortescue!” Peter supplied in excitement. 

Emmeline and Hestia erupted in synchronised exclamations and swear words that had Madam Pince come running, eyes furious and beady. Remembering themselves, they apologised, the boys laughing silently.

“Merlin, he did it without our consultation?” Said Hestia when her eyes had stopped bugging out of her head in disbelief. 

Emmeline was equally baffled, “We thought he’d never pluck up the courage to do it.” 

“He’s a big boy,” remarked Sirius. “He bumped into her this morning at some disgusting early hour.”

“Decided to take the plunge,” agreed James. 

“We all left before he actually  _ did  _ the asking,” Remus supplied quickly, as though he realised he was going to be interrogated otherwise. 

“Well, well, well,” Emmeline folded her arms and smirked at Hestia. “Our little Frank, all grown up.” 

She laughed. “The first Hogsmeade visit isn’t for a few weeks. It’s a bit of a long wait, isn’t it?”

“No doubt why Gideon is taking so long to ask  _ me _ ,” Emmeline said wryly before seeing the Marauders’ collective faces. “Oh, spit it out.”

James squirmed. He felt like he was throwing Frank to the lions by telling his friends that he and Alice weren’t waiting for Hogsmeade at all. James understood both appeals, honestly. If Lily ever said yes to him James knew he wouldn’t care where they went. At the same time, he would want it to be perfect for her, and knew the standard Hogwarts autumn evening of being cooped up with a hundred under thirteens wouldn’t really hit the mark. 

He deliberated, but in the end, Peter, with the newfound confidence that accompanied his giddiness, decided for him. 

“The date is tonight in the Great Hall,” Wormtail informed the girls, his face alight with certainty that he’d be praised. Remus sighed at his friend’s loose tongue, Sirius rolling his eyes. 

“ _ Tonight?”  _ Hestia hissed, mindful of Madam Pince’s hound-like ears. 

Emmeline was incredulous, “For the love of Merlin. Just when I thought he didn’t need us anymore.” 

“I’ve heard this conversation once already today,” Sirius held his hands up in surrender. 

James was hoping he could get away with not commenting, but Emmeline had turned a shrewd eye on him. 

“Would James Potter take his dream girl on a first date to the bloody dinner supplied by the school every night?” She demanded in a dramatic whisper.

“Wh- I don’t know,” James faltered, he didn’t want any whispers like that travelling around. He wasn’t sure yet if he wanted it confirmed or disputed. Both would likely reach Lily and make her scowl. He sent furious looks at his mates who were rather enjoying his fumbling. They knew he had planned  _ many  _ elaborate dates over the years, each one more over the top than the last. 

“Poor Lily,” Hestia half-joked. 

“Poor  _ Alice!”  _ He spluttered. “I haven’t done anything!” 

Sirius was looking amused as he furrowed his brows in thought. “Is Alice really Frank’s  _ dream girl _ ?” He said the last part in air quotes. 

“Of course she is,” Hestia replied as though it was obvious. She softened. “We just want it to go well. He’s properly smitten.” 

James sighed, he knew that feeling all too well. Frank was a decent bloke and James liked to think that he was the kind of man who helped out a friend in need. He hoped Lily would see that, too. Although she, of course, would call him a boy, not a man. 

James looked over at Sirius and Remus who seemed to be coming to the same conclusion. Peter was far too busy staring at Hestia and Emmeline with doe eyes, but James was sure he’d agree.

“Hogsmeade  _ is  _ lovely this time of year,” Sirius said airily. 

James adopted his best smile and turned to the Seventh Years. “Leave it to us, ladies.” 

They paused at the way he and his friends exchanged devious glances and sighed collectively. 

“I hate that I trust them, Em,” Hestia said in resignation. 

“Me, too,” Emmeline nodded with a reluctant grin. “Do your worst.”

**  
  
**

“Em! Hestia!”

Lily’s face broke out into a smile when she saw the two girls by their table in the library as she strode back in. 

“Hi, girls!” Hestia’s eyes sparked. “ _ Alice.”  _ She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Alice groaned softly, “They told you?” She glared accusingly at the boys who all wore sheepish grins. 

Lily snorted, her eyes quickly darting away from Potter’s soft ones that found hers. 

“We’re just pissed Frank went rogue!” Emmeline folded her arms, but she was smiling, too.

“You tell us if he gives you any trouble,” Hestia ordered her. 

“And remember we’ll come for you if you cause  _ him  _ any trouble,” Emmeline winked. Lily knew she was only half joking. 

Alice laughed nervously. 

“Nobody can save them from a rubbish first date,” announced Mary in a serious tone as she slid back into her seat. 

Lily expected Frank’s mates to roll their eyes or yell in horror at the idea of a first date in the Great Hall, but they just snuck glances at the table where the Marauders sat, suddenly working away like angels. 

“We’ll see you later!” Emmeline linked her arm with Hestia’s, pulling her away. 

“Have  _ fun!”  _ Called Hestia over her shoulder in a pantomime whisper. 

Lily furrowed her brow as she sat down, watching the girls go. 

“That was weird,” Marlene commented dryly.

Lily swivelled in her seat back to the group, “What were you talking about?” 

“The weather,” Sirius supplied quickly. 

She made a face, “Remus, my dear friend?” Her face became imploring. 

“It’s supposed to rain later,” Was all he said, betraying her with his innocent tone. 

She shook her head, “You’re a sucker for these boys, Remus Lupin.”

He chuckled softly in a long suffering manner that suggested he was very happy about that. Peter mimed zipping his lips and she scoffed. Mary, Alice and Marlene shrugged and the scratching of quills began again. 

Curiosity killed the cat, but it gave Lily Evans life. It was the same clamouring for information that made her good at schoolwork, and she was anything but a quitter which, fine, could be slightly annoying. 

Reluctantly and inevitably, Lily turned to James. His quill remained poised, as though he had been waiting for her attention to turn to him. The spark of familiarity propelled her into speaking. 

“Potter.”

“Mm?”

“You’re planning something for Alice and Frank,” She stated in a whisper.

He flicked his eyes to her. 

“Are you going to tell me off?” He quirked a brow. 

Interesting, no denial from him. 

“I-” She paused. His curious eyes were so different from his smiling ones, or his indifferent ones (which she’d seen a lot of this week). “I don’t know. Are you endangering anybody?” 

He pressed his lips together as though to prevent laughter. “Do you class tossing First Years into the Whomping Willow as dangerous, Evans?” He asked sarcastically. 

“Oh, shut up,” She hissed and his shoulders shook. “Fine,” she said primly. “I won’t tell you off.” 

Potter considered her, and in the close confines of their neighbouring seats, Lily felt the heat rise in her neck. Blushing now would be criminal. He was so close he’d obviously be able to tell and now that Lily couldn’t predict his obnoxious outbursts she was flipping nervous. Making her blush might be a good joke to him now, or sad, like he had ever thought about it. 

It wasn’t a new skill of his, to make her blush. But here, in the quiet library, it would be hard to blame it on the heat of arguing. 

“All right,” Potter said finally, ending Lily’s train of thought before it flew off the tracks. 

She nodded expectantly, waiting.

“I’ll tell you later,” He added with a barely concealed smirk and Lily swore at him under her breath. 

She huffed, flicking her hair over her shoulder as she bent to work again. 

“You better,” she replied haughtily without looking at him, hoping the blush would retreat back down her neck. “Or I will dock points from you like there is no tomorrow, Potter.”

He whistled, tousling his hair, “From your own house?” Potter only sounded amused.

“I’m ruthless,” She deadpanned, quickly popping a mint into her mouth to avoid anything embarrassing like a huge giveaway smile. 

The glancing back and forth between them did not stop after that.

* * *

_ 2.20 P.M. _

The light pattering of rain had morphed into thunderous rain and howling winds beyond the tall windows. Water lashed down against the panes, creating a ruckus noise that James found very comforting. It was a relief for the library to no longer be so deadly silent. His last two and a half hours had been filled with mysterious green eyes he couldn’t work out. 

Earlier, Lily seemed  _ interested _ . She hadn’t looked exasperated or annoyed for the first time all week. The tiny step forward sparked James with such joy that he didn’t even realise he would now have to tell her about the precious secret passageways in and out of the castle, or at least one. 

Oops. The others would not thank him if she decided that he was the most irresponsible idiot on the planet to withhold such information. He knew just what Sirius would say if he started on about how he just had a  _ feeling _ she wouldn’t. James’ mother was always fondly telling him off for thinking with his heart instead of his head. It was why he asked Lily out in the face of incessant denial all of Fifth Year. 

Alice Fortescue was a sweet girl, but she kept giving James the kind of sly, knowing looks that made him think he wanted to keep her on his side. Sending her and Longbottom to Hogsmeade seemed like the perfect way to do it. Plus, Lily was always happy when her friends were happy. They were similar in that way. 

“I hate to say it, but I’m beating you all.”

Marlene, of all people, was surveying her parchment proudly. 

“I didn’t know we were competing,” Peter said with a troubled glance at his own work. 

“You’re not, you’re losing,” Mary said frankly before promptly getting up stalking down a narrow stack of shelves, a list of volumes in hand. 

Marlene yawned, watching her disappear absently. “Can we take a break?” 

Alice sighed, “We just finished lunch, Mar.” 

“I could do with a walk,” Lily announced, throwing down her quill and jostling James as she did so. He ignored the urge to ask to accompany her. He didn’t feel like getting rejected after the elation that her sneaking looks had given him. 

Marlene grinned at her friend and got up, too. “Perfect.” She scowled out the window. “Just not outside. Merlin, it’s miserable.” The rain pounded on the walls in response. 

Lily’s scent shifted over him as she got out of her chair awkwardly, the cramped space a consequence of shoving eight chairs around a table meant for six. 

He forgot to ignore her when her foot caught his leg in a kick. 

“Oof, sorry,” She muttered, freeing her foot. Her face had turned the lightest shade of pink that melted James’ insides. He ignored the smothered laughter (undoubtedly Sirius and Marlene). 

He had barely mumbled the beginnings of  _ no worries _ when she spoke again. 

“Ugh, do you mind if I just -?” 

His mind went blank as Lily’s hand came down upon his shoulder for the longest two seconds of his life, leaning on him whilst she wriggled her way out. This was it, the only thing he would ever think about again: the imprint of her delicate fingers resting on his shoulder. 

She let go almost instantly, finally free of the chair and brushed herself off as though she’d run through cobwebs. Marlene silently cackled at his expression as she linked her arm with Lily’s.

“Okay, thanks, bye,” Lily said in a rush and tugged on Marlene until they had disappeared around the nearest shelf. 

James watched her go with a grimace. Had he just stared at her? Shit, he was  _ always _ staring at her.

“Merlin, shut your trap, James!” Alice giggled, breaking his stupor. He shut his mouth dumbly and Sirius fell about laughing, earning what must be their fiftieth warning from Madam Pince that day. 

His hand jumped to his hair in an attempt to recover and not look so guilty. It was old news for him to be caught staring at Lily Evans. The embarrassment was next to nothing now, more like something to be batted away it was such a common occurrence. 

His brain was foggy and preoccupied with red hair that smelled like apple shampoo. How was he supposed to write essays in these conditions? It was ironic that Lily, hardworking and top of the class, was completely sabotaging his work ethic. 

James needed a distraction. 

Right on cue, Mary came striding back to the table, face panicked and hands flapping. Merlin, the library was dramatic. 

“You look ill, Macdonald,” Sirius wrinkled his nose. “Have you seen Peter’s underwear hidden in the pages of a book?” 

Peter’s eyes went round and he whacked Sirius. Mary broke her frantic expression just to throw them both a dirty look. 

“What? No!” She didn’t sit, only placed her hands on her hips and spoke in one breath directly to Alice, who looked startled. “Benjy’s in the library, and I was going to go over and say hello, when I heard him tell his friend that he’s going to Hogsmeade with  _ Sarah Worthing! _ ” Her face crumpled in upset and distaste. 

James felt for her, he knew exactly what that felt like. 

“I’m sorry, Mary,” Alice soothed kindly. 

She scowled, “He’s the one who should be sorry. Imagine thinking that Sarah is a better catch than me?” Mary sniffed, and it chipped her angry outburst. “How delusional.” 

James thought of all the times Benjy made Lily laugh without getting hexed, “He’s a prat.” 

She sighed miserably, “A gorgeous prat.” 

“He’s all right looking,” James frowned. 

“You two can now bond over your hatred of Fenwick together,” Sirius rolled his eyes, knowing how irrationally irritated James was by the Ravenclaw. 

“I don’t  _ hate _ him I want to  _ date-”  _ Mary cut off and made a strange squeaking sound, causing the table to jump in alarm, her dark skin flushing in embarrassment. “Benjy, hi!”

Benjy Fenwick looked faintly amused from where he had appeared by Remus’ chair. The lamplight of the library was a good look for him and damn it, he  _ was  _ gorgeous. Thank Merlin Lily wasn’t here. 

“I didn’t get a chance to speak to you a moment ago, Mary, you practically ran from me,” Benjy said, brow creasing. “Are you all right?” 

Mary’s face transformed. She was suddenly glowing, smiling radiantly and eyelids fluttering. It was honestly a talent. Was Benjy blind? 

“I’m so sorry, I suddenly remembered the title of a textbook I’ve been looking for all day! I had to write it down. You know how it is.” She beamed at him, lying impressively well considering.

“Of course, it’s an important year,” Benjy agreed. 

Mary began to talk at a mile a minute, listing off all the books she’d read so far. Fenwick laughed and nodded in all the right places. Sat with his back to them, Sirius mimed being deafened by the conversation, making the others snicker. 

James, however, was glowering and he knew it. His reasons for hating Benjy Fenwick were unfounded and stupid. But Sixth Year James couldn’t seem to let go of Fifth Year James’ grudges and the feeling that perhaps Fenwick deserved to be the jealous one for a change. 

His mouth had opened to interrupt before his brain really caught up.

“Mary, I know you’ve been asked by a lot of people already, but do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me?”

Silence fell around the table. His friends wore facial expressions ranging from confused to astounded as they snapped their heads to where he was lounging back in his seat.

He ignored the way Remus looked like he wanted to bang his head against the desk in despair, Sirius mouthing,  _ what the fuck?  _ and Peter’s slack jaw. Alice looked like she’d taken a big gulp of what she thought was pumpkin juice that turned out to be Skele-Gro.

He focused on Mary, keeping his body language casual. Her eyes were narrowed in consideration, obviously weighing out the pros and cons of his offer.

“It’s going to upset the  _ several _ people who asked me, but yes I’ll go to Hogsmeade with you, James,” she said clearly with a dramatic flick of her hair. She turned her head, jumping slightly as she saw Benjy still standing there. James disguised his laughter as a cough.

“I’m so sorry, Benjy, what were you saying?” Mary asked him sweetly.

Fenwick’s permanently amused face didn’t alter, he only nodded at James. He didn’t know whether it was a knowing look in the Ravenclaw’s eyes or he was simply a know it all.

“Only that we should all meet up for a drink in The Three Broomsticks,” Benjy suggested.

“If my date and I have time we’ll pop in,” Mary said amongst the general jovial agreement. James nodded obediently with a shrug of his shoulders at Fenwick as if to say,  _ What can you do? _

“Great,” Benjy began to walk. “I’ll see you all in lessons before that.” He stopped, as if remembering something. “Tell Lily I said hello.”

James waited the two seconds it took for Fenwick to disappear before making threatening hand gestures after him. Bastard. He  _ was _ a know it all.

“What  _ was that _ ?” Sirius demanded. He glanced at Mary. “No offence.”

Mary rolled her eyes as she dropped her composure, “Thanks, James.”

His mates and Alice looked like they were about to call for Madam Pomfrey.

“Can we  _ talk to you, Prongs? _ ” Sirius grabbed his arm. “Over here.”

The other three Marauders stood in front of the rare plants section, arms folded and unimpressed. James opted for casual. He could be casual.

“What’s the problem?”

“The problem?” Remus was blinking rapidly at James and looked as though he wanted to clock him over the head with the very large book in his hands. “Granted, Prongs, you have a lot of experience asking girls out. The trouble is that you have asked out exclusively one girl in your entire life!” It was rare to see Remus off balance, as being as calm was important to him.

“Hey! I went on a date with Susan Abbott once,” James corrected proudly.

Sirius scoffed, “Susan Abbott told you to never speak to her again. You kept leaving the table to interrupt Evans’ date.”

“Both Susan and Lily threw things at you that day,” Peter added unhelpfully.

James winced. Susan Abbott still scowled when she saw him.

“Why would you ask out one of Lily’s best friends?” Remus asked seriously.

“I didn’t  _ ask her out _ ,” James began. His friends raised their eyebrows. “Okay, I did. But not  _ genuinely _ . She wants to make Fenwick jealous, I hate Fenwick. It was an easy decision.”

Sirius sighed, still not convinced. “How is that going to look to Evans?”

James almost laughed then, “Lads, she doesn’t care who I go out with! I’m helping her friend; she’ll probably bloody thank me.”

Remus pulled a face as though he didn’t think that was likely. 

“You should be banned from making decisions by yourself,” Sirius pushed back his hair, and James was reminded of his father when James set Professor Slughorn’s cauldron on fire.

They filed back to the table, his friends still muttering. Mary shot him a conspiratorial thumbs up whereas Alice looked at him as though he’d though he’d just screamed at a vulnerable old woman. He avoided her baffled eyes. 

* * *

_ 2.45 P.M. _

Lily and Marlene returned flushed face from the wind and giggling.

“That blew my cobwebs away,” Lily announced, oblivious to the strange tension now present at the table. “I reckon I can finish this by four o’clock.” She looked pleased, and was mostly muttering to herself.

James watched her with a twist in his gut. Merlin, all he wanted was to go to Hogsmeade with  _ her _ , and not that it was going to happen, but now he’d committed to helping Mary it was out of the question. He’d never felt that before. That there was no chance. 

Now that she and Marlene were back in the room, asking Mary out seemed like his dumbest idea yet. Maybe Lily wouldn’t care, but Marlene was like a protective bear when it came to Mary. Either way,  _ somebody  _ was going to yell at him. 

What had he been thinking? As per usual, he wasn’t thinking at all. 

Nope, he should stop spiralling. It was a good idea to go with Mary as she was about as likely to make a move on James as she would on Professor Dumbledore. He knew what a day at Hogsmeade without Lily was like, and the more distracted he was, the better. For all he knew someone had asked her. She would never tell him, they weren’t even mates.

* * *

_ 4.38 P.M.  _

Lily’s positive attitude had positively wilted. The storm outside had gotten even worse and thunder had begun to rattle the windows, mirroring her intense internal breakdown. She glanced hopelessly at her watch, seeing the seconds tick by into what would soon be evening.

_ Everyone  _ had finished except for her. Packed up and gone, leaving Lily with words of encouragement.

The real blow had come when Marlene stood up ten minutes ago and declared she was finished.

“Well, by  _ finished _ I mean not  _ that _ terrible and I might get an Acceptable,” She had said with a shrug before flouncing off, blowing a kiss at Lily as she went.

Lily was annoyed, mostly at herself, but also at the nice smelling boy next to her. Potter was the only one who hadn’t left, but he had definitely finished. She was pretty sure he was pretending to write for her pride but she didn’t know why he bothered.

What was  _ with  _ him? One minute he couldn't care less and the next he was waiting for her in the library without a taunt of any kind. Lily worried her lip; she’d been working on a theory all day. It was like he was flipping a faulty switch trying to maintain a neutral persona. After earlier, she was suspicious that he felt too uncomfortable to be himself around her. She hated that thought, then she was annoyed by how much she cared that James Potter might be uncomfortable. He  _ was  _ a tosser around eighty percent of the time last year.  _ Try to remember that idiot, Lily.  _ It was a weak attempt. She was bitterly losing, because six months ago, she would never even have sat beside him for all day, so utterly in denial –

Wait, what?

Lily slammed her mental brakes so hard she was sure he’d hear the screech.

_ Your brain is so overworked it’s actually shutting down _ ,  _ Lily _ . What a treacherous, invasive thought. It was because he smelled like minty toothpaste all the bloody time and it was getting to her head.

Shut up, brain.

Despite the biting cold wind outside, she was warm all over.

Lily blew out a breath. Transfiguration, what a subject. McGonagall, what a woman. She should be concentrating on  _ that _ .

James coughed and catapulted her new train of thought into orbit.

For Merlin’s sake, no wonder she was working at a snail’s pace. How utterly stupid she was being, formulating ideas about why Potter was so lukewarm with her when the real reason was he had moved on. She should be feeling, if not ecstatic, at least productive.

James glanced at her for the sixth time in as many minutes. He was doodling now, and she bristled. 

“You can leave, Potter,” Lily managed tightly.

“Who says I’m finished?” He retorted lightly. She levelled a glare at him, even though just looking at him at the moment was risky. Potter relented. “I’m not going to say I’m good at Transfiguration because you’ll just batter me with a textbook –” Lily scowled. “But I don’t mind helping you. Don’t think of it as Potter helping Evans! Think of it as one exemplary student helping another because he would hate for their competitiveness to fizzle out.”

Lily contemplated.

“The sooner you finish, the sooner you’ll know what I’ve planned,” His tone was that of someone attempting to coax their cat out from under the wardrobe.

She rolled her eyes to let him know that she was  _ not _ happy about it, but delicately pushed her essay toward him. With a small smile, he pushed his glasses up his nose and began to read. Lily put her chin in her hands and watched him. It really was his fault she had been working so slowly all day, it was only logical he could bail her out.

“This is really good, Evans,” He said after a while. Pride like warm honey filled her chest. “You just need to conclude your points, and I’d focus on your paragraph about linking to Animagus, uh, it’s the strongest point.” Lily watched him put a hand through his hair. Huh, not totally annoying.

His eyes lifted to hers and she focused instead on the lamp flickering away on the table.

* * *

_ 5.15 P.M.  _

It only takes them thirty minutes to finish Lily’s essay after that. She was begrudging on the surface, but took all of James’ suggestions seriously, which made him think she was maybe a little grateful. He didn’t want to admit how nice it was just talking to her. James knew his crush on Lily Evans was pretty severe, but sitting with her like this, the normalcy and casualness of it all made his heart ache.

“Thanks, Potter,” Lily said genuinely as they packed their bags up. “I might have died in here if you didn’t help.” She admitted.

James’ mouth ticked up. Lily was extremely dramatic.

“Come on, Evans, don’t give me too much credit,” James jibed. “I need my head to fit through the library door.”

Lily’s eyes skated over the ‘door’ which was in actual fact a huge arch. She shook her head with a small laugh, and turned away as she passed under it. But James saw. He  _ had  _ made her smile. James followed with a slight skip in his step.

“It’s time, Potter,” Lily said dramatically. “Tell me your secrets.”

He knew she didn’t mean what popped into his head:  _ I think your hair looks like an autumn waterfall.  _ Baby steps, James.

“I’m going to need you to promise not to tell anyone first,” He replied. “I can’t go giving out Marauder trade secrets just because you’re pretty, Evans.”

Oops.

Ah, well. ‘Pretty’ was tame for him.

Lily ignored it anyway. “Just how many rules are you breaking with this plan?” She asked warily.

They paused as they reached the courtyard. They’d have to make a dash through the rain. James turned, looking down at her as she pulled her hood over her hair, mischievous twinkle in his eye.

“We really prefer  _ bending _ the rules.”

Lily tucked the stray strands behind her ears, “Uh huh. I know exactly what you class as bending rules, and it’s closely followed by disaster.”

“Those are the times we’re  _ caught _ , yes. We’re deceptively clever,” James knew he was stalling. He was a bit nervous.

Lily mumbled, “Deceptive, for sure,” and pulled out her wand. He almost laughed at the image of her bundled up in her jacket, wand at the ready, red hair already escaping.

“Not a fan of the rain, Evans?” He guessed.

Her eyes travelled over him in contempt. The once over was still enough for James’ heart to go haywire, and he smiled reflexively.

“You’re going to get soaked,” She warned. 

In answer, James walked backwards in the rain. He loved a proper downpour of rain and Lily was right, he was instantly drenched.

“Potter!” Lily yelped, and dashed after him into the rain. “ _ Protego!”  _ She cast the protective charm over both of them, which surprised James. She was biting back laughter, trying her best to look annoyed.

James grinned as she gave his arm a half-hearted shove to keep walking. It felt so fucking natural. Who knew that aside from their tumultuous history, James Potter and Lily Evans  _ get along _ . Really well, he thought. He didn’t know how much he wanted her friendship until she smiled at him like that, like she was fond and didn’t want him to die of pneumonia.

Back under shelter on the other side, James shook his hair of water like he’d seen Sirius do thousands of times (as a dog and human). Lily freed her hair of the hood and he was slightly mesmerised by the way it tumbled out.

She assessed him.

“I won’t go into Prefect mode, I promise.”

James would tell her literally anything.

“I could show you rather better than I could tell you.”

* * *

Lily followed James along the third floor corridor, curiosity winning out over apprehension. She was still reeling from how endearing he had just been. Lily realised she might like having a laugh with James. A lot.

Marlene had always tried to tell her that James was good mate to have, but Lily had dismissed her, stubbornly only willing to see his dumb pranks and carelessness.

Damn it. Marlene never had to know she was right.

They weren’t mates, or were they? It would be a strange thing to verbalise a friendship at sixteen years old, but with James, she thought it would be weird  _ not _ to clarify.

“ _ Golden boy murders smartest witch he knows on third floor corridor _ ,” Lily said in a hushed tone as they walked.

“What’s that now?” James quirked a brow.

“Just picturing the headlines now that I’m fairly certain you’ve brought me here to kill me.”

James laughed, “At 5.30 p.m.? It’s still light, Evans.”

“I don’t want to know the logistics,” She retorted. “Besides, we’re alone up here.”

The statement suddenly struck Lily as very true. She swallowed. She actually hadn’t ever been  _ alone _ with him before.

She didn’t count the time his mates locked them in a broom cupboard together for the better part of half an hour – for both their sakes. 

James kept his eyes forward, concentrating on breathing normally. 

Lily didn’t know if it was disappointment that stained her chest. What, did she  _ want  _ his stupid flirtatious quips? She noted that people don’t care if they’re alone with someone when they have no particularly strong feelings toward them.  _ That’s a good thing, idiot. _

“Frankly, I’m not sure if that’s a duel I’d win, Evans,” James said with a smirk and Lily felt the smile of triumph that crept up on her. James thought it was unfairly cute. 

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” She said, turning her face away. Well, a whole year of flattery had got him to this moment, she supposed.

Ew, they weren’t  _ having _ a moment.

“I learned that the hard way.”

James came to a stop in front the statue of the one-eyed witch before Lily could respond. He cringed at himself. 

Thankfully, she barrelled on. 

“What am I looking at?” Lily opted for the easy question.  _ Coward, Evans,  _ she chastised.

James gestured grandly at the truthfully ugly statue with her large hump. 

“The lovely Gunhilda of Gorsemoor, of course.”

“Don’t be smart.” Lily folded her arms.

He looked jumpy, and she realised that James was not sure whatever he was doing was a good idea. The ever-thundering rain filled his hesitant silence. His hand went through his hair. Nervous gesture, she decided.

Oh.

It was a  _ nervous _ habit.

How many times had she shouted at him, thinking it was merely a show of vanity? He was always bloody doing it around her which meant… she ignored the way the realisation made her stomach curl. Did she make James Potter  _ nervous _ ? The idea was so ridiculous she almost laughed.

Wait. She  _ made  _ James Potter nervous. Past tense.

Right now he was just worried she’d grass him up.

Shoving the tidal wave of confusion aside, she stepped up to the witch.

“Now would be a great time to prove how  _ deceptively clever  _ you are, Potter,” She said expectantly.

It worked; her challenging eyes jostled him back into his body. He pulled out his wand, giving her a wiggle of his eyebrows which made her scoff.

“No freaking out, if you please.”

“Get on with it.” She deadpanned.

James pointed his wand at the one-eyed witch. “ _ Dissendium. _ ”

For a heartbeat, nothing happened.

Then the statue began to  _ move _ . The witch’s hump grated, stone on stone, until it opened up, revealing nothing but darkness beyond. Lily’s mouth dropped open.

“Potter, what is this?” She asked, dumbfounded.

“It’s a secret passageway right into Honeydukes cellar.” James said pleasantly.

* * *

“Hogsmeade?” Lily repeated. “Through a secret tunnel?”

“Yes,” James winced.

He braced himself for the onslaught of swearing. 

Lily cracked up laughing. 

Giggly hysteria bubbles up from her lips and she placed a hand on her chest as she struggled to breathe.

“As  _ if  _ you’re trying to prank  _ me _ , James Potter!”A fresh peel of laughter. James’ face of confusion and concern made her double up. 

“Evans, I’m, uh, not pranking you. It’s the truth,” he tried.

She shook her head, “If that was the truth you would have smuggled up all sorts of illeg-” She paused, realisation hitting her like a brick. “Oh.”

Here it comes.  _ You had a good life, James. _

“All the Firewhiskey I confiscated from last year's Quidditch final party…” Lily breathed. 

James coughed uncomfortably. It seemed unwise to interrupt. She didn’t take her eyes off him in glassy wonderment. 

“The mountains of sweets you gave to us when we were revising for the O.W.L.s.” 

“I…”

“Whole days when you would go missing.”

He closed his mouth. What? 

“Someone was paying close attention,” He said with a smirk at last.

That broke the spell. 

“ _ Potter!”  _ Lily whacked him with her satchel, incredulous. “You know about a bunch of secret bloody tunnels and have told exactly  _ nobody?  _ There are a  _ lot  _ of dangerous wizards and witches who would just love to gain access to Hogwarts using these tunnels. You careless, irresponsible git, you kept them all to yourself.”

James piqued a brow, “You’re just sounding jealous I didn’t tell you before now, Evans.”

She scoffed. “When has smooth talking me ever worked?”

James wished he could argue with that. 

“Who else knows?” Lily quizzed, sticking her head wearily into the dark space.

“As far as I know, me, Sirius, Remus and Peter,” James replied. “And you.”

“Oh, great, I’m in the tragic club,” Her voice became echoey as she began to edge closer into the passageway. 

James did a quick sweep of their surroundings, it was still all clear. The rain was keeping most people huddled in their common rooms, but he wished he had the map. Then again, he was afraid for its safety around Lily.

What would she do if she ever found out about the cloak?

He frowned, realising Lily had gone silent. 

“Evans?”

“This is wildly irresponsible.”

“Okay.”

“But it’s also fucking cool.”

“Oka — wait, really?”

Lily turned around, and the shock seemed to have worn off enough for a spark of intrigue in her eyes to take its place. “Yes.” She smiled slightly. “So, how many passageways do you know about?”

James’ eyebrows shot up, “You’re not ready for that yet.”

She was excited now, it was infectious. It was like she’d told him off on autopilot and this is how she really felt. James loved being surprised by her. “I’ll take that to mean  _ a few _ .” She tilted her head. “Why did you show me?” 

_ Because I want to share everything with you. _

“You asked.”

She huffed a laugh. “Touché.” A look back down the tunnel. “What’s your plan, though? To take Alice and Frank through this dingy old hole into Hogsmeade?”

“Watch what you say or I'll never take you through this dingy old hole,” James said seriously. She snorted. “It’s a great plan. Don’t knock it.”

“I’m not, I’m coming,” Lily said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Could it be that easy? Could she slot right into his life just like that? James knew that girls he didn’t want to go on dates with had made snotty comments about how incompatible he and Lily would be. He never believed them but he felt like this moment was an affirmation of something. Sure, she still thought he was a cocky Chaser, but he made her _laugh._ And damn it, if she didn’t make him laugh, too. 

“If you’re sure,” James said slowly. “It’s breaking - sorry,  _ bending -  _ numerous school rules.” 

His brain was about to short circuit and he would die. Oh, well. What a way to go. 

Lily sighed, “I’ve already promised not to tell. Remus will come, won’t he?” She stopped when she saw his grin. “Stop it. This is not a win for you, Potter.”

He didn’t stop grinning. He  _ couldn’t _ stop. He closed the one-eyed witch’s hump, and he wondered if she knew she was pouting as the tunnel disappeared from view.

“I’m not skipping off to detention. I’d call that a win, you torrid rebel,” He said as they began the journey back to Gryffindor tower. 

Lily rolled her glorious eyes. A thought struck him.

“Hang on, are you going to Hogsmeade with me?” He asked slowly. 

Lily almost tripped up the staircase, “ _ No. _ I am merely accompanying you down a dark tunnel so that my best mate is safe and happy.” She flashed him a warning glare. “Don’t get any ideas.”

James held up his hands, appropriately chastised. “Yes, ma’am.” 

He could take the hit after the way she had laughed at him earlier. His mother was always telling him patience is a virtue. 

“I will hex you into the ground if you don’t cut it out…” Lily kept up a swift pace of insults the entire winding walk back, as though to gain even footing after the past hour. 

The relief he felt that she wasn’t  _ really  _ pissed off was immeasurable. James felt like he could breathe for the first time since term started. 

“Don’t tell Alice,” James asked. “The surprise is all part of it.” 

“Ugh, fine,” Lily agreed reluctantly. “Although you don’t know how hard it’s going to be to subtly get her to dress for The Three Broomsticks instead of the Great Hall.” 

“You’re a smart witch.”

“Gee, thanks, Potter.”

His grin was back. Merlin, his jaw was going to hurt and he could really get used to it. 

It wasn’t until they’d stepped through the portrait hole and Lily had marched off to the girls’ dormitories with a withering glare that he realised she had opened up to  _ him,  _ not the clamped down version he had been trying to be. 

“See you tonight, Evans!” 

* * *

A secret passageway to Hogsmeade. 

Lily was grinning to herself when she entered the room she shared with her friends.

Marlene looked up from where she lay on the bed, giving feedback to Alice who looked at herself in the long mirror. Alice glanced at Mary, who was rummaging around in her trunk, with an odd expression. 

“Look at this grinning lunatic!” Marlene cheered. “Pleased you’re finished, eh, Lil?”

“Oh, yeah, chuffed,” She replied distractedly.

James hadn’t told anybody about the passageway. 

“Lily, look, the stormy air has made my hair go bonkers,” Alice groaned.

“It’s lovely, Alice.”

_ You asked.  _ She had no reason to be trusted with information like that. Lily had made her thoughts very clear plenty of times in his pranking days. And yet.

“Here! Try  _ this  _ shirt, Alice.” Mary surfaced from the trunk. “Lil, remember when I bought it? The shop owner's son asked me out, it was so funny.”

“It was hilarious, Mare.” 

Ugh. For some reason being trusting was a quality Lily really liked, and she hadn’t quite realised how much until the one-eyed witch had opened up.

Something was off. 

Oh, it was silent.  _ Very  _ off for this room. 

Back in reality, Marlene, Mary and Alice all looked at her with concerned faces. 

“Hello, Lily Evans? Anybody home?” Marlene called. 

“Sorry, sorry!” Lily recovered quickly, fanning her face as though flustered. She sort of was. 

Mary frowned accusingly, “You love the story of when that boy asked me out. He dropped all the muggle money into his glass of water.”

“I know,” Lily admitted solemnly. “I still think he was crying.”

“And my hair doesn’t look  _ lovely!”  _ Alice complained. Lily took a proper look. Merlin, it did not. 

“I’m just knackered,” She lied. She actually felt excited and a little nervous. There was no time to read into that, though, with Alice near tears and the others unimpressed. “Look, we’re all competent witches. Let’s get this hair smooth!” She rallied and thankfully it stole the attention away from her. She remembered her mission. “Why don’t you wear Mary’s top?” 

“Because it’s the Great Hall,” Alice replied miserably, fiddling with the red fabric. “All the Professors will be there.” 

“Trust me, Fortescue,” was all Lily said. 

Lily wasn’t sure why she didn’t immediately tell her friends about sort of hanging out with James. Perhaps because she might accidentally call him  _ James  _ now and there would be fainting. Merlin, she absolutely could not tell them she had noticed his glasses never stayed on the bridge of his nose. 

In all fairness, what would she say without spoiling Alice’s surprise? So, Lily pretended that nothing had changed with her friends. Telling them was like carving it out in stone. If she had any sense, she would lock it all up in the box she had never dared to open. 

But for chaperoning purposes only, she was still going through the passageway tonight. 

* * *

Sirius, as predicted, thought James was having a mental relapse for telling Lily about the secret passageways.

“You’re such a goner, mate,” He laughed, collapsing onto his four-poster bed. “Evans doesn’t tell you to piss off for one singular day and you’ve already shared one of your best kept secrets.” 

Peter sat on the floor attempting to juggle chocolate frogs.

“Without consulting us, either,” He muttered, and James shot him a frown.

“No, no, I’m not bothered about that, Pete,” Sirius waved his hands. “Prongs has wanted to show Evans the tunnel to Honeydukes ever since we found it. But even I’m shocked at how quickly you did it. She’ll know our life stories in intricate details soon.”

“I have to agree,” Remus, cross legged on his own bed, looked exasperated as usual, but he was smiling. “It was only a matter of time before Lily was in on all this. Sorry it wasn’t on your first date like you wanted.” 

James waved him off, “Anything is better than I could have hoped for.” He paused. “So, you’re not mad?” 

“No, you besotted idiot,” Sirius clapped him on the back. He nudged Peter, who gave a sheepish grin. 

“Of course not.”

Satisfied, Sirius continued, “It’s like a natural, inevitable progression. When can she join the illegal Animagus club?” 

James let out a shocked laugh. “Slow your roll, Padfoot.” He turned to Remus, sobering up. “I would never tell her about you.” 

Remus nodded, “I know.” He looked thoughtful. “Maybe someday I will.” 

Oddly touched, James ruffled Remus’ hair affectionately. For Remus to think about telling Lily about his condition spoke volumes about her. James regretted every fleeting moment he had felt jealous of their friendship. 

They were silent for a reflective, nice moment. 

“You’re still a prick, though,” Sirius couldn’t help it. “Evans might not despise you and you’ve already asked out her best bloody friend.” 

Remus groaned, “If you had a brain, you’d be dangerous.” 

James did  _ not _ need that. He shoved his best mates and stood. 

“We better get changed for Hogsmeade,” James said, strolling into the bathroom. “Let’s save one fledgling relationship at a time.” 

He shut the door in his friends faces and was not privy to the meddlesome grins they shared. 

* * *

The Slytherin Common Room was busy, what with the onslaught of bad weather. Severus sat with Regulus by the fire, who hadn’t spoken in hours, immersed in a thick book. He visibly sighed when Rosier and Travers slunk down the steps toward him. 

“Snape,” grinned Rosier nastily. “We saw a real sight for sore eyes tonight.”

“What’s that?” He was bored already. 

Travers snickered, “Your mudblood ex taking a stroll through the rain with Potter.”

“Alone,” Rosier added suggestively. 

Snape’s heart skittered in his chest. Regulus finally looked up, eyes darting between them. 

“She’s not my anything. Shut up if you know what’s good for you,” Snape snarled. 

His suspicions were only being confirmed. Lily had really betrayed him. Did she hope walking around with his replacement would rile him? Snape wondered if she was using Potter to get back at him, and hated the hopeful spike in his chest. Next she’d be running off with the werewolf. 

“You can piss off now,” Snape spat dismissively. 

Rosier scowled, “Just because Rodolphus and Bellatrix are sending you the letters now, doesn’t mean you’re special, Snape.”

Maybe that was true, but he had seemingly proved himself by calling Lily a mudblood. He received sporadic correspondence from the movement beyond Hogwarts; coded information about incidents before they showed up in the Prophet, orders to bide their time, to keep recruiting anybody trustworthy. And of course, keep an eye on Dumbledore. Rosier and Travers and the others could argue, but it sort of did boost Snape’s rankings amongst them. 

When he only responded with a glowering look, the two shit-for-brains stormed off. With them gone, Snape focused on controlling his breathing. He heard her voice with every rise and fall of his chest. 

“Regulus,” He said quietly. The younger boy looked up, startled. “We’re going to keep an eye on your brother and his friends. Do you understand?”

Regulus paled. Snape needed to rid him of that hesitation before long, or he wouldn’t make it. 

“Do you understand, Regulus?” He repeated coldly. 

Eventually, he nodded. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do leave reviews/kudos. I want to know what you enjoy!!   
> I've decided to bring Snape into this chapter, had to happen at some point lol   
> I'm on tumblr as deadlysansa, come see me!   
> Until chapter 4 x


	4. Lily and the Shift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily and James chaperone Alice and Frank's date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back!   
> I want to say thank you to the lovely people leaving comments, Crossbowdixon, Nina, Dani, Gaby, Rose25 and BrazilianWriter. I really really appreciate your feedback and I love that you're enjoying it!! I will say that I know that Sirius says James and Lily start dating in Seventh Year which seems like a long way off but I have a lot planned and a little twist on that!   
> I usually post writing updates on my Tumblr deadlysansa so come and say hi. I also am going to post a 70s and a contemporary Jily playlist for anyone who wants to listen.

Lily fiddled with a loose thread in her jumper as the hands on her watch ticked closer to seven thirty. Her nerves were jangling and her leg bounced up and down where she sat on the sofa beside Alice. Her friend had calmed down significantly in the last two hours, so Lily felt like they’d switched places as her eyes darted to the portrait hole once more.

Alice flicked through a discarded copy of _ The Prophet _ , the picture of nonchalance. It was just the two of them in the Gryffindor Common Room, as they had sent Mary and Marlene down to dinner. The former had been making unhelpful comments whilst the latter wouldn’t shut up about her stomach growling in hunger. A few Gryffindors who had had an early dinner were scattered around the room, but it was mostly quiet. It made Lily  _ much  _ tenser. Merlin, anyone would think she was going on a date, not Alice.

She blamed James, of course. Lily had resisted so well for so long, but she was clearly getting soft with age as she now bounded into the nearest rule breaking activity he invited her to.

Maybe tomorrow she’d check herself in to St Mungo’s Hospital.  _ Please have a little poke around in there,  _ she’d say,  _ there’s something faulty with the bit that doesn’t tolerate idiots. _

Still, the small thrill at the prospect of going into Hogsmeade without permission persisted. And she wouldn’t be alone with James and his impossible-to-ignore smile, Remus would be there. She even enjoyed Sirius’ company – he was funny. And Peter was quiet, but sweet.

As though she’d summoned them, the portrait hole swung open and five Gryffindor boys entered: James, Sirius, Remus, Peter – and Frank Longbottom, looking suitably coerced and wary.

Alice jumped up, her eyebrows knitting together at Frank’s company, all dressed for the bitter wind outside. Lily observed James’ thick jumper paired with a brown bomber jacket he wore a lot. 

James caught Lily’s eye and winked. She rolled her eyes. She focussed on Frank instead, the much safer option for Lily.

“Hi, Frank!” Alice smiled at her date, before it turned slightly more frozen as she surveyed the Marauders. “What are you doing?” She asked them suspiciously.

They wore identical guilty grins as Frank smiled back tentatively.

“Hey, you look great, Alice,” He said and she blushed. Lily felt smug for her clothes advice; he could not take his eyes off Mary’s shirt on Alice’s delicate frame. “Please don’t be disappointed that I let this lot talk me into something.”

“He was surprisingly easy to persuade for a Head Boy,” James admitted.

Alice narrowed her eyes slightly, and Lily could tell she was actively trying to control her irritation around Frank. “Talk you into what?”

Sirius twirled his hands dramatically, “A far superior date to the one you had planned.”

Frank looked sheepish, and this seemed to heighten Alice’s annoyance further. Lily winced. She needed this to go smoother before it ruined the date entirely.

“Why don’t you ask Alice to accompany you to…” Lily caught herself, “…wherever it is you’re going.” She finished lamely.

James was looking far too entertained and she shot him a mutinous glare.

Alice glanced at Lily but thank Merlin, Frank took her up on her advice.

“Alice, how would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me tonight?”

“What?” Alice looked shocked, but she was smiling with pleasant surprise. “You mean now? How is that possible?”

“Because of us, darling,” Sirius grinned. The four boys shrugged, expertly humble. Lily just about held back a snort. 

Her friend studied them for a moment, but Alice’s desire to go on a proper date clearly won out. 

“ _ Only _ because the Head Boy has sanctioned it,” Alice said pointedly, but she grinned as she skipped over to Frank. “Let’s go!”

James cleared his throat. 

“You should come, Evans,” He suggested politely. “To keep things in line, you know. Clearly the Head Boy has lost his head.” 

Lily was glad he had suggested rather than asked, because refusal before thinking anything of it was in the Lily Evans Code of Conduct. Their tentative truce couldn’t survive an outright request to Hogsmeade and the open look in his eyes made her think he knew it. Lily tried to look as surprised as Alice was. Pretended to mull it over. 

It lasted about ten seconds before Alice’s look grew amused. 

“Okay, Lil, you clearly knew,” Her friend smirked.

Merlin, she needed to take some classes in the art of deception. That was embarrassing. She just couldn’t lie straight to Alice’s face. Seriously, the doe-eyes were heartbreaking. “Potter showed me earlier.” She muttered. 

Alice gave a delighted laugh, “You’re in cahoots?” She looked from Lily to the boys.

“ _ No, _ ” Lily replied firmly. 

She bit her lip. Maybe she shouldn’t go and save herself from turning into a total hypocrite by breaking rules with the very people she had berated for doing so. But even the idea of not going made her disappointed. 

Her decision had  _ nothing  _ to do with the tall, untidy boy across the room. 

“Oh, come on, Lil. I can’t wander into uncharted territory alone.” Alice  _ did  _ look nervous. 

James raised his eyebrows. Lily blew out a breath. Well, crap.

“All right,” She shrugged.

“That’s the spirit!” Sirius boomed. 

Remus smiled and checked his watch, “We’d better be off.” 

After the quick trip upstairs to retrieve her coat - and a woolen hat for good measure - Lily was walking in step with Remus to the third floor corridor. James and Sirius led the way, laughing and shoving one another, Peter walking sidelong and chuckling. Alice and Frank trailed behind, a nervous silence punctuated by small talk. Lily winced at the sound of the still howling wind battling with the windows they passed in the torchlight. She was trying to think of a good excuse for the seven of them walking around in their coats and boots that wouldn’t lose Gryffindor fifty house points if they were found.

“You’re very relaxed for sneaking out of the castle at night,” Remus commented. 

Lily scoffed, “You’re all making me out to be a real buzzkill.”

“Not a buzzkill, just fond of maintaining school rules,” He reasoned. “Where James and Sirius are concerned, at least.”

Lily side-eyed him, but couldn’t argue with that. The whole school had a year worth of angry anecdotes to back him up. 

“It wasn’t so much breaking the rules as it was the  _ way _ they broke the rules,” Lily admitted. “This is different.”

She felt as though Remus understood that when she said “they” she meant James. Sirius had never really received his own personal telling off, usually catching the tail end of Lily’s bi-weekly rants at James. 

Remus eyebrows lifted. “How so?”

“They’re doing this to help a friend, and it’s a secret, so it’s not like they can show-off about it,” Lily considered, watching James’ head disappear round the corner. “They’re not exactly benefitting from this.” 

When her friend didn't respond, Lily looked over at him. Remus looked very much like he wanted to disagree with her statement. He looked torn between amused and pained. 

“ _ What _ , Remus?” Lily jolted him with her eyebrow. 

He let out a laugh.

“It’s amazing what people will tell themselves,” He muttered. 

Lily’s mouth dropped open; she was still shocked that kind and considerate Remus was as sassy as he was. Who was telling themselves anything? Facts were facts and Remus was just like a wise old man who spoke in riddles. 

They turned the corner as Lily began to argue, and Remus slung an arm over her shoulder and squeezed her to his side with a long-suffering affectionate sigh. 

She was scowling as her eyes fell upon the familiar statue of the one-eyed witch from this afternoon. Excitement bubbled once more.

As James swivelled around to face his oncoming mates, his eyes landed on her face, and she was suddenly aware of the deep frown she wore. She thought of his comment earlier. 

_ Just because you’re pretty, Evans. _

He must have given Lily every compliment under the sun last year, but she’d ignored him. She shook herself. James was a teenage boy, and teenage boys thought every girl was pretty. 

His hazel eyes trailed to Remus’ arm looped around her shoulders and his face became unreadable, almost instantly looking beyond them to grin at Alice and Frank. 

Lily wasn’t an idiot, she could read a room. James thought she was pretty, sure, but he was so over his crush he had nothing funny to say about Remus and didn’t think twice about casually informing her of secret tunnels. She had begun to second guess James’ reasons for telling her about the passageway now. He simply wasn’t bothered about making grand gestures anymore. He’d clearly had a  _ fuck it _ moment and told her. 

It was far too early in the evening to have a meltdown, so Lily pulled away from Remus to glean the happy couple’s reactions for themselves. 

“Well, this is creepy,” Alice said simply, looking around the corridor. “Why have you brought us here?” 

Sirius stepped aside to gesture to the statue. “I’ll let you do the honours, Longbottom,” He offered graciously. 

Frank, teeming with nervous energy, gave Alice a small smile before walking up to the statue. She folded her arms, and shot Lily a puzzled look. 

“I can’t believe you’re involved in this,” She wondered. 

Lily raised her hands up, “Whoa,  _ involved _ is a strong word.” She glanced over her shoulder at James. “That’s not what I’ll be saying in front of the Wizengamot at court.” He grinned. 

“But who will share my cell in Azkaban?” Sirius pouted at her. 

“You’ll share with Remus, of course,” She said. 

James was suddenly behind her, “Well then, who  _ will _ you share a cell with, Evans?” 

“Peter,” Lily deadpanned as the hairs on her arm stood up. James huffed a laugh and shoved Peter’s shoulder as the shortest boy smiled weakly. 

Lily motioned at Frank to tap the statue with his wand.  _ Please, just bloody tap,  _ she thought. James’ suggestive tone didn’t make her want to chuck her wand and punch him in the nose. It was a worrying idea. 

“ _ Dissendium _ ,” Frank said, slightly unsure. 

Sure enough, the witch’s hump opened up to reveal the dark tunnel beyond. With a gulp, Frank turned back to a stunned Alice. 

“Care to join me?” He smiled shyly. 

In a flurry of swearing and giggling, Alice rushed to him.

“This is crazy! Guys, how did you find this? I feel like a spy,” She wiggled her eyebrows at Lily before pulling Frank into the darkness. 

Smiling after her friend, Lily turned to the four boys. “Come on, then. Chaperoning et cetera.” 

“Yeah…” Sirius yawned. 

Lily narrowed her eyes. 

“I don’t think they need  _ five  _ chaperones,” He continued, blinking at her innocently, as if she had never met him in her life and would buy that. 

“Two people for two people seems sensible,” Peter agreed. 

Lily snapped her head toward James, who was glaring at his mates with panic in his eyes. Oh, great, he was flipping terrified of being alone with her. Without the goggles of a silly crush, was she really that intolerable? 

“Remus?” She said pointedly. 

As if she was holding her wand in his face, he startled into speaking, “Yes, no, I’m very tired!” He said pathetically. Merlin, were there any loyal people left in the world? 

Maybe she could fake her death. It problematic with her being in great health, but she could feel panic setting in as clearly as it was written on James’ face. 

“Boys, I’m tired, too, you know,” He tried, wincing. 

Sirius clapped him on the back, “This was your idea, Prongs. You should see it through.”

They began to back away, and Lily mouthed a variety of colourful swear words at them behind James’ head. Not  _ one  _ of them looked guilty. Gits. 

“We’ll just head off to dinner.”

“Padfoot!”

“See you later, kids!” 

“ _ Moony!” _

As they all but sprinted the way they’d come, James spun around to face Lily again. She frowned at him in silence. 

“Lily?” Alice’s voice carried out of the opening to the passageway. 

Another human, thank Merlin. With a shrug that said,  _ you’re stuck with me, pal _ , Lily ducked into the entrance without another word. 

James wondered how hard it would really be to bury three dead bodies. 

He had been absolutely  _ snaked _ by his supposed best mates. Oh, they thought they knew best, but James, with a lot of proven history behind him, always knew better. He had no doubt they simply thought that forcing Lily into being alone with James in Hogsmeade counted as a date. Sirius had nagged that James was overcomplicating everything, but he was just about to  _ ruin _ it all.

_ Of course  _ James wanted to spend time alone with Lily. It was almost exclusively all he thought about. But if the past had taught him anything, Lily was sure to think that under the premise of casual acquaintances and chaperoning, he had lured her into a date and gotten his mates involved. The small, wondrous progress he’d made would be wiped from the board. James didn’t want to think about a life where he never earned that smile again. 

As he followed Lily through the dimly lit tunnel, still unsure of what to say, James decided to ignore the crap plot his friends had pushed them into. What was more casual than him not even commenting on it? If she thought he was involved, he was likely toast, and if he argued about it, then, well, they’d be arguing. 

* * *

Marlene pushed her clean plate away and sighed happily. The Great Hall was emptying out as dinner came to an end, the noisy din fading into background chatter. Above them, the bewitched sky rumbled with the furious weather outside. Marlene and Mary had eaten alone, their friends a complete no-show. 

“Where  _ are  _ they?” 

Mary had only prodded at her food due to the anticipation of witnessing a possible display of romance. Her friend loved anything gooey and sickeningly sweet. Getting a front row to someone else’s first date was like getting a VIP Quidditch World Cup ticket to Mary. Therefore she was sorely disappointed when forty minutes ticked by without any sign of Frank and Alice.

Marlene shrugged, watching the little line that formed in between Mary’s eyebrows when she frowned. 

“You don’t think this is weird?” She asked in exasperation. 

“Maybe they went somewhere else.”

“ _ Where  _ would they go, Marlene? Honestly.”

Marlene rolled her eyes, “James and Sirius know how to sweet talk their way into the kitchens, perhaps they have something to do with it.”

“Well, I feel very left out,” Mary sniffed.

With a sardonic smile, Marlene placed a hand on her arm. “Poor Mary.” She cooed. 

“Whatever,” Mary said, shrugging with a pout before exhaling with an unbothered smile. Marlene marvelled at how her demeanor shifted, now seemingly fine. She was so hot and cold it would be unsettling if she didn’t know the girl beside her like she knew the back of her hand.

She withdrew her touch from Mary’s arm as her friend’s eyes lingered on it. 

“You’ll get over it.” Marlene said shortly. 

Mary coughed, “So, Hogsmeade is in a few weeks.” She said randomly.

Ignoring the abrupt change of subject with a pang, Marlene nodded, “Are we going? I guess I don’t need to shop but I assume you will. We could just try and score some free drinks in The Three Broomsticks like we did last time.” She grinned. “Oh, better yet, I reckon the Hog’s Head might even serve us Firewhiskey if we wear a bit of lippy.”

“Mar,” Mary began.

“Not to be tarty, we just need to look seventeen!” 

“I can’t do that.”

Marlene sighed, “Fine, but I think we’d get away with it.”

“No, I…” Mary was tongue tied, and she looked up in curiosity. “I’m going with James.”

There was a pause. Mary may as well have spoken Gobbledegook. 

“James who?” She asked, puzzled. 

Mary gave a loud scoff, shooting her a pointed glare. 

“Not  _ our  _ James? James Potter?” Marlene burst out laughing, so loudly a few heads turned. “Okay, Mare.”

Mary bristled, clamping her lips together. Marlene’s jaw dropped as she realised that Mary wasn’t lying. She wasn’t much of a practical joker, after all. 

“You’re bloody serious! Mary, that’s insane.”

“Is it so inconceivable that someone would fancy me?” She snapped. Marlene recoiled. 

“That’s not what I said,” She argued. She wrung her hands in disbelief. “But it’s  _ James _ , Mary. He’s been ass over elbow for our best mate since the dawn of time.”

“I know, I’m not an idiot,” Mary defended. 

Marlene made a noise like  _ harumph _ . 

“ _ Mar! _ ”

“What?” Laughter bubbled out of Marlene at her exasperation. “I just want you to make good choices.”

“He’s doing me a favour, okay? It might make Benjy jealous!” Conceded Mary in a harsh whisper, furious at saying it aloud in public. “Is that what you wanted to hear?” She challenged. 

The air went out of Marlene like a lead balloon at another mention of Fenwick. She shook her head, “I don’t want to hear anything.” 

Lie. Marlene knew exactly what she wanted to hear from Mary Macdonald. But it was like when she was a child and wished with all her heart that her parents would have another girl so she wasn’t outnumbered at every family Quidditch game or elbowed off the dinner table. 

You don’t just  _ get  _ the things you want like that.

Her friend gave her an odd look. They were used to arguing, but the dismissal that Marlene had given her was unusual. Merlin, she was letting herself slip. 

She exhaled with a (hopefully) supportive smile. “I’m sorry. It’s a great idea. This makes me want to puke, but everyone fancies James, so…” She trailed off, feeling like she was speaking around a physical block in her throat. “I’m sure Benjy will be  _ very  _ jealous.” 

She didn’t know if Mary looked pleased or not by what she said. Looking away, Marlene only felt the hot surge of tears. She hated them. 

Sodding James. She could relate to her oldest friend more than he would ever know. 

* * *

James leaned on the bar in The Three Broomsticks. 

After navigating through Honeydukes’ cellar, the four of them had darted through the icy winds into the warmth of the village’s popular pub. It was busy, being Saturday night, but most of the witches and wizards were locals and only gave James a nod or a wink as he passed. 

Alice and Frank were sat at a table by the roaring hearth, smiling nervously. 

Curiosity had clearly gotten the better of Lily as she sidled up to the bar. She had been unusually quiet in the passageway, but grew chatty again as the excitement of being at Hogsmeade had taken hold. It was sort of adorable.

James still felt embarrassed for the accidental double date they’d ended up on. 

_ No, you headcase.  _

He shouldn’t even think of it as a date because then he started to fumble and feel the pang of disappointment anew when he caught Lily’s guarded features. She was here for Alice. 

“My, my,” Madam Rosmerta said as she approached their end of the bar. She eyed Lily with appraisal. “Are you on a date, young Potter?”

James could so easily just let his eyes roll into the back of his head and topple over. Fainting would be ideal right about now. 

“ _ No, _ ” they both said quickly, glancing at the other for a short, horrified flash.

_ He  _ was worried about scaring her off.  _ She  _ was clearly disgusted. 

“Just four butterbeers for me and my  _ friends _ , Rosmerta, please,” James requested, scratching his neck with a laugh and handing over the sickles. 

Lily watched him out the corner of her eye as Madam Rosmerta disappeared. He was on a first name basis with the flipping barmaid. And there had been no attempts to charm Lily in the past hour; it left her feeling antsy. 

The pub was bustling and cosy and Lily just wanted to enjoy herself, even with James acting like he was on day release from Azkaban. 

Madam Rosemerta slid the tankards across the bar and James picked up two without preamble. 

“Just a tic,” He said to Lily, and went to deliver them to Frank and Alice. 

Lily drummed her fingers on the bar, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone. She felt a little exposed without James here. He was never out of place anywhere, she sort of envied that about him. 

“Red hair,” said a musing voice, and Lily jumped, realising that Madam Rosmerta was back, looking at her curiously. 

“Excuse me?” Lily’s eyes darted around, her hand reaching for the end of a red curl. 

Madam Rosmerta smirked, “You aren’t called Lily, are you, love?” She asked. 

With increasing concern, Lily opened her mouth to confirm when James was suddenly at her side.

He flashed Madam Rosmerta a definite  _ look _ . “You must be busy, Rosmerta, we’ll get out of your hair.” James said hastily. He expertly grabbed the handles of both mugs with one hand and guided Lily away from the bar, his free hand ghosting her waist. 

The brush of contact through her jacket and top sent a zing right through Lily and she batted him away. 

“I can walk by myself,” She said irritably. 

“Very clever, Evans,” He quipped distractedly. James felt flustered by the narrow escape from Rosmerta letting on about the amount of times he had sat in this pub and whined that she’d never like him back. 

James and Lily slid into a booth by the window, still in the eyeline of Alice and Frank’s table, not that the couple were looking over; they were far too busy doing some giggling and intense gazing. The first minute crept by as the two of them watched the other people, pretending to ignore each other.

Lily hated how bloody awkward she felt. She was determined not to look at James’ offensive hands. She wanted to grab them and examine them for some kind of shock device from Zonko’s. Perhaps the air was so thick from the storm that they’d had some kind of electric shock. Was that a thing? Ugh, she hadn’t studied anything like that since she was ten. 

James was truthfully trying to recover from touching Lily Evans for half a millisecond. He was pathetic. She was wearing about three layers and his brain was ready to leak through his nose at one small touch. 

In the end, their saving grace was a group of five witches occupying the booth behind Lily. Apparently, they had just finished their weekly  _ Warbling Witches Choir _ rehearsal. Lily’s paranoid ears tuned in when they started talking about Hogwarts. 

“A lot of these pureblood fanatics have children at the school,” One witch said in a low voice. Lily caught James’ eye and jerked her thumb to gesture to their conversation with meaningful eyes. “Is it serious enough for us to be worrying about the kids?”

“Well, would the Ministry even tell us?” Interjected another with contempt. 

“People have  _ disappeared _ . And not just anyone…” Said an anxious voice. “All Muggle borns.”

Lily’s hands felt clammy with unease. Her nervous eyes caught James’, contrastingly steady and concerned as they already watched her. 

She knew about this, of course. Horrible rumours of the kind had begun last year. But Lily had just spent two months blissfully ignorant in Cokeworth, arguing with Petunia, shopping with her mother and listening to the new records her father had bought. She wasn’t the daughter of muggles there, she was just Shirley and David’s youngest. 

“We’ll just do what we’ve always done,” Piped up a firm voice. 

“What?” Asked the original speaker. 

The steady voiced witch sighed, “Trust Dumbledore to keep the students safe.” 

Lily relaxed slightly, the witch was right. Dumbledore had famously defeated Grindelwald thirty years ago, and nobody would dare to cross him. He was the most powerful wizard in the world. 

“Besides, I hear Walburga Black’s eldest has abandoned ship,” Said a new speculative voice. James’ brow furrowed. “Children can think for themselves.”

The witches’ conversation took a turn onto their next possible performance (Madam Puddifoot’s Friday afternoon tea party).

“Are you all right, Evans?” James asked, concern warming his tone. 

She exhaled, “It’s not like I don’t know about all that going on  _ outside _ of Hogwarts.” Lily studied her fingernails. “But imagine people we  _ know _ doing those things. It’s unbearable. I hate to think that I have to worry about…” Lily was thinking of Snape, of course. The word he’d spat at her last summer. 

James must have guessed this because his eyes darkened unmistakably and the grip on his drink tightened and Lily felt her pulse skip in response. 

He, who had two affluent parents in the wizarding world, had already heard about the ex pupils falling straight out of Hogwarts into dark magic. Sirius’ cousins, Bellatrix and Narcissa, for example had certainly followed the family business of being bigoted and power hungry. They had left Hogwarts a few years ago and were up to nothing good, involved with the rising power that was Voldemort. Stupid name, in his opinion. But just to imagine those morons even  _ thinking _ about Lily set James’ blood boiling. 

“I hate that you even have to think about it,” James responded with an edge to his voice. His tone softened slightly, “But you don’t need to worry. Mar and the others, me and the boys, we’ve got your back, Evans.” He wanted to say  _ I’ve got you _ , but it sounded like too much. 

Lily’s eyes snapped up to properly look at him for the first time since they’d arrived in Hogsmeade. He sounded angry, and it felt…  _ nice  _ to have support even if she didn’t like a fuss. Lily didn’t want to admit to being worried, like admitting it would make the darkening world more real. 

“It’s probably best I rely on myself,” She said slowly, quietly, after a pause. Lily watched the way his mouth went from a hard line to a soft smile.  _ Ew, Evans, don’t watch his mouth, creep _ . 

He waved her off, “Right, you can handle yourself,” James said, a smirk forming, desperate to clear the cloud from her eyes. “How many times have you shown off your  _ capabilities  _ on me?” 

“Itt was practise, it wasn’t personal,” Lily said airily.

James’ smile grew, “It felt  _ very  _ personal, Evans.”

Lily protested at his wicked tone, fixing him with a withering glare, “Fine, it was extremely personal.” 

She tried her best to look unimpressed, but she felt like laughing. How did he  _ do _ that? Immediately put her at ease without even realising? The temporary awkwardness had been banished from the pub, and Lily was relieved. 

“What does she mean,” Lily lowered her voice slightly, leaning forward to ensure the witches behind her didn’t hear. “About Sirius  _ abandoning ship?” _

James did his best to concentrate on the question as he leaned forward himself, now in the range of her apple shampoo scent. Hair falling forward, green eyes curious; she was so oblivious to how intoxicating she was to him. Here, on a forbidden night out with  _ him _ , regardless of her reasons for coming. 

“Ah,” James said. “Sirius moved in with me this summer.” 

Lily’s jaw dropped open, “I had no idea! Merlin, is he okay?”

James nodded contemplatively, “If you ask him, he’ll tell you he’s doing  _ fucking fabulous.  _ But I know it hurts him to be shunned the way he has, even if he hates them. He’s worried about Regulus, too.” 

Lily’s mouth turned down in sympathy, but she waited a beat before speaking, thinking about bringing it up. “He hangs out with Severus.”

James tensed, not ready for Lily to defend the unforgivable piece of shit. 

“I thought I understood him, but I really didn’t,” She said instead. “Maybe we should all be worried.” 

They both basked in her statement for a few moments. He understood what she meant, and was saddened by it. To lose a friend was terrible. To wonder if you’d ever had a real friend to begin with was even worse. 

James desperately didn’t want Lily to be afraid to trust people, she who was so open and kind. He hoped she’d trust  _ him _ . 

Lily picked up her glass and drank deeply. When she put it back down her face had begun to clear, and she tilted her head at him. 

“What?” He asked, a smile already forming. Sucker. 

“I bet your parents were carted off to St Mungo’s for immediate rest and recuperation after dealing with you  _ and _ Sirius for two months,” She jibed, and he looked away bashfully to hide his grin. 

“We’re brilliant company, Evans, I thought you knew that now,” James insisted. 

Lily pursed her lips, “I don’t think  _ I  _ said brilliant, Potter. You are just about tolerable.” 

James shrugged, he wasn’t easily deterred. A thought struck him. 

“Hey, what on earth did you  _ do  _ with all those Firewhiskey bottles?” James asked curiously. “You know, you mentioned them earlier when I showed you the passage.”

Lily knew exactly what he was talking about, but she thought the best tact was to feign ignorance.  _ Damn your mouth, Evans _ . 

“What?” She asked. 

“I know you didn’t turn them in, because we didn’t hear a thing,” He recalled.

_ Whoops _ . He didn’t miss a bloody trick. 

Lily turned red, instantly guilty. She was compelled to be honest. “I panicked, they’re under my bed.”

James burst out laughing, “You still have them? Evans! I’m shocked.”

“I didn’t want Gryffindor to get in trouble for your audacity!” Lily defended. 

His laugh was incredibly infectious. “It’s okay to admit you didn’t want me in detention.”

“You’re a git,” Lily was definitely blushing. Getting a grip felt like a distant dream. 

“Lily Evans has ten firewhiskey bottles under her bed,” James surmised, enjoying her squirming. 

“Surprisingly,” She admitted. “It’s been a constant battle to stop Marlene drinking them all.”

“I’ll remember this when I need some light refreshment.” He was still chuckling, gazing at her in wonder. 

Lily glared, “You cannot have them  _ back.  _ That’s even worse!”

James pointed a finger, “Technically, you’ve stolen from me. What can I have in return?”

Her mind  _ should not  _ have gone where it did. She wanted to arrest her own treacherous brain. It was just down to that flaming jacket he was wearing. Yes. She’d clocked it last year and thought such a nice coat was wasted on James, who was likely to get magical slime all over it at some point. Now her brain wasn’t actively trying to despise his every action, she had to admit the coat suited him personally rather a lot. Lily just liked autumnal colours, her own wardrobe a palette of soft browns, yellows and oranges; and that was  _ all  _ it was _.  _ Whatever. 

She realised belatedly that in her turmoil she hadn’t even responded to him. 

James’ brow creased in concern.  _ Nice one, James, you made it almost an entire night with your prat filter working.  _

Hurriedly, he said, “I didn’t mean it like that, Evans.” James laughed to cover up the heat of shame at being so, well,  _ him _ . 

Lily cringed. Had they swapped minds? 

“Didn’t even think of it,” She lied. 

Of course he didn’t mean it like that. James of the past would’ve cornered her into calling this a date by now but this James… he had done nothing of the sort. He had just had a normal conversation with her. And she quite liked it? 

Lily mulled it over, “You can have three bottles back.”

James had completely forgotten the conversation from two seconds ago. “Three?” He recovered.

“Consider it an act of good faith,” Lily said. “I’m calling a truce.” She pointed a finger at him. “Do  _ not _ , for the love of Merlin, drink in the Common Room until the majority of Fourth Year and below are in their dorms. These are my terms, James Potter, do you accept?” 

He grinned. “Wholeheartedly.”

“Good,” She declared, glancing over to Alice and Frank for something to do. 

Oh, Merlin. They were kissing with considerable enthusiasm. Why did that make her so embarrassed? Were she not worried about drawing attention to themselves as students, Lily would have heckled. 

James had no qualms, and right on cue cheered loudly as he too saw Alice and Frank. The two of them broke apart, their faces both red from embarrassment and hormones. Shushing him through laughter, Lily kicked him under the table. 

“ _ Ouch _ , Evans,” He complained, but his face portrayed more delight than pain. 

“You’re a nuisance, Potter.”

“I’m celebrating our success! Look at them,” James gestured at their mates. Clearly not shy enough to refrain from sticking their faces together again. He pulled a face. “Or don’t, it’s getting a little bit gross.” He turned back to her, face clearing as Lily let out a laugh unwillingly. “See, I always told you we’d make a good team. You can admit it whenever you like.” 

Lily narrowed her eyes at him over her mug, observing him like a box of Filibuster’s fireworks that could go off any minute. 

“I won’t be admitting anything, thank you very much,” She said with as much airs as she could muster. James shrugged like he was expecting it, and so she added, “But I will  _ suggest _ that you are okayish.”

James’ hazel eyes glittered with the compliment, as pathetic as it was.  _ Okayish _ was not  _ I cannot stand you _ and that was a golden arch James had been waiting to pass under for a long time. Fine, she wasn’t about to give her his hand in marriage, but from the lips of Lily Evans, James Potter was  _ okayish.  _ He might get it embroidered on a badge. 

Aloud he only said, “Blimey, Evans. Okayish? You’re laying it on a bit thick aren’t you?” 

Lily flicked some dried candle wax at him defiantly. “Missing those hexes, Potter?”

James mimed zipping his lips. 

* * *

As Lily drew the line at returning after curfew, she and James pulled Alice and Frank from the pub in their dreamy-eyed state an hour later. James was in a bit of a dizzy state himself, due to the unstrained conversation he and Lily had shared. She still told him to piss off every five or so minutes, but there was a distinct lack of conviction behind it. 

The rain had doubled its efforts since they’d been in The Three Broomsticks, and it formed a near curtain in the lamplit street. 

“Merlin!” Squealed Alice, clutching onto Frank’s arm with a vice-like grip, peering up at the sky.

“Oh, bollocks,” James exclaimed as quietly as he could, but for an entirely different reason. Through the rain, he could make out a very short man accompanied by a taller man in a very fancy cloak. Professors Flitwick and Slughorn walked merrily along toward the pub, having clearly charmed themselves against the rain, water bouncing off invisible shields. It was the only reason James was able to clock them. 

_ Why  _ had he not brought the cloak again? 

Lily’s eyes followed James’ to the oncoming figures, still oblivious to the four Gryffindors. 

“Bugger!” 

Alice made a panicked noise. “What shall we do now?”

Frank had already transitioned smoothly into Head Boy mode, “Don’t panic, first and foremost.” 

“Blow that for a laugh! We’re like sitting ducks,” Lily countered. She was right. The four of them were huddled in the doorway as their teachers and a month worth of detentions - at  _ best - _ loomed closer. 

James finally spoke up, “Let’s just run for it.” 

Lily whacked his arm from where she stood (rather close) behind him. “Are you mad? That’ll be obvious.”

“You should trust people a little more, Evans,” He said, preparing to scarper. “No repelling charms, they’ll draw attention. It’s dark and raining, they will just see four people hurrying out of the weather.”

Alice and Frank nodded, joining hands. 

“After you, Potter,” the Head Boy whispered urgently as Flitwick and Slughorn approached the doorway. 

“If I take a wrong turn in this rain and end up stranded, I will hunt you down, Potter,” Lily hissed. 

“Promises, promises,” James muttered before feeling for her hand behind him. Lily made a gasp of surprise when he linked their fingers, but James was already taking off into the night, pulling her behind him. 

They were drenched in three seconds flat, and the howling winds blew the rain right into their faces as they ran across the cobblestones. Although she’d never admit it, Lily was thankful for James’ warm hand tightly gripping hers, as without his direction she probably would have just given up. She was too soaked and hyped up on adrenaline to notice the comfort and familiarity of the gesture. 

When James skidded to a halt in front of Honeydukes, Lily nearly took him out as she slammed into his stationary body. He brought up his free arm to steady her elbow, and as she regained her balance, she became acutely aware that they were touching at several points, hands, arms, chests. 

Alice and Frank slowed to a stop beside them and Lily pushed away, but his hand held firm as he put a finger to his lips in signal and did not let go until he had safely navigated them into the cellar and the passage below. 

Alice and Frank descended into hushed laughter, shaking out their sopping hair and squeezing out their sleeves. James and Lily took a few moments to catch up however, looking at one another oddly until suddenly they had to look anywhere but. Lily didn’t see the way James flexed the hand she’d held. 

Quickly, she pulled out her wand and dried them both off with streams of hot air. 

_ Great _ ,  _ now you look all flustered and warm _ , Lily thought. She sort of was, but that was surely a consequence of committing a felony to get into the shop cellar. 

James’ dazed silence finally vanished with the water. She’d dried him off without even asking. He really liked that camaraderie from her. 

“Thanks,” He said genuinely. 

“We’re not out of the woods yet,” Lily announced brusquely and led the walk back through the tunnel. 

James sped up slightly to keep pace with her and Lily frowned in the dark. Being back in the tunnel reminded her of the face he had been wearing when his friends abandoned him earlier: utter panic. But then he hadn’t minded pulling her through the storm… yet again, perhaps that was just normal for James? He was, she was starting to admit, a naturally good friend. Even if the absence of her yelling and his pestering had left them in a bit of a grey zone. 

“Imagine if they’d caught us!” Alice said conspiratorially from behind them. 

“You’re officially dating the Head Boy, Alice, you should start testing your immunity,” Lily joked. 

“You’re in the Slug Club, Evans,” James reminded her. “He probably would have invited you and Longbottom for a drink.”

Lily snorted, “Jealous, Potter?”

“So you would accept! Is that your type, then, old Potions professors?” 

“I just can’t get enough,” She replied drily. 

James laughed to himself, and Lily’s mouth tugged up at the corners, safe in the black darkness. 

The feeling of Lily’s hand in his burned like an imprint and spurred on James’ good mood for the entire journey back to the castle. 

* * *

Mary was looking mournfully out of a window in the Common Room, though she couldn’t see anything except spats of rain illuminated by the occasional lightning fork. 

“I spent such a long time on Alice’s hair, and this will have completely ruined it,” she announced to the group on the sofas. 

Marlene and Mary had reunited with Remus, Sirius and Peter on the way to Gryffindor tower and been filled in on Alice and Frank’s surprise date. She could hardly wait for the details any longer. 

Marlene, however, was far more interested in the whole Lily-and-James-forced-together scenario. She loved Alice, but she already  _ knew _ that her and Frank were bloody adorable, and hearing romantic stories late into the night with Mary four feet away, dreaming of her own escapades with Fenwick, was not Marlene’s favourite way to spend a Saturday night. 

Lily would be hard to crack, though. Marlene used to love her friend’s disparagement of James, as she had grown up with him and couldn’t tolerate all the fawning over the boy who used to throw his peas at her (and occasionally still did.)

But then, her pity for James and his unrequited love won out and around the same time she recognised certain ways Lily dismissed James were the same ways Marlene would dismiss Mary. It was like an owl biting you before you got close enough to stroke it’s feathers. 

She couldn’t help but wonder. I mean, Lily  _ had _ stopped telling him off for breathing too loudly, and that was her favourite past time. Now it was Marlene who wouldn’t mind shouting at him. 

“Who invented this game?” Sirius demanded, glowering at the chessboard at which he sat playing with Peter. 

Remus was lounging on the sofa and looked up from his book, “You’re just an impatient git, Padfoot.”

Peter hummed in agreement as he watched his knight decimate Sirius’ queen. “Checkmate.”

Sirius stood up and stretched. “Where’s Prongs? It’s almost ten o’clock.” 

“You’re obsessed with him,” Mary pulled a face.

Not in the least bit offended, Sirius quipped, “You could be a little  _ more  _ obsessed with him, Mary. You’re the one going on a date.” 

“It’s not a date,” She monotoned with practiced exhaustion. 

“The whole school is going to think otherwise,” Peter said. 

Mary tried not to look too pleased about that, “They’re the ones I need to convince, not you. Otherwise what’s the point?” She argued. 

“You’re saying  _ they’re _ , but you mean  _ Benjy _ ,” Marlene was working overtime not to sound bitter after their argument earlier. 

“Mary, have you thought…” Remus began, but seemed to think better of it and clamped his mouth shut. 

Mary’s eyes narrowed in on him, defenses flying up, “Thought what?”

He seemed thoroughly remorseful he’d uttered a single syllable. He worked his mouth like a goldfish for a few moments, causing Sirius and Peter to exchange glances.

“You know how girls are,” Remus tried again. 

Marlene’s eyebrows flew into her hairline. 

Mary seemed utterly perplexed now, “Do I?”

Remus sighed, “I’m not saying this right.”

“Mate, you’re not saying anything,” Sirius interjected.

He shot Sirius a glare, who then pretended to look busy scouring a blank piece of parchment.

“I just mean, how does Lily feel about you going out with James?” The prefect exhaled. 

His relief was short lived as Mary instantly soured, “Why are people acting like I’m a bad friend? Lily has  _ never  _ staked her claim on James. In fact, in case you haven't noticed, she lives on the other side of the ocean to being interested in him!” 

The boys were reluctant to meet her eye, but Marlene scoffed. 

“That is typical of you, Mary. So bloody obtuse.”

“Here we go!” Mary countered furiously. “Please do tell us what you have to say for a change.” 

“You simplify everything!” 

“So, suddenly I’m stupid!”

“You’re deliberately missing the point, as usual.”

It was the same argument from earlier, just minced and rearranged. It felt to Marlene like she might be stuck in this loop for the rest of her life. If she found Mary this frustrating, why on earth would she care about her  _ that way? _

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything,” Remus interrupted, calm tone unwavering. His face told a different story of intense discomfort. 

“It’s fine, Remus,” Mary sniffed.

“Yes, we can’t cater to her every whim,” Marlene taunted. “We'd all be exhausted.” 

“Shut  _ up,  _ Marlene!” Mary squawked, storming off in a huff. 

Marlene couldn’t help it, and she disappeared up the spiral staircase after her, “Where are you  _ going _ ? We share a dorm!”

Other students in the Common Room immediately bent their heads to giggle and whisper about the latest public argument. Remus and Peter stared at each other in jarred silence. 

Remus felt awful about starting a fight between the two of them, but honestly, it wasn’t that hard to do. Mary and Marlene had been griping at each other since First Year, but bitterly defended the other if anyone else tried it. 

Remus wasn’t necessarily shy, but he disliked confrontation and shouting. He rarely raised his voice. And he  _ did  _ have his suspicions about Lily. They’d been friends for a long time, and very occasionally he thought he caught her slipping up by looking at James when he left a room. 

“Girls terrify me,” Peter uttered at last, visibly shaken. 

Remus opened his mouth to respond when Sirius spoke up, his voice urgent. 

“Moony, Wormtail, let’s go,” He told them, and Remus looked over as he folded up the previously blank parchment, now swirling with ink, into his pocket. 

His two friends didn’t even ask questions as they followed him out of the portrait hole. 

* * *

James sealed the statue of the one-eyed witch behind him. He gave her head a pat when no one was looking, she had helped him out a lot after all.

Lily leaned on the stone wall, keeping lookout, as Alice and Frank were utterly useless at paying attention to anything other than each other tonight. 

“I can expect those Firewhiskey bottles this week, then?” James said as he approached her. 

Lily only levelled a stare up at him, “You’re relentless. Win the first Quidditch match of the year and we’ll talk.”

As they fell into step, James could barely contain his sheer joy that she was joking with him,  _ bartering with him,  _ for Merlin’s sake. 

“You’re a bit bonkers for Quidditch.” It wasn’t a question, but she nodded anyway. 

James knew she was, because her screams from the stands could be heard all the way up in the air and a core part of his brain was focussed on tuning her out. She was very distracting, and he liked it too much. 

“I’d bag your captaincy in a heartbeat, Potter.”

“That so? Why don’t you?” 

“Oh, I suck.”

James’ burst of laughter was cut short when Lily stopped in her tracks. 

Severus Snape and Regulus Black had just turned the corner. 

James’ hands instantly flexed into fists at the sneer with which Snape addressed them with. Lily schooled her face into a neutral expression and the icy breeze that blew through the corridors suddenly felt piercing. 

It was Frank who spoke first, stepping forward a tangible step ahead of James and Lily. 

“Out for a stroll?” He asked pleasantly. “It’s very nearly curfew.”

Snape glanced at his watch, “So, it is. You’re awfully dressed up.” He pointedly looked at Lily’s woolen hat, and the moment made her want to step back. She refused to do any such thing, and looked right into his bleak eyes, which rested on her forehead.  _ Ha _ , she thought,  _ who’s the coward? _

“It’s cold,” James’ tone was cool and nonchalant, but his eyes were seething. This only seemed to aggravate Snape more. Regulus, however, just toyed with his sleeves. 

“How about we all get going?” Frank said diplomatically, and took Alice’s hand once more. 

The pair of them took a few pointed steps toward the Slytherins in order to pass them. Alice held out her hand for Lily as she went, and the redhead took it gratefully.

Unmoving, Snape levelled his gaze at James and said, “Night time walks aren’t safe.” He said it with enough venom that Lily faltered and looked furiously over her shoulder. 

“Why would you say that?” She demanded, pulling free from Alice’s grip. 

James’ muscles ached at the effort it took to stay still. This was  _ her  _ fight.  _ Keep it together, James _ . 

For the first time in months, Snape and Lily were finally unable to avoid each other. The initial sadness at losing him was like a sour memory, just like everything else about their friendship. Disgust at his pitiful hatred was all that lingered along with betrayal. His eyes mirrored that hurt, and it made her livid. He was the one who had shown disloyalty, and humiliated her. That wasn’t even mentioning his archaic views on blood status. 

Quiet and sullen as ever, he replied, “It’s just a fact.”

Lily recoiled from him, afraid of what she might do or say, when Sirius’ voice boomed along the corridor. 

“No one invited me to the party!” 

His eyes met James’ briefly in a silent exchange. Frank swore in exasperation as Remus and Peter followed, stances prepared and out of breath. 

Sirius fixed his younger brother with a frown. “Bedtime, Reg.” 

Furious, Regulus spat at Sirius. “You have made our mother inconsolable! You should be ashamed.”

“That old hag is the one who should be ashamed,” Sirius laughed derisively. 

Snape cut in, “We didn’t come for an episode of family drama.” 

“Why  _ did  _ you come?” James asked in disgust. He stepped closer to the pale boy, anger palpable. “Stay away from Evans, you miserable bastard. She doesn’t need your  _ advice _ anymore.”

“Don’t be fooled that she needs anything from the likes of you,” Snape hissed.

James’ nostrils flared dangerously, “You’re pathetic, you don’t even deserve to look at her.” His hand twitched toward his wand.

“Potter!” Lily said sharply, and pulled him by the elbow away from the throng, marching away without a backwards glance. Snape watched the exchange with nothing short of lethal fury. 

“Good idea,” Frank said. “Let’s all  _ go,  _ before I start reporting people.  _ All of you, _ ” He added to Sirius. 

The Gryffindors didn’t need more encouragement after that, and left the two Slytherins alone in the corridor, and alone with their thoughts. 

* * *

Some part of Lily knew she wasn’t projecting her anger onto the right person. She had powered ahead of the group and let her fury tumble and twist until she was mad about anything but the altercation that had just occurred. 

So when James caught up to her at the portrait of the Fat Lady, she wasn’t in a great way. 

“What a prick,” He said, running a hand through his hair. “Are you all right?”

Lily bristled, “I’m  _ fine.  _ I don’t need you lording your victory over me.” 

James was visibly surprised, “What? Evans, I was just-”

“Exercising your old heroic habits, I know,” She said curtly, turning to the portrait. “ _ Nimwit _ .” She said clearly, giving James a pointed look of irritation as the entrance swung open. 

James stood on the spot for a moment, baffled. 

“Oi, Evans!” He couldn’t take that tone, not tonight. 

In the Common Room, she whirled around with folded arms. 

“I bet you’re feeling smug,” She said suddenly, like she had been unable to keep a lid on her temper. “ _ I knew that Snape was rotten and I was right! Lily is such an idiot!”  _ She said in a poor imitation.

“That better not be me, Evans, because I would never even think that!” James’ temper had been sparked, and the rest of their friends had arrived, looking keen to turn around again. 

“Give over, Potter,” she scoffed.

He raised his hands in despair, “How can you be angry that I’m looking out for you?” 

“Because it wasn’t about  _ me _ ! That was about Potter being better than Snape,” Lily countered. She could feel a lump forming in her throat, and crying would be much  _ much _ worse than arguing, so she allowed herself to fuel the convenient little leech that was anger. 

James shook his head, laughing without humour, “I don’t need any proof of that. And I won’t stop defending anybody against pricks like him,” He said honestly, because how could she not know that?

Lily’s breathing was heavy in the silence that followed. James could see she was upset, but he couldn’t fathom why it was at  _ him _ . Was that the bottom line, that she’d always think he was thinking of himself? 

Lily only knew that being angry with James was a lot less scary than being angry at herself. Above them, a door closed and footfalls landed on the spiral staircase. Lily looked around at her other friends, pretending not to listen by the fireplace. Rain still assaulted the windows. 

Slightly embarrassed at her outburst, she backed toward the staircase. 

“Just save it for Mary next time,” She said to James, but not entirely sure why. 

Mary spoke from behind her, dressed in pyjamas and looking alarmed, “Oh, you told Lily about our date? Uh, I was going to do that, James.”

Lily’s eyes must have been comically wide as she looked back and forth between her friend and James Potter. 

What?

_ I’m in a coma, and this is the most mental thing my brain could come up with,  _ she thought,  _ that is the only logical explanation _ .

James looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights, but did not deny a thing. The fight left Lily like someone had swung a hammer at it. She felt the wave of emotions crash home, and she was bloody tired. 

“Evans...” James began. 

“Night, Potter,” She said dismissively, and all but ran up the stairs, Mary in tow.

James groaned, turning to the Marauders. 

“Almost two weeks without Evans shouting at you,” Sirius announced with a sarcastic thumbs up, and Remus thumped him. 

After everyone trailed off to bed with sympathetic looks toward James - Alice even patting his arm - Marlene came over and dropped herself on the sofa beside him. 

“What’s going on?” She demanded. 

“I was hoping someone would tell me that,” James blew out a breath, and flopped in the nearest armchair. 

Marlene however, narrowed her eyes. 

“Seriously, James? You asked Mary to go to Hogsmeade with you!” 

Merlin, he was doing well tonight. “What’s the big deal, McKinnon?”

The blonde sputtered, “Um, Lily! Of course this is about Lily. Isn’t asking out her best friend a bit of a counterproductive move?”

James sighed, “It’s just Hogsmeade, it doesn’t mean anything.” A bold lie. At a school like Hogwarts, Hogsmeade wasn’t just a village, it was the only place for miles and it meant a lot to take somebody there. Merlin, he was just trying to help a friend and  _ not  _ think about Lily whatever she might be doing.

“What a load of shit! Hogsmeade is virtually a destination wedding at this school,” Marlene pulled a face.

“Look, Mar, you’re suddenly very offended on behalf of Lily, who couldn’t give a toss who I take  _ anywhere. _ ”

“ _ You’re  _ the one who’s acting so weird.  _ Great  _ if you’ve moved on, mate, seriously. But why Mary of all people?”

“I thought this was about Lily, not Mary.”

“This…” Marlene began. “It’s all relative, James. I think this was a bad idea.”

James groaned, “I’m full of them, apparently.” Being hassled by Marlene was what James always imagined it must be like to have a sister. He shoved her lightly. “It’s fine, Mar. You’re not seriously worried about me  _ hurting  _ someone are you?”

“No, James,” Marlene sighed. “That assumes you’re even charming enough to win either of them over in the first place.” His head whipped toward her, mock wounded, and she grinned. 

“Will you stop telling me off, now? It’s not nearly as good as when Evans does it,” He said, and Marlene would have cringed if he wasn’t being so pathetically honest. 

She relented and laughed, “Give her a few days, okay?” 

James nodded in concession. What was a few days on top of a few years?

* * *

After the whirlwind of Saturday, the girls and the Marauders took an unspoken break from one another. 

Lily spent much of Sunday annoyed and snappy, leaving Alice to tell the other two girls about Snape’s ominous words. Alice kept the gushing about the date to a minimum in her earshot, but Mary used the long periods of silence in their dorm to speculate about  _ her  _ perfect date. Lily didn’t ask her any questions, but Marlene told her to shut up around four o’clock and joined Lily in her bad mood quarantine. 

James threw himself into Quidditch trials and tried not to think about what Lily would say about each tryout. Sirius, Remus and Peter got up late and kept busy, knowing that their mate would come to them when he was ready. 

Perhaps Frank Longbottom was the only one who felt pretty great. He had abandoned his patrol duty for the first time in his life to sneak off with Alice and so you could say his weekend wasn’t all that bad.

* * *

Monday morning brought double Potions with it for the Sixth Years. 

Strolling into the dungeons, James heart sunk considerably when he remembered he had swapped with Lily and he could possibly be about to be verbally butchered by her mates for two hours. 

“Enjoy, Prongsy,” Sirius clapped him on the back and strode off to the table where Lily was already based. It was only the back of her head, but his heart did a little wriggle at the sight. 

To his surprise, Alice smiled sympathetically as he swung his bag onto their table. 

“Hi, James,” Mary nodded, busy doodling on the cover of  _ Advanced Potion-Making.  _

He looked over to Marlene, who stuck out her tongue, pulling a lollipop from her satchel. 

“I didn’t properly thank you for taking me and Frank to The Three Broomsticks,” Alice said. “It was perfect, until… you know.” She winced.

“My pleasure, Alice,” James brushed her thanks off. “I was having a good time, too, until…” He snorted. “ _ You know. _ ”

‘You know’ sidled into the classroom at that exact moment, and James exhaled slowly as he turned away from Snape. Leaving that git alone would be easier if he didn’t want so desperately to sling his wand away and punch him. 

Alice chewed on her lip, “I’m not going to sit here and divulge my best friend’s secrets, but I don’t think she was mad at  _ you _ , exactly.”

James huffed, “You and I remember things very differently.” 

“Trust me, Lily is made up of eighty per cent pride and that worm,” Alice jabbed a thumb over her shoulder discreetly. “Has blasted it all to pieces.”

James softened, and his eyes strayed back to the girl in question. 

“What a twat,” Marlene glowered. “Alice reckons he wanted to scare her,” She said to James.

James nodded, “He did. It’s all about having the last word with Snivellus.”

“You never want them to see that they get to you,” Mary said in an off voice, and James knew she was thinking about last year, when Mulciber had attempted to attack her one night after dinner. “She wants to be taken seriously, and she always wants to be strong,” She told James.

Alice continued, sighing. “And Lily’s her own harshest critic.” 

Marlene agreed, her speech garbled due to the lollipop, “Lily’s a peach. An angry peach.”

“An angry peach surrounded by barbed wire,” Mary added fondly, her voice still a little far away. Her morphed into comical distaste as Marlene smacked her lollipop. “It’s way too early in the morning for that.”

Marlene smacked it again, just to make Mary laugh. 

Their strange words oddly comforted James. He knew that she worked harder to prove herself than anyone. He wouldn’t like that to be threatened, either. 

Sitting with Lily’s friends was proving to be insightful, and James decided he wouldn’t push Lily into talking to him if she felt vulnerable, no matter how much he might miss her and the small bridge they’d made. 

* * *

By lunchtime, Lily was aware of the position she’d put herself in. 

The boys clearly thought she’d pop a vein if they mentioned James, or Snape, or anything in relation that morning. But she’d cooled off now. What was  _ annoying,  _ therefore, was that she sort of wanted to know how Potter had reacted to her temper. 

The James she thought she knew would have laughed it off and tried again the next day, but this one hadn’t bothered her in both the lessons they’d shared that morning. It was odd to wonder if she’d hurt his feelings. But there she was. 

One thing was for certain, she couldn’t bloody well ask. That felt somehow like giving something up. Lily felt stupid enough already. 

Add that to the list of things she blamed Severus Snape for. 

He had called her a  _ mudblood,  _ in front of everyone. What did it then look like if pure blood wizards came to her defence? Why did she  _ care?  _ She wanted to feel safe, not triumphant. 

Lily stabbed a carrot and Mary shuffled away delicately. They didn’t take Muggle Studies, for obvious reasons, and so the two of them could stretch out their lunch on a Monday. 

She didn’t know _what_ to make of Mary. A date with James Potter? She’d had her suspicions but the last thing she expected was the two of them to become something. Sure, she’d been upset on Saturday, but that was more like confusion snowballing into her _real_ upset. 

No, she had not sat up in her four-poster last night imagining their babies, that would be insane. 

Oh, Merlin. Would she have to sit with her best friend being all couple-y with  _ Potter?  _ It was so bizarre and yet Lily had to admit that there was no reason for them not to. He was bound to ask somebody else out eventually. Granted, this was a little close to home, but shouldn’t she be glad he’d moved on? 

_ Yes! Be happy for your friend Mary, you bitter hag!  _

“So, Mary,” Lily said mechanically. “You’re going on a date with Potter.”

Clearly surprised she had decided to bring it up, Mary looked across the table at Lily like she’d grown horns. She resisted the urge to feel for them on her head - Wendy Wise had really done it in Transfiguration once. 

Lily rambled on when she didn’t respond straight away, “It’s fine, you know. It’s not weird, at least for me. Is it weird for you? No, of course not, you’re excited!” Bloody hell. 

Mary opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again, “I know he’s asked you out a lot, Lil, but I guess it’s not weird if he doesn’t think so. James was the one who fancied you, after all, not the other way round.” 

Lily tasted metal. It was probably unrelated. 

“Exactly! You have fun. Such a cute couple,``she said, and it sounded slightly strangled.  _ Such a cute couple?  _ She sounded like Petunia complimenting her ‘friends’ that she later called ugly and tasteless behind their backs. “But, Mare, what about Benjy?” 

“Oh,” Mary giggled. “Who knows? We’re young, right? Everyone knows Benjy and James are two of the best looking blokes in the school.”

“Right,” Lily nodded. 

Mary smiled brightly, “Thanks for being so cool, Lily. I knew you wouldn’t mind.” 

“Yep,” Lily muttered as Mary flicked open a magazine. “I’m cool.”

She didn’t see the knowing smile her friend barely concealed. 

You see, Mary was a proud Gryffindor. She went to all the Quidditch matches and had lost a total of only twenty house points. When she told her muggle mother that she was in the house that valued bravery, Mrs Macdonald had said, “I suppose saying whatever you want counts as brave”. Alice said that was rude, but Mary took it as a compliment. 

Yes, Mary was a proud Gryffindor. But she would have made a decent Slytherin, too.

It wasn’t cruelty that stopped her from denying to Lily that she was going on a date with James, but cunning. Marlene thought she didn’t think of anyone but herself, which was most unfair. 

Mary was under the honest impression that Lily didn’t care about James asking her to Hogsmeade, but now she was curious.  _ Had _ she been ‘obtuse’? Mary had decided she would gage for herself whether Lily was burying any feelings for their Quidditch captain. She was already on a mission to make Benjy jealous, maybe she’d find out if Lily was, too. She could be like Cupid, except pretty and a witch. 

_ That  _ was being a good friend. Take that, McKinnon. 

* * *

The full moon had arrived and the rain had finally abated by Monday evening. The Marauders had such an early dinner in order to nap before night fell, they were leaving the Great Hall when Lily and the others arrived. 

Sirius winked, “Don’t miss me too much,” he said as a greeting and farewell. 

Peter waved nervously and Remus smiled tiredly as they passed them. James’ heart skipped when he saw the familiar flash of red hair, but he only nodded distractedly as he jogged after his mates. If he hadn’t been in such a rush and determined not to be annoying, he would have seen the way Lily turned to watch him go, concern written on her face and feeling slightly shunned. 

“She looked pretty tonight,” James said mournfully as they walked back to Gryffindor tower. 

Sirius snorted, “You say that every night.” 

“You’re being very laid back,” Peter said. “I’m proud of you, Prongs.” 

“Yeah, laid back in front of  _ her _ ,” Sirius sighed with great pain. “You’ve really amped it up for us.” 

James ruffled Sirius’ perfectly mussed hair, causing him to yelp, “Who’s a good boy?” He joked, and Sirius shoved him off, laughing. 

“All right, all right. You won’t be laughing when I tell your mother about how you upset  _ dear Lily _ ,” He said with a wicked gleam in his eye. 

“Stop talking about Evans to my mum, Padfoot!” James groaned. 

“She loves her more than you and she’s only seen Evans from afar,” Sirius lamented. “Understandable.” 

James managed to trip Sirius and they all fell about laughing. Even Remus in his exhaustion cracked a smile. 

“C’mon, mate,” James put an arm around the werewolf’s shoulders. “Let’s get you to bed.”

* * *

That night, Lily had to wonder if James was avoiding her; he hadn’t even been in the Common Room after dinner. She  _ had  _ shouted at him. Maybe that bothered him now. 

She rolled over in her four-poster, frowning in the near-darkness. Thinking about James Potter this much had to be a sign of madness. She’d been conditioned to expect his attention and now he had gone cold turkey and asked out her best mate. What  _ gives?  _ Her brain had the right to be scrambled. 

What kept coming back to Lily was the thought that barged into her head when James had stood up for her to Snape.  _ He’s still in there _ . Headstrong, bull in a china shop James Potter still existed somewhere within him. She couldn’t forget the way that knowledge warmed her bones. 

She would hate for him to ignore her when she had just grown up enough to know that last year she had dismissed James Potter as one thing. Lily had convinced herself that’s all there was to him, whereas she had forced her friendship with Snape to go on a lot longer than it was meant to, and she didn’t really know why. 

Lily knew she shouldn’t have been angry that James had defended her, that it was an old defense of hers that had kicked in. The world was changing and the luxury of not facing the truth belonged to the past.

And the truth was she sort of wanted to be James Potter’s friend. 

Merlin’s fucking beard. 

Lily squeezed her eyes shut. 


	5. James and Misplaced Modesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily navigates a new dynamic with the blissfully unaware James.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yall! Thanks for waiting for this chapter. Firstly I want to say I hope everyone is staying safe and being sensible in this insane time all around the world. I'm an essential worker so finding time to write has been hard but imperative. I hope James and Lily can be the distraction for you they are for me!   
> Thank you to BrazilianWriter, Nina and BassLineEscapeAct for your lovely lovely words! Extra special shoutout to Nina for understanding James' Darcy moment hahaha.   
> Obviously this story is Jily-centric but I will be bringing in more characters and dynamics as it goes on. You've probably noticed my love for the James/Marlene as childhood friends headcanon.   
> Come say hey on tumblr: deadlysansa.   
> Keep well - "Constant vigilance!"

_ Thursday 23rd September 1976 _

“Oi, come here!” 

In the Entrance Hall, Marlene caught sight of her friends ambling down the stairs in an early morning stupor. She beckoned them over to where she stood with a gaggle of students. 

“What are you yapping at us for?” Lily yawned. “I haven’t even eaten breakfast.”

Marlene gestured to the large notice that had been pinned to the wall with flapping arms, “Look!”

Alice frowned at the jostling shoulders hiding the poster from her view, “I can’t see.” 

Mary frowned in agreement, “Can you just tell us so we can get on with our lives?” 

“You lot do my head in,” Marlene complained. “Apparition lessons! It’s the sign up sheet.”

The three girls lit up then, squealing with excitement. A bunch of Hufflepuffs moved away, and they elbowed their way into the gap in front of the poster. 

“Merlin, I can’t wait to Apparate,” Alice clapped her hands. “One minute here, the next,” She snapped her fingers. “Anywhere I want!” 

“Once I’ve passed my test, the first thing I’m doing is tossing all and any floo powder I see into the bin,” Mary said with a wrinkled nose. “I am tired of getting soot in my eyes.” 

“ _ Optional _ ,” Lily read from the poster. “Imagine turning it down.” 

Marlene clicked her tongue, “For me, apparition is all about revenge. My brothers all think it’s dead funny to apparate into my room at four a.m. and scare the living daylights out of me. Payback is calling!”

“They did that to me this summer and I threw juice all over my skirt. I think I’ll join you,” Mary shuddered at the memory before holding out an expectant hand. “Let’s sign up, who’s got a quill?”

A pristine white quill dropped into her palm. The girls all looked round in confusion. 

“Good to see you’re all doing it,” Benjy Fenwick said with a smile. 

His affect was instantaneous. Mary giggled; Marlene rolled her eyes. 

“Oh, hi, Benjy. I’m sure you’re going to be great,” Mary assured him, her voice slightly higher than before. Lily elbowed her. 

“Don’t even think about beating me,” She joked, trying to prevent Mary from practically simpering. 

“Ah,” Benjy grinned. “Now you’ve said that, Lily, I absolutely must.”

“But you definitely won’t,” interrupted a new but familiar voice, and Lily jumped at the sudden appearance of the Marauders. It was practically a party in the Entrance Hall, Lily thought,  _ I should have bought a bloody pinata.  _

James stood with his hands in his pockets, hair still slightly mussed from sleep. Lily had the bizarre notion of smoothing it down and curled her fingers into her palms. He was smiling at Benjy, but his mates’ more apprehensive expressions gave him away. To his credit, Benjy laughed good naturedly and nodded. 

“You’re probably right! Well, when we pass our tests we can go absolutely anywhere in the blink of an eye,” He winked. “I wonder where we’ll all go first.” 

Mary almost passed out on the spot, but James just laughed airily. 

Lily watched the exchange with a schooled pleasant expression, but her brain was ticking away. She couldn’t imagine ever getting used to Potter getting jealous over Mary. Everyone in Gryffindor tower knew about her long standing obsession with Benjy, and now James clearly didn’t appreciate the Ravenclaw’s presence near his date. 

“Anywhere but in and out of Hogwarts,” said Marlene in a tone that implied,  _ duh _ . Unimpressed, she snatched the quill and wrote down her own and Mary’s names on the sign up sheet. Lily found she was glad for her friend’s lack of tact in that moment. 

The rest of them followed suit and made their way into the Great Hall, chattering excitedly. In her sluggish morning mood, Lily found herself last to write her name down. 

“Ugh,” Lily mumbled, patting herself down for a quill she realised she didn’t have. 

Before her, James handed Lily a weathered spocked brown and black quill which must have been his own, and shuffled on his feet. He was clearly torn between politely waiting for her and heading to breakfast. 

Lily accepted the quill with unsure fingers and smiled at him for a half-beat.  _ Say something polite, you bloody goldfish,  _ she thought to herself. 

She took the plunge, “How are you, James?” 

His eyebrows flew up, “I’m fine, thanks, Evans.” He paused, looking at her in concern. “Are  _ you  _ feeling alright?” 

Oh, she was such a catch. He was about to check her vitals just because she had been pleasant to him.

“Yep, fine, too,” Lily said quickly. 

She jotted her name down, mentally cursing. When she looked up, James was still looking jarred, looking down at her with the smallest furrow of his brow. 

“So, we’re both fine,” She surmised, avoiding his gaze. If only she could apparate out of the country already. 

“Breakfast?” James asked, and she nodded, following him into the Great Hall, wondering when she’d developed the world’s most awkward personality. 

Lily and James slid onto the benches next to their friends, and overhead the post owls swooped in and out of the hall and the enchanted ceiling showed a much brighter morning than the previous week’s forecast. The leaves had begun to change though, signalling the real start of Autumn. Lily knew that meant October was looming and the first official Hogsmeade visit was approaching. At this moment in time, she was going in a bitter duo with Marlene. Lily would ordinarily ask Marlene  _ why  _ she’s so bitter, but that might mean that Marlene would return the question which she had no answer for. 

It had been over a week since Lily realised she actually wanted to be friends with James. The consequence of that was apparently turning into an absolute weirdo. She thought way too much about trying to strike up natural conversations with him and repairing the fragile olive branch he’d offered in taking her to Hogsmeade last week. 

This was one hundred percent karma. 

Her mother believed very strongly in those sorts of things, so Lily should have been more prepared. She thought she was a fairly friendly person, but Lily couldn’t make friends with James the way she did with other people. It was  _ Potter _ , and that meant that Lily would be keeping all of this strictly under wraps, even from the girls. Not only could she not stand the teasing that would ensue, but her pride was a real double edge sword. Despite not minding him as a person, it would be the greatest backtrack in history if others realised. And Lily still stood  _ by _ her principles that made James so aggravating last year. 

Her awkwardness was only exacerbated by the fact that he was taking Mary on a date. There weren’t exactly many methods to befriend someone who asked you out six times a week for a year only to fancy your best friend. She wasn’t  _ bothered _ , it was just very odd. 

She was glad of the disruption when Frank, Hestia and Emmeline joined them at the table. Alice instantly signalled for Mary to swap with her so she could sit next to Frank. Unbothered, Mary was now beside James, leaning forward to poach a tomato from Marlene’s plate. 

“Hello all,” Hestia greeted happily. “Apparition lessons are starting soon, I see.” 

“About time,” Sirius told her. “I’m seventeen on the third of November.”

“He thinks he’ll pass in one month,” Remus didn’t conceal his grin. 

“ _ I _ think we should take bets,” James added. 

Peter tossed a sickle onto his plate, “Against.” He said flatly, and they laughed. 

“You sods, I’m going to be brilliant,” Sirius assured them. 

Emmeline grinned, “You’re going to love it. The first two weeks of summer I didn’t walk anywhere.” 

“That’s the dream,” Lily sighed. 

“When’s your birthday?” Asked Hestia. 

Lily pouted, “Thirtieth of January.” 

“In the meantime, you should just ask your suitors to carry you around,” Emmeline said seriously, biting into her toast.

“Oh, I will,” Lily said equally seriously, clicking her fingers in Sirius’ face. 

He laughed, sweeping a mock bow as best he could whilst sitting down. “ _ Finally, _ Evans. You’ve seen the handsome light.”

Lily snorted, “Horrifying.”

Laughing, Emmeline turned to Alice, “You shouldn’t even have to  _ ask _ .” She poked Frank, who looked alarmed. 

“You just want Gideon Prewett to carry you down the halls, Em,” He said knowingly, and the group burst out laughing in delight.

Emmeline went crimson, “All right, Longbottom!” 

Lily glanced at James and Mary, but she couldn’t even spot an intention of joining in on the joke. It was very unlike Potter. He clearly had a very different tact of impressing Mary; he just chuckled as he finished his plate. 

His eyes met hers before she could look away, and she pretended to check her watch. 

“We have Charms in ten minutes,” She said abruptly. 

Lily was first to get up and leave the table, waving her goodbyes to the Seventh Years. The others followed her out, Marlene and Peter still balancing food in their mouths as they picked up bags. 

Without warning, her feet were swept out from under her. Lily shrieked, grabbing onto her bag. 

A gleeful Sirius had an arm around her waist and an arm under her knees, and was jogging out of the hall with her in his clutches. 

“ _ Sirius Black, put me down!”  _ She demanded, batting at his arms. 

Of course, he did no such thing and the last thing Lily saw of the Great Hall was hundreds of faces swerved in their direction amidst much laughter. 

“Never, Evans!” Sirius replied dramatically. “You asked.”

Lily shook her head at him, desperate to be furious but honestly struggling not to smile. 

“You’re nuts,” She said sternly, ruined by the twitch of her mouth. “You cannot carry me all the way to Charms!” 

“Physically, I assure you I can,” He said cheekily. Then considered, “But I might be giving a certain someone a nervous breakdown right now.” 

Sirius set her down on the stairs and winked. Straightening her skirt and smoothing her shirt, Lily just shoved him lightly, losing her battle with her face to appear mad. Their friends came into view, laughing and exasperated. Without meaning to, her eyes caught onto James, smiling with faint amusement. How could she so easily be Sirius’ friend and not his? 

“Simply  _ shocking  _ behaviour,” Marlene called at them.

Sirius grinned, “I’ll always remember our love affair, Evans.” 

“It was thrilling,” Lily agreed drily, and linked her arm into Alice’s. 

* * *

Severus Snape curled his fingers around the handle of his fork. He wished it was his wand and he could blast the  _ Marauders  _ into nothing. He quietly fumed from the Slytherin table as he watched Lily scream in surprise when the filthy blood traitor put his hands all over her. Black ran from the Great Hall with her in his arms, and students laughed as Lily’s shrieks faded away. Snape’s friends tutted in disgust, but he remained silent as he watched Potter follow his ridiculous friends out. 

The eight of them seemed to be together all the time now, and Snape couldn’t escape them. He didn’t know how much longer he could bear Lily’s betrayal to be rubbed in his face. Had it been only six months ago in this very hall she’d publicly given Sirius Black detention for turning flasks of pumpkin juice into cooking oil? And now… she was being tainted further each day, and there was nothing Snape could do. She wouldn’t listen to him anymore. 

“It looks like Evans goes with Black now,” commented Mulciber. “The mudblood and the blood traitor, how romantically vile.” 

Snape almost flinched. He’d been so focussed on her giving into Potter that he hadn’t thought she might choose one of the  _ others. _ She had always been uncomfortably friendly with Lupin, and in his condition… 

“They’re so ignorant,” spat Avery. “They think this place is safe.” 

Snape swallowed the bitter taste in his mouth, “They will find out soon enough.” 

“Do we have to wait until Hogsmeade?” asked Mulciber, practically whining. 

“You’re too impatient, do you think that  _ he  _ will tolerate carelessness, Mulciber?” Snape hissed.

Considerably chastised, Mulciber sombred. 

“You were too showy with the Macdonald mudblood last year. We can’t just do these things in the school halls - not yet.” 

Not for the first time, Snape felt exasperated with the kind of brutes he was encumbered with. Dark arts were a  _ skill,  _ not a force. 

The echo of Lily’s laughter went round and round in his head, and Snape resolved he could give talking to her one last chance. They had been friends for longer than she’d even known Potter and that had to count for something. 

* * *

The entire N.E.W.T. Charms class was in good spirits after the announcement of apparition lessons, and Professor Flitwick seemed to understand they simply would not be working quietly today. 

“Today you will be starting an assignment where you shall be working in pairs!” He announced.

The class was split with groans or happy shouts. 

“And I will be assigning the partners.”

_ Definitely  _ groans that time. 

“Professor, I  _ hate _ Remus,” James said from the back. 

“Nice try, Mr Potter,” Flitwick smiled, and unfurled a scroll of parchment. “Please move into your pairs when I have read them out.” 

There were some apprehensive grimaces. Lily was glad that there weren’t any particular nasty Slytherins in this class. Flitwick stood on a pile of books and cleared his throat. “Sirius Black and Alice Fortescue,” He read.

Sirius whooped and Alice laughed. 

“Isobel Alvarez and Peter Pettigrew.”

The pretty Ravenclaw who usually sat beside Benjy smiled flatly at a clearly chuffed Peter.

“Helena Yates and Thomas Brailey. Samantha Flint and Paul Abbott. Mary Macdonald and Lucy Diggory.” 

Mary let out a minute sigh. Lily suspected she had been hoping for James. 

“Remus Lupin and Ruby Greengrass.”

Some snickering. Lily felt for Remus; Ruby had the potential to eat him alive. 

“Marlene McKinnon and Benjy Fenwick.” 

Lily glanced back at Marlene, who was clearly not pleased. She shot an irritated look toward Benjy who smiled. Lily was just thinking that  _ that  _ would prove to be very interesting, when she should have been paying more attention to her own fate.

“James Potter and Lily Evans.”

The universe had a brilliant sense of humour. 

Lily’s eyes grew as wide as saucers, shooting Professor Flitwick a look as if to say,  _ how could you?!  _

There was no denying the collection of smattering of laughter that time. Lily determinedly didn’t meet anyone’s eyes, even Alice’s probing stare beside her.

She didn’t even hear the rest of the names as Flitwick read them out. 

Lily  _ barely _ had a grasp on how she would even be James’ friend. She needed time to recuperate and prepare for the perfect way to go about this…  _ delicate  _ situation. 

Alice broke Lily’s downward spiral, “Okay, Lily, should I sit with Sirius, or…” 

“Well, I can't go over there! He’ll have to come here,” Lily said quickly. 

“Gotcha,” Alice said, but added a muttered “ _ Merlin _ …” as she left.

Marlene suddenly dropped beside her desk, her face the picture of irritation. 

“What a joke! I have to work with  _ Fenwick?”  _ She made a wrenching noise. “Gross. He’ll probably make me comb his perfect hair once every five minutes.” 

“I like Benjy, Mar,” Lily said distractedly. 

Marlene pulled a face at her. “Oh, thanks very much, Lil. Enjoy working with James!” 

Lily’s mouth dropped open in betrayal as Marlene left with a parting air kiss, blonde hair swinging in her wake. 

Alice reached the back of the classroom and shot James a weak encouraging smile as she took his seat beside Sirius. 

“Lily likes the front of the classroom,” She shrugged in explanation. 

“Yeah, I had noticed,” James picked up his books. “But her plans to sit as far away from me as possible have failed. I think I’m going to  _ really  _ like the front.”

Alice snorted, because James didn’t bother hiding the wink he aimed at Sirius. Sirius saluted and he made his way to where Lily sat, heartbeat already accelerating. 

James was feeling semi-positive. Lily may have taken to avoiding his eyes even more than she used to (not even indulging in the occasional glare), but she could never stop him from enjoying being near her. After last weekend’s debacle, James had considerably cooled off once more. It was possible he had taken it too fast with Hogsmeade, and he couldn’t run that risk again. Lily had fun that night, he was sure of it, but this was a long road, not a quick fix potion. 

Merlin, he was exhausted. It was tiring to look at Lily and not tell her exactly what he thinks of her. It was a shame, because he had a lot of compliments on hold. 

As he neared, he couldn’t help but notice the way the sunlight streaming through the windows hit her red hair, highlighting the golden strands amongst the fiery colour. She was already writing Merlin knows what on her parchment. He concentrated on not smiling when he saw what she wrote with.

“That’s my quill, Evans,” James said in greeting as he dropped into Alice’s vacated seat. 

Lily’s hand froze when she realised he was right. She hadn’t noticed. What the hell had possessed her to keep his things like a kleptomaniac? And then  _ use  _ it? 

_ It’s not that weird, Lily, honestly.  _

James watched as she twirled the speckled quill he had leant her that morning between her fingers. 

“If I give it back, I’ll assume you want to write, then?” Lily finally turned to him, waving the quill between her thumb and first finger. 

“We all know your handwriting is a lot nicer than mine,” He said. “It’s just excellent for tickling.” 

“That’s how you’re making people laugh back there,” Lily surmised. “Tickling them. I was scared you were funny.” 

James chuckled. She was a menace. 

“Well, now I’m up at the front you will just have to find out.”

Lily was torn between bantering with him and fighting the urge to do so. When James was near, it was like an involuntary reaction. She had a sneaking suspicion she liked to make him smile. Crap, crap,  _ crap _ . She couldn’t concentrate. 

“No tickling,” She warned with a poorly concealed half-smile. Did James wish he could swap with Lucy Diggory and partner with Mary? 

“I’ve got jokes, too.”

Lily knew at least four girls in the room who were desperate to partner with him. 

“If I was mean, I’d say your life is a joke.”

“And I’d say you already know you’re going to have to try a lot harder than that,” James winked, and Lily was caught completely off-guard. 

She cleared her throat because she knew their eye contact was lingering. James had never been afraid of eye contact. She noticed he always held people’s gazes in a conversation, like he was really paying attention. 

It would be a good quality in a friend. 

“Let’s just do this, Potter,” she instructed, and her leg began jangling below the table.

The movement only made James hyper aware of Lily’s legs so close to his in the confines of the old desk and it was his turn to cough for something to do. James wouldn’t say he was in  _ trouble _ when it came to Evans. No, it was more like he was in a constant state of emergency that had become his new normal. He sat forward, content to rest on his hands and watch Lily talk about over simplistic charms. 

The classroom had descended into chatter as people spoke to their new partners. Sirius was attempting to balance his quill on his nose as he looked down the end of his nose to where James and Lily sat and spoke to his Charms partner.

“That has the potential to be a horrible mess.”

“You have no faith,” Alice replied.

“Tell me, Fortescue, do you think their fragile new alliance is capable of withstanding so much close contact yet?”

“Well, fine,” Alice relented. “James is acting like his tongue has been charmed off, and Lily is as scatty as a mad cat when it comes to him these days…”

“Exactly,” Sirius looked pleased, winking at Isobel Nunez, who was already looking a little exasperated as Peter spoke a mile a minute at her.

Alice flicked his quill off his nose.

“Hey!”

“ _ Lily and James _ ,” She carried on pointedly. “Can be as strange and awkward as they like, but neither of them can kill that chemistry between them.”

Sirius stopped his whining to sit up, “You think they have chemistry, too?”

Alice actually laughed, “Are you kidding me?”

“Us lads have always said it, but we were starting to think we just spent too much time with James and his obsession with Evans had become our only perspective.”

“Maybe not Mary, she’s too obsessed with fairytale-like romance. But Marlene and I have always said that Lily’s annoyance can be translated into something… else.”

“Yeah, James’ first language.” 

“Well, Lily’s stubborn. And we might be way off.” 

Sirius barked a laugh and blew hair out of his eyes, “This’ll be nothing short of painful. All these hormones flying around are dangerous.” He grinned as though he enjoyed the idea. 

“It has to grow on its own,” Alice warned. “And if anything is meant to happen, it will.”

Sirius was looking like he’d just been told the answer to a riddle he’d laboured over. 

“You should have told James that last year.”

“We did  _ several times _ . You know James; he didn’t want to hear it. I’m not sure patience is his strong suit.”

Not wanting to betray James, Sirius just watched his best mate contemplatively, “I think you’d be surprised.”

Marlene sat very low in her chair, arms folded and face forward. Her foot tapped the floor in an agitated rhythm. Benjy Fenwick’s cologne was horribly overpowering. He seriously didn’t need to wear so much of it when his mating call to the entire Hogwarts population seemed to be working just fine.

Mary kept glancing back at her every two minutes, meaningfully widening her eyes and clearly not paying any heed to Lucy Diggory faithfully writing Merlin knows what on her parchment. Marlene dutifully ignored her best friend. She could not stoop so low as to wing-woman Mary into Benjy’s good graces.

“So, McKinnon, it’s a pleasure to be paired with you and your glowing charm,” Fenwick said, blatantly ignoring her ignoring  _ him _ . “At least, I’ve  _ heard  _ about your glowing charm.”

Marlene cut him a sideways glance, “However will I sleep at night knowing Benjy Fenwick doesn’t think I’m charming?”

He ignored this, too, and powered on, “Billy McKinnon is your brother, right?” 

“One of them,” she said shortly. 

“Great guy,” said Benjy. “And Ravenclaw’s best Quidditch player, no doubt.”

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. Why was he buttering up her brother to her? “He’s a good beater because he’s a big brute,” Marlene said dismissively. She felt a bit bad; Billy  _ was _ Ravenclaw’s best player. Stupid Fenwick. 

He raised his hands in surrender, “I’m just getting to know my Charms partner.” 

Marlene scowled. He was doing a very good job at making her look immature. 

“Fine,” She sighed. “Got parents?”

He seemed pleased. “Mum is a muggle, dad is a wizard. How many brothers  _ do  _ you have then?” 

“Three. Robert, Archibald and Bilius,” she counted off her fingers. “I’m the youngest, so I know how to fight my corner.” She said, and was sure he didn’t miss the slightly aggressive tone. 

Marlene pulled a face at Mary, whose attempts to look round at them were not as subtle as she thought they were.

“The McKinnons are an impressive wizarding family,” Benjy said. “One of the greats.”

“We’re not  _ that _ kind of family. Like the Selwyns or Lestranges or whatever,” She clarified, irritated. 

“No, I know that. Sorry, not what I meant.” Benjy said awkwardly. 

Marlene straightened. Awkward? It was disconcerting to see him not be a total smooth talker. She almost smiled. Maybe Marlene didn’t like Fenwick, but if Mary was dead set on having this bloke’s babies or whatever it is she wanted, he would have to pass Marlene’s tests. It was her duty as best friend! Perhaps this partnership was an opportunity. 

Plus, on those grounds, he probably wanted to impress Marlene and do all the work. 

Marlene smiled slowly at Benjy, like a cat who had caught the cream. It was a smile that reeled in all the boys she had no interest in. Wonderfully naive to Marlene McKinnon’s guises, he grinned confidently back. 

“So,” She said. “I propose we do the ten most complex household charms.”

**  
  
  
**

James sat  _ very _ close. Had he gotten closer? Or was the classroom shrinking? 

Lily honestly wanted to take her jumper off but had over-thought it, and could now only imagine her shirt getting stuck in it and accidentally stripping for James Potter and their entire Charms class. Not ideal. 

Lily was learning some things on her rocky road to being an unsuspecting friend of James’ (or not, you know). His proximity to her was example number one: James was not into boundaries. It was most likely a result of being loved by all and open with everyone. She had often said he was confident like it was a bad thing, but as Lily watched him engage in five different conversations with the students around them, Lily considered she had been simple when she thought of James’ confidence as arrogance. Though you had to be confident to be arrogant, the two weren’t mutually exclusive. It was a shock to the system, but Lily had to admit he often  _ wasn’t  _ arrogant. 

James was a real social bloody butterfly. 

She only realised she’d been watching him when she caught eyes with Samantha Flint, who had been doing the exact same thing. Oh, gross. 

“Hey - Potter!” Lily kicked his chair. 

James turned back, face amused. 

“Are you going to help me or harass Paul about his Remembrall for another five minutes?” Lily raised her brows. 

James tossed Paul Abbott the scarlet smoke filled ball and turned to completely face her. Merlin, he was  _ close  _ again.  _ You didn’t think that through.  _ He smelled minty and warm. 

“Sorry, Evans, I am at your beck and call,” James said so genuinely Lily pretended to gag and reached out to push his face. 

She withdrew her hand quicker than looked natural, but it didn’t stop her blush.  _ Now who has no boundaries?  _ Lily had never done anything like that to Potter before. Once again,  _ crap.  _

James laughed as though his chest wasn’t constricting at the contact. Shit, she was being  _ playful _ . He had definitely accidentally gotten a lot closer to her, but he couldn’t bloody help it. James had read about magnets, and he knew what happened to the opposites that were drawn to each other. He couldn’t speak for Lily but she may as well have yanked him in with a quick  _ Accio.  _ He had made a special effort to chat to other people like he would if she wasn’t there, so she didn’t feel too smothered by him, but her presence was like an open fire behind him. 

In short, he was pathetic. But he sat beside a Lily Evans who hadn’t shoved him off the chair yet, so he didn’t care. 

“Here, Evans, let me take the section about incantations,” He said, holding out his hand for the textbook she now clutched with a wary look on her face. “I’m good at Charms.” He reasoned. 

“As good as you are at Transfiguration?” Lily deadpanned. 

James pretended to think, “Some may argue that is the case, yes. The philosophers aren’t done debating.” 

“You should stop being so modest, Potter.”

“Quit giving me such irresistible opportunities, then.”

“Git.”

“Temptress.” 

As Lily’s mouth twitched, James took his opportunity. 

“ _ Accio! _ ” 

The Charms textbook flew out of Lily’s grip into his own. James caught it with one hand and twirled his wand in the other. Lily spluttered indignantly. 

“You’re a  _ cheat _ , Potter!” She complained. 

James laughed, “We’re  _ partners _ , Evans.” 

Lily raised her eyebrows, “I know that.”

“You’re not used to delegating, then?” James nodded to the pieces of parchment, all pulled to Lily’s side of the desk. 

She pursed her lips. “I just know what I’m doing.” 

James pulled several sheets toward him and smiled brightly at her, “So do I.” 

Lily shot him a withering glare.  _ Smug prick _ . That being said, she relented. She must be so programmed to working with Marlene - and ‘working’ was a loose term for whatever Marlene contributed - that she might be just a  _ little _ possessive of the work.

Lily scowled. He didn’t have to know it was fake. 

“Fine,” she said. “You need your special quill back?” She waved it at him. 

James smirked, “That’s all right, Evans.” He pulled another from his bag. 

They lapsed into silence, quills scratching as the classroom kept up it’s excitable buzz around them. Lily thought back to the last time they had sat like this in the library last weekend. It hadn’t been any time at all, but Lily felt distinctly less confused, no longer obsessed with maintaining the image she’d created in her head of James. Each second in his company chipped away her resolve to not be his mate. Everything they did felt very friendly, but there was a clear line in the sand because Lily had shouted at him. That wasn’t new, but everything about Sixth Year  _ felt  _ new. 

James, on the other hand, was on his best behaviour. So what if she didn’t want to be friends? This working relationship felt better than any other girl who actually put the moves on him. 

James couldn’t stop his eyes ticking sideways to find emerald eyes already on him. Lily glanced away, the corners of her mouth upturned. Did that usually happen?  _ Just don’t push it, James.  _ He settled for smiling at his parchment.

At the end of the lesson, the eight Gryffindors spilled out of the classroom with everyone else. 

“Did we all enjoy that lesson?” Sirius asked with a grin, ruffling James’ hair. 

James, still walking near Lily, shoved his mate away and tried not to turn the colour of beetroot. 

“Did  _ you _ , Padfoot?” He asked instead, making faces at him. 

“Loved it,” Sirius assured him, slinging an arm around Alice. “But I think Fortescue and I have some unresolved issues in our budding relationship.”

Alice giggled, shushing him. James glanced at Lily, who regarded Sirius as though he had been sniffing potion. 

Marlene gestured at Alice and Sirius, “Whatever this is, I’m not loving it.” 

The two in question only laughed in delight and skipped down the busy corridor. 

“Sirius could use an influence like Alice,” Peter said.

“Totally agree,” Lily said. “We’re worried about him influencing  _ her _ .” 

“Worst case scenario, she starts spending hours in the bathroom on her hair,” James added. 

Remus snorted, “Bit rich, Prongs.”

James shoved Remus this time, but didn’t miss the little laugh from Lily. He watched her file down a different busy corridor with a wave long after she disappeared into the throng. 

“All right, come  _ on,  _ Prongs,” Sirius shoved him. 

As the group went their separate ways for their next lessons, Mary linked arms with Marlene for the walk to Ancient Runes.

“Tell me everything, Mar,” she said in a rush. 

“What?” Marlene asked, being deliberately obtuse.

“ _ Marlene!  _ Did Benjy ask about me?” 

“No.”

“Well, did you mention me?” 

“Um, no -  _ fucking Merlin! _ ” 

Mary had yanked on Marlene’s elbow, catching her long hair along with it. She didn’t look sorry.

“You’re a sodding terrible wingwoman!” 

“I didn’t know I was supposed to be one!”

“Oh, you idiot,” Mary looked incredulous. “My best friend gets paired with the boy I fancy? There’s unspoken rules about these things, Mar.”

“Clearly I need them verbalised,” Marlene said dryly. “Would you make me a list, Mary?”

Mary pulled her arm from Marlene’s and put her hands on her hips. Marlene heaved a sigh as she came to a stop, a couple of Slytherins swerving to avoid running into her. 

“You’re being really weird and not for the first time,” Mary said. “Are you like… okay?”

Marlene considered that. Was she  _ okay?  _ She didn’t really know what constituted okay these days. Was getting distracted by your best friend’s new perfume when you’re trying to play chess with her particularly normal? Perhaps thinking Mary’s hair was the prettiest thing she’d ever seen was being a supportive friend. Maybe wanting to hex Benjy Fenwick, the object of Mary’s affection, into next Sunday for no real reason was justified. 

Marlene settled for rolling her eyes. “I’m  _ fine _ , Mary.”

Mary’s brows furrowed, “And you’d be honest with me, right?”

“Aren’t I always?” Marlene countered, hoping to deflect.

“Painfully so,” Mary agreed, shaking her head with a bemused laugh. “Okay,” She slotted her arm back into Marlene’s. “I didn’t finish the homework, can I copy yours whilst Professor Pierpont isn’t looking?”

“As if I’ve done it at all.”

As they continued walking, Marlene felt something in her chest get a little tighter. She  _ was  _ always honest with Mary. They were close in a way people didn’t fully understand. 

But she couldn’t share this. Never this. And definitely not to her. 

* * *

**  
  
**

_ Friday 24th September  _

It was Friday afternoon, and the final lesson of the day was well underway. Lily was doing her utmost best to listen to Professor McGonagall, tapping the chalkboard with her wand as she spoke, but even she was infected by the temptation of the weekend. The N.E.W.T. workload was no joke, and just last night, her and the girls had spent four hours fumbling their way through Professor Slughorn’s latest essay. Lily was tired of the hand cramp that her quill gave her. She should really look up a spell for that. 

McGonagall was invincible against the Friday feeling. “Now, the wand movement for this particular spell can be complex if you are not concentrating…”

She was just thinking about changing into her pyjamas as soon as she reached Gryffindor tower when a ball of paper hit her on the head. She picked it up, disgruntled. 

_ Don’t get too comfortable. We have patrols tonight. _

Lily recognised the delicate scrawl of Remus Lupin and turned round to lob it back at him. 

“ _ Why would you say that to me?”  _ She hissed. 

Grinning, Remus gave her an overly enthused thumbs up. Beside him, James laughed at the interaction and Lily narrowed her eyes. She swivelled back in her seat. Lily at least had the decency to face away from Potter before smiling herself. 

They had had three practically pleasant conversations since yesterday.  _ Even if it’s me starting every single one,  _ she thought sourly. Sod it, she was doing great. Amiable woman of the year. 

“Why are you smiling?” Marlene whispered suspiciously.

Lily forced her face into a neutral expression, “I’m not!” 

Mary looked up with casual interest, far better at a poker face than Lily. Her eyes slid from Lily to James with a practised nonchalance; she’d gotten very skilled at watching Benjy undetected. 

Behind them, Sirius leaned over to James. 

“We should do something this weekend,” He said quietly.

“I’m flattered, Padfoot, but you’re not really my type.”

Sirius scoffed, “You don’t  _ have  _ a type. One singular girl doesn’t constitute a type.” 

McGonagall looked in their direction, eyes sharp enough to kill. Sirius shot her a sheepish smile. Once she had turned away, he began whispering again.

“Let’s do something  _ fun _ .”

“You don’t need my permission, Padfoot.”

“Well, you’ve been trying to impress Evans, and you’re doing very well, mate. You haven’t stood on any tables so far. Bloody mature of you.”

“Hear, hear,” Remus added sarcastically.

James frowned, “I didn’t stand on tables that often.”

“You did,” Peter chimed. 

“You’re  _ very  _ dramatic, Prongsy. Like a town crier spreading the cheer.”

“Mr Black!” Professor McGonagall warned, earning them several turned heads. Marlene audibly sniggered. 

“Oops, sorry, Professor,” Sirius held up his hands in surrender. 

McGonagall exhaled deeply through her nose and continued, “Mastering the theory first is absolutely paramount…” 

After a few moments, James spoke in a low voice, “What’s your point?”

“My point is the school might begin to think we’ve lost our  _ edge _ ,” Sirius said out of the corner of his mouth. 

“Did we have an edge?” 

“Definitely,” said Sirius. 

Remus didn’t look up from his notes. “No.” 

“Look, Evans is being really cool with me at the moment. I’m scared to breathe wrong, let alone start throwing Saturday night karaoke again.”

Remus frowned slightly, looking up from his notes at James.

“Prongs, we’re supposed to be legends! I know you don’t care about the female attention, but I could really use a boost….” 

James grimaced, “We’re Marauders, mate. That’s not going to change.”

“Then let’s  _ do something.” _

James shook his head, but he couldn’t help grinning. He was only human after all, and he missed stirring the pot called Hogwarts. 

“For you, Padfoot,” He pointed a finger at his friend. 

Sirius did a celebratory dance in his chair that was cut short by McGonagall’s wand that had started shooting sparks to match her irritation. 

This time, Lily glanced over her shoulder and rolled her eyes at Sirius before smirking at James. His heart had barely leapt into his throat before she seemed to think better of it and faced the front. James smiled a little, hand jumping to his hair, thinking about the way her smile reached her eyes before it even fully formed on her mouth. Merlin, she was gorgeous.

Professor McGonagall dismissed them ten minutes later, and there was a frenzy of packing bags and herding to the door like sheep. 

“Will you curl my hair tonight, Mary?” Alice asked. 

Predictably, Mary’s eyes lit up and she grinned, “Of course!” 

Lily swanned along behind them. Her Friday brain was in full function and the prospect of all the naps she could fit in this weekend was enticing her out in a preoccupied daze. She didn’t notice Avery barrelling down the corridor and could only watch as Mary walked straight into him with such force she bounced backwards. 

“ _ Watch it, mudblood!”  _ He said viciously. 

Avery stood there wearing a disgusted look on his face. Time suspended for a moment, and Mary looked shellshocked, staring at Avery in open-mouthed terror. The look on her friend’s face broke Lily’s heart and anger rippled through her. 

“Why don’t you watch your  _ mouth _ ?” 

Avery looked furious that Lily would dare even talk to him, and fumbled for speech. 

Before Lily could say another word, Marlene had pulled out her wand, and jabbed it at Avery. 

“Just try it, you insufferable moron.” 

The corridor was busy, and several students had stopped to watch in equal parts interest and discomfort. Avery curled his lip at Marlene.

“I’m not afraid of a blood traitor,” He sneered, pulling his own wand from his pocket. 

“How about two of us?” Suddenly, James was beside Marlene and pointed his wand straight in the Slytherin’s face. “I think you should apologise,” His voice dropped to a dangerous tone. 

Avery chuckled nastily, “Or what, Potter?”

“Or you’ll pay for it, you filthy prick.” 

A crowd had now formed around the altercation, avidly watching whilst attempting and failing to look busy. Avery seemed to realise he was without his miserable friends and that he was not quite as tall as James. He huffed in distaste, but Lily saw him step back slightly. 

“Aw, you’re not going are you, mate?” Sirius cooed, blocking his path. 

Mary cleared her throat, “He’s not worth it,” She said sharply, but her hand slipped into Marlene’s. Instantly softening, Marlene tugged at her arm, “Get a life,” she spat at Avery. “Let’s go, Mare.”

Mary didn’t need telling twice, and the two of them pushed through the bystanders with their heads high and joined hands swinging. Lily caught Mary’s face, lips clamped together in a telltale Mary way of not crying. She resolved to stay, her fury building. Avery  _ wanted _ the word to make Mary feel worthless, and it was killing her to know that it worked. 

“Don’t you idiots know how obvious it is that you’re threatened by muggleborns?” Lily demanded, taking Marlene’s place beside James, who glanced at her, anger abating slightly.

Avery actually snarled, and she gripped her own wand. 

“Threatened?  _ Ha!  _ I’m a real pureblood, I’ll leave the fawning of muggles to Potter.” 

James opened his mouth, eyes thunderous, but Lily cut him off without even realising, “Potter is a  _ far _ better wizard than you! You’re in over your head, Avery.”

“I wouldn’t even compare myself to him,” sneered Avery. 

Lily raised a single brow. She was on a roll. “Good idea, there’s no contest.”

“What a joke,” He spat, levelling his wand. “Potter, can’t you control your mudblood pets-”

_ BANG! _

Lily and the other twenty five people in the corridor ducked, some emitting shrieks and screams. Lily looked up, realising that actually  _ one  _ person in particular was screaming. Avery jumped about on the spot, swatting at his own nose as tiny black bats flew from his nostrils. James and Sirius stood, wands aloft and grinning at each other. 

“Did we  _ both  _ use the bat bogey hex?” Sirius guffawed. 

James looked delighted as he surveyed Avery’s distress, “Looks like it, Padfoot! Nice shot, mate! Does anyone know what happens when you’re hit by  _ two  _ bat bogey hexes?” 

People began to laugh, pointing at the bats that roamed the high ceilings. Before she knew it, Lily had joined in, and it felt  _ good _ . James looked sideways at her, his own grin nearly splitting his face in two as he watched Lily’s eyes crinkle as her eyes followed the bats’ flight. 

James suspected he was giving her what Sirius liked to call his ‘wonder eyes’, reserved for the times he was amazed by her. Thank Merlin she wasn’t looking, at least but he couldn't help it. Lily had been by him, unified, and actually  _ stood up _ for him. For  _ him _ . 

Crap, was he in a coma? 

“ _ What  _ in the name of great Merlin is going on here?” 

Nope, he was definitely awake. 

As Professor McGongall came into view, laughter died and the passersby immediately had somewhere else to be. 

“I was attacked!” Avery cried breathlessly, bats still taking flight from his nose. 

McGonagall’s mouth pressed into such a hard line her lips almost disappeared, and she zoned in on Sirius’ and James’ wands. 

“Potter! Black! Which one of you hexed Avery?” She barked. 

The two boys, to their credit, didn’t look sorry. 

“It was a joint effort.”

“Professor, you should have heard what he said,” James explained, eyes darting to Lily who refused to wilt. 

Their Transfiguration professor sighed minutely, “I’m sure I can imagine.” Avery let out a groan and she assessed him with a well masked distaste. “That being said, I cannot permit students to hex one another in the corridors, a rule you’re very familiar with. You will both serve detention tonight.” 

Unbothered by that, James prompted, “And Avery?” 

McGonagall nodded once, “Not that it’s your business, Mr Potter, but he will be dealt with accordingly.”

James and Sirius took their punishment gracefully by shooting each other meaningful looks that could mean nothing good. 

McGonagall moved to escort Avery presumably to the Hospital Wing. She paused, looking at Lily shrewdly. 

“It’s unlike you to be in the throng, Miss Evans.”

Lily squared her shoulders, “A mistake, I think, Professor.” 

Lily didn’t see the way James looked at her in that moment - admiration and pride making him slack-jawed - but she could’ve sworn the professor smiled as she walked away. 

* * *

“ _ Two _ bat bogey hexes?” Marlene cackled that evening. “It must have been carnage up the old nose holes.”

“I have never seen quite so many bats,” Remus recalled fondly. 

He was waiting in the Common Room for Lily so they could start their Prefect rounds. She’d been up in the girls’ dormitory with Mary for the better part of an hour. He hoped they were plotting how to take down Avery’s entire family tree but of course as a pacifist and Prefect, he didn’t say that. 

James and Sirius had already left for their evening of polishing trophies whilst Peter was staying in the boys’ dormitory - only Marlene was in the Common Room and she terrified him. 

Remus didn’t mind patrols when he was paired with Lily because they were such good friends. She was mad as a box of cats but also the friend you would most likely go to in a crisis. Yet tonight he thought he might have some things to share with her. Lily was never spiteful or intended to hurt anyone’s feelings, but Remus had been quietly mulling things over these past few weeks and observed the ever shifting dynamic between her and James. The latter would gladly accept anything she gave him and though his animagus friend had trained himself not to expect too much, Lily was clearly but slowly softening. As well as the obvious lack of shouting, she looked at him a lot more openly and struck up several unprovoked conversations. Remus had no idea if  _ she  _ knew this, but he did. Remus hated meddling, but a few enquiring chats for the sake of his friends was, in his opinion, necessary. He couldn’t let Lily warm to a James that wasn’t completely authentic. Besides, his friend deserved more than that. If Lily really preferred a tailored version of James, it was better to know now.

Remus was a patient person, but he’d start bashing his head against a wall if communication didn’t start happening. 

“Sorry, sorry, Remus, I’m here!” Lily came jogging down the stairs, tying her hair in a loose plait as she went. 

“No worries,” He said kindly. “See you later, Marlene.” 

Marlene waved, “I am relying on you to protect this school, kids.” 

Lily saluted, “Roger that.” She laughed as she blew a kiss to Alice, who had just climbed through the portrait hole. 

“Ugh,” Marlene said as the two Prefects left and Alice flopped into the armchair beside hers. “Your hair is telling me you’ve just been seriously made out with.” 

Patting down her tousled hair with a guilty smile, she giggled. “So what if I have?” 

“Frank is a very surprising young man,” Marlene replied snarkily before standing. “Come on. Mary’s coping mechanisms involve a lot of beauty potions. She’s been chomping at the bit to curl your hair, so no one has to know the Head Boy is a sexual tyrant.”

Alice squeaked slightly, “You have a way with words, Marlene.”

Up in the dormitory, Mary was surrounded by piles of clothes that had sprung free from her trunk, humming offkey to the wireless balanced on Lily’s small bedside table. She wiggled her fingers at Marlene and Alice in greeting.

“Mare, how are you feeling?” Alice asked sympathetically, pulling her boots off. 

Mary smiled tiredly. “Annoyed that I can’t find the matching skirt to go with this blouse,” she answered with a pout, holding up a green satin shirt with billowing sleeves. 

Alice shot her friend a look, “Mary.”

“I’m okay,” Mary relented, abandoning her clothes hunt and slumping against the trunk. “I don’t even want to waste my time talking about him. If those pricks can ruin my Friday night with my girls then they’re winning, you know?” 

Mary was determined not to be upset, and her friends thankfully recognised this and shared a look of understanding. 

“We’re here for you if you change your mind,” Alice hopped onto her bed. “What do you want to talk about?” 

Marlene came to the foot of Mary’s bed with a hand on her hip. “ _ I  _ know, Mary. Why don’t we talk about your little scheme to royally piss Lily off?” 

Mary pulled a face at Marlene whilst Alice looked between them in confusion. 

“What are you on about?” 

Marlene pointed a finger at Mary as though her best friend was on trial. “Mary has deliberately withheld from Lily that her date with James is  _ not a date _ .” 

Alice giggled, “What, why?” 

Mary jumped in before Marlene could answer for her, “ _ Because _ Mar thought I was being self-obsessed and obtuse and all the usual crap. She said I might hurt Lily’s feelings which I said was rubbish! I’m just trying to prove that Lil wouldn’t care about me going to Hogsmeade with James.” 

Marlene looked wholly unimpressed, but Alice's eyes went alight with intrigue. 

“By seeing if she gets jealous?” 

“Alice!” Marlene complained. “You can’t be okay with this.”

Alice looked extremely cornered. Marlene had even pointed a skinny finger at her now. 

“Look,” She sighed, crossing her legs where she sat on her four poster. “I will be the first person to call it off if Mary goes too far -” Mary made a noise in dissent. “But I am  _ curious,  _ aren’t you?”

“Am I curious?” She spluttered. “Was Merlin a wizard? I’m bloody dying to know! But Lily can’t be forced into anything, don’t you remember when you tricked her into that double date with Stephan Foreno?”

Mary pulled a face, “She read a book about various fungi at the table and went on to describe some in intricate detail over the sundaes.”

Marlene flopped onto her bed, giving her a pointed look, “It was rough.”

“Mar, you’re being ridiculous,” Mary insisted. “If Lily  _ doesn’t  _ care about James and I, then she won’t even have to know it’s not real. Besides…” Marlene sighed, and Mary leaned forward to pinch her in the ribs, making her squeal. “I only did it because you said I was being thick. Admit it! You are always so desperate to be right, don’t you want to know if you are? Then you can put on that voice I hate and say,  _ Mary, I told you so! _ ” 

In retaliation, Marlene reached out and tickled her sides. Mary screeched and kicked out with both legs, Alice looking on in despair from her bed. 

“ _ You’re  _ desperate to be right! And you’re still conniving!” Marlene shouted above Mary’s giggling protests.

“I’m - helping - Lily - out!” She retorted breathlessly. 

“How?” Marlene asked, relenting for a moment. 

Mary breathed heavily, narrowing her eyes. “If she doesn’t care, then we’ll leave her alone. If she does care, don’t you think she’ll need help?”

Marlene considered this, and retracted her hands, “True, just… Lily is my best friend, but I’ve known James forever, I don’t want him to get completely crushed, okay? Don’t tell him what you’re up to, Mary, I’m serious.”

Pulling herself up and smoothing her hair back down, she nodded. For a moment, the three of them sat in thoughtful silence, listening to the muted din of Friday night in Gryffindor tower. 

“What would actually happen if Lily... ?” Alice asked into the momentary quiet.

“Merlin,” Marlene blew out a breath and shoved Mary over so there was room for them both to rest against the headboard. “I’ve never thought that far ahead.”

Mary was sceptical, “I can’t see it.”

Marlene and Alice exchanged a knowing look. “I can.” They said in unison. 

“They’re secretly compatible,” Alice explained. 

“But they argue all the time,” Mary shook her head, making Marlene frown. 

“Arguing with somebody doesn't mean you like them any less,” she said defensively.

Alice, noticing Marlene’s reaction, peddled the conversation on, “Besides, it wouldn’t be out of nowhere.” She said lightly. “Lily has made  _ several _ drunken comments about his… physique.” 

Marlene cackled at the memory, and Mary made a gagging noise, “Oh, _please!_ Alice, you once said that Dumbledore had a _mature edge to him_ after we stole tequila from my mum’s cabinet!” Marlene laughed even harder, and Alice went red as she giggled. Mary eventually caved, laughing at her friends’ ridiculousness, shaking her head. 

“All right, all right,” Marlene said in a choked laugh. “Lily, like the rest of the sodding population, doesn’t think James is ugly.”

“Even you have to admit he’s a bit of a looker,” Alice admitted with a shrug. She watched Marlene and Mary’s jaw’s drop. “What? I fancy Frank! But I’m not  _ blind. _ ”

Mary collapsed into another round of giggles, and Marlene did her best not to gag. “We will just have to wait out Mary’s sneaky, sneaky plan.”

Alice cheered in agreement. Mary stretched out like a cat, settling her legs on top of Marlene’s, and grinned. 

“You’re on.”

* * *

Lily had taken up whistling for the past five minutes, and she thought it was a testament to Remus’ character that he hadn’t violently attacked her with his wand. It was a slow night for rounds, they’d only interrupted one compromised couple on one of the smaller staircases near the dungeons. 

“Are you alright after this afternoon?” Remus asked as they descended from the astronomy tower. “With Avery?”

Lily took a moment before answering. She felt like it was important to brush off small incidents like that so she didn’t go insane, but also she had the strong urge to make sure Avery didn’t get away with it. 

“I’m okay,” She decided. “Avery’s an idiot and he knows it. It felt good to have a go at him. At least I know why James and Sirius are always doing it now.” 

Remus nodded slowly, he seemed hesitant and thoughtful. Lily nudged him. 

“Spill it, Lupin.”

He exhaled as if preparing himself, “You were sort of… teamed up with James today.” 

Ah. Lily laughed nervously. She should have known Remus would notice her internal bloody breakdown. He loved to observe and learn but hated attention, always had. It made his friendship with James and Sirius work like a balanced scale. It clearly made her floundering, to him, obvious as hell.

“Well,” She searched for an innocent statement she could make. “We’re on the same side.”

Remus snorted, “That hasn’t united you before.” 

Lily grimaced and touched Remus’ arm, signalling him to stop walking. He turned to her, curious. 

“I shouldn’t have gone mental at him last week,” She said quietly. “I know that.” 

“I’m guessing it wasn’t him you were mad at?”

Lily made a noise, “Stop reading me like a damned book, Remus! I can’t keep any secrets from you, can I?”

He smiled, mischievous. “So you  _ are  _ keeping secrets?” 

“I…” Now she really  _ was  _ floundering. “I feel  _ awful _ about yelling at Potter. Me, Lily Evans, wishes she hadn’t shouted at  _ James _ ? You tell me, is the world ending? Because now I not only feel guilty, but I am a little disappointed he hasn’t argued back in that James-ish way that he does.” 

Remus’ eyes had grown wide like saucers, and he choked on a shocked laugh.

“Wait, Lily, you’re telling me you sort of  _ miss _ James?” 

It was Lily’s turn to splutter in surprise, “Woah,  _ excuse me! _ I did  _ not  _ say that!” 

His smile turned wicked, “That’s what it sounded like.” He began walking again - more like skipping actually. “Not only James, but the James who argues with you?”

Lily caught up with him, face reddening with every second, “I’m just  _ wondering  _ if he’s, you know, okay. He hasn’t, like, stood on any tables lately.” 

Remus was definitely concealing laughter now. Poorly, Lily thought. “I  _ know _ .” He clutched a hand to his chest, sobering up. “I think he’s just trying to be more mature.” Remus made sure he didn’t add  _ for you _ , no matter how much he wanted to. 

“That makes sense,” said Lily, avoiding his eye. “But he’s good at…” She searched for words that wouldn’t dig the whole she was digging any deeper. “Cheering people up. I wouldn’t want him to lose  _ that _ .” 

Her friend smiled genuinely at her, “That’s good to hear, Lily. I wouldn’t want that, either.”

Lily nodded, eyes darting suspiciously at him every few seconds. “So we’re in agreement… about this  _ and  _ you not telling James I even said anything.”

Remus laughed lightly, “Okay, I promise. And I’m very good at keeping secrets, trust me.”

Somewhat reassured, Lily nudged him, “You owe me a secret, to be honest.”

He looked at her consideringly, “I think I’ll tell you one soon.”

“Soon? Cop out,” Lily jibed. 

Remus, as usual, didn’t rise to the bait and only tapped his nose. Still, she felt a bit better telling somebody about her chaotic feelings towards James. Not liking somebody was so simple, and everything about James was layered and complicated, so no wonder she’d chosen the former. But now she’d be the one copping out if she forced her feelings to stay the same. She had tried - Merlin, had she tried - but that’s apparently not how they worked. 

Lily linked her arm with Remus’, “I think the world is changing.”

“Good or bad?”

“Oh, the two always seem to go hand in hand.”

* * *

James and Sirius had long abandoned the filthy rags they had been given to shine rows upon rows of trophies in the Trophy Room. Instead, they had been tossing Every-Flavour Beans into each other’s mouths from growing distances. It was strangely comforting, James thought, to be in detention on a Friday night with Sirius. They had built most of their friendship in detentions originally, bonding during the hours of various boring tasks. And James didn’t regret hexing shit-for-brains Avery one bit. He wasn’t even good at dark magic, it was almost funny to watch him try. Lily had called him right out by saying he was embarrassed to be shown up by muggleborns, and James grinned at the memory. 

A bean bounced off his nose. 

“Oi!”

“You’re not concentrating, Prongs. I don’t need Legilimency to know why.” 

“Shut up, Padfoot.”

James threw an orange coloured bean which sailed right into his mate’s mouth. 

“Flawless from me!” Sirius cheered, preparing his next projectile. “How do you think it’s all going? Honestly.”

James leaned back against the stone wall. “Honestly, not bad. I know I’m not supposed to have expectations, but… okay, Padfoot, you know how I stare at her a bit?” 

“A  _ bit?” _

James ignored this, “Well, all of a sudden she seems to look back a whole lot more. Not only that, but she keeps asking me how I am but then she’ll practically sprint away. And yesterday she kept my quill! All right, that was probably an accident… but bloody hell. It’s very  _ new _ and it’s throwing me off to say the least.” His hand went restlessly through his hair. 

Sirius was smirking, juggling several Bertie Botts’ beans. “My automatic response is to tell you that you’re mad…” 

Looking up, James frowned quizzically.

“But I would be lying if I said I hadn’t noticed it, too. She doesn’t even seem to mind being your partner in Charms.” 

James let out a short burst of breath, chuffed to bits. Sirius’ opinion was reliable because he said things exactly how he saw them, and apparently he saw Lily not hating his guts. His veins seemed to hum with happiness as he thought about how she had stood by his side this afternoon against Avery. Did that mean he was off the hook for jumping in with Snape? All right, he couldn’t be sure of that, but he did know that standing  _ with  _ her felt great. It was the kind of feeling James could get used to. They had so rarely sided with each other in the past; James was into confrontation and focused on the short term, whereas Lily preferred to engage in the long term retaliation (his entire existence being one example). But their goals were the same. 

“Maybe it was those extra two inches you grew over the summer,” Sirius mused. 

James laughed. “I wish it was that easy, but I got a  _ lot  _ taller the summer before, and that was the beginning of her hatred,” He pointed out.

His mate laughed too, but as the sound died and only his lingering smile remained, Sirius said wisely, “You only need to read the papers to know that the world is changing. Dark magic and this stupid prick my entire family is obsessed with - that’s all grown over the summer. Lily’s the same as the rest of us, mate. Maybe her priorities are changing, and we should stick together and all that. I don’t know how much longer we’ll get to be ‘just’ teenagers.” 

James swallowed the lump that had formed in this throat and nodded at Sirius, at his brother. He was right, of course. For James, the fear of dark forces had only solidified in him that he wasn’t going to waste time pursuing girls he didn’t care about for the sake of it. It had prompted Sirius to run away from his family home and turn up at the Potters’. 

“I promise you’re stuck with me, mate,” James said lightly. 

“Glad to hear it,” Sirius replied sincerely, before clearing his throat. “Throw me another Bertie Bott, Prongs. We can’t be in here crying.”

“When did we get so soft?” James agreed. 

The door to the Trophy Room creaked open just as he was lining up his shot, and James quickly shoved it in his mouth whilst Sirius dove for his abandoned cloth. Expecting McGonagall, James and Sirius broke into relieved laughter when they saw Remus appear. When Lily entered the dark room behind him, James almost choked on the toast flavoured bean in his mouth. She looked guilty to be there and was subtly fiddling with her grey jumper sleeves. Fighting the urge to grin, he looked to Remus. 

“Not in trouble are we, Moony?” 

Remus gestured to their surroundings. “Yes. You’re in detention,” He said drily.

“More trouble?” Sirius clarified. 

“Then, no. Not unless you piss Lily off.”

She laughed, and James’ heart squeezed. “All right, Evans?” He asked.

“I’ve never actually had detention, you know,” Lily sauntered further into the room, hands clasped behind her back. “I wanted to know what all the fuss was about.” 

“Is it everything you hoped?” 

“Better,” She assured him in delight, drifting closer. “Apparently you’re cleaning like muggles,” Lily nodded to the cloth and polish discarded on the floor by his feet. 

James straightened his shoulders slightly, “I’m not afraid of hard work.”

Lily snorted and he couldn’t stop his own mouth from twisting into a smile. She chewed the inside of her cheek, clearly deliberating. 

“It’s sort of my fault you’re here,” She blurted.

“No!” He protested quickly, probably  _ too  _ quickly. He cleared his throat. “No, Evans. We hexed Avery. He’s a piece of shit and I would clean ancient trophies all night for the humiliation it caused him.”

A small, grateful smile formed on her lips and James dragged his eyes up to hers. 

“Worth it, then,” Lily surmised quietly.

James’ breathing had turned shallow, and his mouth twitched, “Definitely,” he confirmed seriously in a low voice to match. 

Lily nodded slowly, emerald eyes on hazel for a long drawn out moment as Remus came to stand beside Lily. 

“I think you’re a very commendable guy, Prongs,” He said randomly, clapping James on the back. “I was just talking to somebody today about how decent you are.”

James frowned in confusion as a pink flush crept up Lily’s neck, and he felt a familiar rush of affection for how easily she turned red. In the past, James had lost several arguments with her when he was distracted by the heated glow of her face caused by anger. He had no idea what was causing it now. 

“Er, thanks, Moony,” James said, half laughing and embarrassed that Lily was standing by possibly thinking he received these types of compliments all the time. 

“Was it his mother?” Sirius called across the room. 

“Just because she’d never call  _ you _ decent,” James retaliated. 

“Oi! I’m her favourite son!”

James eyes’ darted to Lily’s and he grinned in defeat, “Probably true.”

Her half-smile lingered, stretching one second into what felt like one hundred. 

“All right, we’d better be off,” Remus interrupted. “We just wanted to pop in and… say hi.” 

Even Sirius sniggered in confusion at that, and James noticed his Prefect friend was looking almost smug, and Lily was shooting small, sidelong daggers at him. He didn’t understand their friendship, but it filled him with warmth anyway. Lily, at least, would always let Remus look out for her. 

“Happy polishing!” Lily said in farewell, practically shoving Remus back out the door. 

Even with the door slammed shut, James and Sirius heard a muffled raised voice and clear laughter. James raised an eyebrow at Sirius. “Weird?”

“Weird,” He confirmed. 

Lily’s five minute visit spurred James on for the rest of the evening. Scrubbing fingerprints and dust from old trophies didn’t seem so bad with fresh memories to distract him, such as Lily’s slightly teasing tone when she spoke to him and the way her lips clamped together as though she didn’t mean to smile. James could tick another first off the list: Lily had confused  _ putting  _ him in detention with  _ visiting  _ him in detention. He hoped one day he might know what the hell that meant. 

* * *

_ Saturday 25th September 1976 _

Lily and Marlene were their friendship group’s infamous late sleepers and were therefore used to eating breakfast together in an emptying Great Hall on the weekends. The air had a chilly bite to it this morning, and Lily was grateful for her soft corduroy jeans and knitted jumper. Marlene’s lounging clothes looked a lot like Lily’s dad’s painting clothes - an old hoodie and tattered blue jeans; her tall frame and tumbling blonde waves saved her from looking slightly weathered.

On the way back to the Common Room, Lily and Marlene were stopped by a burly Seventh Year Ravenclaw, bouncing on the balls of his feet with a never-ending supply of energy he seemed to have. 

“It’s too early for your bullshit, Bilius,” Marlene warned her brother. 

Billy McKinnon was undeterred, “There’s my sweet sister!” 

His hair was a golden blonde like Marlene’s, and they were practically the same height, leading people to believe they were twins. As a Quidditch beater, Lily could testify he’d become the most muscular out of his three brothers, who were both taller and more reedy. But what Billy lacked in height, he made up for with his ballsy nature.

He winked at Lily. “Hey, Lily.”

Lily cringed, trying to conceal a laugh. Marlene shoved him. “How many times have I told you to stop winking? It’s disturbing me.” 

He shrugged, “I’m just practising. Got a few people I want to ask out to Hogsmeade.”

“You’re such a loser,” Marlene rolled her eyes. “What do you want?”

“Fenwick told me you’re paired together in Charms.” 

“So?”

“He also told me that you’re  _ feisty _ , which means you were a bitch to him,” Billy said knowingly.

Marlene scoffed, “What are you, his babysitter?”

“I know what you’re like, Marlene. Take it easy, Fenwick’s cool.”

“So I’ve heard,” Marlene replied scathingly, annoyingly proving her brother’s point. He raised his eyebrows. 

“I’ve said my piece,” He shrugged. He winked once more at Lily, “Bye, Lily.”

“When you’re on your date, I think winking is best in moderation,” she advised. 

Completely unfazed, Billy nodded thoughtfully. 

“Write to mum and dad!” He yelled at Marlene as he jogged off. 

“Merlin!” Marlene turned to Lily as they set off walking. “How is the  _ entire _ school up Fenwick’s arse?”

Lily wrinkled her nose, “He’s nice and good looking.”

“All right,  _ Mary _ .”

Lily let out a resigned laugh, “You should give him a chance.”

They both hopped the vanishing step on the staircase, and Marlene narrowed her eyes. 

“Like you’re giving James a chance?”

Lily instantly felt her face flame. The last time she saw James, Remus had been acting very bloody obviously and she felt embarrassed to be making such a damn show of being James’ proper friend. Because being his friend seemed a lot more likely than not lately. The warmth in her chest when he had said he didn’t regret getting a detention had stayed with her all night. 

“Wh - I’m not giving Potter a  _ chance _ it’s… I am re-evaluating my stance on… people,” she eventually spat out.  _ Very convincing and eloquent, Lily _ , she thought, _ you should write poetry. _

Marlene looked like she was suffering from secondhand embarrassment and Lily couldn’t blame her. She was making a bit of a mess. 

When they arrived at the portrait of the Fat Lady, Lily and Marlene looked at each other warily, as they heard shouts and bangs from within the Common Room. 

“After you,” Marlene gestured. 

Rolling her eyes, Lily stepped in, “After me.”

Around the hearth, there was a small gathering of students stood clearly watching something, chatting excitedly. Lily managed to take one step before she heard four voices she should have expected.

“It’s a simple yet beautiful potion!” Sirius was hollering over the rest. 

“I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t want horns!” James’ voice joined in to a horde of laughter.

Alarm bells started ringing in Lily’s head and she surged forward to push apart the small crowd. She almost groaned at the sight that met her.

James, Sirius and Peter stood by the fireplace before a suspiciously simmering cauldron and a collection of old vials on the coffee table. Remus was reclined in the armchair, looking resigned. 

“Potter!” Lily spoke abruptly, a far cry from her teasing yesterday. All four boys jumped, smiles faltering for a moment. “What the hell are you doing?” The crowd had fallen silent, breaths held. 

“Oops, sorry, mate,” Sirius muttered out of the side of his mouth, making Lily narrow her eyes. 

James’ hand jumped to his hair and he did his best to maintain his smile. She remembered her revelation about the gesture signalling that he was nervous but wary of the crowd, she raised her eyebrows expectantly. No, Lily had to make sure they weren’t accidentally going to kill someone. 

“All right, Evans?” He asked casually. “We’re just showcasing our potion making skills for this fine lot.” 

The usual confident guilt coloured his face, and she tried not to think of two days ago in Charms when he’d sat next to her and effortlessly picked up her slack and made her laugh while he did so. She levelled her gaze at him. James had been surprising Lily at every turn since they arrived back at Hogwarts, maybe she wanted to surprise  _ him _ . After yesterday, she didn’t particularly want to have to bust him for whatever questionable substance was in that cauldron. She folded her arms. 

“What have you brewed, then?”

James’ eyebrows flicked up in surprise, “A little something to distribute at dinner… on the Slytherin table.” 

“You really shouldn’t be promoting inter house conflicts,” Lily countered in her best Prefect tone. 

Leaning over to inspect the contents, she wrinkled her nose. The potion was a deep, murky purple that bubbled like sludge. 

“Aw, come on, Evans,” James implored. “I was hoping you’d understand.”

His arms were extended jovially, and his stance was for the benefit of the muddle of onlookers, but when Lily met James’ gaze, his eyes were the same kind eyes that twinkled across a table in The Three Broomsticks. 

Lily then did something she had never done before, she smirked at the challenge. Lily mused, tapping her chin. “Let’s be fair, not all Slytherins deserve horns,” Lily said pointedly to the younger students, who looked sheepish. She turned back to the four boys, all looking at her in disbelief. She smiled slightly as she plucked up a clear vial to inspect, “Give it to Samantha Flint to pour in the right goblets. She’ll do it, she fancies all four of you.” Sirius and Peter looked chuffed, Remus went red and it was like James barely registered it. His smile was growing, a real genuine one. 

Lily tucked her hair behind her ears for something to do with her hands. She didn’t think she flourished under attention, and now they hung on her every word. 

“I do hope you’re going to make it a thinner consistency,” she finished smartly. “It’s like cement.”

“ _ Thank you _ , Evans. I told you so, Pete,” Sirius shoved Peter. 

James’ eyes were alight with something Lily didn’t have time to decipher. She could only describe them as twinkling, and they enticed Lily to grin. She chewed the inside of her cheek instead. She hoped her olive branch was enough to match his. 

Lily tossed James the vial she held, and he caught it easily.  _ Chasers _ , she thought, as she shrugged at him. 

“Don’t screw it up,” Lily warned before turning on her heel and smoothly exiting the fray. 

She headed for the girls’ dormitory, where Marlene caught up with her, practically jigging. 

“Lily! That was  _ brilliant!”  _ She cackled gleefully. “You smooth criminal, I thought they were going to piss themselves but you flipped it!” 

Lily felt anything  _ but _ smooth. In the safety of the staircase, her cheeks finally flamed but she laughed with Marlene. She hadn’t done it to embarrass them, but to aid them. Lily had come to find she really quite liked the boys’ company, and she was done alienating them. Why would she defend some Slytherins who hated her bloody guts when truthfully she  _ did  _ want to see them with horns? She hoped James, acting so reserved around her, would understand that now. 

James, Sirius, Peter and an embarrassed Remus successfully passed on their vials of purple liquid to Samantha Flint after lunch. She made an impressive show of not just batting her eyelids, but delivering on her word. 

At dinner, when the shouts went up and the likes of Avery, Mulciber, Snape, Rosier and Selwyn clutched their foreheads in horror, the Gryffindors couldn’t help but fall about laughing. They were saved from looking suspicious by the fact that the entire Great Hall found the mini purple horns like baby goats were extremely funny, too. 

When James looked over at Lily, she was watching knowingly. She proceeded to tip an invisible hat to him, and he grinned in delight. James loved that there was still an infinite number of things he didn’t know about Lily, and he would never get bored of learning about them. Her mischievous streak only made his chest ache with a new urgency when she allowed herself to smirk at him for a moment. All he could do was wink back at her, and revel in the way that he finally got to share a moment like this with her. Maybe she didn’t fancy him, maybe she never would, but right now they were on equal ground. 

* * *

_ Sunday 26th September 1976 _

It was a gorgeous afternoon that enticed Lily out of the stuffy Common Room. Autumn had arrived at Hogwarts, and the leaves on the Whomping Willow had begun to float to the ground leaving the branches stark as they twisted and lashed out. She’d seen a few people she knew around the grounds, but she was grateful for some alone time. Truthfully, she’d been feeling antsy in such close proximity to James. Lily had no clue how to bridge the gap from friendly to friends and it was infuriating. She suspected if it was anyone else, she wouldn’t think twice. 

Three and a half weeks was a long time in a place as full on as Hogwarts, when you spent almost all day and every day with them in lessons, dinner or in the Common Room. A month ago, Lily had sat in her bedroom in Cokeworth, imagining that James would continue his tirade and she’d have to figure out new ways to rebuff him. This short time later, Lily was making her way across the wooden bridge back into the castle wondering why he’d stopped and figuring out ways he might talk to her more. Mostly she just thought,  _ what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck  _ on a loop. It was getting to her, to the say the least. 

Deciding to take a detour past the clocktower, Lily strode past the Hospital Wing with her thoughts a million miles away. 

“Lily.” 

Spinning round, Lily was so frustrated she could have stomped her foot. She had managed to catch Snape coming out of the Hospital Wing, sadly sans horns. And she was having such a lovely walk. 

Clad in all black like he always was, Severus approached her and she took a small step back. He flinched. Lily felt betrayed by her own feet;  _ she  _ shouldn’t be scared. 

It was so quiet she heard a bird take flight. With her own breathing loud in her ears, Lily realised she wished she wasn’t alone with him. 

“What?” She asked sharply.

“Can we talk?” He asked evenly.

Lily huffed at the audacity, “I don’t think so.”

“ _ Please _ , Lily. Just a moment,” Severus’ eyes were pleading, and Lily searched for the boy she’d known against her better nature. Of course, she did not find him. He may as well have been a mirage. 

“Okay. Talk.” She instructed. The quicker he spoke the faster she could leave. 

Inhaling a measured breath, “Why are you spending so much time with them?” 

The anger bubbled into her throat like bile, and Lily was horrified. Horrified she had thought maybe he would ask about  _ her _ . Stupid, stupid. 

“What kind of question is that?” She asked tersely, leashing her fury. “I don’t have to justify anything to you.”

Severus paled, “You said you hated him!” 

Lily could have screamed. “This is about  _ James? _ Don’t be so childish.” 

“Nothing good can come of it, Lily!” He said desperately.

“I am  _ tired  _ of your obsession with him, Severus. Your  _ good opinion _ is not my problem anymore.”

“It’s not about him, it’s about your word!” He said furiously. “Did you - lie?” 

“Oh, now you want to acknowledge the power of  _ words _ ?” Lily scoffed in quiet fury.

Finally, his shoulders slumped. Severus nodded in admission, took a big breath and spoke - “I’m sorry.”

The echoing nothingness of his words richoted around the hall. She almost staggered back when how little she felt after hearing those words hit her. Lily supposed she’d always wanted him to apologise, but now it seemed laughable. Lily and Severus were past forgiveness. They were past salvaging. 

Blinking back hot, bitter tears, she shook her head, “You’re not sorry for calling me a mudblood. You’re sorry that I am one. And  _ I  _ am sorry that I have wasted so much of my life fooling myself into believing otherwise.” She took a steadying breath as Snape practically shook before her. “We are not friends. You have made your bed, Severus, I am sorry where that might get you.” 

“Lily -”

“That’s enough,” Lily cut him off frankly. “Please just leave me alone.”

Without another word, she walked away as fast she could without breaking into a sprint. Despite the crushing despair of knowing she could never erase the parts of herself that she had put into that doomed friendship, Lily felt the freedom meet her with each step away from him. It didn’t matter about the past, she had the power to trust her gut from now on. To surround herself with only the best hearts. 

Turning into the courtyard, a gust of wind caught the dark speckled quill half-hanging out of her pocket. Lily skidded to a halt, watching the feather pick up speed before pirouetting it’s way back to her. 

Lily pulled out her wand, “ _ Accio _ ,” she muttered. 

James’ quill flew into her outstretched palm, and she clutched it with cold, pink fingers. 

* * *

After dinner, James whistled as he meandered the corridors. He had finally procured (okay, stolen) another clear vial. This one, though, was far superior glass and topped with a crystal stopper. James didn’t feel too bad for taking it from Slughorn’s stores as his father was the one who gifted it to him two years ago. Ducked in a stairwell, James had already transferred the purple potion that had been so successful yesterday from a plain vial into the new one. 

He was on his way back to Gryffindor tower when he decided to check out the Marauder’s Map on the way and noticed Lily’s dot wandering around alone on the fifth floor. Frowning, he had stood stationary for five minutes debating whether to seek her out. They were sort of in a truce, right? There was every chance she would be pissed, but James inevitably swivelled on his heel and jogged to the fifth floor. 

He did  _ not  _ expect her to have walked so quickly and almost crash into her in the viaduct courtyard. 

“Oof - sorry!” 

“Potter!” Lily exclaimed in surprise, linking her arms behind her back. Like him, she wasn’t wearing a coat, only her thin powder blue jumper, as though she hadn’t meant to be so long outside. 

“Evans, you out for a walk?” 

“Are you?” She asked instead. 

James levelled his gaze at her. “You left dinner early.” 

Lily frowned when he didn’t answer her question, either, “I had to grab something.” 

“Oh.”

“You weren’t in the Common Room,” She observed. 

“I had to grab something,” He repeated her words and Lily rolled her eyes. “You’re  _ not _ aimlessly wondering around then?”

“I am wandering  _ with _ aim,” She said tartly, gesturing with her hands before realising that she was still holding a large ornate bottle.

James did a double-take, and zoned in on her hands, “Is that – Evans, is that  _ Firewhiskey? _ ”

Lily made a poor attempt at hiding the offending object behind her back. “No!”

“You’re not drowning your sorrows, are you?”

“I haven’t even opened the bottle,” She argued, waving it in his face as proof.

James raised an eyebrow, “Then what the hell are you doing?”

“Ugh!” Lily scowled, stepping from one foot to another. After a moment, she shoved the bottle against his chest, forcing James to grip it. “It’s for you. I was looking for you.”

She folded her arms.

James felt completely baffled, and he stared at the amber liquid sloshing around the bottle, “Umm… why?”

“I’m trying to apologise, Potter, and you’re making it very hard.”

“What in Merlin’s name have you got to apologise to  _ me _ for?”

Lily didn’t meet his eye when she spoke. “After Alice and Frank’s date; you were lovely to me and I was… not.”

“Woah, Evans. I haven’t been angry at you or anything,” He assured her. The only thing he had done was worry he’d pushed her further away. But apparently… not?

That didn’t seem to satisfy Lily, in fact she was more distressed than before, “I cannot believe how nice you are! Have you ever even held a tiny grudge?”

James considered, eyes amused, “Sure, Sirius stole my lucky Quidditch shirt months ago and the bastard has definitely lost it.”

“ _ Potter _ .”

“ _ Evans _ . I don’t give a damn that you shouted at me. I thought you knew that already,” James said pointedly. 

Right. Lily felt a prickle of shame. She’d argued with him, docked points, and publicly called him every name under the sun. And that was all on top of rejecting every single date offer he’d ever made. She’d done it all and never showed remorse before. No wonder he was confused.

“All right, then,” She said slowly. “I’m sorry for it all.”

“I don’t want an apology,” He insisted.

“Take it!”

“Not a chance.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Evans! Can you not bloody argue with me for two seconds?” James asked in frustration.

Lily jaw dropped open, “I don’t know, Potter, can you stop being so infuriating?”

“Apparently not!”

“Merlin! I don’t even remember why I wanted to be your friend.”

James looked at her so fast he almost snapped his neck, “You wanted what now?”

Lily felt her face go up in flames. Well, bugger.

“What – nothing!” she groaned. “Oh, drop the face, Potter!”

Lily glowered at the grin that was taking over his face. 

“Say it again,” James nudged.

“No.”

“Say it!”

“You heard!”

“Evans.”

“You’re a git, James.”

Merlin, he loved the way his name sounded coming from her mouth, like she knew something about him nobody else did.

“I don’t think that’s what I heard.”

“You should probably get your ears checked,” She retorted, but it was half-hearted now, and her defensiveness had turned into pink-faced embarrassment. James was a little bit obsessed with the fact this pink tinge was because of  _ him _ .

James nudged her again, just enough for her to look up at him through red hair.

“You really want to be friends?”

“Sort of,” Lily rolled her eyes. “Shut up.”

James tried to mask his laughter, but failed miserably. “Don’t be shy, Evans. I’ve wanted to be friends for  _ ages. _ ” On top of everything else, of course.

“You always do that,” Lily said with a tilted head. “Make people feel better at your own expense.” 

James pushed a hand through his hair, brushing it off by laughing, “Is that why you want to be friends?” He couldn’t stop saying it. 

“Oh no, Potter,” Lily shook her head. “I’ve embarrassed myself enough for today, thank you. I won’t be listing reasons.” 

“I’m just asking,” He smirked. 

“Well, you can stop asking. As my friend, you should respect my wishes.” 

“I don’t want to pester you -”

Lily snorted, “Why stop now?”

“My first impression is that you’re a rather rude friend, Evans,” James observed. 

Her eyes narrowed, “I could always take my friendship elsewhere!”

“No, no, no! I like my mates rude.”

“Oh?”

“Yep. Practically offensive.” 

“At least now I know how Sirius made the cut.”

James laughed appreciatively. 

Lily took a breath and he watched her thoughts go in circles behind her eyes. After a moment, she spoke evenly, she’d thought about it a lot. “I should never have been angry that you stood up for me. I am lucky to have people who care enough. I am really sorry.” 

Her face was as open as he’d ever seen it under the night sky. James didn’t want an apology from her but somehow hearing one made him feel as light as air. It was the honesty she was showing him, displaying a small part of herself in apologising and letting her guard down that made James reach out and twirl a strand of her hair around her finger. 

“What’s an argument between friends?” He said simply, and Lily’s soft beam as she looked up at him on a late September evening struck like a bolt of lightning. 

James couldn’t tear himself away from her eyes, and the tiny flecks of brown in them. Lily didn’t look away, or even move, and James took the opportunity to just be in this moment with her. Two people, so achingly similar having lived so long worlds apart. He smiled slightly, and so did she, until she got embarrassed and a pink flush crept amongst her freckles, slight dimples appearing as she started to laugh. Finally, she broke the stare to look at the sky, a breathless laugh on her lips. 

“I stare at all my friends,” She clarified. 

It was James’ turn to laugh and he shook his head. 

“Mhm,” He nodded, not quite believing how his day had turned around. 

“We should go,” she said, stepping back. “It’s getting cold.”

He let the soft curl slip from his fingers.

“Fucking freezing,” James agreed.

They headed back, talking non-stop as if they did so every night. The walk wasn’t so much returning to the Common Room as it was the first few tentative yet long awaited steps down an endless winding road. They weren’t sure how, and they’d never admit it for fear of sounding crazy, but they both felt it. 


	6. Lily and the Turntables

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Hogsmeade trip arrives as confusion and jealousy is rife amongst the group.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, it's been a whole month. THANK YOU for 700 hits! I hope you are all safe and well reading this. As the world gets crazier, fiction becomes even more important.  
> I honestly drove myself mad in this because I was adding so much detail into every scene that I was only halfway through the planned chapter when I realised it was already the length of my other chapters. Therefore I have split the chapter so you can read it sooner. Do people prefer shorter chapters/short waits or long chapters/longer waits?  
> To Nina, Meg, mk, o_Marbs, BrazilianWriter and esskem thank you so much for your lovely words. I am so happy that you not only love Jily's dynamic, you're invested in the others, too. Marlene's story is a really important one.  
> Okay I'll shut up now, please enjoy and leave kudos/comments! Come chat with me on tumblr: deadlysansa.

_ Friday 2nd October 1976 _

Lily had made a mistake. A classic rookie error. 

What did it have to do with James? 

Oh, nothing, nothing.

Accepting to go on a date with Thomas Brailey six hours ago had nothing to do with spending a whole week with James and feeling a lot weirder about going to Hogsmeade alone. 

Well, she was never going  _ alone  _ as Marlene had already huffily pointed out. 

“It was supposed to be me and you, Lil! Why the hell do you want to go out with Brailey?” Her friend complained on Friday night. She was in her flannel pyjamas fiddling with the gramophone that had once belonged to Lily’s father. 

Lily paused brushing her hair to make a pathetic groaning sound, “He’s  _ nice _ .”

Marlene snorted, “Flitwick’s nice. Fancy a date with him?”

“You’re no help, Mar. Where’s Alice and Mary? They love talking about boys.”

“Alice is probably with Frank. Mary’s in the Common Room getting on with homework  _ and  _ my last nerve,” Marlene poked the gramophone with her wand in irritation. Sighing, she pocketed it. “If you want to talk to a  _ friend _ , why not chat to James?”

Lily looked up to see Marlene blinking innocently at her. To say that their mutual friends were surprised about Lily and James’ newfound friendship was an understatement. Sirius had actually fallen down the stairs when James mentioned it (with a huge bloody grin) on Monday morning. To Lily, though, the niceties were outweighing their confused and whiplashed mates. James was a good friend to have! She could even privately admit that she understood why he was so popular. James was funny, and asked how people were, and he remembered names and random facts. He offered her food a lot, which made her laugh because how had she never noticed he was a bit of a mother hen? Every morning without fail he’d snuck up behind her and said hello, scaring her half to death, sure, but she didn’t actually  _ mind.  _ The past month had been so strange when he didn’t notice her - when he  _ always  _ noticed her - and Lily supposed she’d let it get to her more than she realised. It was basically Stockholm Syndrome. 

“I don’t think James is that kind of friend,” Lily answered with a shrug. 

Marlene’s face formed a pained expression, “The thing is, James  _ would  _ give you advice if you asked for it. He’s got a sickeningly selfless streak.” She paused. “That, and he can never say no to you.”

Lily grew uncomfortably hot, “He can. He said he wouldn’t let me win chess just yesterday.” 

Marlene sniggered, “Because you’re so competitive you’d go hopping mad if he even  _ tried  _ to throw a game. And he knows it.”

With a frown, Lily turned away from Marlene. She didn’t know what to think of her friend’s ideas. Well, she knew she  _ definitely  _ couldn’t ask him for dating advice. What if he started talking about Mary? Could she stand that? Why  _ couldn’t  _ she stand that? 

_ Ugh, shut that door, Lily.  _

“Ah hah!” Marlene suddenly shouted proudly. A soulful voice began to fill the dormitory, and Lily looked back to see that her friend had successfully gotten the gramophone working. At least somebody was in control. 

**  
  
**

* * *

_ Saturday 3 _ _ rd _ _ October 1976 _

“What to wear, what to  _ wear?” _

Mary had been up for two hours padding around the dormitory and muttering to herself. By the time nine a.m. rolled around, she abandoned all pretence of being quiet and let the lid of her trunk slam shut. Lily watched her through narrowed, sleepy eyes from her bed, the hood of her dressing gown pulled low over her face. Marlene jerked awake at the sound before groaning and pulling the duvet to cover her face. From the bathroom, Alice made a noise in protest.

“You’re raving mad, Mary,” Lily yawned. “What is wrong with you?”

Mary shot Lily an exasperated glance, “Its Saturday, the first Hogsmeade trip. Merlin, you really are  _ not  _ a morning person.”

Remembering, Lily wanted to slump back down in her bed. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah,  _ oh _ . I’m getting ready for my date,” Mary looked up at her pointedly. “With James.”

Lily smiled at Mary in a way she hoped looked supportive but felt utterly deranged. Every mention of James and Mary’s date left a sour taste in her mouth. She really was trying to be supportive. Not only did she owe it to Mary, but Lily was James’ friend now, too. 

_ So  _ weird. But good weird. 

Marlene let out a muffled grumble, “No one cares, Mary.”

She was answered with a flying hairbrush landing with a soft thump on top of her blankets.

Mary smoothed down her hair as though she hadn’t thrown the projectile, “You’re just bitter you’re going solo now, Mar.” 

The hairbrush was lobbed back across the room, Mary ducking to narrowly avoid it. 

Lily rubbed the sleep from her eyes and groaned. 

Alice came over with a frown, “What’s the matter, Lil?” 

“What if Thomas takes me to Madam Puddifoot’s?” She pouted pathetically. 

Mary looked unimpressed; she was dying to be taken to the little tea shop. 

Alice smirked, “I don’t know.” 

“I’ll be sick in my mouth, that’s what.”

Alice snorted and sat on the edge of the bed, signalling for Lily to plait her hair. With a huff, Lily set to work on her short locks. 

Marlene stuck her head out of her duvet cocoon. “You could have been stuffing your face all day with me,” She said with an air of superiority. 

Lily couldn’t even argue. She should have been doing exactly that today. Had she ever even thought of Thomas Brailey that way? Lost in plaiting Alice’s hair, she tried to picture Thomas’ eyes. Well, crap. What  _ colour  _ were they? Unbidden, twinkling hazel eyes appeared in her mind and she blinked rapidly. Um,  _ no _ . 

Alice yelped as Lily accidentally tugged her hair in alarm, “I would like some hair  _ left _ , Lil!”

“Oh!” Mary paused her aimless twirling. “Marlene, where’s your velvet headband?”

Still tangled in her blankets, the blonde rested her chin on a hand, “It’s in the land of you’re-not-wearing-it.” 

Thoroughly offended, Mary made a squawking noise. “But it goes with my pinafore!” 

“And that’s not my problem.” Lily watched Marlene shrug, but her eyes didn’t hold Mary’s betrayed gaze. 

“You’re being a right cow,” Mary muttered, turning her face away and tucking her smoothed curls behind her ears. Alice twisted her head with difficulty to mouth, “ _ what the hell?”  _ at Lily. 

Marlene rose from the bed with an annoyingly graceful huff and reached into her drawer, pulling out the red velvet headband and jamming it on her head. 

“I’ve changed my mind,” she announced, marching into the bathroom. “I’m wearing it.”

Mary’s eyes followed Marlene with an incredulous expression on her face, dark skin flushing. The door slammed and Lily tied up Alice’s hair, sliding off the bed with a concerned frown. 

Lily didn’t think anybody could really upset Mary like Marlene did when she wanted to. 

“Wear the pink, Mare,” Lily said kindly. “Then you can wear that beret.”

Alice agreed, “Definitely.” She lowered her voice. “She’s just upset we’ve all got dates, but we all know she’ll never say it.”

Lily covered her eyes with a moan, “I shouldn’t have ditched her last minute.” 

Yeah, Lily had made a rookie error on many levels. 

“It’s not your fault, Lily,” Mary looked at the shut bathroom door bitterly. “It’s that McKinnon bullheaded temper.”

Neither Lily or Alice could argue with that. 

After another hour, Mary was chomping at the bit to go down to the Entrance Hall. It was a typical Hogwarts tradition; to wait for your date in the Entrance Hall. It reminded Lily of Petunia’s school prom last year where her very groomed date waited at the bottom of the stairs with a corsage. It seemed so stupid and dramatic. Lily, feeling particularly shunned by her sister that day, had said so.

As they got closer to Entrance Hall, the corridors got busier with students darting about excitedly or waiting around for their mates and dates. Trudging down the stone steps into the Entrance Hall behind the three other girls, Lily wrapped her scarf around her neck, trying not to trip. Although, maybe a nice day of napping in the Hospital Wing would be preferable to this. 

She felt the whoosh of air before she saw James fall into step beside her. Now smothered in her scarf, Lily’s lips instantly curling at the corners was her own little secret. Instead, she looked up at him and glowered at his buoyancy. James was wearing the soft brown bomber jacket he’d worn the last time they had been in Hogsmeade. Hands in pockets, he looked strong and soft all at once as he grinned knowingly at her. 

“Morning, Evans.”

“Mmph,” she responded. “It’s too early to look so happy.”

James held back a laugh, “It’s gone ten o’clock.”

“Thank you, I can tell time,” Lily snapped back, but as was common now, there was no real bite to it. 

A gust of chilly air came to meet them as they neared the huge front doors, and Lily folded her arms. Two of James’ Quidditch teammates crossed them on the stairs: Fern Dawlish and Léon Hatch, both beaters and as of last year, an adorable couple. 

“Hey, Cap!” Léon clapped James on the back with a grin before his eyes moved to Lily and visibly widened. “Oh, hi, Lily! Have fun, guys!” 

Fern elbowed Léon, but the surprise was clear on her face, too. She smiled cheekily, “Not  _ too _ much fun!” 

Lily’s face went up in flames as James brushed them off with a laugh. “All right, sod off, or it’s twenty extra press ups each tomorrow.” 

Fern and Léon cackled as they scarpered, hands joined. 

Lily wondered if James was embarrassed. She tightened her hold on herself. Both Fern and Leon were Fifth Years but got together on the team last year. When they first kissed at a party in the Common Room, James had called himself Cupid. Lily remembered rolling her eyes and correcting him with a, “Don’t you mean  _ stupid?”  _

She’d had a few hushed drinks and James, of course, had just smirked at her, but Lily still cringed at the memory. 

James caught her eye now and she wondered if he was thinking of the same thing. 

“You’re staring at me, Evans.” He didn’t sound annoyed. In fact, a smile played at his lips as he stared right back. 

Lily raised her eyebrows, “As if.”

He flashed her a grin as he shook his head, “Let’s get you some breakfast, cranky.” Lily glared and he quickly said, “When I said  _ cranky  _ I meant  _ gorgeous _ .”

Lily’s jaw dropped in admonishment, hating the way her body reacted to the word, like it _liked_ it. She batted his elbow as they strolled into the Great Hall. 

“You don’t call your other mates gorgeous,” She reprimanded with narrowed eyes. 

She felt a well of disappointment in her stomach even as she knew she had to say it. James was the flirtiest bloody friend she’d ever had, and it was disarming. Dangerous, really. 

They reached Marlene, Mary and Alice at the table just as Sirius, Remus and Peter caught up to them. 

“Merlin, Prongs,” Sirius panted. “You didn’t need to  _ jog _ to catch up to -”

James ended his sentence with an arm around Sirius’ shoulder and clamping a hand over his mouth. 

“Hi, gorgeous,” James said brightly to Sirius and winked at Lily. 

She smothered a laugh and sat down before her legs gave out beneath her, because - okay, winking was  _ also  _ disarming. 

Sirius grinned as he pushed James off and swung onto the bench, “Can we flirt later, Prongsy? I’m waiting for Isobel Alvarez.”

“And how much did you pay her?” Marlene asked with a goading smile, making Remus and Peter laugh as they took a seat. 

James swung one leg over the bench beside Lily as she eyed the tray of chipolatas. 

“See?” He said, wordlessly pulling the tray toward her. 

Lily stabbed her fork pointedly into a sausage, “I did. He called it flirting.” 

James chuckled, warm minty breath tickling her cheek. Lily cut into a tomato with concentrated precision. 

“What’s a little flirting amongst friends?”

Lily’s eyes slid to his, and she shrugged, “Is it the best idea for _us_ , though?” Also known as, _it’s screwing with me because you’re going on a date with one of my best friends today_ _and you used to fancy me but now you don’t and I just realised your bone structure is incredibly good._

There. She was sensible and reasonable. And already regretful when he held her gaze for a moment before nodding, his amusement morphing into a sincerity that she found it hard to look away from. 

“You’re calling the shots here, Lily,” James said, like it was simple. “You know that, right?”

Lily blinked, struck by how perfect his thick eyebrows were as they slightly raised. She gulped, and couldn’t help but smile at him, looking away with a huffed laugh. One corner of his mouth ticked up in response, and he swung the other leg over the bench, reaching for the platter of eggs. 

Twenty minutes later, plates were empty and the group walked back out into the Entrance Hall. Mary linked her arm through James’, pulling her pink beret back on. 

Marlene looked annoyed as she addressed Sirius, Remus and Peter. “Are you lot waiting for dates?” 

Peter only blinked, quite clearly petrified of Marlene, whilst Remus shook his head. Lily frowned; Remus was a total catch, tall, handsome and kind. The students at this school were lacking serious brain cells. 

“I am,” Sirius grinned indulgently just as Isobel Alvarez came into view and he dashed off without a second glance at either of them. 

“I hope she knows what she’s in for,” Alice said with a laugh before spotting Frank. “Oh, see you later!” She squealed and was gone. 

“All right,” Marlene announced. “Lupin, Pettigrew, you’re with me.” 

“Marlene, I  _ know  _ boys have asked you,” Mary rolled her eyes. 

“So?” Marlene shrugged. “I don’t need a date to have a good time.”

James was frowning. “Won’t you be with Evans?”

For some reason, Lily felt deceitful. She hadn’t told him last night at dinner even though she’d had plenty of chances to. It had been on the tip of her tongue, but every time he looked over with with another teasing joke she didn’t  _ want _ to tell him. 

“Oh,” Lily cringed. “I said I’d go with Thomas Brailey.”

James’ neck must have cricked with the speed he looked over at her. He did his best to keep his expression neutral as Lily shot him a questioning eyebrow raise. She felt the heat rise to her face. What the hell? It was  _ cold.  _

James stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Oh… right.” He said casually before his eyes suddenly looked everywhere but her face. 

Lily opened her mouth but decided against it. She didn’t really have anything to say. She was allowed to go on a date, for Merlin’s sake.  _ He  _ was. 

Marlene let out an exasperated noise, “Okay! We’re going now before this gets weird.” 

Lily almost bleated, realising that Marlene was about to leave her  _ alone _ with Mary and James. She shot her disgruntled mate a sharp look which Marlene pointedly ignored and saluted as she swanned off, Remus and Peter in tow. Awkwardly smiling, Lily internally screamed at herself. 

What was the issue? Mary was her best friend, and James was very recently established as her friend. Separately, she could talk the ear off either of them, but now she choked on her own tongue. 

Mary smiled brightly at James, “I guess we should go, too.” 

James’ eyes darted toward her, “We can wait for you, Evans,” He offered, a hand jumping to his hair. 

Lily instantly shook her head. Being an awkward worm was one thing, but cockblocking was quite another. “Don’t worry,” she said, and when he faltered, Lily let out a strange laugh. “Bugger off, all right?”

Mary blew Lily a kiss and pulled on James’ elbow. They walked toward where McGonagall was standing casting a shrewd eye over permission slips. Lily watched them go with a strange feeling in her chest which didn’t ease when James glanced back before disappearing out of sight. She felt so lame, left standing like a billy-no-mate. Where the hell was Thomas Brailey? 

“So, are you like mates with James Potter now?” 

Lily almost jumped out of her skin, and spun to find an expectant Ruby Greengrass. 

“Merlin, Ruby, you almost stopped my heart!”

“Sorry,” The Slytherin girl shrugged. 

Lily raised her eyebrows; she didn’t look it. 

“What did you say?” 

“Are you mates with Potter now?” She repeated. 

Lily fought a blush. Ruby had an infamously big metaphorical nose when it came to sticking her nose where it didn’t belong. Unfortunately, her physical nose was quite nice looking. 

“Uh, yeah, I guess. Why?” She replied in a casual tone. 

“You know,” Ruby said. “There’s been gossip.” 

Bloody hell. At least she was upfront. 

Lily inhaled a measured breath. “What on earth is interesting about Potter and I being friends?”

Ruby actually laughed at her, “Oh, please, Lily! The best looking bloke in the school asks you out a million times and you like, hated him. But now you’ll openly laugh with him in the corridors?  _ That’s  _ interesting,” She considered.

“It’s not interesting,” Lily spluttered, alarmed anyone paid that much attention to her. “We’ve just decided to be mature and put the past behind us.” 

Ruby didn’t look convinced, and she clicked her tongue. “It’s James Potter, Lily, no one would blame you.”

“I- you -” Lily struggled for words. This conversation was so left field she felt like she’d been sucker punched. “That is not what’s happening here, Ruby. Can’t you and your friends play chess or do something normal instead of talk about Potter and me?”

Ruby finally decided to look affronted, and rolled her eyes, “It’s better you hear it from  _ me.  _ Some people are very jealous.” 

Lily frowned. Jealous of  _ her? _

“Not me, though,” Ruby assured, flicking a strand of dark hair from her face. “I’ve got a boyfriend.” She lowered her voice. “A muggle boy from home. It’s very scandalous.”

Lily stared for a moment, her heart going out to that boy in sympathy, “Okay.”

She had no idea whether to laugh, shout, or pass out. Lily felt like she had been more of a passenger of this conversation than a driver. She’d been harassed about James before but she’d never engaged.  _ Crap, Lily, why are you engaging?  _

Thankfully, they were interrupted at that moment by a perfectly timed Thomas Brailey. Which was ironic because he was ten minutes late.

“Hi, Lily, I’m so sorry for keeping you.”

She gave him her best smile and brushed it off, already walking backwards and beckoning him along. Anything to escape the bizarre conversation with Ruby.

“Okay, bye, Ruby! I have a date with Thomas here, so…” Lily looked at her pointedly. She had a  _ date _ with somebody that was definitely  _ not  _ James. No, Thomas was shorter and had light hair that was a little too immaculate. 

Ruby rolled her eyes and waved an unenthusiastic hand. 

Thomas smiled warmly at her as they passed McGonagall’s vetting, and they cut through the courtyard and down the hill towards Hogsmeade.“How are you?” He asked.

“Fine, you?” Lily replied, worrying her lip. 

People were  _ already  _ talking about her and James. So much for it not being a big deal! Granted, it could only be Ruby Greengrass and her circle of drama seekers, but in a place as confined as Hogwarts, that was as good as a column in  _ The Daily Prophet _ . 

Ugh, people could gossip all they wanted. It wouldn’t change the truth: Lily and James were strictly friends. Brand new platonic acquaintances. A couple of pals.  _ Except don’t use the word couple,  _ she thought quickly. 

“I’m great, thanks. I didn’t think you’d say yes, at all. Glad I plucked up the nerve,” Thomas shot her a shy grin and Lily did her best to focus on her actual date who luckily hadn’t realised she was having a mini mental break. Her third of the day. Bloody brilliant. 

* * *

Marlene held out a hand for the change the Honeydukes shopkeeper dropped into her hand. She’d stocked up on enough huge lollipops to last the average person an entire term, but would probably only take her up to the next Hogsmeade visit. They were Droobles and could last all day. However Marlene was an agitated lollipop consumer, and she was agitated a  _ lot _ these days. And angry. 

Guilt pin pricked her when she recalled Mary’s crestfallen face. Merlin, she didn’t mean to snap, but lately the words shot out like they’d been ejected from a flying muggle bus, or whatever they were called. It wasn’t fair to be annoyed that Mary’s world wasn’t in complete turmoil, that she could just fancy someone and talk about it all the time with no repercussions. Perhaps it was because Marlene and Mary had shared everything, but for the first time in five years, Marlene had to be alone. Her best friend could never understand. Worse than that, she could freak out and abandon her totally. So, for the millionth time in her life, Marlene talked herself into believing that lying was better than the inescapable truth.

Marlene exhaled, frustrated with her own mind. She could very well explode if she didn’t talk soon, but to  _ who?  _ Which poor soul could help her with this? 

Leaning against the far end of the counter and sticking a lemon flavoured lollipop into her mouth, she watched Peter still getting his fill of fudge as Remus assisted him in part-despair. In another life, Marlene thought she would have fancied Remus. He was quietly funny. Tall, like her, and admittedly good looking. He could have been the calm to her storm. Alas, Marlene had attempted to force herself to feel things before and it was utterly pointless. 

Remus and Peter were a funny pair to be with and Marlene was actually enjoying her morning, but there was that ever present feeling that something was off. She couldn’t just  _ enjoy _ things without a small voice in her head butting in and telling her things she already knew. 

“How goes it, Marlene?” said a voice, and Marlene looked over to see Lucy Diggory paying for her shopping, kind smile directed at her. 

“Oh - hi, Lucy,” Marlene nodded. They had been in a few classes together over the years and she was very nice, but they weren’t particularly friends. “By yourself today?”

“Nah, my friends are over there,” She gestured to the window where a few girls Marlene recognised were clustered. She did a double-take when she saw what, or more importantly,  _ who _ , they were giggling about quite obviously. 

“Oh, wow,” was all Marlene said as Lucy grabbed her change and came to stand by her. 

“Subtle, aren’t they?” Lucy laughed, shaking her head. 

Marlene couldn’t help but grin as well, for Lucy’s mates were quite clearly blushing over an oblivious Remus Lupin stood two feet away from them. Good for him.

“One of them should ask him out,” She advised. “Poor sod’s here with Pete and me.” 

Lucy looked over at that, seemingly surprised, but the expression was quickly gone and replaced with a long suffering smile. “He’s very shy,” She mused. “I can’t even tell if he likes girls.”

Marlene’s heart took a somersault dive in her chest and she stared blankly at Lucy. Merlin’s beard, she had just…  _ said  _ that. And she was completely unbothered, glancing at Marlene’s dumbfounded expression. Lucy began to frown. 

“I, uh, don’t know,” Marlene, who was never,  _ ever,  _ lost for words, had no idea what to say. “I’m not - I don’t think about that.”

With a little clarity, she realised that the world hadn’t stopped to stare at them. Honeydukes bustled on, and it hadn’t been changed by Lucy’s frankness. 

“Did that make you uncomfortable?” The Ravenclaw asked, shoulders a little straighter than before. 

Marlene finally forced out a casual laugh.  _ Ten points for being a functioning human being _ ,  _ idiot _ . 

“No.”  _ Yes _ .  _ But not for the reason you’re thinking _ . 

Lucy relaxed, and tucked her brown hair behind her ears, “Good. That would have been a shame.” She smiled and Marlene found herself smiling back. She had lovely eyes, it would have been rude not to. 

“Well, I better go. Pettigrew’s about to overdose on sugar,” Marlene cleared her throat and flicked a long curl over her shoulder. 

Lucy gave a small laugh, “See you around?” It sounded sort of hopeful. 

“Sure,” Marlene said quickly. 

Confused and smiling as she went to inspect the contents of Peter’s bag. 

“You all right?” Remus asked as she approached, smiling faintly.

Marlene brushed him off with a roll of her eyes, “I’m all right, Mother, how are you?”

Remus just huffed a laugh as they went to pay for Peter’s sweets. Marlene was somewhat disappointed to see Lucy Diggory had already gone, and it hit her that for the first time all day, she hadn’t been thinking about Mary. 

* * *

James and Mary strolled down the winding street. The little town was busy as it always was on a Hogwarts weekend and vendors were taking full advantage, displaying everything a teenager could want. James loved Hogsmeade, especially when he wasn’t having to sneak around under a cloak, but today his thoughts were elsewhere.

He’d been feeling brilliant all week. Who wouldn’t, when Lily Evans stole chips from your plate at dinner and leaned on you in the corridor to pull her socks up? This friendship was his favourite thing in the world right now, and James kept having to remind himself that  _ she _ had instigated it. He’d honestly forgotten about Hogsmeade until Mary reminded him with the air of an Auror debriefing his team on a covert mission. And now he finds out that all this time he should have been worried about Thomas  _ Brailey _ of all people? Being Lily’s friend was like having blinkers: he couldn’t  _ see  _ anybody else. She was so all-consuming to him that the world could have imploded and there’s a chance he wouldn’t notice unless it ruffled her hair. Now he was paying the price for it. 

“James, you look annoyed again,” Mary said in disapproval. “Benjy will think I am a nightmare date if he catches your face.”

James made an effort to relax his frown, which had been slowly forming over the past hour, “I just can’t believe that Brailey got a date with Evans! And he was  _ late _ . He’s got no respect.” 

“Okay, that is  _ not helping _ ,” Mary pulled James’ sleeve to lower his franticly gesturing hand. They were walking aimlessly now, having dipped in and out of a few shops with no luck bumping into Benjy. She sighed, “Look, James, you haven’t hexed anybody who’s asked her out all month. I thought you wouldn’t care about Thomas Brailey of all people!” 

James almost walked into a neatly arranged pumpkin display, “Wait, who’s been asking her out?” 

Mary laughed incredulously, “ _ Wow _ , James.” 

He coughed, rolling his neck as thought it was sore, “I mean, I wouldn’t dream of doing that anymore.”

“That was convincing,” Mary pulled a face. “Not.”

James held his hands up, “Old habits die hard.” 

“You’re doing a horrible job of lying.”

He grimaced, squinting at her, “You’re not going to tell Evans, are you?”

“What? That you still fancy the ever loving hell out of her?”

“Well, I wouldn’t word it like that.” 

Mary huffed, “No, because you’re hopeless.”

“All right!” James laughed. 

She shot him a sly smile, “Luckily for you, James Potter, I have been called a hopeless romantic.” He knew that. It was often said by Marlene with an exasperated  _ bloody  _ sandwiched in the middle. She considered him, “So, this is like some kind of reverse psychology thing - you not asking her out?” 

James grimaced, “I’m just trying to be more chilled out about it. It’s about time I respected her wishes, you know?” 

Mary let out a delicate laugh, “It only took you about a million failed attempts,” She turned her head to look at him. “It sort of worked, actually. We were  _ all _ thrown off, let alone Lily.” 

“She was thrown off?” James asked, nerves ridiculously appearing. 

“Sure,” Mary shrugged. “Rejecting you was like part of her daily routine. Wake up, eat breakfast, turn down Potter’s arrogant requests.” She glanced at him. “Sorry.”

Chuckling slightly, James waved her off, “Don’t be. I  _ was _ arrogant. I’d had a massive growth spurt,  _ other _ girls liked me and we  _ did  _ get along before…” He cringed, thinking about what he often forgot - the disappointment he used like a stepping stone to try again. And again. 

Mary smiled sympathetically, “ _ You’re _ a romantic, too. It’s our curse. I can wish you luck, but my allegiance is with Lily, obviously.” She mimed zipping her lips. 

Amused, James nodded, “We’re allies now, Mary. Though I do enjoy the idea of Benjy’s torment, why didn’t you just ask him out?”

Mary looked positively scandalised. “Not all of us enjoy rejection,” she said, shooting James a sidelong glance. 

“Very funny,” He smirked. 

A tinkling bell sounded ahead and at that moment, Benjy Fenwick made his appearance coming out of the post office with his date, Sarah Worthing. Without missing a beat, James lifted an arm and pulled Mary to his side. She felt as stiff as a wooden board against him as she began fixing her pink beret that didn’t need fixing. 

“Morning, Fenwick!” James called loudly, causing Mary to squeak.  _ Sod it, _ he thought. If he was going to do this, he was going to do it well. 

Benjy’s face broke out into a genuine smile, infuriating James. 

“James, Mary, hello!” He said cheerily, walking up to them. 

Beside him, Sarah Worthing’s smile was equally happy and she looked relaxed in her date’s company. James subtly pinched Mary, whose smile was glazed as she let out a strangled, “ _ Hello!”  _

_ Merlin _ . He was  _ not _ this bad with Lily. 

James recalled their conversation in the library, “Are we still on for that drink in The Three Broomsticks?” 

“Absolutely, we’ll see you there at midday?” Benjy asked. “I’ll try to spread the word.” 

“Us, too,” James nodded. He squeezed Mary’s shoulder and looked down at her with a fond smile. James hoped Fenwick couldn’t see his eyes telling Mary to  _ pull it together _ . “We’d best be off. I said I’d buy this dime a gift,” James winked at Benjy and Sarah, the latter giggling. 

Crap, he knew that kind of laugh. All right, maybe he needed to rein it in. 

“See you later!” Benjy and Sarah said together, weaving past them to go into Gladrags Wizardwear. 

Mary heaved a breath through her nose as soon as the couple were gone but James didn’t let go. 

“Keep walking,” He guided his dazed friend further along the street. “Have you been cursed, Mary, what the hell was that?” 

“ _ Shut up!”  _ She hissed. “Sarah is absolutely stunning, it totally threw me.” 

James laughed, shaking his head. Had she called  _ him _ hopeless? “You need to calm down, Mary. Come on, next stop, Zonko’s.” 

Mary collected herself enough to curl her lip, “I don’t go into Zonko’s.” 

“You do now.” 

* * *

Lily wouldn’t call herself a creep. Sneakily looking out the display window from behind a tall stack of books at the  _ weirdest _ interaction she’d ever seen in her life wasn’t strange. She was just  _ glancing  _ at James and Mary and the glance turned into a  _ what in the name of Merlin?  _ stare.

She watched as James led Mary down the street, tucked under his arm. They were going into Zonko’s! Mary had a very refined sense of humour, she absolutely hated the joke shop. She’d probably turn her nose up at James, Lily thought with a grim satisfaction that she instantly shook off. Maybe she was jealous because Mary was so petite under his strong arm, and she had as much spark with Thomas as a soggy piece of parchment. 

“What’s that you’re looking at?” Said her date in question, and Lily grabbed the nearest book to her idle hands in a flurry. 

“I was just going to buy this…” Lily bit back a grimace as she read the title. “ _ Piccolo for Intermediates _ .” 

Great, she now played the tiny flute. 

“Wow, do you play the piccolo?” Thomas asked and he seemed surprised.  _ You and me both, pal. _

“Mmhm,” Lily nodded, wishing the ground would open up before he asked her to play a sodding solo. “At an intermediate level.” 

_ Shut up shut up dear Merlin.  _ She felt so guilty for spying on James and Mary, even though Thomas would hardly care. Her brain was concentrating so much on the bizarre image of James snuggling Mary that her mouth was running free. Now she had to learn the piccolo. 

Thomas nodded, “I had no idea. Cool.” 

“Eh,” Lily made an offhand noise. “Do you want to go to Zonko’s?”

Thomas’ face lit up, “Great idea.”

Relieved that he agreed so readily, Lily made her way to the door, squeezing past precariously balanced displays. 

“Aren’t you going to buy your book?” Thomas reminded her. 

“Right!” Lily looked awkwardly at the book she’d been about to accidentally steal. “Er, you know what, I’ll save it for Christmas.” Placing it on the nearest table, Lily pushed the door open and stepped onto the street, wondering if instead of buying a music book, she’d be able to buy back her pride. 

Pushing open the door and stepping onto the street, she almost bumped into a group of younger Gryffindors meandering slowly. 

“Was that James Potter and Mary Macdonald? I didn’t know he’d moved on,” one of them was saying. Lily’s ears pricked unwillingly.

Another laughed, “Such a shame, I would gladly be his Lily Evans rebound.”

Lily’s mouth dropped open. The group lapsed into giggles as they began elbowing each other, blissfully unaware of her.  _ I’d like to get a few elbows in myself _ , she thought with disgust. Shocked, she watched their retreating figures, and wondered which part of their conversation she despised more. Lily swallowed with difficulty as Thomas began walking, having no choice but to follow him. 

* * *

At lunchtime, The Three Broomsticks was predictably packed. Thankfully, the unlikely trio of Remus, Peter and Marlene had been there since eleven thirty attempting to swindle mead from Madam Rosmerta, who had checked her watch in disgust and flatly refused. They’d still managed to save a substantial table in the corner of the busy pub. 

“It helped when Sirius arrived and started singing,” Marlene had informed them. “Really off-putting.” 

The bar was crowded when James spotted his favourite shade of red and accidentally on purpose ended up next to Lily and his nemesis as of this morning, Thomas Brailey. 

“All right, Evans?” He said in her ear. 

Lily jumped and whipped around to reveal accusatory eyes and a poorly concealed smile. Merlin, his heart almost stopped. Everyday now she had a new expression when she looked at him, always half amused, half exasperated, and each one he loved more than the last. 

“You really get off on scaring me, Potter,” She said in response. 

James almost choked on a laugh at her choice of words, the teenaged boy in him getting a stab to the gut. Catching his eye and realising his source of amusement, Lily blushed with a mutter of,  _ “Idiot.” _

Grinning in delight, James reached forward to place one hand on the bar to secure his place. He was leaning over Lily to do it, and he peered down at her, crowded between the worn oak of the bar and his chest. Her perfume floated up to him and he wished he was at a stage where he could wrap her up in a hug. Twisting to look up, she scowled at her predicament and he raised his eyebrows in deadly innocent questioning. 

_ You call the shots.  _

She didn’t move. Blood humming, James looked up. 

“Brailey, how’s it going?” James said loudly over Lily’s head, and the Hufflepuff boy turned, an easy smile plastered on his face. Stupid, nice, lucky son of a bitch. 

“Potter!” He glanced between James and Lily, and had the decency to look slightly awkward behind that smile. James felt a spark of satisfaction. His Fifth Year self acting out on everyone who asked Lily out had to have had  _ some  _ positive impact on his life. 

“You two having a good day?” James asked overly pleasantly, jostling Lily with the arm extended by her. 

“Great,  _ thanks, _ ” Lily said, punctuated with an elbow to his ribs. 

James hissed playfully, shaking his head down at her as she twisted her neck to look up at him.  _ Unimpressed _ would be James’ word of choice. 

“Am I embarrassing you, Evans?”

“You’re embarrassing yourself.” 

James chuckled. He loved her cheek. “Ah, well, I do that everyday,” He looked up at Thomas, pretending to whisper, “I asked the same girl out almost two hundred times.” 

“ _ Potter.”  _ Lily hissed.

To his credit, Brailey laughed, “She didn’t say yes, buddy?”

“Not once,” James winked. Without his brain really allowing permission, he encircled the arm on the bar around Lily’s shoulders, completely enveloping her small frame — just for a moment. James squeezed lightly, the scent of apple shampoo and old books that told him she’d been in the junk shop again. He almost wished he wasn’t behind her and could see her face. Perhaps not. He was blatantly ruining her date. “We’re all right, though.”

Thomas seemed urgent to flag down a bartender as he caught the eye of a short wizard pulling pints of mead. At that moment, Madam Rosmerta appeared and placed two butterbeers expectantly on the counter in front of him. She wore a knowing smile as she looked between him and Lily. 

Lily shifted, “Oh - no, we’re not…”

“Cheers, Ros,” James placed the coins in her outstretched hand. Lily spun around to face him, indignant but he pressed a bottle into her hand. “It’s just a drink, Evans,” He smirked, knowing full well it was not  _ just  _ anything to him, it never was. 

Lily relented, “Thanks, Potter.”

Thomas turned back to take her order and paused, frowning in confusion at the bottle in her hand. Before she could open her mouth, he looked up at James. James shrugged,  _ Not fast enough, mate _ , and pushed out of the throng. 

“Prongs!” Sirius called happily, his date clearly going well. Isobel was still smiling, at least. Remus and Peter grinned at him. He was glad Marlene hadn’t stolen their pure souls yet. 

James pulled out the chair Mary had saved for him and sat down. 

“Were you talking to Thomas Brailey?” Asked Peter.

“Nice lad,” Sirius took a swig from his mug, Remus nodding. 

James slid his eyes over to his mates. “He’s here with Lily,” He deadpanned. 

Sirius, Peter and Remus exchanged quick, reproachful glances.

“Oh, Merlin, we  _ hate  _ Thomas.”

“Such a prick.”

“Thomas who?”

James shoved Sirius into the other two, “All right, I get it.” 

Remus looked over, “You’re not going to charm his shoes to kick his face, are you?”

James looked sorely tempted, “As Lily’s mate I don’t think I’m allowed.”

Sirius clicked his fingers, “Aha! What would Lily’s mates do?” He lowered his voice, “Marlene?” 

The three of them glanced toward the tall blonde who was placing a bottle before Mary. 

James shook his head, “She’s already told Lily to swear off men twice this morning.”

“Figures. Alice?”

The delicate featured girl burst out laughing at the other end of the table as Hestia Jones flailed her arms in the name of storytelling. 

Remus clicked his tongue, “Nah, she’d tell Lily to give Brailey a shot.”

“Counterproductive. Mary?”

James’ date handed Marlene three huge lollipops, grinning.

This time Peter protested, “No good, she just wants to double date.”

James made a choking noise. “ _ I’m  _ Mary’s date. I can’t bloody sit there with Evans on a date with Thomas sodding Bailey.”

“It’s a shame, he’s really quite funny,” Sirius lamented. 

“ _ I know!”  _ James sighed in resignation. “He’s great. Lily will probably love him.” 

“So, I’m guessing you were just a total dick to him?” Remus speculated.

James snapped his fingers at his astute friend, grimacing, “Bingo, Moony.” 

Sirius leaned forward to clap James on the shoulder, “Did we forget already that Prongs  _ didn’t  _ hex him? That’s growth right there, and I’m proud.”

James laughed, “Thanks, mate.”

Remus snorted, “You are one percent less a jealous bastard. A toast,” He clinked his glass against James’. Sirius and Peter enthusiastically copied. 

A while later, they all sat squashed in like sardines: Marlene, Remus, Peter, Sirius, Isobel, Lily, Thomas, Alice, Frank, Hestia, Benjy, his date Sarah, and his best friend Dorcas Meadowes. 

At first, James had been disappointed when Lily hadn’t sat next to him at the table, but he was realising that directly opposite him was much better. Looking at her was considered  _ polite,  _ not ‘unnecessary’ and ‘nauseating’ (Sirius’ words) when she was across the table. And Merlin, did James like to look at Lily. 

At first, she didn’t notice. This was familiar to him from when staring at her got him hexed, and he didn’t mind. Lily swept her hair onto one shoulder and drummed her blue painted fingernails on the table as she listened to Brailey tell a story with glazed eyes. She was so effortlessly beautiful it made his bones ache, and that idiot was too busy telling inane stories about a Gobstones tournament to appreciate it. 

The next stage of looking at Lily was when she caught his eye. This typically used to be when the glaring and threats began. But now - and this was something he didn’t see himself  _ ever _ getting used to - Lily’s face instantly transformed into a smirk that lit her eyes more than anything else. There was a pattern: Looking down, then up at him, then away again. It was a routine that Lily’s  _ friend  _ James was privy to. She rolled her green eyes at him before turning her attention back to her date. 

Date. The word was a bitter reminder that although he had come leaps and impossible bounds, she was still here with somebody else. He had no idea  _ why _ , though. James wasn’t an idiot - mostly - and he thought Lily seemed about as interested in Thomas Brailey as she was in forming a dance troupe. But he couldn’t get ahead of himself. Her friendship was more valuable to him than anything. As much as he fancied her and wanted to kiss her stupidly pretty mouth, James loved hanging out with her. She was  _ funny _ , and barking mad. So he’d be happy with whatever she gave him, but… he couldn’t miss the chance to let her know that he was a million times better for her than the Braileys of the world. 

Emerald eyes danced back in his direction and James couldn’t help but grin. He was rewarded with a freckle specked blush. Yeah, James loved being her friend. 

“...That’s cool that you’re in the school orchestra, Dorcas,” Alice was saying to the shy Ravenclaw.

Dorcas smiled gratefully, “Yeah, it’s fun.”

“She’s great!” Benjy added, elbowing his mate who turned crimson and brushed him off. 

Thomas turned to Lily, “I’m surprised you’re not in the orchestra.”

James watched Lily’s eyes comically widen and he could barely suppress a laugh. Why in Merlin’s name would she be in the orchestra? 

“What?” Mary asked, irritated at being left out of the loop. “Lily doesn’t- ”

Marlene, jaw working in an effort not to smile, jumped in over Mary’s big mouth. “Oh yeah, we just  _ love  _ it when Lily plays the… uh…” She raised a pointed brow at Lily.

Now equally mortified and mutinous at her mates’ matching smirks, Lily cleared her throat. “The, uh, piccolo.”

This time, it was hard for the group to smother their cackles, and Sirius snorted. 

“Oh, the  _ piccolo!”  _ Marlene nodded, blinking away tears of repressed mirth. “Our Lily is just  _ so  _ bloody talented at the  _ piccolo!” _ She clamped her lips shut then, to stop a real laugh escaping.

Even Alice was giggling, and she buried her face in Frank’s shoulder to hide it. Thomas Brailey laughed uneasily in confusion, seemingly happy to take credit for a joke he didn’t know he’d made. 

“When she really gets going on those strings, it’s tough to keep your emotions together,” Sirius agreed, delight at being able to shit-stir lighting up his face. James bit his cheek to keep from grinning as Lily shot incredulous daggers at Padfoot. 

A crease appeared between Brailey’s eyebrows. “Strings? Isn’t the piccolo a-”

“Would you grab me a drink, please, Thomas?” Lily interrupted him, eyes fluttering sweetly. 

He jumped up, happy to oblige. “Absolutely.” James could have rolled his eyes. 

Fenwick joined him. Slightly more keyed in, he clapped Brailey on the back in faint amusement. The sniggering broke out as soon as the two of them disappeared into the throng at the bar. 

Lily threw a coaster at Sirius’ face, which he expertly dodged. “ _ Strings?”  _ She demanded. “The piccolo is a sodding wind instrument, Sirius.”

“You would know, Lil,” Remus said, eyes sparkling. 

Marlene wipes her eyes as she lapses into another fit of laughter, “Our piccolo player. Piccolist? Pickle?”

“Honestly, how the hell did that come up?” Alice asked through giggles. 

Lily suddenly straightened and tucked her hair behind both ears, “Just a misunderstanding. It happens!”

“I’ve told lies a  _ lot  _ worse than that on dates,” Hestia mused, tapping her glass. 

“Thank you, Hestia,” Lily said, pointedly glaring at her Sixth Year mates. 

Isobel Alvarez tore her eyes from Sirius’ deteriorating laughing fit to speak. “I’m guessing you don’t play the piccolo, Lily.”

Across the table, James watched as Lily pulled a face, expertly avoiding his eye. Oh no, if everybody got to tease her, he was next in line. This was the first time since this morning that she’d been  _ sans  _ date, and James was a man of opportunity.

* * *

Lily could feel James’ stare on her like a scorch mark. His eyes had been two heated lasers trained on her face for the better part of an hour. He was concentrating so much on making fun of her that Mary had been completely abandoned. Lily would have felt bad if her friend had been able to peel her eyes off Benjy. Was there date going as poorly as hers was? Was that  _ satisfaction _ blooming in her chest? Merlin, she was unsettled. 

Sliding her gaze to James, Lily wasn’t surprised to see his patient smirk. She held up a hand. 

“Shut up,” She warned preemptively. 

“I’m sorry, lying to our date, are we?” 

Lily tried to look innocent, “You don’t know that it’s a lie!” 

He raised an eyebrow at that, “I think I do, Evans.” Eyes sparkling with mirth, his smirk turned into a light smile. “If you’d have gone out with me, I’d never have made you so bored you started making shit up.” 

Lily rolled her eyes, but it was an effort to cover up the skip of her heartbeat. He was so cavalier about it! It was unfair, really. “Yes, yes, you’re very interesting. And hey,” She leaned over and smacked his arm. “I wasn’t  _ bored _ !” 

James rubbed at his bicep as though she’d hurt him, but his stifled laughter gave him away, “I saw the way your eyes glazed over when he talked about wanting to work in the Department of Magical Transportation.” 

“Stop looking at me, then,” Lily quipped. 

Hazel eyes flashed, and James leaned in with a secret smile, “You make it very hard.” 

Bloody tease. She had never let herself interact with his playful side much before this year, and she realised what a shame that was. He got that look in his eye that made you want to grin before he even spoke, like you were in on some brilliant joke. Lily refused to lean back when the instinct pulled at her. She couldn’t let him win this little game, even if it was only her playing. 

“You’re making my  _ life _ very hard, Potter,” She said snarkily. They were leaned together like co-conspirators plotting somebody’s demise, and Lily briefly wondered what the hell they must look like to other people. Ruby Greengrass and the group of girls on the street was an unwelcome guest in her mind. 

James let out a pleased chuckle that banished the thought as his minty breath washed over her. Hm. Merlin, why couldn’t her senses cope when he was close like that? 

“But I’m not boring you,” James whispered with a pointed quirk of his eyebrows, before leaning back in his chair. Lily felt confusingly misplaced with the distance between them and recovered just in time as Thomas plopped himself beside her.

Lily gratefully (and somewhat guiltily) accepted her drink, and took a long sip. 

No, James certainly did not bore her. She liked his company and his stupid jokes. Most worryingly, she liked when she caught him looking at her. Lily made an effort to keep her face neutral as she wrapped her hands around the bottle of butterbeer. James would hit the roof from gloating if he found out and worst of all - she wouldn’t hate it. Lily would damn laugh. 

Thomas angled his body toward her and oh  _ Merlin,  _ she kept forgetting he existed. Marlene winked from over his shoulder, not bothering to hide her smug smile. 

“Whereabouts is everyone heading this afternoon?” Asked Frank, Alice tucked into his side as content as a cat. 

“Back to the castle,” Hestia announced glumly, shooting an irritated glance at the Head Boy as though it was his fault. 

Lily frowned, “Where  _ is  _ Emmeline?” She’d been so busy ignoring Potter’s scrutiny that she hadn’t noticed the absence of their favourite Ravenclaw. 

“She finally bagged that date with Gideon Prewett,” her best friend answered. 

Hestia accepted a high five from Marlene, who said, “Being ditched by your mates for a cheap snog is  _ not  _ a classy move.” 

Holy crap. Had Mary kissed James? Why was she such a flipping idiot? People didn’t go on dates for a bloody high five. Lily’s eyes flicked to James before she could think about it. His eyebrows were knitted as he shot an annoyed glance at Marlene. Annoyed for revealing a secret?  _ For Merlin’s sake, Lily.  _ Kissing your date was a pretty normal thing to do. It would be weird if they  _ didn’t _ . No. Ew. Her brain quickly constructed a wall against that disturbing image and the curdling in her gut it provoked. 

Mary’s nostrils flared, “I read that bitterness ages you, Mar.”

“I’m just proud you can read, sweet thing,” Marlene bit back, her vapid smile full of intent. 

Lily and Alice glanced at each other in weary surprise as Mary glared back before remembering she was in public. 

“That’s enough, guys,” Alice said gently. 

Thank Merlin for Hestia, who breezed past the moment. “You should come back with me, Marlene. I have this facial that apparently makes your skin  _ literally  _ glow.” 

The venom left Marlene’s tone as she nodded, “Thanks, Jonesy, I will.” 

For five years, Marlene and Mary’s forte had been loving irritation, their arguments frequent but short lived. This sparked between the table like real anger, just like this morning, and Lily scrambled in her mind to what she could have missed. Guilt nipped at her insides. She’d been so antsy about being James’ friend that her other friends seemed to be coming apart at the seams. At least Alice’s eyes mirrored her own confusion. 

Lily stood up, “I’m going to the loo.”

“Thank you, Evans, for the update,” Sirius said sincerely. Ignoring him, she rounded the table to grab Marlene’s elbow. Her friend let out a dramatic sigh before allowing herself to be led through the packed pub. After years of playing this game, Lily knew Alice would deal with Mary. 

The noisy din muted as the heavy oak door swung shut behind them in the bathroom. 

“Gah, Lily, you didn’t have to pinch my skin!” Marlene protested, leaning against the sink.

Lily folded her arms, “Didn’t I? You’re being mean to Mary.”

The blonde rolled her eyes. “I’m always mean to Mary.”

“No,” Lily said. “You’re being  _ actually  _ mean to Mary. She’s just on a bloody date, Marlene! You’re acting like she’s kicked you in the stomach and joined a cult.”

“Oh, relax, Lil. I’m just trying to save her from clear heartbreak,” Marlene argued. 

Lily’s brows knitted together, scepticism colouring her face. “You think James is going to hurt her?” 

Marlene snorted, before collecting herself, “Right, James,” She said. Before Lily could follow up with a question, she fixed her with a pointed stare. “James  _ is  _ a heartbreaker, you know. Every single girl who was in love with him whilst he chased after you can back me up on that.” 

Lily’s pulse skittered and she huffed a nervous laugh, “Don’t change the subject.”

Marlene groaned, whirling to the mirror to fix the red headband. “I have said all I can about that boy-crazy witch.”

“You didn’t say  _ Alice  _ was boy crazy when she started going out with Frank.” 

“Alice is a rational human being! You know that Mary needs taking care of.”

Marlene was rolling her wand in her hands, and Lily’s eyes zoned in on her friend’s nervous habit. She let out a breath, taking a gentler tone. 

“I know you’re protective of Mary. But she’s trying to figure out the mess of having feelings for people just like the rest of us.”

Marlene offered her a look, “Mary is sure about everything.” 

Lily snorted. “She’s sure when she has  _ your  _ backing.” 

Her friend softened at that, and Lily knew she felt guilty. She also seemed… deflated. Had she seriously not noticed before? Her friend had been more scathing lately, but Lily just assumed that was the stress of their ever growing N.E.W.T. workload. 

“You think I should buy a hat for her and James’ wedding then?” Marlene joked gently. 

“You’re not the mother of the bride or groom, so no,” Lily pointed out. 

She bit her lip as Marlene chuckled, feeling slightly guilty. Why would she expect Marlene to come to her when Lily herself wasn’t willing to share her own mess of feelings? 

So, in a small voice, Lily said, “I’m holding off on buying an outfit for that wedding myself.” 

Her chest felt tight with the effort it had taken to let that little emission pass her lips. She wasn’t only being truthful to Marlene, but herself. She  _ wanted  _ to support James and Mary, but she would honestly have better luck trying to breathe underwater. 

Marlene’s blue eyes jumped to hers, understanding and a little surprise within them. Lily nodded in confirmation, muscles loosening. What was a small vulnerability exchange amongst old friends? 

“It’s weird,” Marlene’s nose wrinkled, and Lily covered her face with a hand. 

“ _ Really  _ weird.” She agreed with immense relief. 

The two girls lapsed into giggles that echoed in the bathroom, shaking their heads. Marlene’s laugh faded first, and she began rolling her wand in her palms again. 

“Lily?” 

“Yeah?”

Lily smiled at her, ready for her mate to unload and maybe then she could sack off Thomas Brailey. 

Marlene’s mouth opened. 

The door banged open and Isobel Alvarez walked in, blinking in surprise at Lily and Marlene stood by the sinks. 

“Oh! Hestia’s heading off now, Marlene. She’s waiting for you,” The pretty Ravenclaw said. 

Lily swung her head to look back at Marlene, who suddenly launched into action, flicking her hair over her shoulder. 

“Mar, you want me to come?” 

Whatever her friend had been about to say had been stolen along with the moment, and she now moved like she’d been hit by a strong  _ Stupefy _ . 

“No, Lil, don’t worry,” She smiled brightly, flustered. “You can babysit me later.”

Lily began to argue but Marlene marched from the bathroom in a whirlwind of blonde hair, leaving her to stare at the swinging door back into the pub. Isobel shrugged and walked into a stall. Slightly whiplashed, Lily blinked and hurried after her. 

The group had all but dispersed as Lily followed Marlene back to the table. Hestia came up to them, relief obvious on her face. 

“Ready to ditch, Marlene?” She asked. 

Marlene nodded, “ _ Merlin,  _ yes.”

Lily marvelled at her transformation back into her bolshy self. The concern must have been clear, because Marlene reached over to squeeze her hand once. 

“Marlene-”

“I’ll see you later, Lil,” Her eyes looked beyond Lily’s shoulder before meeting her gaze again. “Promise me you’ll do what  _ you  _ want to do this afternoon.” 

Lily rolled her eyes, “I promise,” She pointed a finger, “This isn’t over!”

A flicker of the same vulnerability washed through Marlene, but it was gone as soon as it appeared. She placed a smacking kiss on Lily’s cheek. 

“Bye, Red.”

Lily wiggled her fingers in a sardonic wave as Marlene and Hestia navigated through the crowd and out the pub, a crease between her eyebrows. She would get to the bottom of whatever the hell that was. 

Watching them leave, Lily’s eyes snagged on James, hand on his chest as he threw his head back with laughter at something Sirius was saying. A funny feeling zipped through her at his unbridled happiness, and she felt the corners of her mouth turn upwards. 

“What’s so funny?” 

Mary was at her elbow, and Lily practically jumped out of her skin. Crap, she was  _ definitely  _ blushing. Why was she feeling constantly guilty today? James was her  _ mate _ . 

“Nothing!” Lily assured her, and Mary pursed her lips. 

Shrugging, her friend glanced at the door, “Did Marlene leave?” 

“Yeah.”

“Whatever,” Mary suddenly grinned. “Benjy is going to show me the best way to shop a Gladrags’ sale,” She paused, eyes narrowing. “And Sarah.” 

“You’re crashing their date?” Lily glanced at James, who was oblivious as he spoke animatedly to the other Marauders. She bit back another smile; he could be reciting his textbook list and he’d do it with charisma. “What about your date?”

Mary waved her hand distractedly, “James is fine with it.”

“Wow,” Lily’s eyes darted to him once more. 

“I know, Gladrags  _ never  _ have discounts!” 

“Not the sale, Mary.” 

“Oh. Well, if you care so much,  _ you  _ hang out with him,” Mary raised an expectant eyebrow. 

Lily scoffed, betraying herself by glancing at him once more. Hazel eyes were already on her, and James gave her a half-smirk. Feeling her face heat in embarrassment, Lily snapped her attention back to Mary. 

“I am on a date myself, thank you,” Lily said primly. “Have fun at the sodding sale, Mare.” 

A smile lit up her face, “I will.” 

After Mary, Benjy and Sarah left, Sirius and Isobel quickly followed along with Alice and Frank. Dorcas Meadowes was somewhat surprisingly engaged in conversation with Billy McKinnon, and at that point Lily knew she had to make herself known to Thomas again. 

As they sat down at a smaller booth by the windows, Lily was aware that it was the same table she and James had chaperoned Alice and Frank’s date. Ignoring the memory of her shouting at him, it’d been her first  _ real _ conversation with James in a year. Since he’d decided he fancied her. 

Awkwardly, Lily cleared her throat. She shouldn’t be thinking about her friend on a date with somebody else.

“What Quidditch team do you support?” Thomas asked, bringing her back from that night. 

“Holyhead Harpies,” Lily answered instantly. Thomas hesitated, and she prompted, “The all women’s team from Wales.”

“Right! The girls’ squad.”

Irritation prickled underneath her skin. “The all women’s team,” she said again. 

From the corner of her eye, Lily watched Remus and Peter get up from their table, clearly waving goodbye to James. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Thomas scrambled. 

James’ back was to her, and Lily could only glance at his broad shoulders. Was he going to sit alone? Just then, two girls approached his table, shameless giggling ensuing. Lily turned back to Thomas, a bitter taste in her throat. Of course, he wasn’t going to spend the afternoon alone. He was James Potter, and as everyone loved to remind her, people adored him. 

“More power to them,” Thomas was saying. “The girls, I mean. They should do what they want.” 

Lily finally focussed on him, then.  _ Promise me you’ll do what you want to do this afternoon,  _ Marlene had said. She exhaled and Thomas stopped his rambling, eyes widening in surprise at her new intense stare. It was probably the most attention she’d paid all day. 

“Are you okay, Lily?”

Was she? She had forced herself on a date she had no interest in because she suddenly felt like a loser that the boy who used to fancy her was going on a date and she wasn’t. 

And she’d dragged this poor boy into it. 

“I’m really, really sorry, Thomas,” She pulled a face. “I’m going to have to bail.” 

“What?” 

“This isn’t working. Right? You feel that it isn’t working, too, right?” Lily implored. 

“I-” He was genuinely baffled. “I thought you were nervous.” 

Lily shook her head, awkwardness crawling up her spine. “Nervous? No.”

Thomas took a sip of his drink, “Potter’s been breathing down both our necks, I figured it was that.” 

Lily stopped cringing as a spark of anger flared, “It’s not Potter! He hasn’t even done anything.” 

Thomas let out a bitter laugh, “He’s always looking at you, Lily! I heard he was finished with you, that’s why I asked, but he’s been  _ staking his claim _ all day.”

Biting back a noise of disgust, Lily grabbed her bag, “ _ Finished  _ with me? I’m not sodding  _ lunch _ , Thomas.” 

“Wait! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like  _ that _ .”

Lily rolled her eyes, “I no longer care.” She turned on her heel but paused to whirl back and face him. Hope arose in his face and she said smartly, “And I don’t play the piccolo.”

She didn’t know where she was marching to until she landed by James’ table. She didn’t even care that Thomas saw, and he’d think he was right. James was her  _ friend _ , damn it. Lily’s eyes landed on the girls at the table. There were now  _ six _ , batting six sets of eyelashes. Shit. 

“Hi, Lily!” Said a couple of them who she recognised. 

“Hey,” She smiled limply in response.

Lily looked at James, and for a moment his jaw was tense, eyes hard, but then he smiled at her and she had no idea if she’d seen anything at all. Now she was here, she felt like an idiot. She’d have to amble away from his table and find a hole to die of embarrassment in. 

“All right, Evans?” James asked, tone light with an underlying sincerity. He must have heard, but instead of the embarrassment Lily expected to feel, she just felt relieved. His eyes were warm, and Lily knew he wouldn’t let her down. 

_ Promise me you’ll do what you want to do this afternoon _ .

“I’m free,” Lily announced. “I heard you might be, too.”

James eyes’ narrowed playfully, “I might be.”

The girls at the table were whispering amongst themselves, but swapped annoyed glanced at that. 

“I guess you might want me to leave you alone with your friends…” Lily said carefully, shooting them a weak smile.

James asked, “Do you want to leave me alone with them?”

_ No. _

_ “ _ Not my business.”

“My business can be your business,” James said earnestly, a laugh on his lips. 

With a scoff, Lily slid onto the bench beside him, forcing him to move along. Smugly, she saw that it took him by surprise. 

“Ha ha, Potter,” She lowered her voice, like she was a spy sent to whisk him away. “Do you want to be saved or not?”

James cleared his throat, eyes darting to the small gap between their thighs. He matched her lowered tone, “Absolutely.”

Merlin, she sort of  _ was _ in his business, sitting facing him like that. His tanned face had a few freckles on his nose, extremely faint. Huh. Her palms were getting clammy. 

“Now we just need…” She said quietly. “A bigger bimbo than you.”

With a sidelong glance, she could tell the other girls were trying to listen  _ and _ have their own conversations. Thank Merlin for this loud pub. 

“Evans?”

“Yeah?”

Her eyes flicked back to his, just in time for his own to flick back  _ up _ . Her skin felt hot. 

“When you said bimbo,” James practically whispered. “You meant stud, right?”

Lily rolled her eyes, suddenly wanting to laugh, before turning to the bar and saying loudly, “Billy, you’re having a chugging contest with  _ who?”  _

Marlene’s brother looked over in enthusiastic confusion, but Lily only had time to seize James by the arm and pull him from the table as his admirers turned to Billy in interest. 

“Enjoy the show!” She said merrily. Lily heard the firm, “ _ No!”  _ from Madam Rosmerta before she and James fled the pub. 

Safely outside, James laughed at Lily. “He is going to take that suggestion to heart, you know.”

“I know,” Lily assured him, very aware of her hand still clutching his arm. Unbidden, a memory followed of the last time she stood in this very doorway with James, and the way he’d grabbed her hand in the dark. And barely an hour ago, when he’d hugged her one armed from behind. He was unexplainably always warm and smelled lovely, and Lily had very nearly curled her arms around the one of his that squeezed her shoulders. She just… she  _ liked  _ hugs. And James, with his enveloping heat, unsurprisingly gave the best. 

_ Merlin _ ,  _ you’re embarrassing,  _ she thought,  _ it was a two second hug with one bloody arm. _

James watched as Lily let go of him like she’d been stung, squinting down at her with a faint smile in the fresh afternoon sun. She was unsettled by how quickly an embarrassed smile formed in response. Lily’s eyes darted away to take in the bustling street. 

“I have no idea what to think,” He said, hand jumping through his hair. Lily smiled at his tell.

“What do you mean?”

“ _ You _ took  _ me  _ from my date, Evans. In Hogsmeade,” He gestured around them. “A place you once swore you’d never go with me.”

“Your date had already ditched you,” Lily countered. “Maybe I feel sorry for you.”

Her stomach erupted in flutters when he looked at her, eyes softly narrowed. “Then I love it when you pity me. Never stop,” He said so sincerely and dramatically, Lily burst out laughing. 

“That should be easy, sad sack,” Lily wrung her hands, peering into the shop windows instead of looking at him as she admitted, “I would just rather hang out with you.” Her cheeks were twin flames, and she didn’t even look to gage his reaction before asking, “Where shall we go?” 

James grinned, “Aw, come on, Evans. You whined about it three times at lunch. We’re going to Scrivenshaft's before you have a heart attack.”

“ _ Whined?  _ I don’t  _ whine _ ,” Lily complained, even as she led the way with a smile heated by the warmth that James still paid ruthless attention to her. 

“You do,” James countered happily, falling into step with her. “Like a cat.” He nudged her. “I think it’s cute, though.”

Lily refused to look at him. “Potter,” she warned.

With a beguiled sigh, James added, “Remus, another friend of mine, is also  _ very  _ cute. Happy?”

Lily realised with no small significance that she  _ was  _ happy. The happiest she’d been all day. She opted for shoving him, and James gracefully pretended it hurt.

“You are so ridiculous,” Lily laughed before sliding her eyes to meet his crinkled, troublemaker ones. “I think it’s cute, though.” 

His delighted laugh startled several witches who passed by, but Lily only really noticed the double take they took at him. Worrying her lip, Lily turned away from them.  _ Obviously  _ people thought he was attractive.  _ She  _ thought he was handsome. No- 

Hang on. Wait. 

Crap.

_ That’s perfectly normal, _ she thought to herself. She could say her mates were good looking. It was no different to calling Alice pretty.

Lily chanced another glance at James with his strong frame, angled jaw and lovely, kind, teasing eyes, and knew that yes, there  _ was  _ a difference. It just wasn’t something that she cared to identify on a sunny afternoon when he was smiling at her like that.

****  
  



	7. James and the Click

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Lily spend proper time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YALL FOR 1200 HITS!   
> I cannot believe it's been a MONTH. Massive apologies. However, this chapter is like seven pages longer on word than all the others. It's a super Jily-centric one, but somehow I don't think you, as Jily fans, will be mad about it.  
> BIG thank yous to BrazilianWriter, Meg, nineandthreequarters, Nina, lightningthief and meringuepie17 for your lovely words on chapter six, I'm blown away.  
> Also to everyone messaging me on tumblr, you are the best. Come chat to me - deadlysansa. I often word vomit about fic ideas and I love interacting with yall about it. Fanfiction is quite literally fanservice after all!  
> Ok I'll shut up now.

In Schrivenshaft’s Quill Shop, Lily tried to reign in the excitement she felt at the prospect of new stationary. She’d already bought an elegant scarlet quill and now skimmed a hand along the perfectly bound leather notebooks as James inspected the vast array of inks.

Glancing over at him, she watched as he lifted a clear pot filled with crimson ink to his nose and sniffed. She snorted lightly as his hazel eyes lifted to meet hers sheepishly. 

“This is supposedly flavoured ink,” James offered in explanation, depositing it back onto the shelf quickly. “Smells like strawberries.” Lily continued to watch with a bewildered smile as his eyes snagged on a vivid green ink. Bringing the pot to his nose, the corners of his mouth flicked up. “Apples, like your shampoo.” 

Lily’s cheeks instantly warmed, and she looked away with a laugh like a knee-jerk reaction. It was so strangely sweet of him and she didn’t know why she was still surprised by it. It was something she was learning was typical of James, to come out with frank comments like that, like it was nothing to pay attention to people the way he did. 

She abandoned the notebooks to pluck the pot from his hand with a smirk, “Just don’t drink it.”

James laughed at her cheek, wondering why he’d let it slip at all. Her reaction made him impulsively let a tendril of red hair slip through his thumb and forefinger like he’d done once before. Lily inhaled slightly sharply. 

“Apple ink and vodka martinis are off the menu,” James pretended to sigh. He took the inkpot back from her. “But I’m buying it.”

“Really?” Lily raised a brow. “James Potter, a flavoured ink man.”

James flashed her a winning smile that had Lily wanting to ask him if it was  _ because  _ or  _ despite _ of her shampoo. He flipped the pot in his hand with ease - thanks to his Quidditch skills - making Lily’s stomach clench for the heartbeat it was in the air. 

“James!” 

He took off to the cashier with a wink. “I’m very layered, Evans.” 

“ _ Show off,”  _ Lily hissed at his retreating back. But instead of scowling, she smiled. 

Buying apple scented ink because it smelled like Lily’s shampoo would, to anybody else, scream  _ I fancy you!  _ But James was under the impression that Lily thought he was just ridiculous and particular about his ink rather than besotted by her. He seemed to be getting away with painstakingly obvious mistakes about being cool around her. Honestly, he didn’t know if he should be insulted by Lily thinking he’d just get over her like that. He thought he’d made his intentions pretty clear last year. Of course, then he’d get irrationally angry that nobody had ever made her feel as irresistible as she was to him. 

A queue had formed behind him, and having paid for his ink, James turned to see a group of younger Gryffindor girls. Four beaming smiles greeted him. Slightly amused, James sidled past. 

“All right?” He said absently. 

“Great, thanks, James,” One of them answered brightly. 

A slender arm hooked on his elbow and Lily’s warmth pressed against him. James looked down in shock, but she didn’t look up at him. She only smiled at the girls in the queue as she hung onto his arm. They looked as confused as James felt.

“You should  _ move on _ in the queue,” Lily prompted. “You wouldn’t want to  _ rebound  _ to the back.”

James suppressed a laugh at the Prefect tone in Lily’s voice and the total nonsense coming out of her mouth. She could say whatever she liked with her arm in his, to be honest. James thought she fit against him rather perfectly. 

For whatever reason, the girls blushed and actually moved past James and Lily to pay for their things, casting glances between them. 

Lily  _ hmphed  _ as though she was content with that outcome, and went to pull her arm from his. James tightened his arm and covered the pale hand on his sleeve with his. Her eyes finally met his and she narrowed them. 

“Any chance you don’t like those girls, Evans?” He asked teasingly, leading them from the shop. It seemed best she was as far from the offenders as possible. 

“I barely know them,” Lily told him, glance darting between where her hand rested on him and the people winding their way along the street. She hesitated, “I heard them talking about you earlier.”

He had not expected  _ that _ . James watched Lily arrange her face carefully - she seemed to be holding something back. 

“Okay… I don’t really care what some random girls say about me, Evans,” He said honestly. 

“Well,  _ I  _ care!” She protested, waving her free hand around in frustration, and James’ heart lifted in tandem with his eyebrows. “You’re my mate, and they were talking about you like a piece of meat, James.”

Lily cast a furtive look at him to gage his reaction, but he wiggled his eyebrows, “Are you telling me I’m a hot commodity around these parts?” Seeing she was distressed and realising his hand still covered hers, he squeezed it and jostled her lightly. “Hey, Evans, you shouldn’t give a sod about them. Not because of me anyway.”

Lily stopped, halting him too. She looked up at him, those emerald eyes sharp and he felt like he was in a bloody postcard. As though she was slowing time in the chill air on the cobbled street and it was only him and her, arms linked and gazes locked - if only for a moment. 

“Why not because of you?” Lily asked. “If you want to watch my back then I’m watching yours,” she spoke with so much clarity that James felt a little in awe. He never really saw himself as someone who needed looking out  _ for _ . She narrowed her eyes in memory, “And I don’t like the way those girls spoke about you.”

Something tugged in James’ gut, and he swallowed a gushing reply. Honestly, now he knew she cared what the girls had said, he had moved past not caring into  _ dying to know _ . He must have sniffed the apple scented ink too vigorously, if he seriously hoped that Lily cared out of jealousy. 

_ Calm down, idiot _ . Too much, too soon. So he bit his tongue and frowned, “Hang on a minute, Evans. I got a bat bogey hex to the face when I did this for you!”

Lily let out an annoyed groan and began walking again. “You were trying to… date me! Your intentions were  _ not  _ pure.”

James could hardly argue that that was  _ partly  _ true. “So we shared a common goal. But most of them were disrespectful gits and I am never going to sit and let that slide.” He said seriously. Lily felt a pinch in her chest and she curled her fingers more securely around his arm. James’ eyes crinkled. “But yeah, also because I’m better than them in every single way and I thought you ought to know.”

Lily snorted. “You are just so humble, Potter. How did I ever call you an egotistical fathead?”

“Ah, you always managed. How does it feel to give in to my charms?”

“Nauseating,” she deadpanned. 

Lily rolled her eyes at his perfectly lopsided smile. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t pleased at how James didn’t care about what those Gryffindors had said. She had grown extraordinarily protective of him. That was Lily’s trouble - she did nothing in halves. 

She had no excuse for not pulling her arm free because James would let go if she asked. Truthfully, she was enjoying the closeness it granted her. How was his body temperature always just right for warming her up? Lily was only normal - sort of - and who wouldn’t want a personal radiator? So instead she tugged him along the busy street, musing where to go next. 

* * *

In an almost deserted Gryffindor Common Room, Marlene and Hestia both sat sprawled on opposite facing cosy armchairs. 

“I can feel my skin tingling. I hope that’s normal.” Marlene commented on the matching iridescent blue face masks they wore.

“Let’s just say yes because mine is too.”

Marlene snorted and they lapsed back into silence. It was nice to chill out with somebody different for a change, and right now she felt like she needed all the separation she could get from her best friends. Especially Lily, who could read her like an open book sometimes. Marlene cringed when she thought about what she’d almost blurted in the Three Broomsticks’ toilets. She still hadn’t decided if she was grateful or frustrated that Isobel had barged in like that. 

She sighed and let her eyes drift shut. She still had to deal with a concerned Lily later, and she just didn’t  _ want _ to feel guilty about hiding something as well as everything else. 

“I am really surprised you didn’t have a date today,” Hestia broke the silence. 

Barely suppressing a groan, Marlene’s eyes flicked open a slither. She looked at Hestia, “You didn’t have one either. Aren’t you sick of people assuming you want to go on a date all the time?” Hestia shrugged and Marlene sat up suddenly. “Take Remus and Peter, for example.  _ They  _ didn’t have dates and nobody harassed them! The double standard does my bloody head in.”

“I’m sorry, Marlene,” Hestia hastily sat up, too. “I just meant that you’re gorgeous and the whole school thinks so, too.”

Marlene blew out a breath. “I don’t care what the whole school thinks,” she said bitterly. She annoyingly only cared about what one person thought about her, and that girl was currently running around after Benjy damn Fenwick. 

Unbidden, Lucy Diggory’s smile flitted through her mind. Marlene stilled, as though Hestia was a legilimens expert.  _ That  _ was new.

“No, I’m sorry, Hestia,” Marlene insisted, clearing her throat. “You’re being nice, I’m just a headcase.”

“You’re honest,” Hestia waved her off, resting back down. “I like it.”

Marlene resisted the urge to scoff. She had never been so dishonest in her life. 

The portrait hole swung open and Marlene’s best friend marched through. Mary’s curls were still windswept, and the outside air brought a deep flush to her dark skin. She was always so effortlessly beautiful, at least to Marlene. Mary’s eyes immediately sought hers and she huffed out an annoyed breath. It didn’t stop her from squashing onto the tiny corner of Marlene’s armchair that was free, and the blonde felt the tightness in her chest ease. 

They were fine.

Hestia’s gaze flitted toward Marlene with hesitancy, but Marlene merely rolled her eyes and made an effort to ignore the warmth of Mary resting on her legs. 

“You’re back early,” Marlene said slowly after a poignant silence. “Where’s James?”

Mary pulled at at a thread on her cardigan. “I sort of ditched him to hang out with Benjy.” She paused and Marlene’s heart twisted in jealousy. “And Sarah Worthing.” 

Her jaw dropped open. Hestia did a double take. 

“What a normal thing to do,” Marlene said sarcastically. “Honestly, woman, where’s your dignity?” 

Hestia whistled. “Wow, Mary, you are cutthroat.” 

“I merely saw an opportunity and took it!” The girl in question protested, making Marlene laugh out loud. 

“You went on a fake date with James to test if your best friend would care and then abandoned him to start a three way relationship. You’re a bloody minx.” 

Hestia giggled but Mary blushed from the base of her neck all the way to her hairline, sputtering indignantly, “It was not a  _ three way _ , Marlene.” 

Marlene nodded placatingly, thoroughly enjoying her friend’s squeamishness. “Whatever you say. Tell us what happened at this bizarre  _ non _ -three way, then.”

Mary pulled off her beret with a pout. “First you have to promise not to say  _ anything  _ along the lines of  _ I told you so _ .” 

“I’m going,” Hestia assured her, getting out of the chair with her palms up. “Better wash my face off.”

Mary smiled fleetingly at her before turning to Marlene. “I’m talking about this one.”

The blonde gave her best shot at serene innocence, but neither of the other two girls were buying it. Hestia winked as she disappeared up the staircase to the girls’ dormitories. The Seventh Year clearly had noticed the confrontation in the pub, and was doing as people always did with Marlene and Mary. Giving them  _ space.  _

With a sigh, Marlene dropped the face and leaned on one arm to look at Mary. “How did Benjy reveal his total lack of personality to you?” 

Mary elbowed her with some difficulty, but didn’t move from her armchair. “It wasn’t  _ Benjy!  _ It was bloody Sarah Worthing. She told me I shouldn’t date him.”

Marlene’s first thought was,  _ thank you, Sarah Worthing. _

Outwardly, she just pinched the bridge of her nose. “You crashed her date, Mary. You’re lucky I haven’t been rude about how mental that is - because it is.” 

Only Mary would do something so left field to get what she wanted. It both terrified and impressed Marlene. 

Mary glared back at her. “That wasn’t  _ it.  _ She was, like, warning me.”

“Uh,  _ duh,”  _ Marlene rolled her eyes. “You’re probably going to get an engorgement charm to the head if you’re not careful.” 

Mary clutched her face in horror. “Stop it, Marlene! I’m serious, she said it  _ wasn’t in my best interests _ . Like she’s his secretary!”

“Maybe you should listen to her,” she shrugged. Maybe then Marlene would stop getting the urge to thump him. 

“As if,” Mary barked a laugh. “Everyone knows Sarah is a conniving schemer.”

Marlene’s bubble of hope went out like a light. She pressed her lips together and shot back pointedly, “On an unrelated note, how  _ did  _ it work out with James and Lily today?”

Mary’s eyes flickered in annoyance, but her passion for meddling won out. She shrugged with the heavy burden of it all. 

“When I left Lily was going back to her date with Thomas even though James was free. She hasn’t even been  _ that _ funny with me. I hate to say it-”

“You don’t.”

“-But maybe she was just concerned as a friend.”

Marlene wanted to argue. After all, despite yearning for her best friend all day, she noticed Lily’s struggle to keep her attention on her date and not James. But Mary was resolute. She could be stubborn when she felt wounded already, and clearly Sarah Worthing  _ had  _ wounded her. She knew Mary’s crazy ass was in the wrong, but she no longer liked Sarah one bit. 

“Your face is glowing,” Mary said abruptly. Marlene’s blue eyes met her dark ones that wondered her tingling skin and her heart tripped up. Damn glow up face mask, she thought. Is this what it would be like if Mary could feel the same way? How she’d look at her? 

Marlene touched a hand to her cheek. “Aha! I should have taken this off five minutes ago, I’m completely numb.”

“Marlene!” Mary laughed, torn between horror and amusement. She stood and pulled her by the hand. Marlene was determined not to let her stare linger where their fingers linked, the contrast of their light and dark skin. They had held hands thousands of times before, and she bitterly longed for the times when she did not think twice about it. Mary was tutting, completely oblivious, “Come on. As nice as I’m sure your bones are, I don’t want to see them when your skin melts.”

* * *

Twirling a sickle in his fingers as he sat at the corner table in the Three Broomsticks, Severus was currently hating that he had had the audacity to enjoy his morning. Yes, things like a day trip to Hogsmeade seemed childish, but at least he wasn’t doing menial homework or watching the latest development in a horrifying turn of events: Lily and Potter. 

Because that was his afternoon. 

Severus had already been in the far too loud pub when the usual motley crew of Gryffindors and tagalongs showed up for lunch. He’d seen Lily with another Sixth Year he vaguely recognised but didn’t care about, but that irritation was nothing compared to watching Potter stride up to the bar and put his  _ mark  _ all over her. It made him extremely ill-tempered when he couldn’t catch Lily’s eye at the table because her gaze was glued on Potter. 

Severus was forced to endure his oldest friend laughing as she pulled his enemy out the door, their eyes lit up in matching delight. He felt as though he was in quicksand. He needed to grasp control of  _ something _ . He needed  _ something _ to wipe the look on Lily’s face as she gallivanted around with that bastard from his memory. 

He  _ knew  _ it was because they’d fought. Lily must be trying to spite him by actually  _ giggling _ at James Potter’s bad jokes and catching up with him in the corridors. Why else would she start hanging off his arm the day after they’d spoken? Lily had never much cared for attention, but perhaps she was after  _ his. _ They were friends.  _ Best friends _ . Severus simply refused to believe she would forget everything they’d shared. It would explain every bizarre action she’d taken this year already. Cutting him out and using Potter was certainly… effective. But to what end? 

_ You’re not sorry for calling me a mudblood. You’re sorry that I am one _ . 

The words still left a bitter taste in his mouth. He wished she would  _ listen _ to him so he could explain. Why wouldn’t he be sorry about her parentage when it put her at such risk? Lily had to know it was because he cared  _ that  _ much. Unlike Potter, who thought that pretending she was the same as everybody else would keep her safe. Potter was a pureblood, he understood Lily even less than Snape could. 

“Merlin, I am bored to tears,” muttered Avery, to his left. 

They were a miserable bunch, slotted in the corner like outcasts. Not that they wanted any part of that simpleton revelry, mind. Severus blinked Lily from his eyes. 

“Then make yourself  _ useful _ ,” he hissed at the brute. “Go and practice your… skills.” 

Avery and Mulciber sat up eagerly. “You reckon?” asked the latter.

Bitterness sailed through his blood as he answered, surveying the joyful afternoon. “Why not?”

And Severus Snape waited for two hours in The Three Broomsticks until Avery and Mulciber returned. He reminded himself that asserting himself as a leader was a good thing. And it had nothing to do with proving himself to an old friend who didn’t know the peril she may someday be in without him.

* * *

At the end of the afternoon, Lily and James meandered through rows of bookshelves with an ease that usually took, well, more than a couple of hours. She felt as if she was on a tightrope, and only frequent glances at him kept her steady. Lily  _ felt  _ the speed. She knew it was a lot so soon, but Lily had truthfully been dancing along the edge of a dam for a while now. 

James zipped up the jacket she loved so much and peered in the paper bag that held his shopping. “There’s no way my mum won’t guess that this gift wasn’t my idea.”

Lily rolled her eyes, “You said they’re her favourite sweets!” 

He fixed her with a look. “Still, I don’t think I’ve ever sent her a random gift before. It’s usually just McGonagall sending her updates on my detentions. She’ll die of shock, Evans.” 

Lily’s laugh sounded like the peeling of sacred bells to James. 

“What’s she like, then? I know I’ve met her at Marlene’s before but she seems lovely.”

“She  _ is _ lovely, and she’d be thrilled to hear you think that. She’s always siding with you.”

“Do you talk about me with your  _ mother _ , Potter?” Lily didn’t know whether to be horrified or amused.

“Sirius loves to bring up every time you put me in my place,” James admitted.

Lily snorted, “Don’t they hate me then? You’re their darling boy, I’m sure.”

“On the contrary,” He sighed dramatically. “They find it hilarious.”

James left out the endless pining his mother had witnessed. He had no idea whether telling Lily this much was even wise, but her eyes were bright and intrigued. And he wasn’t lying, his mother would make the biggest fuss of Lily if she ever got the chance to. His dad, too. His words rang in James’ ears now,  _ “confidence can help you open a door, son, but it’s your heart and character that gets you in the room”. _

Lily grinned at James who was, quite clearly, a mummy’s boy.

“Well, there you have it,” she teased. Brushing her fingers along the spines of a row of books, she smiled. James watched the action slightly mesmerised. “They’re seriously decent people to take in Sirius. Not many people would practically adopt another sixteen year old boy like that.”

“Not everyone has a mother like Walburga Black,” James said, and Lily nodded in grim understanding. “My parents always worried about Sirius in that house. And he’s practically been my brother since First Year, anyway.”

“That’s nice, being an only child must be tough,” Lily nudged him. “Especially for someone as  _ people-oriented  _ as you.”

James laughed, nudging Lily right back. He felt her chuckle all the way along his bones, and hesitated before asking, “Tougher than living with your sister?” James made himself hold her eyes, even as nerves that he was poking at a sensitive subject he had no right to went through him.

Lily’s emerald eyes were contemplative as she held his, “You’ve heard my whinging, then.”

Trying not to exhale with relief, James shook his head, “It’s not whinging. She sounds like hard work.”

Lily snorted, “Oh, she  _ is _ ,” She tucked a stray hair behind her ear. James thanked Merlin for that, because he was ten seconds away from doing it himself. “We used to be close. Before I came to Hogwarts, we were best friends. I-”

Lily stopped short, realising she’d been about to reveal something she hadn’t told  _ anyone _ . A fool’s hope. A little girl’s nostalgia. She blushed, getting ready to backpedal, when she met James’ gaze. His eyes were warm and clear, and so free of judgement that it was no wonder she was here spilling her bloody guts to him. He raised his eyebrows slightly, waiting, encouraging.

Lily let out a short breath. “I’m still hoping she’ll get over it. One day, she has to let go of that hatred of me, doesn’t she? And I’d forgive her.” She shrugged, suddenly embarrassed.  _ You dramatic idiot, Lily. _

Heart twisting in his chest as he watched Lily attempt to mask her obvious desperation for her words to be true, James could barely refrain from reaching out. Who could resist having her in their life? This wonderful, kind, loving girl who believed in everyone, even haughty sisters who refused to hug her at Kings’ Cross. Merlin, she’d only allowed him past her boundaries last  _ week _ and he was addicted.

“Of course she’ll get over it,” James said confidently, eyes sincere, and her face flooded with gratitude. “Look at that face,” He reached over and tweaked her nose, and she batted him off with a poorly held together frown.

“ _ Look _ at that face, don’t manhandle it,” Lily snipped. 

Her chest was slowly easing at James’ certainty that Petunia would come around someday. She knew he couldn’t possibly know, but the way he said it made her believe it. He was optimistic and sure of everything, and the world couldn’t help but mimic him.  _ Lily _ had to follow suit.

She followed James out of the tiny book shop. The streets were distinctly quieter now. Lily herself was historically known to retire by three o’clock and head up to the castle with her mates for a chill out. 

“It’s getting cold,” she commented, tightening her scarf.

James tried not to let himself feel disappointed, “You want to go back?”

“Hmm,” Lily said, realising she didn’t. “Have we done everything cliché?”

He smiled, facing ahead with determination. “We haven’t tried our luck at the Hog’s Head.”

Lily shot him a look. “You mean getting served alcohol.”

“I mean sampling the finest firewhiskey in all of Hogsmeade!”

“Finest?”

“All right, the cheapest firewhiskey in the pub with the least morals.”

Despite herself, Lily laughed. “Do you seriously think they’ll serve us?”

“I’m very tall and authoritative,” James straightened his shoulders and flicked non-existent lint from his shoulder in mock importance.

Lily rolled her eyes, “I’m a Prefect, Potter. What kind of example would I be setting?”

Honestly, the lopsided grin he flashed her sealed her fate, but Lily only raised her eyebrows expectantly.

“A very secret example,” James told her seriously, pulling up his collar dramatically and ushering her down the side street.

Lily clamped down on shameless giggling at his ridiculousness, mirth-filled eyes catching every few seconds. James couldn’t believe Lily had even agreed to  _ go _ to the Hog’s Head. She was so full of surprises, and his afternoon had become something like a lucid dream that he was scared of waking up from. Except, Lily was extremely real. The warmth and sweet smell of shampoo and perfume she seemed to radiate attested to that.

The Hog’s Head was nearly deserted except for a few groups of quiet talking wizards and witches, a couple of them cleaner than others. Lily clutched James’ elbow before she could think about it, hating the nerves that prickled through her in this odd pub. She’d heard rumours about the folk that drank here. He only flashed her a twinkly smile as they strolled up to the bar. The bartender was an older, vaguely familiar man who didn’t look like he possessed a lick of good humour in him.

“All right?” James said casually. “We’ll take two double firewhiskeys, please.”

Nerves giving her the overwhelming desire to laugh, Lily squeezed his elbow. James’ focus slipped entirely to the feeling of her fingernails digging in.

“Will you?” asked the bartender, facial expression unchanging. “I expect you’ve come from the castle.”

“We have,” James admitted. “But we’re seventeen,” he lied smoothly. It was barely a lie. Just three months for Lily, five for him.

The bartender looked between them sceptically, and James was thinking about tossing a few extra sickles on the bar when Lily spoke.

“All right, we’ve only  _ just _ turned seventeen, but that’s the law, isn’t it?” She said breezily, releasing James’ elbow to lean both arms on the bar. Her heart hammered as she told the lie, her Prefect instincts strong. But it wasn’t just nerves – she was excited by the adrenaline rush. James was looking down with pleased surprise, and she knew she was blushing. Crap,  _ that  _ would be a dead giveaway.

The bartender said nothing for a long moment.

Then he said gruffly, “You can have two singles because I only half believe you.”

James and Lily grinned in sync.

“We’ll take it,” He said.

As the barman poured the two shots, Lily and James snuck triumphant glances at one another, closed lipped smiles laced with a shared happiness. Lily handed the older man the money before James could even put his hand in his pocket, and she raised her eyebrows tartly at him.

“Now we’re even,” Lily told him, dropping into a rickety chair by the window.

He said opposite her. “Evans, you dirty liar,” James wore a scandalised expression that quickly crumpled into a grin when Lily stuck out her tongue.

“ _ You _ were about to get busted, Potter.”

James jerked his head to the sullen bartender, “He was not as receptive to my charms as I’d hoped.”

“Ha!” Lily tutted. “It’s okay that you’re losing your touch.”

“My touch is just fine,” James winked and Lily picked up her shot glass with a renewed sense of urgency, thinking about his hand grabbing her arm in the Common Room, or linked with hers in a dark doorway. 

She held the amber liquid aloft, “What are we toasting to?”

James hummed, picking up his glass. “To one week of the best idea you’ve ever had.”

“What’s that?”

“Being my friend, of course.”

Lily raised her eyebrows, “It’s been six days, you sentimental idiot.”

“ _ Now  _ who’s been counting?” James teased, clinking their glasses together before Lily could shoot back a retort. Not taking his eyes off hers, he tossed back the measure of drink. Lily watched his throat bob as he swallowed and felt the hairs on her arm stand up in a Mexican wave. She averted her eyes as she drank, firewhiskey burning her throat.

“Gah, it’s still horrible!” she coughed, eyes watering. James laughed; glad for the excuse to look away after watching the way her jaw moved when she tipped her head back. “You really brought me here to poison me, didn’t you?”

“You can’t fool me,” James smirked. “Last year, after you’d make a valiant effort at shutting down our parties for all of ten minutes, Evans, you’re quite partial to a bit of firewhiskey.”

Lily’s eyes widened. “You noticed that?” She brought a palm to her forehead in embarrassment. Lily was often torn between being a good prefect and having a good time and James bloody Potter and the Marauders were  _ always  _ pushing those limits in Fifth Year. It practically became Gryffindor law to have a raging party after Quidditch matches, especially when James’ captaincy meant they were doing so well. And yes, he annoyed Lily, but… she had wanted to party, too, in all honesty.

James was thoroughly amused, “I was always looking at you. Obviously  _ I  _ noticed,” He felt his heart trip over itself. Shit. Firewhiskey was already loosening his tongue. Lily’s eyes flickered, but she didn’t say anything. “But your secret is safe with me.”

“A true gentleman,” Lily said drily. She despised his ability to be so casual about how much he had fancied her. It was further proof that he was really over her, if he didn’t mind talking about it  _ with  _ her. She rested her chin in her hand, scrutinising him. “I’m sorry for trying to shut the parties down.”

James waved her off, “You did such a horrible job at it there’s no need to apologise.”

“Potter!” Lily’s mouth dropped open and he chuckled gleefully.

“ _ Evans, _ ” He leaned forward and narrowed his eyes to mimic her glaring ones. “Don’t be sorry. You at least saved Second Years from getting drunk. Sirius was always very generous with the booze.”

Lily groaned, “James.” The way his name sounded coming from her like that was absolutely criminal, and his mind struggled on the border of inappropriate thoughts. It was like everyone else had been saying it wrong all these years. “Don’t tell me those things if you want me to sleep at night.”

“You’re an underage witch and you just ordered alcohol,” James sucked in a breath, teasing. “You’re going to be up all night, Trouble.”

Lily’s blood jumped at the nickname, soft and endearing. “You’re a bad influence, I think.”

James only grinned as if he could see right through the contempt in her tone. She felt utterly transparent when his hazel eyes were on her like that. Lily was starting to wonder if part of keeping him at arm’s length for such a long time was because he seemed to get a read on her like nobody else, and she could never decide if she liked it or not. Now, he was definitely  _ not _ arm’s length, and when had they started  _ drifting _ together like that? On the way here, at breakfast this morning, she’d find herself mere centimetres from their arms touching. Lily breathed carefully now, James’ face a foot away from hers. There was really no need for them to be sat leaned forward like that, but how else would Lily work out how many shades of brown were in his eyes? Did she usually overthink her friendships like this? It must be the firewhiskey was making her thoughts run a mile a minute. 

James tilted his head. “I can literally see the cogs in your brain working.” 

Lily shot him an unconvinced look, despite the blush at being caught out somehow. “No, you can’t.” 

“Evans,” James pushed a hand through his hair, eyes averted for a moment. “That mind of yours is faster than anybody else’s, I know  _ that _ .” It was Lily’s turn to swiftly move her eyes away from his open ones. He didn’t even say it like a compliment, more like a fact. “What are you overthinking over there?”

Lily huffed indignantly. “I’m thinking that four months ago I would have hexed you into next week for bringing me here.”

“Don’t I know it. You’re a menace with that wand,” James eyed the pocket where it was kept wearily. 

“You’re a menace full stop,” Lily smiled, shaking her head at him, “But I’m glad I’m here now.”

James’ mouth spread slowly into a grin. Oh, she had  _ no idea _ . “Yeah, me too.” Merlin, he wanted to drown in this moment. His eyes fell to the faint dimple on her cheek and he was so enamoured with it, with every part of her face, really, that he knew he was going to say something stupid. Attention from Lily was like attention from the sun itself and James was warm all over. It burned his throat with the effort not to say so. 

She was slowly dragging her finger along the food menu, pulling faces at each unorthodox ingredient. When she glanced up, James thought he might short circuit. 

“Is it time to talk about the day you gave me tentacles?” He blurted instead. “ _ Eight tentacles _ , no less, Evans.” 

Lily immediately burst out laughing at the memory, and she covered her reddening face with two hands.  _ Shit _ , was James’ only thought. He was powerless against that genuine laugh. 

“You deserved it, weirdo! You stared at me so much it was like being under surveillance.” 

James snapped his fingers, “You’ve figured me out. I never had the slightest interest, your parents paid me to keep watch on all your illegal activities such as stealing bottles of firewhiskey and hiding them under the bed.”

Lily hummed in amusement, happy to play along. “Oh really? What did they pay you with? Dollars or euros?”

James balked, drawing a total blank. “The first…?”

Delighted, Lily flicked her hair over her shoulder. “It’s pounds. Go back to muggle studies, Potter.” 

She let her eyes stray to the window and out onto Autumn breeze, mostly so she wouldn’t have to meet those eyes that made her tongue loose and her brain haywire. Very bravely, she thought - turned back to James. He was looking at her again. Or maybe he hadn’t stopped. 

“I’m sorry Mary completely abandoned you,” she said suddenly, realising she had forgotten entirely that James had started today with her best friend. 

James blinked. He had totally forgotten himself. 

“She has a huge heart, but she doesn’t always consider the consequences or… other people,” Lily finished. 

James shrugged, “I’m having a better time with you.” 

Lily’s eyebrows raised, and she tried not to feel too pleased, but god damn it, she was. James had the cheek to be amused by her reaction. 

“Are you surprised?” He asked, tilting his head. 

_ No,  _ Lily thought.  _ Being your friend is as easy as breathing.  _ At the same time her brain nagged,  _ Yes, you’re a good looking bloke and you should be on a date _ . 

James misinterpreted her silence, and self-consciousness crept along his spine. “We have fun, don’t we?” 

Lily let go of a breath she’d been holding and her smile formed, completely unbidden, “I cannot believe I’m saying it out loud but yes, you great loon.”

James' answering grin was like staring directly at the midday sun. Lily laughed, lifting her eyes to the ceiling, because she had never quite mastered how to cope with the warmth that washed over her like the tide when he did that. She gasped. 

“Oh, I know, let’s go to the Shrieking Shack,” Lily said, eyes alight. “Just from afar. The girls won’t go with me anymore.”

Like second nature, James stilled at the mention of the shack. His hand jumped through his hair with nerves, as though she would know Remus’ secret just by looking at his face when she said those words.

“Really?” He asked lightly.

Lily frowned, “You don’t want to?”

James almost laughed; he’d sit at the bottom of the sea with her if she asked. He scrambled for words. Was it suspicious to  _ not  _ go? It was just an empty building, for now at least.

James quirked his eyebrows, “Lead the way, Evans.”

The land surrounding the Shrieking Shack was peaceful as Lily leaned against the fence and gazed up at it. It was nothing but tired slats of wood bound together by magic in the daylight. James, who knew the truth, failed to be captivated by it like others were. Like Lily, apparently. 

She couldn’t know what she saw. She cared deeply for Remus, he knew that, but his friend was so incredibly ashamed even now. James thought Remus was afraid of losing the way Lily looked at him. As someone who spent the majority of his day waiting for her to look at him, James understood. 

With his heart full, James’ attention trailed from the decrepit building to Lily. She didn’t seem to notice as she looked upon it, arms folded and thinking. 

He asked, “Why do you like coming here?”

“I don’t know,” she said somewhat absently. “If anything, or anyone, is in there, don’t you find it sad that they’re so close yet we cannot help them?” 

“What do you think it is?” James asked, eyes on her face as she gazed at the shack.

“Someone lonely,” Lily said simply. She smiled slightly, “A misunderstood poltergeist.”

James’ heart swelled as he realised how unintentionally perceptive she was. Screams long into the night weren’t something to be afraid of to her, but a cry for help. His throat felt tight and he stuffed his hands in his pocket in an attempt not to sweep her off her feet. He knew the telltale pricking of heat behind his eyes when Lily finally glanced up at him and her face creased in concern. 

“James?”

Blowing out a breath, he refused to think for a moment and brought an arm around her shoulders, squeezing her slightly to him. Lily twisted her head to narrow her eyes as if in warning, but he just smiled down at her.

“You’re just bloody wonderful, Evans.” He told her lightly.

Lily’s muscles were tense for a fraction of a moment longer before she let herself relax into his side, let her head tentatively lean against the crook of his shoulder. He could have sworn he felt a snuggle.

“That was unprecedented, Potter,” she said after another heartbeat, and he could hear her smile.

A twig snapped behind them and Lily jolted, tugging on the material of James’ jacket. He supposed his luck must have run out by now and someone like Thomas Brailey was on his way to remind Lily how much she hated him. 

They both turned to see a younger boy as he sat on a tree stump not far away from them. He had a lanky frame and chestnut hair and he was alone. He didn’t even seem to notice them. Lily detached herself from James, Prefect instincts kicking in. 

“Hi,” Lily said gently, slowly walking over as though he was an animal that might frighten. The boy blinked several times, as though in a daydream, and lifted his head. Encouraged by his eye contact, Lily crouched before him, smiling tentatively. “My name is Lily. I’m a Gryffindor prefect. What’s your name?”

The boy blinked again, as though he was fighting off a headache. Looking uncertain, he swallowed before saying, “Mark.” His voice was shaky, and Lily’s heart squeezed in sympathy, but she only kept an encouraging smile on her face.

“Nice to meet you, Mark. Are you all right out here alone?” She asked lightly. As he frowned, Lily glanced towards James. He had followed her and looked on with increasing concern, but his eyes were indecipherable as he met hers.

“Where… where are we?” asked Mark, his voice stronger but becoming slightly panicked. Lily felt a shiver go through her. Something was wrong.

“Near the Shrieking Shack. Do you remember coming to Hogsmeade?”

He took a breath, concentrating, “Yes, yes I came here with Rudy and Jerome… where… they’re not here?” Mark cast a wild gaze around as if he’d see his friends.

Lily shook her head, “Not right now. Shall we go and find them?”

Mark nodded, and Lily rose, guiding him to his feet. James appeared by her side, helping the unsteady boy on his other side. His hazel eyes skated over her in concern before he plastered an easy smile on his face.

“All right, mate? I’m James.”

Alex managed to nod, “Gryffindor Quidditch captain.”

“That’s it. You like Quidditch?”

“I love it. I’m going to be Ravenclaw captain.”

James smiled genuinely, “I can’t wait.”

They began walking, Lily’s chest easing as Mark started on about his new broomstick. He could be no older than thirteen. She didn’t know why, but Lily cast a sweeping glance at their surroundings, and her eyes snagged on a blue square in the grass. 

“Wait,” she muttered. Bending down to pick it up, she realised it was - 

“My wallet!” The Ravenclaw exclaimed, seemingly revived at the sight of it. “Phew, my mum sent me money for this trip and I had to get it changed into wizarding money myself!” He looked so proud. Lily began to smile before she saw the velcro catch was open. Mark’s shiny new wallet fell open. Ice flooded her veins.

She shot James a grim expression before softening her tone. “I’m sorry, Mark. It’s empty.”

“I… I didn’t spend it, did I?” Mark asked, his voice breaking. Lily’s own heart squeezed and a horrible feeling filled the cracks. 

From the looks on James’ face, he had the same sickening suspicion.

* * *

“A muggleborn wizard can’t remember how he ended up alone and money-less on the outskirts of Hogsmeade? He was  _ mugged _ \- and attacked by the sound of it!” Lily exclaimed furiously as the giant doors of the Hospital Wing thudded shut behind them.

Lily and James had learned that the boy’s name was Mark Willis and that he was a Third Year Ravenclaw. As he had asked more questions that the two of them simply couldn’t answer, Mark became subdued. By the time his friends had arrived, he was scared and upset. Rudy and Jerome had confirmed her worst fears – Mark had been with them one moment in the total chaos of Zonko’s, and gone the next. They said it was unlike him to ditch, he had been unbearably excited all week.

Lily had been relatively calm in front of Mark until he mentioned one of his last memories before speaking to Lily by the Shrieking Shack. 

“A Sixth Year…” He had said uncertainly, propped up by a number of pillows. “I bumped into this Slytherin. He’s kind of mean looking, you know? I don’t know his name, but he has a buzzcut and…”

James’ eyes were trained on Lily as they had both realised that Mark was describing none other than Avery. 

“It’s okay, Mark. You’ve been great,” she had said kindly, quashing down on the anger that threatened to erupt. “Madam Pomfrey has alerted Professor McGonagall, she’ll be with you soon.”

Lily looked at James now and her hands began to shake. In the rare quiet of the corridor outside the Hospital Wing, anger and sadness swirled around in her stomach making her nauseous until he grabbed her hands in both of his and squeezed them, the same emotions mirrored in his eyes. They were warm, of course, and she concentrated on the feeling of his callouses from years of Quidditch to slow her breathing. 

“Hey, Lily, breathe,” James said gently. 

It was in that moment she realised he hadn’t said her name in weeks. She hadn’t realised she’d been thinking about his hand in hers ever since he’d grabbed it all those weeks ago, running in Hogsmeade. 

Staring at his hands cradling hers, Lily exhaled. 

“James! Lily!” The two of them jumped out of their skin when they heard Peter’s voice. 

They turned to see him and Remus jogging over, concern obvious. Lily disentangled her hands on instinct, as though she’d been caught out. Her eyes flashed to James for a stretched, echoing moment that in reality lasted a second, and she took a steadying breath for rather different reasons. 

“What’s going on?” Remus asked and Lily’s heart guttered and choked in embarrassment until he continued, “Marlene’s brother told us he saw you supporting some kid up here?” 

She was grateful when James spoke instead. “Yeah, Mark Willis. A Third Year who was messed with down in Hogsmeade. He  _ bumped into _ Avery right beforehand.” His tone was grave but clear, and she was astounded at how collected he was. 

“Messed with?” Remus’ eyes clouded. His eyes moved to Lily for confirmation. She nodded. 

“Mark’s muggleborn. It’s like Mulciber and Mary all over again,” she explained as the four of them began to walk. “He was so confused. He doesn’t remember anything.”

“I hope he never does.” 

Peter worried his lip, “Are you sure?”

“Come on, Pete,” scoffed James. He couldn’t shake the image of Mark’s face the moment he realised somebody had…  _ interfered _ with him. “He had been confunded at  _ best _ .” Lily flashed him a grateful look.

Remus nodded, clearly disturbed, “It sounds that way. Who would do that? This must have been his first trip! And to steal his  _ money _ , he couldn’t have had much.”

“It’s obvious, right?” James asked darkly as they began a slow walk – to where, he had no clue. “A crowded, noisy shop. Avery’s there. Mark’s friends lose him and the next thing he’s at the Shrieking Shack, no clue how he got there. Do we really think that’s a coincidence?”

“No,” Lily said immediately, but she looked regretful that she was so sure.

There was uneasy silence as they all digested what had likely happened to Mark. Somebody had attacked him in daylight in a busy village which was collectively deemed safe. They had taken his pocket money, and it was unlikely to be because they were short on spending money. It was to prove a point. They took it because they could. 

Deep in thought, nobody spoke until they were back in the rapidly chilling air. They passed through the courtyard when Peter punctured the fragile air. “What do we do?”

Lily and Remus looked at one another. 

“McGonagall knows. Tell Frank?” She suggested, thinking about the Head Boy.

“He could still be with Alice,” Remus glanced at James and they seemed to have a split second of silent communication. “It could take ages to find him without…” 

Lily narrowed her eyes imperceptibly as her fellow prefect cut himself off mid sentence. Neither Remus, James or Peter would meet her scrutinising gaze and she rolled her eyes. 

“Without what?” She asked, half annoyed. 

The three boys became very interested in their shoes and the sky, but they were saved from answering her when Lily’s gaze slid over their shoulders. Her face morphed from irritated to cold fury.

“Found them,” she said through her teeth. 

James spun around to see Avery and Mulciber skulking on the opposite end of the courtyard that overlooked the boathouse, chuckling with the most vulgar set of siblings he’d ever laid eyes on, Amycus and Alecto Carrow. Lily noticed James go stiff when he saw their casual glee and the audacity of it. 

When Amycus’ small, nasty eyes met hers, she knew for certain that they had been involved with Mark’s sudden memory loss. She  _ felt  _ it - the delight and power trip they were on. She thought of Mark’s eyes lining with tears as he had realised, and Lily had witnessed a small chunk of innocence flake off from his soul. 

Her throat felt thick and she swore under her breath. “They won’t get away with it. We should tell McGonagall - she can tell Dumbledore who we  _ know  _ works with the ministry against the dark arts.” 

“Agreed,” Remus said, and Peter nodded. 

James turned his back on the Slytherins, and Lily caught his eye. He looked in  _ pain _ as he ran an agitated hand through his hair, but it was gone in an instant. He was antsy, shifting from foot to foot. 

“James,” Lily said sharply. Her brows furrowed when he glanced back over his shoulder at the three offenders instead, and she saw that a muscle ticked in his jaw. 

When he turned back, his face was it’s usual near-smiling self, but she didn’t buy it. “Evans?” His eyes flickered. 

“Are you good?” She asked, but before he could respond an unsavoury voice carried across the courtyard. 

“Oh look who it is!” Avery crowed. “Enjoying Snape’s sloppy seconds, Potter?”

James was moving before Lily could even scoff, but Remus yanked his mate back with a surprisingly strong grip. He was furious and he resisted Remus’ grip, glaring across at the Slytherins who snickered in delight. Lily swallowed at the anger she saw there, the tightness in his eyes and the strain of his jaw. 

“Prongs,” He said pointedly, fixing James with a loaded stare. 

James settled for jabbing a menacing finger across at them, chest heaving. “Watch your mouth, you sad bastard.” 

Lily desperately shut out the tired comeback from Mulciber to concentrate on James. He’d seemed so unbothered but she was realising he was just far better at hiding his emotions - in order to keep  _ her  _ calm. 

“You’re a sycophant who’ll never be anyone’s sloppy anything,” she called out, offhand and not caring if they’d heard. 

James seemed to shake himself when she spoke and his eyes skated over Lily like a breeze. “I’m fine, sorry. I’ve just got to… you stay,” He signalled Remus with a lift of his eyebrows that quite clearly meant  _ you stay with her. _

Before she could say another word he was off. He practically bloody sprinted and Lily watched him disappear through the great double doors in disbelief. 

“What - Potter!” She called pathetically after him, blushing when she remembered Remus and Peter stood by. She cleared her throat, willing away Remus’ analytical gaze. 

He couldn’t just  _ run off.  _

“Well, fine!” She exclaimed to nobody in particular. 

“Are we going after him?” Peter asked tentatively. They looked at her, and she couldn’t help but feel like she was being tested. 

She groaned and Remus’ mouth lifted in a half-smile. 

“Thought you might,” he said. 

Casting one last furious look at Avery, Mulciber and the Carrows, Lily, really, had no choice.

* * *

James had to be far, far away from those foul gits. 

He thought he might get away with clamping down on the anger that had stirred as soon as he’d realised what had happened to Mark Willis. Lily was struggling to keep her voice steady as she spoke to the young Ravenclaw, and he knew it was imperative that he be strong for her, because she had every right to scream and be afraid. Not to mention she’d hate if he barreled in and took over like he had almost done in the courtyard. 

Then she’d look at him with those iridescent eyes and somehow he had to pretend like he wasn’t terrified for her? Avery and his goons had attacked Mark in the middle of the damn day. He felt sick. 

So now James was essentially hiding in the dormitory. Because he would duel those bastards into the ground if he didn’t. 

Sirius was being extremely unhelpful. He’d arrived moments before James had, and once he’d grilled him for information had decided to list all the reasons they  _ should  _ pummel Avery into confetti. 

“Prongs, they’re dangerous.”

“I  _ know _ , Padfoot.”

“So we should challenge them! We  _ always _ challenge them.” 

James groaned, pushing his face into the pillow on his bed. “Not today. Lily and I had an amazing afternoon, all right? I still don’t believe it happened. I am not ruining it for  _ them _ .” 

“Merlin, Prongs, you’re  _ blushing _ .”

James tossed a pillow at his mate’s head. “Real men blush,” he said moodily, but he knew Sirius was actually trying to distract him.

He threw the projectile pillow back. “Lily’s still in the Common Room.” 

James exhaled, watching the cloudy sky through the window a little helplessly. The Common Room was only about twenty strides away but after today it was simply too far. 

He was yearning. James was officially a yearner. 

“She doesn’t need to see me being a prat.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows and propped his head upon his fist. “From the way she’s going on, I would say she very much wants to see you, prat or not.”

“You’re full of it, Padfoot. She has never liked the James who starts fights,” He said firmly. 

Sirius made an unusual noise in protest, “Who doesn’t want someone really good looking to seek revenge on their behalf? Not even Lily Evans can be immune to that.” 

James shot Sirius an unimpressed glare. Sirius took the hint and stood up with a languished sigh. 

“Guess I’ll take a hike.” He strode to the door and opened it. 

“Don’t say a word, Padfoot,” James warned, looking beyond the door almost longingly. 

Sirius flipped him off before turning slightly, “You’re not like those dark arts pricks just because you want to fight back, Prongs.” 

The door shut behind him with a gentle snap. 

* * *

Lily  _ was _ still in the Common Room with one eye on the spiral staircase up to the boys’ dormitory. She’d thought about it, but Lily decided she hadn’t reached  _ barge into his room _ levels of crazy. Yet. 

But she was baffled, and confused. 

She jumped when thundering footsteps sounded during her and Remus’ speculation about what their patronus’ might be. But it was Sirius, taking two at a time and grinning like a cat who caught the cream when he saw her. 

“You again,” Lily greeted. 

“Fancy a chit chat, Evans?” He said.

Remus blew out a breath. “What are you doing, Padfoot?”

But curiosity got the better of Lily. “Shoot.” 

Sirius smiled lightly and launched himself onto the sofa beside her, settling in before he fixed her with a look. 

“All right, he’ll have my head for saying this, but James finds it really hard not to fight every battle he sees. But nothing is more important to him than what  _ you _ think. Not even my nuggets of wisdom compare,” Sirius pretended to pout. 

Lily was taken aback. Her skin prickled at his words, a crease forming between her brows as she realised what he was insinuating. 

“What I think?” She repeated. “What does he think I think?”

“You definitely weren’t supposed to say that,” Peter told Sirius.

Sirius made a strangled sound, “Luckily, I don’t care!” He looked at Lily. “Evans, you know I adore you. But James is up there right now because he doesn’t want to blow his top about those Slytherin bastards and make you upset.”

Lily’s mouth opened in horror.

Remus leaned forward to smack Sirius, “You’re like a gossipy old woman!” 

“What? Are you serious?” Lily asked. 

James didn’t want to be angry in front of her, as though he wasn’t allowed, as though she’d make him feel bad. Merlin, she’d screwed up. Every careless word she’d ever thrown at him found its home and apparently, still lived within him. 

She groaned, leaning forward until her face was in her lap, arms encircling her head to block out the boys’ nervous twittering.

“ _ Evans,  _ it’s okay. We know he’s misunderstanding you completely.” 

Her voice was muffled when she replied, “I don’t know. I  _ did  _ say those things,” She sat back up suddenly and bit her lip. Remus, Sirius and Peter watched her so nervously that she could have laughed if she didn’t feel so shitty. Two hours ago she was on cloud nine, and yes it was confusing up there with James but it was better than this. Her chest deflated when she was hit with a sudden realisation. “Shit.”

Remus raised his eyebrows in alarm. “What?”

Lily took a deep breath, unsure why’d unload on these three boys except they were, in actual fact her friends.  _ Proper  _ friends. 

“You know, for years I have thought that my sister Petunia has had these crazy ideas about what people should and shouldn’t be, how they should act, what they should say. She judges people  _ so  _ harshly. And I’ve always been the fair one,” Lily sighed bitterly. “I thought I was so different to that, to  _ her _ . But I am not  _ so  _ different, because look at the standard I’ve held James up to. And all of you.” 

“Hey, Lily!” Sirius squeezed her shoulder and shook her slightly. “ _ Do not  _ compare yourself to your sister,” He wrinkled his nose. “You’re brilliant and we  _ were  _ little shits. We have never had a bad word to say about you and that’s the damn truth.” 

Remus and Peter nodded in fierce agreement, and Lily felt her smile muscles tug. 

“We all know James enjoys you giving him the run around,” Peter said meekly. 

Sirius smirked, “Perhaps a bit too much!” 

“All right, all right!” Lily pressed her hands to her ears in protest. 

They all roared with laughter at her grimace, and she shook her head, a chuckle escaping her at last. 

_ Idiots,  _ she thought fondly, realising that was probably their intention. She smiled and stood.

“I’m going to my dormitory,” she announced. “Tell James…” Lily shook her head. “No, let him cool off. I can tell him later.” 

They had later, and that felt pretty good. 

* * *

The other Marauders had just left for dinner when James was twirling his wand in his fingers, attempting to focus on the motion of that rather than leaping to his feet and getting a month’s worth of detentions. The detentions, he knew, would be worth it. They were trivial punishments for the growing seriousness of this whole situation. What James couldn’t risk was jeopardising his relationship with Lily.

As though he’d summoned her, a muffled raised voice, clearly fed up, sounded out in the Common Room. He’d heard her dock enough points from him to know it was Lily. 

“ _ Evans! What happened to waiting, you barmy cow?”  _

_ “Oh, sod it! It’s been bloody ages. He’s coming to dinner!”  _

The bedroom door banged open, and Lily marched in, confident and unsure all at once. His heart still didn’t know she wasn’t his, and it flipped in his ribcage like it always did. Lily looked flustered, like she’d run the entire way up there. Her face flickered with relief for the briefest of moments before it settled into annoyance. Crap, somehow he’d done something anyway.

“James Potter,” she said, coming to stand over him with her arms folded. “Enough is enough.” 

Ah. Damn Padfoot.

James twirled his wand again. “I’m merely waiting for the overwhelming desire to petrify those Slytherins and throw them in a locked cupboard to ease.”

Lily narrowed her eyes and swiftly shoved his feet off the bed so she could sit in their place. As she faced him, James’ mind nerve endings went haywire. Her closeness and the sinking mattress meant her body was leaning slightly into him. Accidentally, yes, but still.

“That’s very unlike you,” she said accusingly.

James huffed a bitter laugh. “It’s more than they deserve.”

“That’s true,” she agreed outright. “But… Sirius doesn’t think that’s why you’re up here.”

Double damn. He was going to throttle Sirius. 

Cards on the table, he sighed. “I didn’t want to upset you again, all right? I wanted to fight them. Really fight them,” His voice became thick with emotion and he sniffed loudly as his eyes lifted to the ceiling. 

Lily felt so starved of his gaze in that moment it was practically unbearable. Lily reached out and put a hand on his arm, just so he’d look at her.

“You know what, James? I’m more upset that you’re not coming to dinner. I don’t ever want them to dictate what we do. Especially you,” She became shy. “You’re unshakeable.”

James smiled as he sighed. His eyes skated over her face, “I am really not.”

He wondered how she didn’t know that  _ she  _ shook his world upside down and back again every single time she smiled… and how worried he was about her. The way those cultist pricks looked at her and Mary sometimes… it made his stomach roll over.

“I’m not trying to fight your battles for you, Lily; I don’t want to do that. But my friends are everything to me and you’re…” James steadied himself. “You’re one of those unlucky bastards now.”

Lily’s chest flooded with a warm, sweet feeling that tingled all the way to her fingers. She marvelled at him. James Potter did nothing in halves.

“James, listen to me,” Lily said suddenly, authoritative, emerald eyes searching his. “I  _ want  _ to be one of those unlucky bastards. Pretty sure I  _ asked  _ to be!” 

James slowly began to grin at the reminder. It was such a mixture of smug and wondrous that Lily matched it, suddenly struck by the hilarity of the truth. She laughed openly, her seriousness sliding off like butter, using the arm she held to jostle him. “Shut up, I won’t be repeating it again.” 

“One day I will know why you had a change of heart, Evans, mark my words.”

“I banged my head falling down the stairs,” Lily told him drily. “When I woke up, you weren’t the worst thing in the world.”

His grin widened at her cheek, and Lily felt her face go red. Maybe James could know the truth when she figured it out herself, which might be never at this rate. Her thoughts got so scrambled around him it was a bloody wonder she strung a sentence together. She slumped back onto one of the bedposts and shook her head at the ceiling.

“I had fun today, James,” she said. She may as well tell him. 

James copied her movement and rolled his head to the look at her. “So did I, Lily.” 

On another planet, it could have been their first date. Besides what happened to Mark, it had been perfect. Not even just because  _ she  _ was perfect, but because nobody could have prepared James for how easily they clicked. When he was with her, he could talk for hours without effort, but similarly the silences weren’t awkward -instead they were charged. 

“It’s been a weird day. We went shopping together - you’re a  _ good  _ shopping partner, what in the name of Merlin am I meant to do with that information?” Lily wrung her hands and James laughed out loud, eyes crinkling. 

“Didn’t I say I was layered?” He asked snarkily. 

Lily snorted and was silent for a moment, listening to the first swoops of the owls outside and the muted din of the Common Room. She became acutely aware they were alone in his bedroom and her brain fogged. Why was she here again? Was it possibly to curl up here in a cocoon? 

Lily’s eyes flashed to his, as though he could read her train of thought. James just watched her with a soft smile of his own.  _ He’d  _ been aware of their predicament since the moment she barged in - he wasn’t a bloody saint, after all. Thank Merlin they’d actually tidied up this morning. 

Her eyes softened as they watched each other.

Lily told him, “It’s good to get mad. Nothing is the same as last year. And I meant what I said earlier… I’ve got  _ your  _ back, too. You care so much, I don’t know why I was surprised you were fuming.

“You can talk to me and I’ll… try not to shout. But it’s – I was worried. I’m kind of an emotional shouter.”

James nudged her, his heart inexplicably skipping. “I hadn’t noticed.”

Lily smiled as though she held a brilliant secret behind her lips. “Next time you feel like handing someone their ass to them, just look at me. Trust me. Who knows? I might already be at their neck.” 

James refrained from making an inhuman noise when she quirked an eyebrow. “I think I’d like to see that.”

“Come on, Potter,” Lily smirked, and got to her feet. James groaned pathetically at her absence. “Dinner.” 

Lily reached down and poked at James’ stomach, and he caught her small hand in his. Her breath hitched ever so slightly, but James didn’t comment as he looked up at her, eyes open as the sky. 

“Thanks for fetching me, Evans.”

Just over the moon that she wasn’t shaking, Lily gently squeezed his warm, calloused hand before letting go. 

* * *

By dinner time, Severus had lost the grim satisfaction of directing Avery and Mulciber to do whatever it is they did to that Willis boy. They’d been too damn obvious, and the dirty looks that were tossed at them were proof. He’d been too emotional when he told them to do it, and for what? 

It was exceptionally hard to gloat when Lily walked into the Great Hall behind all of her friends with Potter. When Potter cast his gaze directly at Severus and the others, eyes fuelled with disgust that was readable even at the distance. Lily tugged on his sleeve, but not before shooting her own daggers at the group. Her eyes barely skated over Severus. The two of them moved on, sitting next to one another on the bench with their backs to the Slytherin table. 

Shutting him firmly out. 


	8. Lily and the Profound Wavering of Deniability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Is it just me, or do I think about James Potter an awful lot for a casual acquaintance?" - Lily Evans, probably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, I'm back. This chapter nearly killed me, hence I am talking to you 5 (five) weeks later. As well as the good old writers' block, I also had keyboard issues and I work full time. So THANK YOU for your patience. I nearly posted last weekend, but I so wanna do this whole thing justice and it just wasn't good enough.   
> CONSOLATION = it's ten word processor pages longer than all the previous chapters!! My friend recently pointed out to me that this fic is already longer than the Philosopher's Stone!   
> Enjoy, loves. Come see me on tumblr - deadlysansa. I recently posted my Jily playlist which is cute as hell.   
> PS. There is smoking mentioned in this chapter. I'm not encouraging smoking at all! - but this was the 70s, they're teenagers and people didn't know smoking was bad for their health at this time.   
> PPS. I forgot to say Marlene is on the Quidditch team. Roll with it x

_ Sunday 9th October 1976 _

Crisp, autumn sunlight was streaming through the windows directly onto Lily’s face. She groaned, covering her hands with the palms and nestled further into the warm duvet. She’d woken up several times in the night, anxious about Mark and his attackers roaming the halls. Now she was exhausted. 

“Oh, Lily, you’re awake!” Alice’s singsong voice sounded from the foot of Lily’s four-poster. 

Marlene’s much drier tone commented, “You opened her curtains on purpose, you minx.” 

Alice made a hasty shushing noise and the mattress sunk where she sat herself by Lily’s feet. “Lily,” she cooed.

Blinking slowly in the aggressive morning light, Lily made another pathetic noise. 

“It’s  _ Sunday _ , Alice.” 

“It’s time to seize the day,” she shot back. 

Lily’s wavering attention flitted to Marlene when she began laughing. She was pulling off her trainers, likely having already jogged round the lake this morning. She wagged a finger at Alice. 

“I’d expect this behaviour from Mary, but my, my, Alice Fortescue.” 

There was a thump of dissent on the bathroom door, signalling that Mary was in there and had heard Marlene. 

Lily rolled over. “You’re all acting way too strange this early in the morning. Goodnight.” 

Clearly dissatisfied, small hands yanked her duvet back. 

“I can’t take it any longer!” Alice cried. “Why in Merlin’s name do I hear from  _ this lot  _ that you spent the entire afternoon yesterday with James Potter like it’s no big deal?” 

Consciousness flooded through Lily like a bucket of ice water and she sat up. 

James.

Bloody hell, she  _ had _ spent a lot of time with him. Flashes from Hogsmeade went a mile a minute through Lily’s brain and for some bizarre reason, she felt very caught out. 

“It’s  _ not  _ a big deal,” she told Alice, shrugging. “You know we’re mates now.”

“Yeah, since last week! This friendship is evolving faster than the new Comet broomstick.” 

Lily was alarmed at Alice’s distress. Her gentle friend had trouble differentiating between excitement and concern so it all tended to come up at once. 

“So?”

Alice narrowed her eyes and Lily was reminded of a vicious pixie. “So… what is going on? Like, inside your head?”

Lily’s neck was getting hot from the sudden interrogation. She hadn’t even washed the sleep from her eyes, let alone formed coherent thoughts about James. She could barely do  _ that  _ wide awake. 

“I don’t know.”

Alice was slightly gentler this time, “Lily it’s… James. And  _ you _ . I’m sorry, but it’s never going to be small. Aren’t you confused?”

“I am!” Mary breezed out of the bathroom looking immaculate with a raised hand. 

Alice searched for the right words, “Last year you were turning down dates with him, now you’re ditching dates  _ for  _ him. James spent his entire Fifth Year trying to get you to go to Hogsmeade with him, and now you’ve been -  _ twice.” _

“Hey!” Lily protested. “One of those times was to help you out!” 

“And yesterday?”

“ _ Someone, _ ” Lily gestured wildly at Mary, “abandoned him on a date _.”  _

Mary’s eyes went round and she stared at her lap, presumably scandalised. “As we’ve established you ditched Thomas!” 

Lily let out an irritated noise. “I just politely told him to piss off.” 

Marlene’s eyes sparked in intrigue, “Ooh, why?”

“He said-” Lily began in anguish, before realising she was about to get teased  _ again.  _ She started once more, nonchalant. “He said James was marking his territory.”

All three of her friends' faces morphed into carefully arranged surprise. 

“I have  _ never  _ noticed that,” Marlene said in a strange tone. 

Mary coughed and averted her eyes as she hid laughter in her magazine. Alice was kind enough not to giggle, but she did smooth out her jumper as though it was the most important task in the world.

“What a fresh perspective,” she commented evenly.

Lily really needed to make some new friends - these ones knew too much. Marlene pulled a face. 

“We’re just curious. Can you blame us?” 

No, she couldn’t blame them. But she sort of wanted to. Why did they have to remind her that people would pay attention to the changes with her and James? They already  _ had _ , Brailey being a fine example on their date yesterday. It made her feel a number of things, but anxiety about the comments and irritation about the entitlement of those people were top of that list. 

Lily slumped onto the pillows, blinking back a sudden wave of emotion. She had to give her poor mates something, even if her own grasp on the situation was as clear as mud.

“All right. James is… different. You’ve all noticed that right?” Her friends nodded, gathering around the bed like they would approach a baby bird. “But here’s the thing - so am I! Last year I lost a friend that none of you liked, but he was my friend nonetheless. I know I’ve done a crappy job of dealing with it…” 

“No, Lil!” Alice protested. “Snape betrayed you!”

Mary’s eyes flashed, “Not only when he said that  _ word _ , but every time he never stood up for you.” 

“The whole thing forced me to open my eyes,” Lily rubbed a hand over her face. “Snape was no friend to me. Petunia does not  _ want  _ to be. I came back this year ready to keep up the routine with James but, he’s really grown up recently… and there’s so much conflict going on, who am I to turn down friends? So, that’s it. I don’t need to post a formal announcement in the Great Hall about it!” 

“The fights were thoroughly entertaining, though. I guess I never  _ will  _ see James as a horned toad.” Marlene lamented. 

Lily laughed sharply, “I didn’t say we’d stop fighting. I may yet strangle James Potter.” 

All four of them giggled.  _ That  _ was the Lily they knew. 

She sighed, and struggled to put her arm across all of them. “I’ve got my girls, and by some miracle I’ve not completely alienated those idiot boys, too.” 

“Doesn't hurt that they’re good looking,” Mary pursed her lips innocently and Marlene shoved her.

Alice reached to smooth Lily’s hair down. “Sorry for the ambush, love. I just want you to keep us in the loop.”

“ _ Screw  _ Snape and your sister,” Marlene grinned. “We’re the real ones.”

Lily matched her smile. It was true. She shook her head to clear her mind and heaved herself out of bed. 

“Enough about me, please and thank you,” Lily yawned. “Who’s got some proper gossip?”

Alice promptly rolled sideways on Lily’s bed and went tomato red. 

“Frank and I got caught making out in a  _ broom cupboard _ last night!” She squealed, causing Mary to topple off the bed entirely. 

Marlene roared with impressed laughter just as Lily abandoned all pretence of brushing her hair and leaped back into bed to poke Alice. 

“Alice!”

The smaller girl cackled, “It was mortifying! Imagine a Hufflepuff Prefect busting the bloody Head Boy!” 

Mary rose with a hand clapped over her scandalised yet delighted grin. 

“I’ll say it again!” Marlene shook her head. “My,  _ my,  _ Alice Fortescue.”

* * *

  
  


Across the corridor, James had also slept badly. Whether he was worrying about her or just replaying the way she looked at him yesterday - his mind was taken up by thoughts of Lily. Luckily, he had plenty of practise with missing sleep thanks to the full moon and he managed to whistle happily when the sun arose. 

Sirius was fluffing his hair in the mirror when he brokered an end to the Lily-silence.

“How was it then, Prongs?”

James met his eye in the mirror from where he kneeled down to find a matching pair of socks. Peter exhaled dramatically.

“Oh, thank Merlin,” He exclaimed. “I was about to explode if someone didn’t say something.”

James smirked, an air of nonchalance shrouding him. “Always with the dramatics, Pete.”

He casually closed his trunk and stood up. The others looked at him expectantly, eyebrows raised.

“What?”

Three different objects were thrown simultaneously at his head.

“Come on!”

“What is wrong with you?”

“Seriously, Prongs?”

Laughing at his mates’ outraged expressions, James finally let himself grin and his eyes twinkled from memory alone.

“All right, it was fucking fantastic.”

Remus tilted his head, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but your judgment can sometimes be a little skewed.”

Sirius snorted, “Warped, more like.”

“Hey!” James protested. “You wanted me to talk didn’t you?”

“You’ve never asked for our permission before.”

James threw a shoe back at Sirius, “Shut up, Padfoot. I have important things to say.”

Sirius batted his eyelashes comically, and James shook his head in disbelief.

“Anyway,” He cleared his throat, smiling again. “After you all left, Lily dumped Brailey – very loudly. And the next thing I know she’s pulling me out of the pub and spending the entire afternoon with me. And we had fun, like the fun I’d have with you lot – if you wore perfume that made me speak gibberish, that is.” He ran two hands through his hair. “It was so easy talking to her. I guess I’ve always thought that, but now she actually listens, and that look in her eye when she’s about to make a cheeky comment…”

“Bloody hell, mate,” Sirius whistled appreciatively. “Could your sickening charm… be working?”

James fell back onto his four-poster, sighing. “I have no idea.”

Remus set his book aside and sat with his fingers in a steeple. “I think Lily can just tell that you’re being more authentic. She’s the smartest girl in our year, give her some credit.”

A crease formed in James’ brows, realising he hadn’t thought about that at all. He’d been desperately trying not to go overboard and show off when she was around, and maybe reigning in his nerves had settled hers, too.

“She thinks you’ve both grown up,” Peter said, looking surprised at his own contribution. He inspected his nails uncertainly. “At least, I reckon, I don’t know.”

Remus and Sirius nodded, and James got the funny feeling that he’d left his mates in the Common Room with Lily a little too long last night.

“Did she say something to you?”

Sirius grinned, “Ah, Prongsy, we can’t betray the confessions of a mate.”

James decided to let it go, and he shrugged. “She can reveal her secrets to you all she likes. She can do anything she wants, actually -- she can invite you for a sleepover and braid your hair for all I care.” 

“Funny, I really thought you’d want to be involved in a sleepover with Lily,” Sirius’ innocent smile was ruined by his wicked eyes. James lobbed a balled up jumper at his mate with precise aim. 

“You shut up. She’d skin us all alive if she heard you say that,” James warned, even though it’s not like he’d say no to an offer like that from Lily Evans. Even as his blood warmed at the memory of her sat on that very bed twelve hours ago. 

“I don’t know, Prongsy,” Sirius continued suggestively, “She didn’t have to sit quite so close to you at dinner last night.” 

Shit, he was definitely blushing now.  _ He  _ couldn’t afford to think like that. James had to make up a million reasons as to why she’d not care that her arm brushed his every few minutes - survival instincts, checking he was awake et cetera.  _ She’s your friend _ was his daily mantra. 

Remus stood up, smoothing out another of his thin cardigans, “I have no idea, but it certainly makes my life a lot easier when she’s not angry at you  _ all  _ the time.” His friend paused, deliberating. He turned to look at James. “What were you two doing at the Shrieking Shack?”

He meant to sound uninterested, but all four of them knew he was the complete opposite. Only his eyes reflected the nerves within.

James said, “Lily suggested it.”

Remus kept moving around the room as he spoke, tidying the drawers by his bed unnecessarily. “I told you. Snape probably told her… about what he saw last year.”

James grimaced in unison with Sirius and Peter, the former looking incredibly guilty. A singular memory of a clear night as James raced through the grounds to the Whomping Willow, Snape’s sour face both victorious and horrified at what he saw. Who he saw.

“Moony,” James said gently. “She doesn’t know. If Snape did tell her, she wouldn’t care anyway. You know Lily probably better than any of us,” He hesitated, and Remus looked up, his eyes revealing the vulnerability that his face hid so well. “Actually, she said she’s only sad that whatever is in the Shrieking Shack is lonely,” James couldn’t help the small smile that crept onto his face at the words. “That’s what she’s like.”

Pride warmed him.

Sirius got up to clap Remus on the back fiercely. “She’s better than the rest of us.”

He winked at James, “It’s only a matter of time before she remembers that.”

* * *

Lily and the other girls descended from the girls’ dormitory much later than usual after grilling Alice for all the details about Frank and completely missed breakfast. But Lily was in a much better mood when she appeared in the Common Room and the worry that people might talk was easier to ignore when she saw the Marauders occupying the area by the fireplace. 

Without permission her eyes locked onto the messy head of dark hair first, laid on the sofa trying to juggle three scrunched up pieces of parchment. She smiled to herself as she pulled out her wand. 

Four heads twisted to see them approach. Sirius waved manically back as James lost control of all three bits of parchment when he saw her - and they floated mere inches from his face. Lily, who had shot a non verbal hover charm from her wand, collapsed on the cushion next to him and laughed. 

“How’d you know I’d do that?” James grinned up at her. To his relief, she didn’t look as tired as him. 

Lily rolled her eyes to the sky, “Wild guess.” 

James shifted slightly to allow Lily to push herself back onto the couch rather than perch on the edge. She looked irresistibly soft today in a pale pink jumper and light wash flares. He still wasn’t used to her actively approaching him rather than ignoring him, and the pleasant surprise tickled his insides every single time. 

It had been just over twelve hours since he’d seen her last, traipsing up the stairway to her dormitory. He would be crazy to have missed the flash of white teeth when she laughed abruptly as though she was trying not to. It didn’t stop it being true. 

James sat up so that he was slightly closer, “Are you okay after yesterday?” He asked, picking a loose thread from her sleeve just to touch her however piously. 

“I’m feeling slightly less murderous. Is that classed as okay?” James could tell by her light tone she wasn’t in the mood to get into it again. She just leaned back, the curtain of red hair fanning out against the deep crimson of the sofa. 

James hummed appreciatively, “I reckon so.” 

“What about you?” 

He squinted at her with a smile. “Better now.” 

“ _ Hello, Lily,”  _ Sirius called suddenly, seeing as she’d utterly ignored them. 

With a start, James and Lily looked at their friends to see them all shaking their heads with mirrored grins. 

“Hello, needy,” Lily responded, feeling her face flame. 

Her tone was casual, but she promptly shifted so that she was leaning away from James, who threw Sirius a furious face behind Lily’s shoulder. When their friends lapsed back into conversation, James nudged Lily’s foot with his and she kicked him in return. The whining noise James made had Lily biting her lip to maintain her poker face. 

“Not bothering you is he, Lily?” Remus asked from the armchair beside her, faint smile playing on his lips.

“No more than usual,” she said airily and Remus grinned. 

James lifted his eyebrows. This from the girl who leaned into his touch yesterday?

As though she could read his mind, Lily’s eyes darted back to his and she pursed her lips and feigned innocence. The urge to touch her only got worse at the playful teasing in her eyes, but James didn’t want to attract attention that would make her freak out. So he nudged her with his foot again. This time, Lily merely rested her foot atop his, pressing slightly. Telling him she didn’t mind without telling everyone else. He averted his gaze as he smiled. James thought he might be getting better at reading her. 

“What’s everyone’s plans today?” Marlene asked, accepting a mint humbug from Peter where they sat on the rug. 

Sirius groaned, “Big plans. Huge. I have three essays to do and my will to live is currently at zero.” 

“Atta boy. It’s going to rain, you can take my place at practise today instead,” Marlene complained, but caught James’ unimpressed face. “I mean, I love Quidditch and respect my team captain.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” He rolled his eyes. 

Lily laughed and his face softened, making Marlene pretend to gag. Between her and Sirius, Lily would never speak to him again, let alone let her fluffy socks rest on him. 

She didn’t notice, though, because she only announced, “I’m going to visit Mark in the Hospital Wing.” James' head snapped up. 

Alice nodded, “The Third Year?”

“Yes, I want to make sure he’s coping all right. The shock may have worn off now,” Lily replied in a low voice, weary of anyone listening in.

“I’ll come,” James said before anyone else could speak. Sirius made a noise that he decided to ignore. “To see how Mark is,” he finished lamely. 

“What about Quidditch practise?” Lily asked.

Right. It was dangerous how quickly she distracted him. He waved it off, “McKinnon is very kindly going to start the warm up.” James cast a pointed gaze at Marlene who didn’t bother to look politely pleased. 

Lily shrugged. “We’d better go, then. I’m not having the team suffer like that,” she winked at Marlene. 

“Hey!” 

As the group laughed, James noticed Remus’ eyes drop to the carpet and Lily’s foot still atop his. She did too, and jerked her foot away like it was scorching hot. Remus looked apologetic, and looked like he might say something, but she merely smiled brightly and stood up. 

“Come on, Potter. Bring a jumper, it’s bloody cold in that part of the castle.” 

James didn’t need telling twice, and he leaped up off the sofa. Lily decided to wait for him outside. She was deathly afraid of catching Remus’ eye, knowing she’d turn into a human tomato the second she did.  _ Idiot _ , she thought, being all cosy like that. He was an affectionate prat. Shit, so was she. 

The jumpy look on her face worried James that she’d leave without him, just to get away from the prying eyes of their mates. She needn’t worry, though. They were very clearly laughing at his expense due to the speed at which he returned, pulling a woollen jumper over his head. 

“Merlin, James! That was five seconds flat!” Alice exclaimed. 

Sirius nudged her, “He’s worried about  _ Mark.”  _

Jogging past them, James held up his middle finger until he was out of the portrait hole. 

Lily leaned on the wall outside, lost in thought. His heart pinched at her serious eyes. She worried when he did not, but James just thought it was another reason they were perfectly matched. 

Her face softened slightly when she saw him, hair ruffled from where he’d pulled on the maroon jumper in a rush. Merlin, he wore quiet Sundays well. “Hey.”

“Hey yourself,” James smiled. It was far quieter in the empty Sunday corridors than the bustling Common Room. His voice seemed much louder. “Come on then, Trouble.”

Lily pushed off the wall and the small curve of her lips told James quite liked the nickname. As the minutes passed, Lily became more relaxed like she’d won an internal argument with herself. 

“You should ignore my idiot friends,” He ventured as they walked. 

“Mine are idiots too,” she hummed, thinking about their insistence this morning. Her hair swung as she turned to look at him. “Do you think I’m being weird?”

James took the excuse to trail his eyes up and down her, “I think you’re wonderful, Evans.  _ But,”  _ He dragged out the word. “The more I get to actually know you, yeah, you’re a little weird.”

Lily burst into surprised laughter and James' face split into a grin he was certain made him look like a starry eyed loser. She was personally coming to love that grin. Not that she knew precisely what it meant. 

“ _ Thank you _ for your honesty, Potter!” She said, humour still dancing in her eyes. Then suddenly she observed, “It’s better when we’re alone,” Lily immediately blushed, eyes dropping to her feet. “No - you know what I mean!” 

His stomach twisted and unfurled into a million knots. What was going on in her bloody beautiful  _ head? _

“I do,” He agreed simply, because he  _ thought  _ he did. Alone, they weren’t the circus that they’d created the past year. They weren’t Potter and Evans, they were James and Lily and they were friends. Good friends.  _ Confusing _ friends. He was a little touchy but her eyes had gotten so… lingering? 

James knew she was embarrassed being called out by Sirius. Would she feel so embarrassed if she knew how much he loved it? 

Or perhaps James had no idea what she meant. He was just a vessel for wishful thinking. 

Lily kept up her pace, but James matched it and walked so close he nudged her. She shot him a long suffering look. 

“James.”

“I’m a very clingy friend, Evans.” 

“I’ve  _ noticed.”  _ Noticed, over analysed, thoroughly enjoyed - same thing. 

His aftershave smelled so good she didn’t shove him away until they approached the Hospital Wing doors. 

* * *

James and Lily sat at the end of Mark’s infirmary bed on either side. They’d been there for the better part of half an hour and the image of Lily sat across from him was tough for James.

Last night she’d sat on his own bed like that, concerned and gorgeous all at once. He had assumed that Lily would only lay eyes on his four-poster to set fire to it one day. Now he was completely harassed with the image of Lily and his bed in an entirely different capacity,  _ not  _ helped by Sirius. 

_ This is the infirmary,  _ He scolded himself. _ Get it together, Prongs. _

James glanced at Lily now, her red hair pulled back from her face in a loose ponytail which curled over her shoulder. She wiggled a suspicious eyebrow which made his stomach flutter. He was getting pathetic - and  _ that _ was saying something because he’d been rather pathetic before (so Sirius again liked to point out).

“How are you today?” Lily asked Mark, oblivious to the chaos raging in James’ mind.

Mark smiled, “I’m fine, thanks. I was a bit shaky last night so Pomfrey made me stay but I think I’ll be allowed to go soon.”

“That’s good news,” Lily said genuinely, relaxing slightly. “And are you… worried?”

A raincloud shadow passed over his face. He sighed, “It’s not like I haven’t heard bad things before, about having muggle parents. I just didn’t really think anyone would pay attention to  _ me _ . Now I know they will.”

The two of them nodded gravely. Lily pulled on the hem of her sleeves, and the motion distracted James, who watched her carefully.

“Well, I don’t want you to worry,” she declared purposefully. “They should be worried about  _ us _ , Mark. That’s all it is. They’re threatened.”

“Evans and I have got your back,” James agreed. “And you can check in with us anytime.”

Mark began to grin in delight. “Saying hello to you is going to impress Cynthia so much.”

Lily laughed, amused at the younger boy’s excitement and James’ sudden humility as he shook his head.

“Who is Cynthia?” Lily nudged.

“Cynthia is a girl in my year,” Mark admitted, a reddish tinge to his cheeks. “She told me all about some essay you wrote last year,” He said to Lily. “And how she thinks the two of you are dead romantic.”

Lily’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head and she coughed to prevent something very rude coming out of her mouth.  _ Romance?  _ She was pretty sure romance was flowers and whispered sweet nothings! Romance was not deducting fifty points from her own house because James had removed all the tap heads from the Ravenclaw bathrooms when their Quidditch keeper had asked Lily out.

Before she could speak, the tap-thief himself beat her to it.

“Whoa, hold it, Mark,” James gestured between himself and Lily with an easy laugh. He couldn’t be caught telling random Third Years that he  _ wanted _ it to be a date after all. That was the only damn self made rule that James knew he should keep. “We’re just mates.” 

The invisible rope went taut between them. 

“Like, _ hello _ , not happening!” She agreed, desperate to show that she, too, found the whole idea funny. In fact, funnier.

He didn’t meet her eyes, and it was just as well because she’d decided to be offended he’d said it first  _ and _ so quickly.

Mark furrowed his brows, unconvinced. He shot James a confused look, “But you kept asking Lily out? The whole school talked about it.”

Lily’s skin felt hot. She didn’t know why somebody completely neutral like Mark saying it so blandly made her squirm. It was like she’d forgotten they didn’t just live in their own little bubble, and people loved to talk. She couldn’t judge – she was one of them. That was the thing about boarding schools: it felt like the outside world was a million miles away, and everything that happened within these stone walls was the pinnacle of the universe. And so often, what was happening was Lily and James’ blow outs.

James was contemplative when he responded with a small smile, “It’s true,” His gaze lifted to Lily’s. “But that wasn’t working out.” 

James was proud of himself - he hadn’t lied _.  _

Lily swallowed with difficulty. She was mutely registering shock – shock that those words caused a definitive tinge somewhere between her ribs. 

“Sorry, I assumed you were on a date yesterday,” Mark shrugged, looking extremely awkward in the way only a thirteen year old boy could be.

“No date,” she said like a gnome who hadn’t learned English.

James broke their eye contact to ruffle Mark’s hair with a small laugh, but he was just hoping to mask the needling disappointment that she had agreed so heartily. He shouldn’t let his heart get so carried away after one afternoon.  _ Friends, friends, friends.  _

Lily stood and folded her arms as Madam Pomfrey appeared from her office doorway, her youngish face still managing to be extremely stern. 

“You know where to find us, Mark. See you later!” Lily flashed him a fleeting smile that seemed harder to conjure now. 

James practically had to jog to catch up to her swift exit. 

“Evans!” He caught her up and she almost let the entrance door swing shut in his face. “Hey - Lily. Did I say something wrong?”

Lily glanced at where his fingers touched her sleeve, and she thought about how surprised she was that her skin didn’t glow red right through the material. She then realised James probably felt sorry for her hearing he didn’t like her anymore like that. He was so very sweet. He didn’t  _ need _ to feel bad. He’d only have to feel bad if she cared an ounce that he’d move on. And that wasn’t what was happening. 

She shook her head, “No, of course not. I would have said the exact same thing.” She smiled. “It’s just awkward, you know. We’re not… you and I aren’t… that’s…” Lily’s hands flailed between them. 

James cleared his throat, “Yeah.” His eyes lingered on hers for a moment. He’d never seen her struggle to shut down any rumours about them before. 

Hope, like a deadly air bubble, began blooming in his chest. 

James held onto her elbow for another second before releasing it to swipe a hand through his hair. 

_ Friend, friends, friends.  _

“I bet McKinnon is running my team into the ground,” He said suddenly. 

Despite the cacophony inside her head, Lily huffed a laugh. 

“There will be anarchy by now.”

Because he couldn’t possibly misconstrue it now he’d made his feelings explicitly clear - and also because damn it she just wanted to - Lily reached out and squeezed his hand. Like he’d held hers in this very spot last night. 

“Thanks for coming with me.” 

James trailed a thumb over hers, the rough pad from years of Quidditch leaving tiny goose bumps, before letting go a bit too soon for both of them. 

Shoving his hands in his pockets, he gave her his best lopsided smile. “I’d go anywhere with you.” He winked in farewell because not flirting with her a little bit when she looked so perfect in her casual Sunday morning way was not an option. 

Lily was struck by how much she loved his talent for putting her at ease. Even if the flirting made her brain and body clash. 

Then she was struck by how much she hated it when he walked away. 

* * *

_ Monday 10th October 1976 _

Marlene felt that she was a very laid back witch. In the McKinnon house, if you got paranoid quickly then you were going to lose your mind. That’s what three brothers and parents like Adelaide and Ralph McKinnon did. But this morning, nobody would not guess that Marlene was easygoing. 

She had practically bounced into Charms that morning, still reeling off of the high from a successful Quidditch practise yesterday -  _ after _ she elbowed James for looking all happy and dazed due to one of her best friend’s mere existence. Marlene didn’t even feel that put off by Benjy’s dimple cheeked grin when he sat down beside her. 

But then Lucy Diggory glided into the classroom. At least, she certainly looked like she was gliding to Marlene. She had noticed, amongst other things, she was a very graceful person. How gracefully she had sat in the seat  _ next to Mary.  _

Marlene had totally forgotten they were partners. 

It shouldn’t matter, but it did. It was freaking her out. They were two people completely separate in Marlene’s brain. Her best friend she had secret feelings for, and the girl who had managed to distract her from the former. They just  _ should not _ talk. 

“Is something wrong with your neck, McKinnon?” 

She jumped, and turned to scowl at Benjy. “What are you on about?”

He raised his perfect eyebrows, “You keep facing that way.” His eyes drifted to the direction of Mary and Lucy, politely working away together. A horrible icky feeling of panic crawled up Marlene’s throat. 

“I’m not!” She scrambled, and jabbed her thumb behind the two girls. “I’m just looking at… him.” 

Benjy’s nose wrinkled, “Caradoc Dearborn?”

Poor Caradoc, minding his business. He was always minding his business, actually. He didn’t seem to have any interest in anybody at all. Marlene swallowed.  _ Perfect, another bloody secret. I ought to keep a list.  _ “Yep, Dearborn.”

“Wow,” Benjy pressed his lips together. She had no idea if he was buying it or not. “You’re being really obvious about it by the way.” 

She flushed, and let her hair fall in front of her face to mask it. “Whatever, Fenwick,” she muttered. 

Marlene blew out a breath as she stared at the scribbles on her page. She needed to get better at this, at the hiding. 

At that moment, she heard Lily say her signature, “ _ Potter!”  _ and looked up. Even paranoid and miserable, she almost laughed at the two of them. James had almost turned entirely in his chair to face Lily, one arm resting across the back of her chair, which she flicked off with an annoyed huff. She sat facing forward, of course, but she did not hesitate to lean over James and fix something on his piece of parchment. Marlene wished she could photograph his face in that moment and  _ show _ it to Lily. But her friend was not ready, not yet. Their talk had made that clear. What was monumental enough, is that now Marlene could say ‘yet’ with the promise of ‘someday’. 

Ugh, love was confusing. Didn’t she know it? She envied Lily’s ability to even come partially clean. Marlene wanted to be brave, too. She was a bleeding  _ Gryffindor _ , so where was that strength now? 

“Now you’re staring at Lily,” Benjy blew a hole in her thoughts. 

She rolled her eyes so far back she thought she might lose them. “Shut  _ up _ , Fenwick. She’s my best friend, she won’t mind.” 

Benjy made a noise that sounded like an intrigued ‘hm’, but she ignored him. 

“I can’t believe she’s buying that Potter’s over her,” he said anyway. Marlene agreed, but it was irritating coming from him. “She’s so quick to believe that he’s not interested. I hate that.” 

Merlin, he was making several points today. She  _ was  _ going mad. “So do I,” she gave in. “She’s brilliant, but people she really loved have told her otherwise. That would really get to you.”

Benjy sighed, “Snape.” 

Marlene thought of Petunia Evans. “Among others.” 

“It is always the kindest ones.” 

Marlene smiled sadly at Lily trying to grab her things after James bewitched them to walk across the desk. 

“Is that why you’re such a prick?” she asked drily to change the subject. 

Luckily, he took the hint and laughed. He was most annoyingly right, though. Lily was the kindest. Marlene had to believe that she wouldn’t react badly. She  _ had  _ to. 

With a deep breath, she chanced a mostly automatic glance at Mary and Lucy. 

Mary’s dark eyes were already on her, and they both started when they realised. Marlene stuck her tongue out and Mary did the same. Behind her, Lucy smiled at the interaction, and Marlene looked away with an embarrassed smile before she blushed. 

She didn’t see the confusion on Mary’s face. Because Marlene wasn’t a ‘smile at strangers for no reason’ kind of girl. That was an Alice and Lily thing.  _ Not  _ a Mary and Marlene kind of thing. 

Mary shot a sneaky look at her pretty Charms partner, and wondered. 

* * *

Lily was undertaking a solo trip to the library. Her usual free period partner, Mary, had caught one look at her winged eyeliner in the bathroom mirror and fled back to Gryffindor tower to fix it. So Lily decided to try her luck with the Potions essay. Honestly, she could do without any distractions.  _ Ahem, Potter.  _

When she entered her favourite section near the back, she should have expected to see Severus, alone at a table she used to share with him. Annoyed, she sat down at a table as far from as possible whilst still in the section.  _ He  _ should leave, this was  _ her  _ spot. He’d simply hijacked it. 

She was tapping her quill frustratedly ten minutes later. There was a draft here, plus she could hear a study group on the other side of the bookshelf. She wasn’t convinced they’d opened a single book or inkpot, due to the constant flow of gossip. Well, at least she now knew that Selwyn almost cried when he received the lowest mark in his Transfiguration class. 

Another sigh. If James was here, he’d be adding stupid commentary to the group’s discussion just to distract her from Snape’s presence mere tables away. 

“ _ You mean Lily Evans?”  _

Her own name coming from the study group’s area pulled Lily back to earth. 

“ _ Well, maybe. All I know is that in the changing rooms Potter was talking about a girl. He could have found someone else.” _

Lily’s hand stilled, her quill hovering in mid air. It wasn’t a crazy idea, so why did her chest twinge like it did in the Hospital Wing? She supposed she’d just got him as a friend, and she could already lose his company to another girl. Which was… fine, because Lily was a mature young woman. 

Someone giggled,  _ “Perhaps he’s hooked up with Evans and the novelty’s worn off!”  _

That slammed into her even more than the first one. Maybe that was what would have happened if she’d ever said yes to him, anyway. The uncomfortable truth of it made her skin prickle, and suddenly she had no desire to listen to any of them anymore. Lily began to gather her things as silently as possible, heart hammering. 

“ _ Guys, stop it. I like Lily.”  _

In her haste to move, she couldn’t identify the voice of her defender though it sounded familiar. 

“ _ So do I, I’m just saying!”  _

_ Merlin, would they shut up for long enough to escape?  _ She stood, and for a moment considered going over there instead. 

“Lily.”

In her antsy state, her wand was in her hand in less than a second. It was Snape, having snuck up on his strangely light feet. 

“Lily!” Severus stammered in surprise, and for a moment he sounded eleven years old again.

It didn’t affect her like she thought it would.

“Leave me alone,” she ordered sharply. 

Snape paled, “I need you to listen-”

She spoke in a low, unforgiving tone. “If you won’t piss off, at least tell me you had nothing to do with Mark Willis.”

He blinked several times, quickly regaining his composure.

“I have no idea who that is.”

She scoffed, “A Third Year Ravenclaw who was messed with in Hogsmeade.” Lily’s eyes narrowed. “Muggleborn.”

Something unpleasant flickered across his features, but Severus schooled his expression and calmly repeated, “No idea.”

Lily ground her teeth. Merlin, she was sick of him and every entitled, talentless prick who thought they deserved something for being born into a pureblood line. She was certain he knew, but even if he didn’t, Severus certainly didn’t care.

“Look, Lily-” He began, but then his eyes were drawn to something over her shoulder, and he sneered instead.

Lily jerked her head, afraid she might about to be outnumbered –

But it was James, leaning against the end of a bookshelf a respectable distance away. She had no idea what he was doing in the library when he should be in a Muggle Studies classroom, but, Merlin, was she thrilled to see him. He was so brilliantly casual standing there in a way that would most definitely piss Snape off. Yet his eyes burned on Lily, telling her otherwise. 

She turned back to Snape, confidence from James’ presence giving her the strength to steel her gaze.

“Can’t you just be decent? I know my blood status offends you deeply,” she said scathingly. “But I swear, Severus,  _ leave the kids alone _ . Or you and I will end up much more than estranged.” 

It didn’t occur to Lily in that moment that  _ she _ was technically a kid.

Snape’s face had turned pink, and she felt a smugness that he was riled up. Why should she always be the one who got hurt? Lily snatched up her bag and stalked away, directly toward where James still waited like a gravity pull. His hazel eyes never left hers, concern and something like pride evident. It wasn’t until she stood before him, breathing through her nose and trying to control her temper that he smiled. It was small, and mostly in his eyes, but Lily felt it down to the tips of her toes.

James folded his arms as he searched her face for upset, Snape beyond her like a buzzing gnat. He was relieved she wasn’t hurt and barely held back from gathering her up in his arms. One, because she’d call him dramatic, and two, because he didn’t want her to think his affection was determined by Snape onlooking. James’ age old jealousy was unmistakably mirrored on the sour git’s face - the only thing the two had ever understood about each other.

“You okay?” James asked. Lily felt his minty breath disturb the air between them and became slightly heady from the rush of confronting Snape and being stood before a tall, comforting James.

“Yeah,” Lily said honestly. She pursed her lips and studied his tranquil expression. “How hard are you working not to hex him right now?”

James jammed his hands into his pockets and let out a low noise of strain, “Damn hard. Do I get points for that?”

Her mouth quirked, “House points?”

“Lily points,” He corrected, a muscle ticking in his jaw and a twinkle appearing in his eye. “Oh yeah, tons,” Lily confirmed drily and he grinned then.

His eyes drifted behind her to where Snape was still standing, stewing. Lily realised with a start that she’d already forgotten about him. 

“Jog on,” James advised, tone flat. 

Lily didn’t fancy sticking around to see Snape’s reaction, so she pushed James until they were round the corner of the shelf, out of her ex friend’s sight. James’ heart hammered, life flashing before his eyes along with a million inappropriate innuendos and images. He raised his eyebrows at her palms on his chest, a wicked grin spreading across his face. Because really, why should he focus on Snape when Lily was safe and in front of him looking the way she always did?

“Are we staying?” James enquired cheekily.

“We?” She quirked a brow, ignoring the glint in his eyes purposefully. “You should be in Muggle Studies, James Potter.” She frowned, hesitating. “What  _ are  _ you doing in the library anyway?”

The look on his face was completely guilty, but he managed to say, “Last minute book I needed.” 

The Marauder’s Map burned in his pocket. He’d been bored, perusing it in class when he spotted Lily’s dot mighty close to Severus Snape and told the Professor he needed to use the bathroom. 

Lily narrowed her eyes. “What a mighty coincidence,” she observed.

She had no clue how he managed to pop up at just the right moment all the time. He could tell her it was his natural heroic instincts all hours of the day, but Lily knew he had a trick up his sleeve.

James shrugged and fought a smile, a small dimple forming in his cheek.

“Come along, Potter. It appears I have to escort you to lessons now.” 

He pouted, “What if I want to stay with you?”

She levelled her gaze up at him, as though her heart didn’t pinch in response. Was he joking around with her? 

_ He could have found someone else. _

“I think you’ll recall that line has not worked in your favour before,” she said smartly, ignoring the intrusive thought. 

James frowned and gently wrapped on her forehead with his knuckles, “Hello, I’m looking for the Lily Evans who drank firewhiskey with me. She might say yes.”

“Oof!” Lily caught his hand and pushed it back into his chest, shaking her head. “She merely felt bad that you had just been dumped.”

“Pity shots, Evans?” James asked in mock disbelief and she couldn’t help it, she laughed. 

His gaze followed the way her head fell back and how she squeezed her eyes shut for just a second and his heart skipped when her hair slipped off her shoulders and exposed her neck. 

_ Friends, friends, friends,  _ James thought. 

“You’re so mean to me,” He pouted. 

Lily rolled her eyes, “Some things will never change. I’m still the only girl who seems to realise you need a regular slice of humble pie.” 

He thought she could have stopped at  _ I’m still the only girl. _

But Lily didn’t know that, and as they passed the group of gossipers when exiting the library, she cast her gaze to the floor and hoped he wouldn’t notice. 

_ Perhaps he’s hooked up with Evans and the novelty’s worn off.  _

* * *

_ Tuesday 12th October 1976 _

Lily was biting into a slice of jam on toast at breakfast when a letter fell from the ceiling and knocked it out of her hands. 

“Argh!” 

Marlene brushed crumbs off her lap from the collision. “That bird just doesn’t give a shit.” 

Lily shot a furious look at the enchanted ceiling, just catching sight of her owl Stevie swooping out of the Great Hall. Though the bird was named after the frontwoman of the muggle band Fleetwood Mac, she had none of her grace. She tucked the envelope under her plate and picked up her toast once more. 

Across from her, James tapped his nose with a lopsided smirk. Instantly, Lily rubbed the jam off her nose, glowering at his audacity to laugh. He just thought she was cute. 

“Ah! Post!” Sirius caught a small envelope in two hands with a grin. He ripped it open and unfolded it, his eyes crinkling as he read. He roared in laughter at certain parts.

“Who’s writing to you?” Marlene asked suspiciously.

Sirius passed the letter to James. “You know my cousin Andromeda.”

Marlene nodded, “Oh, yes, the  _ other _ black sheep in your family.”

Lily raised her brows in question.

“Bellatrix and Narcissa’s other sister,” Sirius explained to Lily. “She was here when we were First Years. She set the bar extremely high for me and married a muggleborn called Ted.”

Lily pulled a face, “The horror.”

Sirius put a hand to his chest in mock grief, “Utterly disowned.” He dropped his hand and his face cleared. “Thank Merlin, too, because they have a three year old now. Little Nymphadora will never have to deal with the Black family beyond me.”

“Nymph what?” Mary grimaced, making Marlene snort.

Alice cooed, reading the letter over James’ shoulder. “I think it’s cute.”

Sirius gave Frank a pointed look, “Looks like your children are going to have some odd names.” 

James caught Lily’s eye and she hid her laughter as Frank seemed like he wanted to disappear into a hole in the ground. Alice recovered quickly from choking on her orange juice and glared daggers at Sirius. 

“Every day the chances of someone shaving your head in revenge get bigger,” Remus commented like he would on the weather. 

Sirius clutched his locks protectively. “People are always jealous of their best looking mate.” 

“I’m right here,” James said dead seriously. 

“You think  _ you’re  _ better looking?” Sirius shot back. 

Marlene shuddered, “None of us want to hear about who James thinks is the best looking.” She smiled mischievously. “I don’t have time to hear a list of Lily’s best features.”

Lily rolled her eyes as the group all laughed in agreement - even James as he shrugged like he’d been caught out. She tried to ignore the pleasant warmth in her face and seized her own letter so she wouldn’t have to meet his eyes. 

_ To my darling Lily _

_ How is the world’s most brilliant witch? Your father insisted I write that before he left for work this morning but of course I quite agree. I hope you’re having a lovely time at school and not working too hard. You sometimes forget the play hard part when trying to prove yourself. Don’t make that face! I’m your mother, I know you’re making a face. At least I know the girls will keep you in check. Say hi to Marlene, Alice and Mary for me.  _

_ Not much has changed here - I can’t believe you’ve been gone nearly six weeks already. Your sister has gotten it in her head that moving to London and pursuing a job as a typist is the next big thing, so we shall see! I don’t know if I want her going to London just now, though. There are lots of funny stories in the news about disappearances and such at the moment. You always tell me that Hogwarts is the safest place in the world, but I can’t help but worry. If you weren’t such a headstrong girl I’d worry even more.  _

_ Not long until Halloween, do you have any plans? I know you love this time of year. Dad and I are off to the neighbours’ party. I don’t know what your sister is doing - she doesn't want to tell me anything! Missing our chats, Lilyflower. Any new romances you want to tell your old mum about? I need the drama!  _

_ Keep in touch and be safe.  _

_ Lots of love and hugs _

_ Mum xxxx _

Lily smiled at her mother’s slanted handwriting, but her eyes lingered on the paragraph about London. Disappearances? If they were ‘funny’ to a muggle they ended up being related to the magical world. 

“From Shirley?” Marlene held out a hand for the letter happily. Lily handed it over wordlessly, and Marlene’s eyes skated down the page. Her blue gaze flicked up at one point, and Lily knew she was thinking the same thing. 

“What?” Alice asked, noticing the exchange.

“Has anyone else heard about disappearances in London?” Lily glanced around the group, voice lowering. 

Everyone shook their heads except James, Frank and Remus. They all looked expectantly at them, frowns forming.

“You have to look for information,” Remus shrugged. 

Frank nodded, “Yeah, it’s back pages  _ Daily Prophet  _ stuff at the moment.”

“Back pages?” Lily repeated in confusion. “It’s big enough news for my muggle mother in bloody Cokeworth to know about it.”

Her eyes shot to James and he read them as clear as day.  _ I wish you’d told me. _

“I’ll write to my dad today,” James told her with a sense of urgency. Fleamont Potter would know what was happening as Head Auror. He couldn’t reveal any details in a letter, of course, but he would put Lily at ease. His father was like that. 

“Okay,” Lily pursed her lips and she took back the letter, written on pristine letter headed white paper that muggles used. Her eyes lacked the lightness from minutes before and James could barely stand it. Hoping he wouldn’t get a plate thrown at his head, he moved his foot forward and pressed lightly on it. 

Lily knew it was James’ pressing on her toes without looking, but she was past lying about simply wanting to see his face. To see the way his brows creased ever so slightly but his hazel gaze remained open and imploring. Though she was stressed about what she’d just learned, Lily relaxed and tilted her head at him. She crossed her eyes playfully just enough for him to be nothing but a gorgeous blur and he smirked in response, satisfied for now. 

Belatedly, a thick envelope landed in Marlene’s lap, shattering the general unease at the table. The blonde craned her neck to the Ravenclaw table and groaned. Loudly. Her brother, Billy, had gotten an identical envelope. At the same time, Mary squealed excitedly. It was she who grabbed up the package clearly labelled  _ Miss Marlene McKinnon _ . 

Lily dragged her attention from James - she was getting remarkably less subtle about it, a problem to stew over later - and snorted. She didn’t know a friendship group who adhered to postal privacy less than them. 

Marlene watched Mary rip open the yellow envelope, slightly disturbed. “Merlin on a centaur, Mare! Would you calm down?”

But Lily had just realised what was going to be inside, too, and she grinned, holding out a beckoning hand. 

“Mine, please!” 

Alice’s eyes sparked in recognition, “And  _ mine!” _

The boys fell about laughing at the grabbing hands. James was personally delighted at the way Lily was suddenly feral about an envelope. He knew exactly what was inside. 

“What is going on?” Frank was growing alarmed. 

Alice pulled out a piece of pink dyed parchment. “Our official invitations to New Year’s at the McKinnons!”

Frank cast an eye over the Sixth Years, still baffled. “Yes, but it’s October.”

Marlene laughed shortly. “You’ve been at the parties, Frank. You know my mother.”

James and Lily grinned in unison, for once in agreement about something. Adelaide McKinnon was rather high up in the Department of International Magical Cooperation at the Ministry, and she planned her own annual New Year’s Eve parties the way she would a Quidditch World Cup. She was fabulous and bubbly, and Marlene’s father was happy to let her run the show. 

“Best party  _ ever _ ,” Mary gripped Marlene’s elbow in excitement, so of course the latter couldn’t help but give in and laugh. 

Sirius read his own invitation with flourish. “We’ll be dressing to impress, right, lads?”

Only James had the decency to look half-excited at that prospect. His only incentive for dress robes was knowing Lily at least somewhat liked him in them. He had managed to make himself believe that she’d stared at him in the past when he wasn’t looking. Trouble was, James was  _ always _ looking at her. Every year he’d picked his jaw up off the floor when she arrived at the McKinnon parties. Last year had been a strapless dress and he’d pretty much passed away at the sight. Creamy, freckled skin paired with the clinging lavender chiffon and-

“Crap, we’re going to be late for lessons,” Remus interrupted his stream of thoughts. James stood up somewhat resentful. 

Lily narrowed her eyes at his guilty face, and for a skipping heartbeat he thought she might have guessed what he was thinking about. 

* * *

_ Wednesday 13th October 1976 _

The long tables in the Great Hall had been pushed to the edge of the vast room, creating plenty of space for the apparition lesson. James, Sirius, Remus and Peter marched jovially in to see the groups of Sixth Years milling around excitedly. James grinned when he caught sight of Lily perched on the edge of one of the tables, watching warily as Marlene shot different coloured sparks from her wand. The boys were already in step with him as he weaved through the students toward her, because at this point he was proudly predictable.

Lily had her red hair gathered up in a ponytail today with escapee tendrils falling across her face. She tucked the strands behind her ear and responded to something Marlene had said.

“I don’t want to lose my eyesight, that’s why!”

Marlene pocketed her wand at the idea of a blind Lily, but she was laughing.

“All right?” said James as he approached.

Lily’s flustered face twitched with what he hoped was happiness when she saw him.

“Just babysitting Marlene,” she said drily.

“I’m entertaining you whilst we wait!” Marlene protested.

“Consider me entertained.”

Sirius made a loud noise of exertion and James turned to see him stretching his arms like he was training for the ballet. Remus shook his head as several students turned to look – no doubt precisely what Sirius wanted.

James barked out a laugh, “What are you doing, Padfoot?”

“Limbering up,” Sirius winked at a Hufflepuff girl nearest to them. Marlene made a gagging sound. 

“I think the point of apparating is that you don’t need to move,” Lily pointed out.

James glanced over his shoulder at her best Prefect tone, but she caught his eye and smirked. It was hard for James not to tell her how beautiful she looked, leaning against the table casually with her hair pulled back and mischievous glint in those emerald eyes. He swallowed his words but took two deliberate steps closer.

_ Friends _ , he reminded himself when Lily’s response was to roll her eyes in a way that made his gut somersault. James leaned himself on the table next to her watching Sirius tousle his hair as the Hufflepuff approached him. 

A thought hit James, and he snapped his head toward Lily. “Is this what I look like to you?” He asked in alarm. 

Lily let out a surprised laugh. “Sirius doesn’t look at me nearly as much as you did.” 

James exercised restraint not to snort out loud. As much as he  _ did?  _

“I should hope not.” He sniffed instead. 

Lily glanced at him but didn’t respond. What the hell did that mean, he  _ hoped  _ not? 

James’ restraint dwindled every single day in her company. His heart was about to plummet down into his stomach when she smiled lightly. He shifted closer and nudged her. Now their arms lined up all the way from Lily’s shoulder but she didn’t move an inch away, instead snuck glances at him like the weak willed creep she was. She noticed the smallest growth of stubble on his face and had the strangest desire to run a finger along his cheek.  _ Except you won’t do that because you would look insane _ . She pulled on a loose strand of her hair instead. 

“What will you do when I can apparate away from you?” she asked, tapping her index finger on her chin in mock thought. 

James grinned mischievously, “I will be very proud and impressed.” Lily scoffed at that and muttered some colourful nicknames for him under her breath. On a whim, he pinched her thigh playfully and Lily nearly jumped out of her skin. “But I just don’t think you’ll  _ stay  _ away.”

James had  _ no idea  _ where the confidence came from, but all he knew was that Lily didn’t mind his flirty banter - liked it even. The effect was instantaneous. Her blush crept up from her neck and into the root of her hair, and she breathed in sharply taking all of James’ air with her. It was that delay that told James she wasn’t all that mad. 

“I can stay away from you very easily, thank you very much,” She raised an eyebrow at James, hoping to Merlin that her voice was steady even with the electricity powering her body from the one spot he’d touched her. “I’ve been doing it for five years.”

The chattering subsided in the Great Hall as the apparition instructors arrived, and Lily hopped off the table like she’d been scalded. James only smiled as he stood up and pushed his hands into his pockets so he’d quit flexing them anxiously. 

As if to prove a point, Lily marched over to where Marlene had found Mary and Alice, ponytail swinging. 

James stood by Remus, whose eyebrows were embedded in his hairline. 

“Is playing it cool meant to involve making Lily run off in a fluster?” His mate said. 

Lily met James’ eyes and raised a sharp eyebrow.  _ See?  _ She was saying. 

James laughed under his breath, “Absolutely not, Moony. But when I said I’d play it cool I never thought she’d look at me quite like that.” 

Remus smiled at the irony of the famously cocky James Potter being so oblivious to the way Lily had looked at him on  _ several  _ occasions now. 

If Lily thought that James was hard to ignore across the Great Hall (and he was), the paranoia that she was being talked about was far worse. Minding her own business, she’d managed to make eye contact with seven different students as they’d been staring at her. Lily might have dismissed it, but after the group she’d overhead in the library… She felt her gut squirm; maybe she shouldn’t have let James get so close like that. 

Was it their business? No. Did that stop them? Also no. 

Apparition involved a lot of initial theory which Lily would usually be interested in, but she couldn’t stop her eyes from darting around the room.

“You look like a chipmunk off its meds,” Mary hissed. “What’s wrong?”

Lily instantly smoothed her face out. “I think people are talking about me.”

“And James?” Mary nodded. “Yeah, I heard a Ravenclaw and Slytherin earlier.”

Typical Mary.

“Thanks a lot!” Lily whispered furiously. 

Mary sighed, “We spoke about this, Lily. People have always talked about the two of you. Not my fault you’re only just listening.” 

“At least last year they were just saying I hated James. At least that was the truth!” 

“That’s  _ not  _ what they were saying, Lil.” 

Mary looked as though she was stifling laughter, but the instructor passed by them, forcing them to be quiet. Lily settled for shooting a glare at her friend. 

She blamed herself, but mostly James for being the biggest flirt on earth. Nothing would set tongues wagging like the way he’d spoken in her ear and touched her leg -  _ totally  _ unnecessarily. Lily’s eyes snagged on him for the eighth time in as many minutes. He was chewing on his cheek with the effort not to smile. Smug git. 

She ignored him with an internal groan and found herself instead looking at Ruby Greengrass, who actually shrugged pointedly at Lily, no doubt remembering their conversation before Hogsmeade. A lightbulb went off in Lily’s head. 

When the lesson ended, Lily escaped her friends complaining about not actually apparating today, and jogged through the mass exiting the Great Hall. 

“Ruby!” 

The Slytherin turned around at the call, looking unsurprised. 

“Lily Evans,” her smile was like the cat who caught the cream. “You were holding out on me!” 

Lily didn’t bother to look even remotely clued in on what that meant, “Hardly.”

Ruby laughed, “You’re a regular spice, you know that? I’m obsessed.”

Lily hesitated, she didn’t exactly mind being considered a spice -  _ no, not the point.  _

“Ruby,” Lily said firmly. “English please? What was going on in there?” She jabbed a thumb at the students filing past. Even then, a couple of girls were already looking at her with interest. 

With a sly smile, Ruby folded her arms. “I  _ told  _ you, Lily. People were intrigued when Potter had nothing to say about you and Brailey. Then you dump Brailey and spend the entire time with Potter?” She clapped her hands. “A total curveball.” 

Lily grimaced. She was not coming out sparkling in that narrative. “Jesus, Ruby. Brailey’s just not my type, and Potter is my  _ friend _ . You’re like the school bulletin board, you’ve got to help me out here.”

Ruby was clearly flattered at the comment and Lily was fine with that. As bizarre as she was, Lily wanted Ruby on her side. 

“I don’t know how much damage control I can even do,” the dark haired girl admitted. “Some kids saw the two of you all chummy by the Shrieking Shack.” 

Lily’s instinct was to be victorious, the only person who’d been there was poor Mark, so they  _ couldn’t have-  _

“Damn.” 

Jerome and Rudy. Mark’s little friends must have had quite the field day. 

Ruby raised her eyebrows smugly. 

“If by ‘chummy’, you mean, a respectfully platonic moment between two friends, then precisely,” was all Lily could say in defense. 

“I like you, Lily. You’re smart and collected but also totally chaotic.” 

Lily blinked. “Right. Just… please tell people the truth for me?” 

James’ hearty laugh sounded out behind her, and panic sparked in her. He and the Marauders had stopped in the courtyard, and when James cocked an inquisitive brow she realised they were waiting for her. 

If she could solve this, he would never even have to know and everything would be perfect and normal between them. As normal as it ever was. 

“The  _ truth _ , Ruby,” Lily repeated insistently, and walked away from the grinning gossip. 

And perhaps she was a fool, because she headed straight for James before she even remembered why she shouldn’t. One corner of his mouth lifted as the other Marauders argued over something or another. 

“Back so soon?” He teased when she was close enough to hear. 

“Sod off,” she scowled. “I’m worried you can’t function without me.” 

“He can’t,” interrupted Sirius. His eyes lit up, “Oh, Evans. Be a doll and help us with something.”

“Padfoot,” James warned. 

“With what?” Lily asked suspiciously. 

Peter pretended not to hear James sigh. “We’re planning possibly the best cocktail ever created for the first Quidditch victory party in a couple of weeks-“

“Victory party?” Lily smirked at James. “Confident, aren’t we?”

“We might not win,” He said for the sake of Lily’s presence, but he exchanged a knowing glance with the others. 

“If you  _ don’t  _ win I might make some better friends,” she said cheekily and his eyes sparkled. “Now what makes you think I’d help you make a bloody cocktail? Did you forget that I’m a very responsible Prefect?” 

Sirius shook his head, “No, no, not making, Evans. Leave the mixology to us.” Lily’s eyes rolled. 

Remus grimaced, “They want your help breaking and entering, be warned.” 

“Slughorn’s store cupboard,” Peter supplied as Lily’s eyebrows shot up. 

She poked James in the chest. “Was this your idea?” 

He held his hands up, “Oi!” James grabbed the offending finger and Lily narrowed her eyes. “Quit manhandling me, Evans. Or I’ll do it right back.” She couldn’t keep touching him, he only had so much resolve. 

Lily pulled her finger from his light grasp, skin tingling at his suggestive tone. He was on bloody fire today, that was for sure. She switched her gaze to Remus before she could respond to James in an incredibly cliche and tedious manner along the lines of  _ you love it.  _

“A simple  _ alohomora _ won’t work on Slughorn’s supplies.” 

“That’s where you come in,” Sirius flourished his hands at her. “McKinnon once told me you’re handy with  _ picking locks. _ ”

James had the decency to look shocked as well as intrigued. 

“I-!” Lily protested before her arms dropped. “Fine. It's a muggle trick with a hairpin! I’m not a secret agent.” None of the boys looked convinced. All of them had been raised with magic and the art of doing things without it hugely impressed them. “I haven’t even said I’ll do it.” 

James, delighted with this knowledge about her, said, “You don’t have to decide now. Maybe once you’re in the mood to celebrate.” He winked. James would win that match purely to see Lily pick a forbidden lock. 

Marlene, Alice and Mary joined the little circle they’d formed like a bull would enter a glassware shop. 

“There you are, Lily! What’d you run off for?” Marlene demanded. 

“You’ve been blabbing all my lockpicking secrets, Mar,” Lily shot back for an excellent diversion. 

Her friend didn’t look guilty whatsoever, “Not my fault you’re so  _ multitalented,”  _ she grinned, pulling Lily under her arm and ruffling her hair. 

“Get off me, you mad cow!” Lily complained, but she was giggling. Marlene freed her and she stepped back into a solid chest. 

“ _ Oof _ , Evans, more aggression?” James steadied Lily, but the feeling of her so close to him meant he didn’t have the means to simply  _ not  _ softly pinch her side. 

His heart thumped.  _ Friends, friends, friends _ .

Lily jerked away and spun around to look up at his innocent looking face. “Stop that,” she ordered, but even to her own ears, the conviction was weak. 

The moment was shattered by a few whoops and hollers from a group of younger students, and Lily remembered they were in the  _ busy _ courtyard.  _ Talk about adding fuel to the fire, Evans.  _

She stepped out of James’ space, noticing the way his face changed and hating it. 

“Come on, let’s go and dump our bags in the tower,” Lily suggested to the group at large. 

Though she didn’t look at James, Lily caught Remus’ all too watchful eyes. 

* * *

_ Thursday 14th October 1976 _

Lily was, of course, on time for Defence against the Dark Arts that morning. She had perfected the art of moving whilst still half asleep, but now she was sat in her usual seat beside Alice finding it hard not to nod off. 

James was, of course, late. 

He’d completely missed breakfast – not that she was keeping tabs on him or anything. The Marauders swept past her as Professor Ling scribbled on the chalkboard, muttering to herself about the lesson plan. Lily clamped down on the upwards flick of her lips when his peppery smell hit her. She thought of apple scented ink, moments from the weekend flashing through her mind.

Lily shuffled her parchment and nodded when Alice complained about the rain forecast, but barely thirty seconds had passed before she heard a creak behind her, Sirius’ chuckle, and James’ voice  _ much _ closer to her ear.

“All right, Evans?”

“You’re late,” She said coolly, not turning around.

“Miss me?”

“Hardly, Potter,” Lily angled her head slightly to the left, but not quite enough that she would be accused of looking at him. “Alice has many qualities that you do not.”

Her friend beside her grinned.

James sucked in a wounded breath but she just knew he was bloody smiling. “Play nice,” He laughed lightly, and another creak signalled that he’d leaned back. 

Lily was most definitely awake now.  _ Prat _ , she thought fondly, biting her cheek to keep her cover under Alice’s scrutiny. Strangely, she did feel better with him near her as Severus’ sulking presence in the corner of the classroom was more poignant than ever after the incident. Lily had done a brilliant job at ignoring him so far, but still - she and James had agreed to look out for each other. She meant it, and the memory of James’ fuming expression assured her he did too. 

_ He could have found someone else _ . The voice from the library echoed around her mind once more. Who else’s life was being ruined by his smile? 

“Patronus!” Exclaimed Ruby Greengrass, making everyone including Professor Ling jump. 

Lily followed Ruby’s extended finger to see that their professor had indeed written the word on the chalkboard. Her own excitement bubbled at the prospect. Lily and her friends had been dying to know what their guardians would appear as the moment Marlene’s oldest brothers had shown off their own two summers ago. 

“Yes, yes, thank you, Miss Greengrass,” Professor Ling said placatingly. “Today we will begin our work with the patronus charm! For those who do not already know, a patronus is one of the most powerful defense charms in our world. It is the best and arguably only protection from dementors.” She looked around at her pupils’ expectant faces. She placed her hands on her hips, billowing sleeves making it slightly difficult. “I don’t want anybody getting ideas that they will be casting a corporeal patronus tomorrow, all right! It is an extremely complex spell that does not just rely on your academic talent.” 

Alice and Lily glanced at one another in confusion. Several others did the same. 

“If it’s good looks I’m feeling confident,” Sirius broke the silence and everyone but the unsavoury Slytherins laughed amongst a few wolf whistles. 

Professor Ling arched a brow, “You are not giving me much confidence that I will ever see  _ your  _ patronus, Mr Black.” More jeers followed, and Lily smirked. “Does anybody know what the key ingredient, so to speak, is? Mr Potter?”

Even Lily turned in her chair to finally look at him. She thought he looked a little tired, but it did nothing to ruin his stupid face. James had clearly been caught whispering to Sirius but he smiled with confidence and his eyes skated over hers before he said, “Your happiest memory.” 

Lily was torn between being impressed by him and annoyed that she’d forgotten. When Professor Ling nodded in satisfaction and moved on, James dropped his gaze to Lily’s narrowed one and winked. 

Ugh, she was definitely annoyed. 

“What about the forms they take?” Travers asked loudly. Just his voice made her bristle.

“An animal,” Professor Ling answered. “That has a special affinity with it’s caster. It could be obvious, or not.” 

Rosier spoke up next, “So, mine could be a fox and Evans or Macdonald a small baby bunny?”

“Oi!” James fired back sharply.

Marlene was next, retaliating in a bored voice, “We get it, you’re threatened.” 

Lily craned her neck to shoot Rosier a look that told him she was very clearly unimpressed with his vocabulary of insults. She hated that they’d mentioned Mary - she wasn’t even here to defend herself.

“Mr Rosier, that’ll be all from you,” Professor Ling stepped in, her dislike for him obvious. 

“Don’t worry, Professor,” Lily smiled blandly at Rosier’s pallid face. “We are merely having a disagreement because his patronus will  _ obviously  _ be a koala.” His sneer twisted into confused annoyance. Lily shrugged, “They spend their lives eating leaves that poison them. And they never change.”

The distraction of Snape’s anxious stare stole the enjoyment of Rosier’s irritation and Lily turned swiftly to the front, accepting Alice’s nudge of approval. To move the lesson along, Professor Ling produced her own patronus for the class: an impressive falcon. Lily clapped along with everyone else, desperate not to be brought down this early in the week. 

A few moments later, the squeak of James’ chair sounded again and his quill landed somewhere near her feet. Lily did a double take and frowned, but before she could swivel to ask him  _ what the hell he was doing _ , James was picking it up. As he straightened, his hand trailed her arm to finally squeeze her shoulder gently. The panic that someone would notice was overridden by the warmth of the gesture. Poor sod, he probably intended for her heart rate to go  _ down _ . Lily couldn’t help but sneak a look over her shoulder at him, only to catch Remus’ eye two seats back. 

_ Crap _ . She flashed him a guilty smile and faced the front so fast that her own hair whipped her cheek. 

_ What happened to saving face, you weak woman?  _ She thought angrily.  _ Do you want to be the girl who becomes affectionate with James Potter just as he moves on and makes you look like an idiot?  _

James’ eyes narrowed on the back of Lily’s head at the change in temperament. He usually loved the back of her head and stared at it willingly, but he’d been spoiled with her face lately. He turned round in suspicion to find Remus looking far too innocent, chin in his hand. Glancing at Professor Ling, James leaned back until his chair hit Remus and Peter’s desk. 

“ _ You’re going to scare her off,”  _ James hissed. 

“ _ I’m not doing anything! You’re the one who keeps doing shit like that in lessons.” _

James paused. Fine. His fingers had taken to tracing down her arm whenever he passed her in the corridors and maybe he all but jumped at the chance to pull a tendril of hair trapped in her scarf yesterday but he was only human! And Lily liked it. He was so sure he couldn’t imagine the way she reacted. 

Of course, James was running on one hour of sleep after the full moon and his brain could be shutting down as a consequence. He needed a mental cold shower.

  
  


* * *

Remus was having a real day of it. He sat alone in the Great Hall, the other boys having passed out in the dormitory as soon as lessons were finished. The full moon last night had wiped him out as usual, but he just couldn’t nap today, even though he was tired. It was a permanent sort of exhaustion that Remus had learned to live with and he’d gotten very good at hiding it from those that didn’t know his secret. When he saw Lily stroll through the magnificent doors, his stomach flipped with a familiar feeling that she should know. He would like it if she knew. 

But from the looks of things, she had had quite enough of her own emotional turmoil going on at that time. 

Lily dropped beside Remus on the bench. 

“We need to talk,” She said dramatically. 

Remus turned slowly, “I’m sure I don’t know what about.”

Lily groaned and the severity slipped off her face, “Remus, don’t make me spell it out. You are  _ quite  _ sure.” 

“Does it rhyme with ‘games’?” He asked innocently. 

Affronted, Lily grabbed a bread roll from the table and began pulling at chunks. 

“You are my only sensible friend, Remus, I truly mean that. I know that your Marauders are one service short of a cult, but I would hope that our friendship would count for something-”

“Lily!” Remus laughed. “You can calm down. Whatever’s going on with you and James is between the two of you.” 

Lily stopped attacking the poor bread in agitation, but her eyes widened. “There’s nothing going on, though. That’s my point.”

Remus laid down his knife and fork and turned to face Lily fully. “You’re not weak for liking James, you know that right? You haven’t ‘given in’, or whatever crap they’re pedalling.”

Lily bit her lip, “You’ve heard about that, huh.”

“Word travels like wildfire around here,” Remus shrugged. “But it’s all rubbish.” 

Covering her eyes in anguish, Lily’s head dropped like a stone against Remus’ shoulder. “Everything is changing so fast.  _ So  _ damn fast. I hardly know what’s happening, and then some people who don’t even know me want to shove their opinions around. They’re lucky I’m so even tempered,” she added as an afterthought. 

“Mm,” Remus pressed his lips together to refrain from laughing. She was many things and even tempered was not on that list. “It’s going to sound cliche, but they’re jealous. How many people can relate to being the object of someone’s affections quite like his for you?”

Lily smiled, “He doesn’t like me any  _ more _ , though. You’d think that would make them leave me alone.”

It took every ounce of strength that Remus had not to sell James out, to shake Lily’s shoulders and yell the truth. But it wasn’t his place, and he didn’t want to interrupt whatever pace they were taking things. For better or for worse, Remus trusted James’ instinct. 

His silence was confirmation for Lily about what she’d said. She looked away toward the enchanted ceiling. Remus shook his head in awe that people as brilliant as Lily were so quick to believe that someone didn’t like them, even when that someone was James Potter and he was incredibly obvious about it still. 

“Hey - why ask me about this? Not Marlene or Alice?”

Lily’s face cleared, this was an easy question for her apparently. “This just seemed like a Remus thing.” 

Remus’ chest eased at the way she trusted him. He’d been waiting for the right time to tell her about being a werewolf, and he knew that time was coming. It made sense, what with her becoming close with James and how she was already one of his favourite people. 

“You look tired,” she said suddenly. “You know studying here is a total waste of time. We should take some of this food and sit near the lake instead.” 

Remus was already closing his textbook. “What a phenomenal idea.”

* * *

When Remus returned to the dormitory later that afternoon, only James was awake, lying on his four poster and tossing that old snitch into the air. He sat up as Remus tread carefully around Peter and Sirius’ shut hangings. 

“You’re awake.”

“So are you,” countered James. 

“I was with Lily.”

James smiled slightly, “I was  _ thinking _ about Lily.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Now,  _ that’s  _ what I’m used to. Her hanging out with you and me lying here tormented by her.”

Remus huffed a laugh as he sank onto his own bed and rubbed his face. “And now?”

James fell onto his back again. “And now… nope! I still couldn’t tell you. I’m not blind, something’s changed. But what? Is it enough?” 

Remus let the words hover in the quiet for a moment. He didn’t know exactly what to tell him. Remus had suspicions, sure, but suspicions weren’t enough to raise his best mate’s hopes like that. 

“I think,” He said slowly. “That anybody else would have gone after another girl by now.”

“Like I’ve always said, Moony. There’s no point me trying with somebody that’s not her. It wouldn’t work. I could have a ton of failed relationships and I’d know the same as what I know now.” James was glad that Sirius wasn’t awake to roast him alive for more soppy talk like that. He groaned, “Or I’m mad, and maybe this is just what friendship with Lily is like!”

Remus snorted, “I’m friends with Lily and there is a distinct difference between our dynamic and yours.” James was comforted by that. That he wasn’t delusional and insane to wait and wait for a girl who had hexed him more times than she’d touched him. 

Remus pulled off his tie and yawned, “I’m going to have a power nap before dinner. I think you should, too, Prongs.”

He pulled his hangings closed, just glimpsing the snitch’s tiny golden wings unfurling as James let it go. 

* * *

_ Friday 15th October 1976 _

Lily felt like praising the founders of Hogwarts by the time six o’clock rolled around. The week had dragged on far too long for her standards; her body severely needed a couple of lie ins. Her mind, too, what with James making her thoughts yo-yo all over the place. 

She was just finishing up her rounds down the Charms corridor when a door opened and shut behind her. Lily whirled in the torchlight, wand gripped tightly.  _ You can hold your own in a duel _ , she thought furiously, ready for some Slytherins to stalk into view for some ridiculous, prejudiced-

“Really nice, Lily. Going on a date with Potter right after you walked out on me?” 

Lily exhaled in relief. It was just Thomas Brailey, securing his bag on his shoulder. 

She could have  _ laughed _ , but she suspected it wouldn’t go down too well. 

“ _ Hi _ , Thomas,” she said pointedly, putting her wand back in her pocket. “I did not go on a  _ date  _ with Potter, thanks for asking.” 

He scoffed nastily, and all his passable attractiveness vanished. “Everyone’s talking about it. Some Third Year caught you snuggling up by the Shrieking damn Shack.” 

Lily’s heart sunk. Mark. Crap. How come this spread faster than his  _ attack?  _

She felt her cheeks flame, equally as embarrassed as she was annoyed. So what, she leaned on James for ten seconds? They weren’t getting goddamn married! 

“I was just hanging out with my friend. I have nothing to apologise for,” she snapped, calmer than she felt.

“Your  _ friend.  _ It’s just nice to know I was right,” Thomas told her with a sneer. 

“You’re being pig,” Lily told him. 

Thomas’ nostrils flared and he jabbed a finger. “You’re being a complete tramp!”

Lily drew back from him and for a moment he looked regretful. She didn’t care. She was  _ sick  _ of people like him. He was another Severus Snape in a different body, they  _ all  _ were. 

“We didn’t work out,” Lily snapped. “Move on.”

She marched past him, but Brailey couldn’t resist. “I was under the impression that you loved it when guys  _ don’t  _ move on. I think I’ve got a chance, Evans!”

The nasty way he sarcastically spat her name was so jarring, so different to all the times she heard it roll off of James’ tongue. Furious, Lily laughed bitterly. 

“You don’t,” she observed him with disdain. She meant to stop, but the words were pulled from her, egged on by Brailey’s sheer entitlement. “You’re no James Potter.” 

_ Well, bollocks.  _

The clink of glassware accompanied Sirius as he rounded the corner, crate of stained potion bottles in his arms. He assessed the two of them standing stiffly across from each other. 

“This is a fun pair,” he said in a way of greeting. 

“We’re just talking,” said Thomas shortly.

Sirius' eyes met Lily’s, doubtful. 

“And I’m  _ not _ supposed to be in detention right now,” He retorted. 

Brailey frowned, annoyed. “What?” 

Lily had completely tired of him by this point, and she took the excuse. “Beat it, Brailey!”

He looked like he very much wanted to stay and call her a few more choice words, but Sirius and Lily’s twin glares won out. When his footsteps were nothing but echoes, Lily sighed and rubbed a hand over her face. 

“Twat!” She exclaimed. 

Sirius set down his crate, torn between concerned and enjoyment. “What wonderful things did he have to say?”

Lily snorted, “I’m a tramp who strings guys along. Catch up.”

Sirius looked disgusted, “To think I liked that son of a bitch.” His eyes squinted in the direction Brailey had gone. “We’ll get him later.”

Lily’s eyes widened, “No! You can’t tell James. He’ll go ballistic.” Or worse. He wouldn’t care. 

“Evans,” Sirius looked truly sympathetic. “He will hear about it somehow.” 

Lily groaned, "I hate it when you're right. It scares me." 

Sirius only winked. 

As Lily made her way back to Gryffindor tower, she couldn’t shake the feeling that certain people were whispering about her. Clutching her bag tighter, she sped up on the last few staircases as though she could outrun whatever they thought they knew.

Lily shut the door of the girls’ dormitory and leaned back against it with a deep exhale. 

_ You’re no James Potter.  _

“Merlin, you look like you need this,” Alice said from the floor, and she jumped. 

Her three friends looked at her expectantly, and Lily realised that Alice held aloft a cigarette. She surged forward and plucked it from her fingers. 

“Where in the devil did you get this?” She asked, falling onto the floor beside her. She pinched the cigarette between her pointer and index finger, squinting at it. 

Marlene was leaned against the cool window by her bed, Mary’s head in her lap. She wiggled her fingers, “A magician never reveals her secrets.” 

“Luckily you’re a witch,” Lily pointed out. 

Mary giggled, “She traded three Kipling cakes I gave her.” 

Marlene pinched her in the ribs, “Thank you very much!” She shrugged. “The guy missed home. I got a whole pack.”

Lily sighed and looked back at the cigarette she held. If anyone could use the calming of nerves right now, it was her. “I’m a terrible prefect,” she muttered as she put it between her lips. 

Alice grinned, “Yep.” She pointed her wand at the end, “ _ Incendio!” _

Lily took a drag before passing it back to Alice, “Some people reckon they’re bad for you.” 

“I take personal offence to that statement,” Marlene complained and lit her own. “Hey, Lil?”

“Mm?”

“You seemed pretty stressed when you came in. Are you still thinking about the disappearances?” 

Lily’s face clouded over and her gut twisted. So wrapped up in her own traumas, she hadn’t even thought about it today. 

“Oops,” Marlene bit her lip. “Now you are.” She looked genuinely sorry as she shifted Mary’s head awkwardly to crawl over. She rested her elbows on the carpet by Lily’s head and a disgruntled Mary rubbed the back of her head before doing the same. 

“It’s okay not to think about it all the time,” Mary was surprisingly gentle. “I don’t know how you cope worrying about  _ everything. _ I consider not thinking about those things a successful day.” 

Beside her, Alice nudged Lily’s elbow. “Frank worries a lot, too. Sometimes I think Dumbledore has spoken to him about stuff, you know, because he’s Head Boy. But he won’t even tell me.” 

Marlene reached her long arm over and flicked Alice’s nose, “What use are you, Fortescue? Snog some secrets out of him!” 

Alice made a disgusted noise and Lily heard herself giggle. Merlin, couldn’t she stay here forever? Laid on the floor with her best friends like they were twelve years old again and hiding out in a pillow fort. 

Lily sighed. She’d probably miss her parents eventually. Maybe even James. 

She plucked the cigarette from Alice’s grip and said, “You’re all right. Everyone and their mother is talking about Potter and I being friends. Brailey just tried to call me a tramp.”

“He  _ what?”  _ Marlene burst out, getting to her knees with a fury that would send most grown men running. 

Lily caught her sleeve, “Would you  _ sit?  _ Sirius turned up before it got ugly.”

“Merlin, what a jealous git!” Alice exclaimed. 

“He thinks I ditched him for James…” Lily slapped her palms over her eyes and groaned. “I sort of did.”

Mary frowned, “So? You don’t owe him anything. It was one rubbish date.”

“And now all these people are saying things about me and it’s not fair, because I still think James is a tosser, he’s just a funny, caring tosser who just so happens to be really good looking and I’m just so confused because apparently I don’t exactly  _ mind  _ that?” 

Lily heaved a breath and she felt the telltale warmth of tears behind her eyes. Three bodies instantly nestled into her with concerned coos and shushes. 

“Lily Evans,  _ listen to me _ ,” Alice ordered from her right. “Just because this school has decided they are owed information about your feelings,  _ they’re not _ . They’re dummies who couldn’t bag a girl like you in a century.” She paused. “People that actually care about you are relieved you’re done ignoring the glaring fact that James doesn’t look like a toad and you don’t hate him.”

“All that self denial doesn’t seem good for your health,” Marlene agreed. 

Lily pulled her hands away from her red eyes and sniffed. “I didn’t really think he looked like a toad.” 

She said it like she might announce her own death sentence and her friends laughed. Lily frowned and pushed herself up onto her elbows.

“You’re not acting very surprised!”

“No shit, darling,” Marlene patted her head placatingly. 

“You  _ wanted  _ him to look like a toad,” Alice chimed. 

Lily looked up at Mary through her eyebrows suddenly, “I’m sorry, Mare. You must have liked him to go on a date. This is weird.” 

Mary required a sharp elbow from Marlene to respond and she swallowed visibly. Alice and Marlene turned expectant heads towards her, smiling like cheshire cats.

“Mary,” Lily said, a little insistently. 

She looked a little alarmed when she said, “Right, right. He asked me, but I never fancied him.”

Lily sat up, “What? Does  _ he  _ know this?” 

“Yes!” Mary studied her nails with fascination. “He knew I wanted to make Benjy jealous. Like you said, he’s a good friend.” 

Mary neglected to tell her that it had also worked as a ruse to see if Lily cared about him at all. She wanted to remain alive after all. 

That fact, however, could have saved Lily from the mental triathlon she was doing. Because if Mary wanted to make Benjy jealous, perhaps that was James’ idea, too. Who else was there that day? Merlin, he’d been so pally with her she’d barely noticed anyone else. 

Lily didn’t notice the silent but furious argument that Marlene, Mary and Alice had over her head. 

Mary stuck her tongue out and said to Lily, “Were you annoyed at me for going to Hogsmeade with James?”

“That’s absurd,” Lily shot back, feeling the urge to stand. Run, even. 

“But you were acting so strange.”

“No, I…” Lily saw Mary’s perfect eyebrows raise and knew she was toast. “Well, it’s James! He was my mortal enemy, and stuff.” 

“Pfft. Is that why you went shopping with him?”

“He encourages my impulse spending.”

_ Bleurgh.  _ Forget lying to herself, Lily now sucked at lying to others.

Alice took pity on her and interrupted, “Are you going to tell him? About the gossip?”

“He won’t care,” Lily said defensively. 

Marlene whistled. “If he knows you’re upset he’ll be raging.”

Lily shrugged, “We’ll probably just laugh about it. It would only be weird if it was true.” 

* * *

_ Saturday 15th October 1976 _

Lily didn’t find herself alone with James until lunchtime, but when she spied him on the sofa in the Common Room on a glorious sunny day, suddenly she wasn’t thinking about Thomas Brailey. She was remembering that she hadn’t been alone with him all  _ week.  _ Had she showered? Why had she put on this weird old cardigan of her mum’s? She felt nervous in an entirely foreign way.  _ Idiot, it’s James.  _

“All alone out here, Potter?” she said as she came up behind him, forcing her tone to be casual. 

James smiled at the pages of his book. Finally. 

He wasn’t sitting there by accident. One glance at the map had told him that Lily was alone in her dormitory and he figured she couldn’t sleep in forever. 

See, James was fully aware they hadn’t been alone all week. Between her prefect duties, his Quidditch practises, homework and their different morning habits it was impossible. He was practically starved of her, the way she’d been when they were alone. 

“Nice of you to join me, Evans,” James didn’t shut his book but his gaze followed her as she circled the sofa to stand in front of him, arms crossed. 

“It’s gorgeous out,” She said. “Don’t you have some hair flipping on a broomstick to do?”

Lily had no idea why her tone was coming out so suspiciously but James smirked at that. 

“Such an attitude about the hair.” He shook his head to make it even scruffier and Lily thanked Merlin that her arms were clamped together.  _ Friends definitely don’t smooth out the soft hair that they’ve often - and recently - made fun of.  _ “You’re probably the only person who could ask me to shave it all off and I’d do it,” James said conversationally, his filter obviously having taken a nap. 

“Don’t you dare,” Lily protested before she even realised what was happening, and pressed her lips shut. Her eyes travelled toward the ceiling with great interest. “I mean, whatever.”

James’ eyebrows shot up, but his heart did a couple of cartwheels. He snapped his book shut and tossed it aside, relying on his ego for this one. 

“ _ I’ve always loved your hair, James. It isn’t stupid at all,”  _ he imitated what Lily could only assume was her voice. It was so ridiculous she traced her tongue along the top row of her teeth, trying not to smile. James cleared his throat and spoke in his regular voice, “Thank you, Evans. I wasn’t at all crushed when you said it was.” 

She met his eyes then, shining with mirth, and she laughed, pointing a finger at him. “God damn, James Potter. I’m so disappointed.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. I was bound to find out sooner or later.”

“Shut up,” Lily’s eyes narrowed as she studied James on the sofa, her mind deliberating. The Common Room  _ was _ empty. She turned around and fell onto the sofa with a sigh. Her head fell back on his arm and she was almost pressed against his side. “I’m disappointed that your wily charm makes me feel better.”

James looked down at her, heart zapping and smug levels rising. 

“Stop smiling,” she warned even as she turned into him slightly, arms folded in a show of defiance. But Remus was right, this wasn’t weak of her. She felt stronger, if anything. Like she had a few days ago, facing Snape with James’ silent support. 

“James,” Lily bit her lip. 

His head turned at her tone. “What is it?”

“It…” she placed a palm on her forehead. “Ugh, this is awkward.” 

“Awkward? Are we having a discussion about how Sirius leaves too many buttons open on his shirts?”

Lily shot him a look. “Potter, do shut up.” She hesitated. “We can talk about  _ that  _ later.”

James huffed a laugh and drummed his fingers once upon her knee before withdrawing his hand. He left burn marks.

“I’m sorry, I’m listening.”

Lily let her eyes rest on his, willing her nerves to stop running the marathon through her body. She exhaled slowly. 

“It would seem… that Mark’s friends didn’t get the memo that we are  _ not  _ in a... romantic relationship.” Merlin,  _ why was she talking like the Minister of Magic’s public relations manager?  _

James' shoulders stiffened ever so slightly, but his face didn’t change. “Right?”

“ _ So.”  _ She said pointedly.

James shook his head, “ _ So,  _ what, Evans?”

Lily dropped her hands on her thighs dramatically. “James! People are talking about us.”

“Oh.” James’ mouth formed the little ‘o’. He cleared his throat, “Does it bother you? What they’re saying?” He didn’t look at her. 

If it bothered her, would that look weird? Or would  _ not  _ being bothered look weird? James certainly didn’t seem particularly moved either way. Lily didn’t even know what impression she wanted to give him! Just cool, nonchalant. 

“You clearly haven’t been called a tramp this week.” 

Or not.

She had hoped her tone would sound light and snarky but instead she sounded bitter and annoyed - because she kind of was. 

James stiffened.

“Who said that?” He asked carefully. 

James' tone was low and anger streaked through it, and Lily’s blood jumped in response. He was trying not to show it, but a muscle ticked in his jaw. 

Still leaning on his arm, Lily thought looking up at him like this felt a little too intimate. A little too like something he should be doing with someone else. 

Lily grimaced and focussed on her lap. “It doesn’t matter  _ who _ . But can you believe that? Because of a bunch of false rumours and entitlement! Some boys disgust me.”

James’ face was oddly neutral when he simply said, “What a dick. Ignore him.”

“ _ Ignore him _ ?” Lily repeated incredulously. She couldn’t help it, she twisted to peer up at him. He wasn’t even going to press her for a name? Her gut twisted in unmistakable disappointment. 

James looked away into the fireplace. Face unreadable. Nothing.

The revelation hit her like a ton of bricks. 

Lily Evans wanted James Potter to care. 

When she started this conversation, deep down she thought he would react like he used to. That he’d demand a name and swear to hunt him to the ends of the earth with so much bravado it was ridiculous. And she’d shout at him for acting like a prat who had no right to do so, but her chest would feel as warm as her face. 

But he didn’t. That was Fifth Year, that was old news. And she’d hated it! 

Except… if that was true, a crushing disappointment wouldn’t be threatening her ribcage.  _ What are you on, Lily?!  _

Friends got angry, but not jealous. Why couldn’t she ever remember that he had moved the hell on? It was why they were able to be friends in the first place. And she  _ wanted to be his friend. _

Cheeks tinged pink, Lily continued, “Anyway I-”

“Do you want to go for a walk?” James said abruptly. 

Lily blinked. “What?” 

James stood. “Walk with me, Evans.” 

It was so bizarre that Lily hopped to her feet. She supposed  _ that  _ conversation was over. 

Breezing through the corridors together, Lily couldn’t help but trail slightly behind James to stare up at the back of his head, and the broad set of his shoulders. But he would slow down to match his pace with hers, and the simple sweetness made her feel even worse. She supposed that in all fairness it was jarring to have a boy like him stop caring about her. Lily was only human, and as she’d recently established, James was stupidly handsome. 

She had no idea what to say as they went, his hands in his pockets. So she defaulted, and tried to argue. 

“You know, usually it’s your fault that people are talking about us.” Lily announced suddenly, continuing from earlier. 

James snorted, genuinely amused. “I’ll take fifty per cent responsibility. Don’t you think the shouting attracted a little attention?”

Lily’s eyebrows flew up. “I wouldn’t have shouted if you weren’t such an idiot.” 

“Perhaps you should consider being an ugly shouter, Evans. Because even when you were having a go I didn’t mind one bit.” 

It was such a frank compliment that Lily almost stopped to process it. Crap, she was  _ so _ confused. He’d said things like that before, of course, and she’d made a scathing retort. But this James was possibly even more disarming because he wasn’t necessarily trying to charm her. He said it like it was a fact. The sky was blue and James thought Lily was pretty. 

But he hadn’t flipped out at all. She thought he’d be a  _ little _ more mad. 

Recovering, Lily furrowed her brows as they passed the greenhouses. “Sorry, are you late for something? Where the bloody hell are we going?” 

“Here we are,” James replied. He sighed, “Just where I thought.”

They turned a corner and Lily and James were faced with the sloping grass that eventually led through to the Quidditch pitch. James kept going, but erring on the edge of irritation now, Lily halted when she saw the Gobstones club gathered together. 

“Really, Potter? You want to play Gobstones so bloody urgently?” Lily snapped after him. 

Then she spotted who exactly was a member of the club. It was the first time that her heart had physically lifted at the sight of Thomas Brailey.

Oh, oh, oh,  _ oh, oh, oh!  _ James was mad. He was fuming. He was on his way to do or say Merlin knew what to Brailey, who didn’t deserve the time of day. 

A couple of students noticed James and they looked up in growing alarm. His hand twitched toward his wand just as Lily grabbed his arm, tugging him backwards and all the way into the nearest (thankfully deserted) classroom. 

James sighed in frustration when Lily slammed the door behind them. 

“Potter!” she chastised, but her blood was thrumming with pleasure. 

James’ anger finally unleashed, and he ran his hand through his hair, glaring through the closed door. He had tried to be chilled out, not go ‘full James Potter’ but it was impossible when Brailey thought he could even breathe funny near Lily and get away with it. 

“Come on, now, Evans. He’s an absolute prick who can’t say that to you and get away with it!” He protested. James would rearrange Brailey’s face for even  _ thinking  _ that about Lily. The goddamn nerve! 

Lily couldn’t believe she had to fight a relieved smile. She folded her arms, slightly out of breath herself from dragging Gryffindor’s star Quidditch player against his will. 

“How did you even know it was him?” 

James’ head cleared enough for him to look back at Lily and he scoffed, “I’ve been watching him look at you all week, Lily, I’m not blind. The stupid bugger really thought you owed him something.”

She blinked. Brailey had been looking at her? She hadn’t even thought about him. But James had. Her stomach pinched. 

“You have?” She asked, tone calculating. 

James stopped hopping from foot to foot in irritation to properly meet her eyes, the anger becoming softer. “Yeah, I… I don’t think you can tell when someone really likes you.”

Those words. They clanged through Lily like a distant bell she’d never seen, but had definitely felt in her bones before. 

James had clocked Brailey several times that week. He looked for Lily in every room, so he tended to notice when someone else did too. As soon as she’d told him, James had known it was that idiot. And he knew about the whispers, he just didn’t care. But Lily would, because she felt judged in every room she walked into, and she wouldn’t want  _ those  _ kind of rumours about him and her. It was so infinitely unfair that he couldn’t protect her from all of them.

“Let me go out there,” He insisted.

“No,” Lily replied simply. But she had a contemplative facial expression as she watched him. She bit her lip and he wished she wouldn’t. Not right now when he was attempting to stay angry. “I thought you didn’t care for a second there.”

James’ mouth actually opened in shock. She sounded… unsure. Lily was never unsure. James realised his mistake then, that he’d prioritised punishing Brailey over her feelings. He thanked Merlin that he now knew there were more important things than getting her to fancy him back. 

He shook his head and stepped forward, “How can you think that? Lily, it doesn’t matter how… this…” James gestured between them, “changes for better or worse, I’m always going to care about you.” He smiled sheepishly. “I just can’t help it.”

Lily smiled, too, her throat feeling thick with emotion. She was so bloody glad that he cared just that little more than a friend would. That if she’d let him, he would utterly rain hell on Brailey. And that meant she was in huge trouble, but right now she didn’t care. 

“So we’re agreed,” she smirked, and held out a hand for his. Not quite believing it, James slid his fingers through hers again. “Repeat this and you’re toast, James Potter, but I care a lot about you.” 

Maybe thinking that James was good looking and funny and warm was enough for now. 

His face broke out into a glorious smile. “If you want me to hex every blighter that says a bad word about you, I will  _ happily  _ do so.”

“I  _ don’t _ want that,” Lily insisted. She hesitated, nerves wracking her whole body. “But I didn’t realise… I like knowing that you would. Okay?” 

James’ throat visibly bobbed. Suddenly the classroom was a bit too stuffy and that thumb of his was a little too nice trailing her palm. 

“What?” He breathed. 

“Shut up,” Lily said sharply, but she was blushing to her hairline. 

Honesty. It was refreshing and terrifying. 

He couldn’t believe she’d admitted what she had - it made his heart soar because hope had given it wings. James wanted to crush her to him and fit them together but that moment was fragile. Too fragile just now, but maybe soon… 

Lily laughed under his sole focus, “We’re not great at being casual friends.” 

A flash of a smile that sent shockwaves through her. That made her think his feelings hadn’t entirely vanished. “You and I have never been casual about anything.” 

It was true. They were both alike in their passion whether it be love or hate. 

“Let’s go,” Lily told him. “That prick has wasted too much of my time already.” 

_ That and he might tell you what I said.  _

Lily pulled James out of the classroom without letting go of his hand. The words echoed through her skull when she glanced at him. 

_ You’re no James Potter.  _

James was all too happy to be ushered around by her. Lily’s fingers were soft and delicate between his and her emerald eyes were shy as they darted past the Gobstones club. James’ anger was completely overshadowed by the wonderful girl beside him who got more familiar with him everyday. The girl he was crazy about who wanted him to be mad about other guys - 

Perhaps he’d get Brailey later. Just for good measure. 

But right now, James had Lily. And whatever way he had her, he’d take it. 

Lily pulled her hand from his grip when they passed through corridors that were busier but she nudged him. His eyes roved over her face in a way that made her heart stop. 

Lily knew that she was entering deep, unending, James Potter shit. And it was all downhill from there. 

Or uphill, depending on where you stood. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lily couldn't stay in the dark forever!   
> Quidditch match next chapter and I think you're gonna love what's coming. I also already dropped the first mention of Marlene's NYE party because I've written like 50% of that chapter already I'm obsessed.   
> Ok, see you soon!


	9. James and the Art of Patience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one can put their finger on what’s changed between Lily and James, not even them. But something has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to my favourite people of all time!   
> This was originally going to be part of one chapter, but I got so carried away that I have split it into two, so that the Quidditch match is actually next chapter. This just means you’re going to get Chapter 10 a lot quicker than usual! It’s what you deserve! It’s a bit bitty, but I hope you enjoy.   
> To meringuepie17, nineandthreequarters, toffeeapple11, BrazilianWriter, vasymollo, and of course Nina - thank you for your reviews! I love reading them. And thank you to my tumblr readers <3 
> 
> Mmmkay enjoy some fluff and angst.

_ Sunday 17th October 1976  _

“Evans.” 

Lily concentrated on breathing evenly.

“Evans…” 

In. Out. Focus. 

“Lily.”

She had gone off her name years ago. Having matching floral names with her sister slash best friend had been brilliant when Petunia didn’t hate her guts. But she became bored of it, she thought it sounded weak and immemorable. 

Except for when James Potter said it. 

It sounded so pretty and light rolling off of his tongue. It sent goosebumps along her arms. 

She looked up and smiled slowly at him. 

“Bishop to F9.” 

Lily and James watched as her bishop smashed his knight into little bits. He exhaled. 

“You’re a wicked witch,” He said gravely. 

Lily folded her arms and leaned back in her armchair. “That’ll teach you for trying to distract me, Potter.”

James didn’t bother looking sorry for the amount of times he’d ‘accidentally’ nudged her foot under the table. “I thought we were supposed to be distracting  _ me _ .”

Lily’s eyes flickered. “I do not care for how suggestive that sounds.”

Her heart pinched at the roguish smile that lit up James’ face. She was getting so good at little white lies. 

“Flirting with me might really help,” James said earnestly, his jaw ticking with amusement. 

“Flirt with yourself!” Lily scoffed, but her blood bubbled under his attention because she was obviously flirting with him right now and couldn’t stop it. “I’m skipping lunch to be here, that’s all you’re getting from me.”

_ That, and a confession that I care about you more than average twenty four hours ago. _

Lily knew it was playing behind his eyes, too. She could tell by the way she caught him glancing at her, like he was reminding himself that it was real. That she, Lily Evans, had told James Potter she missed his irrational reactions. 

_ You and I have never been casual about anything.  _

She’d played his words on a loop all night and managed to end up more confused than when she’d started. She’d peer inside his mind like a lidded pan if she could. Lift up the top of that pretty head and find out what the hell feelings of his weren’t casual. It was imperative she knew in order to assess how much she should start panicking. 

They were alone in the Common Room as everyone else was in the Great Hall, but James told her, “We’re not skipping lunch.”

Frowning in confusion, Lily picked up her Queen off the chessboard and shot James an unimpressed look. “Thank Merlin I never said yes to a date, because apparently you treat girls to a slap up meal of wooden chess pieces.” She tossed it at him but his reflexes batted it away from his face just in time. 

“You are so  _ cheeky _ , Evans,” James smirked. “I don’t think I’ll share my big meal plans with you after all.” 

Lily rolled her eyes, fighting a grin. “Oh, go on then. So I can sleep at night.”

James’ face lit up, “I’ve been keeping you up, have I?”

Ha. If only he  _ knew.  _

“I said I am not flirting with you!” 

She so was. The way James’ eyes twinkled told her he knew it, too. She couldn’t help it, the way he’d looked at her all of yesterday afternoon and this morning made her  _ want  _ to.

He stood, abandoning the chess game, and held out a hand with so much flare she burst out laughing. 

“You’ll have to come with me to find food and survive. If you dare.” 

Something like happiness tingled all the way from Lily’s head to her toes. She might be missing Sunday lunch to keep James in the Common Room (he had awoken with a new urge to turn Brailey’s favourite parts into gillyweed and Lily had no interest in Brailey spilling what she’d said to him -  _ you’re no James Potter _ ), but feeling close to him was Lily’s new high. She batted his hand away but a pleased smirk crept onto her face. 

“Guess I’m following you, then.”

“Excellent idea.” 

* * *

James had barely slept a wink last night. He thought that was to be expected when Lily girl-of-his-dreams Evans validated something he’d felt for months, years even. She was realising that the little thread in her chest was connected to  _ him,  _ he was sure of it. Not even James could force a bond like the one they’d forged in the last six weeks. The way their friendship rapidly grew was like it had always been there, it was simply waiting for James’ head to slow down and Lily’s heart to catch up. 

Or he was sleep deprived and delusional. Another reason for the lack of sleep wasn’t just Lily’s feelings, admittedly. James felt a certain way about the pyjamas she’d worn last night, far too big on the top so that the fabric kept slipping down to show off her collarbone and shoulder. She’d shot him chewed-cheek, secret smiles all night as the group played several rounds of Exploding Snap. It was a hard bloody job not to throw in the towel to his long game and ask her out in front of everyone like he used to. 

“Isn’t the Hufflepuff common room near here?” Lily asked him, eyes searching for clues of where he was taking her.

“Perhaps,” James said slowly, glancing sideways to catch her adorable glower. 

They ducked through the entrance hall, glimpsing into the bustling Great Hall where the glorious smells of cooked dinner wafted out to meet them. Their friends were in there, one hundred per cent speculating about what on earth the two of them were up to. Sirius, James’ professional bolster man, would paint a horribly detailed picture of James seducing Lily. Remus would remind him to dial it down, Peter would guess Lily was hexing him and Alice would call them cute. Mary would say they were both weirdos and Marlene would gag if anyone made her think about James kissing over lunch again. 

Too bad James didn’t care as he ushered Lily down the staircase into a brightly lit corridor where all along the stone walls were vivid paintings of food. 

James grinned as Lily took in all of the wall hangings. Her lips were parted slightly as her eyes traced the colours. She loved bright things, and it echoed her sunlit personality-

“I’m going to be murdered down here, aren’t I?”

James sucked in a breath playfully. “Not that I know of.” 

Lily looked up at him through her brows. “Statistically speaking, one hundred percent of bespoke friendships between a smart redhead and a Quaffle fondling—”

“ _ Quaffle fondling?” _

“—prat end in basement corridors in front of a fruit bowl painting.”

James tweaked her nose. “You are just so funny, Evans. But can the comedy act wait? I’m trying to share something with you.”

Lily smirked as her pulse jumped happily. He was sort of cute when he was impatient. She mimed zipping her lips which was in hindsight a huge mistake. James’ eyes flicked down to her mouth to watch her do it and suddenly Lily didn’t feel like smirking. 

Hazel eyes jumped back to hers so quickly it was as though she’d imagined it. 

“I’m waiting,” Lily gestured to the corridor in an attempt to gain control back. 

James shook his head with a half-smile and muttered something like, “You’re a menace.”

He pointed up at the fruit bowl painting she’d mentioned. 

“Give the pear a tickle.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Go on.”

“It sounds like a euphemism.”

“Sounds like wishful thinking. If I were metaphorically asking you to tickle the pear, you’d know.”

“Potter!”

“Quite literally tickle the damn pear, please, Evans.”

Lily huffed and darted her eyes back and forth between the painted pear and James. He was so smug already, but now she was burning with curiosity. And also burning with embarrassment at the new metaphor they’d invented. 

_ Wishful thinking for whom?  _ She thought.  _ Nope, for neither! Shut up. Crap.  _

Lily reached out and tickled the painting, feeling utterly ridiculous. 

There was a pause, and she glanced back at James who looked expectant. Then a click sounded, and the painting swung open to reveal a door. 

“ _ No!”  _ Lily gasped. 

“Lunch is served,” grinned James.

Before them was the considerable Hogwarts kitchen, filled with  _ house elves.  _

Lily seemed stuck as her green eyes grew wider and her eyebrows reached for her hairline. James took the liberty of sliding his fingers between hers as he pulled her forward into the busy kitchen. She was torn between amazement and amusement as she waved back at the elves that beamed as she and James passed. 

“This is insane,” Lily whispered, and he could have sworn her hand squeezed his for a moment. “How many house elves are at Hogwarts?”

“Oh, tons,” James told her, as an elf jumped up and high-fived him.

“I feel so guilty, I’ve never noticed them before!” 

They reached a small wooden table in the corner near the ovens and James swiped a few platters of food before they vanished above to the Great Hall. They sat down opposite each other and he watched Lily whilst she was watching everything else. 

“That’s how they like it,” He said. 

Lily smiled softly. “They’re brilliant. Look at them go, he’s making the cheesecake!” 

James laughed and her eyes shot back to him, shyness creeping over her features. Merlin, she was perfect. And she cared about him. 

“How did you find out about this?” 

“That’s a secret for another day,” James tapped his nose and Lily rolled her eyes. 

“You’re a tyrant! My hair will go grey from the stress of wondering. Even you can’t top this, can you?”

_ Invisibility cloak, enchanted map, illegal animagus?  _ James thought, but he only winked and slid her a plate. Mother of Merlin, she had no idea. 

“Suit yourself,” Lily said smartly, but her eyes glinted with curiosity. She piled the potatoes, chicken, vegetables and gravy onto her plate instead. She was poised to eat when she looked up at James. “I doubt this is within school rules.”

“There she is,” James grinned as he stabbed a carrot. 

“Oh, shut up.” She relented and tucked in. It was somehow even more delicious down here in the kitchens with James than up there with the whole school, fighting for the last Yorkshire pudding. After a few moments, Lily became thoughtful, and said, “So, you still break a bunch of rules...”

James’ face was so guilty she giggled. “Umm, a few… you know. An average amount.” He answered uncertainly. “Are you trapping me into a detention?”

Lily scoffed, “I’m in here eating lunch with you. I was just thinking…” She chewed her cheek. Why the hell was she asking this? He’d think she thought about it too much. Or perhaps he wanted her to think about him?  _ This is so dumb, Lily.  _ “Where’s theatrical James?”

He wrinkled his nose. “Theatrical? I’m not  _ theatrical _ , Evans.”

“Over the top, big into grand gestures and making a crowd of people laugh,” She listed on her fingers. 

“I thought those were things you hated about me.”

“I never said that.”

James’ eyes were amused behind his glasses. “Oh, you definitely have.”

Lily grimaced. “Merlin, I’m sorry. I’ve been a right cow, huh?” 

James shook his head, not even entertaining the idea. “Are you saying you… what are you saying?”

“I guess I’m saying I miss that guy a little bit. He made me laugh.” She said honestly, not daring to look him in the eye. “When no one was looking, obviously.” 

James looked like he’d been hit over the head with a bludger. “He made you- I mean,  _ I  _ made-?”

“Look, I didn’t like it when you made fun of people,” She was getting flustered now. 

A hand went through his hair of its own accord, “Me neither. I was stupid.” 

His sudden embarrasment punctured her own, and she smiled despite herself, “You’re not completely stupid.” 

James began to smile back, like it was the best compliment he’d ever received. Lily’s heart took a running leap into her throat. 

“No?” He asked playfully with a look that could melt butter. Lily liked this side of him a  _ lot _ . Bashful, teasing, and a little soft. How many minutes had she wasted yelling at him across courtyards and in corridors instead of drinking in his smile, and the way it reached his eyes with a touch of nerves? 

“No,” She confirmed. 

The air between them hummed with electricity, and they basked in the silence. 

Suddenly, her breath caught in her throat. 

Never, for the rest of her days, would Lily forget the slip in James’ control in that moment as his eyes flickered down to her lips. 

His gaze jumped back up to her eyes, but he didn’t look embarrassed, or regretful, he only watched her. His smile dropped but he wasn’t any less warm. Lily’s eyes trailed curiously down to his mouth in turn, and she felt his gaze on her like a beam of light. As weird as it was to think, Lily thought James’ lips were sort of perfect.  _ Oops, weird.  _ She’d never thought that kind of thing before. A mouth was a mouth, right? She had been wrong. 

When she glanced back up at James, his gaze was like melted chocolate, darting between her eyes and lips with casual focus in a way that made Lily blush from her neck to her hairline. She marvelled at how playful he had been only moments ago, how much she had liked it. It was a scary thought, but Lily might like this James even more. Or the fact that he could be both so incredibly well. For the love of Merlin, where did that leave her? 

James must have been a fool to think watching Lily when she didn’t watch back was enough. He was the biggest idiot alive to think that he could ever live without  _ this.  _ Usually he didn’t care if she saw his admiration of her one bit, but this… this was different. 

It was a lot easier to be brazen about things when she was glaring daggers at him. Now her green eyes flickered with curious intent that made his mouth dry and sensation pool in his stomach and along his bones. 

* * *

_ Monday 18th October 1976 _

The past week had put Snape into a constant state of nausea and sickening, furious betrayal. It was growing like mould on his bones, and the only resolve was retaliation. Because having Lily back seemed less and less likely to be an option. 

It had incidentally also been a week since Avery and Mulciber’s idiotic attempt at attacking the Third Year Ravenclaw. Only in hindsight did Snape see that the worst consequence wasn’t the suspicion that might fall upon them, but the peculiar way it had bonded Lily and Potter. They were together almost every meal time, and in lessons it was all smirks and rolled eyes thrown across the classroom. Snape had seen Lily laugh so hard at his ridiculous story that she’d had to clamp a hand over her mouth. He’d seen Potter grab Lily’s satchel as it fell off her shoulder whilst she attempted to walk, braid her hair and eat an apple. 

This was his boiling point. 

Snape didn’t mind the rain. It was why he huddled below an archway during the Sunday afternoon downpour that soaked the school grounds and anyone who ventured out into it.

Like Lily. Like Potter.

“I bloody  _ told you _ ,” Lily’s voice signalled her presence before Snape saw her, turning the corner and looking out into the rain dismally.

He caught her red hair swinging as she turned to look at Potter, following her round the corner. Following her like he always did. His face was lit up in unbearable delight, half laughing at Lily’s hands on her hips.

“What did you tell me, Evans?” He asked, grinning like an idiot.

Neither of them noticed Snape because neither of them tore their eyes off the other. Familiar betrayal spiked in his gut as Lily tilted her head.

“I said it was going to rain and you could sod off to Potions by yourself. Now I’m going to get drenched, and it’s freezing.”

Snape watched Potter approach her, smile and stance like a feline advancing on its prey. To his bitter disappointment, Lily didn’t move away from him, but her eyes sparked and she chewed her cheek, one of her nervous tells. 

“But you’re far better at Potions than me, I would have failed miserably without you,” Potter pouted dramatically, looking down at her now from his close range.

Lily quirked her eyebrows, “I know that.”

“Bit cocky, aren’t you?” Potter smirked back, and Snape wanted to shout out in disgust at the entitlement on his face.

“Uh, pot calling the kettle black!” Lily said smartly and Potter fully grinned at that.

They joked about Potter’s arrogance like it was nothing, like she’d never even hated it. Potter didn’t deserve to be so close; he didn’t deserve the smile that dimpled her cheeks. She was being manipulated so painfully clearly to Snape, but she’d never listen to him.

“For all my pitfalls, you still came with me,” Potter reminded Lily. His voice had turned softer. It was playful but he sounded so sincere and Snape could sooner turn his eyes away from a car wreck.

“I must be stupid,” Lily remarked, but her tone lacked conviction. She glanced back out at the rain, and Snape shrank back. Even he could tell she was looking for an excuse not to hold Potter’s unwavering gaze. “Perhaps I learned that from you, too.”

“I’m wounded!” Potter clutched his heart dramatically, but mischief crinkled his eyes. He advanced another step; they were practically toe-to-toe. “Besides, I would never make you walk through the pissing rain, Evans.”

Potter’s hands squeezed Lily’s shoulders before trailing slowly down her arms, and Lily faltered. Snape turned away and wondered if her heart stopped at the same moment his did, wondering if Potter would really dare to do it, really dare to kiss her-

“ _ James! James, put me down, you bugger!” _

Snape snapped his eyes back in alarm to see that Potter hadn’t kissed her, but slung Lily over his shoulder like she weighed no more than a bag of flour.

“I said I would never make you  _ walk  _ through the rain!” Potter replied happily.

She thumped his back and protested, but she was shrieking with laughter as Potter darted out into the rain with her in tow.

“What is it with you and water? You’re like a dog!” Lily cried as she got carried farther away from where Snape stood. 

She threw a shield charm over the both of them, but Snape could see they were exceptionally damp anyway when Potter set her down on the other side of the courtyard in the dry. Laughing his head off, he shook the water droplets from his hair and Lily shouted a string of curses at him, but like everything with Potter – she had grown soft.

The image of his rival smoothing damp hair away from Lily’s face as they shoved each other and disappeared into the Entrance Hall burned in Snape’s mind, even as he made his own sodden way to the Slytherin Common Room. Lily’s laughter still rang in his ears when he sat beside the fire with the others. She had never been so… free. Not with him.

She had also never been so careless. Snape seethed, thinking about how he could have been  _ anyone _ hiding from their view and they wouldn’t even know, acting so silly. Snape could have been someone intending to harm Lily, and Potter could hardly protect her. They all thought they were so damn invulnerable.

“We’re talking about the Quidditch match coming up,” Avery barged in on Snape’s thoughts. He slouched on the sofa, malicious grin on his stout face. “Throwing around some ideas.”

Snape grimaced, “Let me guess, attack another mudblood in broad daylight?”

Mulciber snarled. “Nobody has even said anything about that little Ravenclaw to us!”

Snape flinched, thinking about Lily’s harsh accusations in the library.

“Don’t be so dense. They’re watching you now.”

It was Rosier who sneered, “Because you have such good ideas?”

“Yes,” Snape said stiffly. Flashes of Potter so caught up in Lily he didn’t even watch his own back struck Snape. “Cursing the mudbloods is poignant, but we can’t forget the mudbloods’  _ mighty protectors. _ ”

The rest of the group frowned in question.

“The blood traitors. Potter, McKinnon, Black, Fortescue… they all think they’re so safe.”

Regulus shifted in his seat, clearly uncomfortable. Sod him, thought Snape. It would be a test of his courage. Avery grinned. 

“You mean, give them a little scare?”

“Just a taste,” said Snape quietly. “To remind them they’re not invincible. They have made their choice, and traded away their status as purebloods like a Collector’s card! They would make a mockery of us.”

_ They can never keep her safe from what’s coming,  _ he finished silently. 

With that, Snape stormed upstairs to change his clothes. The grudging respect from his twisted peers doing nothing to quell the pain in his chest from Lily’s choices. He  _ had _ to show her.

* * *

  
  


_ Wednesday 20th October 1976 _

Lily glanced to the ominously dark enchanted ceiling of the Great Hall, as if the swirling stars would clear the fog of her mind that had been present for days. She exhaled, disappointed, still a confused,  _ I-wonder-what-James-is-doing  _ shell of who she used to be. 

“Would you say we’re more than  _ casual _ friends, Mary?” She asked randomly. 

“That makes it sound like we’re going out,” Mary was painting her nails instead of eating the roast chicken dinner. “Sorry, I’m not interested.” She said drily, blowing on the polish.

“Crap,” Lily muttered. 

“Why would you ask that?” Alice asked.

“Uh… I want to make sure I’m still on Mary’s Christmas present list,” she lied quickly. Alice was really too polite to show that she was unconvinced. 

Mary checked her watch, “Quidditch practice should be finished by now.” 

She was glad that Mary had said it so she didn’t have to. It was dinnertime, and they had no idea where the other three boys were, but Marlene and James had been at practise since lessons finished three hours ago. 

Alice shrugged as she tucked into her pudding, “You know what James is like in the weeks leading up to a match.” 

“Yeah, but the match is in ten whole days,” Mary complained and Lily’s jaw dropped open. 

“Do you want us to  _ lose?”  _ Lily demanded. 

Alice chuckled as Mary rolled her eyes. Quidditch manic Lily was not someone worth fighting. 

“You are so competitive, Lily. Anyone would think you were team captain! No wonder James is-” Mary cut off her sentence at a flash of warning eyes from Alice. Lily narrowed her gaze as it darted between the two of them gaping like goldfish. “No wonder James  _ is  _ captain. He’s just as bad.” Mary finished lamely.

Of course, she’d been about to blurt out  _ no wonder James is obsessed with you _ but she didn’t know if that kind of talk was allowed again yet. Alice closed her eyes briefly at Mary’s blunder and her even worse save. 

Lily was torn between interrogating Mary and being terrified that she knew what her friend was going to say.  _ No wonder James is over you? _ She visibly swallowed the lump in her throat because why was she afraid of  _ that _ outcome? Lily stood abruptly. 

“I’m going to get a cherry tart,” She announced before heading toward where Emmeline and Hestia had stolen the entire silver platter between them. 

As soon as she was out of earshot, Alice reached over and to Mary’s shock, flicked her nose. 

“ _ Ouch!” _

“That was painful to watch, Mary!” 

“There are so many  _ rules _ .” She grumbled. “If you’re so sure Lily is into James, why hasn’t she made a move?”

Alice raised her eyebrows. “I’m sorry, I don’t believe you’ve met my mate Lily Evans who overthinks everything and is proud enough to ignore what she wants,” she said sarcastically. 

Mary pulled a face, “Merlin, she really is blind. James caved in like five minutes on our fake date.

“She’s just not ready,” Alice said gently.

Mary hummed, “Well,  _ I  _ am. But Benjy has yet to ask me out even though we’ve hung out loads.”

Alice licked her spoon clean thoughtfully. She angled it at Mary like a weapon, and her friend’s eyes widened. “Why don’t you ask him? To the Quidditch party or something?”

Mary hiccuped in alarm, and sipped from her goblet meekly. “Because what kind of woman do you think I am?”

Alice rolled her eyes, “A brave one. Don’t tell me Mary Macdonald is afraid?” 

“All right, perhaps I will,” Mary said smartly, rising to the bait. She suddenly reached forward and flicked Alice’s nose in retaliation, and Alice shrieked with laughter. “We can’t all be so sickeningly sweet that the Head Boy is putty in our hands!”

Mary giggled at Alice’s immediate blush that was a little pleased. As she caught her breath, Mary finally spied a flash of gorgeous golden curls thrown up in a haphazard ponytail by the great doors. Marlene strode in, dressed in a familiar cable knit midnight blue jumper that Mary’s nana had knitted a year ago. Mary’s hand was half in the air in greeting before she realised that Marlene was talking to somebody Lucy Diggory. 

Lily conveniently slid back onto the bench, cherry tart successfully scored. 

“Ooh, Marlene!” She said happily, and her friends politely ignored the way her eyes scoured the hall for a dark head of messy hair, also. 

“That’s my Charms partner,” Mary gestured to Lucy, although she wasn’t really sure of her own point. “If Marlene’s hijacking my project, I’m going to be fuming…” She twirled a curl around her finger and glanced at Lily and Alice to gouge their reactions. “Do you think that’s what she’s doing?” 

“What’s with you?” Lily pulled a face, preparing for another Mary versus Marlene debacle. 

Alice wasn’t in the mood, either. “Come on, Mary. As if Mar would cheat off you.” 

“I didn’t say  _ cheat on me _ ,” Mary shot back quickly.

Alice blinked. “Nor did I.” 

“Right.” 

Lily and Alice traded facial expressions that Mary didn’t like the look of one bit. She cleared her throat, trying to shake the way she could have sworn she heard Alice correctly. 

“Mary… you don’t legitimately think Marlene making other friends is cheating, do you?”

“That’s insane,” Mary scoffed. 

“ _ We  _ know that,” Lily pressed her lips together. 

“Oh, sod off.” Although… Mary’s gaze darted to Marlene and Lucy, still laughing and chatting in the Entrance Hall. She exhaled and said quickly, “It’s just pretty odd that Mar would have a new friend and like, not say anything.”

Lily bit her lip and glanced over her shoulder also. Mary hung onto the consideration on Lily’s face like a slip of rope dangling in a well. A well in which Mary  _ knew  _ that part of her was utterly unreasonable. 

“Shh, she’s coming,” Alice warned. 

Mary and Lily caught eyes for a heartbeat, and the former knew that she had at least a sliver of validation. It wasn’t odd for Marlene to be sociable, but it  _ was  _ kind of odd for her to have a constant friend that the other Gryffindor girls barely knew. Usually, she would have shared the latest gossip or told them all about the brilliant perfumed nail polish they’d lent her. 

Marlene eased herself onto the bench beside Mary with a sigh of relief.

“We worked so hard tonight, I swear my  _ internal organs  _ are going to hurt tomorrow,” She grumbled in way of greeting. 

“I would  _ sell _ your damn organs if it means we beat Slytherin,” Lily said frankly, scraping her bowl. 

Marlene snorted at the return of Quidditch Lily. “Fine. Get a good price.” 

Alice giggled, “You’re worth a lot, I can tell.” 

Marlene blew Alice a kiss and turned to Mary, who was pouting slightly and trying to hide it. “And why don’t you want to make a bid for my innards?”

Mary smiled despite herself, and Marlene grinned back. She felt a surge of gratefulness for her best friend and leaned against her in a display of wordless affection that was natural for them. 

“You’re all gross,” Mary told them, catching Lily’s swift eyebrow raise. She obviously was expecting Mary to argue with Marlene over Lucy. Over nothing. 

All four girls jumped out of their skin when James suddenly straddled the bench beside them. 

He grinned at their distress, eyes sweeping over Lily twice for good measure. 

“All right?”

Lily jabbed her spoon at the air before his face like it was her wand, “Don’t test us, Potter.”

He’d clearly sped here straight from his shower, as those messy curls weren’t quite dry yet. Lily tapped the spoon threateningly against her other hand to stop herself from doing something bizarre like sorting his hair out. 

James shrugged, nabbing an orange from a golden plate.

“You’re all so jumpy.”

“We’re selecting organ donors,” Marlene informed him dryly. 

If James was alarmed by their start up business, he didn’t show it. He merely tossed his orange into the air and sighed. 

“That seems incredibly normal but I’ve got to go,” His eyes darted regretfully to Lily’s whilst also trying to detect any regret of her own. 

Lily didn’t bite. She wasn’t going to ask  _ why  _ like she was dependent on his presence to have a good evening. He could be going on a late night rendezvous with McGonagall and she wouldn’t care. At all. 

She exhaled and leaned her chin on her hand, letting the silence stretch into seconds. 

“Ugh,” Mary wrinkled her nose at the battle of wills. “Why, James?”

James shot her an easygoing smile. “Detention. The boys are already there. We collaborated with Peeves and it was not appreciated.”

Lily scoffed, but part of her was admittedly pleased he  _ wasn’t  _ secretly in love with their Transfiguration professor. She couldn’t wait to unwrap that when she couldn’t get to sleep later. That, and the body wash scent lingering on James so soon after his shower. 

Marlene, Alice and Mary each wore their own masks of despair at the two of them. Since the weekend, something had changed between Lily and James but it wasn’t clear what, or when, or why. It felt like a game of chicken had begun, and all of them were terrified for the outcome. 

James was no stranger to the extra nonchalance that Lily put up around their friends and the school, so he just nodded in amusement. After the few times he’d caught her looking at him lately, he didn’t care. His skin turned to molten lava when she touched him -  _ way _ too briefly, but definitely more often. 

On his particularly long days, James would count. 

He drummed his fingers along her forearm once and stood. “See you later, then.”

James whistled as he left the emptying Great Hall, swanning off not at all like a man going to serve detention. Lily peered at her arm see to where his fingers had been and fought the fond smile she knew was forming. 

“Not a damn word, please,” She said lightly to her friends.

* * *

James swung the door open to one of the dungeon classrooms to find Sirius with a stained cauldron over his head and Peter cackling with laughter at him. Remus stooped to pick up the discarded bottles that Sirius had clearly just swept off the shelf in his blindness.

“Wormtail, you bastard!” Sirius howled. 

James laughed in delight, and aimed his orange at his cauldron-headed mate. It bounced squarely off the pewter with a satisfying  _ donk _ . His friends’ heads all whipped in his direction, grinning. At least, he assumed Sirius was grinning. He was also swearing up a storm. 

“Oh, hi, Prongs,” Peter said innocently. 

Sirius heaved at the cauldron on his head to no avail. “Nice of you to join us!” He said sarcastically, his voice echoing. 

“It was McGonagall that told me I had to be at practise first,” James reasoned. Her lips had nearly disappeared in fury when she’d heard that he had landed himself in detention during Quidditch practise. She still wrote him a note that the caretaker was certain James had forged. 

“And you  _ didn’t  _ stop off at dinner to make wildly inappropriate eyes at a certain redhead?” Sirius challenged. James’ face turned immediately guilty, and even though his friend couldn’t see that, the silence was answer enough.

“Just for a sec…”

“Aha!” Sirius finally managed to yank the cauldron from his head. He shook his hair out like he did in his animagus form in the rain. “I know you, Prongs! At least tell me you’re going to kiss her at some point, mate.

James’ hand jumped to his hair. He shook his head, “I can’t ruin this, Padfoot. We’re really good friends right now, and I never thought I’d even get there! I’ve got to be careful. This isn’t some random girl, it’s Lily.”

He hadn’t told his mates about what Lily had shared with him recently. For the first time, his instinct was to keep it close to him. It felt distinctly private, and  _ theirs _ . 

“Hm,” Sirius nodded seriously. Then he strode over to Remus, who looked extremely alarmed.

“What’re you- stop that, Padfoot.”

Sirius ignored Remus, and dramatically stroked him from shoulder to wrist, batting his eyelids like a cartoon drawing. James folded his arms, he could let Sirius have his fun. It wasn’t like he didn’t  _ know  _ he was a bit lingering when he had the chance. Peter snickered, sitting himself on a stool quite happily. 

“Remus?” Sirius cleared his throat. “Did that feel very  _ friendly  _ to you? Or did it make everyone else in the near vicinity want to look away and immediately vomit?”

Remus winced. “ _ I _ would like to vomit.”

“Me, too,” said Peter.

James smirked at Sirius. “Maybe it’s you.”

“Gah! You know what I mean.” Sirius raised his hands, and quirked his eyebrows suggestively. “For what it’s worth, mate, I’m starting to think she wouldn’t mind the extra attention from you, if you know what I mean-”

Remus jerked his arm out of Sirius’ grip and brushed himself off. “We always know what you mean.”

James took one of the cleaning rags from the table and ran it through his fingers, mind flashing to the momentary pulses that Lily’s touch had dragged or her eyes dipped. “I’m trying to trust my instincts here. And it’s gotten me pretty damn far.” He was pensive for a moment. But then James grinned wolfishly. “Get used to the touching. If Lily is okay with it, I don’t give a damn about what you think.”

Sirius and Peter groaned, but Remus laughed softly like he didn’t expect anything less.

James snorted appreciatively, but his blood had gone hot just thinking about the idea. Was that insane - after she said she cared about him and that she didn’t mind his overreactions - to think she might want him? Just a little? Just enough?

* * *

  
  


_ Thursday 21st October 1976 _

Lily actually did a double take when she spotted James in the library, alone. He was seldom by himself, always surrounded by the Marauders and teammates, that the whole thing looked strange. Nice, too, she thought. He was rarely  _ not _ making someone laugh or giving terrible advice. Seeing him there was sort of serene. Lily watched him work for a full thirty seconds before she registered how creepy she must look, spying through the shelves.

Pushing back at the softness in her chest, Lily strode over to James’ table. He looked up and his face transformed into an expression that set Lily’s pulse off. 

“Is there a disaster coming up that I should know about?” She asked. 

James squinted at her, “Is this a riddle?” 

Lily shot him a look as she fell into the chair beside him. 

“You’re in the library,” She gestured to his parchment and books. “Like, unprompted. Without a gaggle of admirers.” 

The corner of James’ mouth ticked up at that last observation. He tossed down his quill, any work ethic flying out the window as soon as Lily was near. 

“I was just finishing up McGonagall’s essay.” 

Lily’s eyebrows flew up, “It’s not due for three days.” 

James looked grave, “You’re a bad influence, Evans.” 

“Imagine how I feel. Sirius helped me with my essay and it all made perfect sense,” She shuddered and James laughed. 

Lily pulled James’ essay to her and crossed her ankles as she began reading. 

“Are you staying with me?” James asked, hopefulness and surprise in his voice. 

“I’m a little bored to be honest.”

James wiggled his eyebrows and she flicked his face as he opened his mouth to no doubt say something completely criminal that would put her out of sorts for the next hour. 

“Never that bored,” Lily smiled sweetly, even as her stomach flipped. She narrowed her eyes at his essay. “Merlin, you’re annoying. This is so good, and you still managed to get two detentions in the past fortnight.” 

“I’m versatile,” He said seriously. 

Lily considered his messy script, “I know your secret, James Potter. You’re hard working.”

“Take that back, Evans.”

She sneaked a look at his light expression and her heart made a funny leap in response. Lily was becoming slightly overwhelmed with James’ little traits that she’d somehow ignored whilst shouting at him. She thought it was bitterly unfair that someone could be so laid back yet so studious when she felt like she broke her back staying ahead of the curve. Stupid, wondrous James. 

As Lily scanned through his essay, brow furrowed in concentration, James flicked through his textbook with a small smile. She sought him out often now, so much so that he really did feel like they were friends. Close friends. Plus… 

James replayed yet again how she’d slid her fingers between his and smiled so softly he thought he’d melt into the floorboards. When he woke up each morning, it took him a few seconds to remember that moment. Followed shortly by the jarring revelation that if  _ hand holding  _ was going to boggle his mind so much, then he really might die if she kissed him. 

Lily finished reading and dropped the pages into James’ lap and he was yanked into the present. “You better have this back before I attempt to plagiarise it.” 

James nudged her ankle. “Lily Evans doesn’t cheat!”

“What a beautiful day to start,” she shot back and rested her chin on her hand. Lily took a breath and admitted, “You know you’ve always been my biggest competition, James. Remus is brilliant, obviously, but he doesn't…”

“Challenge you?” 

“Show off, more like,” Lily deadpanned. “I’ve had to keep my eye on you.”

James was delighted by that, of course. Anything that involved Lily paying attention to him was always a win for James. 

“Don’t worry, Evans, I know you’re smarter than me.” 

His tone was teasing but the statement was completely genuine in a way that made Lily’s skin prickle. She felt a little bashful, which was a new reaction for compliments from James. Last year she would have agreed and insulted his intelligence for asking her out. Something like guilt coiled in her stomach and she nudged his ankle back. 

“You need to stop doing that. We’re both smart,” She refused to meet his eye, knowing he’d be smiling that  _ damn  _ smile. 

James’ eyes crinkled due to said smile at how randomly shy she could be. “I’m not  _ doing _ anything, it’s just a fact.” 

Lily blushed at James’ utter frankness. Everything was so simple to him, so easy. 

“You shouldn’t put yourself down.”

“I thought I was bigheaded?”

“The two statements can co-exist.” 

James let out a breathy laugh as he leaned back in his chair, and it was the first time Lily had seen him look visibly confused - or despairing. Oddly, it comforted Lily, who felt like she was left constantly baffled by James. It made her feel a little smug, too, come to think of it. She knew she shouldn’t, but now he wasn’t asking her out she had a lot of free time to obsess over what he was thinking. Lily  _ never _ thought she’d long for the day he’d be upfront with her. It used to be a challenge to get him to stop constantly oversharing. 

Lily also tormented herself with how good it was to hold his hand like she was twelve years old. But because she was Lily, award winning over thinker, she couldn’t help but wonder about his lingering overprotectiveness she’d admitted to liking. What was the damn meaning of that jealousy? Old habits die hard? The Gryffindor chivalry? 

Or did part of him care because he still…?

Lily blushed so hard at the thought it was like her brain was trying to scald it off her skull. There was no way she could find out. Lily needed a few centuries to recover from being so vulnerable with him in the first place. Besides, she was just  _ curious. _

James hummed. “You’re staring,” He commented without looking up. No matter what Lily thought, he was always paying at least twenty per cent attention to her. 

Lily made a surprised noise and then huffed. “Shut up, Potter.” 

She wasn’t even going to deny it. He fought to keep himself from pushing it, like the moment was a small rabbit caught in headlights that might scare. He found it unfairly cute that Lily would be embarrassed if she  _ did  _ find him attractive. He’d told her how gorgeous she was literally once a day in Fifth Year. 

Lily caught his eye again and cursed when he was already looking. She lapsed into silent laughter at the ridiculousness of it, and the air between them sparked. 

* * *

_ Saturday 23rd October 1976 _

It was so cold that morning that Lily and Alice could see their breaths in small puffs before them. The two Gryffindors were sat huddled together in the Quidditch stands and clutching mugs of hot chocolate like it was their life source. The wind was brisk and pulled the escapee tendrils of hair from Lily’s ponytail in every direction. 

She yawned in the crisp air. “I am so tired.”

“I don’t know why Marlene makes  _ me  _ do this,” Alice said mournfully, referring to their friend’s request to sit it on a practise before the match for moral support. “It’s not like I’m going to offer her pointers on her technique.”

Lily snorted. “She’s secretly superstitious. Because we used to do it all the time, she thinks that she’s good because of us.”

“She’s good because she’s just damn good!” Alice wiggled her fingers. “I am going to be fingerless just so that Gryffindor can win Quidditch.”

Lily turned her head around the stadium, biting her lip. “Mary is going to be the fingerless one when Mar sees she’s not here and chops them off. Where the hell is she?”

At that moment, seven scarlet and gold blurs of motion shot into the sky. 

Alice shrugged. “She got up early. Perhaps she’s been down there and will be up in a minute, you know she loves looking at the boys in their uniform.”

Lily seriously doubted Mary had gotten up early enough to accompany Marlene here, but she no longer knew how to form such sentences aloud because James had just flown to their end of the pitch. 

Lily imagined that getting hit by the Hogwarts Express going at full pelt might be similar to this. 

Mary might not be the only one who loved the players in their uniforms. 

Lily’s stance on James’ attractiveness had changed exponentially since she’d last watched him at practise around five weeks ago - as in, she was no longer obsessively denying it and sneaking glances whilst trying to look bored. Yes, somewhere in that timeframe Lily had lost the part of her brain that rebelled against how  _ good _ he looked in that uniform. Because it was hard to ignore. It should be illegal. 

It wasn’t just the robes fitting him so well, it was the way James carried himself once he was in them. He was in charge, he was a captain, and a bloody good one. The wind played havoc on Lily’s hair, but she couldn’t take her eyes off him. 

_ Shit.  _

“What?” Alice said loudly over the wind. 

Lily froze. She’d said that  _ aloud _ , oh, Merlin, think  _ quick -  _

Her friend followed Lily’s gaze to where James was running drills, weaving in and out of the other players. 

Alice’s delighted peals of full on laughter rippled out, “Lily!” She clutched her chest and her shoulders shook. 

James swerved in the sky, jabbing his thumb at the goalposts behind him whilst he yelled at their Keeper, Ted Singh. James Potter, popular prankster, had been left on the ground, for sure. Lily had the crazy urge to fan herself in this dire cold. 

She glowered as Alice gasped for breath between giggles.

“Stop laughing!” Lily demanded. “I am having a crisis, woman!” 

“It’s not a crisis,” Alice wheezed. “Your brain is finally catching up with your eyes!” 

“What’s that now?”

Alice poked Lily in protest. “It’s not! You used to tell anyone that listened that James wasn’t as good looking as he thought he was. We all knew it was complete rubbish, and now you do, too, because you’re not being stubborn and actively disliking him.”

Lily swallowed with difficulty as James caught the quaffle with ease and pelted it to Marlene. Alice had clearly been sitting on these little facts for a while. It made her wonder how many other people had cottoned onto what she thought was a fantastic guise. 

“I never pretended!”

Alice barked a sharp laugh this time. “You can’t lie to me, Lily. I’ve got eyes!” Her face turned gleeful, “And I was there at New Year’s Eve after you stole your dad’s gin.”

“Alice Fortescue, keep your mouth shut right now!” 

Lily grimaced, not caring to remember whatever she’d said about him after spiking her own drinks. Right now she was stone cold sober and thinking that James looked so good she’d have to start bringing smelling salts to matches. 

He shot past at that moment, tossing Lily a wink that had her heart pounding. Alice shrieked in delight at the precise moment she realised that her friend was right. Lily had done such a stellar job of telling everyone she didn’t think James wasn’t attractive because of his personality, but now she knew that his personality was actually infuriatingly great, she no longer had the grounds to deny it. 

Ted Singh did a loop in the air before them, which Lily would have found very impressive had it not been for the very distracting sight of James laughing at Fern Dawlish and her boyfriend Leon Hatch colliding mid air. 

“Any nuggets of wisdom for me?” Ted called out to them.

“Don’t let in any goals?” Alice suggested sweetly. Lily snorted, drawn back into the conversation. 

She yelled out to Ted, “Don’t forget to stop favouring your left!”

Ted’s eyebrows went up, considering. 

“Oi!” All three of them turned their attention to James, who had noticed them. He spread his arms out questioningly, “No flirting with spectators!”

Lily and Alice laughed simultaneously at the huge hypocrisy of James asked-Lily-out-mid-match-one-time Potter. Marlene mimed falling off her broom behind his back in shock. 

“Evans told me to stop favouring my left!” Ted protested. 

Lily could have sworn James’ eye twinkled as he shook his head knowingly. “You should probably listen to her, mate!”

Lily felt warm all over, annoyingly pleased at his validation. If him backing up her Quidditch advice wasn’t the hottest thing of all. 

After a gruelling two hours, practise ended and James flew directly over to Lily and Alice in the stands and cast them a lopsided smile. His gaze slid over Lily twice for good measure, her face pink in the biting wind. He felt sweaty and tired and he probably looked a damn sight, but he’d had to listen to her laughter ringing out across the pitch and somehow ignore it all morning so he had no choice but to catch her now. 

“How’d we do?” He asked them both. 

Alice was suppressing a grin, “I think you passed Lily’s test!”

Her sentence ended in a fit of smothered giggles and a sharp elbow from Lily. Her eyes went slightly wide and she was blushing, and although James had no idea why, he loved it. 

“Ignore her, she’s delirious from hunger,” She told him. “You’re going to be great.”

“Thanks, Lily,” James said appreciatively, and she smiled in a way that touched her eyes more than her face. 

“Will you tell Mar to be as quick as she can?” Alice asked. “I’m so hungry.” 

James nodded, “Sure. She usually changes pretty fast and chats to some Ravenclaw, though.”

Lily’s eyes sparked in curiosity, and James just shrugged. He was pretty sure Marlene would start hexing him if he asked her who she hung out with. 

James ran a hand through his hair and Lily suddenly cast her gaze away from him, pursing her lips. She stared in interest at the sky as James shot a puzzled look at Alice, who shot a closed lip, thoroughly entertained smile back. 

“See you later, Fortescue,” He said, laughing slightly. “Evans.”

“Bye!” Lily said quickly, and he almost missed the way she looked him up and down. Grinning, James took off toward the ground. For the love of Merlin, he was either going insane or getting extremely lucky.

* * *

  
  


_ Monday 25th October 1976  _

Mary’s cauldron was in danger of boiling over. Her wit-sharpening potion had more chance of sharpening a rusty knife. She was seriously suffering in Potions without Lily on their table, who was instead saving Peter from melding his ladle into his cauldron. Mary frowned and tugged a frizzing wayward curl behind her ear, but it only sprung free again. 

“Miss Macdonald, your potion is a rather interesting shade of orange!” Professor Slughorn observed, pulling a wary face. 

Marlene rolled her eyes and peered into Mary’s cauldron herself, “You’ve only forgotten the newt spleens. Easy fix.” 

Slughorn glanced at Marlene with a similar trepidation to when he observed the bubbling pot. She pushed a small glass bowl half filled with newt spleens over to Mary, who looked disgusted. 

“Oh, gross!” She complained before snapping her mouth shut and shooting an apologetic look at their Professor. “I’m sorry, I mean…” 

Slughorn knew precisely what she meant, and moved away to Lily and the other boys’ table, muttering with despair. Mary’s skin flushed with embarrassment. 

“Ignore that old goat, Mare,” Marlene elbowed her. “Add your spleens,” she added, voice full of teasing.

Mary balked, “Just do it for me, Marlene. Please?” She pouted and Marlene rolled her eyes, scooping some of the horrible slime into her cauldron. The colour faded almost instantly. 

“Honestly!” Marlene shook her head. 

Mary grinned, but it was their usual routine. Marlene rarely said no. She was stubborn, but incredibly caring at heart. She hadn’t even been too angry that Mary had skipped the practice on Saturday morning, even though she usually went on about luck and tradition. Benjy had suggested an early morning study session, and Mary was not only eager to see him, but also massively behind on Defence Against the Dark Arts homework. Irritatingly though, he hadn’t kissed her in the stacks. Yet. 

Marlene had simply said it was  _ all good.  _ She didn’t even roll her eyes back into her skull at the mention of Benjy’s name. 

Often when they were younger, Mary thought of Marlene as her guardian angel. As a muggleborn, Mary had started Hogwarts terrified and lonely, and she didn’t have Lily’s small (somewhat doomed) friendship with Snape to prepare her. Alice was of course unfathomably sweet and Mary and Lily helped each other navigate the magic world, but it was Marlene who never stopped trying to bring her out of her shell. She joked that sometimes she regretted it when Mary was being particularly irritable. Marlene had always been confident, tall and unfairly pretty, plus she knew everything about everything and had a lot of friends already. But she took Mary under her wing. 

And more importantly, she’d never let go. 

“I’m so excited for the match,” Alice said suddenly, stirring her cauldron. 

James looked up and grinned, “Me, too.” He glanced at Marlene as a thought struck him. “So are a lot of people. Who  _ is  _ that Ravenclaw that has turned up to practise a couple of times? Diggory…?” 

Marlene suddenly became very interested in her bowl of ginger roots. “Uh, Lucy?” 

Mary’s head snapped up like a hawk. Was this why it was  _ all good?  _

“Lucy Diggory has been spying on your practises?” 

Marlene met Mary’s eyes, “She’s not spying!” 

James snorted, “Ravenclaw aren’t keen to play Slytherin next month, they’d hardly sabotage Gryffindor.” 

“Is she your friend, Mar?” Alice asked. 

“Kind of, I guess,” Marlene responded. “Barely. We’re not close.”

James’ and Alice’s eyes briefly caught in concern at Marlene’s weirdness. 

“Close enough for her to watch you practise?” Mary said just short of demanding. She had the horrible feeling that Marlene was lying to her, and they just didn’t  _ do  _ that. 

“She’s not _watching_ _me_ ,” Marlene protested. “She probably fancies Ted Singh.” 

Mary raised her eyebrows, “You should ask her seeing as you’re best friends.” 

Marlene made a scathing noise, “Aren’t you a little old for this now, Mare?” 

Mary bristled, but her blood flushed hot with annoyance. She could have gotten over all the pressing conversations that Marlene simply  _ had  _ to have with Diggory, but turning up to Quidditch practise? Merlin, she’d broken tradition and Lucy Diggory had slid into her place like a venomous python. Yet this girl clearly wasn’t willing to make any effort to get to know them all, seeing as she’d said bugger all in Charms.

James decided to back Marlene up, because he had never seen his old friend go red like that, and Mary looked ready to dump her ruined potion over someone. 

“She definitely fancies Ted,” He agreed confidently. “That boy never lets the quaffle in and has those deep brown eyes, why wouldn’t she?” 

“Do  _ you _ fancy Ted?” It was Lily, banishing the tension like a dream. She smirked as she came to rest her elbows on the table beside Mary. James’ hand jumped to his hair instantly and Marlene snorted despite being incredibly grateful he had just saved her. 

“I don’t kiss and tell,” James winked at Lily. 

“To what do we owe the pleasure?” Marlene asked, desperate to keep the diversion going. 

Lily pulled a face, “Slughorn told me that someone was struggling,” She slid her eyes to Mary. “I’m not naming names.”

Mary scowled, “He  _ is  _ an old goat.” 

Lily began to help Mary rectify her potion, in between subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle glances at James who was now grinning like the cheshire cat. Marlene took the opportunity to make up an excuse about needing something in the store cupboard and now exhaled in the cool air, surrounded by jars of pickled ingredients. 

The truth was that Lucy had been catching up with her a lot lately. It wasn’t a huge deal, but Mary getting a bee in her bonnet about it wasn’t good news. It  _ made  _ it a bloody massive deal. She’d meddled with James and Lily, who knows what she’d get up to with Lucy if she thought it was worth it? Marlene’s heart pounded faster, the mere image of Mary finding out her secret from somebody  _ else  _ making her stomach churn. 

Marlene knew her best friend, and truthfully she could be slightly possessive. Not, she thought bitterly, in the romantic way - the way that Marlene wouldn’t have minded. Who was she kidding? She would have loved that. No, Mary had historically gotten irritated if Marlene made new close friends, as though they would replace her. She had no idea what it was, perhaps insecurity. She got annoyed if people did things that threw off her plans and routine and apparently, Lucy Diggory was doing just that. 

The cupboard door creaked as it was eased open, and Lily stepped inside. Her face was the colour of concern, which wasn’t surprising as Marlene knew that Lily had been reading her like a book all week. 

“Is everything okay?”

Marlene grabbed a random pot from the shelf. “Yeah, fine!”

“Oh really?” Lily frowned, eyes sliding to the pot. “Because you don’t need shrivelfig to make a wit-sharpening potion.”

Damn Lily and her quick brain. 

“Are you avoiding me?” Her friend asked, worrying her lip. 

“What?” Marlene raised her eyebrows. “We spend every single day  _ and _ night together. How would I even do that?” 

Lily sighed, “Okay, not  _ me,  _ exactly. But when I try and ask you what’s wrong.”

Marlene’s rib cage felt increasingly tight. “What would be wrong?”

Lily folded her fingers together. “Ah, more evasion.”

“No!”

“Fine, will you talk to me later?”

“I might be busy with homework,” Marlene said, internally cringing. 

Lily let out a sharp laugh. “And you haven’t prioritised homework since first year! You can’t just bottle shit up inside you, Mar.”

Marlene stumbled on a retort before grabbing another jar from the shelf at random. Great, now she was just stealing to avoid talking to her wonderful, concerned best friend. 

Lily nodded. “I get it, okay? I just need you to know that I’d listen if you decided to talk.” 

Sometimes, Marlene felt so open and vulnerable that she was sure her friends could read the turmoil on her face like the morning newspaper. And yet other times, like this one, Marlene was mentally snapping all of the doors and windows shut and filling the cracks and crevices. 

Regret felt bitter on her tongue when she met Lily’s emerald gaze. “Thanks, Lil. I know that.”

She also knew that Lily would needle it out of her sooner or later. 

“Come on, before Slughorn decides to squeeze in here as well,” Lily joked and Marlene laughed.

“Horrifying.” 

Marlene blew out a defeated breath as she prepared to face the lesson again, almost wishing that Mary was as replaceable as she feared. But there was no chance of that. Stupid brilliant, hot tempered, pretty basket case. 

“We thought you’d locked yourselves in there,” James said evenly when they returned, sweeping crushed scarab beetles into his cauldron. 

Marlene didn’t look at Mary, a costly action. 

“I need frequent power naps to deal with you,” She shot back at James. 

Lily tutted and reached over to pluck the corked bottle of armadillo bile out of his hands before he added it too soon, but her eyes were watchful of Marlene again. Waiting for a ticking time bomb to go off. 

* * *

_ Friday 29th October 1976  _

Another fierce storm rattled the castle that night. Lily, Mary, Sirius, Remus and Peter were sat in the armchairs by the roaring fire. Sirius had scrounged some marshmallows (Lily had grinned conspiratorially when she saw them, now knowing exactly where those Marauders got their endless supplies) and they toasted them over the flames. James and Marlene were at practise again, the last one before the match tomorrow. Lily was loath to admit she missed James’ presence in the group dynamic. He provided a balance that she hadn’t noticed before. She felt like all she did was notice new things about him now; her old list for him labelled ‘irrelevant’ in her brain had undergone a dramatic name change to ‘worryingly relevant’. 

“Watch you don’t burn yourself, Pete,” Remus warned gently as the shorter boy went to toast another marshmallow. 

He drew his hand back but said glumly, “I’d do anything to keep warm. It’s not even November and I haven’t felt my toes all week.”

Alice perked up from her nestling beside Frank. “Lily made me bluebell flames you can carry in a jar.” 

Lily flashed her eyes at Alice before smiling sweetly at Frank. “But those aren’t allowed, Alice,” she said pointedly.

The Head Boy laughed, “Don’t worry, Lily. I’ll even take some next time.”

Alice blinked up at Frank, her heart in her eyes, “He’s very cool.” Frank pretended to smoulder, making Alice laugh until he squeezed her tighter. 

Lily snorted, but her chest suddenly ached with the longing she didn’t know she had for that kind of closeness with someone. 

The portrait swung open, revealing a thunderous amount of noise for only seven people, James and Marlene bringing up the rear. Obviously, Lily didn’t turn her head with everyone else because she couldn’t care less.

“All right, good work tonight. Please try and sleep as early as you can, yeah?” James was instructing his teammates as he and Marlene headed for the hearth. The team high fived and whooped, filtering off to their dorms or to sit with their friends. 

Lily had always liked how much effort James put into Quidditch. He really cared. And as last Saturday proved, she had absolutely no problems with the uniform and his general demeanour on the pitch. So what if she liked the authority in his voice as well? She was very invested in the  _ team, _ thank you very much. 

Marlene tweaked Lily’s nose as she passed and shimmied herself between Mary and Sirius on the sofa. “What a beautiful weekend to trounce Slytherin,” she announced dreamily. She accepted James’ high five as he stepped in front of her to sit on the wooden coffee table – unashamedly, directly in front of Lily.

“All right, Evans?” He said, and Lily’s eyes narrowed when his knees knocked hers. 

Marlene sniggered, “Save your energy for the match, James. Making those eyes at Lily is exhausting.” 

Lily stiffened and her cheeks flushed pink.

“He’s not making eyes,” she said, before realising that she probably shouldn’t have said anything because she never  _ used _ to defend James when he absolutely was making eyes at her. 

There was a collective sound of disbelieving noises at that, and she sunk lower into the chair. James laughed, unbothered, and he tapped her knees as he asked about her evening, which absolutely did not help.

Marlene watched as Lily jiggled her knees but did nothing to actively push his hands off. She may have a huge secret, but she thought Lily might have one, too. James and Lily had been growing more familiar every day, and it was hard to remember that at the end of June, Lily had utterly ignored James on the Kings’ Cross platform before summer. Marlene – and the rest of the school – could see that James was over the bloody moon at the growth of their friendship, but Lily kept putting it down to “that’s just James, isn’t it?” She smirked despite it all and rested her head on top of Mary’s, who complained about her hair getting flattened but didn’t budge. 

James traced his index finger lightly across Lily’s palm. She didn’t move, but she narrowed her eyes.

“What are you doing, Potter?” She had to force her voice not to sound as melted as her brain felt when his touch left a small trail of fire across her skin.

“Palm reading,” He responded, smile soft.

Lily snorted, “That so?”

“Mm.”

“What’s in my future?” Lily asked. It was a joke, but her tone sounded odd.

“A tall, dark and handsome stranger,” Marlene suggested from the sofa, looking highly impressed with herself.

Sirius winked at Lily as he tossed a marshmallow into his mouth, “Sounds like me.”

James frowned at his best mate, “I’m taller than you, Padfoot.”

“Remus is taller than both of you,” Lily teased, grinning at her friend across the table. 

James squeezed Lily’s arm gently, and her eyes snapped back to his. His gaze was narrowed playfully as he lowered his voice so that the others couldn’t listen in, “Looking for more proof that I can still get a bit funny about other blokes, Evans?”

Lily’s stomach pinched. He hadn’t been  _ that _ forthright about their conversation for the whole two weeks since. He was clearly chuffed by it, but he didn’t ask her out or do anything he used to. She supposed validation never got old, even if feelings had changed.

Still, her body was more than pleased to go along with occasions such as right then, with James making random ministrations along her palm. Lily thought she must be ridiculously touch starved to allow him to do so, especially in front of their friends. But he brushed his fingers over her arm or shoulder so frequently now that Lily had started to forget it was unusual for everyone else. Plus, it had made that moron Thomas Brailey practically cry in Charms the other day. Lily and James had both enjoyed that.

Realising she hadn’t responded, she shot back, “Shouldn’t you be off to bed, Captain?” 

James' fingers stilled and his eyes were mercilessly wicked. 

_ Hang on, that was supposed to sound disdainful, not suggestive.  _ She was undoubtedly blushing the colour of her hair. For Merlin’s sake, she was losing her touch with him so close. She wouldn’t let herself look affected by it, though. 

But James was blushing, too. Lily was sort of obsessed with managing to make James Potter blush.

“Evans,” He said evenly, hazel eyes unwavering. “You ought to go to Azkaban for saying things like that.”

“Shut it, Potter,” Lily replied as lightly as she could manage. Embarrassed, confused, and pleased raged war in her brain. “You know damn well I meant that if you lose tomorrow just because you’re sleep deprived I’ll never speak to you again.” 

James clamped down on his grin, “If I’m sleep deprived it’s because you’re making comments like that.” 

“You’re deluded,” Lily said lightly, even as her pulse rocketed. Could he feel it from where his hand rested on hers? 

“I can’t even tell anymore,” James replied, his voice quiet. 

Even if Lily had any idea what to say to that, she was robbed of the chance by Marlene and Sirius loudly launching into an anti-Slytherin chant. They jumped up and looped their arms together, a picture of obscenity. The rhyme  _ snakes can’t score, we give ‘em what for,  _ was so ridiculous it shattered Lily and James’ bubble, and they joined in the smattering of laughter. 

James leaned back to jab Sirius in the leg with his wand, retracting from Lily’s space so quickly that for a stabbing heartbeat she thought she might miss him. He was barely three feet away. 

She was so jarred by it that she didn’t even cover up the flash of disappointment splashed across her features, and she knew Remus saw it. 

Sirius slapped James back in retaliation, and they began to wrestle with difficulty in the cramped space. Merlin, she didn’t even think that was dumb anymore. Sure, she thought it was  _ dumb,  _ but the main emotion shrouding that observation was fondness and a little exasperation at most. 

Marlene collapsed laughing on the sofa, rubbing her eyes. “Merlin, I need sleep,” she announced. 

Lily nodded eagerly and stood up, manoeuvring herself over James and Sirius’ mini brawl, “Me, too.”

Mary yawned, “All right, let’s go. Alice?”

“I’ll be along in a bit,” she answered coyly, and the other three girls did their best not to look Frank in the eye as they grinned. 

James tapped insistently on Sirius’ head, “Gerroff, Padfoot! I need to—”

He freed himself with a grunt and shook his hair out before running a hand through it as he got up. James had barely heard what they’d been saying, but he knew well enough when Lily was leaving a room. She turned, a little expectantly. Her green eyes were careful and he knew why. He hadn’t really meant for his last words to slip out. If she didn’t smile at him now, he knew he was fucked. He’d been so diligent but now,  _ now  _ he’d pushed it. 

“Night,” was all he said. He hoped she could read him a tad better than he could read her. 

Lily, thank Merlin, smiled softly back at him like a miracle. “Night, James. Good luck.”

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone notice they’re two days away from Halloween and get extremely emotional? Just me?   
> See you soon!  
> Come chat to me on tumblr - deadlysansa


	10. Lily and the Impermanence of Resolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quidditch, alcohol, petty crime, jealousy and near misses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whaaaaat? WHO went overboard with this chapter?  
> Fine, it was me. This one is long because I love you all and want you happy and well fed. 
> 
> BUT before you go ahead and read, I’m going to say a massive thank you for the response to the last chapter! I can’t believe how many amazing messages I’ve received. Your patience is so appreciated, too. I work full time (snore) and massively struggled with writers block the past few weeks.  
> Vasymollo, BrazilianWriter, Mara, AliceCasch, Nina, Chaserspirit, inksandbookpages, writtenbyfreckles, Charlotte, YouBlitheringIdiot and maraudersoccermom - your reviews were all insanely lovely and made me smile like a total idiot. 
> 
> ONE LAST THING- Thank you for your response to the Marlene/Mary subplot. I know I took a small risk not writing Blackinnon, but Marlene being a lesbian is a personal favourite headcanon of mine and it makes me so happy you guys are behind it. 
> 
> Right BYE

_ Saturday 30th October 1976  _

**8:34 a.m.**

“Oh, shit. Oh,  _ shit, shit, shit!”  _

Lily sat in the contents of her upturned trunk, heart sinking.

“What?” She heard Alice before she saw her, skidding to a stop in the doorway, breathless. “Merlin, what, Lily?”

“My Gryffindor top!” Lily moaned. “It’s not  _ here _ !” 

She must truly have looked pathetic, because Alice didn’t even laugh. 

“Just wear red?” 

Lily scoffed, “ _ Just wear red?  _ Where’s your house spirit?” 

Alice whistled as Mary joined her in the doorway. 

“Oh, God,” She pulled a face. “Alice, are you trying to actually reason with Quidditch Lily?” 

Alice sighed, “I’m a dreamer.”

Lily shot them an apologetic glance before having her eighth rummage of the past five minutes through her clothes. 

“ _ OI! _ ” Sirius bellowed from down the stairs. “ _ Are we going or not? We’re going to be late for the first match of the year!”  _ There were footsteps, shortly followed by a shout and a thump. “ _ Stupid staircase.” _

Alice rolled her eyes and shouted down the stairs, “Lily won’t go without a Gryffindor shirt and she can’t find hers!” 

There was a slight pause before his loud reply, “ _ Is that it? I’ve got a spare, for Merlin’s sake!”  _

Mary surveyed the mess on the floor with a wrinkled nose, “Happy?” She asked Lily.

With a huff, Lily nodded. Moments later, Alice returned with a balled up red jersey in her hand. Relief lit up Lily’s face and she pulled it over her head. It looked huge draped on her frame, but that didn’t matter. 

“Thanks,” She said, bounding over to the door. 

Her two friends were clearly making an effort not to laugh as they took in Lily’s new outfit for a moment. Lips pressed together, Alice nodded. 

“You’re welcome,” she said weakly.

“What?” Lily rolled her eyes, distractedly. “I know it’s massive but it doesn’t matter!” She said, which confused Alice and Mary. She pushed past them. “It’s Quidditch! Let’s go!” 

With Lily already rushing down the staircase, Mary turned to Alice. “She thinks we were laughing because of the size?”

Alice covered her mouth to giggle again, “She should really read her clothes before putting them on!”

Mary snorted and they both hurried after Lily. 

The seven of them near enough ran the entire way down to the pitch, the boys looking equally as delighted as Alice and Mary about Lily’s wardrobe change. Lily, however, was far too amped up about the match to ask them why they were being weird this morning. It was too hard to keep up.

The volume from the stands was thunderous with the buzz of the entire student body. They awkwardly squeezed up and along the rows to a sea of red and gold, where Frank, Hestia and Emmeline held the fort. Even Emmeline had abandoned Ravenclaw blues for red paint on her cheeks, as it wasn’t a match against her house. The echoes of “ _ Go! Go! Gryffindor!”  _ thundered along the benches beneath them, and into Lily’s bones. She grinned, just as the two teams marched onto the pitch below. She squinted, focussing on the tall figure who she could tell was still hyping up the team as they walked.

“Loving the look, Lily,” said Hestia, jerking Lily from her James tunnel vision. “Very supportive.”

Lily shot her a funny glance, “It’d be bad luck if I didn’t wear a Gryffindor shirt. I always do.”

“Lily is very superstitious,” Alice said quickly, interrupting Hestia. “She thinks it’s like a good luck charm.”

“I do not!” Lily protested. 

Emmeline smirked, looking Lily up and down, “You’re  _ someone’s _ good luck charm.”

Her friends giggled then, and she rolled her eyes heavily. They could make all the Potter jokes they wanted, but truthfully, now they were friends Lily was proud to see James out there. The Gryffindor captain, and when he scanned the crowds as he mounted his broom, Lily somehow knew he was looking for her. It was chilly out, but that warmed Lily down to her toes. 

The whistle blew, and fourteen players rose into the air with rapid velocity. The crowd went wild, and Lily and her friends screamed their support. 

“My eardrums!” Sirius shouted in appreciation at her whooping, from where he sat in the row behind. 

Lily turned to flash him a grin, but as she did so, she noticed there were a few people already watching her in interest, whispering amongst themselves. Shooting them an odd look to say,  _ “I see you _ ” she faced the front. Who the hell would watch  _ her  _ when there were fourteen people zooming around on broomsticks just ahead? 

Marlene, James and Amelia shot past them, working in perfect tandem, tossing the quaffle over and under the heads of their Slytherin rivals. The quaffle had barely left James’ gloved fingertips on its way to Amelia when he was grinning at their group as he flew. 

And faltered.

It was just for a second, but Lily felt them all suck in a breath as one. James was a tiny spec again before they could even yell out. 

“What was that?” Lily demanded. 

“A total mystery!” answered Mary in a strange tone. Lily glanced over to find she was laughing again. 

Lily moved her eyes around the group, gaze steadily narrowing. She landed on Remus, whose eyebrows shot up. 

“I don’t know a thing,” He said earnestly. 

Before Lily could interrogate him about what the bloody hell was going on, the Gryffindor chasers took another detour round their end of the pitch and she snapped her attention back to the action. 

James was suddenly before her, coming to such a sudden halt on his broom that wind whipped her hair around her face. His eyes trailed all over her, and it was so mad she thought she might throttle him. He wanted to - what,  _ check her out? Now?!  _

“What the  _ hell _ are you doing?” Lily shouted, incredulous. 

Quaffle tucked safely under his arm, an entire crowd watching, Marlene yelling obscenities and three Slytherin chasers hurtling towards him, James merely stared at her. All windswept and breathing heavily, he yelled back, “Evans, there are many easier ways to kill me!” 

Mouth dropping open in disbelief, Lily didn’t have time to question him before the blurs of green and silver came scarily close and she screamed, “ _ Move, Potter!”  _

The beginnings of a grin formed on his face before he was gone. Speechless, Lily only stared after him, ignoring the other people and her mates that watched her. 

“What the  _ fuck?”  _ She yelled into the air still disturbed from his presence. “That boy is a bloody head case! Imagine risking  _ Quidditch  _ to… to - what?”

She realised that her friends were all howling with laughter. Baffled, Lily looked around at the lot of them falling over themselves. 

“Oh, I can’t!” Alice wiped at a tear from her eye. “I can’t, I’m sorry!” She reached forward and balled the hem of her shirt in her fist. “This isn’t Sirius’ spare shirt, Lily.”

Lily opened her mouth, but realisation dawned and she closed it slowly. 

“Alice,” Lily said, dangerously calm. “Is this  _ James’  _ spare shirt?” 

The others giggled, and Alice nodded, lips clamped. 

“And… by any chance does it say ‘Potter’ in giant fucking letters on the back?”

A laugh escaped her friend, and Alice covered her mouth in answer. Lily squealed in horror, grabbing at her back, as though she could see the surname that  _ everyone  _ would take the wrong way. The smell of peppermint and woodsmoke was suddenly making a lot of sense - a silver lining was that at least she wasn’t hallucinating James’ scent. 

“You are all crappy mates!” Lily protested as they were all far too pleased with themselves. “And you—” She aimed an elbow. “ _ You  _ are a git, Sirius Black!”

“It’s just a joke, Evans,” Sirius leaned down to speak in her ear and Lily scowled because she knew he was grinning. “It doesn’t  _ mean  _ anything.” 

The prick, he was challenging her. And Lily did  _ not _ shy away from any competition, academic or otherwise. 

She shrugged, cooling her fury. “Obviously. It’s just a shirt, whatever.” She sniffed, fighting to keep her face poker straight.

She barely paid attention to the fantastic goal that Ted Singh promptly saved. Lily was too busy replaying the way James’ eyes had taken all of her in now that she knew  _ why _ he was looking at her like she was the Quidditch cup. Her stomach flipped on itself at the memory of his clear appreciation, even though James was halfway across the pitch and a minuscule blur. 

Without thinking she clutched at her elbows, thumbing at the soft material that now so clearly reeked of James right after he showered in the evening and flopped beside her on the couch in his hoodie.

Remus was the one to nudge her gently amongst the cheering. “You’re smiling,” he said out of the corner of his mouth. 

“You’re a traitor,” she hissed back, smirk growing. Then she raised her voice, announcing to no one in particular. “I’m changing as soon as the game is finished!” 

Alice patted her arm absent mindedly, squinting at the sky. “Whatever you want, Lil.”

Lily nearly pouted at being so clearly pacified. What, did they think she  _ wanted  _ to wear ridiculously comfortable, James scented clothing? The boy himself rocketed past and Lily pressed her lips together. All right, they weren’t madly far off. 

But it was natural to like wearing James’ clothes because she liked  _ him.  _ They were friends and their familiarity grew everyday, she knew that. It was Lily’s neatly packaged explanation for the way she scrunched her toes when she relived James’ gaze again. Her friends smirking and elbowing each other was  _ not _ included in that. They thought they were all so clever, but nothing was that simple. 

Just then, the Slytherin beater swerved into James so aggressively that he veered left and lost his balance. The crowd collectively ‘ _ oohed’  _ as Lily’s heart lurched in fright. She sucked in a gasp and grabbed Alice’s arm as James tumbled perhaps twenty feet. Her eyes fixed upon him, her free hand fumbling for her wand in panic to slow his fall. That is, if her brain didn’t malfunction with the terror seizing her muscles. 

Lily’s fingers closed around the polished wood just as James managed to haul himself back onto his broom. She exhaled in relief. He shot back up at dizzying speed, Lily’s eyes going with him, and gestured something at the Slytherin beater. 

Sirius and Peter shouted in disgust, gesturing their hands madly about, and Lily was taken enough to join in. 

“You lousy scumbag! That was cheating!” She shouted furiously, just in case James wasn’t swearing enough. 

“Oh,  _ ouch,  _ Lily!” 

Alice jerked her arm and Lily released her iron grip immediately. “Shit, I’m so sorry. I got a bit-”

“I can see that,” Alice cut her off and shook her head with a smile. 

Lily was seriously losing her grip on acting casual. Damn Quidditch. Who could stay calm at a Quidditch match? She turned back to the pitch to see the fourteen players circling around each other as Madam Monk, the referee, gave the Slytherin beater an earful. 

Lily watched with smug satisfaction until movement caught her eye. James had turned his broomstick toward their group in the stands whilst he waited. He was just about close enough that Lily could see him squint as he deliberately watched her standing in his uniform shirt as though he hadn’t just briefly plummeted through the air. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Lily demanded, knowing he couldn’t hear her. 

The boys behind her snickered and Lily needn’t have worn a damn jacket for the amount of times she was going to be embarrassed and flushed this morning. She became aware of the shuffling of people in the stands, craning to see what the Gryffindor captain was staring so openly at. Too many of them didn’t even look surprised. 

Lily’s natural response was to dive behind her friends until James screwed his head back onto his shoulders. She was getting far more attention than a spectator usually received. Lily wished she was close enough to wipe the smug smile off his face. Because James was  _ undoubtedly  _ loving to see her squirm right now. 

But Lily sensed another challenge from as far away and as high up as James was, with rows of people between them. It was scary how much his boldness motivated her out of her comfort zone. So in a decidedly  _ un _ -Lily like manner, she raised her right hand and flipped her middle finger up. 

She swore she heard his shout of delighted laughter above the breeze before he shook his head and took off toward his team. Several other appreciative giggles and whistles could be sounded from the crowd around her who’d noticed, and so in the spirit of Quidditch, Lily grinned, just a little. She was realising it wasn’t all bad to have James’ attention. His distinct lack of embarrassment was practically contagious. 

* * *

Around ten minutes later, Marlene rocketed toward the Slytherin hoops with the quaffle under her arm like a bullet from a gun. With James and Amelia completely blocked, she dodged the bludger that streaked past her ear, barely registering the gasp from the crowd. 

“Sorry about that, McKinnon!” Hatch shouted, wielding his bat at the rogue ball so that it went sailing toward Tolston, the Slytherin keeper. 

So focussed on Marlene, Tolston’s eyes bugged out of his head as the bludger forced him to swerve left. 

“That’ll make up for it!” Marlene shouted back, grinning as she aimed. 

“ _ Go, Mar!”  _ Mary and Alice shouted at the top of their lungs as Lily jumped up and down with her hands over her mouth.

Half of the stands erupted in whoops and deafening cheers when Marlene sank the quaffle into the top goalpost, stray blonde wisps flying free from her ponytail. She streaked past her friends in the stand for a victory run, high fiving James and Amelia Baker as she did so.

Mary was grinning with fierce pride up at her best friend when Remus shuffled beside her, allowing a pretty dark haired girl into their space.

“Lucy Diggory, to what do we owe the pleasure?” Sirius asked amidst the stamping of celebratory feet, charm instantly oozing out of his tone.

“Hi, Sirius,” Lucy smiled back, tucking her shiny sleek hair behind her ear. “I’m supporting Gryffindor today, of course!” She wiggled her nails, painted neatly in scarlet and gold. Mary sniffed, wishing she’d done that.

Lily paused her incessant hollering of support to raise her eyebrows, “Dedicated, I like it.”

“You look perfect,” Sirius told her, and everyone else groaned in disgust.

Lucy just looked like she might laugh, “That’s kind of you.”

“This is a Quidditch match, Sirius, not speed dating,” Lily said snarkily before turning back to follow James’ blurred figure zooming around the skies, thinking nobody knew that that was exactly what she was doing. 

Sirius rolled his eyes as he poked Lily in the back of the head, “I’ll stop flirting if you stop looking at my Prongs with utter filth in your eyes!”

Lily went the colour of half of Lucy’s nails and elbowed him sharply. “You first,” she jibed. 

Lily and Sirius went on bickering inanely about who flirted with James the most. Remus pinched the bridge of his nose like he had no idea how he’d ended up between the two of them. 

Lucy caught Mary’s eye with a smile, and Mary felt annoyingly compelled to smile back.

“Marlene’s doing fantastically,” Lucy commented lightly. 

“Yes, she’s brilliant at Quidditch.”

Even though Mary was agreeing, her tone came out with such jagged edges that Lucy’s eyebrows inched higher but she didn’t push it. Mary pressed her lips together, eyes trailing Marlene’s blonde hair as it danced through the sky. She admittedly felt a little guilty for snapping at Diggory, she was just a random girl. Or rather, Mary  _ hoped  _ she was a random girl. What did Mar need her for anyway? They did basically everything together! Mary wouldn’t be surprised if they had a double wedding someday with perfectly juxtaposing white dresses. Mary cleared her throat, “So, um, Lucy…” 

The Ravenclaw looked surprised. 

“Where did you actually… Mar and you? How come you’re…?” 

Mary supposed that the intimidation tactic was out the window. 

Lucy laughed a little, and Mary resented how pretty it sounded. “We just started chatting at Honeydukes’. We get on.”

The Hogsmeade trip where Mary had pretended to date James in order to make Benjy Fenwick jealous. Was it a coincidence that Lucy, a girl they’d known casually for five years, struck up a conversation with Marlene when Mary wasn’t there? 

She was saved from answering by Peter’s sudden bellow of outrage as the Slytherin beater elbowed the quaffle out of Amelia’s grip. He promptly scored, levelling out the advantage Marlene had gained. 

* * *

**10:50 a.m.**

The stands exploded in storm of cheering, shouting and outright screaming. The Gryffindor Seeker, new addition Third Year Sunny Stighart, had caught the golden snitch. 

The Slytherins as usual had played a sneaky game, relying on their tricks and smarts to give the Gryffindors a good enough match, but not good enough. James and the other Gryffindor players piled onto Sunny with cries of victory in the sky as in the seats, Lily and her friends laughed at Sirius’ lewd song rubbing the Slytherin loss in. 

“I’m hoping my ancestors will turn over in their graves!” He said happily between verses. 

It took almost half an hour to get clear of the pitch, the students dawdling as they celebrated or lamented over the result. Sirius held Remus and Peter up trying to flirt with Emmeline and Hestia whilst Frank took the opportunity to whisk Alice off. 

On solid ground, Lily, Mary and Lucy Diggory made their way up the sloping grass. 

“What a match!” Lucy exclaimed, and Lily did another victory whoop in response. Her smile turned mischievous, “I am going to feel so  _ bad  _ when Ravenclaw steamrolls you next month, though.”

Lily whistled as she shook her head, “Okay, Diggory! I love your optimism, it’s so sweet, really.”

Mary’s smile, meanwhile, was starting to feel like it was painted on. Lily clearly hadn’t gotten the message that they weren’t all becoming Diggory’s best mates, and now the two of them laughed together like it was a common thing. 

“I’d better go and meet my friends,” Lucy told them on the tail end of her giggle. “I had fun this morning! Would you tell Marlene I’ll catch her later?” She awkwardly caught Mary’s eye, who nodded curtly. 

“Sure thing,” Lily waved. She held up a finger as an idea struck her. “Hey! Come to the Gryffindor Common Room later. It’ll be a total mess, because I officially won’t shout at the party planners… much.” 

Mary glanced at Lily in alarm. Lucy looked genuinely pleased as she walked backwards towards where the main flow of students headed up to the castle. “Thanks, Lily! I’ll think about it.” 

As she disappeared, Mary smiled fleetingly and hooked her arm through Lily’s. They made their way in the opposite direction towards the changing rooms to find the others.

“Merlin, I thought she’d never leave!” Said Mary breezily.

Lily exhaled, willing her patience, “What’s wrong? She seems lovely.”

“Well, I think she’s a little fake. She’s so confident - weirdly so. Imagine just inserting yourself into a group like that?”

Lily’s eyebrows shot up, “I think it might be you being weird. Is she a rubbish partner in Charms or something?”

Mary wished she could say yes. But frustratingly, Lucy Diggory was not only confident but hard working.

“No,” she said grumpily as the changing rooms came into view. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with her! She’s so tall and willowy, I bet everyone fancies her.”

Lily chuckled, “Aw, Mare,” she pulled her into one armed hug. “You are the perfect height. And we will never like her more than you.”

“That’s not it!” Mary lied through her teeth, and Lily looked unconvinced. Mary knew she was teasing but it  _ did  _ make her feel better. There was an awful lot of change going on with Alice so into Frank and Lily mysteriously spending increasing time with James. Marlene was constant, at least.

Wanting to forget about Lucy Diggory, Mary pinched Lily’s arm, “I still can’t believe you’re in that shirt.”

Lily pulled a face at the soft Quidditch shirt.

“Crap, I’d almost forgotten. It’s bloody comfy, you know. But it’s sending out all the wrong signals, isn’t it?” 

“Well, that depends…”

Lily made an indignant sound, “There!  _ Wrong  _ signal!”

Mary rolled her eyes and giggled, “Okay, Lily. Maybe if you made a bigger effort not to stare at his hands when he’s writing stuff down in lessons I’d be more inclined to believe you.”

“As if!” Lily’s jaw dropped. It looked like shock, but she was mostly appalled at being called out. James had  _ nice  _ hands.

Mary’s smile turned smug, “I get it, Lil! Letting yourself admit that James is hot was a big step.”

“I don’t think I said  _ hot _ , Mary,” Lily admonished. No, she hadn’t said that forthright, but she’d thought much worse. 

Her friend snickered knowingly. If only Mary knew that she’d also basically told James she didn’t mind his jealous side - she’d kept that under wraps for very obvious reasons. It didn’t exactly say,  _ super platonic. _

Speaking of the devil, Lily heard James’ bellowing laughter from just inside the changing rooms and her instant reaction was to grin at the sound.  _ Lily, you soppy cow. _ She was just bloody proud of him and Marlene.

Suddenly Sirius, Remus and Peter bounded past Lily and Mary, avoiding them so narrowly that their hair was disturbed. 

“Bloody hell, what’s the rush?” Lily called. 

“You’re just slow!” Sirius jibed without so much as pausing. “Where’s Diggory?”

Mary groaned pathetically. She pulled free from Lily and marched after him, muttering irritably, “Oh, great, another one who’s wearing her arse for a hat!” 

Lily hung back as the others charged into the changing rooms to flock James and Marlene. She smiled at the sight of them, both buzzing and joking around with Amelia and little Sunny. 

Amongst the other team members, she felt beyond ridiculous in part of James’ uniform here. Maybe she’d sneak out and change before the jokes started, or worse, the rumours. Lily didn’t know exactly how much trust she had in Ruby Greengrass. 

James apparently had other ideas. As soon as he saw her, he pulled free of his mates’ embrace, jogging over. He fought a ridiculously smug smile as his eyes took her in properly from head to toe. Lily rolled her eyes heavily, but folded her arms over her chest self-consciously. Merlin, what did she  _ look  _ like, parading around in his uniform? She’d called him a ‘vagrant hound’ six months ago; her integrity was in bits. 

“Anyone would think you wanted Gryffindor to lose, Evans,” James pinched the material of the too large shoulders between his thumb and forefinger. “This was  _ very _ distracting.” 

Bloody James Potter. How did he do that? Lily’s nerves, frazzled to within an inch of their life from stupidity, relaxed like dominoes in the instant that he spoke, and she blushed for an entirely different reason.  _ He  _ clearly didn’t think she was stupid at all. 

James was a  _ lot  _ up close like this. He was still mud splattered with a light sheen of sweat and cloaked in scarlet and gold like her own personal pin up. All this plus the way his eyes lingered on her shirt - no,  _ his  _ shirt - no,  _ her  _ body? 

His admiration propelled her to pinch the uniform he was wearing in the same place and smirk up at him. “So’s this,” she said cheekily. 

Lily was rewarded with his mouth dropping open for a moment, eyes flashing. James’ hand jumped to his hair and she grinned. “Congratulations, Captain.”

James pretended to be confused, “On having the best looking girl in Hogwarts in my jersey?”

“On the  _ match _ ,” Lily shoved him, her face warming. It wasn't particularly a  _ friendly  _ to say, but the twinkle in his eye was too distracting for her to actually be mad. Besides, she could never quite catch him off balance. 

“I heard you shouting a few times,” James told her, half grin in place.

Lily gave him a pointed look. “You shouldn’t be unfamiliar with my shouting, James.”

He pretended to shudder and she laughed, “Of course I’m not. But you weren’t shouting at  _ me _ . That was refreshing.” And heart busting.

“They were messing with you!” Lily shrugged, her voice already hinging on the high pitch she spoke in whenever the topic was Quidditch. 

James clutched his chest, “Lily Evans, my hero.”

“Bloody hell, Lily, you’ve never worn  _ my  _ name to a match!” Marlene called across the room. 

Their mates and the team sniggered and catcalled. 

“You haven’t  _ once _ called me a ‘goddess divine’ in front of the entire Herbology class!” Lily replied snarkily, casting a wicked glance at James as she cut past him toward her friend. 

He pinched her side as she went, and she jumped with a small shriek. She had no idea what game they were playing, but it made her blood tingle. 

Lily didn’t see the way James looked as he trailed after her, but Marlene did, and she chuckled knowingly as she pulled her best mate in for a hug. 

“What’s the plan, people?” Peter clapped his hands to capture attention. 

James cleared his throat as they formed a circle, ever the captain. “I think we should just take it easy today, you know. A few goblets of pumpkin juice, a bit of dinner, a couple of naps.” 

“You’re kidding,” Peter’s jaw fell in the silence. 

James’ straight face lasted all of three seconds. “Of course I’m  _ kidding _ , Wormtail. Ye of little faith!” 

The group cheered, and Sirius clapped James on the shoulder, “As it was with the last stunning victories that Prongsy led this team to, we’re not animals - ” the four Marauders exchanged private smirks, “- we do break for lunch.” 

“So a nap is still on the cards?” Asked Remus drily. 

“I love you, Remus,” Lily said frankly. “You make me look positively wild.”

Remus tipped an imaginary hat. 

James’ eyes were glittering with mirth at the two of them. “Party starts at three p.m. in order for me and the boys to get everything, and yes, possibly even nap, Moony,” He said. “I don’t care what you do with these three and a half hours, even if it  _ is _ daydreaming about me and not changing your shirt,” James’ eyes danced to Lily’s pointedly and she scoffed even if it was scarily on the nose.

Marlene made a noise of protest from where she stood, resting her elbow on Mary’s shoulder, “Enough weird verbal foreplay, you two. There are thirteen year olds present,” She gestured at Sunny and her friends sat on the bench. 

“That’s not what’s happening!” Lily argued poorly. 

James merely shrugged. “Sorry, Stighart, you really will be drinking just pumpkin juice,” was all he said. 

Lily swallowed with difficulty as the conversation moved on. She couldn’t let the words ‘foreplay’ and James mix in her mind without danger of implosion. So she thought he was stupidly attractive, and he obviously still felt that Lily was pleasing to the eye to say the least, but that wasn’t where this friendship was headed. It was too precious to be risked like that. It was uncommonly fragile. 

James caught her eye as Mary once again proposed a dress code for the party. Lily’s lips ticked upwards in response. 

God damn it, if only flirting with him wasn’t so easy. 

* * *

**11:54 a.m.**

Lily Evans was in his shirt. Lily Evans had his name covering her shoulder blades like in one of his far-fetched dreams that she’d curse his favourite body part off if she knew about. At least, he  _ thought  _ she would. James felt slightly delirious with the way she sometimes looked at him recently. 

When he hadn’t moved from where he kneeled on the floor of the dormitory searching for his invisibility cloak for a five full minutes, Sirius tossed a balled up newspaper at him. 

“I know that look, Prongs,” He said smugly. “Aren’t you going to thank the best wingman to ever exist for getting Evans in that shirt?”

James shook himself from the usual Lily-centric stupor. He grinned as he swiftly picked up the cloak from under a textbook. “ _ Thank you _ , O brilliant Padfoot.”

“For making his obsessive Lily disorder deteriorate that much faster,” Peter finished. 

James tossed his wand reflexively at him before realising what it was. Sparks flew over Peter’s head and he ducked in alarm. “Oops, sorry, Pete. Or not!” James stood and rested his hands on his hips. “I am of sound mind, all right? Lily has been…” He struggled for the words, the glorious words he’d never needed. 

Remus let out a resigned sigh and simply nodded, “Yeah. It’s true, mate. Watching Lily ogle you is just as mentally scarring as the other way round.”

“Ha!” James snapped his fingers in triumph. “I’m not crazy!”

“ _ Well…”  _ Remus debated, but his friend was already blushing. 

Sirius landed on James’ bed with a thump. “I’m happy for you, Prongs. She’s come around to how undeniably handsome you are like we said she would! But… does she  _ just  _ think you’re good looking? Don’t get me wrong, that would be great for a guy like me. Would that be enough for you?”

James realised he’d never really considered Lily wanting  _ him  _ but not wanting to be  _ his.  _ He was always so wrapped up in wanting every single part of her. James didn’t really do things in halves. 

“If you’re asking whether I’d  _ reject  _ Lily-”

Peter snorted, “We know you wouldn’t.”

“We’re not trying to freak you out, James,” Remus said gently. “We’ve just sat up here and discussed getting Lily to stop shouting at you for so long, we don’t really have a plan for the next stage.”

Sirius nodded, “Hell, as your friends, we had to consider the possibility that you were in fact delusional. But this time, you’re not. Your charm is paying off, Prongs!”

“ _ But,”  _ Remus raised a finger. “You’ve got to be careful. This is like the blind leading the blind here.” 

James laughed at that, and grabbed his bomber jacket from the rack (something that Lily was  _ terrible  _ at hiding was her affiliation for this particular one). 

“I’m not going to screw this up,” He said, mainly to himself. “I take all my cues from Lily.”

Sirius got up and shook his dark hair out. “Totally, Prongs. When has getting pissed like we’re about to ever resulted in bad choices?” 

“We need to get to Hogsmeade, so I’m not going to list all of the examples,” Remus crossed to the door and opened it pointedly. 

“Hey,” Peter said conversationally as they went. “Do you think if you’d just listened to Lily last year and been this cool, this would have all happened a year earlier?” 

James made a pained noise, “We don’t think about that, Wormtail. That’s the dark place.”

Sirius smacked Peter upside the head as they headed off in the direction of the secret passage that led to Honeydukes’. 

“ _ Ow!”  _

Remus hummed, closing the door behind the others. “I don’t think so. Everything happens for a reason.”

“Moony, I hope you’re right,” James shrugged. Usually, he could only rely on ignoring the odds and blunt confidence to get him through, but now he had Lily… in his shirt, grinning at him and playing along with his stupid jokes. 

Merlin, he needed that drink. 

* * *

**12:45 p.m.**

“I seriously am going to change now,” Lily told the roof of her four-poster bed. She felt incredibly ashamed because she had taken a power nap in James’ shirt. “I am going to have a shower and return it.” 

“ _ Lily,”  _ Mary sat up on her own bed. “I promise no one cares about whether you wear that shirt as much as you do.” 

Marlene barked out a short, sharp laugh. “You’re forgetting the  _ owner.  _ James is too young and healthy to have a stroke physically speaking, but it’s a possibility.”

“James will not be having a stroke,” Lily scoffed, propping herself up onto one elbow. “I could be anyone in this shirt. Boys are just like that.”

“Great Merlin, that is so off the mark,” Marlene exchanged knowing eyes with Mary. 

Alice chimed in, smiling in sweet exasperation at Lily, “Don't be coy, Lil. You  _ know  _ James thinks you’re gorgeous!”

Lily rolled her eyes sheepishly, “All right, fine, maybe it’s true he thinks I’m passably attractive! But it’s the same way I can admit  _ he’s  _ fit. Doesn’t mean anything.”

Marlene cackled again, “It means he wants to-”

“I left my jumper downstairs!” Lily announced suddenly, jumping up from her bed like it was burning hot. Like her flaming skin at Marlene’s insinuations. 

“What jumper?” Mary called, knowing there was absolutely nothing of Lily’s in the Common Room. 

Lily’s friends collapsed into giggles at her expense as she dipped from the room. She muttered to herself like a mad woman as she descended the spiralling staircase for absolutely no reason. Merlin, she was trapped in a hormonal nightmare. Hearing that James would even want to  _ kiss _ her sent her running. Life was so much simpler when she had decided to despise him and hadn’t noticed that one side of his top lip was ever so slightly fuller than the other. 

Lily arrived at the bottom step and lingered aimlessly, not entirely sure what she was doing and what she’d say to her delirious mates when she inevitably went back up in thirty seconds sans jumper. 

Before she could begin the journey of shame, four boys practically fell through the portrait hole, two heavy looking wooden crates between them. James’ face still held it’s laugh as he tucked something into the side of one. Lily folded her arms as his troublemaking hazel eyes caught her standing on the stairs. The corners of his mouth lifted as they both realised simultaneously what she had spectacularly failed to change out of. Lily blushed. Defensiveness it was, then. 

“I know where you’ve been,” she challenged. “I bet I know what’s in those crates, too!”

The Marauders met her stare with four charming smiles as they strode closer and dropped them at her feet. 

“Don’t be like that, Evans,” James reached out to touch her arm and she (bravely) batted him off. The idiot only grinned.

Sirius began moving his shoulders in what Lily soon realised was supposed to be dancing. “It’s a party!” He waved his arms in a solo Mexican wave. “Don’t go shouting our trade secrets to the whole Common Room!”

Lily held her hands up, “I couldn’t have been  _ more _ ambiguous!”

“Toeing the line between responsible and being their friend is tough,” Remus interjected gravely. “Welcome, Lily.”

Peter frowned, “Don’t say  _ their  _ like we’re not here.”

“So rude, Moony!” Sirius began swaying from side to side, the music in his head clearly picking up speed. 

Remus let out a long-suffering sigh, “Those two also drank a bottle between them on the way back up.”

“Without being seen?” Lily’s eyebrows ticked up, begrudgingly impressed. 

James cleared his throat as he glanced at Remus, “We’re just that good.” 

“All right,” said Remus, clearly taking a hint that had Lily’s eyes narrowing. “Padfoot, Wormtail, let’s dump these upstairs. We’ll be right back,” he added to James. He and Lily watched Remus guide their tipsy mates up the stairs whilst balancing the crates. Lily thought that boy did not get enough credit. 

James, however, was no longer thinking about Remus. He reached out with one hand again to fiddle with the material of Lily’s sleeve, a soft smirk playing on his lips. Lily kept her breathing in check by some miracle, reminding herself that  _ any  _ boy would get a bit funny when a girl starts donning their clothes. 

“What do you  _ want? _ I need to change!” She told him. 

“Hmm, unnecessary.” James’ eyes flickered. She had an excellent vantage point from her one step up from the ground. His eyelashes were unfairly long. 

“Watch your tongue, Potter.”

“That  _ was  _ watching my tongue,” He grinned roguishly and Lily flushed. Stupid flirt. “There’s no time to change, honestly. You promised to aide me and the boys in picking Slughorn’s store.” 

“I did not promise! I recall reminding you that I am a  _ prefect.”  _

James shrugged airily, “I must have forgotten that part.”

“How convenient,” Lily smirked. She glanced over his head to where a gaggle of girls and a couple of boys were hanging around, clearly daring each other to go up and talk to the victorious captain. She bit her cheek, betting that any of them would agree to pick a lock for him in a heartbeat. She  _ could  _ do it, after all. And… they were less likely to get caught with Lily. It was probably wise to go with him as the only one with her head screwed on. Sensible. She was looking out for her house. 

“All right, Potter,” Lily narrowed her eyes at him. “Purely because you played an admittedly fantastic match.” 

James grinned and had his arm over her shoulders to pull her along before she could change her mind. “You might be my good luck charm…” 

Lily felt warm all over at his affection, and how they must look walking along like that both in  _ Potter  _ adorned jerseys. She didn’t even think about shoving him off because of how smug he must feel. She couldn’t even lie to herself, she felt slightly relieved that the shirt was having such an effect on him, and although that was extremely alarming, a good mood like James’ was contagious. He  _ had  _ just won Gryffindor’s first match of the term. She wasn’t a monster, for Merlin’s sake. 

“Prongsy!” Sirius hollered as he barrelled back down the staircase. If he was surprised to see Lily tucked into James’ side, he didn’t show it. His eyes glinted mischievously at her, “I knew you’d come through, Evans.” 

Lily raised her eyebrows at him as they came to a stop. “You had absolutely no faith in me, didn’t you?”

“You’re here  _ now _ ,” James said innocently, and she stepped on his toe as Remus appeared, practically dragging Peter with him. 

Lily hurried after the boys as they snuck through the school like it was the dead of night, even though it was lunchtime; they’d hardly get in trouble for walking around the castle during daylight hours. Lily giggled at their stupidity, hers included.

James turned and began walking backwards as he smirked.

“What are you laughing at, Evans?”

“You’re all stupid,” she informed him happily.

In the deserted corridor leading down to Slughorn’s office and private stores, Peter dramatically shushed them all with a finger to his lips. The boys and Lily filed up to the looming, firmly locked door that protected Slughorn’s rarer ingredients. And Merlin knows what else. 

Lily pulled the pin from her hair and hesitated. “I shouldn’t be helping you with this. In fact, I should be docking points from you for this.”

James sucked in a breath, “You wouldn’t!”

Lily narrowed her eyes, “Oh, but I would.” The four boys held their breath as she surveyed them. She chewed her cheek and groaned, “Damn it.”

Lily began to jimmy the lock with her pin and Peter grinned, “I’ll look out for Slughorn.”

“What are we even looking for?” Lily asked. “If it’s illegal, I’m not afraid to hex you smooth talking blighters.”

Sirius elbowed James with delight, “Smooth talking.”

“Is that all you heard?” Lily despaired.

James grinned, “It’s not  _ illegal _ , Evans. We’re very law abiding.”

Sirius, Remus and Lily all made the same unconvinced grunt in return. He spared his fellow Marauders a conspiratorial smirk. He was in huge trouble when she found out they were unregistered animagi – because it was inevitable they would tell her. Once Remus told her about being a werewolf, James was hoping that him turning into a mostly harmless stag would pale in comparison, and she’d even think him incredibly clever. Or, more realistically she would try and kill him for putting himself in so much danger and breaking the law.

Then again, what was realistic about him and Lily anymore? He was currently watching her pick the lock to Slughorn’s private store wearing his old Quidditch shirt, for Merlin’s sake. 

Although Lily wasn’t ready to hear how much he’d actually like to take his shirt  _ off  _ her, she didn’t seem to mind the excessive amount of times James had touched her just this morning. She didn’t seem to mind at all, which was good, because he could not for the life of him help it. He couldn’t take his eyes off her full stop, so it really was a miracle they’d won the match.

A loud click sounded and Lily stood, beaming at her handiwork. Merlin’s beard. James would wonder later if he should be worried that Lily breaking and entering was so attractive to him. She shoved the door with her palm and gestured to James with a look that said,  _ and?  _

… _ And  _ he was in danger of completely stepping out of line, that’s what. 

“Er, excuse us,” Remus said awkwardly, and stepped in between Lily and James to enter the dimly lit cupboard. “If I’m going to break the rules I like to do it quickly.”

Lily’s mouth twisted into an embarrassed smile as her eyes darted back to James’ when Sirius also brushed past them. 

The snap of a different door along the hall being closed interrupted their tennis match of warm glances. Lily’s mouth popped open. 

_ “Slughorn’s office,”  _ she hissed at him and grabbed James by the elbow, shoving him into the store cupboard after Sirius and Remus. “ _ In, in, in!”  _

“ _ What about you?”  _ James whispered furiously, attempting to pull her in. Lily violently shook her head. 

_ Trust,  _ she mouthed before shutting the door and plunging them into darkness. They didn’t dare to cast  _ Lumos,  _ even as Sirius stood painfully on James’ toe.

Footsteps grew in volume until they shuffled to a stop outside the door. 

“Miss Evans!” It  _ was _ Slughorn, and he sounded delighted.

“Hello, Professor!” James smirked in the dark at Lily’s overly breezy tone. Sirius 

“What are you doing down here on a Saturday?” asked Slughorn. 

“I- I…”  _ Come on, Evans.  _ “I came to congratulate you on such a well played match. The Slytherin team did you proud, sir.”

James could tell that Sirius and Remus were pulling the same doomed expression he was. Who would buy that? Slytherin had played especially dirty that morning, James had the bruises to prove it. 

But then Slughorn spoke, “That is so wonderfully thoughtful of you! Thank you, Miss Evans.” 

Sirius and Remus lapsed into silent laughter. They had forgotten that this was Lily Evans, known sweetheart to professors everywhere. James shook his head with a proud grin. Sweetheart, and merciless liar. 

“And may I offer my congratulations to Gryffindor? You seem to have quite the house spirit today! Or, quite the Potter spirit?” 

Now, Sirius’ laughter was at risk of getting them caught and James was glad it was dark enough for him to turn red without consequence. His life would be a lot easier if Lily just confessed her undying love for him to their Potions professor, but alas, the universe was rarely that kind. 

“Oh!” Sounded Lily’s voice, pitched higher than usual. “Well, er, Potter needs a lot of moral support, you see. He struggles without a bit of bolstering.” 

James’ eyebrows ticked up.  _ The cheek.  _ He’d get her for that later. 

“Ah, yes,” Slughorn replied in a knowing tone, and James rolled his eyes. Fantastic, he was going to have to listen to the James Potter roast, and insults didn’t appeal to him unless they were perfectly executed by the Prefect stalling outside the cupboard. 

The doorknob rattled. James, Sirius and Remus froze, backing away as silently as possible. James felt in his back pocket for his invisibility cloak before remembering he was in his Quidditch uniform, and had ditched it in one of the firewhiskey crates. 

“ _ No cloak,” _ He hissed to the others. 

“ _ No cloak?”  _ Sirius repeated, scandalised. “ _ How can you have no cloak? You’re the cloak guy! You’re useless, Prongs! _ ” 

_ “What exactly are you bringing to the table, Padfoot?”  _ James whispered. 

Remus sighed heavily and pulled the cloak from his pocket, holding up the dark bundle of material before his mates started brawling. 

“What are you doing?” Lily’s voice floated through the door, slightly higher than before. 

Slughorn sounded amused, and the doorknob stilled. “Retrieving something of mine. This is my store cupboard, Miss Evans.” 

With the second she’d bought them, the three boys covered themselves in the cloak. 

“Right, right, of course,” Lily responded faintly. “I mean, I’m sorry! But I was wondering -” 

The heavy door clicked and swung open with a drawn out groan. The Marauders went as still as death. Slughorn wore his usual bemused, blissfully ignorant smile as he looked into the dim area. Behind him, Lily’s face was comical. James watched it transform from panicked to confused to downright astounded. She narrowed her eyes at the seemingly empty space. She looked like she was ready to barge past Slughorn and look for James under the stone tile floor. 

She forced her confusion down to assume that they were in there  _ \- somewhere.  _ Although Lily was tempted to land James in detention for making her nerves go ballistic about having to lie on the spot, she anxiously twisted her fingers into the hem of his Quidditch top and spoke up. 

“I was wondering if I could borrow that book you spoke about last week, Professor? The one about the groundbreaking research into the uses of wolfsbane?” She plastered her best eager-to-learn smile on her face. 

Slughorn fell for it, as she’d suspected. “Today? I thought you’d be celebrating.” 

Lily waved that suggestion off, “I could use the excuse to find some quiet!”

There was a heartbeat when she thought that the Potions professor might narrow his eyes and call her bluff, but his face relaxed and Slughorn thankfully slammed his storeroom door shut once more. Lily exhaled through her nose in relief. 

On the other side of the door, James’ shoulders sagged with relief and he smiled in wonder to himself as he pulled the cloak off his head and Slughorn’s footsteps retreated. Lily Evans, saving him from getting into trouble. Lily, wearing his goddamn shirt lying to her Professor in order to aid him in breaking the rules. Every single new thing he learned about her was better than the last, and she managed to one up herself every time. Typical Evans, she’s so good her only competition is herself. 

“I can  _ feel  _ your smug grin, Prongs,” Sirius snorted. “Who needs  _ Lumos _ when this bloke is positively glowing thinking about Evans?” 

James plucked the particular bottle they sought from the shelf. “Did you not hear what she just did?” 

Remus smiled, too. “She’s really… committed to your friendship. I’ll say that.” 

Sirius wolf whistled and James and Remus shoved him in unison to shut him up. 

The door creaked open and they looked up in alarm.

“Guys?” It was Peter. “I think Slughorn is in his classroom… where’s Lily?”

The three boys laughed in disbelief and ruffled Peter’s hair in turn as they filed out of the storeroom. 

“Fantastic job at lookout, Pete,” Sirius said drily.

* * *

  
  


It was nearly half an hour later that Lily gave the portrait of the Fat Lady a half-hearted password and entered Gryffindor tower. The damned textbook that Slughorn had given her was the size of her torso and as thick as a small tree trunk and lugging it back had been no mean feat, especially when she was followed with giggled whispers or raised eyebrows at the shirt on her back. Merlin, when she got hold of James Potter she was going to smack him so hard - 

The Common Room erupted into cheers and clapping when Lily came into view. She snuck a glance behind her at first, but Marlene’s recognisable cackle at the action made Lily realise that they were in fact cheering  _ her.  _

She clutched the textbook slash indestructible shield to her chest in alarm and felt her entire face bloom pink. What in the bloody hell was going on? 

Sirius’ voice rose above the crowd. 

“Let’s hear it for Evans!” He hollered, and she made a furious face at where he stood on a plush armchair. 

“Yeah, Lil!” Marlene echoed, and Alice’s giggle followed. 

Stood on the floor next to Sirius, James was laughing and he winked when she caught his eye, making her somehow even redder. He seemed to take pity on her, the git, because he bounded over in the next second and slung an arm around her. In front of the  _ entire  _ Common Room. 

“What the hell, Potter?” She hissed, but instead of feeling threatened James only laughed softly as he bent down and said into her hair. 

“You got us out of a real bind, Evans. Sirius told everyone, not me.” 

James’ voice was warm and teeming with pride and flirtation. She felt her body relax under the weight of it, and she managed to flash a smile at her fellow Gryffindors. James didn’t move his arm as she rolled her eyes and jokingly curtsied. 

“All right, don’t spread this  _ too  _ far, you lot!” She warned, but she found herself grinning all the same. 

Appreciative laughs rang out as the students slowly turned back to their own conversations and reliving the game’s highlights. 

She glanced up at James to tell him that he shouldn’t tell  _ everyone  _ she was bending the rules, but his eyes already glittered as they looked down at her and the words got stuck in her throat. He should definitely let go before people got ideas. 

“That was brilliant,” James told her, and his expression danced before he made up his mind and pressed his lips to her temple. 

Lily didn't breathe for the next two seconds of her life. Or at least, it might have been two seconds. It could have been two hours - years perhaps. She only registered that she was tucked into James’ side, he was crushing her ever so slightly to him, and that his lips were just as warm as the rest of him. 

As suddenly as he’d decided to do it, James pulled back and Lily’s eyes snagged on his like a hopeless fish to bait. The time paradox stretched on as the rest of the Common Room seemed to move at full speed whilst Lily and James were stuck in a magnetic pocket of time. It was hard to deal with that hazel gaze and an existential crisis at the same time. She bit her cheek to keep from smiling, because - oh, shit, she had liked that way too much. 

“Am I interrupting?” Marlene arrived with such beautiful timing, purposefully shoving into James’ shoulder so that he and Lily were both jostled, and effectively launched back into normal time. 

James cleared his throat and elbowed Marlene with some difficulty, “No more than usual, McKinnon.” 

Marlene shot him a withering stare, but her blue eyes kept darting to Lily’s. Marlene was about as a subtle as a gun, and Lily needed to get her away from James before he noticed. She couldn’t risk it in case she was making up the way his fingers tightened on her shoulder in a way that felt like he’d say something else if Marlene wasn’t there. But  _ what? Don’t misread a stupid forehead kiss, Evans?  _ From the way he’d looked at her all morning, she didn’t think so. 

With a wave of panic, Lily disentangled herself from James. 

“Just so you know, I have to read this book now,” she told him in a dry tone to distract from the humming of her body. 

The corner of James’ mouth lifted -  _ no, don’t look there!  _ Her eyes raced back to his. Had he seen? 

He took a heartbeat longer to reply, “Ah, I’ll read it to you. I can do voices and everything.”

Lily rolled her eyes, but she was fighting the wave of heat threatening her entire body. “Lunch?” She asked so casually she was actually impressed with herself. Lily Evans, master deceiver. 

“Can’t,” James said, genuinely regretful, and he didn’t take that razor sharp gaze off her. “I have to go mix this up now.” He flipped the small bottle in the air which Lily’s hand intercepted to catch smoothly. She shot James a bored look. His eyes glittered. “Want to come?” 

Lily pressed the bottle back into his palm deliberately, not missing the way his fingers brushed along hers. “I’d rather not.” 

James hummed, “But you’ll drink it?” 

Lily made a contempt noise. “I have no interest in dying this young, thank you.” 

“Oh, she’s drinking it,” Marlene interjected. “But first, we need food.” 

Marlene hooked her arm through Lily’s. Whilst her best friend beckoned Mary and Alice to come with them, Lily chanced another look at James. Wordlessly, he held his hand out for her giant Potions textbook. 

Did the sun always stream in through the windows at midday like that, casting James in a golden overlay that made his hazel irises like a kaleidoscope? 

Sodding Merlin, he was handsome. 

Lily tossed the weighted book at him, and James caught it with a dramatic  _ oof _ and a grin.

“All right, see you in a bit?”

“Not if I see you first.”

“I’ll see you first,” Lily assured him drily. “You love to make an entrance.” 

“Or is it because you can’t keep your eyes  _ off  _ me?” James’ eyebrows ticked up in suggestive delight, but he was already jogging away when Lily had finished stammering a protest. 

She should have reminded him that he was the one who needed to put his eyes back in his head every two seconds with her in this shirt. But she couldn’t, because she was figuring out a way to dispute what he’d said without lying. And it was impossible. 

She could only be thankful that Marlene whisked her away at that precise moment. She worried she might open her mouth and say something insanely stupid. 

* * *

  
  


**2:04 p.m.**

In the Great Hall, Marlene shovelled another helping of potato wedges onto her friends’ plates. 

“Line those stomachs,” she instructed. 

Alice eyed her pile of food with trepidation. “What about you?”

“I can handle my spirits!” Marlene said proudly.

“So she  _ says,” _ Lily pursed her lips, but wasn’t about to complain about more food and speared a wedge with her fork. 

Mary chucked a few of hers back onto Marlene’s plate. “I don’t think crying over Pygmy puffs can be considered  _ handling  _ your drink.”

“One time!” Marlene complained. 

Her Ravenclaw brother dropped onto the bench beside her, “Two times, actually, Marley.”

Marlene glowered at Billy, “Don’t call me that, idiot. What are you doing here?”

He grinned, “I go to school here.”

Mary jumped in before Marlene whacked her brother. “He’s here for the Common Room password.”

Billy clicked his fingers and winked at Mary in confirmation, who pressed her lips together and pointed her thumbs down with a flat expression. Marlene snorted; she was always secretly smug when her brother couldn’t charm Mary. 

“You always have an ulterior motive,” Marlene told him. 

Billy shrugged guiltily, “I know the kind of parties James and the boys throw. We can chat all you want once I’m there with mead in my hand.” 

“Our mother would be so proud,” Marlene rolled her eyes. “It’s ‘mandrake’, but I’d rather you didn’t talk to me there at all.”

Marlene caught a glimpse of the back of Lucy’s head as she sat down to lunch with Fenwick and Dorcas Meadowes at the Ravenclaw table and her nerves did a small dance. She’d been more than pleased when Lily had told her that she’d sat with her mates at the match that morning. Lucy was the kind of girl who made an effort for others, and after pining for Mary, it was refreshing. 

Marlene cringed, even in her head, at that. Reminding herself of Mary’s little negatives was like a coping mechanism, necessary to getting over her romantically, but was a total betrayal friendship wise. It’d help if she convinced herself she cared about those things. 

“Actually… let me escort you back to your table,” Marlene told Billy brightly. 

“How very Gryffindor,” her brother snarked. 

Marlene and Billy crossed over to the long table of Ravenclaws, Billy with ease, Marlene twisting her fingers beneath her sleeves. Emmeline was there, reading over some carrot soup. 

“Look after this one, would you, Em?” Marlene said, sneaking a glance at Lucy, who hadn’t noticed her. 

“She’d love to,” Billy grinned before Emmeline could respond. 

She sighed. “I was more into your other brother, but okay.”

“Rob or Archie?” Billy asked, unable to resist the challenge. 

Marlene grimaced, “I’m leaving,” she announced and cleverly side stepped her way into Lucy’s eyeline. 

“Marlene!” Bingo.

Lucy got up immediately, beaming in an utterly heart melting fashion. Marlene grinned back. She was so straightforward, making her feel silly for not just going up to her. She was starting to think deceiving all her friends was sticking a little too much. 

“Hey, you!” 

Lucy pulled her in for a hug. “Congratulations on the win! Your last goal had me actually screeching like a banshee. Although,” she lifted her hand, nails painted red and gold, and touched her cheekbone lightly. “You’re going to have an impressive bruise from it.” 

Marlene flushed, and waved it off. “Collateral damage,” She told her. “It was nice of you to sit with my lot. Doing some charity work?”

Lucy laughed appreciatively, “They’re funny, I had a good time.” Her cheeks turned the lightest of pinks, “Lily even asked if I wanted to come to the party…”

Marlene nodded, eternally grateful for Lily and her kindness. 

“You should,” Marlene said, feeling suddenly shy. 

Lucy’s smile was instantaneous, but she hesitated, “Is that allowed?”

“I’m a chaser! I’m going to have a huge bruise on my face for the sake of victory. If I can’t invite people, who can?” Marlene grinned.

Lucy laughed at that, making her feel all fuzzy and warm, and  _ without  _ the immediate crushing sensation that it was impossible. Marlene cursed herself for thinking about her best friend when she should be solely focused on the brilliant Ravenclaw before her.

“I think the bruise is going to make you look very tough, for the record,” Lucy’s eyes danced with mirth and flirtation. “Okay, I’ll come.”

Oh, Merlin. Had she just asked her out on a date? What were the rules with it, did she have to  _ specify  _ the word date? As happy as she was, Marlene’s heart pinched when she realised she couldn’t just ask her friends for advice. 

Mary’s favourite perfume accosted her senses, and suddenly her best friend was at her elbow. It was all Marlene could do to keep breathing normally, the nervousness giving way to a blaring alarm in her head,  _ get Mary away from date.  _

“Great, you can come!” Mary’s curls bounced as she looked back and forth between Marlene and Lucy. The latter glanced at Marlene in confusion. “You can bring Benjy and Dorcas, too. It’ll be fun.”

Marlene huffed a laugh, trying not to let the sour taste of jealousy ruin the moment. Lucy nodded gratefully, but her face fell slightly. Marlene realised she’d no longer have to worry about the semantics of a date, as it was decidedly now a group thing. She mentally shot a curse at Fenwick. That stud was ruining her ‘moving on’ plans even more than her impossible crush on Mary.

“All right, Mare, let’s go,” Marlene linked her arm through the shorter girl’s. “See you there,” she said warmly to Lucy.

Lucy waved with lack lustre and sat back down. 

“That worked out well!” Mary chirped on the way back to the Gryffindor table, apparently ignorant to what she’d ruined. 

“Yeah,” Marlene glanced hopelessly to the enchanted ceiling. “Just fantastic.”

* * *

**3:16 p.m.**

The party was in full swing. People sang Gryffindor chants over the wireless that blared out the latest wizarding band, shared sweets and helped themselves to the Butterbeer and pumpkin juice on the table. Lily and Remus had at least convinced the others not to display the alcohol until the younger students could be banished to their dormitories. 

However, that didn’t stop Sirius from immediately sloshing a healthy amount of purplish liquid from a hip flask into Lily’s mug as soon as she’d set foot in the Common Room. 

“Well, cheers,” Lily told him, resigned to her fate. 

“Cheers!” Sirius exclaimed, now handing a brimming mug to Alice. 

Lily should have expected that James was not far behind Sirius, but when his fresh mint smell washed over her from behind and he touched a hand lightly to her hip she nearly leapt out of her skin. Lily’s pulse went manic as she turned and caught sight of him looking remarkably clean and stupidly good as he smirked at her and - damn, she  _ still  _ hadn’t changed out of the shirt. 

“Hello, Trouble,” said James. “Incited any riots through your lawlessness since lunch?”

He sounded quite pleased by the idea, and Lily tried not to smile at that. 

“I was high fived  _ twice  _ for my  _ lawlessness.  _ I don’t know whether I’m disgusted or proud. Is this how you feel all the time?” She asked sweetly. 

“Today I feel a little distracted,” James said as casually as he would tell her about the weather, but his eyes lingered on her. It was the shirt. It was just the shirt. 

Lily decided she needed whatever was in her mug to deal with James Potter and his James Potter-ness. It tasted surprisingly nice, like blueberries. She swallowed, eyeing him like she might observe a ticking time bomb. The casualty being her self-control. 

Her friends had already dispersed so Lily figured it was safe to pull the magnificent quill from her back pocket that she’d decided to bring down on a whim. She held it aloft. “I bought this for you,” She said quickly.

James frowned in confusion, but it was almost instantly smoothed out by the smile taking over his face, “What? When?”

“Weeks ago,” Lily admitted. “When we were in Hogsmeade together that afternoon…” As if he’d forget. “I bought it because I’d stolen your quill, you know, ages ago signing up for apparition? And it reminds me of your owl’s feathers. But then I felt stupid for making a big deal over nothing, so I kept it. But now you’ve won, I thought…”

James was grinning now, his eyes soft at the thought process behind this simple gift. “I  _ love _ a big deal over nothing,” He plucked the quill from her grip and Lily ducked her head to smile at her toes. “This is the best quill I’ve ever seen.”

“I have excellent taste,” Lily shrugged, as the portrait hole swung open, admitting the Gryffindor beaters Leon and Fern, plus a few of their friends. Including Thomas Brailey.

“In writing equipment, perhaps,” James’ tone was annoyed as he made eye contact with the boy who’d insulted Lily. 

Lily’s mouth twitched. She hesitated before putting a hand on his arm. James’ gaze snapped to it, before looking at her, eyes softer than before. He should be celebrating, she thought. Not thinking about idiots like him. 

Her tone was irritated, “Oh, you never take the day off, do you? Brailey  _ wasn’t  _ my taste.”

_ Argue with me, not him.  _

James took the bait. 

“But you went out with him,” He countered. Oh, he cared now? Lily pretended to glower, but she wasn’t as annoyed as she should have been. James liked to do that now; he needled her reluctant appreciation for his jealousy every so often, like he was checking she hadn’t changed her mind and Lily was tragically happy to play along.

“Whatever, you had a date that day, too.”

“What’s that got to do with it?”

Hm. Lily pursed her lips, “Nothing, obviously.”

James tilted his head, like a cat would watch a fish, “Did you have a problem with me going with Mary?”

“It didn’t matter to me. I thought it was  _ completely _ normal.”

James eyebrows’ raised, “You don’t sound normal.”

“It’s flu season, my sinuses are stuffed,” Lily scowled.

“Oh, Evans, I love it when you talk about your sinuses.”

“You know, my number one priority isn’t being alluring to you.”

James’ smile was wicked. “Doesn’t matter, you are.”

Merlin, he was dangerous like this. He made it too easy. “Oh, shut up,” she shot him a withering stare that did nothing to wipe off the smirk. 

“You shut up.”

“I will not be saying  _ make me,  _ you heathen.”

“Can’t blame a bloke for trying!”

Lily and James watched each other through stubborn eyes, at a conversational stalemate. She wondered if he knew that she’d completely distracted him from Brailey.

James did, and he loved how clever she was with her kindness. 

He smirked as he used his new (prized) quill to tickle her nose, which she scrunched adorably and batted him off.

“Thank you,” He said soberly.

Lily rolled her eyes. “You’re welcome.”

James’ eyes were electric when he smiled at her. “Come on, we got acid pops just for you.”

“Now that  _ is  _ something to write home about.” 

Lily let James guide her through the excited groups of students, already loud and raucous with victory, grabbing them two bottles of Butterbeer from Sirius’ grip when he was distracted. Lily used to spend so much of her energy at these parties pretending she didn’t approve just so that James wouldn’t get ideas. Now here  _ she  _ was getting ideas. 

Lily gestured to the euphoric students, “Your very own disciples. They think you’re amazing.”

James swapped the bottle into his other hand and slid an arm around her waist, almost lifting her off the ground, “I think you’re amazing.”

Lily laughed out loud, keeping both hands firmly on her bottle. She really shouldn’t let him touch her like that. It was too confusing. Still, Lily didn’t move. 

“This shirt is making you loopy, Potter,” she said airily.

James smirked at her cheek, “Yeah, it’s definitely the shirt. Nothing to do with you.”

Lily knew that James was flirting with her, and that she was flirting right back, but it was different than usual. They were at a party, there was booze and excitement in the air. There was a challenge that she hadn’t noticed before. It hit Lily that while James might have had the good fortune to get over her, he could still appreciate her the way she now did him. And he did it extremely obviously - was  _ she _ that obvious?

_ Well, staring into his eyes and wearing his shirt with his arm wrapped around you isn’t exactly subtle.  _

Lily inhaled shakily, “I think… I am going to destroy you at Exploding Snap. Alice has a drinking version and it’s completely lethal.”

James scoffed, “You’re on, Evans.”

* * *

**4:58 p.m.**

Mary let out a pained sigh. She was sat on the arm of the armchair Marlene inhabited, and they were at their favourite stage of drinking together: being dramatic. 

“I’m just saying, Mare,” Marlene clicked her fingers. “If I die before you, I think you should scatter my ashes in Italy. The coast.” 

“Marlene! How morbid. And you’ve never even been to Italy,” Mary complained, twisting around in her chair to poke her stomach. 

Marlene yelped and caught her hand. “Exactly! Don’t you think I should spend eternity there?”

“I thought you were spending eternity with  _ me _ ,” Mary whined. 

Marlene grinned and yanked Mary backwards, and she landed with a sharp squeal in her lap. There was no harm in being close with her. She was sick of her crush on Mary ruining a five year friendship. And she could think about her scattered feelings when she was all boring and sober. 

“Of course, darling. We’ll both go,” She promised airily, reaching for the bowl of crisps on the table. 

Mary giggled and let her head fall back. “Hey, Mar.”

“Mm?”

“I never said I was sorry about last week, when I missed your practice. But I am.”

Marlene blinked in surprise and shifted her head, “I know.”

The corners of Mary’s mouth lifted and she squeezed Marlene’s wrist. “I know you hate the boys I fancy because I act all stupid and forget about everything else. Like, I shouldn’t have skipped something important to you just to study with Benjy, no matter how gorgeous he is-” Marlene snorted. “I didn’t put you first.”

“You’re sounding very reflective, Mare,” Marlene joked. Her mind was still snagged on Mary assuming  _ that’s  _ why Marlene hated the boys she fancied. There was a truthfulness to it, but the  _ why  _ was all wrong. She thought of muggles’ ability to come up with non-magical explanations for magical things, and Lily assuming that James’ touchiness was purely about hooking up with her. 

“I believe in karma,” Mary said seriously. “I’d hate it if you forgot about me for someone else.”

Marlene huffed a laugh that Mary frowned at. She didn’t understand that at that moment, cuddled together by the fireplace, Marlene would recognise Mary in the next life, on a different planet. And she owed her an explanation. 

“Mare,” Marlene tilted her head and locked her blue eyes with Mary’s deep brown ones. “Is this about-”

Mary stiffened, “There’s Diggory.”

“Oh!” Marlene’s head snapped up from the bowl in her hands. Snacking be damned. 

Sure enough, Lucy, Fenwick and Dorcas Meadowes had just entered through the portrait hole. They were shortly followed by her brother Billy barrelling in, followed by Emmeline and several other Seventh Years. 

“And Benjy, of course,” Mary said after a beat. “So, you really are good friends?” 

“Uh, sort of.” 

“And since when do you make  _ sort of  _ friends and not tell me?” Mary demanded. She gasped, “She hates me. Is that it?” 

“No!” Marlene said quickly. Mary considered people not liking her a personal affront and often wanted to know why. She couldn’t bear the thought of Mary marching over and verbally assaulting poor Lucy. “It’s not important, that’s why, you dolt. I barely know her.” 

It felt like a betrayal to say it, to both Mary and Lucy. It was important because telling her best friend about a possible crush  _ was  _ important. But it wasn’t that simple. She’d been quietly yearning after that best friend for nine months and Mary had no clue that Marlene would even consider fancying a girl. 

And poor Lucy. Marlene really thought she might like her. Perhaps if she stopped being a pathetic idiot and lounging around with Mary. 

“I should go and say hey,” Marlene stood, manoeuvring Mary off her lap like she weighed little more than a stack of books. She flashed a signature easy smile. 

“I’ll come.” Mary made to stand, but Marlene stopped her by the elbow.

“It’s fine! I’ll send Fenwick over to you,” she promised with her biggest, fakest smile. 

Marlene was gone before Mary could protest. She slumped back down, put off and put out. Why would Marlene ditch her for some random girl? It struck Mary that perhaps she was embarrassed of her. She knew that she could be a little… much. 

Stupid Diggory and her tall, willowy body. Her and Marlene could probably share jeans, she thought bitterly. They were undoubtedly laughing about Mary’s short legs right that minute. 

Benjy and Dorcas made their way over seconds later, drinks in hand. 

“There she is!” Benjy grinned charmingly at Mary, and she blushed. But it wasn’t quite enough to soften the blow of Marlene’s swift exit. 

* * *

**7:32 p.m.**

James was merely tipsy on alcohol due to the fact that he couldn’t stop winning. He wondered when people would stop challenging him - a Quidditch Chaser - to games that involved throwing stuff. When he’d said that to Lily, she’d called him a smug git and promptly challenged him to a muggle game where you threw coins into other people’s cups. Suffice to say that she’d lost and gone off in search of someone she knew she could beat. Lily was a  _ sore  _ loser. 

James smirked at her across the room now as Lily celebrated her victories with Alice, Frank, and Mary. He was stood with the other Marauders, congratulating himself on staying away from her for longer than twenty minutes when she looked like  _ that.  _ He watched her pluck a drink out of a sneaky Third Year student’s hands. His stomach leapt as she caught his eye and waved the bottle, relentless eyes saying  _ look what you’ve done _ . 

Right, half an hour away from her was more than enough.

“And, we’re moving!” Peter said, gaining a chuckle from the others as they followed James to where he predictably went.

“How long was that, Prongs?” Sirius asked.

James ignored them and caught hold of his Quidditch shirt with two hands and drew Lily to him, making their friends shoot knowing eyes at each other. 

“Nooo, you could be unsanitary!” She protested, hands coming up to rest on his arms as though she’d push him away. 

James burst out laughing, “Unsanitary? I have had  _ three _ showers today.” If he counted the extra cold one after the match.

Lily considered it, her pout extremely dramatic for the situation at hand. “My dad used to tell Petunia and I that you’re unsanitary until I marry you.”

James eyebrows shot up with the speed of light, “Have you spoken to your  _ father _ about me, Evans?”

Lily’s face bloomed in crimson. “Ugh, not  _ you  _ specifically. He said boys in general.”

James worked hard not to frown at the idea of Lily and  _ boys in general.  _ It was made easier with the comforting thought that she was wearing his surname and currently in his arms. Pfft. Boys in general.

“Nobody’s getting married, weirdo,” Lily said airily, having recovered from the embarrassment. 

He smirked, “Tell that to your shirt.”

Lily narrowed her eyes in response, annoyed that he’d gotten her. 

“I would say take me to dinner first but you have tried that in all fairness,” she teased, relishing the way she threw him off guard. It felt weirdly good to joke about it. 

“Only about fifty times,” James reminisced, shaking his head at her like she was a great disappointment. “Some may call that heartless.” 

“I’ll bloody marry your best friend Fenwick to piss you off if you’re not careful.”

James pinched her waist and she yelped. “You would do that to me,” he ducked down and spoke in her ear. “But would you do that to Mary? She’d burst a blood vessel.”

Lily did her best to ignore the tingles and glowered up at him because he made a very good point, and it just made James smile. She disentangled herself from his arms. “Enjoy one upping me while you can, Potter. It’s only because you’ve had less to drink.”

He leaned back with a smirk. “I can fix that.”

“Please do.” 

Lily held up the bottle she’d confiscated from the Third Year pointedly. Where James was barely tipsy, she was one sip away from singing on the table. Lily had a fun game going, that every time he reached out or his hand lingered on her, she took a drink. She was surprised she wasn’t on the bloody floor because Good Merlin, was he  _ affectionate  _ today. The warm buzz of alcohol helped her confusion about it feel extremely nice. 

James took the bottle from her and took a long swig, and Lily watched his throat move like a total headcase. Not a secretive one either, from the way Remus snorted. 

Lily pressed her lips together and shrugged guiltily at him, because another thing alcohol did was make her wonderfully glib. 

“I am having so much fun,” Alice said randomly, stealing Frank’s mug to take a sip. “I don’t know how you Marauders do it, but I don’t care.” 

They laughed appreciatively at that, and Remus tapped his glass against hers, “We prefer it that way, too.”

“So many  _ secrets,”  _ Alice wiggled her fingers theatrically. 

Lily bit her cheek and murmured out of the side of her mouth, “You told  _ me _ . Sucker.”

James coughed in surprise, suitably guilty. He glanced at her with a conspiratorial smile and squeezed her to his side for a too short moment. “The kitchens and the passageway are just the beginning, Evans,” he muttered back, satisfied at the way her expression transformed into demanding curiosity. 

“I’ll get it out of you at some point,” Lily told him. 

James sighed in defeat, “I have no doubt.”

She smiled into her sleeve at that, leaning into his warmth just a fraction. Damn him and his superpower of making her feel actually special. Even when she was vexed by him, her brain couldn’t help but wonder why he saw her the way he did. And lately, did he see her that way now? 

“What are you two whispering about?” Sirius asked suspiciously. 

“How much of a total lightweight you are,” Lily said quickly, poking out her tongue. 

Sirius barked a laugh, and downed the last of his mug for good measure. “At least you’re in good spirits tonight, Evans.”

“Hey - I’m always a bloody delight!” Lily countered, looking to Mary and Alice for support. They nodded, giggling at her tipsy struggle for words. 

Sirius waved his hand, “I have heard that.” He winked at James who looked like he might clamp his and over his mate’s mouth. “I just meant the last party we had at the end of exams… you were… sad.”

“Padfoot,” warned James and Remus simultaneously. 

The smile slipped from Lily’s face, but she wasn’t angry. She just nodded slowly. She  _ was  _ miserable at that party. Her oldest friend had just shown his true colours and she remembered the feeling of utter hopelessness, like everyone would let her down eventually and she’d have to get used to it. And Lily had drunk too much in the corner and fallen asleep on the armchair whilst the Common Room partied on. 

“Poor Mar sat with me even after I’d passed out. I completely ruined her night,” Lily rolled her eyes, trying to show them she wasn’t so sensitive that she couldn’t hear about that day. 

Sirius frowned, “That wasn’t Marlene, that was James.” 

Lily stopped mid inhale.  _ Excuse me?  _

“Padfoot, didn’t you say you’d flirt with Greengrass given half the chance? She’s over there-” began James, but Sirius was undeterred, as he fixed Lily with an earnest stare. 

“Of course, he couldn’t enjoy himself when you were so upset anyway. He sat and stopped people from spilling their drinks on you most of the night.” Sirius looked proud of his friend. 

James had given up on getting him to shut up as it was clearly a lost cause. 

It was Alice, of all people, who hauled Sirius away by the sleeve. The others made excuses to move away, making up names of friends they didn’t have. 

James gazed up at the ceiling, at the floor, with sheer determination. He couldn’t let Lily see his colossal embarrassment now that she knew what a sad bastard he was. She was so  _ angry  _ at him that day that if she’d known it was him that sat there and not Marlene, she’d have tried to jinx his nose off. 

But Lily only covered her mouth with a hand and swivelled to look up at his face, blinking in shock. Merlin, was she going to be mad that he’d stayed with her when she’d repeatedly told him to piss off? 

“ _ You  _ sat there listening to my miserable, drunken rant about why I should join a muggle convent?” 

James’ eyes finally jumped to hers, incredulous. “Hang on,  _ you’re  _ embarrassed?” 

Lily covered her eyes now, shoulders shaking with laughter. “Of course! Wait,” She peaked at him through her fingers. “Why would you be embarrassed?”

“Well…”

“For sitting with a drunk idiot who had very publicly screamed at you hours beforehand? And not making  _ fun  _ of her for it?” Lily dropped her hands, face flushed in a way he adored. She chewed her cheek as she jumbled with the words. Alcohol meant that she didn’t care if she sounded soppy. “You have been… so  _ decent  _ to me, James Potter. You are unfathomably kind, actually.” 

James swallowed, overwhelmed. “It’s nothing—”

Lily reached out abruptly and placed her fingers on his lips. Neither knew how much the small contact sped up their pulses. “It’s not, James,” she said firmly. 

He nodded, a familiar smile turning his lips upwards. It was one of Lily’s favourites, (because rating James’ smiles was something she did now.) Soft and intimate, making her wonder who else he’d smile at like that someday. 

* * *

Mary twirled a curl around her finger as she watched Lily and James’ talk, noticing how her friend shifted her weight from one foot to the other every so often. Lily never did that unless she was with James, like his presence had her running on nervous energy. Her walls were crumbling around him, anyone could see it. Even Mary, originally so steadfast in her belief that Lily didn’t like James just because she said so. Did that make her an idiot? What else was she missing? 

Her gaze travelled to Frank pouring Alice a fresh drink, and how she leaned on his arm, telling a story and giggling with drunk excitement. Then of course, to Marlene sat on the rug with Lucy, listening intently with a fond grin. Mary’s eyebrows knitted together. 

“Are you all right, Mary?” Remus nudged her gently. 

“Yes,” she answered pensively. She turned to him, “Do you like change, Remus?” 

Remus blinked in surprise and he considered it, “I don’t think anybody does. But Summer must fade into Autumn, after all.” He glanced to where she’d been staring moments before. “Mary, the key isn’t liking change, it’s adapting to it.” 

“Before you get left behind,” She finished glumly. 

“They’d never leave you behind,” Remus assured her, abandoning the pretense. “But you might get lost in the past.” 

“Thanks, Remus,” Mary finished her drink and made herself walk forwards. 

“Where are you going?” 

She shrugged, “I guess I’m going to adapt.”

* * *

**9:15 p.m.**

“ _ Spin the Bottle?” _ Marlene demanded. “Whose dumb idea was this?” 

She sat down with all the other Sixth and Seventh Years forming the messy circle, unease swirling in her gut. She wouldn’t have joined if only Lucy hadn’t laughed and called it a great idea. 

Lily collapsed onto the sofa next to her, giggling. “Your brother and Sirius, I believe.” 

Sirius, a few feet away, winked. 

Marlene took in Lily with a shake of her head, “You are so pissed, Lily Evans. Sober Lily would completely agree with me that this is a terrible idea.”

Lily exhaled loudly, “Sober Lily is long gone, my friend. But I think of her often.” She sat up straighter, eyes narrowing at Marlene. “Why are you being all responsible? You hate that.”

Marlene chanced a look at Lucy, caught in conversation with her friend Dorcas. “I just don’t want to do anything  _ stupid—”  _ Marlene dug Lily in the ribs, and she burst out into laughter, “—like you inevitably will in this game.”

“What does that mean?” Lily asked in between breathlessness. 

Marlene smoothed Lily’s hair away from her flushed face in a maternal gesture. “It means that the bottle will land on you and James, pet.” 

Lily began shushing her immediately, aware of Sirius nearby, “Do you really think I don’t know how to jinx a bottle, Mar _?  _ It won’t. _ ”  _

“You’re  _ blushing,  _ though _!  _ Merlin, I bet you would kiss him, too.”

“No!” Lily whispered. “We’re  _ friends.” _

Marlene grinned, poking the Gryffindor shirt, “And everyone can see how  _ friendly _ you are!” 

“Why can no one just let a boy and a girl be mates?” Lily pouted. 

“They do. James and I are excellent friends,” Marlene pointed out. “And I have never once wondered if he’d be a good snog.” 

She didn’t need to know that Marlene had in fact never wondered if  _ any  _ boy was a good kisser. 

“Nor have I!” Lily insisted, but her cheeks nearly matched her hair. 

Marlene laughed, but Mary joining the circle with Benjy Fenwick caught her eye and she struggled to smile at all. Mary, like all of them, was considerably more tipsy than the last time they’d spoken. Marlene thought she was doing an exceptional job of being casual about it, but seeing her with the Ravenclaw, hand balanced on his knee, made her heart twist in overtime to make up for the last two hours.

Marlene stood, tearing her eyes away. “Lil, I’m getting another drink after all.”

Lily cheered as she tucked her legs beneath her, watching Marlene stride with determination to where a cauldron of the Marauders’ cocktail stood. Tapping her own glass, her eyes landed somewhat predictably on James, still feeling warm from what Marlene said. She watched as Peter pulled him aside to excitedly share something with him. Nerves bubbled through her as James laughed, flashing his white teeth and highlighting his jawline. 

She couldn’t kiss him. 

Well, physically she could, if only to see if he’d hold her loosely like he did when he pulled her into his side or if it would be a firmer —

No, but the point was she wouldn’t. Lily would fix the game like she had on every other occasion and go on with her normal life. 

Tap, tap, tap. Her fingers drummed faster on the glass as two Hufflepuff girls joined Peter and James’ conversation. She didn’t care, but it was rather odd for them to smile at James like that. They absolutely didn’t need to touch his arm like that — what if he hated it but was being polite? James was so sodding nice he thought everyone was just  _ friendly _ . Lily was already standing up when she marvelled how much an arrogant berk could be so clueless. 

She was beside James, albeit swaying slightly, before she knew it. 

“Girls, look at your cups, so  _ dry!”  _ Lily announced. She thought about it for approximately two seconds before placing her hand on James’ shoulder and leaning heavily. She bit back a smile at his instant response of curling an arm around her waist, lifting her up a fraction so that she felt feather light. Merlin, he was so  _ supportive.  _ “Peter can take you to get a top up before the game. Did you know he brewed this stuff?” Lily told them in a tone of awe.

“Master of potions,” James agreed seriously. 

Peter’s confusion turned into a charming smile of delight as the girls glanced at him. 

“This way!” He told them. 

They bid an amused goodbye to the two girls who looked a healthy mix of confused and irritated as they followed a buoyant Peter. 

“What was that?” James asked Lily, smiling crookedly down at her, his own words lazy from the alcohol. 

She had no clue how to form a non-damning response. “What?” Lily said loudly over the din to buy time.

James squeezed her tighter and bent his head to speak directly into her ear. “Did you just do what I think you just did?” 

Being this close to Lily was having more effect than all the drinks he’d had tonight combined. James was officially at a place with Lily that Fifth Year James would have sold a limb to be at - lips brushing her ear as he flirted with her and she most  _ definitely  _ flirted back. 

Lily’s traitorous body shivered.

“No idea what you mean.”

“Oh? Because I think you just pulled a James Potter.”

“Aha, you’re so drunk!” Lily exclaimed in panic. “Drunk James loves to talk in the third person.”

James laughed brightly, the sound so lovely to Lily that she couldn’t help but laugh too. 

“And apparently drunk Lily likes to, what, push other girls away from me?” He asked so airily smug that she elbowed him. It was pathetic, because she was pressed so close to his side, but James pretended to be gravely wounded. “ _ Oof,  _ oh, Evans, you’ve killed me!”

“That’s not what I was doing,” Lily informed him in an exaggerated tone. “I was saving those girls from you, really. I’ve seen your charms, Potter.”

James pressed his chuckling mouth to her ear once more, “Yeah, and you seem absolutely disgusted.” 

Lily’s whole body heated as she squirmed her way out of his grip. “Oh,  _ please.  _ All right, Casanova, let’s go and sit down for the stupid game, and you can kiss every person in the room for all I care!”

“Thanks very much,” James nodded seriously, before he was laughing again, and Lily was too drunk to stop herself from giggling from the utter ridiculousness of  _ them.  _

* * *

“Oh, Merlin, here they come,” Marlene told Lucy from where they’d relocated back to the sofa, grimacing as she downed her drink and watched Lily and James fall over themselves laughing.

Lucy was grinning bemusedly, “I really thought that Lily hated Potter,” she whistled. “Apparently  _ not.”  _

“Make room for the gorgeous bird in the shirt with my name on the back,” James announced, making Lily pretend to gag as she flopped onto the sofa. She promptly leaned over Marlene’s lap to chat with Lucy. 

Marlene rolled her eyes over Lily’s head, and drawled sarcastically to James, “You’re being very  _ cool _ .”

James dragged his eyes away from Lily, a momentous occasion, and spoke in wonderment to Marlene, “I can’t believe I’m saying this, Mar, but she doesn’t mind. Now that I’m not, you know-”

“Terrorising the student body,” Marlene completed helpfully.

“Bloody hell, not quite,” He pulled a face. 

“I’m kidding,” Marlene said, fanning herself. “Is it hot in here?”

James blinked slowly through his alcohol haze and tilted his head at her. “Are you alright? You look incredibly stressed for a party.” 

“Why would I be  _ stressed?”  _ She snapped, thus proving his point. 

James didn’t have time to question her before Sirius was banging a spoon against an empty bottle to shut the circle up and Lily sat up, effectively ending the conversation. 

Sirius twirled his wand like a baton and grinned lazily at the group. 

“You know the rules,” He said to them. “Whoever the bottle lands on, you kiss. You can, of course, forfeit, because I’m a fair man. But if you  _ do  _ forfeit, the alternative might be worse, because I’m also a bastard. A loveable bastard,” He winked at a giggling Hufflepuff. 

“Just spin it, Black!” Marlene heckled to a smattering of laughter, because irritating him helped her nerves. 

Sirius merely smirked, “ _ Someone  _ can’t wait to kiss me.” 

Marlene let out a long suffering sigh as Lucy giggled and leaned into her teasingly, and she felt her chest ease, just a bit. 

* * *

The first few rounds were harmless, in which Ruby managed to kiss two people, one of them being an alarmed Remus, Sirius kissed a hysterically giggling Hestia, and Leon landed on his girlfriend Fern to a collective sound of  _ aw.  _

When the bottle was passed to James, nerves sparked through him. He had no reason to be, really. Lily thought he didn’t know that she had been tampering with the bottle since Fifth Year, but he did. James realised that might be  _ why  _ he was nervous. What did it mean if she jinxed it now? What did it mean if she  _ didn’t?  _

Her leg was still pressed against his like a current connecting them when James took a dramatic breath and spun the bottle. There was a rise in giggles and whispers as it rotated, the speed dwindling rapidly, contrasting the increased speed of his pulse. 

Slower, slower, slower. 

Alice. 

His small friend threw her head back laughing before glancing at Frank, who smacked his knuckles against his palm jokingly at James. He laughed, but his brain was whirring. Had Lily whispered anything? Had she even moved in the last thirty seconds? She felt static beside him, but when he glanced at her, her eyes were warm and completely impossible to read. 

Plastering a carefree smirk on his face, James strode over to Alice, who tapped her cheek with her finger with a tinkling laugh. His lips smacked her cheek chastely for a short second before tipping an invisible hat to Frank, amidst much cheering. 

Lily wasn’t prepared for the rush of affection she’d feel for James in that moment when he was being so sweet with her friend. Marlene and Lucy cackled beside her, but she could only bite her cheek and clamp down on the jittery feeling in her stomach.

“Such a gent,” she told him as James sat back down, teasing even though she meant it. 

James nodded with mock humility to make her laugh, but his eyes were searching in a way that made Lily feel like his gaze was catching on every one of her freckles. 

The cool glass was a shock to Lily’s palm when James pressed the bottle into her hand. 

“What do you want to do if you land on Brailey?” He murmured, only half joking. 

Another giggle, “Leave the country.”

James’ chuckle warmed her bones before Lily remembered she had to focus. Her brain was so mushy, she truthfully just wanted to lean on him and continue to laugh like a maniac. But landing on James, as good as he smelled, was not a good idea. She inhaled, and spun the bottle on the carpet. 

Merlin, her palms were sweating. 

Lily wished it would stop spinning as much as she wished it would spin forever. 

But she was heavily leaning toward the latter as it stilled achingly slowly and the circle erupted. 

Lily blinked at it. The treacherous inanimate object that pointed directly, unmistakably at James. 

She wordlessly snatched up the bottle and gave it to Marlene, like it would erase the moment.

She could only form one thought.

_ Thank Merlin I’m drunk.  _

“ _ What happened to jinxing it?”  _ Her friend hissed. 

Sirius howled in delight, and several people whistled encouragement that Lily completely froze out in favour of shaking her head. The dozens of conversations in the Common Room going on at once had dispersed into giggling and shouts. They were at a loss, as well. Lily Evans had  _ never  _ landed on James Potter. 

There was no way this was happening. She didn’t seem to be able to look anyone in the eye, or swallow, or  _ breathe.  _

Lily glanced around, feeling like she had been rocketed back into Fifth Year. Why did everyone else always have to get involved? It was always going to be the same with them, staring at her like an animal in the zoo for not giving in like they wanted. Like she wasn’t a person with confusing feelings about James that no one would give her a single minute to sort out —

Her eyes found hazel ones, and Lily’s breath hitched. 

James opened his mouth, but she held her hands up. “Forfeit!” Lily cried like she’d been born to do so. 

He blinked at her outburst, eyebrows raising. 

“Forfeit?” Sirius repeated, smirk growing. “Who in this circle could  _ possibly  _ have a forfeit for Evans and Potter?”

Lily’s eyes flashed, “Hey, it’s my forfeit! I get to lick the floor or something.”

“Ouch, Evans,” James whistled, leaning back on the sofa, and she stuck her tongue out. 

Oh, Merlin, bad idea. James’ eyes were drawn to her mouth before jumping to the ceiling. There was suddenly a shout. From right beside her. 

“Forfeit is two minutes in the broom cupboard!” 

The suggestion was met with rapturous support. 

“ _ Marlene!”  _

Lily’s jaw dropped at Marlene, but her friend’s face was unrelenting. She shrugged, like it was nothing, and flicked her blonde hair behind her. 

“If you don’t care… why do you  _ care?”  _ She asked Lily, loud enough for everyone to hear. 

Right. That was logical. The bigger deal she made out of it, the more it looked like she actually  _ wanted  _ to. She was a big girl, with alcohol thrumming through her. It would be fine. It was James. Just James, who looked good, smelled amazing and touched her more than strictly necessary in a way that made her skin prickle. 

The boy in question leaned forward to mutter over her shoulder, “You’re making a real meal out of this, Evans.” 

Irritation jerked Lily into standing abruptly, belatedly realising that was his plan. The smug git was quite at his leisure; not fancying her made him glib in a way that Lily was trying not to take as hurtful. She willed her legs, wobbling with inebriation and anxiety, to stay still. It could be nice to not be the girl who spoiled the fun for a change. 

“Personally,” Lily spoke to the delighted circle, “I think you all need to get a hobby. But if me standing in that dingy old room with this idiot will make you happy, I’ll bloody do it! What’s it to me?” 

She could easily refrain from kissing James Potter. She’d done it fantastically well for the past sixteen years. What difference did a cupboard make? 

James swept a hand through his hair as he got up, too, surprise flitting across his features. “Care to accompany me to the gross old cupboard, Evans?”

Lily shot him an unimpressed look, “Care to accompany  _ me,  _ Potter?” 

Remus muttered something like “oh, boy” as James’ eyes glittered. 

“Still can’t just say yes, can you?” He asked in a warm tone before sweeping his arm below her knees and picking her up. 

Lily shrieked as her feet left the ground, “No,  _ no!”  _

James ignored her as he carried her to the cupboard, opening the door with one hand like a total show off. She wished such a pointless display of strength didn’t make her stomach flip. 

Lily and James were exceedingly dramatic as they disappeared inside the cupboard they’d seen open about four times in their entire Hogwarts careers, James saluting, Lily like she was off to her funeral. She shot a particularly furious gaze at Marlene, only then noticing that Lucy was no longer beside her. 

But when the door snapped shut behind them to a background of whistling, Lily was only aware of just how dark it was, and how solid James was. Her heartbeat hammered in her ears, and their breathing quickly filled up the small space, his fanning all over her face. 

Ever so slowly, James set her down, but he didn’t take his arms from around her. There was barely any room, anyway, so Lily didn’t move. 

Apparently, a close confines cupboard made the world of difference on the scale of  _ how likely are you to make out with James Potter?  _

It had seemed like such a joke a minute ago, like they’d come in here and discuss politics. But the air was dense, and she could hear nothing above his breathing but that was all that seemed important somehow anyway. 

James was going to kiss her. Not because he fancied her, but because he was attracted to her. Perhaps he’d kiss her just to see what it would be like, to see if it was worth all that time he’d wasted. That was fine. They were both older, he didn’t have to want to be with her. She didn’t even want to be with  _ him,  _ so surely a kiss would be fine, quite nice actually, and — 

“We can just hide out in here,” James said on an exhale. “I know how much you hate people staring at you like that.”

“Oh.”

Oh, dear Merlin. She was disappointed. She was actually disappointed that he wasn’t going to kiss her. 

“I’m not kissing you,” Lily blurted, like that would repair the blaring thought in her head saying the exact  _ opposite.  _

Merlin. It could have been left alone.  _ Alone! What was she doing?  _

James huffed a laugh, giving up valuable oxygen that he was saving as breathing in Lily Evans’ air was a dangerous thing. He was so damn  _ glad _ he’d lost his nerve. 

“I didn’t try,” he said.

Lily slid her palms down to rest lightly on his chest like a flimsy barrier. “Maybe not with your mouth,” she snarked. “But with your eyes.” 

_ Shut up, Lily! Too much damn firewhiskey!  _

James laughed now, “My  _ eyes?  _ I’d never do such a thing.”

Lily’s mouth opened in shock at his denial, “You would. You have - you  _ do!”  _

His laughter reverberated through his chest now, a giddiness from drinking and having Lily  _ pretend  _ to be mad. James pulled Lily closer to rest his forehead against hers. She would never be close enough for him. “Then why haven’t you shouted at me?”

Lily’s breathing stopped for a second. “I don’t know.”

James felt like he was on the verge of a breakthrough. But he was drunk, and confused and completely enamoured by the girl before him, so it could be nothing. If he could just  _ show  _ her.

“Your breathing is all off,” He reached up to brush her cheek with his knuckle. “Lily, I don’t kiss people who don’t want to be kissed. Relax.” 

Her eyes closed at his brief touch. Merlin, he was so off the mark. She was standing in a dingy cupboard in his arms wearing his shirt. Wasn’t he supposed to be  _ smart?  _

She felt lightheaded when she breathed him in, and a low laughter took over her, shaking her shoulders. It was the mask of the darkness paired with alcohol that made her say something so cosmically stupid. 

“Do  _ you _ want to?” 

The air was taut. James had no idea if it was a trick. It felt like he was dreaming. So he said, “You’re Lily Evans.” 

Lily frowned, “Is that it?”

_ Is that? That’s everything,  _ James thought, but he pulled back the flow of amorous confessions with a sharp leash. 

“That’s all the explanation you need.”

“I honestly have no idea what to say when you say things like that.” 

James was so close her top lip grazed his, feather light, when he spoke. “You don’t have to  _ say  _ anything.”

“Aha,” Lily breathed, trying to regain some control. “You do want to.”

“No shit.”

Lily wasn’t laughing now, as James pulled his hands from her waist to cup her jaw. He was so close their exhalations mingled. He was warm and enticing, and her blood rushed through her veins like lava from a volcano. With his lips a mere hair’s breadth from hers, Lily realised two things. 

One, she really wanted to kiss James. A lot. Because he was gorgeous and even when he was annoying he made her blood tingle. 

But number two, just not like this. 

“We shouldn’t, though,” Lily told him weakly. “I just got you as a friend.” 

It was the closest James had ever been to Lily in his life. Her cheeks were warm and flushed beneath his palms, and her breathing came short and fast. Her pupils glittered dark and wide encircled by the emerald of her eyes he adored so much. She wanted him to kiss her. But she was worried, too. No doubt about what it would mean, what people would say. It was something he’d learned about her in the past few months. James wasn’t about to toss that aside like it was nothing. He could never let her feel unimportant. 

James' sigh was slow and unravelling before his lips tickled hers, and he instead gave her one lingering kiss on each cheek. It couldn’t have been more different to the way he’d kissed Alice in the game. They both knew that this was no game. 

There was a loud bang on the door. Lily and James both jumped, but he didn’t let go instantly.

“Thirty seconds, you sauces!” Sirius called. 

The outside world’s noise crashed their senses at the same time, and Lily touched her fingers to her lips and a peal of laughter escaped her as she stared in determination at the dark ceiling. James’ hands slipped from her into his hair, grinning and attempting to ground himself. 

She couldn’t believe the cruel irony of how attractive James respecting her wishes was, and he couldn’t believe that she’d let him touch her like that, say those things. Friends, indeed. 

Sirius banged the door again, and Lily made a frustrated noise. She banged the door with her fist right back. 

“As if! James has shattered the window and jumped!” She shouted, eyes skating over James as he snorted. 

The door was flung open, and light poured into the broom cupboard. Sirius stood on the other side, flanked by at least ten other people and highly suspicious as he scrutinised them. 

“You’re both a bit pink,” He wiggled his eyebrows. 

James shoved his best mate on the way out, “Yeah, it’s bloody hot in there, you tosser.”

“Spare us the details!” Sirius winked, earning a second shove from Lily this time. 

“I’m done playing,” Lily informed him. 

James bit down on a smile at that. “Me, too.” 

Sirius’ eyebrows raised into his hairline, and he stared pointedly at James, who began whistling airily and avoiding his gaze. 

“That’s awkward, I won’t lie, because I persuaded a lot of people in that circle to play on the basis they’d get to make out with one of you,” Sirius sighed, and Lily made a noise of disgust. 

He clapped James on the shoulder meaningfully and swanned back into the circle. Lily followed his walk just in time to see none other than Mary kiss Benjy Fenwick with significant enthusiasm. 

“Oh, wow,” she said, suddenly desperate not to meet James’ eyes. That had almost been  _ her  _ two minutes ago, and she could still feel his warmth radiating over to her. 

James raised his eyebrows. At least that stupid sod wasn’t flirting with Lily. “I think she’s going to eat him.”

Lily giggled as she shushed him. She had to hand it to her mate; months of yearning had paid off. Her eyes slid to James once more. 

James cleared his throat when Mary put a hand through Fenwick’s hair, remembering the way Lily’s hands had lingered on his chest. Merlin, he had been so close to that. “I-”

“Yeah-

“Me, too-”

“Okay.”

Lily and James smirked in embarrassment as they strode off determinedly in opposite directions. He let out a shuddering breath and she squeezed her eyes shut. She needed a minute. Or an entire year. 

* * *

**10:48 p.m.**

“Oh, Lil, don’t look now but Mary’s standing right behind you with the swollen lips of a girl who got made out with real good.”

Alice and Lily lapsed into renewed giggling as an embarrassed yet pleased Mary dropped into the armchair beside them. 

“At least I wasn't sat here throwing popcorn into each other’s mouths for the last twenty minutes!” She said primly.

Alice’s jaw popped open, “I have a boyfriend!”

Lily pursed her lips, “And I have… a popcorn catching record to keep.”

Alice leaned her head back to stare Lily down. “Don’t buy that, Mary, she’s been sneaking glances at James over my head and thinks I haven’t noticed.” 

A shower of popcorn rained down on Alice and Lily smirked at her shriek. 

“It was nice of you to take a break from dancing on the table,” Mary snorted. 

Lily held up the bowl of jelly frogs threateningly, “That was very brief.” 

Alice laughed and swung her legs onto the floor, balancing her hand on her chin. “So how was Benjy, Mary?”

Mary grinned, “Oh, he’s  _ great _ . All he needed was a little encouragement.” 

Lily squealed in delight, “I am so happy for you.”

“But you, Lily, you seriously didn’t kiss James in there?”

Lily waved her hands madly to signal being quiet, wriggling her toes in her socks at the memory, still fresh and likely burned onto her brain forever. “I seriously didn’t,” she confirmed in a low tone. “We’re… in a really good place. Plus we’d both drunk so much and I’d eaten way too many acid pops.” 

Lily had no idea why she wouldn’t tell them about how hard it was to not kiss him. Like she was showing her hand way too early. 

“I can’t believe Mar suggested that you go into the broom cupboard in the first place!” Alice shook her head. 

Lily blew out a breath, “I have no idea why she chose that moment to be pushy. I haven’t even seen her for the last hour.”

Mary’s glowing face soured slightly when she said, “She was doing some foul shots with her brother last time I saw her. She basically ignored me.” 

Alice and Lily frowned sympathetically. 

“She’s a weird drunk,” Alice comforted. 

Mary picked at a thread in her cardigan, “She didn’t want me near Diggory, either.”

Lily stood unevenly and sat on the arm of Mary’s chair, wrapping her in a hug. “I’m sorry she’s being weird, Mare.” 

Alice rubbed her arm. “And Diggory left right after Spin the Bottle.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah,” Alice shrugged. “I don’t know whether to ask or not.” 

“Maybe she has to get up early,” Lily suggested, knowing it wasn’t true. Lucy had left right after Marlene decided to offer up Lily as entertainment in the form of putting her in a cupboard with James. 

He caught her eye then, from where he stood playing some dumb catching game with his Quidditch teammates, and Lily felt like a rope was pulled taut between them. She felt a heatwave come over her, and rolled her eyes as James smirked into his drink and ran a hand through his hair. The temptation to stumble over there and be rude to him just to be close to him and see the way his nose crinkled when he thought she was spouting bullshit was overwhelming. 

But then she caught Mary’s poorly disguised forlorn expression and steeled herself. Mary had just kissed the boy she had fancied forever and was sad because of Mar being… well, Mar. It didn’t sit right. 

* * *

**11:12 p.m.**

She managed to catch Marlene on her way back from the dormitory, cigarette in hand. 

“That kind of night, huh?” Lily said. 

“Do you want one, Lilypad?” Marlene asked, waving it in her face. 

She wrinkled her nose as they descended the stairs together, “If I smell smoke right now, I will officially vomit on your shoes.” 

Marlene snickered appreciatively, “I can’t wait to share the toilet bowl with you later.”

“Mar…” Lily began. “Have you spoken to Mary?”

The change in Marlene’s demeanour was instant, and she bit her lip as she shrugged. “We’re not actually attached at the hip, you know.”

“I’m serious.”

Marlene rubbed her face and fell onto the rickety chair beside the small table in front of the window. “I don’t want to talk right now, Lil.”

She exhaled and when she brought her face up again, her eyes were red. 

Lily frowned, and sat beside her. “Wait, wait, Mar, what’s wrong?”

Marlene let out a groan of frustration. “I’m just sick of it.”

“Sick of what?”

But Marlene just shook her head, distracted. “Mary kissed Fenwick in that ridiculous game, you know. And they’ve disappeared to Merlin knows where now!”

“Are you worried about her?” Lily asked urgently, growing alarmed at Marlene’s outburst.

“No, I’m not worried about her,” Marlene said shortly. “But she doesn’t think. She _ never  _ thinks.”

Lily’s eyes widened, “Don’t you think you’re being a little harsh? Come on, Mar, she can kiss who she wants.” She rubbed her arms self-consciously. “We’re her friends, not her keepers.”

“I know that!” Marlene exclaimed, feeling the telltale prickle of heat behind her eyes. She blinked quickly, exhaling and letting her head fall back against the wall.

“Tell me what’s wrong. I’m getting worried,” Lily told her gently.

“I’ve told you I’m fine,” Marlene snapped, regretting the way she could feel herself clamming up.

Lily bristled, “Well, I disagree. You’re not telling me something.”

Marlene sat up, “Oh, and you’re telling the complete truth all the time are you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Marlene scoffed. She couldn’t help the words that tunnelled out of her throat and laid themselves upon her frankly undeserving best friend. She was just so angry, so frustrated, and so tired.

“James.” Lily stiffened, cheeks colouring. “You act like he hung the bloody moon all night but tomorrow you’ll be telling everyone that you hardly care about him at all.”

“I won’t! That’s not fair,” Lily protested. She sat up straighter and fully faced Marlene. “Maybe, Mar, just maybe if you stopped analysing what I think of James, and what Mary thinks of Benjy, Lucy wouldn’t have stalked out of here!”

Marlene stood furiously, upset by what she knew was the stupid truth, and folded her arms, “Just leave me alone, Lily. You don’t understand.”

Lily steeled her voice as her throat felt thick with tears. “You won’t let me!”

“So take the hint!”

“Fine, I won’t ask ever again!” Lily threw her hands up.

“Thank  _ Merlin _ for that,” Marlene shot back, and turned on her heel.

Lily wiped furiously at the dampness on her cheek, and told her retreating figure, “You should give Mary a break. You’re hurting her, and she has no idea why.”

Marlene paled as she turned back to meet Lily’s eyes. It was almost… like she knew. That was almost all she thought about, at night when Mary slept peacefully a metre away and Marlene had hours to replay all of the moments she had been dismissive to Mary just to keep herself protected. 

Marlene shook her head, ducking out of the Common Room just before her face crumpled. 

Lily watched Marlene leave with a horrible sinking feeling. That wasn’t how she had intended for that to go at all. It was incredibly frustrating to have a friend in pain, but not know why. Or not know for sure, at least. Lily dabbed at her eyes and stood, surveying the party that had turned into its twilight stage. The music was still on, but softer than before, and people milled around in groups, laughing and some already in pyjamas. 

It was a mix of inevitability and shock that needled Lily when she realised she just wanted to talk to James. 

They’d almost kissed tonight. They’d let each other know in no uncertain terms that they were both into it. But they hadn’t, and it wasn’t she was determined it wouldn’t be awkward. Sure, she was embarrassed as hell, but he never made her feel bad for it, after all. As attracted as she was to James, she felt confident about not risking his friendship. That was a good decision. Now that he was so ingrained into her life, could Lily deal with him dipping out of it? He was good, though. Solid. And loyal. Lily didn’t see him ditching her anymore than he would ditch Sirius, Remus or Peter. And that made her feel all kinds of scarily happy. 

* * *

**11:30 p.m.**

James scoffed at Remus just as a small hand tapped him insistently on the shoulder. The smirk on Sirius’ face told him exactly who it was. James turned to find Lily, his lips already pulled up in a small smile. James wasn’t overly proud of the near primal feeling he still got when he saw the shirt hanging off her slim frame.

“ _ James _ .”

The boys clapped him on the shoulder as they moved into the middle of the room. They were frankly lucky that Lily wasn’t her usual observational self because she would have hexed them for the looks on their faces.

“ _ What _ , Lily?” James laughed.

She loved that sound. She wanted it on a record.

“I have a theory,” she told him. 

“Mm?” James responded, eyes flitting down to her lips, all traces of guilt gone. 

“I would feel infinitely better if you hugged me right now.” 

James' smile was slow to form, and swam in his eyes more than on his mouth. Thank Merlin, the almost-kiss hadn’t freaked her out. She was here. He hadn’t fucked it up. 

Lily folded her arms tighter than before, smiling in a sudden show of shyness. James was glad the drinks had faded so that he could remember this in every glorious detail. 

“Well, Evans,” James set his bottle on the nearby table with great importance. Lily’s emerald gaze followed the action, widening slightly in apprehension. He opened his arms. “C’mere.” 

Lily stepped forward into his space like she was in a trance. “Only because you just asked.”

He smiled knowingly. Even drunk, Lily’s pride was unmatched.

“Of course,” He told her before wrapping her up in his arms.

Lily was in minty, woodsmoke heaven. She was  _ right _ . His hugs we like falling into bed after a long, hard day. Bundled up in his tight grip, Lily felt her legs go to jelly and suspected he was keeping her upright. Whatever, he was strong enough and she could blame it on the alcohol. She hoped she could also use that excuse for when she nuzzled slightly into his chest. But then James exhaled, resting his cheek on her head, and she didn’t think he’d be asking for excuses. 

What Marlene had said about Lily and James hit her stomach and settled uneasily between her ribs. What a heartless cow she must appear to be. How could James stand to be friends with a girl who’d humiliated him endlessly with public rejection? She knew now that he was not as robust as he seemed, he was just very clever at disguising it.

“Why do you need to feel better?” James asked soothingly. 

“Marlene yelled at me,” Lily told him. “It was so out of the blue — except, not really. I think I might be a bad friend.” 

James shook his head, “Hey, Lily, whatever’s going on with Marlene, it’s not you she’s mad at. Our Mar has a notorious temper, but she’ll come around. And when she does, she’ll talk to  _ you.  _ You know how I know that?” He asked, jostling her gently. 

Lily blinked back hot tears. “You’re excellent at Divination?” She asked in a small voice. 

“Because you’re my friend, and you’re the best friend anyone could want,” James said seriously, confident because he could simply hold her to him and not shy away from her gaze. “You ask how people are, often, and you genuinely want to know. You remember everyone’s parents' names and you stuff food in your bag for me when I’m in detention, even though you think I’m an idiot for getting caught. You spend hours helping everyone with homework, and you’d defend us all with your last breath.” 

_ And it makes me crazy about you,  _ he added silently.

Lily was so touched she was just glad her face was buried in his chest. 

“You’re a better friend,” Lily told him, and squeezed him tighter. 

James chuckled, “You’re not going to beat me on this one, Evans.”

“I can win any argument with you,” She insisted, but then a yawn escaped her. “But maybe tomorrow. I think my night is done.”

“You’re quite the adorable mess,” James said as he guided Lily to the girls dormitory staircase, where it was just secluded enough from prying eyes. 

He encouraged her onto the first step, but his arm didn’t loosen from her waist, his jersey that she wore bunched lightly in his fist. Lily placed a hand over it, brushing his knuckles. 

“This is on loan, Potter, hands off.” 

“Fine by me. Take all my clothes, if you want. As I suspected, they look better on you.”

A small smile crept onto Lily’s lips as she focussed on the sharpness of his collarbone beneath his collar. “Then what will you wear?” 

When he laughed, low and throaty, his peppermint breath washed over her, “Whatever you ask me to.” 

Lily’s eyes flicked up, and she laughed. 

“Hey, we shouldn’t flirt,” she said. “It’s not what friends do.”  _ It’s too tempting.  _

“Don’t flirt with  _ me,  _ then.”

His grin only widened, and from her vantage point on a step, Lily pressed her forehead to James’ like he had earlier, taking in a giddy, intoxicating breath. She could  _ feel  _ his lungs stop, his heart hammering. He pulled her body to his using the arm around her waist. “I like it when you hold me.” 

“Good,” He said quietly. “Because I like you close.” 

Lily’s eyes fluttered close, exhaling a shaky breath. James didn’t say anything else, he was waiting for her as he always did. He just kept a strong grip on her, and breathed her in. She knew he was, because she was doing the same to him. How had she managed to ignore the fact that he was so incredibly important for so long? 

Her throat stuck, Lily slid her cheek past his and encircled her arms around his neck, burying her head in his shoulder. James matched her grip tenfold, and she was crushed against him. Lily leaned into him, going onto the tips of her toes, as though she could immerse herself into him. The boy who slotted into her life like it was nothing, all she’d had to do was let him. “Thanks for giving me a chance, James,” She whispered into his neck. 

A choked, disbelieving laugh, “That’s the wrong way round.” 

She shook her head minutely, “I know what I’m saying.”

* * *

_ Sunday 31st October 1976 _

**1:46 a.m.**

Lily’s eyes shot open. Her mouth was dry and she was fully clothed (still in James’ shirt, it was going to need bleaching at this point). In all fairness, it was a physical match of how chaotic she felt on the inside. 

She would have floundered into a shame spiral if it wasn’t for the crying. 

Groggily, Lily sat up, squinting at her friend’s beds in the pitch black. Alice’s hangings were open, her bed untouched. Mary’s were firmly closed, the kitten heels she adored had clearly been kicked off before crawling into bed. Lily zoned in on Marlene’s bed. The scarlet hangings were slightly open, and the sliver of moonlight shone on an empty duvet. Lily’s gaze trailed to the small window beside her bed to see Marlene in her pyjamas, legs pulled up against her chest with her head resting on her knees. Crying. 

Lily’s heart seized. Marlene had cried exactly three times in the five and a bit years they’d known each other. She wasn’t cold, she’d just grown up with three older brothers and an abrasive attitude towards life. 

As quietly as she could, Lily crept out of bed and eased herself opposite Marlene. Her friend didn’t raise her head, but she mumbled. 

“I know you’re there, Lily.” 

Lily nodded, even though she couldn’t see. “I am. So talk to me.” 

Marlene looked up, red rimmed eyes slightly widening. She put a finger to her lips, and her eyes drifted toward Mary’s four poster. 

Lily mimicked the gesture to show she’d be quiet. “What has Mary done?” She whispered. 

It was the wrong thing to say, and fresh tears leaked from Marlene’s eyes that she blinked away. She let her head thud back against the wall. 

“She hasn’t done anything.” Marlene sounded tired, and like she’d repeated that very phrase a million times. She sniffed, and Lily realised she wasn’t getting anything else from her like this. But it felt… important. It felt incredibly vital that Lily did not let this slide one more time. 

“Hey,” she whispered. “Come with me.” 

* * *

**2:14 a.m.**

It was by chance. 

The group of Slytherins stayed up into the small hours of the morning frequently, as it was the only time they could perfect a kind of magic that was… frowned upon in lessons. The entire castle was deadly silent as was expected until it wasn’t. Until two sets of footsteps snuck through the corridors, whispering together. The group had no idea what the pair of Gryffindors were doing that morning, only that opportunity knocked when it was least expected. 

A blood traitor and a mudblood fell into their paths just like they’d discussed, and they hadn’t even planned it. Wasn’t this further proof that they were on the right path? That the universe was helping them along? To be greater, for their magic to be wielded with precision and consequence. 

McKinnon, to show that nobody was safe. 

Evans, because that was the way of the world. The new world. 

  
  


  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I’m a mega tease.  
> Also, just realised it is officially Halloween in the fic and I need a few moments to cry.  
> Say hello in the comments or come and scream on my tumblr - deadlysansa  
> Stay safe please x


	11. James and a Gentleman’s Gamble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are put into perspective for everyone after Lily and Marlene’s attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI BESTIES.  
> Thank you for the sheer PATIENCE with this update, like wow. The words of encouragement have meant so much. This chapter has had so many rewrites because I wasn’t happy with a lot of it and I am not updating just to post something when I know it isn’t the story that needs telling - and I want to get the pacing right so bad!
> 
> Massive thanks to the gorgeous reviewers, vasymollo, Chaserspirit, francienolan03, BrazilianWriter, writtenbyfreckles, nineandthreequarters, Nina, LottieBillions, something_um_idrk, MrGG, Ingrid, inksandbookpages, Rachel, chatsbae, clarewithnoi, jilytho, JamesPotterismybby, fawnbytheriver, Lizzie, possessedmarshmallow, Marina, maraudersoccermom, Nobothersgiventoday, Vangoghflowers, makjeon, Lizzie20 and DarlingILoveYou. I read them all. Multiple times. 
> 
> I also wrote a bonus scene for hitting 5K which is on my series, but since then I hit 6k so I’m !!!!!! Any other bonus scene ideas I’d be happy write if you give me ideas. 
> 
> All the love. Please stay safe and well. Come chat to me on tumblr, you can see my updates, breakdowns and lil side notes - deadlysansa
> 
> ENJOY

The banging awoke James at eight thirty in the morning. He rolled onto his back, groaning in protest. He and the boys had stayed up until around two o’clock, and so it felt cruel that he was being robbed of his lie in.

“This better be good,” Sirius mumbled into his pillow.

James blinked, and realised that the banging was in fact two people rapping on the door frantically. He sat up, catching Remus’ eye, his friend already out of bed.

“Guys! Are you awake?” 

James was scrambling out of bed at the tremor in Alice’s voice. Remus flung open the door to reveal Alice and Mary in their dressing gowns, visibly upset and shaken.

James’ heart sunk into the pits of his stomach as his eyes roamed the dim corridor beyond them. No Lily. No Marlene.

“Where are they?”

Mary’s eyes were rimmed red, and her lip wobbled when she spoke. “The Hospital Wing.”

Sirius swore and Peter swore, whilst James made to leg it out the door but Remus grabbed his elbow. Their eyes met, James’ already wild with desperation, Remus’ grim but as always, calm. 

“Get your jacket and shoes, Prongs. If they’re in the Hospital Wing they’re being looked after,” He said gently.

James wordlessly turned and grabbed whatever jacket he first laid eyes on, the other three doing the same whilst Alice spoke to them in a hushed tone. James’ brain only reverbrated with one fact: they were fucking hurt. How long had they been gone?  _ Why _ were they up? Could he have done something? He was asleep - his dreams wrapped up in Lily whilst she was… 

“I woke up first and noticed straightaway that they weren’t in their beds. The sheets were cold, so they hadn’t been for some time, but then, I saw them arguing last night – I thought that they’d be chatting in the Common Room! So I went downstairs to sit with them but they weren’t there at all,” Alice sniffed. “When I came back to the dormitory… I realised that Lily had left her wand.”

Lily, in the Hospital Wing, and she hadn’t even had a wand. James pulled on his second shoe and set off down the spiralling stairs two at a time. 

“James, they won’t let us in,” Mary called after him miserably.

“I don’t care.”

Sirius nodded in determination, “We’re with you, mate.”

The six of them walked at a fast pace down staircases and along corridors. Remus kept talking, no doubt trying to distract them from whatever had happened whilst James had just been sound asleep.

“What made you go straight to the Hospital Wing?”

Alice looked uneasy, and she rubbed her arm. “A horrible feeling. I saw some of them at the Slytherin table looking at Lily at lunchtime yesterday.” James’ face darkened, Snape’s miserable face illuminated in his mind. “We were all in such a good mood I didn’t say anything but I…”

Sirius tucked Alice into his side comfortingly as they walked. “ _ Not  _ your fault, Al. Some people are just shitty right to the core.”

He sounded bitter, and James knew he was wondering if Regulus was involved. Hoping that he wasn't.

“It doesn’t answer why they were out of bed,” Mary said. 

Nobody responded to her as they had all stopped in their tracks. Professor McGonagall was at the bottom of the staircase, her hands folded and face grave.

“Professor,” James said. He didn’t really know what to ask. He was scared to say what he wanted to.

“I know where you all are going, and I cannot permit it,” she told the group.

“Why not?” Mary nearly whispered.

Professor McGonagall’s steady gaze and tone was calming. “Madam Pomfrey has established that Miss Evans and Miss McKinnon are not in any immediate danger, I can assure you of that. However they are both yet to wake up. They will not benefit from you all being there.”

“But they  _ were  _ attacked?” Alice asked, fidgeting with the ends of her hair.

Professor McGonagall’s chest rose as she inhaled. She did not want to say it. “We believe so.”

Alice gasped, and Sirius swore. James was silent, but fury roared through him.

“This is a dark stain after such a wonderful day of celebration,” Professor McGonagall continued, nodding to James. “It is a mystery to me, of course, that they were out of the Common Room so late at night.” She watched their blank, shrugging faces for a shrewd moment, before her expression softened imperceptibly and she said in despair, “My students should be worried they’ll get detention for roaming the corridors at night, not that they’ll be attacked.”

“I bet we can guess who,” Sirius said darkly.

McGonagall’s lips thinned. “I will want to speak with all of you separately, but not now. Return to the Common Room, do not take any detours,” her eyes flashed at the four Marauders. “This matter will be taken very seriously.”

With a severe look, she swept off in the other direction. James had every intent to sneak after her, but a hand fell on his shoulder. Sirius. 

“Maybe it’s better if we chilled out first,” He said gingerly. By ‘we’ he clearly meant ‘you’, but James heaved an exhale and nodded. When Sirius offered advice for him to calm down, it meant he  _ really  _ needed to calm down. 

“They won’t be able to prove it,” Mary said angrily, turning on her heel. “They won’t, and whoever hurt Marlene and Lily will be able to walk these halls just as easily as Mulciber!”

They all cringed at the memory of Mary’s attack last year. Was that what had happened to Lily and Marlene? Alice wrapped her arm around Mary. 

“It’s true,” Sirius said glumly, scuffing his already worn shoes as he walked. “The proof of that being that none of my family currently reside in Azkaban yet.”

“Your mother is all talk, Padfoot. In reality she barely leaves the house,” said Remus.

“Not dear old Mum,” Sirius agreed bitterly. “My cousins… Bella, Narcissa… They’ve been whispering in Regulus’ ear.”

“I heard about Rodolphus and Bellatrix getting engaged,” Alice shuddered. “That can’t mean anything good.”

They all looked quite ill at the prospect of the union. Peter frowned, “Isn’t his brother in Fifth Year?”

“Rabastan,” confirmed James. “Quieter than Rodolphus but I have no doubt they’re of the same mind.”

They walked a few moments in silence. James’ mind ticked with Lily and Marlene’s names like a chant, his oldest friend and his - how was it he’d held Lily so close less than twelve hours ago?

“They would’ve fought tooth and nail,” Peter said to no one in particular, comforting himself. 

Alice turned her big, doleful eyes on him. “Yes, they would have. But McGonagall hasn’t mentioned anything about anyone else being in the Hospital Wing.” 

They all understood Alice perfectly; it was no fair fight that had taken place. 

There was barely anyone in the Common Room except for the few stragglers passing through for breakfast, but that was usual for a Sunday. The two girls and the Marauders settled themselves around the fireplace to wait and worry together. 

Whilst the others began to chat, James’ knee began bouncing with anxiety and frustration. He’d never been good at sitting still or being patient, and the knowledge that Lily and Marlene hadn’t even awoken, that there were a bunch of Slytherins maybe sleeping soundly right at that moment – it drove him mad.

“Prongs,” said Sirius in a low, questioning tone.

James glanced up; running a hand through is hair. “I’m fine,” He said shortly. Anything more than that and he’d overflow.

Alice and Mary continued their quiet conversation, but their eyes darted to him every few moments. He knew why. James was not often irritable; he was buoyant, and cheeky and outspoken. If he wanted something to happen, he could usually get up, get out and make it happen. He didn’t cope well with sitting around and doing nothing.

“Alice?” It was Frank, still buttoning a shirt sleepily as he came down the staircase. “What are you all doing up?”

Alice’s face was overwhelmed with tired relief when she saw her boyfriend, and she ran over to wrap her arms around his middle, pressing her cheek to his chest. Frank looked over at her friends in alarm as his arms came around her securely.

“It’s Lily and Marlene,” Remus told him solemnly. “They were attacked in the corridors early this morning.”

Frank’s face fell in shock, “Merlin’s beard,” He uttered, and squeezed Alice, kissing the top of her head. He looked regretful as his Head Boy responsibility kicked in, “I need to go to Professor McGonagall straight away. I’ll find out all I can,” He assured Alice.

James lifted his head and met Frank’s eyes, “You should tell them they were outnumbered. Lily didn’t have her wand,” he said desperately. 

Frank took in James’ face, completely serious and stoic, so unlike him. “Of course, mate.”

James nodded, but he looked away from him and Alice, their closeness a painful reminder that he’d been that close to Lily last night, blissfully unaware that she’d be targeted and hurt merely hours later. The memory of her warm breath and soft smile in the lamplight as she stood in his arms made his chest twist in pain; she was so perfect and content in a way that angered the pureblood obsessed bastards, like she was audacious for being happy.

Frank returned after collecting his badge and wand from his room and departed with a sad smile. They all watched the portrait hole in a lapse of silence after that, like they were all secretly waiting for Lily and Marlene to stroll in, arms linked and cackling over something ridiculous.

But they didn’t. 

So they waited. 

* * *

At midday, Frank returned 

The entire group stood, bated breaths held. “What happened?” Whispered Alice. 

“We’re not exactly sure,” Frank admitted. He looked weary as he sat on the sofa and leaned into his girlfriend. “They were found near the Great Hall just after two o’clock this morning. Marlene was unconscious,” His eyes darted to Mary who clapped a hand to her mouth in fright. “Lily was in bad shape from some kind of body binding curse, but she was apparently doing her damned best to support Marlene to the Hospital Wing.”

James let out a sharp breath. Remus squeezed his shoulder, “Sounds like Lily.” 

Frank returned a small smile. “Yeah. I won’t lie though, Pomfrey said she was pretty distressed and lost consciousness soon after.” He swallowed. “But it sounds like their attackers got spooked when Marlene hit her head like she did.” 

“They still left her on the floor,” Sirius growled. 

“Yeah,” Frank said bitterly. “But the girls looked after each other. That’s what we all need to hold onto,” He continued with determination. They all heard the end of his sentence:  _ next time.  _

Over an hour later, there was still no news. Alice and Mary had pulled out homework that they were completely ignoring. The other Marauders politely pretended that they didn’t notice James unfolding the map to check on Lily’s unmoving dot in the Hospital Wing every ten minutes, because it was fairly harmless. Their real trouble began when he found a dot that  _ was _ moving, and he stood abruptly. He was through the portrait hole before they could really react.

“Hey, James!” Alice called after him in confusion. 

“Where’s he going?” Mary demanded. 

Sirius swiped the map from where James had abandoned it on the armchair without even sealing it. His eyes widened and he shoved it at Remus’ chest before leaping to his feet. 

“He’s probably gone for a fly to clear his head,” Sirius lied smoothly. 

Remus was folding the map hastily, and stuffed it in his pocket, “Sounds like a marvellous idea. Peter?” 

Peter gulped and followed Remus and Sirius out of the Common Room at a near sprint. 

Alice and Mary stared as the portrait hole swung shut. 

“There’s no way they thought that was actually convincing,” Alice said despairingly. 

Mary slumped back on the sofa, “What do you think they’re doing?” 

Alice turned to her red-eyed friend with a sigh, “Nothing sensible.” 

James heard the jogging footsteps behind him but didn’t slow, his anger fuelling his momentum. 

“Where are you going, Prongs?” Remus fell into step with him. 

“Nowhere,” James stuffed his hands into his pockets as they descended the staircase. 

“This seems dumb,” Sirius caught up next. 

“You love doing dumb stuff,” was all James said.

Sirius shrugged at Remus, “Shit, he’s got me there.”

Remus flashed him a disapproving glare. 

“Wait! Wait!” Peter was breathing heavily as she fell into line. 

“I don’t think retaliating is going to help,” Remus told James urgently. 

Peter chimed in as they veered left, passing the bright windows. “McGonagall said they’re going to be okay.” 

James’ mouth pressed into a hard line. “Okay isn’t good enough - okay should be a  _ given.  _ This is a fucking school.”

They turned the corner into the courtyard, the wind brisk and chilly as James ran a hand through his hair. “My parents reckoned that this wouldn’t be happening here!” He’d asked them that summer about how many students were getting roped into dark magic but they’d told him that he shouldn’t worry, that it was well under control. Well, James wasn’t a fan of their idea of control, if it ended with Lily and Marlene attacked in the dark. 

He heard his mother’s voice now, and saw the knowing sad smile she’d worn after he’d asked. 

_ “You’re worried about Lily - the girl that the boys tease you about.”  _

_ He’d sighed and nodded in defeat.  _

_ “Ah, my devoted boy,” She continued affectionately. “You know, any girl who can go head to head with you everyday can look after herself. But it’s good to watch out for her, James. The world is going a little bit mad.”  _

James blinked against the memory. So much for that, he thought bitterly. He hadn’t even had an inkling, and now he was pacing around like an idiot instead of being  _ with  _ her. 

Well, no actually,  _ now _ he was grabbing Snape by the collar as they nearly collided in the corridor. 

“Oh, Merlin,” muttered Remus. With a resigned sigh, he pulled out his wand, and Sirius and Peter followed suit. 

“What the fuck are you doing, Potter?” Snape spat, his face red with shock as James used one hand scrunched up in his collar to pull him closer. 

As soon as James had spied him on the map, he knew he would have to find him. His anger felt palpable, like it could become flames and engulf the pathetic boy before him. He was worse than all of the others combined, because Lily had trusted him. 

“Were you there? Huh? Could you do that to the only person who gave a real shit about you?” James demanded furiously. 

Snape’s dark eyes were brimming with confusion, but his face stilled as he realised who they were talking. James almost laughed that it had taken him so long when they had nothing else in common but Lily. 

“Could I do  _ what?  _ If Lily wants to parade around in your filthy hand-me-downs then she never gave a shit any-” Snape was cut off very effectively by James slamming him back into the wall. 

“Easy,” Remus breathed, but held his wand aloft. 

James could barely process Remus’ words with the noise roaring in his ears, but he loosened his grip by a small fraction. His voice was low and cold, “Don’t say her name, you bastard. Better yet, don’t even  _ think  _ about her. Merlin, you could hardly wait to start your new career as a psychopath, could you? Is that how you repay someone as good as her?” 

Snape paled, “I haven’t touched her.” 

“She’s in the Hospital Wing, you twat,” Sirius scoffed in disgust. 

He gulped then, and had the nerve to look worried for a fleeting second. “That wasn’t me.” 

James let out a controlled exhale, “Maybe you weren’t  _ there.  _ But you’re a part of it. You  _ threatened _ her right in front of me.”

Almost two months ago, after Frank and Alice’s first date when Lily and James were barely friends. The words spiked in the air between them, a shared memory. 

_ Night time walks aren’t safe. _

Snape faltered for a gap in time, but almost instantly his face became twisted with a sneer. “You’re the one who let her get attacked, Potter. For all of your bravado, she’s hurt, and perhaps she’ll see why she’s safer with me.” 

James actually felt bile rise in his throat at Snape’s awful, vindictive and possessive words. He even heard Remus’ swear accompany Sirius’ disgusted snarl. 

“You sad prick,” James’ laugh was dark and hollow. “You make her feel unsafe and unnerved.  _ You  _ threw away your friendship, not me.” 

James let him go, but just as Snape moved to get away, James pressed his wand against his neck, a sheen of sweat revealing his nerves. 

“Next time, I won’t bother talking,” He warned. 

Snape all but scurried away, his face red and furious. James watched him go, breathing heavily through his nose. 

“God, he’s a slimy bastard,” Sirius said angrily in the silence. 

At once, James’ shoulders sagged and he ran hand through his hair, the fight seeping out of him. He turned to his mates, anguish written all over his face. 

Remus sighed sadly, “Did that make you feel better?” 

He was so damn reasonable, even now, when James knew he was just as furious as him. 

“No,” James shook his head, and when he looked back up, his eyes were lined with silver.

“Prongs…”

“I don’t know if I can do this anymore! She nearly  _ kissed _ me and now she’s in the Hospital Wing, and my head’s a fucking mess,” He burst out. Remus, Sirius and Peter all portrayed various states of surprise at James’ admission. He shrugged, “Am I meant to pretend like I wasn’t scared shitless when she wakes up?” 

“Fuck no,” Sirius stepped forward and clasped his shoulder. “You wanted to step back to give Lily time, and space, and a new perspective. It was a _ good  _ idea, to my eternal surprise.”

Remus nodded, “You just need to be calm for her. When she wakes up, she’ll need her  _ friend  _ James that she’s come to rely on so much.” He paused, “Because I’ve seen the two of you, Prongs. I think she relaxes around you.”

Sirius pressed his lips together, “I’m not even going to make a joke about that.” 

James finally let something that resembled a huffed laugh, and he clapped the hand on his shoulder gratefully, “Good call, Padfoot.”

It was silent for a moment, as the four boys processed the last few whirlwind minutes. James’ chest was still screwed up like parchment between a tight fist, and he realised it would be until he saw Lily for himself. But the rage he’d wanted to unleash on Snape was dissipating. Not because the slippery git wasn’t foul and dangerous to Lily, but because when he’d had Snape in his grip, he was reminded of how badly she’d been treated by him. And he didn’t want to  _ be  _ there, giving Snape the satisfaction. He wanted to be with her. 

“So, she nearly kissed you?” Peter punctured the air, his face brimming with questions. 

James exhaled sharply, and a smile that could be described as nothing other than smitten pulled at his lips. Sirius grinned and shoved him. 

“Of course, I would never kiss and tell,” his eyes met the other boys and they began laughing. 

“I’m  _ scared  _ for if she ever does kiss you, I suspect you’ll end up in the kiss and tell hall of fame,” Sirius shuddered, as they began trailing to the Common Room. 

James scoffed, “Says you! I’m going to get you a bloody diary so you’ll stop telling us every grim detail.” 

“I’m teaching Wormtail,” Sirius argued. 

Remus smirked, “That sounds private.” 

James snorted at that, but with his anger burned to an ember in his stomach, he was left with nothing but thoughts of Lily’s emerald eyes and the featherlight feel of her mouth giving him more hope than he ever thought he’d have a right to. All these lines they were crossing… they just plunged James into deeper and deeper shit. 

_ Please just wake up.  _

* * *

Daylight stung Lily’s eyes. Sunshine streamed through the tall, expansive windows.

She squinted. Their dorm didn’t have those. And where was the canopy of her four-poster? 

Groggily, Lily pushed herself up onto her elbows, and her arm jolted with white hot pain. She saw stars as her head rejected the sudden movement and grimacing, forcing her eyes open.

The sterile white décor of the Hospital Wing stared back at her.

Lily’s memory galloped to catch up, bile rising to the back of her throat.

The dark, torch lit corridor where she and Marlene had rushed arm in arm to the kitchens, tentatively laughing, everything already forgiven.

_ Marlene. _

Lily’s gaze flitted around in panic until it landed on her best friend in the bed next to hers, unconscious and perfectly serene with her golden hair fanning out on the pillows.

— except for the almighty vicious bruise taking over her left eye. A deep gash on her brow bone gave way into the purple, yellow and green stain on the skin. The swelling was all but gone, but an image flashed in Lily’s mind – a memory.

A single, efficient spell was thrown through the air, hitting Marlene like she’d collided with an invisible wall of force so great that she was jerked back and smacked her face on the lone bench in the corridor. Tears warmed Lily’s eyes as she remembered the dull smack that rendered Marlene like a ragdoll. Her wand had rolled out of her limp hand, bumping into Lily’s shoes. She had snatched it up, firing spells at the retreating figures in the dark.

Panicked, racing footsteps. Lily’s shaking hands shimmying between Marlene’s body and the cold stone floor to heave her up. Her own head swimming.

Cowards. Rutting, foul cowards. They had been attacked silently, from behind, in the dead of the night. She took a shuddering inhale of air in the echoing silence of the contrastingly bright infirmary. Lily hadn’t seen their faces in the dim light, but she would be willing to pick from a certain group of people. Her head fell back onto the pillows, counting her breaths as they jaggedly came in and out. 

They were safe, she told herself. They were in warm beds. 

Lily forced herself to swallow, the realisation that she was panicking making her throat stick and her palms slick. What had happened before that? Before the attack? She was laughing… she needed to concentrate on something else. Anything to force out the horrible feeling of violation coating her tongue like a bad taste. Lily squeezed her eyes shut.

The Quidditch party. She’d been a little - okay  _ very  _ \- drunk. She’d fought with Marlene, and she’d wrapped herself in James like he was the antidote… How many drinks had she  _ had _ ? 

Oh, Merlin, she’d been so unbelievably inappropriate with James. He probably thought she was a right mess. But then her stomach squirmed in thrilled embarrassment and pleasure as she recalled their closeness in the broom cupboard, how he’d kissed her cheeks and very nearly done a whole lot more. 

Lily brought a hand down against her heart, smoothing over the soft material of a standard pyjama shirt. Her eyes searched for James’ Quidditch shirt as though she’d find it slung on the end of the bed. She sort of missed the smell of it. 

She belatedly realised that her hyperventilating had stopped. 

“Miss Evans, you’re awake! That’s splendid,” Madam Pomfrey appeared from her office at the end of the wing, smiling genuinely. 

Lily started, remembering where she was. She marvelled at how much of an excellent distraction James Potter was.  _ Noted,  _ her treacherous brain added, remembering how warm and gentle his hands were cupped around her jaw. 

Madam Pomfrey’s eyes narrowed when she got closer. “Have you made any sudden movements?”

Lily plastered a smile on her face, and slowly put a hand on her heart, “I would never.”

Madam Pomfrey put her hand against Lily’s forehead with a knowing look, “Well enough to be cheeky, I see. That’s good.”

“And Marlene?” She asked eagerly.

Madam Pomfrey glanced over at her sleeping form, “She’ll be fine.”

Lily exhaled in relief. “Why isn’t she awake?”

“That’s mostly my doing. It’s better if she sleeps whilst the potion works. Her face was a real sight when you came in and I am surprised she didn’t fracture her skull!”

Lily nodded, suppressing a shiver. Marlene’s beautiful face marred by a swollen shut eye and some dried blood still on her cheek. 

“It wasn’t her fault, though, was it?” She said miserably. 

Madam Pomfrey stilled, and she patted Lily’s knee. “I know, dear.” She sniffed, clearing her throat of the horror that students would do this to one another. “ _ Do not  _ lean on that arm. It has barely healed.”

“It was broken?” Lily pulled a face at her painful elbow. 

She nodded. “Don’t ask me how. I can only assume a spell, as you suffered no sudden impact like your friend.” 

Lily winced as she glanced over at Marlene, still sleeping soundly. 

“Our friends will be worried about us,” she said. She could only imagine Alice coping with a frantic Mary. 

“They’ve been told that you’re in no danger. But we’re not risking any visitors until everything… until we’re better informed.” Lily frowned at Madam Pomfrey’s uncertainty. They wouldn’t even let their  _ friends  _ in? “I’m just grateful they haven’t broken down the door!”

Lily sat up, “They were here?”

She tutted, “That’s putting it lightly. Those boys think that getting so many injuries per term has earned them a free entry pass to my Hospital Wing!”

Lily smiled coyly, thinking of the four Marauders harassing strict Pomfrey. She loved that they were classed as her friends.  _ All  _ of them. 

Madam Pomfrey was still talking, “...when the Headmaster and your Head of House come to see you.”

Lily’s eyes bugged open. “Professor Dumbledore? Why would he come and see  _ me?” _

“Miss Evans, Miss McKinnon and yourself were attacked in this castle, which is supposed to be a safe haven for you all. He is taking this extremely seriously,” Madam Pomfrey shook her head despairingly. 

Lily chewed her cheek uneasily. She knew it was serious, but she hated a big deal made over her. Even if it was about Marlene, too. Mary, who  _ loved  _ big deals all about her, had made the astute observation that Lily hated it because it was essentially what turned Petunia against her, the fuss her parents made. Lily had laughed and called her ‘Doctor Macdonald’. Mostly because it rang painfully true. 

“I would really like to talk to Marlene before I talk to anyone else,” Lily said honestly, shoulders sagging. 

Madam Pomfrey gave a singular nod of understanding, “It won’t be long.”

Happy that Lily wasn’t going to start foaming at the mouth anytime soon, she turned on her heel and began to walk back to her office. 

“Madam Pomfrey?” Lily called suddenly, already feeling the blush creeping up her neck. “Where’s the jersey I was wearing? It’s just… it’s not mine.”

Madam Pomfrey actually wrinkled her nose, “In the laundry. I was worried you jumped into a cauldron of firewhiskey with the amount spilled on it.”

“Oh.” Lily pressed her lips together guiltily, smiling at her lap as Madam Pomfrey shut the door. 

* * *

“Marlene, oh thank Merlin!”

Marlene’s head felt stuffy as she squeezed her eyes open and turned her head to see Lily in the bed next to her. 

“Lily…” Marlene blinked several times. It felt like someone had been bouncing bricks off of her head.

Madam Pomfrey shouldered her way into view, eye round with sincere relief.

“Good afternoon, Miss McKinnon!” She held a spoon swirling with a deep blue liquid to her lips. “Drink up!”

Marlene gagged audibly as it hit her throat. “I don’t deserve to be poisoned,” she croaked. 

Lily’s huff of laughter was small but audible, and Marlene was glad to hear it. The lingering stab of fear for her friend when she’d realised what was happening still swam through her veins. In those first seconds, she’d blocked Lily, expecting the attack to hit her because those sycophants were so predictable - until they weren’t. Shock had coursed through Marlene when their spells hit her instead. Her world had fallen to darkness soon after. 

Madam Pomfrey seemed to sense her mood shift, because she offered Marlene and Lily both breakfast from the Great Hall. 

“With pumpkin pasties, of course,” She said, although her clipped tone told them she disapproved of the sugar intake. “It is Halloween after all.” 

She stalked off with her smart shoes squeaking along the clean floor, satisfied with Marlene’s wellbeing.

Marlene rolled her head toward Lily, “Happy Halloween, indeed. I think we're appropriately scared.” Her tone was dry, but her throat stuck on the last word, betraying her. 

Lily gingerly pushed back her covers and swung her legs out of the bed. “You’re okay, Mar.”

“Are you?” Marlene asked, eyes tracing over Lily for any signs of harm. “You didn’t have a  _ wand _ .”

Lily smiled with a hint of sadness around the eyes. “Luckily you’re a total badass. Thanks to you, I’m going to be fine.”

Marlene pressed her lips together as a tear spilled over. It maneuvered a switch in Lily, and her eyes became damp like they’d just been waiting for the chance. 

“I am so, so sorry, Mar,” Lily blurted. 

“What?” Marlene blinked, incredulous. “No,  _ I’m  _ sorry!”

Lily shook her head, “I was so pushy, and I was drunk-”

“I was completely pissed and totally out of order. You were pushy because you care, and I know that. How you feel about James is your business! I just… I made it about you because I didn’t want to talk about me.”

Lily nodded, clasping Marlene’s hands. “I won’t force you to again. We can sit in silence forever instead, and I’ll be fine with that. We can learn sign language! It should be taught in schools anyway.”

There was a long pause, and Marlene looked at Lily like a deer trapped in bright lights. Her brain was working at a mile a minute, and truthfully she wanted to speak more than ever, before the adrenaline wore off and she realised what the hell she was doing. 

Marlene placed her hand on top of Lily’s and squeezed, staring at their joined hands. “Last night we were outnumbered with one wand between us, it could have gone so much worse than it did. And all I could think was that I had an opportunity to tell you something and I didn’t take it.”

Lily had held her breath without realising, like making too much noise by exhaling would scare her off.

Marlene blinked rapidly before meeting Lily’s concerned gaze. “I  _ do  _ want to tell you, Lily, because the world is going crazy. Actually, anything could happen to us and I don’t want to… I want someone to know who I am.”

The cold truth seemed so much clearer than yesterday. Yes, they were all just students, but clearly the Slytherins so enraptured with the dark arts were learning things, things that could propel her through the damn air. Marlene had no idea how far they’d go. The throbbing welt over her eye simply told her:  _ You were lucky.  _

Telling Lily wasn’t telling the world, but it was something real and Marlene was so tired of living on nothing at all. 

Worry coloured Lily’s green eyes, the way she chewed her cheek indicating her trepidation. “Okay,” was all Lily said, to keep her composure. She had to be the collected one, in case Marlene couldn’t be.

“Okay,” Marlene repeated, psyching herself up. She frowned at Lily’s legs. “Don’t perch on the edge of the bed like that, it's making me nervous.”

Lily made a noise of distress and swung her legs up onto the bed so that she was directly facing her, “Now you’re making  _ me _ nervous!”

With determination, Marlene pushed herself up onto her elbows, and forced herself to meet Lily’s gaze. Lovely Lily wouldn’t turn away. She was the girl who looked for the good in everyone, who had held onto the hope that Snape would turn out better than the rest of them for five long years, far longer than he deserved.

Marlene swallowed, “Lily, I don’t like boys,” Her voice came out weaker than she would have liked, barely above a whisper. But she was doing it - she was actually bloody  _ doing it _ \- and Lily only waited. “I like  _ girls  _ how I’m supposed to like boys.”

Lily was silent for all of one heartbeat before she broke into a relieved, watery smile, “You’re not  _ supposed  _ to feel anything you don’t. Not our Marlene,” She said firmly. “I am  _ so  _ proud of you. Thank you for trusting me.”

Marlene’s breath hitched, and she could feel her tears well behind her eyes. “You’re not – you’re okay?”

Lily’s face softened and she surged forward to hug her shoulders as best she could in the hospital bed. “I love you, Mar! I am more than okay. As long as you’re good, I’m good. That’s how this works.”

Tears spilled onto Marlene’s cheeks as she clutched Lily as tightly as she could, screw her injuries. She hadn’t realised something she’d worried about was her girls getting funny about affection as though she fancied every woman with a pulse.

“Love you, Red,” she sniffed. “I’m sorry for being such a cow lately.”

Lily pulled back and wiped a tear haphazardly, “I’m only sorry that you felt that you had to hide yourself from me. I support you one hundred percent, and I will reap horror upon anybody who doesn’t.”

“I believe it,” Marlene told her. “If my banged up brain recalls correctly, you defended yourself with a pewter tray last night.”

Lily pulled a face, “Also a small frame. I have an apology to make to the painting of witches of Burley village who were quite thrown about.”

Marlene burst out laughing, mostly because she felt that nasty pinching guilt evaporate with every chuckle, every exhale, and it felt good to pretend like the attack was just something funny that had happened. 

Lily’s laugh trailed off, and she fixed Marlene with an honest gaze. “And Lucy Diggory? She’s more than a friend, right?” Marlene simply  _ didn’t  _ blush, but her cheeks bloomed with pink at the mention of the pretty Ravenclaw. “You had a crush and didn’t  _ tell me!  _ I’m sorry you went through that alone. That’s the fun part.” 

“She is - well, was… she got kind of mad last night. She probably doesn’t want to speak to me again.” 

“Mad?” Lily cast her mind back to Lucy suddenly leaving the game of Spin the Bottle. Come to think of it, she hadn’t seen her after that. 

Marlene bit her lip, “Don’t make me spill  _ all  _ my secrets today, Lil,” her tone was teasing, but Lily didn’t push it, and her friend pushed her blonde hair out of her eyes with a loud exhale. “I still can’t believe I just said that out loud,” 

Lily smiled, eyes bright with the remnants of tears. “Was that the first time?”

Almost shyly, Marlene nodded.

“I’m going to cherish this moment forever,” Lily promised her, linking their hands together to solidify it.

Marlene snorted, “Don’t say cherish like we’re having a baby together.” But she was pleased all the same.

“Too late. I’m cherishing it so hard.”

Lily giggled, piling onto the ridiculousness, both of them desperate to feel normal and light. 

“Fine,” Marlene’s lips twisted. She held up her finger suddenly, “I’m not about to start screaming that I’m a lesbian from the top of the astronomy tower, by the way. Keep it under wraps.”

“Of course,” Lily nodded seriously before she nudged her. “You should say it once more, though. For your soul.”

“That I’m a lesbian?” Marlene pretended to be confused, but she loved how much freer she felt when it rolled off her tongue. 

Lily’s eyes sparked with pride, smirk pulling at her mouth. “Sorry, I didn’t catch that. What did you say?” 

“I’m a  _ lesbian _ !” Marlene covered her mouth with her palm, laughter rippling out and Lily joined in, grinning from ear to ear. 

It was the biggest  _ fuck you _ to their attackers that they could give. 

* * *

At four, Madam Pomfrey finally caved. The two girls and four boys barrelled in with none of the grace and decorum that the matron had requested. They didn’t care, their only group interest to hug the living shit out of Lily and Marlene. 

“Mar, your lovely  _ face!”  _ Mary clapped a hand over her mouth when she saw the network of bruising over her eye. 

“So shallow, Mary,” The blonde retorted, kicking back the duvet. She smirked, but her usual callous tone was clipped by emotion, and it was all Mary needed to burst into tears as she half jumped on Marlene’s hospital bed to hug her. 

Lily was out of bed before the door had even swung closed (to a string of disapproving noises from Pomfrey), and accepted the tight squeeze from Alice gratefully. 

“Thank Merlin, thank Merlin,” she was muttering. 

Lily pulled back from Alice and brushed a hair out of her tear stained eye. “We’re okay.” 

Like her voice was a trigger, the scent of mint and woodsmoke assuaged her senses, and two strong arms slipped around her waist before Lily could even register what was going on. James lifted her two inches off the ground with the sheer momentum of his hug, and Lily didn’t blame her body for breathing a great sigh of relief to be bundled up in him. Her arms circled around his neck after a second - because what the hell, she’d been waiting for his touch since he’d let her go last night. 

James buried his nose in Lily’s hair, taking in the fact that she was physically unharmed and exhaling deeply in his ear - just as wrecked as he felt. Her grip tightened just a fraction, and they pressed their eyes shut together, both pretending like it was just the two of them. Sometimes, it may as well be. 

“You okay?” James breathed, because he wouldn’t believe it until he heard it from her.

Lily was going to just say yes, she really was. But his death grip on her made her so relieved that last night was real with him, even with all the bad. 

“I am now,” she mumbled into his shoulder.

“Put her  _ down _ , Prongs, it’s my turn for a smother!” Sirius demanded.

James released his grip reluctantly, pulling back to finally look into her eyes. He swallowed, but no words came. James Potter, speechless. Seeing Lily was akin to being hit on the head with a beater’s bat, and his heart pounded in response to her presence, like it wanted to push out of his rib cage and be with her instead. She looked almost windswept as she blinked back at him, with her red flushed cheeks that stood out even more against the extra tired pallor of her skin. A smile touched her lips briefly, before she accepted Sirius’ bear hug, and Remus’ brief but steady squeeze. She even laughed when Peter swayed her from side to side with giddiness.

Mary finally disentangled from Marlene to embrace Lily, “This is awful. I can’t believe it - who would want to spoil such a lovely day as yesterday?” 

Lily’s brow furrowed and she folded her arms automatically. Noting the defensive action, James gently pulled one of her hands free and she glanced up in surprise. He raised his eyebrows at her and didn’t let go, holding her one hand with two of his own against his chest like he’d confiscated it. He didn’t want her folding up into herself but it was also selfish - he couldn’t bear not to touch her. 

Sirius’ eyes followed the action with a knowing glint before he spoke on, “Come on, it’s pureblood mania bullshit. It’s always blood status with that lot.” 

“This is the thing, though,” Marlene said intently, “Lily and I have realised that they weren’t really going for her, but me.” She shuddered, and Mary slotted into her side with a worried gaze. “I know I’m a bloody brilliant chaser but I don’t think I’m quite  _ attack worthy  _ brilliant,” she joked, looping an arm around Mary’s shoulders gratefully. 

“That’s three of us who’ve been attacked now, and we’re all sat  _ right here. _ ” Mary jabbed her thumb at herself, Lily and Marlene. 

Marlene glanced at Lily over Mary’s head and pressed her lips together. “Don’t be nervous, Mare. You know we won’t let anybody hurt you.” 

“Don’t be silly, you can’t promise that with a literal black eye, and I won’t let you.”

“How about we all promise you?” James suggested. “Strength in numbers.” 

Mary's lips twisted into a smile. “ _ None  _ of you can make that promise,” she accused. 

“I can,” James argued, pretending to be highly affronted. He used a hand to gesture at his best mate, still gripping Lily’s with his other. “I will use Sirius as a human shield to protect you.”

They laughed as Sirius’ jaw dropped open to protest. 

Lily’s heart did a funny turn with something like pride when she watched James, stood beside her, comforting Mary with warm teasing in his eyes. His gaze flashed to hers for a sparked moment before returning to Mary, and air got trapped in Lily’s throat. It was strangely attractive to see him helping others. God, what was  _ wrong  _ with her? Her mind was still spinning from that hug. She  _ felt  _ the worrying he’d done over the past twelve hours in that embrace, yet now he seemed utterly calm.

She stared at their joined hands. They were just  _ holding hands  _ now. Lily prayed her palms weren’t sweaty as she stared their linked fingers in a strange wonder. Did he need to be linked like she did? Or was it more casual for him?

Despite her reception to his warm welcome, Lily felt a little nervous to be around James. It was, in retrospect, a damned miracle she’d stopped them from kissing. Sure, if the look in his eyes when he teased was anything to go by, it’d be pretty damn good, but what about after? Would James lose his interest in her like a knock off ring that looks expensive but turned green after you wore it? 

She’d suspected it already, but after last night she knew she would miss him terribly if he didn’t want to be around her anymore. 

“Does your head hurt, Marlene?” Asked Remus, gesturing to the nasty line on her brow marking where she’d sliced her head. 

She waved it off, “Nah. But I might get a killer headache later.”

“She reckons the scar will make her look threatening,” smirked Lily. 

“Even  _ more  _ threatening,” Peter said tentatively, and they all burst into surprised laughter. Looking rather pleased, Marlene saluted him in cheers. 

Madam Pomfrey stuck her head out of her office with a beady eye, “Back on the bed, Miss Evans! And watch the arm! You all have  _ two  _ minutes.”

Lily held her hands up guiltily, “I’m going, I’m going!” She rolled her eyes as Marlene launched into a dramatic retelling of how she got the shiner on her eye. She was good at moving on - or simply deflecting. 

James stared accusingly at her arm, but it wasn’t bent at any funny angles thankfully. 

“It’s fine,” Lily insisted. “Uh, James?”

“Mm?”

“I need my hand… to get back on the bed.” She felt like giggling. Pomfrey must have it wrong -  _ she  _ clearly had the head injury. 

James’ eyes dropped to their joined hands in thought. “Really?” 

Her pulse skipped. “You’re ridiculous.  _ Yes.  _ These cots are like eight miles off the floor.” 

He shook his head like she was being incredibly simple, “I have a better idea.” 

“What -  _ o _ kay!” 

James dropped her hand - only to somehow grab her by the hips and lift her onto the bed like she was nothing more than a sack of flour. 

His face didn’t change, light amusement and something else just beneath the surface. Her skin burned through the crappy flannel of the hospital pyjamas where his hands took their time sliding off her hips. She swallowed as she stared up at him, eyes probably as wide as saucers. 

_ Merlin’s fucking beard.  _

“You can’t just… you know!” Lily cleared her throat, noticing how their friends all immediately talked about something else, faces scrunched up in silent laughter. “I’m not a quaffle.” 

“I’m sorry,” James held up his guilty, sinful hands. 

“You’re not.”

His face came alive in a smile, but it was those eyes, curious and relieved and simmering that had her giving up and breaking into disbelieving laughter. She pulled her legs up and under the covers.

“I’m really fucking glad you’re all right,” James said suddenly, his voice making her still. 

_ We shouldn’t, though. I just got you as a friend.  _

Last night intruded on her thoughts through a small window as she stared back at him. Who else would nearly kiss her and then go on being a ridiculously wonderful friend anyway? Her heart swelled with gratefulness for him and she reached out to squeeze his wrist. As she wondered when he’d mention it again, and what she’d say. 

* * *

Lily gripped Marlene’s hand with her own. They’d been discharged just in time for the Halloween feast after a firm inspection from Madam Pomfrey  _ and  _ a onceover by Professor McGonagall.

“We just have to show that we don’t care, Lil,” Marlene had assured as they got changed behind a screen. “We can turn up tonight, virtually unscathed, and hopefully they’ll think fucking twice before doing it again.” She paused, her energy dwindling, “I know it’s hard. I’m scared, too.”

Lily had nodded. “No, you’re right. The longer we leave it, the worst it’ll get.” 

She’d never been more grateful for her friend’s bolshy attitude. It was getting her through the day. 

“Let’s show those bastards that we aren’t afraid of school  _ bullies _ ,” Marlene grinned now as they descended the final staircase, but Lily suspected she was nervous, too. They both knew that they were capable of far worse than pushing someone over in the playground.

They squeezed each other’s fingers and let go. The rumble of noise from the Great Hall told them that the feast had begun, and they skirted past the Fat Friar laughing merrily to himself. Nobody noticed them at first, so ensconced in the food and pumpkins scattered around the enchanted ceiling.

“There.”

Marlene pointed towards the far end of the hall, right near the teacher’s table.

“Of course they’d be sat the furthest possible away,” Lily commented drily, her nerves jangling as she made a conscious effort not to glance at the Slytherin table.

People began to glance up and elbow their friends as they walked past. Word had obviously spread that they’d been attacked; it made the two of them suddenly  _ very _ interesting. Lily cringed at the attention and avoided their eyes, terrified she’d meet the stony gaze of her old Slytherin friend. In contrast, Marlene wordlessly stared down every single person who dared to point at her with a flick of her golden waves.

“It’s them! Lily, Marlene!” A relieved voice piped up above the rest, and Alice was waving a frantic hand, relief evident on her delicate features. Mary leaned back so suddenly to catch a glimpse of them that she might have cricked her neck. A smile bloomed on her face, tension ebbing from her brow with every passing second.

The sight of her friends had an instant effect on Lily; she beamed, letting her gaze tunnel vision towards their group, and quickening her pace the last few strides. 

When they’d all sat down again, Mary insisted on squishing herself in between Marlene and Lily. Sirius and James received a very stern look from McGonagall for climbing over the table to sit opposite rather than going around it, but she didn’t tell them off. Her mouth was slightly less severe than usual as she nodded to Lily and Marlene. 

* * *

Lily’s dreams of keeping a low profile were considerably dashed an hour later when the feast was nothing but debris on wiped plates and Professor Dumbledore rose from his chair at the teacher’s table. She was still laughing at Remus’ joke when he held up a withered but strong hand. 

The hall fell silent. 

“It is my great sadness to end such an exquisite evening with what I am about to say to you all,” Dumbledore’s voice projected to the enchanted night sky. “But it is of utmost importance to note that whilst we all sit together and enjoy this Halloween, there is a shadow that lingers among us.”

Marlene glanced back to Lily with grave eyes. 

“In the early hours of this morning, two students were attacked and outnumbered. In these very halls, a selection of people decided to use magic against their own classmates. This incident is not isolated, and it will not be forgotten.”

Lily swallowed with difficulty, and her chest felt tight as several pairs of eyes swung in her direction. Her simple cut lip felt like a fire signal. 

Dumbledore took a moment to assess them all with his clear blue eyes. “It pains me to warn you all to be exceedingly vigilant late at night, but alas, until these students are caught, or come forward, I must warn you. And remember, there is bravery in the truth.” 

He dismissed them all good night, and Lily swivelled back to stare at the table.  _ Don’t look. Please, don’t look.  _

But her eyes betrayed her, and when they darted to the Slytherin table, she met Snape’s unreadable stare. It chilled her to the bone. 

Lily blinked, instantly focussing away and found herself looking at James. 

“He looks angry.”

“At me,” supplied James.

Lily glanced back at him warily. “Oh, God. What?”

He smiled, “We just had a chat. No big deal.”

Lily huffed. They both knew that James and Snape would sooner go on a date to Hogsmeade than have a ‘chat’.

He prepared to be told how stupid he had been when she said, “As long as you’re okay.”

His hazel irises were like fire, but not the flames when his touch lingered, but the calm, ever moving burn of lava. She let herself drink it in for as long as she dared, stealing steady breaths. But she didn’t want him to see her fall apart, and so Lily broke contact and began tying her hair up for something to do. 

When she felt the press of his foot on hers, she was going to ignore it. It had become sort of like their morse code. She shouldn’t  _ really  _ be encouraging herself. 

But the thing is, to Lily’s eternal surprise,  _ James  _ made her kind of act like a fool. And she didn’t hate it. 

When he’d given up, and his foot left hers and he started up a conversation with Sirius, Lily pressed her foot very deliberately on top of his. 

James’ eyes were careful, full of questions and relief. 

“Happy Halloween, Potter,” was all she said. 

James’ glanced up at the ceiling and back at Lily, as if to say  _ you’re impossible.  _

“Happy Halloween, Evans.”

  
  


Lily was still clinging onto that warm feeling when she barely slept that night. 

  
  


* * *

_ Monday 1st November 1976 _

“Just give me back my bag, I banged my head not my shoulder!” 

In the bustling corridor, Marlene held out a hand for the bag that Mary had attempted to carry up two flights of moving stairs. She’d been fussing all morning, and narrowing her eyes at anyone that’s gaze lingered too long on Marlene’s impressive bruising. 

“Head injuries are serious, Mar,” she argued. 

“Yeah, and you seem to be suffering from one more than me. Since when are you this attentive to anything but your hair?” 

“I am plenty attentive!” Mary tutted. “Besides, you don’t need your bag in the bathroom.”

She held Marlene’s bag securely on her shoulder, curling her fingers around the strap pointedly. Marlene sighed. 

“Okay, fine. Two minutes,” she told her before backing into the girls’ bathroom behind her. 

It was thankfully deserted, and Marlene marched to the sinks. Staring at her reflection in the ancient mirror above the basin, she tilted her head. Did she look any different? Besides the giant gash on her head, that was. Telling Lily had felt so great, but it didn’t do squat for her problem standing right outside the door, holding her insanely heavy book bag. That, and Lucy hadn’t even approached her, despite her near comatose state yesterday. 

Marlene grimaced at herself. She’d been such an  _ idiot  _ at that party. She wasn’t an expert at dating girls, but even she knew that their first date ending in an argument over ‘spin the bottle’ wasn’t great. Still, she thought getting attacked might be an incentive for them to rekindle things. 

Clearly not. 

She closed her eyes and exhaled. So much for getting over Mary. And her best friend was determined to make it even harder by supergluing herself to her side for the past twelve hours. Marlene was so often irritated by Mary chasing other people, that she’d forgotten how nice it was to be the centre of her attention. 

With a groan, Marlene disappeared into a toilet stall. 

Outside, Mary struggled to balance two bags and still look graceful. She was busy untangling the straps from her hair with several muttered curses when she heard someone call her name. 

“Hey, Mary.” 

She looked up. And almost swore again. 

Lucy Diggory smiled tentatively at her, tucking a perfectly straight strand of hair behind her ear. 

“Oh - hi,” she flashed a smile back. 

“How are you?” Lucy ventured, taking Mary completely by surprise. 

“Yeah, fine,” She paused. “And you?” 

“Same, thanks,” Lucy nodded quickly. 

Mary glanced around the corridor, as if someone could free her from this weird interaction. She was very aware that Marlene hadn’t wanted Mary anywhere near Lucy at the weekend. 

“So-”

“Do you know where Marlene is?” 

Lucy kept her pleasant smile plastered on, but Mary could tell she was nervous. She opened her mouth to tell her,  _ yes, she’s right in there,  _ but something stopped her. That  _ something _ possibly being that Mary wasn’t stupid - ever since Diggory had shown up, there was a growing rift between her and Marlene. It made her feel like total rubbish, not having Marlene on her side. She wasn’t crazy for not wanting that horrible, squirmy feeling in her stomach back. Was a friend like Diggory even good for Marlene if she caused problems between her best friend of  _ six years?  _

With a foreign, bad taste in her mouth, Mary shook her head. “No, sorry.”

Lucy sighed, “That’s too bad. I really want to talk to her. I feel… stupid about what happened, I-” she broke off, as if remembering she barely knew Mary. 

“Yeah, she did seem upset.” It wasn’t a total lie. 

“Really?” Lucy bit her lip. 

Mary swallowed her guilt. “Maybe give it a little time?” 

Lucy’s face fell, but she nodded in understanding. “Sure, I get that. Will you tell her I wanted to talk, though?” 

Mary’s smile was award-winning. “Definitely!” 

“Thank you, Mary,” Lucy did her best to hide her disappointment. She considered the Gryffindor. “I hope we can be friends.” 

Mary balked, because she really  _ meant  _ it. As someone who’d just lied through her teeth, she could tell. “Of course.” 

Lucy half waved as she walked away and round the corner. Mary let out a breath and furrowed her brow. Oh, Merlin. Why had she lied? That  _ was  _ crazy. 

She was putting a foot forward to chase Diggory down, two bags and all, when the bathroom door swung open. 

“Right, give me my bag,” Marlene said as she breezed out. 

This time, Mary handed it over with no complaint. 

“ _ Thank  _ you,” Marlene hefted it on her shoulder, and paused, catching Mary’s face. 

“What?” Mary asked quickly, paranoid. 

Marlene blinked several times, before shaking her head. “The light caught your face and you looked…” she cleared her throat and her eyes focussed. “Are you okay? Oh, doll. My bag beat you didn’t it?”

Mary laughed uneasily, eyes darting to where Diggory had just been. “One hundred percent.” 

Marlene grinned, and it was so lovely that Mary couldn’t bring herself to say anything. So she kept her trap shut, and she pouted. Laughing, Marlene threw her arm around Mary’s shoulders as they set off to their lesson. 

“Come on.”

Mary knew that she hadn’t really done the right thing, but she also knew that she wouldn’t be tucked into Marlene’s side as always if she’d told her about Diggory. 

“Hey, Mar?” Mary said as they wove through the crowds. 

“Mm?”

“How are you so  _ okay  _ today? Lily got up at the crack of dawn which is unnerving to say the least.” 

Marlene looked troubled by that, but she still smiled, “I’m just following your example. You were so determined after… after you were attacked. It makes me want to do the same.” 

A slow, pleased grin fought its way onto Mary’s face. “Please, you don’t need me to be strong.”

“I hope I never have to find that out,” Marlene said quickly. She pulled away as they reached their classroom on the fourth floor, reaching her hand out to prevent a Hufflepuff’s giant rucksack smacking Mary as they whirled around. “Idiot!” She barked. 

Mary patted her hair with a flustered laugh. She hadn’t even  _ seen _ the Hufflepuff. 

“How about I inspire you and you keep my face intact?” Mary joked as they entered their Ancient Runes lesson. 

Marlene snorted, “Oh, deal.” She slammed her bag down onto the desk.

  
  


* * *

Lily had just collapsed on the sofa in the Common Room when she heard footsteps approach her. Usually, she used her free periods to do some homework, but today she thought she’d earned the right to lie utterly still for a few hours in a space where no Slytherins could turn a corner and make her teeth snap together with panic. 

She squinted open her eyes to see James stood with his arms folded and a smirk on his face. The sight of him made her stupid stomach stupidly flutter with extra stupid butterflies. She’d received a full (unwanted) escort from the Marauders to each lesson, but Lily and James hadn’t been alone at all yet, and Lily was partly thankful for it. Different moments from Saturday had been popping up intrusively when she was trying to mind her own business, and had come to the conclusion that she should probably live in a bunker below the ground until James either forgot or grew old and hopefully ugly. Whichever came first. 

“What?” Lily said, as though her pulse hadn’t annoyingly sped up at the sight of him. 

James laughed. “Are you actually going to nap right here?”

“I’m  _ trying  _ to nap. Some idiot is interrupting me.” 

“I need to show you something,” He said.

Lily raised her eyebrows. “Okay, show me.” 

James shook his head, “It has to be in private. Come upstairs.”

Lily fought to keep control of her eyeballs lest they pop out of her head in shock. “Excuse me?” She laughed nervously, sitting up.  _ Don’t you dare let your eyes drift to the stupid broom cupboard, Lily _ . 

James realised belatedly how it sounded, and although his thought process was  _ usually  _ on that track he had something actually important to show her. It was a brainwave this morning that made total sense. He should have shown her earlier.

He smirked, though. They may not have kissed, but the thrill of knowing she’d thought about it was almost as good. Almost.

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Evans. Although we can revisit the idea later if you want.”

Lily blushed and shot him an irritated look. “No, thank you, you bastard flirt.”

It was a very believable lie. 

James nicked her cheek with his knuckle fondly. “I’ll keep my hands to myself. Just come and have a look at something, will you?”

Lily neglected to tell him that although it was necessary, she wasn’t exactly happy with that promise. Instead, she rolled her eyes and stood.

“I’ve got my eye on you,” she warned him.

The side of James’ mouth lifted. “Good,” He said seriously, and how was she supposed to cope like this?

James led Lily upstairs, hyper aware of her lithe body behind him, and the dim silence of the staircase. He’d gotten a bit carefree with the flirting, admittedly, but there were several new cards on the table since the weekend. Friends, but more. More, but not. He didn’t see how he was supposed to be completely appropriate with Lily now when he had barely managed it before.

Lily walked into the boys’ dormitory, alone with James, far more confidently than she felt. In truth, she was trying to breathe shallowly so as not to get intoxicated by him here, but it was making her sound slightly panicked. She was horribly aware that she hadn’t brushed her hair since it got caught in her bag strap and she didn’t love how much she cared about it. 

She hadn’t been in their dorm since that evening so many weeks ago when he’d been angry and didn’t want her to know. Sure, she’d stood in the doorway to wait for Remus before, and the room had seemed relatively nondescript. It was  _ considerably _ different to be in there with James rather than Remus, probably because she didn’t think about making out with her perfect partner.

Lily folded her arms, not daring to look around and decipher which bed might be his, to cram tiny shreds of information about him into her head like a crazy hoarder who could never admit her problem aloud.

James stood with his hands in his pockets, the sight of Lily in his room making him forget entirely why he was there, and she blushed under his attention.

“James?”

“Right.”

He cleared his throat gruffly and made his way across to the far bed. The back of his neck was flushed in a way that made her think she wasn’t the only one a little nervous to be up there. Lily’s eyes trailed over his surprisingly tidy four-poster with the bed neatly made, if a little haphazardly. Everything about it made her want to smile for some reason, like the stack of books and a bottle of glasses polish on his side table. The way he had several cases of mints and an expensive looking ink bottle sitting around like he hadn’t thought twice about them but the quill she’d given him on Saturday was delicately placed atop a page of his scrawled handwriting. At least she knew which bed was his now, even if it was obsolete to her, of course.

James had pulled something from his trunk at the end of the bed and straightened, and when his eyes met hers, Lily laughed from the tension he was building.

“What on earth am I doing here, Potter?”

His lips quirked, “Don’t freak out.”

Lily narrowed her eyes, “Most people who hear that tend to instantly freak out! I don’t want to see your collection of hair from different murder victims.”

“It’s not hair,” James assured her. “Weirdo,” He added fondly.

James reached into his back pocket. When he pulled out the bundle of silky material Lily just stared at it. It was a lovely, heavy looking cloak. 

“This has been in my family for generations,” James said, rubbing the material absently between his thumb and forefinger.

Lily’s confusion was obvious, and she glanced at James like he was the weirdo now, “It’s very… pretty?”

James’ soul briefly left his body as he unfurled it, “Just – look.”

Lily bit her lip in amusement, ready to laugh at his ridiculousness when James swung the cloak over himself and –

“Holy fuck.”

James’ invisible laughter rippled through the air at her expression, so foreign to his pureblood heritage.

“Your face is a dream right now.”

Lily’s jaw dropped open, completely in shock. He had absolutely vanished in the swish of material. “I don’t even know where  _ your _ face is! Merlin’s beard, James. Is that-?”

The floorboard creaked to the left of her, and Lily spun with wondrous eyes to follow the noise.

“An invisibility cloak,” James’ voice was so close to her ear she jumped, and her skin broke out into goosebumps.

“That’s amazing! That… explains so much,” Lily cast her mind back to every unbelievable prank the four of them had pulled off. She gasped. “On Saturday you completely disappeared in Slughorn’s cupboard! Everybody thinks you’re so sneaky-”

She was cut off once again by the soft material of the cloak reaching out and falling over her. Lily found herself staring up at James’ self-indulgent smile, and her breath hitched. They were both utterly invisible to the world.

“We are sneaky,” James argued. “This just helps.”

Lily suppressed a laugh and ran a finger along the cloak where James had it raised above both them.

“Why are you showing me?” She asked.

James’ face grew sombre in the cocoon of their little bubble. He gazed down at her relaxed, wonderfully freckled face and said, “I want you to use it. Whenever you want – I want you to wake me at two a.m., because you’re going to the kitchens for a late night omelette, and use it.”

Understanding passed unto Lily’s face, and her eyes flicked to where the sun was setting through the window, the cloak’s magic making it appear slightly blurred.

“You’re fussing over me,” She accused non-committedly. “I handled myself, didn’t I?”

“I just don’t want you to stop breaking the rules. It’s hot,” James’ tone was teasing, and Lily scoffed, her blood warming. But when she glanced back up at his hazel eyes, they turned completely sincere. He said seriously, “I want you to be safe, and I don’t think that even Dumbledore can guarantee that right now. Please use the cloak, Lily. It’s no problem.”

She felt a strangely pressing wave of emotion come over her. Grateful not just for the cloak, but to be watched over by him even when she didn’t think to ask.

She nodded, and James had to admit he was relieved. 

“Thank you,” Lily said genuinely. “I do love omelettes,” she added with a grin.

James hummed, “Oh, I know. You levitated one into my face last year.”

Lily threw her head back laughing at the memory, and James grinned at the sight of it. He was so glad she was okay, and here under this cloak with him for no real reason at this point.

“Merlin, you got under my skin,” Lily reminisced, then held up a finger. “You still do, of course.”

James’ gaze glimmered, “In the same way?”

She knew full well that his question was lined with dangerous insinuations. She also knew she could hardly deny them outright the way she once had, because her drunk self had revealed far too much. The one thing she could do was toe the line with him.

“Any other reasons are overruled by how annoying you are,” Lily told him with a straight face.

James hummed, seemingly ignoring the ‘annoying’ comment. “You smell good.” 

She swallowed. “What a friendly compliment,” Lily replied, voice laced with warning. 

“Oh, I wasn’t flirting with you. No, no, you smell good the same way that… apple pie smells good.”

Lily muffled a laugh with her hand, and James’ eyes crinkled. “Well then… you smell good like walnut pie smells good,” She said innocently. 

“Oh? Thanks a lot.” 

One sided of James’ mouth was pulled up in a lazy half smile directed down at her as he held the cloak aloft. Lily stared back. She had  _ no idea  _ why she ended up here every time. She might start thinking that she wanted to if she wasn’t careful. 

“You have stubble,” She said dumbly to fill the quiet.He did, like he’d skipped a day. 

Lily absently wondered if he’d ever used the cloak to make out with somebody in secret. It sent a funny pang through her that made her pull her hand back. She should go. Thank him and leave.

James let the cloak drop so that it touched their heads in favour of sliding his arms around Lily’s waist. She sucked in a breath as his strong grip held her in place.

“James Potter, what are you doing?”

“Nothing.” He shrugged, but his eyes danced, and he linked his fingers together at her back to further contradict himself.

“This is against the rules,” Lily fought to keep her tone steady. This wasn’t a party; it was daylight on a Monday afternoon. And if James didn’t want to reiterate his sentiments from Saturday night then why did he bother? 

James apparently found her completely hilarious and he smirked, “Whose?”

“Mine!” Lily spluttered. “You said you’d keep your hands off me,” she reminded him, even as her own came to rest lightly on his chest. He smelled exactly like the Quidditch shirt, unsurprisingly, and it made her heady. 

“I always set unrealistic goals where you’re concerned.” James didn’t make an attempt to pull her closer, his hands loose but steady, and making her skin buzz through three layers. 

Lily shook her head, scrutinising his frank, open face. “I don’t pretend to know what your goals  _ are _ .” 

James’ brow furrowed in genuine surprise at that. Every single other person in the damn school seemed to know his every waking thought, most of them revolving around the redhead before him. Lily’s heart skipped in a moment of panic when she saw his face, and she decided she didn’t want an answer. 

“How many girls have you tried to seduce under your ancient family heirloom cloak?” She asked quickly, meaning for it to come out as a joke, but the words floated in the air all coated in snarky bitterness. 

James’ gaze turned contemplative as he tightened his hold on Lily almost imperceptibly. She pushed desperately down on a shiver. “First, Evans, you’d know if I was trying to seduce you,” He said conversationally. The shiver won, but Lily held her breath because  _ holy crap.  _ Was he allowed to say things like that? “Second,” James let go of Lily to hold the cloak back up above them, and she was instantly bereft. “I haven’t shown this cloak to a single soul except the boys.” 

James watched Lily’s slow realisation that hey, she was special. He needed her to know that. He hadn’t convinced her yet, somehow, that he wasn’t after anybody else. After the weekend, after everything, how didn’t she  _ know?  _

The door banged open, and Sirius’ loud, admittedly lovely tenor voice filled the dorm. James and Lily jumped out of their skin, and she grabbed his arm. James recovered first, and began to grin, still cursing his best mate to high heaven that he’d interrupted them  _ again _ . 

Lily opened her mouth - no doubt to swear at Sirius like a sailor - but he put a finger to his lips, doing his best to ignore the violent thrum of his heartbeat at her hand still gripping his bicep. Sirius swanned directly past them to rummage through his trunk, singing a popular muggle song plus bonus amateur tap dancing. Still invisible, Lily stifled a laugh with her palm as she watched, and James signalled with a tilt of his head for them to move closer. 

As silent as possible, Lily turned so that James was at her back, and they crept forward. 

“ _ Oh, ah! I wanna be with you everywhere…”  _ Sirius flung out a dramatic arm, and Lily nearly lost an eyeball. James’ near silent laughter sent his breath skating down the back of her neck, and she was just in so much damn trouble. 

James and Lily got as close to Sirius’ face as they dared, and Lily was convinced she was about to get a hernia from all the suppressed laughter. 

“Three… two…” James’ words were barely sounds; they were so quiet but his mouth hovered close to Lily’s ear, and she had to remind herself that counting down from three wasn’t groundbreaking, or remotely attractive. 

James whipped the cloak off them both. “Boo!”

“ _ Aarrrrgh, no! Merlin’s fuck - why would you do that?”  _

James threw his head back laughing as Sirius fell onto his bed clutching his chest. Lily clapped a hand to her mouth as she broke into peels of giggles. 

“Your shrieking is worse than The Fat Lady’s singing!” She told him through breathlessness. 

James sniggered appreciatively as Sirius gulped, desperately trying to regain his composure. “Well, shit, I guess you showed Lily the cloak, Prongs!”

“Yeah, course I have,” James shrugged, still chuckling. 

“Makes sense, makes sense,” Sirius blew out a breath before grinning at Lily. “And the first thing you did was prank me?”

James dropped an arm around Lily. “She’s my protégée.”

Lily sobered, wiping her eyes. “As if!” She made to elbow his side, but he swerved back out of the way, letting the ends of her hair trail through his fingers as he moved. 

“You know that means I have to get you back now, right?” Sirius pointed at Lily, and her jaw dropped. 

“No, no, no, you don’t!” She assured him with panic, and moved to sit beside him on the bed. “Sirius, have I told you how lovely your singing voice is? You could definitely go professional.”

Sirius, “Flattery will get you everywhere, Evans.”

James wrinkled his nose, “Would you two stop flirting? Thanks.”

Lily’s face was utterly deadpan as she stuck out her tongue at him, and James had no choice but to let his eyes linger on her mouth in the long seconds after she put it back in. 

Sirius made a retching noise. “Should I leave?” 

Lily, as red as her roots, jumped up. “No,  _ I’m  _ leaving! I’m long overdue for a nap.”

“You’re welcome to nap here,” James swept his hand over the four posters in varying degrees of mess, leaning his shoulder against the post of Sirius’. Lily rolled her eyes and clicked several times in his face. 

“You should move.”

“Closer?”

“Continents!” Lily shot back sweetly, before expertly manoeuvring herself away from his tempting  _ everything.  _

Sirius burst out into his barking laughter and James met his eyes with a smirk as Lily pushed past him to the door. He had a thought and jogged to the doorframe to call her name just before she started down the spiral staircase.

“Hey, Evans.”

“Yeah?”

“Tell Mar and the others about the cloak. They can use it whenever they want, too.” 

Lily folded her arms in challenge, “Well, don’t you want to bring them up here and tell them that under the cloak?” She teased. 

James’ smirk grew. It was accompanied by a playful frankness that took her breath away. 

“Nah.”

Lily bit on her cheek to stop the smile that formed. 

That night, she slept an impressive four hours.

* * *

_ Tuesday 2nd November 1976 _

Remus had had a hard time controlling his own wand whenever he saw the suspected Slytherins pass him by in the corridors. Their sneers were all but guilty charges to him, because even if they hadn’t  _ been  _ there, they knew and they revelled in it. 

As a werewolf, Remus had gotten excellent at hiding his anger. Slipping up in his condition wasn’t an option, and he hated any feeling or emotion that made him even a sliver closer to his lupine self. So, he controlled it. And like any studious sixteen year old pacifist, instead voiced his opinions loudly at the monthly prefect meetings. 

“More needs to be done! There has been no example set for whoever hurt Lily and Marlene, and that in itself  _ sets the example  _ that it can be gotten away with.” 

At the head of the table, and looking thoroughly exhausted, Frank nodded. “I completely agree. Dumbledore doesn’t exactly share his plans with me, it’s… tough.” 

“But what about last year?” Remus pushed, looking around the room at the cluster of prefects. “The same thing happened to Mary Macdonald outside the Great Hall! Or a month ago, when the Third Year Mark was somehow attacked in the middle of the day in Hogsmeade? These people are just getting ballsier,” He sighed, frustrated. His temper roiled beneath his skin, but even Remus’ worst temper was a great deal calmer than most peoples. Lily laid a hand on his arm comfortingly. 

“You’re so right, Remus,” She said firmly. Looking around at their fellow prefects, she nodded, “I think we’re all feeling helpless, and we’ve all heard the rumours.”

Several people glanced up at the six Slytherin prefects in the room, who looked varying degrees of pissed off and uncomfortable. None of them had ever even looked at Lily or Mary funny - most of them Remus really liked. 

“At the same time we shouldn’t believe everything we hear,” Lily added pointedly, and everyone’s gazes jumped away from the Slytherins, suddenly guilty. 

“Thank you, Lily.”

Augustus Rookwood, Seventh Year Slytherin had dark hair and thick eyebrows. His smile wasn’t overbearing, but felt warm and genuine. Lily shrugged with a smile. 

Frank was nodding, a knowing kind of look in his eyes when he looked at Lily. “We’re a team,” He agreed. “Especially now, we have to look out for each other. I think for the moment nobody should do patrols by themselves. Bhavna and I will rework the schedule and put you in pairs, all right?”

The Hufflepuff Head Girl began scribbling on her parchment almost immediately, eyes darting around the room at compatible pairings. 

“We will try and appeal to Professor Dumbledore, Lupin,” She told Remus, not looking up. “Frank and I are just as in the dark and frustrated as you.”

His eyes met Lily’s who just smiled at him in a,  _ what can you do?  _ sort of way. 

“Is anyone going to ask?” Isobel Alvarez, Peter’s unenthusiastic Charms partner, spoke in a tone less than gentle. “Why did  _ they  _ attack McKinnon? She’s from one of the oldest Wizarding families around! No offence, Lily, but we all know why they attacked you. Maybe it wasn’t the same people as the other incidents.” 

“Izzie!” Benjy shot a sharp gaze at her in distaste. 

Remus bit his tongue as his poker face appraised Isobel’s defensive folded arms but her ultimately non-guilty facial expression. Lily, however, just raised an eyebrow and flung out her hands.

“You don't have tact but you have a valid point,” she said begrudgingly. 

Remus raised his head so suddenly that Lily glanced back at him in alarm. “I think that’s it,” he clicked his fingers. “Whoever it was wanted to make a  _ point _ . I mean - Isobel-”

She widened her eyes apprehensively across the table at Remus, making Lily, despite herself, huff in laughter. “You’re a prime example. You’re not muggleborn, and so it’s easy for you to sit and casually say that someone attacked Lily because of her blood status.” His eyes jumped to Frank and Bhavna. “Marlene, as it’s been made clear, is a pureblood. So, of course, Isobel here asks - why would anyone attack her?  _ That’s  _ exactly why. It’s not enough for muggleborns to be fearful for them to win whatever sick game they’re playing. They want everyone to be scared to even speak up for them.” 

There was a grave silence after Remus spoke. But he just looked to Lily, belatedly realising he could have upset her. Lily didn’t stare at the ground; she just smiled sadly at him. 

“Always the smartest one in the room.”

“Sorry, Lily,” Isobel said quickly. “I feel like a total ignorant asshole now. Remus, that’s probably true,” She took a deep breath and shrugged at the Heads. “I’m happy to be paired up.” 

“Great,” said Frank with a long sigh. “Pick up your rotas tomorrow morning, please, people. Remus, I’ll be sure to pass that along.”

The Prefects were dismissed, and the misery of the topic had most people scurrying off straight away. It was barely six o’clock, but November evenings meant that it had been dark for over an hour and suddenly looking at Lily’s still bruised lip meant no one was keen to be out.

“A very eventful game of Spin the Bottle on Saturday,” Benjy strolled over to Lily and Remus waiting for Frank in the torchlit doorway. 

Lily raised both eyebrows at his amused smirk, “You mean getting with Mary and then ignoring her?”

“Ouch, Lily.” Remus watched Benjy shift on his feet despite his nonchalant tone. “I was  _ going  _ to ask if you got up to anything fun in the broom cupboard.” 

“Oh yeah, I’m pregnant with twins,” Lily pulled a face. “Come on, Benjy.”

Lily caught Remus’ eye fleetingly. He hadn’t been able to discern what had changed in the cupboard for her, nor had he asked. Remus seemed to be the only one who had made peace with the fact that the only pace Lily and James were going to go at was their strange, convoluted own. He  _ also  _ seemed to be the only one who noticed how often the two of them touched in barely there hand grazes, like they were always reaching out to check if the other was there. 

Benjy held up his hands with a chuckle, “All right, I’m sorry. But for the record, every time I’ve even glanced at Mary in the past two days, McKinnon has looked at me like she’d sooner see me strike up a conversation with a live bear.” 

Lily’s eyes narrowed imperceptibly before the expression was gone, replaced with pure amusement. Remus wondered if Lily wondered like he did about Marlene and Mary. They were another pair that lived in each other’s pockets and held each other in much higher esteem than most friends. 

“She’s suspicious of your charms,” Remus replied with dry amusement. 

Benjy grinned at him, “That’s putting it lightly.”

“Let’s  _ go _ , Benj! I’m all freaked out now!” Isobel’s voice drifted in from the corridor as Frank walked over, shuffling parchment into his bag. 

“Later all,” The Ravenclaw saluted as he ducked out of the door, Isobel’s nattering fading with each step. 

Lily sighed and grimaced despairingly at Remus, “He is so not as into Mary as she is him.”

Remus pressed his lips together in defeat. “No,” he agreed.

“Great,” Lily blew out a breath and began walking. “You ready Frank?” 

“Let’s go.”

Lily stared at the empty corridor for a long, hard moment before setting off. 

“Have you ever experienced a Mary Macdonald meltdown after a boy she barely goes out with dumps her?” Lily asked, her voice light and airy as they made their way back to Gryffindor tower as a three. Remus frowned at the expert covering up of her clear nervousness to be out. 

“Alice has told me some fun highlights,” Frank admitted. 

Lily huffed. “It’s a total nightmare. I wish she wouldn’t pin all of her hopes and dreams on one guy like that. Oh, and  _ Marlene,” _ she audibly groaned. “It puts Marlene in a foul mood, like she can’t choose between destroying every boy at Hogwarts and telling Mary to get over it-” Lily paused. Her feet faltered, and her eyes widened at nothing in the glowing stretch corridor. “ _ Oh _ .” She muttered. 

Frank and Remus exchanged concerned glances. 

“Lily?”

Whatever revelation she’d just had, she didn’t share. “What? Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry.”

She shook her head and began walking with slightly more haste. After a confused moment, Frank cleared his throat. 

“You know, you’d make a good Head Girl, Lily.”

Lily laughed. “Me?”

Remus nudged her, “He’s right. You were great in there.”

“So were you,” Lily shrugged. 

“Let’s put it this way,” Frank grinned. “I’m not recommending Alvarez.” 

Lily snorted as she looped her arm through Remus’. “You’re my running mate, of course.”

Remus grinned appreciatively, “You know I’ll support you, but I’m not a leader.” 

Lily’s jaw dropped. She’d understand if she knew. If he told her. Remus had come so close to it several times these past few weeks, but honestly, it wasn’t something he felt like saying over breakfast or between classes. And now she was worried, and looking especially tired in a way that concerned him. He knew all too well what exhaustion could do to a person. 

“Agree to disagree there, Lupin, old pal,” Lily announced with a pointed stare. Frank laughed at Remus over her head, knowing arguing with her was pointless, and something only James really liked to engage in. 

As they approached Gryffindor tower, Lily stopped them both. 

“Guys, I…”

“You okay?” Remus glanced around at the portraits on the walls, curiously gazing on. For the first time, he noticed the shadows under eyes. 

“When Mar and I were attacked…” Remus’ eyes flitted to Frank’s. Her memories must be coming clearer and more poignant, and he knew that couldn’t even be counted as good news. It must be painful as hell for her. She closed her eyes for a moment before exhaling. “I think they’re still afraid to actually hurt us. They were almost hesitant. But that’ll change,” she said with confident grimness. “If not here, after Hogwarts.”

Frank was silent in his understanding, but Remus squeezed Lily’s shoulder. 

“If they get stronger, so will we.” 

* * *

  
  


_ Wednesday 3rd November 1976 _

If somebody had told Sirius on his sixteenth birthday that he was finally going to leave his toxic family behind him that year - he would never have believed them. Grimmauld Place had seemed escapable and suffocating, even though he’d rebelled in any way that he could either with his Gryffindor decor or loud muggle music. 

But here he was, newly turned seventeen years old, living permanently with his best friend and spending his birthday surrounded by the best people he’d ever met. 

“Cheers!” The group all sloshed their drinks to the middle of the table. 

The Marauders had successfully managed to sneak the entire group - plus Frank, Emmeline and Hestia into The Three Broomsticks to celebrate. They’d been hesitant to go out after dark at all, but it was Lily, stoic determination on her face, who said they shouldn’t let a bunch of fascists dictate their lives. So there they were; the pub was bustling, and luckily nobody looked too closely at the group of majority underage students. 

“I really thought you’d want to prank the Slytherins for your birthday, Padfoot. I’m proud of you,” Remus said over the din. 

Sirius let out a loud laugh, “Oh, Moony, you sweet angel. We’re doing that tomorrow.” 

Remus flung his hands in the air, “Merlin, I retract that statement, then.” 

“Prongs and I were planning all afternoon, you’ll love it.”

“All afternoon? I take it you didn’t finish the Potions essay, then?” 

Sirius wrinkled his nose, “It’s my birthday, don’t you dare say another word about homework.” 

On his other side, Marlene interrupted, “I thought you would have bought somebody tonight, Sirius.” 

He waved her off, “Nah, I get to turn the charm off on my birthday.” 

Remus’ eyebrows flicked up, “In that case, I don’t think it’s been back on since your  _ last  _ birthday.” 

“I can’t afford to waste charm on you when you love me so much already, Moony,” Sirius grinned, and gestured at Marlene, “You know we could have got your friend Diggory here, too, if you wanted.”

Marlene cleared her throat, “She wouldn’t have come, trust me.” 

She took a large swig of her drink, hoping it would ease the sting of rejection that still lingered. She swallowed and turned to Mary beside her, “I still can’t believe she hasn’t even tried to talk to me.” 

She didn’t notice the nervous way Mary fiddled with the end of her straw. “And you haven’t spoken to her?”

Marlene sighed, “I was going to! On Monday at dinner I saw her, but before I’d even waved she gave me this strange look and blanked me. Now, forget it, I guess.”

“New friendships don’t always click,” reasoned Mary quickly. 

“Oh… yeah.”

“Would you have invited her here like Sirius said?” Mary ventured, her eyes pinned on Marlene with a poorly masked trepidation. 

“Probably, I don’t know.” 

Mary swallowed. “Mar, I-”

“No, screw it, I don’t need her,” Marlene’s cheeks were pink with alcohol when she grinned at Mary. “You’re right. Lucy and I didn’t click, it’s whatever.” 

Mary nodded with a tight smile that a completely sober Marlene would pick up on right away. To say she was having a few regrets about lying to Lucy Diggory was a major understatement. Firstly, she didn’t realise that Marlene would feel quite so dejected, and it made her guilt quadruple by the day. Why she was so upset about a Ravenclaw they barely knew, Mary couldn’t work out, but she hated that Marlene took it personally. 

Two whole days had passed, and it was much,  _ much  _ too late to acceptably turn around tell her the truth. Marlene would be furious with her; she hated liars. 

“Lucy and Fenwick are friends, aren’t they? I hope they live happily ever after,” Marlene continued sarcastically. 

In actual fact, spending so much more time with Marlene over the last few days meant Mary barely thought about kissing Benjy at all. Or how he’d ignored her since. No, she’d just pushed her best friend into the same boat. 

Mary let her head fall on Marlene’s shoulder in resignation. “Then we’ll live happily ever after, right? No matter what, or who might make very bad, uninformed decisions?”

Marlene laughed, and the sound reverberated through Mary. “That was so odd, but yes.” She paused. “M and M.”

Mary smiled. “MM and MM,” She agreed. As First Years they’d decided their matching alliterated initials were fate. Sometimes Mary thought she hung onto that little idea too much. 

She had no clue Marlene thought the exact same about herself. 

It was so damn warm in the pub as Lily watched Mary and Marlene across the table. She’d given herself an epiphany yesterday after the Prefects meeting talking about her two friends. It was crazy that she would never have given it a second thought before Marlene told her she liked girls. But actually, her and Mary were close in a way that she wasn’t with Alice and Lily. It wasn’t a big deal amongst them, as they were all best friends, but it was just acknowledged early on: Mary and Marlene’s friendship was special. Now, Lily wondered if she’d been completely blind. The way they interacted was… 

Well, it was like Lily and James interacted. 

And as she’d recently established, Lily really wanted to kiss James. 

She was careful to avert her gaze away from her friends. She felt so privileged that Marlene had told her at all that she didn’t want to start prying when this was possibly the most delicate of situations. 

A situation that had been the only thing stopping her from napping with her forehead on the sticky wooden table top. 

_ Right,  _ Lily thought,  _ wake up.  _ The last thing she wanted was to ruin Sirius’ birthday by passing out, despite it being sorely tempting. She had only gotten a handful of hours again last night. It was something about the darkness, and thinking someone was going to catch her off guard again. It was a horrible, slimy feeling she hadn’t quite shaken off. 

Lily shrugged her cardigan off to get a bit cooler. 

“Evans, you’re going to take my eye out.”

She shot James beside her, a menacing glare. His ridiculously high body heat wasn’t helping the situation with their bodies pressed together on the crammed bench. She shook her jammed hand in the sleeve in annoyance. 

“You’re too hot,” she complained. 

James smirked, grabbing her sleeve and freeing her arm. “You’re so direct, I love it.” 

Lily used the now limp cardigan to swat him. “No, you’re  _ literally  _ hot. I don’t know how you can sit there in a jumper.”

“I feel fine,” James shrugged, looking highly amused. 

Lily placed the back of her hand to his forehead, pathetically enjoying the small touch. “A bloody furnace,” She announced. 

James huffed a small laugh before he took the hand on his head by linking their fingers and resting them on the table. Lily stared at their interlocked fingers like they were a bubbling cauldron and pulled them beneath the table instead, hidden from view. 

_ Crap, you’re resting them on his leg, genius.  _ She hadn’t thought this out, but she also didn’t want to let go. So their held hands stayed on James’ thigh, and he didn’t say a word. He didn’t need to, his poorly concealed smile said it all. 

She wondered if he minded it - not making out but holding her hand. Would someone who just wanted to hook up do that? Lily snuck a glance at his face as he took Emmeline’s ribs about Ravenclaw beating Gryffindor in Quidditch next month. He didn’t  _ look  _ like he minded. 

Lily didn’t mind. Whatever the  _ opposite  _ of minding holding hands with your confusing more-but-less friend was, she was that. The fact that her brain didn’t go into panic mode at the realisation was almost as scary as if it did. 

Quite some time later, James was forced to prize their hands apart to make a toast to Sirius after he insisted he wasn’t leaving without one. 

“Make me cry, Prongs!” He called out. 

“Oi, you can’t heckle before it’s  _ begun,” _ James protested, standing up. 

“Is that really the beginning?” Marlene shouted next. 

“I hope it’s the end, too,” Remus commented drily, sipping from his bottle. 

James splayed his arms out in defense, “All right, all right! I don’t see you miserable lot offering to make a bloody speech for our Princess Padfoot here.” They laughed and jeered at Sirius who only bowed in his seat. James turned to look down at Lily, gaze imploring. “You want to hear it, don’t you?” 

She smiled sweetly up at him, “Didn’t you tell me there was a choreographed dance involved?” 

More cheers of encouragement followed, and James’ eyes narrowed imperceptibly at her cheek, but they glinted all the same. “I’ll get Evans for that, but for now-”

“I’m sure you will!” Sirius barked out a laugh and Lily burned with embarrassment as she aimed a kick at him under the table. 

“ _ Oof!  _ That was  _ me,  _ Lil.” 

“Oops, sorry, Alice!” 

Sirius’ jaw dropped, “Would you really try and kick the  _ birthday  _ boy?”

“Great Merlin, all right!” James downed a large amount of his drink and pointed at Sirius. “Happy birthday, mate. You’re officially legal, which terrifies everyone at this table. You’re also a loud mouthed tosser who spends too much time on his hair in the morning but we love you.” He hesitated, before raising his glass to his best friend. “I’m proud of you for leaving home. You’re my brother and what’s mine is yours and shit.” 

Sirius' face sobered as he nodded gratefully, and mimicked James by raising his glass. 

“Merlin, are you getting  _ married?”  _ Marlene demanded jokingly, but James reckoned that her eyes were a little misty. 

The group all brought their mugs, tankards and bottles to the middle of the table to clang them messily together. 

This, James thought, was what the Slytherins and their dark lord were trying to steal. He glanced back at Lily as he sat back down. Her knowing smile didn’t hide the shadows under her eyes. He felt increasingly like they were dancing around Saturday night but he was trying to juggle his burning curiosity about her feelings with respecting that she’d been in a traumatic incident. So, he’d settled for touching her as much as he was allowed with a tug on her hair or pulling her into his side, or like right now, a hand snaking onto her knee. 

Her green, indecipherable gaze snapped up to his. She was right - it  _ was  _ hot in here.

“What’s that for?” Lily asked, tone carefully steady and full of warning. 

James bent his neck to speak quietly, and Lily watched his advancing closeness with the same weary excitement she couldn’t clamp down on lately. “I was thinking you’d make a great Marauder.” 

Lily raised her eyebrows, maintaining derisiveness in the face of hormones extremely admirably, “I don’t want to be in your cult.” 

James laughed, and his breath tickled her face. “I know you were nervous about being out this late again. But you did it for Sirius.”

Lily shook her head, “It’s nothing.”

The hand on her knee squeezed and her throat bobbed. 

“It’s not nothing,” James insisted. 

Lily’s throat constricted with emotion and she suddenly wanted to kiss him for an entirely different reason, for seeing her the way he did. Her gaze drifted to his mouth and thank  _ Merlin  _ they were in public as James’ damn hand once again tightened on her knee in reaction but she had no clue what his eyes looked like because she couldn’t tear her own away from his stupid mouth -

“Who’s carrying me home?” 

Emmeline banged her fist on the table, and Lily jerked her knee away from James’ hand. She bit her cheek as she averted her gaze away from him, wanting to laugh and tunnel down into the floor all at once. 

James was incredibly touchy for someone completely ignoring the fact that he had said he wanted to kiss her mere days ago. She was going to seriously think about getting professional help at the sick feeling in her stomach with each new wave of disappointment. Because Lily  _ was _ disappointed he hadn’t mentioned it. Just like she was disappointed he didn’t kiss her in the first place. She had to call a spade a spade - in her head, of course. Lily wasn’t about to start telling people she was alarmingly into the idea of maybe making out with James Potter, especially if he wasn’t. 

Her eyes latched on Remus, whose smirk was visible to her if no one else. Crap, that boy didn’t miss a trick. She felt like she’d been busted with her hand in the biscuit tin. 

The biscuit tin in question was smiling to himself as they all meandered out of the pub and into the crisp night. From the Hogsmeade street, Hogwarts was illuminated in a effervescent glow that she bathed in for just a moment. 

James paused, hands in his pockets like he didn’t trust them, and waited for her. 

“Shut up,” Lily told him as she began walking again, arms folded. 

James tipped his head and laughed at the sky, “I didn’t say anything!” 

“Shut  _ up,”  _ she insisted anyway. 

“Potter, Evans! No falling behind!” Frank called out from ahead, walking backwards along the cobblestones. 

James followed Lily as she sped the pace, elbowing him playfully as she passed for good measure. A giggling Marlene and Mary fell back, and the former looped her arm through Lily’s. 

“Come on, let’s do this horrible bloody walk together,” She said. Marlene had been sleeping better than Lily, but her eyes careened from left to right as they made the journey. 

The whole group subtly followed suit, all too aware that although there was so much to celebrate, they couldn’t get into the habit of being caught off guard. 

* * *

  
  


_ Thursday 4th November 1976  _

In Defence Against the Dark Arts that morning, James yawned into his textbook, blinking blearily at the page. He was cleverly multitasking between not falling asleep, reading one sentence at a time, and staring at the back of Lily’s head. Only two more words and he’d be able to gaze blankly at that red hair that fell in immaculate waves down her back, remembering her eyes last night. Just like that, his pulse would pick up and he’d be awake again. It was fool proof. 

“You’re being far too aggressive with your wand, Pete, you shouldn’t quite jab it like that,” Remus said in alarm, seizing Peter’s wand. 

Sirius and James broke into laughter simultaneously. 

Peter groaned, “Don’t-”

“That’s what she said,” Sirius snorted, elbowing James who at least tried to cover up his smirk. 

“Wow,” Remus said slowly. “No wonder you’re all single.”

“Hey!” Sirius twirled his wand between his fingers. “I would consider myself to be always  _ attached.  _ Just-” He checked his watch. “- ten hours ago I even got a birthday snog from Emmeline.” 

The other three let out varying noises of disgust. 

“You told us three times already,” Peter grimaced. 

“We’re both seventeen for four glorious months,” Sirius reclined in his chair dreamily. “And Prongs isn’t single either, he just turned up ten years early for his wedding,” He patted him on the back vigorously in what James assumed was supposed to be comforting. 

“You make me sound like a sad git,” He elbowed him. 

Sirius dodged and laughed, “You  _ look _ like a sad git, too. You’re being extra  _ longing-y  _ today.”

“Okay, that’s just not a word,” muttered Remus.

James sighed and leaned back in his chair until it creaked. “Do you think it’s weird she hasn’t mentioned Saturday?” 

Sirius snorted, “You mean when you carried her into a dark, locked cupboard?”

James cleared his throat, alarmed at how quickly his neck grew hot at the memory. “All of it, I guess.” 

“I dunno. Let’s review,” Sirius straightened his tie and sat up, making Remus roll his eyes and finally stopped Peter from swishing his wand around jerkily. “You tell Evans that you want to kiss her and you miraculously still have your balls attached to your body. Plus whatever the hell you were both doing under the cloak the other day-”

“And at the table last night,” Remus chimed in. 

“What were you doing under the cloak?” Peter demanded, his mouth round. 

“Nothing!” James held his hands up, laughing. “Thanks to Padfoot, anyway.”

“Oh yeah, it’s  _ my  _ fault you can’t get a snog off her after  _ years _ …” 

“You would tell us if we ever needed to heavily sanitize the cloak, right?” Remus’ face was wrinkled in suspicion. His eyes darted to Sirius, “Maybe there should just be a rule that trousers are compulsory under it.” 

“That rule should be unspoken!” Peter choked. 

James and Sirius burst into delighted laughter at his scandalised face, loudly enough that Lily turned around, eyebrows raised. 

“No eavesdropping, Evans,” James called across. 

“Like I care about your secrets, Potter,” She replied derisively. But when James winked, she blushed furiously and held up her middle finger to combat it. 

When she turned back around, hair swishing, Sirius sniggered under his breath. 

“See? That’s not what I call running for the hills, Prongs.”

James smirked despite himself, a warm feeling curling around his spine like it always did when Lily so much as glanced at him. 

“You know she asked me how many girls I’d  _ seduced _ using the cloak?” He said in a low voice to his mates, disbelieving. 

Sirius' jaw dropped in proud delight, and he made a fist in the air, “She’s  _ jealous.  _ Point blank jealous.”

Even Remus looked impressed by that, “I hate to agree with Padfoot-”

“-Your greatest weakness-”

“- and I haven’t asked her, so this is just speculation, but she’s probably just frazzled right now, mate. When I told you to be her friend, you also need to remember that you’re the friend who makes her go completely red when you say something the rest of us find nauseating.”

“Yeah,” nodded Peter, his face screwed up in concentration. “And if she’s saying things like that, maybe you just make her as nervous as she makes you.”

All three boys took in the rare insight from Wormtail, before comically turning to stare at an oblivious Lily with consideration. 

“That can’t be right,” James said.

Remus blew out a breath, “But alas.”

“A-fucking-las,” Sirius agreed, an idea forming in his mind. 

* * *

Lily was sat by herself in the library, and she felt almost absolutely fine about it. Alice had bagged herself a nasty cold and Mary, of all people, had insisted on watching Marlene at Quidditch practise despite the dismal weather, and not before chewing James out about putting her back on the pitch so soon. (“She basically threatened to break my nose if I didn’t let her!” James had argued.) 

Ugh, she’d waved at him so weirdly when he left. Lily would give dearly to crack open his head like a walnut just to peer inside and see what the heck he was thinking. She hated obsessing for the past three days over why he’d said nothing about Saturday’s… admission. Fifth Year James would have told fifty people within the first twenty four hours. 

_ He said he wanted to,  _ she reminded herself. But maybe that was all. Maybe she should get on _ board.  _ She hadn’t even been the one to say anything incriminating, but somehow she felt like the one with something to lose. 

Somebody laughed sharply and Lily jumped, fingers curled into a fist reactively. Being November, the sky had gradually morphed into darkness in the early evening, but the lamplight glow and background chatter kept her from being too jumpy. Lily could have asked someone to come with her, but she was determined to feel safe on her own. That attack was a blip, she kept reminding herself. How rare was it to find herself without a wand and inebriated? She would never be caught off guard again, that was for sure.

Company might have been nice even if just to keep her eyes from alternatively sliding closed and itching with tiredness. Another two nights in a row of fitful sleep. She was bloody livid; at herself, at the asshole pure bloods, and most definitely at Snape. She bet he saw this as her comeuppance for ditching him. 

When she heard footfalls heading in her direction from the other side of the shelves, Lily forced her body to remain still, for her breathing not to change. Even so, her nerves jangled, and her eyes jumped to her wand. 

But it was Sirius, looking less than happy about being in the library at all. His dark eyes lit up when he saw Lily, and she smiled genuinely. Sirius, though starkly different from Remus in so many ways, had the same lovely reassuring calm about him.

“Evans, thank Merlin, someone decent in this hellhole!”

Lily smirked, “Look at you in the library  _ unprompted _ .”

“Oh, it’s prompted, all right,” Sirius shot her a resigned look as he dumped his bag on the table beside hers. “Slughorn is going to give me a nice shiny D on my Potions essay unless I fix it.”

Lily’s brow creased as she twirled the quill between her fingers. “I don’t get it.”

Sirius was quizzical but he smiled a half smile, “What don’t you get?”

“You’re  _ smart, _ Sirius.”

He wrinkled his nose, “How would you know that?”

“All the crazy stuff you do with the pranks and the jokes… it’s all absolutely mad and almost  _ always _ against the rules, but it's intelligent stuff!”

Sirius eyebrows rose to suggest that he was surprised she thought of him as anything other than an loveable idiot. He began to smile as Lily jabbed her finger onto the scrawled ink of his essay.

“But you have written barely twelve inches for a three foot essay!” She accused, and he laughed instead.

“How in the name of Merlin do you make me  _ actually _ feel guilty about that?” He wondered.

Lily quirked an eyebrow reminiscent of her unimpressed prefect scolding. “Because you know I’m right.”

Sirius sighed in admission. “Ah, I just don’t care about good grades and stuff. Especially after what happened…” He trailed off, glancing at Lily worriedly.  __

But she only nodded in agreement, ignoring the pinch of nerves and urge to glance over her shoulder. Lily gestured to the parchment and books scattered across her table, “All this helps me take my mind off it. I can make sense of magical theory.”

“But nothing makes sense about what’s happening,” Sirius finished grimly. He considered Lily for a moment, before saying, “I can’t stop hoping that it wasn’t Regulus.”

Lily’s gaze softened in understanding, and she placed her quill down. She lowered her voice in the quiet of their little library corner.

“I can’t tell you for sure,” She began. “But I just don’t think it was him. I don’t know, there was a determination from whomever it was casting those spells. From what you’ve told me about him, from what I’ve seen… It doesn’t add up.”

Sirius felt a surge of gratefulness wash over him. “Thanks, Evans.” His lips turned down, and he gazed at the topmost shelf of books above them. “He’s a good kid. I just worry about how long he’ll be able to refuse.”

“ _ You  _ refused.”

“And Regulus has seen how it cost me. I don’t care about that insane family, I hated it there. But he does.” He shook his head and rubbed a hand over his face. “And I’ve made it harder  _ to  _ leave. It was a shock when I ran away, but they know now. They’ve sunk their claws that much deeper into my brother because of it.”

Lily’s heart twisted at Sirius’ turmoil, that he thought he was somehow responsible for his brother’s decisions. She put a hand on his forearm in comfort, and it jerked Sirius out of whatever memory he was trapped in.

“Sorry – I didn’t mean to offload on you.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Lily told him firmly. “We’re all having to grow up fast here, Sirius. I know you wish you could protect your brother and be closer to him, but you just  _ can’t _ make people do something just because you want it,” she sighed. “Even if you wished really hard for years, thinking that there was something beyond the sky that could actually hear you.”

“Your sister?” Sirius asked knowingly.

Lily laughed bitterly. “She doesn’t want anything to do with me, either. I think it’s a shame, you know? What the hell is wrong with people? We’re so great.”

“Completely fantastic.”

They smiled with a hint of shared sadness for a moment, before Lily tapped his essay smartly. “C’mon, I can help you knock Slughorn’s surprisingly high socks off. And you know your brother’s in the Slug Club? If you get better maybe he’ll invite you; I am sure he wants the full Black family set.”

Sirius chuckled and pulled his quill and inkpot toward him with some newfound determination. He glanced back at her, dark eyes glinting with mirth.

“What?”

“You’re more like James than you know. Neither of you can just sit still, you have to  _ do  _ something about everything and figure out a solution.” He told her fondly.

Lily felt her cheeks warm, and a pleased smile fought its way onto her lips. “Perhaps he’s more like  _ me _ . I was born first.”

“Yeah, you’re practically robbing the cradle with that two month age gap,” Sirius’ tone dripped with sarcasm as he flipped open his textbook.

Lily shot him a narrowed stare, “I’m not robbing anything, we’re still just mates.” She informed him in a bored tone that rang false in her own ears.

“Whatever it is, I’m glad of it,” Sirius barrelled on, much to her relief. “I like having you around.”

It was oddly validating to hear, but Lily just rolled her eyes. “Thank you ever so much.”

Sirius grinned and settled down, scratching a few words out on his parchment. But Lily found her attention drifting, and she watched small splats of rain begin to hit the window near them. She was kind of touched to have Sirius on her side. He was practically an extension of James, and suddenly being friends with James’ closest friends was important to her. Lily couldn’t voice aloud how much she wanted to  _ know _ James, so knowing his friends was like collecting little parts of him. Above all of that, it was just  _ nice  _ to have friends like the Marauders, so brash and loyal and completely nuts. It was the fear of losing them as well as James, which held her back from kissing him and ruining everything.

No matter how exponentially hard it was getting.

“You know I heard you before the game of Spin the Bottle,” Sirius interrupted the silence and Lily nearly jumped out of her skin. Merlin, did he know legilimency now?

Lily schooled her features into neutrality, even as memories of James holding her against him assaulted her mind, “What do you mean?”

Sirius poorly hid his smirk, “You told Marlene that you would jinx the bottle.”

_ Crap _ , Lily thought, trying to remember if she’d lowered her voice at all when she’d noticed him nearby. She shrugged, “As it’s a muggle game, using magic to influence the bottle is not technically against the rules.”

Sirius’ smile teemed with wicked delight, and she felt distinctly like a cornered rabbit. He couldn’t know what she’d done. She had been so quick. 

“Naturally, I expected it when you fixed James’ turn,” He said airily and Lily’s heart pinched.

“Yes,” she wrote a few random words determinedly on the parchment. “And it landed on Alice! Classic me, right? Okay, now to your essay-” She said, pitch climbing.

Sirius ignored his work entirely. “But it wasn’t  _ yourself _ that you stopped the bottle landing on, was it?”

Okay, perhaps he  _ did  _ know what she’d done. Her expression told him just as much.

“Ha!” Sirius barked out, before remembering where he was. He dropped his voice to a hush, but his glee was evident. Lily shook her head, cheeks growing redder by the second.

“Shut up!” She hissed, mortified. Because…

“Oh, Evans. James’ bottle spin was going to land on that Bryce, the Hufflepuff girl who’d been flirting with him five minutes earlier, but you pushed it onto Alice. I’m right, aren’t I?”

Lily had been so concerned that James would notice, she hadn’t even thought that Sirius would! Damn drunk Potter tunnel vision. 

She shook her head again, lips pressed together. “We should go back to not being friends.”

Sirius only laughed harder, “I knew it!”

Lily fixed him with a warning stare, her control of the information rapidly slipping. “You cannot tell him, Sirius, you can _ not!” _

“But-!”

“Please? I don’t even have a real reason as to why I did it yet. I was drunk as anything!”

Sirius was sceptical, “How can you not know why? All evidence points to you not wanting James to get off with other girls; I think it’s pretty obvious.”

“There are other factors involved,” Lily sniffed, her stomach recoiling at the thought of James pulling other girls close to him like he did her, and worse,  _ James _ enjoying it. Merlin, what if he would be annoyed that she’d interfered?  _ Well, sod that, because he never cared if I was annoyed when he put off every single one of my dates last year.  _

“All right, all right, don’t stress,” Sirius relented, his laughter petering off when he realised Lily’s distress. “I won’t say anything.”

Lily glanced back at him suspiciously, “You promise?”

“I solemnly swear.”

“He says that,” Lily commented, like saying James’ name out loud would reveal her secrets.

Sirius smirked, “It’s a thing.”

“You have a lot of  _ things _ ,” said Lily.

Sirius hummed in amusement. “Would you swear  _ me  _ something?”

Instantly wary, she pursed her lips, “Okay?”

Sirius fixed her with a long look, “If your feelings or whatever  _ are _ changing for him, swear you’ll give those feelings a chance.”

Lily’s heart did a funny wriggle. Despite being called out about her swiftly evolving (and confusing) feelings, that wasn’t what snagged her attention. Sirius wasn’t cruel; he wouldn’t encourage her to make a fool out of herself like that.

“Does that even matter to him anymore?” Lily heard herself ask.

Just for a moment, Sirius’ eyebrows flicked up and his eyes widened – he was not expecting that question.

“You’re Lily Evans,” He said, just like James had done in the cupboard, like it was the most painfully obvious thing in the world.

“Sirius,” Lily scoffed. “Seriously.”

“If I can’t tell him your secrets, Evans, I won’t tell you his,” Sirius winked. He pored over his textbook with utter focus – or rather, he began ignoring her. 

Truthfully, he wouldn’t have brought up what he’d noticed at the party, but when he heard that she’d been asking James about other girls he couldn’t ignore it. Lily Evans was easily the smartest girl he knew, but he was surprised to find out she was just about as in control of her feelings as a dog’s paws on an iced over lake. (He had first hand experience of that.) Sirius realised that he’d been so used to James knowing exactly how he felt all the time that he was surprised when other people weren’t. And Lily wouldn’t be pushed. She was stubborn. 

And he knew she’d make an excellent addition to their team, when she was ready. 

* * *

When the Marauders bundled into the Common Room much later that night, James wasn’t surprised to see Lily curled up on the sofa, a hefty book in her lap. She’d changed into her pyjamas, dressing gown and slippers, and her hair looked a little damp from washing it. She seemed ready for bed but showed no signs of moving.

She was already looking at James when he laid eyes on her. 

“All right, Evans?” James said automatically, hand in his hair before his brain caught up. 

“What the hell were you all doing out?” She assessed them all with a frank look. “You have been upto no good, I can tell. Under your  _ family heirloom  _ no doubt?” 

“Our trousers were on!” bleated Peter in panic.

Lily’s eyebrows rose and she laughed. “Thank Merlin.”

“Are you waiting up to tell us off?” Sirius asked suspiciously as they gathered by the sofa.

Lily rolled her eyes, “No, my life doesn’t revolve around you.”

“Now you’re just being mean,” James told her, and when she glanced at him with a scoff he only winked. 

“Are you off to bed soon, Lily?” Remus asked lightly, but the concern was obvious to James. He was yet again grateful for their friendship. 

She waved him off, however. “Soon. Night, vagrants.”

The boys shared a conspiratorial look amongst them as they trailed upstairs that Lily completely missed, her nose back in her book. Perhaps if she’d seen it she wouldn’t have squealed in shock when they all launched themselves onto the sofa ten minutes later. 

“ _ Oof -  _ Wormtail _!” _

“You’re on my hand-”

“Well, you elbowed me in the nose-”

Lily, now pressed against the arm of the sofa, stared open mouthed at the Marauders. 

“Um,  _ hello?  _ You bloody terrified me!” 

James, half on the floor laughing breathlessly, disentangled himself from Remus, and Lily noticed that he had changed into his pyjamas and a worn looking hoodie. They all had. 

“You didn’t think we’d leave you alone down here, did you, Evans?” James’ chuckles tailed off and genuine concern floated to the surface. 

Lily exhaled in disbelief.  _ These sodding idiots with hearts of gold _ . 

“In hindsight,” said Remus, sitting up. “It was sort of tactless to creep up on someone not sleeping after a surprise attack.”

“Yeah, that was my bad. I’m not the ideas man,” Sirius admitted. 

Lily’s shock was fading, though, and she just shook her head at all of them with a growing smile. “What are you doing?” 

James stood up from the carpet and shrugged. He settled himself into the armchair opposite. “Hanging out.” 

Lily bit her lip, “You guys don’t need to-”

“Rubbish!” Sirius declared. “I’m too wired, anyway.” 

She hesitated, taking in all of their almost hopeful faces, like lost puppies who’d turn them away like  _ she  _ wasn’t the mess. Her eyes snagged on James’, naturally, who looked the most imploring of all. Lily relented, and she snapped her book shut with a smirk. 

“What  _ were  _ you doing, anyway?” 

Peter sighed, “Sirius wanted to prank the Slytherins but they’re so going to know it was us.” 

“And?” Sirius countered. “I think a little red paint hardly covers their debts.”

Lily let out a dramatic groan, “ _ Red  _ paint? Oh, you’re going down.”

“Wait a minute, Evans,” James said. “I’m starting to get the idea that you don’t think we’re extremely clever.”

Lily chewed her cheek as she fixed James with as much of a poker face as she could manage, “I think that you’re extremely  _ something.”  _

His hazel eyes glimmered, “We’ll take it.” 

“We’ll take polish down to the trophy room when we inevitably get detention,” Remus lamented. 

Lily reached around Sirius and patted Remus’ shoulder, “I’d bail you out, Remus.”

He grinned appreciatively as the other three whined about her playing favourites and Lily couldn’t believe how much her mind had quieted in just a few minutes of their mad company. 

“Do the girls know you’re down here?” Asked Peter. 

Lily shook her head, pressing her lips together. “No, they’re asleep. Nobody was meant to. I’m just… dealing with things in my own way.”

Remus’ eyes softened, “I’ve had weeks like this one you’re having, Lily.” She glanced at him, thinking of how often the shadows under his eyes deepened, and his smile seemed to take effort. “You know what makes it better?”

“What?” Lily asked, knowing the answer. 

Remus’ mouth quirked and he gestured at James, Sirius and Peter. “These lot.” 

Sirius sniffed theatrically, “Did you bring the tissues, Prongs?” 

“Just use my jumper,” James tapped his heart, dramatically touched. 

Lily laughed. “I get it,” She told Remus. “I just don’t want to stress them out. Alice cares so much, and Mary worries about  _ everything,  _ then Mar shoulders Mary’s worry because she finds it easier than dealing with any of her own.”

“They’d want to know you’re down here,” James said gently, so easily catching her in his warm stare. 

“Yeah, and now you’re lumbered with us,” Sirius nudged her. 

“And you’d hate to be in our cult,” James added cheekily, echoing her words from last night. 

Lily rolled her eyes. “You can honestly go up to bed. I won’t stay long.”

“Okay, so we’ll stay, too,” James said simply, reclining further into the armchair.

“Right, who wants to play Exploding Snap?” Sirius asked. 

“Me, I need justice for last time,” Peter said eagerly.

Remus snorted, “Please, I can wipe the floor with both of you.” 

“Let’s fucking go! I can go all night!” 

They were asleep twenty minutes later. 

“Is this Sirius’ definition of ‘wired’?” Lily asked in a low, amused voice. 

James chuckled at their passed out forms fondly before his eyes danced back to hers. 

“Thank you for staying up with me,” she said quickly, before anything stupid could come out. 

The corner of James’ mouth lifted and he got up out of his armchair to fall into the gap between Lily and a sleeping Sirius, the former determined not to look at him this close. He was sinfully cosy and soft in his pyjamas, and his warmth leaked into her like bath water. Lily folded her hands into her jumper to curb temptation, as images of curling up into him flooded her mind. 

She’d come to this - physically restraining herself. It’d be attaching herself to the wall using a sticking charm next. 

“We care about you,” James said casually, completely unaware. 

“I know. You’re a good friend.” Lily hoped her voice didn’t stumble on the word, because it was true. Beneath the pull and spark of James, was a steady, loyal person. One that Lily found she trusted easily. “I mean that. James, nobody else would be my friend after… everything.” 

“As we’re friends,” James repeated slowly. He tilted his head as he looked at her. “Tell me something nobody else knows.”

Lily’s mind leapt to the smallest corner of her mind, to the place she didn’t dare to observe too closely at during daylight hours.

“What?”

James was deadly serious. And as much as he loved watching her squirm, he felt strangely strongly about it. They had both agreed barely three weeks ago that neither of them was very good at being casual about anything, and James meant it. He’d always had fancied Lily, that was as natural to him as breathing. But getting to know her, really knowing her, was like a drug to James. Now that he saw so much more of Lily and her mind and her little quirks, he couldn’t get enough. He fancied her a lot bloody more and in new ways, too, if that was even possible.

James let out a small laugh at her face – wide eyed like a doe.

“Come on, Evans,” He said, and leaned forward to tap her temple, the spot where he’d kissed her a few hours earlier. “Give me something from here.”

Lily swivelled to face him, back pressed against the arm of the sofa. She gathered her knees to her chest, and bit her cheek. She levelled her gaze to his after a moment. “A trade?”

A grin lit up James’ face in the dim light, and Lily thought it was unfairly gorgeous. He gestured to Lily with a sweep of his hand, “Ladies first.”

“A really convenient time to gain some manners,” Lily rolled her eyes.

“Age before beauty?” He suggested instead and she scoffed.

“It’s two months difference, you cheeky sod!”

“Are you evading?”

“Shut up. I’m thinking.”

“Mmhm,” James hummed as he leaned back and rested his forearms on his arms.

Lily watched him carefully and he didn’t break her gaze, like moving too quickly would alarm her. She was sifting through her thoughts, her secrets, wondering what on earth she could tell him. Weirdly enough, she did want to tell him something. Merlin, what was it about those eyes that always looked flecked with near laughter, that made her feel jumpy and relaxed all at once? He was so lovely right to his core – and annoying.

James watched Lily swallow and tuck her hair behind both ears before untucking it again. She was nervous, and it made him feel better because he was bloody nervous. Why did he get himself in these situations?

“All right,” said Lily. “What is said after midnight stays between us.”

“I solemnly swear,” James assured her.

Suddenly, Lily put her hands over her eyes. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this! You better not be looking at me.”

“When do I ever?” James asked innocently, and she kicked blindly at him in her socks. “Oof, bloody hell, all right! My eyes are closed.” They were definitely staying open.

Ten seconds passed. 

“Something I’ve never told anyone…” Lily said from behind the safety of her eyelids. “Although I didn’t exactly appreciate it, I… have always liked how you wear your heart on your sleeve. You’re like an open book, and it’s actually pretty brave and I guess I wish I had some of that.” Lily spoke in one exhale, leaving James stunned and his first thought being,  _ if I were truly an open book I’d kiss you right now. I’d have kissed you weeks ago.  _

Lily giggled in disbelief and it jarred him into life. His hand jumped to his hair and he blew out a breath. 

“You are always surprising me, Lily Evans,” He admitted, but her words were sinking in and crackling warmth spread through his veins. Lily shrugged, pleased now that she’d said it and he’d gotten that look on his face. 

“Your turn,” Lily announced, tone wavering. “Come on, I dare you to tell me something that would shatter your reputation.”

James leaned his head back and gazed at the ceiling with a smile pulling his lips. “My reputation as a hard working, helpful academic?”

Lily scoffed, quite enjoying the ability to stare at his jaw whilst he wasn’t looking. “I’m sure that’s what you tell your  _ mother _ , Potter.” 

“Oh, I think that ship has sailed. Too many letters sent home about my grand achievements.”

“Usually known as vandalism,” she snarked. 

James dropped his gaze back down, and Lily’s eyes jumped guiltily to his all too knowing hazel ones. 

“Dancing lessons,” He said finally, grimacing. “My mum made me take dancing lessons during the summer after first and second year. Ballroom and stuff.” 

A giggle bubbled up Lily’s throat, and she fought to stifle it with the three sleeping boys nearby. Oh, that was excellent. That image alone would be enough to conjure up a corporeal patronus. Little James, annoyed spinning around a dance hall just to please his mother. 

“Are you  _ laughing _ at me?” James demanded in a scandalised whisper, his teeth glinting as he couldn’t help his own grin at her reaction. Lily shook her head innocently, but she clamped her lips together. “You  _ are _ . That is unacceptable, I am being very  _ vulnerable,  _ Evans-”

James reached down and pinched her side as punishment. Lily twisted out of his way, stuffing her sleeve over her mouth so as not to wake the others with a shriek of laughter. The sudden movement shifted her back next to him, and James used the opportunity to pull her legs halfway onto his lap which effectively pulled her whole body into his side. Lily’s body seized up for a heartbeat, but her sensible side was destined to lose when she let her head rest on his shoulder delicately; it was just so much better than tossing and turning in her four-poster alone. James nearly sighed in relief when she didn’t move away, and curled his hand around her calf, calloused skin burning through tartan pyjama trousers. Lily felt every rise and fall of his chest and she counted her breaths in time with his, staring at the empty hearth. 

It was a reprieve from the laced glances that felt a little too real in the lamplight of the Common Room, with Sirius, Remus and Peter mere feet away. Besides, that wasn’t why James had moved. He just wanted to be near her.

“Are you okay?” James nudged her.

“Yes.”

“Are you lying?”

Lily considered him, “Yes.” James hummed like he knew it, and she had no idea whether to hate how good he was at reading her or just be grateful she didn’t have to pretend. The latter, fortunately, won. “I don’t want to think about it because I don’t want to cry about it,” she said honestly into the dimness. “A single tear would be a victory for them.”

“That’s not true, Lily. They hurt you,” James’ throat tightened and he swallowed forcefully. “You can react however you want to.”

Lily shifted, “I heard you were angry.”

James exhaled slowly before nodding, knowing he could hardly deny it. “I need to keep reminding myself that you’re okay.”

Lily let her mind dance over his trip up of words for the smallest of moments before it overwhelmed her. Her precious brain capacity for stewing over the boy next to her was being bombarded by fear and anger over the incident. She didn’t want her head to explode just now.

“Seeing as you’re here, you can distract me,” Lily’s eyes widened as she heard it aloud. “I mean, you can talk about something else.”

James huffed a laugh under his breath, but he didn’t tease her - she must really sound pitiful. 

“All right,” James laughed and dropped his head back. He settled on, “Did we really watch Moony kiss Ruby Greengrass?” Lily’s body shook with surprised laughter, and she covered her mouth as her face rolled slightly into him.

“I mean, it was… she was enthusiastic, I’ll give her that,” James continued, grinning at the sound.

“She told me she has a muggle boyfriend,” Lily whispered between giggles.

James scoffed, “Who can compare to Remus?”

“That’s a very good point,” Lily agreed. “Ruby’s extroversion could be very compatible with his whole mellow thing.”

“They’d have very tall children.”

“Young models.”

James wrinkled his nose, “In Witch Weekly? Remus would hate that.”

Lily wiggled her fingers in delight, “Oh, but Ruby would love it.”

“And boys are helpless against a girl’s whims,” James jiggled his leg to disturb Lily’s playfully.

Lily pouted, “Poor, unfortunate creatures.”

“You don’t sound remotely sorry,” James told her, and she began to laugh again. Then she didn’t stop because she was suddenly afraid, afraid that this moment of happiness would be gone soon and she’d have to run from her own mind again, and the quiet that encouraged whispered fears she’d never be left alone because of her blood. Her stupid blood that wasn’t her fault. 

Every night, whether it was rational or not, Lily was waiting for Snape and the horrible friends he’d chosen to burst through the doors for round two. 

When the shakes of laughter turned into silent tears, James pulled his arm from beside her to snake it’s way under her shoulders. He pulled her into his him like it was nothing, and Lily buried her face in his chest like she’d done so a thousand times. 

“It’s alright. I’ve got you,” was all he whispered into her hair, but it made her cry harder. 

His jumper muffled her sobs, which prevented the others from waking, and Lily lay wrapped in James’ arms until her breathing slowed and her eyes fell closed. Until she wasn’t scared anymore.

* * *

_ Friday 5th November 1976 _

“Psst! Hey! Wake up!” A thump. 

Marlene didn’t know whether to laugh or shout at what she’d come downstairs to thirty seconds ago. Both options would likely alert the whole of Gryffindor tower that the Quidditch captain was out cold on the sofa with her best friend curled into him, arm cinched around his waist. 

“Open your eyes, idiots!” Marlene hissed. 

Lily made a noise of sleepy protest and burrowed further into the toastiness of —

She sat bolt upright. Lily squinted at James beside her, rubbing his eyes in the sunlight of dawn. 

“Shit! James, move, get  _ up!”  _ She smacked his arm like a woodpecker, until she saw the hazel of his irises. Lily wished she had longer to appreciate the sleep-mussed James before her, still blinking blearily. She jumped off the sofa before he could properly focus - she bet she didn’t look half as good as he did. 

James rubbed his eyes, narrowing in on the two figures staring at him. Marlene, grinning like the Cheshire Cat and Lily, hands smoothing her hair down and looking appropriately scandalised. 

“This is nice, the three of us should hang out more,” James joked drily in a husky, barely-awake voice that Lily desperately willed herself not to respond to. 

She whirled to Marlene instead, eyes pleading. “I meant to come back up, I swear. I left a note in case you woke up in the night - did you see it?” 

Marlene held up a neatly folded piece of parchment, “ _ I haven’t been kidnapped. I’m downstairs.”  _ She read with a smirk, looking pointedly at James. “I’m not convinced you weren’t kidnapped.” 

“The others are here!” James protested, stretching his arms and realising they had disappeared. His mates likely had woken up in the night and gone back up to the warmth of the dormitory. It was bloody draughty in here without the fire… yet he and Lily had somehow slept through the night. 

Lily was torn between panic and laughter as he stood up - he’d basically been harassed awake. 

“You should go upstairs, James,” she suggested with a meaningful stare. She hoped he knew she was just awkward, not aloof. “Thanks for… you know.” 

James only nodded, reading the softness of her gaze. He forced down the words that he knew she’d bludgeon him for saying at sunrise on a Friday in front of Marlene.  _ You are insanely gorgeous in the morning  _ and a bunch of jokes about sleeping together among them. 

“I can take a hint,” James held his hands up in surrender. 

Marlene folded her arms and snorted, “Since when?” 

James touched a hand to his chest, “You’re always so fun in the morning, McKinnon.”

Marlene grimaced, “Don’t. I didn’t plan to be here for this moment either.” 

“I get it,” James strode over and enveloped her in a bear hug. “You feel left out.”

Marlene made noises of protest that sounded like a drowning victim’s last cries, and Lily couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Get off me!” Marlene demanded and James let go, delighted grin in place. 

She pulled a face, “You’ve got a real spring in your step, don’t you? Nauseating,” Marlene shook her head. 

James flipped his finger up at her as he backed away, eyes moving to linger on Lily. He rumpled his hair like he’d just decided to be self-conscious. Or his brain had finally woken up. 

“Good morning,” He said to her, smile tugging at his lips. Lily chewed her cheek so as not to grin like an idiot in front of Marlene and lose all credibility. He winked before disappearing up the spiral stairs. 

There was a beat of silence before Lily exhaled loudly. “Shit.” 

“Yep,” Marlene agreed, barely holding in a laugh. “Breakfast?” 

* * *

“I didn’t even know they served food this early.”

Lily and Marlene sat at a mostly deserted Gryffindor table twenty minutes later. It was barely seven o’clock and usually Lily was dead to the world at that time of day. Getting showered and changed felt like a complete blur, her mind whirring with thoughts of every single James infused moment like food in a blender. 

Waking up clinging to him for dear life? Check. 

Pathetically really enjoying it and already missing it?  _ Check.  _

“It’s always pretty empty this time of day,” Marlene nudged Lily. “It probably means nobody saw you in the Common Room either.”

Lily groaned at the reminder of other people existing, “Thank Merlin.”

“If you say you didn’t snog his face off, I totally believe you.” Marlene paused, and her eyes glinted. “I think.”

“We fell  _ asleep!”  _ Lily let out a pathetic whining noise and Marlene cackled. 

“I guessed you weren’t getting a lot of shut-eye. You were starting to look like crap - and I say that with love.”

“Oh, thanks.”

“With  _ love.” _

Lily spread butter on her toast with more ferocity than necessary. “Mar, you’ve known James forever. He’s kind of… calming. I can’t explain it. I mean, usually, how laid back he is drives me insane. He’s practically horizontal.”

Marlene snorted in appreciation. She bit her lip thoughtfully, “He’s unwavering. I get that.” 

“Exactly!” 

“You still wouldn’t find me doing  _ that _ with him, though.” Marlene grinned self-indulgently as she bit into her banana. 

“I _ know _ . What’s happening to me?” She blew out a breath. “To top it all off I am refreshed as hell and it’s annoying.” 

Marlene tossed her banana skin into a plate and turned to look directly at Lily, who certainly didn’t  _ look  _ annoyed. Her lips seemed to be holding back a permanent, secretive smile. 

“No bullshit, Lily. You and James have a spark, you  _ always  _ have. Up until a few months ago, that spark kept blowing up in your face because you were determined that there would be no fire. Now, here you are, dare I say tending to the flames.” Lily narrowed her eyes and Marlene shrugged. “You might start to feel a little warm, that’s all I’m saying.”

Lily thought ‘a little warm’ might have been an understatement, but she didn’t bother voicing that. Her stomach curled. 

“You’re confused,” Marlene said matter-of-factly. She pointed a finger at her own face. “You don’t have to tell  _ me  _ about being confused.” 

Lily glanced at the blonde, momentarily jerked out of her shame spiral. It was a window if she’d ever seen one. 

“Marlene, can I ask you something?” She ventured. 

“Yeah, sure.”

“I’m so happy that you came out to me…” Lily’s voice was gentle as Marlene’s eyes flickered, but no one was nearby. Perhaps Lily should leave it alone, but not sleeping came with the perk of obsessively worrying over your best friend and one of the most integral relationships in her life. She took a breath, “But why wouldn’t you tell Mary?”

Marlene’s face burned, and she immediately glanced down at her laced fingers. She wanted to lie. Embarrassment, guilt and shame crept up her throat. 

“I haven’t told Alice, either,” she replied in a strange, imbalanced voice. 

Lily closed her eyes briefly. Those five words felt like confirmation, and for a split second, she swore she could feel the burden that Marlene had been carrying rock through her. 

“Marlene.”

Marlene knew the truth was written all over her face because Lily looked like she’d been smacked over the head with a frying pan. 

“This is-!” 

“Terrible.”

“But…”

Marlene smiled grimly at her friend. She really was determined on everyone else’s behalf. “Trust me. Terrible.”

Lily exhaled, “Does it have to be? I mean... are we sure that she’s not-”

Marlene shook her head sharply, “No, Lil.” A bitter laugh escaped her, “You know Mary. She’s looking for a knight in shining armour.”

Lily couldn’t imagine what it would be like for Marlene to listen to Mary’s latest obsession every damn day. All the anger, all of the disdain - it made complete sense. Lily’s mind wanted to race back over time and analyse everything, she wanted to tell Marlene she was wrong about Mary. But she couldn’t. 

“Okay, no Mary,” Lily agreed, but even she sounded disheartened. 

Marlene chewed her lip, turning back to her breakfast. “Mary’s the reason why Lucy got mad at the party,” she admitted. Purging the truth felt like a good idea. 

Lily raised her eyebrows. “Seriously?”

“Stupid bloody spin the bottle. I’ll kill Sirius, honestly.”

“But you didn’t kiss Mary!” Lily said, suddenly panicking that she’d missed it whilst in the cupboard with James and  _ no shit, I want to kiss you.  _

Marlene’s skin tinged pink, and Lily actually raised her eyebrows at the sight. 

“Of course I didn’t. Ironically, that was the problem,” Marlene groaned. At Lily’s puzzled face, she decided she owed her an explanation. “Right after you spun and it landed on James, you handed me the bottle. I spun it straightaway, hoping to deflect some of the attention on you! But… only Lucy paid attention, and it landed on Mary.” 

“So?”

Marlene grimaced. “So, I freaked out and pretended it didn’t happen. And there you were,  _ also  _ freaking out, and that’s when I suggested that you and James go into the broom cupboard. I’m so sorry about that, I just wanted to place focus on anything but spinning on Mary.”

Lily’s mouth dropped open. “I knew that was weird!” She couldn’t bring herself to be mad at Marlene for doing so. Even with James having said nothing about it, Lily didn’t regret going in there. At the end of the day, that broom cupboard encounter led to the hugs and hand holding and sleeping on the sofa. 

“That doesn’t matter,” Lily assured her. “But I still don’t understand how that made Lucy angry?”

Marlene spread her hands out. “She watched me refuse to kiss Mary in a dumb game, and then sell you out to cover it up. I lost my cool and she put two and two together.” 

Lily’s face bloomed in understanding, “Plus, you’re a total dick to Benjy. That makes a lot of sense now.” 

“Thanks, Detective Evans.”

Lily’s shoulders fell, “I’m sorry. For the record, I think it’s unfair of her to hold a grudge like that. You actively  _ didn’t  _ kiss her.”

Marlene hummed, her face softening as she watched Lily defend her, and talk about her drama with girls like they’d done it forever. She hated how much she wished that Mary was there to chime in when it was utterly impossible. The  _ one  _ topic on earth that Mary couldn’t gossip about. 

“You have to promise me,” Marlene’s blue eyes bored into Lily’s. “You can’t ever tell Mary. It would ruin everything.”

Lily swallowed. “I solemnly swear.”

She squeezed her a hand again when she realised they were both hopelessly terrified of their own feelings. 

* * *

The last lesson of the day was a particularly gruelling double Potions. James found himself contending with an extremely intricate recipe and two kinds of entirely different burning stares. The first was Snape, seated nearby on his stool and glowering but not daring to speak. The second, and likely the  _ reason  _ for the first, was Lily. She was sitting at the table she shared with Sirius, Remus and Peter, her left side facing him. Halfway through the lesson, she’d crossed one leg over the other and was conveniently angled toward him. Since then, she’d tossed him quick, two second glances every five or so minutes. They were casual, but laced with enough shared knowledge of what it felt like to fall asleep with one another. James was just fucking glad she’d  _ slept,  _ and seemed better all day for it.  _ This  _ was an added bonus. 

“Oh, James, it should be purple by now,” Alice said forlornly, peering into his cauldron. 

“Ah, shit,” James chucked in his crushed beetles, but the damage was done. 

Marlene sniggered and Mary was smiling dolefully at him, so he knew they’d noticed his complete lack of attention. 

At the end of the lesson, James hadn’t been able to salvage his potion and Slughorn looked despairingly on as his friends shook with silent laughter. 

Marlene whispered when he’d gone, “I think your invite to the Slug Club Christmas party might get lost in the post.” 

“Gatecrashing will be much more fun, anyway,” He shot back. 

“I realise that it’s four thirty in the afternoon, but my pyjamas are calling me,” Mary yawned, pulling her bag together. 

Sirius’ booming voice reached them.

“Not so fast! Did you know it’s Bonfire Night? It’s a little muggle holiday I learned about in Muggle studies.”

“I don’t even know what it is,” Alice said curiously. 

Mary and Lily, with their muggle heritage, exchanged wary looks. “What business have you got with Bonfire Night?”

Sirius gave a hearty laugh, “My  _ darling,  _ it’s a day all about a man who failed miserably to blow up the muggle government and there’s a ton of fireworks involved. It resonates with me.” 

James grinned appreciatively and Lily raised an artful eyebrow at him. He winked before turning back to Sirius. 

“What are you proposing, Padfoot?” 

“ _ No  _ fireworks,” Lily cut in. “I like my eyebrows un-singed and my mates not in a month’s detention.” 

Mary’s eyes went round in alarm and she touched her hair protectively. 

“Calm down, Evans, Billy told me about a group who’ve already got the stuff, they just need some Marauder expertise,” Sirius explained proudly. 

“My brother’s a smuggler now? I am so proud,” Marlene deadpanned. 

“Will you lot just come to the boathouse?” Sirius made a sweeping gesture out of the dungeon classroom, clearly disappointed in their lack of eagerness. 

James snorted, “Oh, we’re going,” he said, and shot a pointed look at the rest of the group. 

They all departed with various mumbling and laughter. After assuring Sirius that he’d be helping, James fell back to walk with Lily, who bit down on a pleased smile. 

“What do you want?” She said instead. 

“I think a better question would be, what do  _ you  _ want?” James bumped her gently. “Stare much?” 

Lily’s cheeks tinged pink as she glanced quickly up at him, but she refused to be embarrassed. She was  _ owed  _ some staring time. So, pushing back on her nerves, Lily shrugged, “Ruin your potion much?” 

The response was the right one, because James’ eyes glinted when she didn’t deny it. He held out his hands without an ounce of regret, “I know my priorities.” 

When his gaze unmistakably dropped to her mouth for a heartbeat, it was a miracle that Lily put one foot in front of the other. He was insane. She’d cried on him like a wreck barely twenty four hours ago, enough to leave an actual damp patch on his hoodie; it was not a pretty or delicate sight at all. But somehow when he looked at her, Lily felt like a million galleons. If somebody had poured petrol over those galleons and set them alight. 

Fully aware of the amount of students surrounding them, Lily shoved him with her side. James was quick as a whip when he pulled her to him using one hand on her hip for a blistering second. Lily’s face burned, from the contact and the several eyes she caught passing by, noting the gesture. She couldn’t even be sure he’d let go, because he left a phantom grip on her hip that tingled in response. She wouldn’t have even registered Snape blustering past her, cloak flying behind him, if James’ face hadn’t slid from warm to sharp focus. 

Only then she realised she hadn’t felt tense in Snape’s presence at all. She’d been too busy staring at James.  _ That  _ was a new one. 

After descending the hundreds of steps down to the boathouse, the wind had picked up and they were all pulling their cloaks around them firmly as they approached the water of the lake. 

“It’s freezing!” Mary complained. 

Remus nodded in grim agreement, hands curled firmly in his pockets. The sun had already dipped in the sky, and soon it would be dark. 

“Bloody Scottish winters,” Marlene mumbled, squinting at the sight of her brother and his friends bent over a wooden crate. 

James and Sirius didn’t seem bothered by their near hypothermic state, the temptation of brand new toys far more interesting. A handful of other people had gathered by the time they and the Seventh Years had done setting up, all huddled together in their groups. Lily noticed one of the Hufflepuff girls - Sirius had called her Bryce - that she’d warded off James at the party with a spike of shame. In retrospect, she might not even have had the slightest interest in him. 

_ No, you just assumed that she did because -  _ she glanced at him attempting to trip Sirius into the icy water -  _ well, because you think even that is endearing now.  _

Remus sidled up to Lily and linked their arms together. “You’re shivering.”

Lily squeezed his arm gratefully, looking out onto the lake. “I feel like we’re babysitting.”

“You’re doing an excellent job,” He smirked. “If they survive this without losing a limb, I’ll promote you.”

Lily snorted. She glanced up at him, “It was sweet of you to stay up yesterday, Remus.”

“As long as you’re feeling better. Although I’m not sure if it was really  _ me  _ who helped you…” Remus’ face was completely innocent as he stared on at James and Lily’s jaw dropped. Remus peaked at her and his face crumbled into a small laugh. “I’m sorry! It’s only that when we woke up around two a.m. you seemed quite, er, comfortable.”

Lily scowled. “You can’t blame me for how I sleep, I was, well,  _ asleep!”  _

Remus laughed harder, and shook his head. “It was cute.” 

“ _ Cute?”  _

Lily’s voice carried over to James by the water and he smiled at no one in particular as he used his wand to push the first firework out onto the rippling water. 

“Here we go!” Billy rubbed his hands together in excitement next to him, Sirius on his other side. “Thanks lads. And thanks, Sirius, for getting my sister here.”

James looked up in surprise. “Is this for Marlene?”

“It was Archie who sent the fireworks,” Billy shrugged, looking slightly awkward. Archibald, their older brother. “She hates being the youngest. Thinks we all baby her, so she doesn’t like a fuss. But she scared the crap out of me last weekend. I just thought it might cheer her up.”

James blew out a breath and nodded. Everyone, it seemed, was more shaken than they were letting on. He clapped Billy on the shoulder, “Light them up.”

With a flick of his wand, the first rocket shot into the air, blue and red streaks shooting like ribbons above the lake. 

A cheer went up behind them, the shivering students revived by the display. James and Sirius jogged back to their friends. The latter threw his arm around Marlene, who grinned up at the explosions of light in the darkening sky in wonder. Remus shot James a knowing smile as he released himself from Lily’s linked arm to stand with Alice. 

Lily took a moment to tear her eyes away from the sky to notice James watching her. 

“Cold?” He said. 

Because she was a fool, Lily nodded and was rewarded with his arm dropping around her shoulders. She nestled into the warmth that he possessed, even now. As she stared up at the forks of brightly coloured lightning sailing high above the boathouse, Lily smiled freely. Somewhere miles away, her parents and her sister were watching fireworks, too. Often, on muggle holidays she thought about how much she missed at home, how many moments she’d lost with them. But today was a little different. She knew she’d rather be right here than anywhere else. 

“This is fucking brilliant!” Marlene laughed, and Lily watched her accept Mary’s delicate fingers linking with hers without a second thought. Marlene didn’t even notice that Mary’s smile doubled in strength when she did so. Even if Mary couldn’t love her like that, they still shared a bond stronger than most people would ever experience. Marlene would rather be tormented by her own feelings than without Mary at all. 

Lily swallowed and brought her hand up to cover the one dangled over her shoulder before she could deliberate too much about it. James’ fingers flexed in surprise before curling under her palm. 

“She’s right,” Lily said to him. “It is fucking brilliant.”

James chuckled warmly just as a shout went up. They snapped their heads to the source - Billy waving his arms like a madman. 

“What?” Sirius shouted. 

A word was being passed through the crowd like a hot cake, until the Gryffindors finally caught it. 

“ _ Professor!”  _

“Teachers are coming,” Remus confirmed quickly, nodding to the other three boys. 

Sirius laughed in delight, “That’s our cue!” 

He zipped through the crowd, pulling along Marlene and Mary, Remus beckoning at Peter as he linked arms with Alice to direct her. 

“We can’t make it up there before they get here!” Lily exclaimed. 

“Have a little faith,” James said with his lopsided troublemaker smile that had her stomach jolting even in the face of a month’s detention. “Come along, Evans.” 

James didn’t look nearly as fraught as Lily when he smoothly caught his hand in hers to pull her up the stone steps two at a time. 

“You’re enjoying this!” Lily breathed hard. 

James smirked as his Quidditch training helped him keep pace. “Never!” 

“Junkie,” Lily accused. It was all she could manage as they approached the courtyard and began a full pelt sprint, to a backdrop of scarlet and gold fireworks. 

Two minutes later, safely back within the castle and away from the crowd, Sirius barked the all clear and they all skidded to a halt. James, so abruptly, that Lily nearly slammed into him had he not caught her to him. He was laughing breathlessly as his hands planted firmly on her hips to hold her steady. Lily couldn’t help but join in, unable to speak from exertion. Her hands still shook from the sudden adrenaline and she let her forehead fall onto James’ chest with a thud. His rumbling laughter went through her like an electric shock and she didn’t complain when he wrapped his arms around her to hug her to him. 

“Have we killed Lily?” She heard Remus ask. 

“I think so,” said James, tightening his grip and swaying her slightly. 

“You said you didn’t want us in detention!” Sirius reminded her gleefully. 

Lily shifted to look at him through narrowed eyes, still pressed against James and reluctant to move away. 

“Hey… James!” 

The voice didn’t belong to any of her friends, and Lily lifted her head to see who the newcomer was. She frowned. 

Bryce, the Hufflepuff.  _ Again.  _ Merlin, that girl followed Lily like a bad dream. She approached them with a jog, waving awkwardly at the whole group before stopping before James. Bryce’s eyes flitted between him and Lily, who he had yet to let go. Lily pulled back but he only dropped one arm, the other resolutely pinning her to his side.

“Oh, hey, Bryce,” he said pleasantly. 

She smiled with so many fluttered blinks that Lily wondered if she’d got a handful of sand in her eyes. Bryce held up a ragged quill. “You dropped this back there.” 

Lily stared at it. The half-bald quill was hardly worth returning. 

“Shit, thanks,” James stuffed the quill in his pocket. 

“No worries,” Bryce nodded. Her gaze went around the group, pretending not to listen in. “Okay, then. Bye!”

“See you,” James smiled, his fingers curling into Lily’s waist as she did so. 

Sirius shot her a winning smile, “Later, Bryce!” 

She disappeared back around the corner, and Marlene scoffed, “ _ Later, Bryce!”  _ She mimicked Sirius. “So predictable.”

“It’s all I’m allowed to say!” Sirius sighed. “Pete called dibs.”

Alice wrinkled her nose, “You can’t call dibs on a person.” 

Peter’s cheeks were red with embarrassment, “You have to when you’re mates with Sirius! I already lost out to James with her once,” he joked, but his laugh fell flat when he saw Lily’s face. Then James’, Sirius’ Remus’, telling him to shut up with their eyes. 

Shit.

“Ha ha,” Sirius said statically. “Yeah, like  _ a year ago.”  _

Bryce wasn’t following Lily like a bad dream at all, she was following James. Lily wasn’t just reflecting her desires in everyone else - Bryce clearly did like him. Peter had said…  _ lost out to.  _ Oh my God, James had kissed her. And Lily had cut in at the party, and in Spin the Bottle, like a drunk idiot who had any right to. 

She disentangled herself from James, and his face was unreadable as his eyes roved over hers. Lily instead glanced desperately at Marlene, Mary and Alice. She felt a bit sick. 

“Um, I need something from the library,” she said. Lily pushed past all of them to turn back the way they’d come, her feet carrying her on autopilot. 

James exhaled, confusion and frustration painted over his face as he watched her go, and looked back at his mates. 

“We’ll go with her,” Alice said. 

“If it’s all the same to you,” James said determinedly. “I’ll go.”

* * *

James caught up with Lily outside the entrance to the library, which being a Friday night, was eerily quiet. 

“Wait, Evans! Lily,” James’ jogging slowed to a stop. “I know you can hear me.”

Lily folded her arms as she turned around, “What?” She snapped.

“What?” James repeated. He gestured over his shoulder. “What was  _ that?”  _

Lily’s face steeled, and James, for the first time, couldn't let himself get distracted by how anger made her green eyes piercing. 

“It was nothing,” She insisted. Lily had had a brisk walk, half run, to clear her head. 

James scoffed, and stepped forward. “You don’t get to freak out and walk away! We’re supposed to be mates.”

“Mates!” Lily laughed bitterly, glancing at the ceiling for answers. She nodded, and stared back at him. “Exactly. We’re mates, and I’m fine. I’ll see you later.”

Lily spun on her heel and stalked into the library. James ran both hands through his hair before remembering he didn’t give up. Not with her. 

James came up behind her, “Do you want to tell me why you were fine right up until Bryce turned up?” 

Lily bristled at his words. “Bryce? She seems lovely. She’s not my problem.”

She pivoted down the Divination aisle, despite having dropped it after O.W.Ls. Honestly, Bryce  _ wasn’t  _ her problem. She was merely a reminder. Lily wasn’t stupid; she had heard about James getting with other people last year, but the two of them seemed like such a far-fetched, insane idea that she’d ignored it. Was she arrogant enough to forget that maybe he still wanted to kiss these other girls? Lily had felt so consumed by him lately, and she’d let herself. Now she felt ridiculous. 

“Am I your problem?” He asked, challenge in the set of his shoulders. 

“No, you’re never a problem!” Lily flicked her hair over her shoulders. “James Potter,  _ so friendly.”  _

“What? Evans, are you serious?”

“You’re a flirt and you’ve got with some gorgeous girls for it! And why wouldn’t you?” Lily kept her chin high despite now being so distracted by him that she was talking utter shit.

“I am not a flirt,” James countered. 

“Are, too.”

James stared at the window beyond Lily’s head, praying for sense most likely. 

His hazel eyes bore into hers. “Lily, I flirt with  _ you.” _

Lily’s breath hitched, but she refused to back down. “Try telling your fan club that.” James scoffed and pushed a hand through his hair. She continued determinedly. “You have an effect on people. And you know it.” 

Was she convincing him to kiss other people now? Just so he wouldn’t figure out he’d get over her? James  _ was _ like a human magnet. Hell, even when she was seething at him, he had always been hard to ignore. Lily had been terrified that he’d figure that out, and now she realised she still was. 

James breathed heavily, and fixed her with a stare that pinned her down. “You don’t care, is that right?”

“Congratulations, Potter.” 

“So you’re  _ not  _ annoyed that some girl I kissed like, a year ago, spoke to me just now? You’re annoyed about something else?”

“Yes!” Lily insisted, her voice wobbling. “Not everything is about you.”

“No, but I reckon this is, Evans.”

At this point, James would usually remind himself that she was finally going to tell him to leave her alone, but lately that voice had been losing. After the party, after every touch and glance and loaded question, after the way she held onto him when she slept like a fucking miracle, he just didn’t believe it. Maybe that made him an idiot who’d learned nothing in the past few months. 

Lily’s emerald eyes slid toward him once more. 

James had  _ felt _ her breath catch in the cupboard, under the cloak, and in the pub. Lily, who had never been afraid to tell him ‘no’, said that they  _ shouldn’t  _ kiss, not that she didn’t want to. And James was going round the bend replaying everything in his head, letting it build and build to give her respect and space. 

He took another step forward, and Lily nostrils flared, moving back until the back of her legs hit a chair. 

“Why can’t you admit that you wanted to kiss me in that cupboard?” He asked clearly. 

The words clanged between them, like visible objects. Lily’s chest hollowed out at the curveball. 

She scrambled to form a coherent sentence. “Oh,  _ now  _ you want to bring up last Saturday all of a sudden?”

James huffed a laugh that echoed in the silent space. “Could you for one fucking minute stop deflecting?”

She narrowed her eyes at the edge in his gaze, the set of his jaw. “Hang on, are you annoyed at  _ me _ ?” Lily’s shock was obvious. He had never even been slightly off with her. 

“You know what? A little bit.”

Lily’s jaw dropped. “This?  _ This  _ is what annoys you?”

“Apparently so.”

“How’s it feel?” Lily attempted to recover whilst reconciling that the way her body responded to his irritation might be the same thing that made him enjoy her shouting matches. “Because this is what I feel like all the damn time!” She hissed. 

James smiled at the jab, “ _ I _ still want to kiss you, that doesn’t seem to go away, so-”

Lily’s blood heated. “You’re insufferable. You’re annoyed at me but you’re still hitting on me!”

“You don’t want me to hit on anybody else!”

“You - I didn’t say that.”

_ I’d forgotten for the last few days that other people liked you, and that you could like them enough back to kiss them.  _

Lily faltered; James was so close. When had he gotten that close? 

“I don’t mind if you’re jealous, Lily. I  _ really _ don’t mind it, actually,” He said like he was coaxing her into admitting she’d eaten the last pumpkin pasty. 

“You’re so full of it,” Lily whispered, because why bother talking loudly when he was right there? 

“So are you,” James breathed. Two hands were at her waist and Lily gasped as she was pulled flush against him. Lily’s eyes dipped, and she watched her own fingers take hold of his tie like it was a fragile baby bird. 

The way her mind worked around him couldn’t be trusted. Her heart hammered a thousand miles a minute inside her rib cage and they were in the  _ library  _ for Merlin’s sake. She was angry at him. For some reason. It was an excellent reason, if she could only remember it. 

James slid his hands from her waist to the small of her back, and Lily mustered up the courage to look up at him. His eyes were as dark as she’d ever seen them as he stared at her mouth in a way that made her whole body fizz. 

James lowered his head, lips an inch above hers. 

“I’ll cut you a deal. You don’t have to  _ tell  _ me anything. But if this is going to happen, Evans,” She held her breath. “It’ll be because you want it to.” 

Lily didn’t move. She couldn’t move away from him. Lily slid her hands up his shoulders and into the hair at the nape of his neck. It would be so damn easy to close the gap and feel his lips against hers. 

“This  _ isn’t  _ happening,” Lily told him. 

A lazy, wistful smile graced his features. “I’ve been not kissing you when I want to for a lot longer than you have. You're going to lose.” 

When James pulled away, slow and lingering, Lily felt bereft. His smile was wicked and she curled her fingers into the back of the chair she leaned against to keep herself from him. 

Game on. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL. I know exactly when they’re getting it on, and it wasn’t just then. Let me have my fun!   
> Please leave a review or drop me a line on tumblr (deadlysansa)!


	12. Lily and a Multitude of Temptations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily and James are both adamant they won’t cave first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY! Thank you SO MUCH for the reviews for last chapter. You make my heart so happy. I read every single one (multiple times) to keep me going. I’m going to do your shoutouts along with next chapter because for some reason I can’t see all the names rn.   
> I have a plan for the next few chapters. I am so busy but I want to get the end of the school term up by New Year’s Eve. I’m going to be releasing shorter chapters to keep the flow up, but more frequently. We still have a Christmas Ball coming up. There is an abundance of tension and angst coming your way.   
> This is SORT OF a filler chapter, but still full of goodness, helping everything get to exactly where I want it to for maximum impact. Please let me know how you feel about that, I love feedback, and I love when you pick out your fave moments from each chapter. 
> 
> I’m on tumblr (deadlysansa) for any Qs or rants. Xx

_Friday 12th November 1976_

It had been twelve days since Lily and Marlene were attacked in the school halls. 

Seven since James had stuck Lily between a rock and a hard place, pun not intended.

She’d been doing stupendously well. Lily could almost believe that she, in fact, didn’t want to kiss James. It had been a total blip and she’d made it up. Sadly those euphoric moments lasted for about thirty second intervals until James would sit next to her or merely jog past her in the corridor and her brain only had room for what he’d said to her in the library, and how he’d pulled her against him when he said it. 

Kissing him was just the lid of a very large can of worms that had the potential to ruin her. Luckily, there was something she loved more than the idea of James, alone, in a dark enclosed space. That was beating him. 

All of the swerving out of James’ personal space and forcing herself to glare at him when he winked only served as a bonus distraction from the comments flying around the school. They varied from downright awful (blood purists) to face reddening (gossips). The rumours all shared one thing in common, however: Lily. Now that the shock of an attack had worn off, people were realising that they hadn’t yet analysed something else that happened that night - James and Lily being in a broom cupboard for two full minutes. 

Potter and Evans actually went in the cupboard! What did they do in there? 

Honestly, if Lily knew what the hell she’d been thinking for those all encompassing one hundred and twenty seconds, she’d tell them. She’d write it out and plaster it on the walls. All she knew was that he had now almost kissed her twice and an alarmingly strong part of her wanted him to just get on with it, but now he swore he wouldn’t. Until she did. And she was not. 

_Not not not not not not not not not not not_ was Lily’s equivalent of bedtime prayers. 

Lily scratched out the sentence she’d just written. She always wrote utter rubbish when her mind drifted to James. 

“Just what did that parchment ever do to you?” 

James dropped into the chair opposite her in the Common Room and Lily jumped out of her skin. 

“Merlin!” Had she summoned him? Not even her thoughts were safe anymore. 

James grinned, “You can just call me James.”

“Very funny, you prat,” Lily tutted, allowing herself a stolen glance at his warm eyes. They glittered as they focussed on the dark lines of ink drawn harshly through the words of her essay. 

“I hope you weren’t pretending that was me.”

“I was. It’s very therapeutic.” Lily said smartly, even as her foot began tapping under the table with nerves or excitement. 

“Well, if it’s relaxation you’re after…” James shot back, quick as a whip with a devilish smile. 

Lily’s eyes were furious as he glanced at her mouth like that was just allowed. 

“Nope,” Lily informed him tightly. “I’m all good.”

“Really?” James stretched leisurely. “Because I can’t help but feel like you’re holding something back lately - oof! That was heavy, Evans.”

He caught Lily’s textbook against his chest and she shot him a pleasant smile. “Don’t you have any hobbies you could be doing?”

James held her stare, mouth tugging at the sides, and Lily felt the muscle twitch in her cheek. His hair was looking delightfully awry, like he’d been ruffling it before he sat down. The muscle persisted, willing her to smile, because he definitely had been ruffling it. Merlin, being mad at him was exhausting. How had she ever done it round the clock? Nobody gave her enough props for that, really. 

James flipped open his bag and pulled out a folded napkin, placing it on the table before her. 

“I just came to give you some sustenance from the kitchens, but then you physically assaulted me.”

Lily unfolded the napkin suspiciously. “You’ve already given it to me,” she pointed out. 

“I’m a sucker.”

It was a real effort not to smirk at that. He could be so weirdly blunt that had her seriously hoping he meant what he said. She was the bloody sucker. 

Inside the mini parcel were small samples of her favourite Hogwarts puddings. They had been scooped up together in true James fashion - a total mess. But he had probably asked for these. Her pulse skipped happily. 

Lily flicked her eyes up to where he was watching, always watching. If she were anybody else, now would be a good time to lean over and kiss him. Instead, she clamped her lips together in a smile just for him, and felt her cheeks colour. 

“Sweet idiot,” Lily told him.

It scrambled her brain that the same James who decided to bring her deserts for no reason was the same one who pulled her against him in the library. But it made her heart beat a little faster. 

Damn it.

Lily put the napkin carefully in her bag. She paused, looked back up at James and said, “Still not kissing you.”

The word itself seemed to catch flame in her throat, and James eyebrows shifting upwards were the only thing that betrayed his surprise. 

“Well, I’m busy right now, anyway,” He said cheekily, and stood up. 

Lily did her best to ignore the butterflies having speed races in her stomach and served him a flat stare. “It’s Friday night. What the hell are you doing?”

“Lads night, I’m afraid,” James told her mournfully.

Lily sighed, “Good Merlin, so you’ll have detention for the next month, then.”

James brushed her cheek with his knuckle before Lily even had time to move, and her skin tingled with the contact. “Never, you’d miss me far too much.”

Lily rolled her eyes and considered the best course of action was for her to turn away from him completely, eyes back on her parchment. “Well, go easy on Remus. He looks tired again.”

Lily didn’t see his soft smile, filled with irony. “Course we will.” 

She didn’t look up until he’d almost disappeared up the staircase.

“Potter!”

James dipped his head back into view lighting fast. 

“Whatever you’re doing, be careful.”

Blushing furiously for a statement so inoffensive, Lily caught his warm smile as he saluted her and was gone. 

* * *

James nudged open the dormitory door, an all too pleased smirk still gracing his face. 

Sirius greeted him with a slow clap, “Prongs, you’ve been ages! Were you cooking up a three course meal in the kitchens?”

Remus didn’t lift his head from where he lay on the bed, exhausted and in the throes of pre-transformation. But he said in a quiet voice, “Look at his face. He’s been with Lily.”

“Still no snog?” said Peter helpfully. 

“Watch it, Pete,” James said casually. 

“No snog,” Sirius confirmed. 

James shot him a look, “You don’t have to say it every time I walk in the room.”

He emptied the food he’d grabbed from the kitchens onto Sirius’ bed and fell onto his own. They had a full moon night routine perfected by this point. First, food. Seeing as they usually had to miss dinner, one of them would go and smuggle some up. Next, they’d accompany Remus to the Hospital Wing (usually under the cloak so people didn’t ask questions). After a pretend goodbye, James, Sirius and Peter would head down into the Whomping Willow to wait. Then, the (mostly) fun began.

“All right, Moony?” James asked his mate with sympathy. 

Remus hummed a response more than answered, but that was good enough for James. 

“So,” Sirius said, tucking into a pumpkin pasty. “One whole week since you told Evans she wanted to kiss you.”

“And didn’t get killed,” Peter added in amazement.

James groaned and turned his face into the pillow. His mates brought it up around three times a day, or whenever they’d thought of a new joke at his expense. 

“I know it was dumb,” James said. “But, in the moment, I just… she’s so stubborn it drives me mental.”

“You also love it,” Peter reminded him with the practised patience of someone who’d heard him go on about it enough times. 

“I bloody know, that’s why I almost kissed her there and then.”

“Cocky James is like your safety blanket, Prongs,” Sirius told him. “I always know when you’re defensive, or threatened, because you’re a complete arse.”

James huffed. That was true. But Lily was just as bad. She became prickly and volatile, and what was frustrating was watching it happen. It was like watching the lights flick off one by one, and the doors bolted shut. When he watched her clam up after the fireworks - and sodding Bryce, who he’d made out with all of one time - he recognised it from Fifth Year, and he guessed his fight or flight mimicked her, and he, too, rocketed back there. 

When James had pushed her to admit she wanted to kiss him, there was every chance she’d thump him on the nose and never speak to him again. But she didn’t. In fact, a light came on. The claws (partially) retracted. He still felt her fingers at the back of his neck.

“Are you really not going to kiss Lily even if…” Peter wiggled his fingers. “Opportunity presents itself?”

James swallowed, “No.” He nodded, like he was encouraging himself and his will power. “I’m not forcing this one. I want it to be her decision.”

Sirius whistled, “I can hear Moony’s approval right now.”

James’ mouth quirked, “That, and Lily can’t back away from a challenge.”

Sirius matched his grin and clicked his fingers, “And this is my approval. As long as you don’t stop breaking school rules and the law with me, then I support you.” 

“Sounds fair,” James huffed a laugh. Then, “If she does kiss me, all bets are off.” 

Sirius barked out a deep laugh whilst Peter looked slightly weary. 

“On that note, Moony, you ready for a little trip?” 

* * *

_Saturday 13th November 1976_

“Don’t even think about saying the word ‘homework’ to me today. I’m going to fill my Saturday with dumb things exactly like this,” Marlene told her friends before biting her tongue in concentration. 

Sat at the long Gryffindor table, Marlene had built a jenga tower out of Mary’s neatly cut slices of toast and now the four girls had become enraptured by the game with a lot more breadcrumbs involved than usual. 

“Dumb?” Said Lily, extracting a tricky piece of toast. “You’ve got a future career in food sport, Mar.”

“Your support means everything. Truly.” Marlene grinned. She flicked her eyes to Mary, spreading butter on the toast she’d just pulled out of the block. “You’re eating my creation!”

“It’s my breakfast!” 

Alice giggled, before her eyes caught on someone across the hall. “Hey, there’s Fenwick, Mary,” Her delicate face became shadowed with annoyance. “I’m starting to think he’s a real pig for not speaking to you after the party.” 

Marlene spread her hands smugly, “Finally.” She caught Lily’s raised eyebrows and decidedly ignored them. 

Mary, however, shrugged. “It’s not his fault.”

Lily, Alice and Marlene all pulled a face, turning to Mary in disbelief. 

“Of course it is,” Marlene reprimanded, her defensiveness of Mary creeping upon her like it always did. 

Mary twisted her fingers together on the table and Lily realised she was embarrassed. The sting of rejection presented itself in so many ways, all of them utterly brutal. She swallowed when she thought of the assurance James had given her, and how even then she felt petrified to be ignored like Mary currently was. 

“I clearly don’t do it for him, all right?” She said in a rush. 

“Then he’s stupid,” Marlene announced. 

Alice nodded quickly, “Yeah, he could have the decency to say he’s not interested!” 

Mary bit her lip and Marlene pushed the toast tower away to show her sincerity. 

“I can’t believe you think he doesn’t owe you that, Mare. I thought you realised he is the idiot. You’re brilliant, and if you need us to tell you that every five minutes, we will.”

Her blue eyes bore into Mary’s dark ones, and Lily glanced at Alice, wondering if she was as ignorant as Lily had been to their best friends’ feelings. Alice’s face was arranged in perfect sympathy, but when her gaze flicked to Lily, there was a flash of consideration within them. 

Lily had no idea whether Marlene wanted to tell Alice, or if she wouldn’t mind her figuring it out on her own, but she hastened on the conversation just in case. 

“Benjy’s supposed to be bloody smart,” Lily scoffed. “I think smart boys are the most ridiculous.” 

Mary broke into a relenting grin, but when her eyes moved to look over Lily’s head, she somehow knew that James was there. It wasn’t necessarily a feeling, it was more the instant smothered smirks from her friends that appeared whenever he was around Lily lately. 

Her stomach skipped in anticipation, and she pivoted on the bench. She’d eaten every single desert he’d given her last night, and she was suspicious he’d doused them with some kind of potion because he plagued her dreams all night. 

“Speaking of ridiculous,” Lily managed to sigh as she looked up at his face. 

And the three angry cuts on his cheek. 

“Merlin!” Lily exclaimed, her jaw dropping and all pretence wiped from her face.

“Nope, just me,” James had a go at a pained smile as he dropped onto the bench beside her. “All right, Evans?”

“James,” Lily dropped her fork with a clatter and grabbed her napkin, twisting to face him on the bench. “Have you been in a brawl?”

James was rather enjoying her closeness when she leaned in until she dabbed the material gingerly against the cut. He hissed and she frowned, not thinking twice before placing her palm against his cheek in sympathy. Her green eyes bore into his. “Well, have you?”

“No, this was an accident; just being dumb with the boys.”

She pulled her bag out from under the bench and rifled through it. Lily had kept a magical first aid kit in her school bag ever since Marlene singed nearly half a head of hair off in Third Year losing an argument with a particularly hostile salamander. 

“Being dumb?” Lily repeated incredulously. “Did you run headlong into the Whomping Willow?”

She unscrewed the miniature bottle of dittany and hesitated as a bell suddenly rang in her head.

The Whomping Willow. Lily’s eyes jumped from the vial to James’ face, and the tiredness of his eyes. As if on cue, Lily saw a group of Slytherins arrive for breakfast, Snape among them. His accusations from a late night, cold (in every sense of the word) conversation in June reverberated through her. 

_I heard what happened the other night. You went sneaking down that tunnel by the Whomping Willow, and James Potter saved you from whatever’s down there._

Merlin, that seemed like a million years ago. And yet here James was, cut up and tired and unfairly handsomely dishevelled before her. 

“Maybe you should be in the Hospital Wing,” she said uncertainly, and James covered her hand with his.

“I’d rather you be my healer,” He told her sleepily, seemingly unaware of her thoughts. 

Lily’s pulse skipped. “I’m hardly qualified.” 

“It’s just a scratch,” He shrugged. “Besides, this is what I’m really after.”

James reached out to slide her closer with one arm hooked around her waist, and butterflies exploded in her stomach.

“You are so smooth,” Lily told him in a quiet, amused voice, resuming cleaning up his cut. The steadily filling Great Hall was not the place or time to begin hounding him about where he’d been. Besides, if it really was linked to Remus’ illness then the last thing she wanted to do was pry. 

James’ hand was warm and secure as his thumb rubbed absently on her jumper, eyes warm as he watched her. Being in the Great Hall was a blessing; the onlookers stopped Lily from inching that much closer to his face. Not to be a total masochist, but him looking a bit roughed up was doing something for Lily. 

He seemed so calm. Did this really affect him as much as it did her? Was he even thinking about it? 

“I read that kisses heal all wounds,” James said conversationally. 

That’s a yes, then. 

Her heart missed about three consecutive beats. Lily’s eyes narrowed on his, “Did you read it after you wrote it?”

The corners of James’ mouth flicked up. “No, it's very legitimate.” Lily’s next dab was a little harder than necessary. “Bloody ouch, Evans. This is complete rubbish bedside manner.”

“You shouldn’t flirt with your healer. Especially when she’s letting you sit this close with all the bloody rumours going around.”

“I don’t care about rumours,” He told her. 

Lily sighed, “Lucky you.”

James’ opened his eyes properly to peer at her face. “Do you need me to levitate some people?”

“No, thank you. That would be the opposite of helping, James.”

“Right.”

Lily glanced at the stained napkin and then back at James. It was probably the closest they’d been in a week, since she’d developed the antsy jitters every time he got close. It might be crazy to have missed him, but there it was. And that was what she was trying to preserve. A life where she didn’t lose him because of hormones gone wrong. 

James made it very hard to find that important when his eyes were like molten honey fixed upon her. He never seemed to care that they were in a busy, visible place. Her chest twinged - could it be he wanted to show off? And even if he was showing off, should she be flattered or annoyed? Sometimes she couldn’t discern between her habitual reactions and real feelings. 

“I should…”

If Lily kissed James right now, he’d kiss her back. He would do it in front of everyone. That was the funny part of flirting with him - as a person she wanted him but as a friend, she trusted him. 

“Mm?” He hummed.

She glanced at his lips. It was only a second, but he saw it, she knew he did. 

Right, Lily thought. I’d lose. Not only this game but pride, integrity and about a million other things. 

A smattering of laughter reminded Lily that her wicked, evilly smiling friends were sat right by Lily playing nurse. Crap, he was dangerous. She very nearly forgot about the world. 

Lily took a steadying breath, leaning slightly away from him to clear the fog around her brain. “I just remembered you’re an entitled prat,” She said with as much conviction as she could muster. James only grinned at that, completely unbothered that she thought so, which of course made him even more of an entitled prat. 

James’ cheek stung when he smiled, and he hissed. Lily’s face flickered with concern even as she tutted. 

“Did you want food, Potter?” Marlene waved the remnants of her toast tower in his direction. “You look like shit.” 

“Cheers, McKinnon,” James squeezed Lily’s hipbone before he withdrew his hand and stood up. “I just came for…” He fumbled, searching for an excuse. 

Lily actually turned away to bite her cheek when she realised he’d turned up from whatever they did at night to… see her?

“Oh, I see,” Alice said politely to him. 

James ruffled his hair almost bashfully and Lily rolled her eyes, but she was fairly certain even the house elves an entire floor below them could tell she was pleased.

“Thanks for the clean up, Evans,” James said in a polite tone that completely contrasted with the drum of his thumb on her waist thirty seconds earlier. 

“Whatever,” Lily replied, determined not to watch him walk away. 

As soon as he was out of gone, Mary's face became alight with that idealistic glow she got when there was romance involved.

Not that this was romance. This was a nasty side effect of her friend James being stupidly good looking. 

“Lily, I could have cut that with a knife!” Mary squealed. 

“Cut what?” Marlene frowned. 

Mary rolled her eyes, “The tension. It’s an expression.” She turned to grin at Lily. “It’s a very important part of the physical relationship.”

Marlene almost immediately shifted away from Mary, who glanced up in confusion. 

“We don’t have a physical relationship!” Lily said quickly to distract from the moment. 

Alice actually laughed, “He just had his arm around your waist, Lily!”

Lily felt her face go up in flames, “But we haven’t kissed!” 

“Why is that again?” Alice sounded genuinely curious, so Lily couldn’t even be annoyed. 

Lily pursed her lips, the cramped Divination section of the library barging in on her thoughts so suddenly she began tapping her foot. “We’re…”

“Playing a game of chicken,” Marlene finished. 

Lily frowned, “It’s not-!” She paused, mouth still open and her eyes narrowed in thought. Marlene grinned and Lily sighed, shoulders sagging. “Fine, it’s a game of chicken.” Marlene blew her a kiss which Lily caught and threw back. “James is deluded if he thinks he can beat me. I practically invented not kissing him.”

“Surely James will crumble right? I doubt he remembers a day when he didn’t want to kiss you,” Alice said in Lily’s defence, her eyes lighting with excitement. 

Lily scoffed, trying not to let those words make her feel all light and feathery. “He’s under the impression that’ll help him.” She put on a low voice to imitate James, “I’ve been not kissing you when I want to for a lot longer than you have.” 

It was a mistake repeating it; Lily felt like a live wire all over again.

Marlene smirked, “You memorising that does not make the point you think it does.” 

Lily pulled a face. Of course she’d memorised it, she thought about it every thirty seconds. She couldn’t help it, she’d never seen that look on his face before. And it suited him. 

Mary, however, looked slightly shell shocked, “Merlin. Maybe if you don’t want to kiss him, I should.”

“No.” 

Lily and Marlene spoke in unison, and stared at each other with twin scandalised expressions. 

Alice raised her eyebrows, and Mary’s eyes volleyed between them both with suspicion. “I was joking.”

Marlene’s nostrils flared in panic, and Lily tamped down on the shame at whatever the hell that was. The strange, queasy feeling that she had felt when she had thought James had taken Mary on a date resurfaced, but not because she was jealous of Mary. But because she realised that’s exactly what she had been. Insanely jealous. 

“So was I,” Lily laughed awkwardly, kicking Marlene’s ankle so that she’d stop looking like a deer caught in floodlights. 

“I wasn’t joking,” Marlene pulled up the corners of her mouth so that to anyone but Lily, she could be smiling. “I’m way too invested in James and Lily.”

* * *

_Sunday 14th November 1976_

James shook his hair free from water and grabbed the change of clothes from the bench. Quidditch practise had finished nearly an hour ago but he’d been eager to write down all the plays that he had planned for the match against Ravenclaw and stayed behind in the changing rooms to do it. There was absolutely no point doing it in the Common Room when he knew Lily was there, wearing snug fit jeans and sharing chocolates that Frank had bought Alice like they were the best thing she’d ever tasted. 

After his nap the day before, he’d spent nearly three hours on a letter home to his parents because Lily just had to be next to him, playing with her hair in a way that had him thinking about her fingers at the nape of his neck, pressing gently into the skin. That led to remembering her soft body against his, and how in that moment she was fiery, and bold - which she always was, but this was for him, in a moment just between them. Suffice to say that Fleamont and Euphemia Potter would receive about five lines of garbled crap in their letter. 

Nine days. Nine days since he’d put (almost) everything on the table. Since he’d almost kissed Lily - or had she almost kissed him? Merlin, why couldn’t she just kiss him? There was almost something physically in the air when they spoke now, and his skin burned when she glanced at him. It was like they were on the edge of a precipice. James would jump in a heartbeat, but he needed Lily to at least take a look over the edge. 

James shook his head again - this time to prevent the need for a cold shower. 

“Mar, you’re taking ages— oh, shit, James!” 

He couldn’t believe it. Lily had pushed through the door and promptly spun around to face the wall. She was in an oversized jumper and woolly hat now but had no gloves or coat like she hadn’t planned on being outside for long. 

“Lily?” James raised his eyebrows, heart doing gymnastics in his rib cage. Lily turned to face him again, cheeks pink. “What are you doing here?” 

She wrapped her arms around herself, but honestly the temperature was no longer a problem. Her eyes couldn’t stop dipping to the smooth skin of his chest, and _oh my God, Lily stop staring._

James looked down, and for a second self consciousness took over and he joined his hands, rubbing his wrist for something to do. But when he glanced back up, Lily was definitely not laughing at him. 

She swallowed. It was somewhat mesmerising to her knowing that every time he’d pulled her to his chest, this was underneath. 

“I’m looking for Marlene. I didn’t know that you’d be…” 

James’ stepped forward almost instinctively. “It’s unusual to see you down here.” 

Right, Lily thought. This is probably one of the only places he gets to be alone. She reached out for the door handle. 

James took another step, realising his wording. “Really fucking nice. But unusual,” He assured her. One corner of her mouth ticked up in a smile. His entire being settled at the sight, and he smiled too. “Mar’s not here. She left with Alice.” 

“Oh,” said Lily. She knew this was a good time to leave, but her feet seemed stuck to the floor.

“Something I can help with?” Warmth curled in his stomach as he realised that she was nervous - flustered even, because of him. 

She twisted her fingers together. Oh, Merlin, her feet were moving forward. “You…” Lily faltered, and her eyes snagged on a deep purplish red bloom on his torso. Her face coloured in concern. “You didn’t tell me about this one,” Lily reached her hand out before thinking better of it. It hovered in the air between them, and James stared at her fingers. 

“I didn’t think you’d thank me for taking my shirt off in the Great Hall,” James joked, wary of the fact he couldn’t answer the questions she no doubt had. Remus had already apologised fifteen times for the bruise he’d inflicted on Friday night, but James didn’t care. He’d gotten in the way of a werewolf, and that was something you didn’t do. 

Lily pursed her lips, some of her confidence crawling back. Her eyes flicked up to his and she smiled, “No comment.” 

James laughed in surprise. They both thought about how easy it would be for James to sweep her up and kiss her through that laughter. But neither moved, stubborn and afraid and determined respectively. 

Instead, Lily pressed her fingertips lightly against the bruised skin, and James sucked in a breath. 

“Your hand is freezing,” he said quickly, but that wasn’t it. 

“Sorry,” Lily replied, but she didn’t move away. 

Touching was fine, Lily thought. Touching was curiosity. He was warm, of course, and intoxicating. She almost closed her eyes. James held his breath, eyes skating over her face. Every centimetre she touched had a heartbeat. 

“Will you ever tell me how you’re getting hurt?” She asked in the quiet of the changing room. James exhaled. Regretfully. Lily looked up at him. “I know you saved Snape’s life.” 

He made to move away, but Lily, in a moment of madness or bravery, quickly slid her hand to his waist to hold him there. James’ eyes flashed, but he stilled. 

“That was a complicated night. And I can’t tell you everything,” James covered her hand with his own before sliding it up her arm to her shoulder. “Yet.” 

Lily nodded. Whatever happened, this wasn’t something James was prepared to be smug about. It made her shiver to think about. 

“Are you in pain?” Lily asked. 

James smiled down at her, some of the tension visibly leaving his shoulders. “Nah.” 

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to her temple for a long moment. He lingered for longer than he had at the Quidditch party in front of all those people. Lily swayed on her feet, her whole body going haywire. 

He pulled away and Lily looked up at him, his eyes wondering and deep. “Does that count as you kissing me first?” She said, clearing her throat. 

James huffed a laugh. “Evans, if you just kiss me, you’ll know what counts as me kissing you.” 

Lily’s eyes widened because shit, shit, shit, and he chuckled, moving to grab his jumper. After that comment, she wanted to rob him of it. Cast Incendio and never see it again. But outwardly, she had to be calm and collected. 

“So sure of yourself,” Lily shook her head. 

They both heard Marlene at the same time, boots stomping along the floorboards until she swung open the door. The tall blonde looked excited, already smiling. She did a double take at James pulling a jumper over his head, and Lily two feet away. 

“So sorry!” Marlene’s eyes popped out of her head as she fought laughter. 

“No, no, I was looking for you, Mar!” Lily explained quickly. 

Marlene folded her arms in delight, “Well, I’m not in James’ jumper.” 

James choked at that one, and Lily shot him a furious stare. She marched over to Marlene. “I came to tell you that Sam Wendelsson apparently called me boring,” She said quickly, as if to prove her point. The stupid Seventh Year had, too. Mary heard him. Lily wanted to tell Marlene because Marlene also hated Sam Wendelsson after he said her quaffle throws were ‘sloppy’. 

Marlene scoffed, “That cheeky bastard!” 

“Thank you! That’s all I wanted,” Lily exclaimed. 

To Lily and Marlene’s surprise, James laughed to himself. They both set their stares upon him. “What’s so funny?” Lily snapped. 

Marlene wrinkled her nose, “I thought this kind of thing makes you hopping mad.”

James picked up his Quidditch bag and slung it over his shoulder, he came to the doorway and brushed his knuckle against Lily’s cheek lightly. She frowned. 

“Wendelsson said that because he fancies you,” James said like it was obvious. “I should know, I’ve hexed the stupid git like four times for it.” He winked, and was off into the growing dusk of Sunday afternoon. 

Lily stared open mouthed after him. 

“What did you do to make him so calm about that information?” Marlene demanded. 

Lily bit her lip, “I’d rather not answer that.” 

She was losing. She was toast. She was watching him walk away. He looked good doing so. 

“Oh, Lil,” Marlene put her arm around her sympathetically. “Is it a bad time to say I just came out to Alice?” 

“What?” Lily shrieked. She pulled Marlene in for a proper hug. “I’m so proud of you! What did she say?” 

Marlene grinned, “She was amazing, of course. She’d kind of guessed.” 

Lily beamed, “That’s Alice,” Her smile faltered. “So, just Mary left?” 

Marlene narrowed her eyes, “How close are you to kissing James again?” 

“Ouch, Mar,” Lily snorted. “Point taken.”

“We’re a mess,” Marlene linked her arm through Lily’s. 

“That we are.”

* * *

_Tuesday 16th November 1976_

The Great Hall had been cleared of all the tables for another apparition lesson. The Marauders stood near the centre of the hall, like eagerness would make up for their lack of actual apparating thus far. It was probably the only lesson they turned up early for.

“I’m feeling good about today, you know,” Sirius clapped his hands together and rubbed his palms like he was psyching himself up.

“You say that every lesson,” Remus said.

“And you’ve yet to actually move anywhere,” James pointed out.

Sirius scoffed, “I’m not surprised, either, with this lack of support and motivation.”

“You can do it!” Marlene exclaimed loudly from behind him, and Sirius jumped out of his skin with a high pitched strangled noise of shock. She fell about laughing, blonde hair falling over her face.

“Bloody hell, McKinnon!” Sirius clutched his chest and shot Marlene a look akin to a kicked puppy.

She grinned as she shrugged at him, “I was just providing the support you were whining about.”

Lily, Alice and Mary caught up to Marlene, who had clearly run ahead purely to frighten Sirius. James’ face lit up with mischief when he saw Lily, and her eyes flitted away from him before she could smile. Staring at his lips had a contender now: staring at his chest, now that she knew what was going on beneath the shirt. 

This was their dance now. It was easier to think of it as such, instead of something that was growing faster than the Herbology’s greenhouses vines and becoming more overwhelmingly real to Lily every day.

Her stupid heart didn’t understand the aim of the game was to not respond to him. One look at his lightning lit eyes, soft, wild hair and almost permanently turned up lips, and it thumped his name until she was worried it might leave a mark on her ribs.

Lily nudged Remus instead. Her pale friend looked better this week, and she begged her brain not to start doing the maths.

“You almost had this last lesson,” She said.

Remus shifted on his feet, ever humble. “So did you.”

Lily laughed, “Let’s do this, Lupin.” She glanced at James almost automatically, and even though he was telling Peter some (no doubt ridiculous) story, his hazel eyes jumped to hers and he paused long enough to wink. Lily’s neck flushed and she gave herself a mental slap. If there was a winner in this little charade, she was miserably losing so far.

Lily heard James’ soft chuckle at her expense and groaned at Remus’ clamped lip smile.

“Are you sure you aren’t a little too distracted?” Remus teased.

“No! I couldn’t be feeling more neutral.”

“I’d hate it if you splinched yourself thinking of Prongs’ dreamy eyes.”

Lily narrowed her gaze, “I shudder to think what he’s told you.”

Remus raised his eyebrows, “That you want to…?”

Lily’s nostrils flared. “Bloody cheek. It’s so James to tell people what they want. I’m not one of his admirers who’d set my own owl on fire for a snog if he asked.”

Remus burst out laughing. She blinked up indignantly at him.

“No one’s saying that you are, Lily.”

“Right,” Lily turned her back to James and folded her arms. “That’s probably why he wants to kiss me.”

She hoped it sounded nonchalant, or amused, but there weren’t many things she’d ever been able to hide from Remus.

“That’s not why,” Remus said immediately, his eyebrows furrowed in focus.

Lily pursed her lips. She wanted to believe that, but wasn’t James just a boy? A boy who liked causing a ruckus at that. She bit back on that thought; because ever since the term had begun he’d not goaded her or embarrassed her once (sadly he couldn’t be blamed for embarrassing her via squirm-worthy, brain scrambling compliments.)

“Hey,” Remus nudged her now, like he could see her mind sprinting off without her. “Come on, Lily, you’re fantastic. In fact, there should be a queue of boys following you around.”

Lily laughed, rolling her eyes. “There might have been if James didn’t scare them all off with his sulking.”

“He does sulk,” Remus snorted. “See, you always give as good as you get. Why stop now?”

Lily smiled at him with a shake of her head, but she knew exactly why. This particular game didn’t end with James’ bruised ego and Lily’s indignant ranting, it ended with what was promised to be a really good kiss. With James Potter.

She found herself glancing over his shoulder to sneak a look, like the addict she was. James was already looking at her, arms folded with a smirk playing at his mouth. For Merlin’s sake. It’d be nice if she caught him off guard for once.

The apparition instructor chose that perfect moment to march through the double doors commanding attention. Lily latched onto Remus’ wrist when pairs were mentioned before she could get caught by James and have to stare at him for an hour straight. The risk of apparating right into his tempting arms was too embarrassingly possible.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Lily had barely squeezed her eyes shut in frustration from swaying on the spot when a kind, excitable voice materialised by her ear.

“Hi, Lily!”

She clutched her chest and blinked at Ruby Greengrass in shock. “Agrippa, Ruby, did you just apparate?”

Ruby’s laughter peeled out, and she tossed her dark hair back. “Merlin, no! I can move fast without it,” Her dark eyes flitted to Remus coyly, and his grey eyes were suddenly fascinated by the cloudy enchanted ceiling. Lily smothered a giggle, remembering how enthusiastically Ruby had kissed him in Spin the bottle. That damn game had caused a whole horde of incidents. “I’m just dead bored, and you are certainly not boring.”

Lily raised her eyebrows, “Thanks?”

“You must know everyone is dying to hear what happened in the broom cupboard with you and Potter. I was distracted, so I for one have nothing to say on the subject.”

Lily was certain Remus had taken a step back; she bet he wished he could apparate now.

“Blimey, shh, Ruby!” Lily blushed furiously as she checked James was still across the hall in his pair with Sirius. “I think you not saying anything is actually perfect. Silence is golden, you know?”

Ruby pulled a face, “I don’t want to hear that. You asked me to help control the rumour mill.”

“But nothing happened! Potter’s a decent guy and we were both sloshed,” Lily insisted.

“You were in his jersey!”

“For purely practical reasons!”

Half-truth. She put it on with practicality in mind, but it was fair to say she’d kept it on with physicality in mind. Specifically James’.

“I heard you were pretty chummy after the fireworks down by the boathouse,” Ruby said, completely blindsiding Lily.

“Merlin, did Bryce tell you that?” She demanded in a whisper, wary of James and Sirius drifting closer in fits of laughter trying to apparate.

“Bryce told a friend who told a friend who told me,” Ruby shrugged, her eyes lighting. “Everyone knows she’s bitter because she’s into Potter, though, so not everyone believes her. I always defend you, Lily.”

Lily half smiled, not entirely sure what to say to that. Stupid Bryce who knew exactly how it felt to kiss James.

A crease appeared in between Remus’ brows, “Does Lily need a lot of defending?” He asked Ruby, holding eye contact for as long as he dared when she smiled at him.

“It’s just mindless jealousy,” Ruby waved her hand, like she had a lot of experience with it. Then she assured Remus, “I have no interest in Potter whatsoever.”

He pressed his lips together, torn between laughing and embarrassment. “Okay, that’s… okay.”

Ruby flashed her dazzling straight teeth at him, and Remus looked utterly baffled. Some boys didn’t know their lack of know how could be just as charming. Lily wiggled her eyebrows behind Ruby at him, glad the subject seemed to be moving away from her own affairs. She shuddered to think of what would happen if anyone had caught her and James in the library. Then she just plain shuddered remembering it.

“Ruby, what about your boyfriend?” Lily said delicately. “The muggle boy?”

Ruby sighed, pulled from Remus’ unintentional lure. “That was months ago, Lily!” She laughed airily, but then her eyes jumped around the Great Hall, as though she was weighing up the volume of the room. Her usual confident tone sounded structured when she spoke again, “Between you and me, I was getting a little… heat for it. I assume you’d understand given that attack on you and Marlene.”

Lily’s eyes widened in concern. “From other Slytherins?”

Ruby scoffed, “From the wannabe dark wizard weirdos, you mean. They’re all trying to be Bellatrix Black.”

Lily softened, and she put a hand on Ruby’s shoulder. It was so easy to imagine that people like Ruby were unaffected by anything. She was pureblooded and in Slytherin, it seemed like an easy seal of protection, but perhaps not. She knew everything about everyone, but what did people know about her?

“Ruby, you can tell me if you’re ever worried about anything.”

A grateful, genuine smile spread across Ruby’s face. “Oh, thanks, Lily.”

Lily smiled back, before catching sight of Sirius as he now had given up apparating entirely and ventured closer with James. She remembered their conversation in the library a couple of weeks ago.

“Would you mind, uh, keeping an eye on Regulus Black?” Lily asked uncertainly, voice quiet.

Ruby’s mouth popped open, but she didn’t look annoyed as Lily feared she would. She looked almost flattered to be asked. “He tends to keep to himself in the Common Room, to be honest, but… sure, why not?”

Lily nodded appreciatively, feeling a little bit better than before. “That’s great, thank you.”

Ruby shrugged, her airy manner returning. “I am this school’s best source of information.” She winked at Remus. “As long as you put in a good word for me.”

Lily smothered her laughter and she could swear Remus was blushing.

Ruby swished her hair off her shoulder, “Oh, here comes someone you apparently definitely did not snog in a cupboard.”

“Correct,” Lily hissed as James’ warmth washed over her and he dropped an arm around her shoulders. She resented how casual he looked doing it, one hand in his pocket.

“Evans,” He greeted in a voice like melted chocolate.

Lily made a sound of contempt in response. She wished they weren’t in public and she could get away with lingering beside him, but she caught Ruby’s eye and promptly elbowed her way out. The stupid idiot just smirked, like he’d had the desired effect anyway.

“See you later,” Ruby strolled away with a mischievous glint in her grin. 

Lily waved before glaring daggers at James, “What do you want? I’m trying to concentrate.”

James jerked his chin to where Ruby had gone, barely able to conceal his smile. “You were just talking to Greengrass - is there some reason you can’t concentrate around me?” 

Damn. He kept backing her into corners (mental and physical). 

“No reason,” She said sweetly, blinking up at him. His left eyebrow ticked up and Lily cleared her throat. “Go away now, James.” 

James did so, even though she’d pulled her hair up into a haphazard bun and she looked unfairly good. No wonder he hadn’t apparated yet when he was just waiting for those green eyes to find him again. That gaze had been driving him more mental than usual, when it was filled with the feeling that she had something to say and it was on the tip of her tongue. Then he had to blink very hard to get away from thinking about her tongue and the surrounding area. He was serious about not kissing her, he didn’t need to tempt fate.

James looked back at Lily when Sirius had started giving himself an apparating pep talk for the third time in ten minutes. She was a sight of sore eyes, with her hands clapped over her mouth whilst she jumped in glee on the spot. James was confused for a second before he realised that Remus had popped up on the other end of the Great Hall. Remus had apparated. 

“All right, Moony!” James called out in a loud voice and Sirius joined in with hollers. 

There was a smattering of cheers and applause, which made James grin. His friend deserved a hell of praise which he’d often didn’t get. Remus laughed at the ground, stuffing his hands in his pockets as the Instructor made her way over to congratulate the first student to apparate. 

Lily clapped enthusiastically, and she was still laughing in delight when she caught James’ eye. For the first time that day, she didn’t look away. They were still friends, and friends celebrated their other friends together. 

A nasty voice punctured the moment from behind James. 

“Oh, great, Lupin apparated first.” 

James and Sirius snapped their heads to find Selwyn stood with his arms folded, sneering. Sirius practically snarled in warning. 

Undeterred by James’ thunderous stare, Selwyn’s lip curled. “At least I’ll apparate before the mudbloods. If they even can.”

James hand dipped into his pocket for his wand, before remembering Lily close by. He prayed she hadn’t heard - but of course, she had. 

Lily’s eyes flashed at Selwyn’s vulgarity. She fixed her stare upon him like a cat ready to pounce, and James raised his eyebrows at the shift. He might have sprinted away if he was Selwyn.

Next second, James’ hair was ruffled by a burst of movement and Lily was right beside him,

“Evans, you apparated!” Sirius exclaimed. 

Selwyn’s jaw had dropped open. 

Lily laughed in relief, and she glanced sidelong at James. She was practically sparkling with exhilaration and nerves, and she was so fucking amazing that he wanted to kiss her more than anything. James was already grinning with pride, and instead he offered up a raised palm. This wasn’t about him. 

“Nice of you to visit me over here, Evans.”

Lily high fived him with a pleased, secret smile. 

“Thanks, Potter.”

Alice skipped over, whooping and James fell back. He realised, in her moment of determination, Lily had decided to apparate. Right to him. 

* * *

  
  


_Wednesday 17th November 1976_

Lily was never unprepared for homework. In fact, she was usually exclusively over-prepared and her notes acted as Marlene’s personal resource library. This morning, however, her friend had been disappointed. Perhaps Lily would have written more than five lines had James not rolled his sleeves up during Transfiguration and run his hands through his hair twenty times. 

It was unnecessary of him to touch it that much, really, but it didn’t stop Lily falling into a deep daydream about running her own hands through it. She’d goddamn nearly done so earlier today when he’d taken off his glasses to clean a smudge off. Something about it had been so endearing her hand was halfway in the air before she turned it into a stretch. It felt too girlfriend-y. She was supposed to not even want to kiss him. 

But due to his ridiculously nice arms and soft looking hair, Lily found herself in the library to read up on today’s lesson. If she could just be alone for half an hour - 

Blast it all. James, alone on a table. Her heart did a funny little flip, like it was telling her where to go. She had to sit there anyway, not because she desperately wanted to spend time with him, but because he’d just love it if she didn’t. It was an omission, clear as day. 

She also sort of desperately wanted to spend time with him. He made her laugh, and enjoy boring things. 

“Why are you just standing there?” 

James’ voice jerked her out of her reverie. He didn’t glance up as he spoke, but his tone was coloured with immense smugness. 

“I’m not,” Lily replied shortly, and sat down opposite him. 

James’ face was arranged in the same deliberate nonchalance as hers, but his eyes gave him away. They glinted like mirrors bouncing light off her skin as he twirled his quill between his fingers. She noticed his top three buttons were undone, tie loosened, and felt her mouth go a bit dry. 

_Ignore_. 

She lasted a good four minutes before narrowing her eyes at him. 

“You’ve got an extra button undone,” Lily said accusingly. 

James laughed in disbelief, glancing down at himself. “Not deliberately. What’s your excuse?” 

Lily’s eyes widened and she placed a hand to her shirt, but there was nothing amiss. 

“Made you look,” James winked.

“Now you’re looking!” Lily hissed, her cheeks heating. “I am not past hexing you, Potter.” 

James swallowed his grin, and she guessed he wouldn’t even mind that. 

“Like a little bit of skin is going to tempt me,” Lily scoffed, staring determinedly at his face. “I’m not a thirteen year old boy.” 

James laughed in delight, teeth glinting straight and perfect. “It fell open. I’m innocent.”

Lily’s eyes flashed to the visible edge of the Divination aisle where he’d been decidedly guilty by grabbing her and stealing every rational sense she owned. James dropped his chin onto his palm and watched her, chewing on a smile. 

“You know what interests me, Evans?”

She shot him a dry look. “Oh, do tell.” 

“If you’re not at all tempted, I’m surprised you noticed.”

Lily stared at him for full five seconds, slightly dumbfounded. Git, git, git. He knew she’d been thinking about Sunday. Merlin, why did she caress his bruise like a total weirdo? He was always catching her off guard and making her blush like a sodding tomato, and Lily wanted a bit of that feeling. He had quite boldly stated that he would kiss her, and that logically would remove the fear of rejection, but logic had run screaming the moment she’d sat opposite James at dinner on September 1st. 

“I can’t stand scruffy people,” She said. It wasn’t even true, because Marlene didn’t tidy anything and she adored her. He usually looked like he’d just rolled out of bed and she could stand him just fine. 

James nodded, “I probably need a personal dresser.” 

Again. Potter 4,393 - Evans 0. It just wasn’t fair. She had always matched him, she was a worthy opponent. Just like Remus had said yesterday, Lily always gave as good as she got. James thought he had succeeded in making her go soft with his charming smiles, wandering hands and enticing chest. _Get a grip, Lily._

She glanced around the surrounding area. Most people had their heads buried in their work or were whispering and giggling with their mates, textbooks opened and abandoned. 

Lily set her quill down and stopped her leg from jangling below the table. “Apparently,” she sighed at James. Then she stood, much to his surprise, and rounded the table before she could change her mind. 

James didn’t say a word when she was stood before him, nor as she bent down to take hold of the offensive loose shirt button in her fingers. With her face inches from his, she could hear when his breathing changed, and then again when she dropped her eyes to consider the skin she’d complained about. His peppermint exhale tickled her skin and she fought to stop her hands from shaking. After a dangerous, long moment, Lily tugged the button through it’s hole. But she kept her eyes on his focussed ones, because she was a worthy opponent. 

“There,” she said quietly, and smoothed out his shoulders for good measure. 

James swallowed, “Thanks.”

“Mmhm,” Lily hummed, and returned to her seat without another word. 

She bit her cheek again, but this time it was smug. Yeah, she saw why he did it. 

Potter - 4,393, Evans - at least 1. 

* * *

_Friday 19th November 1976_

“I heard a rumour.”

Lily’s shampoo scent filled James' senses as she leaned down over the back of the sofa to look at James. Her hair swung and tickled his face. He smirked. 

“Is it a good one?” James asked, flipping a page of the prophet noisily.

Lily scoffed and walked around the sofa to sit next to him. She leaned one arm on the back and turned to face him. James met her fixed stare with polite interest. Merlin, she was gorgeous. Even when she looked like she hadn’t decided whether to break his arm or not.

“This one definitely interested me,” Lily said. “It might interest you too.”

James bit down on a laugh, but Sirius wasn’t as successful. Lily shot him a glare, “Probably of some interest to you, no doubt, Black.”

Sirius stood comically fast, “I have somewhere to be.” 

He shoved James’ shoulder on the way past. Git. He would take part and not stay for the punishment. Although, if it was coming from Lily, James did prefer to be the sole victim. 

“I’m on the edge of my seat,” James assured her. 

Lily narrowed her eyes, scrutinising his face. “Sam Wendelsson. All his clothes went missing from the fourth floor prefects’ bathroom yesterday.” 

James’ jaw dropped dramatically. “Shocking!” 

“James! He had to run from the fourth floor to his Common Room in a towel. He got detention because McGonagall thought he was streaking!” 

James burst into laughter at that. He couldn’t help it. 

“Well, Evans, nobody’s going to call him boring for a while, are they?” 

Lily gasped and she pointed a finger at his helpless, breathless face, “I knew it was you! I can’t believe Remus gave you the password to the Prefects’ bathroom.”

Still laughing, James shot Lily a look as best as he could, “Can’t you?” 

Lily shook her head. “Really, James. That was so stupid of you.” James opened his mouth to apologise, but her face slid from annoyed, into a begrudging grin. She shoved him lightly, “Thank you.” 

Genuinely surprised, James’ laughing petered off, “Anytime.” 

Lily chuckled and sighed, falling back onto the sofa - and slightly into James. She did it like they snuggled up together all the time. He sorely wished they did. So did she. 

“Do you want to go and laugh at him cleaning gunge off spare cauldrons later?” He asked. 

“Can’t,” Lily sighed. “Slughorn’s party tonight.”

James pouted, “I wasn’t invited.”

Lily twisted to look at him and sniggered derisively. 

“Shocking,” Lily smirked. “Didn’t you destroy his favourite decanter last year?”

James narrowed his eyes at her, like he was debating whether to come clean. “Depends. Are you old Sluggy’s spy?”

“How dare you, I was going to say you can tag along with me,” Lily didn’t look at him when she said, as though asking him anywhere wasn’t a massive deal.

James’ gaze was laser sharp on her face, burning a path where his eyes trailed. “Isn’t Sirius your plus one? So that he can get Regulus on his own?”

“Slughorn’s spy gets as many plus ones as she likes,” Lily said sweetly. James’ jaw dropped as he played along and snapped his fingers at her.

“I knew it!”

“Oh, shoot.”

James laughed and Lily’s lips twisted into a smile as she watched him and the faint dimples that appeared in his cheeks when he smiled, her heart pinching and dying to be heard. James-gives-me-anxious-butterflies aside, Lily was a logical girl and the fact was that a Slughorn party gate crashed by James was much more entertaining than one without him.

“I’ll come seeing as you begged me,” He said after a moment.”

“I did not beg, I hardly even suggested it,” Lily crossed her arms indignantly. 

“I assume you want to see my dress robes?”

Hm, yes. “You can wear a sack for all I care.”

“What are you wearing?”

The question made her blush for no real reason. “I don’t know yet.”

“What about the green one?”

“What?” Lily sat up, shooting him a funny look.

“What?” James echoed. He realised he’d revealed he had extensive memories of every time Lily dressed up. Before now, he’d had to watch her across the room laughing at Marlene and flicking her delicately smoothed hair over her shoulder, with nothing but time to drink in every aspect.

He ruffled his hair and stared at his lap for answers.

“I don’t think I’ve worn the green one since Alice’s garden party before Fifth Year,” Lily was smiling like the cat who caught the canary. James shifted like he had no idea, when of course he bloody did. That garden party was the first time he’d seen Lily after his growth spurt and they’d started the afternoon as friends, but by the end of it she looked at him like he’d grown two heads. “I doubt it’d fit,” she said, mostly to herself.

“Perhaps you can wear a sack, too. You’d look good in one,” James said cheekily, mostly to swiftly move away from his creepy outfit memory. When he felt brave enough to look back at her, she was watching him with a half-smile that warmed him to the bone.

“Actually I don’t think this school deserves to see us in sacks,” she told him and her eyes dropped to his lips for a moment. His entire being zoned in on the slip, and James fought to keep his hands still, to remember why he’d made himself make that promise: he didn’t want her just for night at the sodding Slug Club, he wanted her all the time (including every stupid Slug Club type affair, actually).

Lily noticed James’ fingers curl into his palms and felt a small thrill shoot up her spine. Knowing how much he affected her, Lily felt practically drunk on power to know that she had any effect on James. Was this what it was supposed to feel like? She’d never even gotten this tingly when actually physically kissing other boys. For Merlin’s sake, she could never tell James that.

The anticipation was equal parts exciting and dread. Lily was starting to think it was a very real possibility she’d simply burst into a thousand pieces if she touched him. 

“Evans, you barely yelled at him,” Sirius said in disappointment as he sat back down in his armchair. “I’m going to have to find another hobby if this truce carries on.”

Lily snorted as she tucked her feet up on the sofa, “I’m getting experimental with my punishment. He’s coming to the Slug Club with us.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows and he exchanged a pointed look with his best mate, who widened his eyes for a millisecond as if to say, _I don’t fucking know!_ Sirius concealed a grin and slapped his hands together in excitement. 

“Excellent, the four of us will have a brilliant time.”

“Four?” Lily asked warily. 

“Moony’s my plus one,” Sirius explained. 

“Sirius, you’re _my_ plus one.” 

Lily rolled her eyes in exasperation and James chuckled knowingly. He stretched both arms above his head and artfully dropped them on the back of the sofa, the right behind Lily. She glanced at him but didn’t move. 

“Do you think McKinnon can take Wormtail? He’ll be off with us all week if he can’t come and I just can’t be dealing with that,” Sirius continued. 

Lily shook her head. “Marlene is taking Mary, and her wrath is a lot greater than Peter’s if she’s left out.” 

James whistled and Lily glanced at him, noticing that his jaw was quite lovely from this angle. “Oh, boy.” 

Sirius and James had a five second non verbal communication before both turning to blink imploringly at Lily. Her jaw dropped. 

“I’m supposed to bring three plus ones? Four, actually, counting Remus!” She shook her head in disbelief, red hair swishing as she did so.

James tilted his head toward her, “I would rather you just brought _me_ , but…” 

Lily didn’t dare to look at him as she clamped her lips together. Sirius jabbed a finger at James, “Oi, no conspiracy flirting, Prongs! Aren’t you two supposed to be just friends?” 

“We are,” They said in unison - Lily, like a panicked bleat, and James with a practised resignation. 

“Right,” Sirius stroked his chin and leaned back in his armchair. He assessed the two of them, sat unnecessarily close, Lily with her shoes kicked off and resting her arm on James, whilst his had descended from the back of the sofa to behind her head. It struck him as the most domestic thing he’d ever seen. 

Lily chewed her cheek and flashed her eyes silently at Sirius, “Fine, we’ll all bloody go. We better have a good time because it’ll be my sodding last now that I’m bringing the circus with me.” She levelled her gaze at Sirius, seemingly unaware of the way James had dropped his head back to look up at her face through half open eyelids. “Getting pissed is a bad idea if you want to talk to Regulus civilly.”

Sirius grinned wolfishly, “I’ll be on my best behaviour. Such good behaviour in fact, Evans, that you’ll forget all about your weird, flirty bet with Prongsy and fall for me instead.”

He heard James’ groan as Lily’s cushion flew across the room before jumping to her feet with about eight different excuses. 

* * *

As James stood before the sink in their dormitory bathroom, Remus stood with his hands on his hips, eyes round with surprise. “Lily asked you to go to the Slug Club with her?”

James felt his neck go red and he ruffled his hair, “She asked all three of us.”

“Funny time to start being humble, Prongs,” Remus began counting on his fingers. “She asked Padfoot so that he could talk to Regulus, and she had no choice about Wormtail and me. She asked you. Because she wants you there.”

James splashed icy water on his face and bit down on a grin. “Don’t do this to me, Moony. You’re supposed to be my reasonable side.”

“Prongs, I am being reasonable.”

James swung out of the bathroom at that, face alarmed. “What are you saying?”

Remus laughed, “I’m saying that this is a good sign, mate.”

Well, shit. James couldn’t believe how much he’d worried about Lily distancing herself after what he said about kissing her. Sometimes when he was with her, he could almost see the moment she came up against the wall she’d built in her mind, stare at it and slowly retract. But she was Lily, and she was brilliant, and somehow their connection was still growing through the confusion of missteps and flirting. 

James let out a sharp, chuffed exhale. Then he felt panic rise up his throat, an entirely new kind of nerves. He swallowed, “Shit, should I… brush my hair?”

Sirius roared with laughter at that, and Peter coughed into his sleeve. 

“Merlin, here we go! I wish she could see you like this, Prongs. It’d put her right off,” The former shook his head at Remus, who smirked and took a firm hold of James’ shoulder.

“Don’t be all weird and screw it up.”

James' face dropped, “Was that advice? It was crap.”

Remus shrugged, “I give vague advice and hope it pays off, you know this.”

Sirius moved past James to commandeer the bathroom (likely for the next hour) and wagged his finger, “Say what you like, Moony, but that got me through my O.W.Ls.” He turned to James, “Do you want my advice?” 

He pulled a face. “Merlin, help me. Go on then.”

Sirius’ face was surprisingly sincere as he said, “Keep doing whatever it is you’re doing. I’m not just a pretty face, I’ve got eyes in my head, and Evans is growing rather attached to you. It pains me to say that you don’t need us for this.” 

James laughed appreciatively, “I’ll always need you, idiot.”

Sirius smirked and pulled his hair back, “All right, maybe for advice on how to get-”

Remus used his wand to slam the bathroom door in his face, effectively cutting him off. James nodded, “Good call.” 

Peter scrambled up off his four-poster, “Wait, Padfoot, I’m not against that advice!” He called out, causing James and Remus to burst out laughing. 

* * *

Lily pulled at the green cotton of her dress. She was massively regretting her decision to squeeze into the old thing. It was a little tighter than she remembered, particularly around the damn chest, but she’d committed now. 

“Hey, stop!” Marlene batted her hands away. “You look great.” 

Lily’s mouth twisted, “I don’t care either way.” 

Marlene’s eyes rolled to the ceiling. Her friend’s foot tapped anxiously on the floor of their dormitory. They were waiting for Mary, as usual. Alice had left a few minutes ago to meet Frank for a romantic stroll to Slughorn’s party, and Lily didn’t even feel jealous of that. It was a possibility that going with scruffy haired Quidditch captain (and everyone else!) was the reason. 

Lily lowered her voice, “You okay, Mar? Going with her like this?” 

Marlene’s eyes darted to the almost shut bathroom door warily, “It’s fine, Lil. Who else was I going to bring? I always bring Mary.” 

Marlene had been justifying that all week. She only really got invited to Slughorn’s parties because he knew her parents, and she wouldn’t even go except for that Mary was a sucker for a party. And Marlene was a damn sucker for Mary. 

She sighed, suddenly eager to get going. She needed noise and distractions. “I’m going in,” she told Lily, who wisely said nothing. 

Marlene strode across the dorm and pushed open the bathroom door, knocking simultaneously. “Macdonald, let’s go!” 

Mary was at the ancient looking mirror, scowling in frustration as she pulled at tiny strands of her hair, twisting them together. She was in a lilac halter neck dress that Marlene loved, and she took a moment to stare before remembering herself. 

“What’s taking so long?” She asked, perhaps more severely than necessary to contrast how soft Mary looked. 

“My bloody hair! Why’s it so damn curly?” Mary complained, giving up and narrowing her eyes at herself. 

Marlene couldn’t help but laugh softly at the angry frown on her face, and she stepped into the bathroom, reaching automatically for the curls in question. 

“Your hair is gorgeous, you’re just so impatient.” 

Mary met Marlene’s gaze in the mirror as the latter began plaiting at the front of her head, taming it expertly from years of practise. She smiled against her better nature and Marlene’s fingers faltered for a heartbeat. 

“I’ve always wanted your hair, actually,” Mary admitted. 

Marlene snorted. “Really?” 

“Duh,” Mary’s eyes skated over Marlene’s long blonde waves in the mirror. “You always look like you’ve just stepped off the beach.” She paused, considering, and Marlene’s heart thundered. 

Just plait the stupid hair and get out of there. 

“If I could look like anyone, I’d look like you,” Mary continued, oblivious to it. 

“You’re insane,” Marlene muttered with a huff. 

“I’m serious!” Mary laughed. “You’re the prettiest person I know.” 

Marlene stared determinedly at her handiwork, finishing off the plait around the back of her head. “Why are you saying this now?” She asked in an offhand tone. Merlin, could Mary hear the desperation behind it? 

There was quiet as Marlene tied off the plait with impressively steady fingers, letting her eyes linger on the curls, down to her shoulder. Something as ordinary as a shoulder shouldn’t make her feel the way it did. Her gaze flickered up the mirror with a jolt, realising that she was staring. 

Mary’s brown eyes looked back, and she was frowning. 

“I don’t know,” she finally replied. 

Neither of them moved as they watched their joined reflection. Marlene could barely breathe. This was new. What was this? 

It was dangerous. It was heartbreaking. It was everything. 

“Okay, let’s go,” she shattered the silence. Marlene’s body screamed at her not to, but she drew away, and out of the bathroom. 

Mary glanced back at herself in the mirror for a moment

* * *

James pushed a hand through his hair before remembering that he’d brushed it, and swore. The Marauders had been on the sofas for nearly twenty minutes, and James thought another five would turn him officially loony. 

It’s not a date. You’re just hanging out with the girl you’re crazy about because she asked you and most definitely has thought about kissing you even if she won’t admit it. 

“Prongs, you are mumbling again,” Peter said with slight concern. 

“He’s giving himself a pep talk, Wormy,” Sirius clapped James’ shoulder. “I might need one, too.”

Remus’ face softened from the armchair. “You can talk to Regulus, Padfoot. We’ll be right there.” 

Sirius offered him a thin lipped smile, “Thanks, Moony.”

James blew out a breath and nodded to his best mate. “Sorry, I’ve been so wrapped up in Evans-”

Sirius snorted, “And water is wet, Prongs. I know you’ve got my back, but there’s nothing you can do. It’s just a shot in the dark.”

They all shared a look of sympathy, and a little hope. 

Footsteps and voices echoed from the spiral staircase, and James’ head shot up. His mouth actually dropped open when he saw her. It was the strangest of feelings to see Lily in the green dress from the summer before last, like a moment running parallel to the one happening right now. James would never forget seeing her for the first time since Fourth Year ended, hair in a loose plait and her green eyes alive with laughter. He hadn’t realised she’d actually looked at him a lot like she was now, with sparkling fondness and a secret smile, before he’d opened his mouth and blown it. Then proceeded to blow it all into tiny fragments repeatedly for the next year. But, miraculously, not anymore. 

He grinned as he looked her up and down and she rolled her eyes with as much contempt as she could muster. 

Sirius took a swig from a concealed hip flask. 

“Fellas, I feel like crashing a party tonight, don’t you?” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Off to the Slug Club! I’m having fun with this next one hehe.
> 
> -deadlysansa on tumblr x


	13. James and the Slug Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote 15K words about a Slug Club party. Help me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY YALL I’M BACK. I have gone into this a little bit on my tumblr (deadlysansa, where i update and chat), but i do want to just let you lovely supportive AO3 folk know that I am still writing this story. I love it so much. I love your thoughts and excitement, those of you who leave mini essay reviews and those of you who just keyboard smash. However, my country is in it’s third lockdown and we have been since late December, and i have been struggling with the isolation and work lifestyle. I have just really forced myself to write because and when I want to. I have put so much effort into TLOL I don’t want to ruin it because I’m rushing. Everyone has been SO supportive of that. Thank you for letting me take care of myself in order for me to keep this story going for you.   
> AND OF COURSE, I have to thank my lovely AO3 reviewers. I read every one multiple times and I have listed them all below. YOU LEGENDS. You are PART of this creative process.   
> Lizzie, river33, rfahey, Catz9910, Treecer, originalsix, Sadlee6, MrGG, Jamespotterismybby, scaryaslo, korraflora, theladyofrivendell, Al1cein1derland3, possessedmarshmallow, vangoghflowers, Lottiebillions, Illuminate_The_Sky, Chaserspirit, Loucardoso, estrelladda, Rachel, Allythegreat1, writtenbyfreckles, Nina, Ingrid, imo2717, nineandthreequarters, Lizzie20, makjeon, Lovesamemory, clairewithnoi, DarlingILoveYou, Nobothersgiventoday, maraudersoccermom, Marina, fawnbytheriver, vasymollo, Rachel, jilytho, inksandbookpages. 
> 
> I (again) wrote so much I’m just popping out Slughorn’s party as a chapter. I swear, me and too-much-detail are eloping.   
> Okay that’s seriously enough from me. Come to the Slug Club with me?

“Miss Evans!” Slughorn’s smile was wide and already a little bleary. His eyes slid from Lily to the three boys that followed her in, already laughing mischievously. She kept her smile plastered on whilst her Professor processed their presence. “You’ve brought friends.”

“I hope that’s okay. I can’t leave them unsupervised,” She joked, and it was enough to make Slughorn laugh heartily. He wagged his finger at her.

“Of course, of course! Perhaps some of your master potion brewing will rub off on them!” He chuckled to himself before hastily following the direction Marlene had dragged Mary, keen to avoid him. He no doubt wanted to enquire after her parents and older brothers but she always managed to dodge the professor. 

Lily exhaled and James ducked to speak in her ear, “Is ‘Master Potion Brewer’ your spy name?”

Her stomach squirmed at his breath on her ear and she swivelled to face him. “I’ll tell you my spy name if you don’t traumatise everyone here somehow,” She said, arching an eyebrow.

James grinned, and his eyes twinkled. He turned to Sirius, Remus and Peter and spoke very seriously, “You hear that, boys?  _ No  _ traumatising.” It was a credit to their friendship that the other three immediately went along with him and began making a huge fuss.

Remus shook his head, “If we’re not careful, these people will have a good time tonight. Is that what you want?” 

“If I don’t spike the pumpkin juice, who will?” Sirius demanded.

“Hopefully no one,” Lily folded her arms.

“I’m not sure that can be considered a party,” said Peter woefully. 

Sirius waved Lily off and his eyes did a quick round of the classroom, in which all of the tables had been covered with tablecloths and laden with food. “No Reg yet. Suppose I could fit in some mild debauchery first.”

“Mild?” frowned James, his face lighting up in a grin when he caught Lily’s vaguely panicked expression. She quickly narrowed her eyes back, but the idiot didn’t cower. Annoying. 

“Sirius Black,” Lily said sternly. “I invited you here for a  _ reason _ . I don’t think your brother will take you very seriously if you’re staggering around like a drunk neanderthal.” 

Sirius shrugged in fairness. “Seeing as you asked so nicely, Evans. I’ll do anything for someone as ravishing as you look tonight.” He winked and it did the trick, Lily’s lips twitched. 

“Sirius, do you want them to find out about us?” She asked, voice dripping with sarcasm. 

“Oops,” Sirius tapped his nose, undeterred. “I’ll meet you at midnight, darling.”

James’ chuckle was slightly strangled as he kicked him lightly but pointedly in the shin. Remus smirked, not knowing whether he enjoyed James’ relentless jealousy or Lily’s furious blushing eye roll as she stared determinedly at the chandelier hung above them. 

“I need your help,” Remus barely concealed his amusement as he pulled Peter and Sirius by the sleeve to the food table. “Over here.”

Lily stared furiously at Remus’ retreating figure. The onslaught of stupid nerves that recently made it extremely hard to act normal arrived right on cue. It was just James, and she wanted to hang out with him, didn’t she? 

She turned to him and she almost laughed at herself –  _ just  _ James? He looked heart stoppingly good in his smart, red sweatshirt - she so rarely saw him in anything that wasn’t singed, scuffed or marked from his daily chaotic lifestyle. She even thought he’d tried to tame his damn hair. His smile was soft as he drank her in.

“I hate it when that git is right, but he has a point. You look unfairly good, Evans,” He said it like it was a fact, not an opinion.

Her stomach erupted in butterflies and she shook her head. Merlin, was she really going to fall apart at every compliment, at every kernel of proof that he really did want her?

She blushed and shoved his shoulder, “Stop that, Potter.”

James grinned before his eyes lingered on her green dress. “Did you, uh, wear this for any particular reason?”

James reached out for the swishy skirt and pinched some material between two fingers thoughtfully, almost mesmerised. Lily swatted his hand, glancing around the room with her heartbeat in her ears. 

_ Because I am clearly losing my mind and you wanted me to. _

“No,” Lily lied instead. James blinked from his reverie and laughed. She scowled at him, “I wish I hadn’t, it’s too bloody tight.”

Lily marvelled at the splash of red that hit James’ cheeks as he inhaled and averted his gaze to stare determinedly over her head. “I hadn’t noticed,” He said in a slightly strained voice.

It was Lily’s turn to laugh in disbelief, something she knew she definitely shouldn’t do as someone portraying the image of  _ not  _ wanting to kiss him. The sound dragged James’ eyes back to hers, and he grinned sheepishly. Merlin, she didn’t mind one bit that he had one hundred per cent noticed. Lily reasoned that she couldn’t exactly argue when she’d barged in on him without a shirt a few days ago anyway. 

“Gone blind, have you?” She asked, her confidence spurred on. 

Lily would have hexed anyone else. She would have hexed  _ James _ most especially three months ago. But now… she liked that he noticed and that he wasn’t afraid of looking stupid. That was James. She used to hate how upfront he was; she had misread it as entitled, but it wasn’t. It was beautifully simple to him - if he liked something, he told people because he didn’t see any reason why not. For Lily, who thought about what she said far too much, it was refreshing - and scary. But the warmth of trust that their friendship paved was something Lily had no idea she’d needed until she didn’t know how she’d ever gone without it.

“I’m a gentleman _ ,  _ Evans.”

Lily snorted, thinking about the library when he’d pulled her against him. That hadn’t been particularly  _ gentlemanly.  _

_ Sodding Merlin, don’t think about that now!  _ Lily thought furiously, as her blood tingled with the reminder and it was suddenly very hard to look at James at all. Laughter rang out from the group nearby, and they were both reminded that other people did in fact exist. Lily caught Benjy Fenwick’s eye across the room, his interested smirk fixed in place, and she stepped back from James. She didn’t want to start a new round of rumours just as Ruby seemed to have stopped the last set.

“Shall we mingle?”

James pulled a face, “People that aren’t you? Rubbish.”

Lily’s mouth twisted into a begrudging smile, “Oh, give over, you love people. We can’t tear you away from your adoring fans.”

“ _ Evans.” _

“Come on. First person to get ‘alakazam’ into a sentence wins.”

James pinched her side as she walked ahead, and she batted at his hands again with a determined glare, her pulse skittering happily. “Wins what?” He asked, tone laced with mirth. 

“I haven’t decided yet,” Lily said tersely, painfully aware of his heat at her back like an open fire. 

* * *

Mary was laughing at Marlene’s thunderous face, she knew it. She was barely concealing a grin behind the small pumpkin pasty she’d managed to nab from the table as Slughorn asked Marlene about her brothers like it was an academic test. 

“Your eldest brother, Robert, is he still working for  _ The Daily Prophet?”  _ The Professor’s eyes were expectant, and weirdly smug. As though his Potions teaching had led to Rob’s career in journalism. 

“He sure is. You know,” Marlene’s eyes searched the room. “He writes to Billy far more than he writes to me, you’re better off asking him.” It was barely true, but she wasn’t against lying in this moment. 

Slughorn sighed, “Sadly William rarely accepts my invite.” 

Marlene refrained from huffing out loud.  _ He’s smarter than I give him credit for.  _

“I’ll be sure to tell  _ William  _ that his presence is absolutely required next time. If you’ll excuse me, Professor, I really must go…” 

She darted off, pulling Mary along before he even had time to realise she hadn’t even given him a good excuse. Mary finally giggled aloud. 

“What is with his obsession?” She cackled in delight. 

Marlene rolled her eyes, “Rumour has it my parents are very well to do people.” 

Mary nodded with importance, “Of course. Remind me to curtsey next time I see you.” 

Marlene snorted. “Finally.” 

Mary’s shoulders dropped and she grabbed another pasty. “At least he cares about you. I don’t even think he saw me! I’m not as important to him as McKinnons and Potters,” She sighed dramatically. 

“You can always marry into my family and the old git will bore you to death to your heart’s content,” Marlene joked, before the words soured in her mouth.  _ Why the hell would you suggest that?  _ She was accosted with a vision of Mary and all three of her brothers at the altar and visibly grimaced. 

Mary noticed, and she frowned for a fleeting second before quirking an eyebrow, “There’s just no spark between Billy and I.”

Marlene’s smile returned, attempting not to be so stupidly obvious. “Yeah, well that’s because his type are ‘idiots who will believe anything he says’.” 

The words struck Mary, and she tapped the rim of her glass thoughtfully. “Benjy usually comes to these.” Marlene’s chest tightened, and a mask she had perfected slid into place. “Do you think  _ I’m _ an idiot for thinking that he’d actually ask me out after we kissed in the game?” 

“Ah, that’s not what I meant.” Mary’s cheeks were stained, and the overpowering need to shelter her, and tuck her into her side for a moment won over the bile in her throat. “No, you’re not an idiot, Mare.  _ He’s  _ the idiot. You’re perfect.” 

Mary accepted Marlene’s embrace and slid her small arm around her waist, leaning her head on her shoulder. Marlene counted every breath in her lungs - how many times did she usually inhale per minute? - and felt the tiny pressure of Mary’s fingertips like hot pokers. They watched the little groups of people for a moment, and Marlene let herself enjoy it, just for now. Those few long seconds in the bathroom before the party felt like a good omen, like a string tied to the end of her finger that was being tugged once again. She hadn’t let herself think about Mary’s eyes on her in that way in a  _ very  _ long time. 

Mary sipped at her pumpkin juice, “What’s Sirius doing?” Her eyes tracked their friend across the room. 

“He’s going to get caught,” Marlene announced.

They both observed him dart through the clusters of people to the large cauldron of juice. Swiftly, he pulled out the hip flask from his inside pocket.

“I don’t know,” Mary countered as he unscrewed the lid.

Marlene made a noise of uncertainty, “It never goes well when they attempt solo missions. Should  _ we  _ be helping?”

“No way,” Mary wrinkled her nose. “I’m not spending December in detention.”

Marlene snorted appreciatively and Mary glanced up at her. She couldn’t be sure that she didn’t dream the weird moment in the dormitory. Or, perhaps it  _ wasn’t _ weird… which made it weird. Marlene looked pretty tonight, but then she always did, she didn’t even have to try. Several boys had stared over at her in her mid-thigh length dress she’d paired with trainers. Yes, her legs were eight miles long but Mary had always been of the opinion that they should be staring at her face. Her expressions that could cut you down with a single look or make you feel instantly warm when she smiled only with one half of her mouth, the wind blowing golden strands of hair into her face, like she knew something you didn’t.

“Oof, Slughorn approaching!  _ Sirius!”  _ Marlene hissed, but she was too far away.

Mary snapped her attention back to Sirius, feeling oddly embarrassed. The Professor was stopped in his tracks by James, who materialised out of nowhere to engage in conversation for a distraction. He was followed shortly by Lily, who looked slightly harassed yet amused, biting down on a smile as she nodded too hard at something Slughorn said. They were clearly spinning quite the elaborate story for Slughorn as Sirius took the time to moonwalk away. Marlene watched her best friend toy nervously with the fabric of James’ sleeve and sniggered. 

“Do you think that it’ll happen?” Mary asked. Marlene almost rolled her eyes.  _ That  _ she notices. 

“What’s that?”

They watched Remus intercept Sirius and hurry him along with a long suffering smile. 

“Lily and James,” Mary explained. 

Marlene looked surprised by the question. “You know Lil; she gets in her own head. And I think she’s been hiding from  _ that,”  _ She jerked her head pointedly at James holding his hand up for a high five which Lily accepted, before he linked their fingers and she smacked him, pulling away with a pleased smile. They laughed in triumph at the close call and followed Sirius. “For a long time.” 

“Fancying someone shouldn’t be that complicated,” Mary said.

Marlene shot her a funny look, “Sometimes it is. We can’t all fall in love at the first sign of ancient chivalry.”

Mary worked hard not to respond to that tone. She sighed, “Well,  _ I  _ think they’re good together.”

“Two months ago you didn’t even think she fancied him!” Marlene pointed out.

“I just believed what she told me! You know, if people told me the truth my life would be a lot easier.”

Marlene burst out laughing at Mary’s indignance and a begrudging smile took over from her frown. 

“I think that would surprise people about you,” she said, nudging Mary. “Most people think you’re a gossip that could rival Greengrass, but actually you really do value the truth.” 

“That was  _ almost _ a compliment.”

Marlene grinned and Mary dipped her head and pulled a face so that she wouldn’t see. She felt shame run rife through her gut. She was lying  _ right now _ , knowing Lucy Diggory had reached out. The more time that passed, the more Mary wanted to confess, but she also knew that every second ticking past made what she’d done seem even worse and chickened out every time. 

Mary instead linked her arm through Marlene’s to meander around the room. Marlene accepted the small intimacy gratefully, just relieved that Mary hadn’t been freaked out by her slip up earlier. 

“Oh,  _ look, _ Mar!” Mary made a beeline for the poor student roped in to hold trays of drinks. She plucked a pretty goblet off the tray. The drink was a mauve coloured liquid, simmering slightly and sweet smelling. On the top floated a hibiscus flower which Mary gently lifted off the surface. “Samantha put this in her hair and she looked like a right idiot,” she told Marlene. She glanced up and beamed. “ _ You _ , however.” 

Marlene frowned, “You’re not putting that dripping shrub into my  _ hair _ .” 

But she didn’t move when Mary reached up to tuck the flower behind Marlene’s ear, pushing her blonde hair aside gently. Of course she didn’t, because she was still utterly  _ hopeless.  _

* * *

“Lily?” 

Lily spun on her heel, practically colliding with two other students. She’d been walking embarrassingly fast toward the restocked platter of raspberry tartlets. They were girls, she guessed Fifth Year. Their arms were linked and they looked nervous like they were about to enter a cage fight, not talk to  _ her.  _

“Everything all right?” Lily asked warmly, assuming they needed a prefect. 

The blonde nodded quickly and her friend giggled. “Yes, excellent, thank you!” 

“Uh…” Lily glanced around, but her friends were nowhere around. Useless. “I’m sorry, I don’t know your names?” 

“Sadie,” said the blonde happily.

“Krisha,” the dark haired one seemed far more skeptical. 

“Great. And you know my name, because you said it,” Lily laughed awkwardly, wondering what the hell they wanted. She’d give them a galleon to go away at this point. She swiped a goblet from a passing floating tray and sipped. “You know, the Head Boy should be here, but I haven’t actually seen him-”

“Oh, no, it’s you we need to ask!” Sadie said quickly. She was blushing into the blonde roots of her hair. She nudged Krisha. 

“Why  _ me?  _ It’s you who wants to know!” Her friend demanded in a poor whisper. Lily raised her eyebrows.

“Know what?” Lily assessed their giggling excitement and added as an afterthought, “Yes, it’s against school rules to brew Amortentia for personal use. And the law.” 

Sadie lapsed into further shaking laughter and Krisha obviously had gotten fed up. 

“Did you come here with James Potter?” 

Lily choked on her drink but hastily recovered. She was not expecting  _ that.  _ “Um, I guess. We physically arrived together - as mates. We’re mates.”

The word seemed foreign as it rolled off her tongue and James chose that moment to shift into her line of sight, one hand in his pocket as he spoke to Remus. His open laughter made her heart pinch and she felt weirdly guilty for saying it. 

“Since when?” Krisha frowned. 

“ _ Krisha!”  _ Sadie admonished, and Lily had to agree. She was suddenly noticing how shiny Krisha’s hair was, and how sun kissed Sadie’s skin was. They were pretty girls, asking about James. Her fingers tapped the goblet at a quickened pace. 

“What does it matter?” She fought not to sound irritable. 

Sadie smiled sheepishly, “I’m sorry. I just wanted to ask if… if he was single. We weren’t sure who else to ask.” 

There were probably at least seven different people that Lily thought they could have asked that would have been better. Anybody else wouldn’t have been seriously considering banging their heads together and sprinting away. She smiled tightly instead. 

“Why don’t you ask  _ him?” _ She suggested.  _ Oh, God, did I just encourage two gorgeous girls to speak to him?  _

“We can’t just talk to the Gryffindor Quidditch captain!” Krisha said like Lily had lost her mind. 

“Well, that might cause some issues on a date,” Lily retorted before she’d thought it through. Shit. She may as well have waved a fluorescent pink banner reading _ ‘fuck off’  _ in their faces _.  _ Stupid, stupid, Lily. She had no right. 

A lean arm dropped on her shoulders and Marlene’s golden waves gathered on Lily’s shoulder.  _ Thank Merlin.  _

“Are we talking about Quidditch?” She grinned. 

“Sure,” Krisha said coolly. Sadie bit her lip, possibly still about to laugh, albeit nervously. 

“Fun,” Marlene nodded. She pulled Lily tightly to her side. “Well, I hate to break up a party, but I need to show Lily something.” 

She pulled Lily away without a second breath, and Lily shot them a departing wave.

“I  _ love  _ you,” she groaned as they walked. 

“Yeah, yeah. Who even were those girls?” 

“Tell me, do I look like James’ secretary?” Lily said in response. 

Marlene pretended to squint at her. “Not right now. This dress is definitely not appropriate for the workplace.” 

Lily elbowed her, “Well, they were asking  _ me  _ if James is single!” 

Marlene burst out laughing so loudly that she actually stopped walking to cover her face with her hand. Lily craned her neck to stare at her. Marlene caught her eye and attempted to smother the sound.

“Oh, come on, Lil!” She reasoned. “I assumed it was a joke. James hasn’t been emotionally available since 1973 when you told him his new glasses had nice frames.”

Lily shifted uncomfortably on her feet. “He’s plenty available.” She didn’t know why she was lying when she’d almost throttled that poor blonde girl for asking.

“He came here with  _ you _ tonight.” 

“All of his mates are here!” Lily argued.

Marlene waved her hand, turning to face Lily properly. “So? How many Slug Clubs have you seen James attend before?”

“Uh… one?” 

“One! Because he - correctly, I might add - thinks they’re bloody boring. He came that one time as a favour to his parents and was gone before that weird round of charades.”

“Will you stop?” Lily pleaded, her heart torn between smugness and the need to illegally apparate away. 

Marlene bit her tongue, taking in Lily’s panicked face. She wanted to push, but admittedly James had learned a lot more about her best friend than he’d let on this past year, and Lily would likely retreat under pressure. 

“Fine. I’ll stop pretending to understand what the hell your relationship is,” Marlene shrugged. 

“Thank you,” Lily said primly, a flicker of a grin on her lips. They linked arms and started weaving towards the others. “Hey, how’d you know I needed saving back there?”

“The dark haired one was trying to murder you with her stare. But it doesn't work. I would know, I’ve tried it multiple times on Fenwick.”

Lily’s eyebrows flicked up. “Krisha? It was her friend Sadie who fancies James.” 

“ _ Krisha  _ fancies James,” Marlene said confidently. “That Sadie better sleep with one eye open.” 

Lily snorted appreciatively as they approached Remus and James. 

“Sirius is about to talk to his brother,” Remus explained, nodding to where Sirius stood alone, leaning on the edge of a table. 

“Really?” Lily asked, feeling slightly hounded by the surge of her pulse when James’ always near-laughter eyes met hers. 

“He’s just standing there,” Marlene observed helpfully. “Way to be suspicious.” 

“Shit, she’s right,” James dragged his gaze from Lily. “I’ll go-”

“No, let me,” Lily interrupted. “Please. I just need to tell Ruby. She’s going to distract Severus for us.” 

“I’ll tell her, I’m dying to know how one distracts that slime ball,” Marlene offered, intrigued. 

James made a pained noise, “A million jokes just flew into my head.” 

“All very clever, I’m sure,” Lily said. She brushed past him and he caught her wrist. 

“Hey - Lily,” James’ voice was far more serious than she expected. She glanced up at his hazel eyes. “I never said thank you for helping Pads with this. It means a lot to him so it means a lot to me.”

So many of their conversations had been light and flirty recently that Lily was slightly floored to see the genuine gratitude. Just another side of him that made her mouth fall slightly open and made her think  _ oh, for sodding Merlin’s shit sake - _

“I just got him here,” Lily shrugged. 

“Don’t do that,” James said, not unkindly. “Don’t downplay yourself.”

Did she do that? Lily’s eyes dropped to his chest. “I’d do the same for any of you.”

“I know.” James smiled and it was the most wonderful thing in the world. Merlin, she’d never seen  _ this  _ smile. It wasn’t cheeky, or suggestive but it still made her weak at the knees. She felt like he could see inside her mind - not like a Legilimens, but just like he understood. And he liked every bit. 

* * *

The Slug Club was the only realistic place that Sirius could catch his younger brother alone. Despite Slughorn being the head of Slytherin house, most of his depraved students never came to his parties. With the exception of Snape which wasn’t ideal, but it was better than the whole ugly crew.

“Hey,” Lily said, sidling up to Sirius where he watched his brother across the room. Regulus hadn’t noticed him yet.

“Evans,” He flashed a smile and looked up to where James was by the punchbowl bickering with Marlene, no doubt over Quidditch. Sirius knew for a fact that although Lily was over here, his best mate was hyper aware of exactly where she was. He’d perfected the art, really, keeping an eye on her from afar when she’d have jinxed him for lingering near her. They all trusted in Lily’s capabilities, they were just far more wary of the Slytherins’ ruthlessness. James’ eyes met Sirius’ briefly in understanding and he knew that his best mate was just as good as him being there.

Lily eyed his hip flask, one of the only relics he’d swiped from Grimmauld Place. “What’s in there?”

Sirius didn’t miss a beat. “Fun juice. Want some?”

“I’m a prefect and Slughorn is two metres away.”

“You helped Prongs distract him for me thirty minutes ago,” He reminded with an over indulgent smile. 

Lily sniffed, “Damn. Well, don’t get used to it!”

Sirius retracted the hip flask and held it loosely against his chest. “Your loss, Red. It makes this little event feel like less of a wake.” 

“Slughorn means well. I think we’re supposed to be networking but the only people I’ve spoken to are you lot and James’ fans asking me if he's single.” She heard the irritation in her tone and cringed. 

Sirius shook the flask under her nose, “This also helps with those little butterflies you get when he messes with his hair.” He grinned wickedly. 

Lily’s jaw dropped and she scoffed, “Oh, please!” 

“I’ve  _ seen you,  _ Lily Evans.”

Not only was she now a pathetic loser but an  _ obvious  _ one. Excellent. 

“Shut it, Black,” She elbowed him. “Just - tell me what you’re going to say to Regulus?”

Sirius stole a knowing, simply evil glance at her before taking the bait. He sighed, flicking his hair back and taking a swig from his hip flask. The sting of amber liquid buzzed through him and he admitted, “You know, I haven’t actually gotten that far.”

Lily snorted. “Want some help?”

“ _ Please _ , Evans.”

She leaned on the chair next to him, musing. 

“I think you should just ask him how he’s doing. I bet he never gets asked that,” She suggested.

“No, you’re right,” Sirius agreed with a bitter laugh. “It’s usually  _ what _ are you doing, not _ how _ are you doing? At least in my house. Or… his house.”

“Okay, so start with that,” Lily encouraged.

Sirius nodded, “He’ll hate it.”

“It’s not about becoming best friends, Sirius,” she reasoned, and leaned back against the table. “You’ve just got to let him know that if he did ever want to reach out, that you’d be there.”

Sirius straightened, pulling at his shirt sleeve cuffs, preparing himself. “Thanks, Lily.”

She smiled and clapped him on the shoulder, “Well, don’t thank me yet. None of this has helped with my  _ own  _ estranged sibling.”

“You can’t help stupid,” Sirius said simply, and Lily’s smile turned into a guilty grin.

“Go on, then,” Lily gestured for him to move. “I’ve got Ruby on standby to make small talk with…” She jerked her head vaguely in the direction of Snape, dressed typically in all black like the cliche dark magic enthusiast he was. 

Sirius’ gut pinched in surprisingly strong sympathy for Lily. He drew her attention away from the slimy git. “Greengrass again? She must really have it bad for our Moony after one snog. Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?”

He wiggled his eyebrows and Lily snorted in surprised laughter before pushing him forward and disappearing into the crowd. Sirius watched James clock the move, and laughed to himself. He was such a goner.

Sirius strolled over to Regulus, stood alone looking highly bored and sipping from his goblet. He was dressed all in black with a green velvet blazer and cravat - clothes both far too formal and no doubt bought for him by somebody else. Sirius had often joked that his family always dressed on high alert for the next funeral. 

Regulus’ eyes narrowed when they saw Sirius, but not straight away. That was something, at least. His hair was shorter than Sirius’ because their mother made them get it cut regularly so they wouldn’t look ‘wild’ – incidentally one of her favourite words for describing Sirius. Naturally he hadn’t cut it since moving in with the Potters.

“Hello, Reg,” Sirius greeted, stopping by him much to his horror.

“What are you doing?” Regulus demanded, glancing around the room. Ruby Greengrass, bless her busybody and Lupin smitten heart, had managed to pull Snape into conversation across the room. 

Sirius focussed on Regulus and raised his eyebrows. “Saying hello?”

Regulus bristled, “You haven’t spoken to me in months.”

Sirius grimaced.  _ Fair point _ .

“That’s how it should be,” his brother added. “I have no interest in talking to blood traitors.”

Sirius’ annoyance flared, and he tried to remember Lily’s words of encouragement. “Why do we have to talk about blood at all?”

Regulus’ eyes once more darted around the room nervously, but he was entrapped. “What else should we talk about? It's the reason you deserted your family, isn’t it?”

“You know it is -  _ but -” _ Sirius spoke over Regulus’ comments. “Not just that. I left because that stupid house was suffocating me. The night I left-” Sirius bit his cheek to stop from grimacing. “It’s… it just isn’t safe, even for us,” He explained despairingly. 

“It’s safe for me,” Regulus sneered, but Sirius’ saw that his brother’s heart wasn’t in it and his own felt crushed at the sight. 

Sirius lowered his voice, speaking urgently, “You’ve been too young to join up but you have to be careful now. They would have started grooming me to  _ become _ one of his followers, especially now that I’m seventeen.” 

“And you’re too  _ good _ for it? It is what is done, Sirius! It’s what all of our cousins have done!” Regulus whispered furiously. 

Sirius almost laughed, but Regulus’ red cheeks on his pale skin told him not to. “You mean  _ Bella?  _ Narcissa? One is half mad, and the other is desperate to marry a Malfoy.” 

He would not speak for Andromeda. His favourite cousin had run from the family, just as he had, in the few weeks after she’d left Hogwarts. She visited him with her fiance, Ted Tonks, at the Potters’ house over the summer. She was the one who had looked at him with sad eyes, and said, “ _ I can’t help my sisters. Perhaps you can help your Reg.” _

“We shouldn’t be talking like this.”

Regulus was glancing around the party again, looking for an escape, and Sirius cursed himself. He couldn’t go five minutes without getting annoyed by his naivety, just like when they were at Grimmauld Place. Lily had brought him along because she actually thought he could get somewhere. Sirius forced himself to remember her words. There was no point arguing about the values of Voldemort with him, it was not the time or place. 

“I’m sorry,” Sirius exhaled, thought about touching his shoulder, then thought better of it. The rings on his fingers glinted in the light of the many candles lighting Slughorn’s classroom as his hand hovered in the air. “I wanted to know how you are.” 

Regulus’ brow furrowed, his eyes searching for a trap. “What?”

“Uh... how are you?” 

“I’m…” Regulus' mouth worked, but his body wouldn’t betray him. Surprise and panic was written all over his face. 

Merlin, Sirius realised that genuinely no one ever asked how his little brother was. He was slammed with gratitude for his mates, and James’ parents. He was a Marauder, and a Gryffindor, and near enough a Potter. Poor Reg had not been so lucky. His  _ pure _ blood had formed a moat around his mind. 

Sirius’ brother finally settled on his gaze. He was bewildered, a little annoyed, but it was the hope that Sirius latched onto with a mental fist when his face fell. He glanced behind him - Snape was moving away from Ruby, whose voice got louder as he backed away from her. 

“Peonies would  _ really  _ brighten up the Common Room space!” She was insisting. 

Sirius whirled back, and met Regulus’ nervous eyes. “You have a choice. You have a choice right up until the last second. There is another life out there, Reggie. You know where to find me.”

Regulus’ face wrenched in what may have been a jerk of fright, but then his eyes were grey and nonchalant. A blank mask that Sirius recognised from the mirror in his old bedroom. Regulus moved past Sirius, who said in a low voice: “Don’t be afraid of Snape.”

“Perhaps I should advise you to be a little  _ more  _ afraid of him.”

Regulus was gone in the next moment, leaving Sirius alone in the crowd. 

* * *

Lily was laughing when she emerged from the bathroom with the Macdonald girl. Snape had never seen the green dress before, and he never wanted to see it again after the way Potter’s eyes trailed around the room after her in it. He’d damn burn it after the amount of times the stupid git just had to reach out and feel the  _ material. _

“Lily,” Snape spoke suddenly, stepping forward to alert them of his presence. “I thought you were more sensible than this.” 

The two girls stopped short, and Lily’s eyes hardened. But more insulting was the way she raised her arm casually in front of Mary Macdonald, as though he’d attack that blushing idiot, who seemed like more of an extension to loud-mouth McKinnon than anything else, in the middle of a Professor-organised party.

“I don’t want to talk to you, Severus,” Lily said firmly.

His lips thinned at the formality. “Just a moment,” He pleaded, hating the way his voice wobbled. Severus steeled himself. “What are you  _ doing _ , Lily?”

“You don’t know what happens in the bathroom?” She asked irritably. 

It was a stupid comeback that he would have expected from Potter or Black, and it needled him so much that his tone became furious. 

“ _ You  _ brought  _ them _ along tonight! We - we used to come to these together and now you just…  _ laugh  _ when they make complete idiots of themselves and you  _ cover  _ for their inane pranks? That’s not the Lily I know.”

“Good,” Lily shot back. “I don’t trust her judgment when she allowed you to treat me like you did for so long.”

Snape’s hand tightened on his goblet, his mind rejecting the jab. “We  _ are _ \- were friends. They’re manipulating you to think otherwise, I wish you could see that.”

Lily scoffed, and Macdonald slid her hand into hers. “ _ They’re _ my friends. I love being around them. I don’t think I liked being around you at all, in the end.”

Snape laughed bitterly, alarmingly close to losing his cool already. “ _ Potter,  _ your  _ friend?  _ As if he’d ever settle for that! That’s all he wants from you, Lily. The way he looks at you-”

“Maybe I  _ like _ the way he looks at me!” Lily snapped, her face flushed. The words hit Snape like a wall of sand, getting in his eyes and mouth and ears, and they ricocheted in the silence. There it was. 

Lily kept her chin high. “All the time you want to remind me of this promise you  _ think  _ I made you, Severus! Why can’t you ever let anything _ go?  _ And as far as promises go, I think you broke a pretty vital one first.” 

Snape barely heard anything after those first words. Lily, enjoying Potter’s pathetic flirting. Lily, wanting his hands and eyes on her. How could she do this to him? She had  _ sworn _ she didn’t care –

“Is this you punishing me?”

Lily shook her head in disdain. “Merlin’s beard, you’re a bloody narcissist. There is just no point talking to you. I will ask you,  _ again _ , to just stay away from me. Stay away from James.” The way her voice could make even  _ his  _ name sound sweet. Or, perhaps, it was the way she said it. Lily pulled Mary past him, and Snape recognised she still wore the same perfume. “Stay away from all of us.” The smell staled in his nose.

“Stay away from Regulus Black,” Snape responded coldly, even as his chest heaved. 

Lily hesitated before moving determinedly back into the light of the party with a relieved Macdonald by her side.

* * *

Lily pushed out into the throng of people and took in a large breath of air.

“Lil, are you all right?” Mary asked, biting her lip.

“Let’s just keep moving,” Lily said, squeezing her hand.

_ He thinks I should be more sensible?  _ She thought furiously.  _ Like I’m a child that needs looking after? Like James and the others are the dangerous, brainwashed fools? _

She hated the way being around Snape made her feel; it was a cold, uncomfortable feeling that reminded Lily now that she’d felt the echoing damp of their friendship long before he called her a mudblood.

Lily almost collided with James, who had been walking towards her. He reached out to put a hand on her arm, steadying her. Lily looked up into his face. Open, and lovely and warm. If Snape was now the blistering cold of a storm, then James had become the blazing fireplace inside.

James’ hazel eyes flickered in concern, “Lily, are you all right? I lost track of Snape for  _ one  _ second, Padfoot just had to get the last raspberry -”

She looped her arms around his neck in a fierce hug and squeezed her eyes shut without thinking for another moment. Lily was so grateful for him, no matter what confusing, warring feelings pushed about in her chest. He was worth that.

James’ arms encircled her without hesitation; pressing her to his chest firmly enough that she could swear his heart was beating extraordinarily fast. Lily’s eyes flew open to find Sirius, Remus and Peter stood behind James, barely repressing triplet smiles. She felt her face go red as she pulled out of his warm grip. She was at a busy  _ party _ . Shit, shit, right.

Lily went to shake her head, but Mary was having none of it. “Snape cornered us! He is  _ so _ …” she shuddered.

“Snape  _ cornered _ you?” Remus repeated urgently, his brow furrowing. 

James’ face darkened and Sirius slipped his wand out of his sleeve. They surged forward and Lily grabbed James by snagging her fist in the fabric of his jumper.

He jerked back, almost impatient. 

“Don’t,” she said firmly. “I don’t care about him, I just…” Lily tugged on the fabric she held meaningfully.  _ How ironic,  _ she thought as she held his stare sternly. The whole time Snape had been attempting to discredit James, it just made her anxious to be near him again. 

His shoulders relaxed after a long conflicted moment, and Lily released him, smoothing over the area of jumper she’d scrunched up with a palm, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath. 

“Sorry,” Lily muttered.

James rubbed a casual hand up the forearm raised to him. “Unnecessary, Evans.”

She smiled at the ground, suddenly bashful, before glancing at Sirius.

“He knows we spoke to your brother,” she warned. “I don’t know what that means for him - or you.”

Sirius sighed but he shook his head at Lily, “Snivellus’ rather special flattering hatred for me was, uh, well earned.” He shared a strange look with Remus, who then stared at the floor. “I’m going to keep an eye on Reg.”

“All of us will,” James assured him without hesitation. 

Lily’s eyes lingered wistfully on James’ face as he nodded to his best mate. It seemed like every second was more difficult than the last to be around him, but at the same time he made each moment easier. That couldn’t be good news in terms of her self-preservation.

The soft jazz music swelled up and around their little group, the voices and laughter finally permeating Lily’s brain fog. She was suddenly aware that she was flushed and her skin felt like static next to James. Plus, she was staring at him like he was carved out of chocolate. 

She stepped one tiny step away from him, and he frowned at her moving feet. 

“How’d it go anyway?” Lily asked Sirius, clearing her throat. 

Sirius clamped his lips together, “Well, he hasn’t skipped off to burn bridges with my family, put it that way.”

Lily snorted, but her eyes were sympathetic, “It’s a start.”

She held out her hand to him.

He raised his eyebrows in question.

“Give me that flask.”

“Evans!”

James’ laughter was a mix of delight and concern, “That’s strong stuff. Padfoot’s completely ruined his taste buds.”

Peter grimaced, “I tried to break into the Ravenclaw Common Room last time I drank that.” 

“With underwear on your head,” Remus added conversationally. 

“ _ My  _ underwear,” Sirius’ pulled a face, but his tone suggested that he had thoroughly enjoyed the spectacle. 

James laughed in memory, and fixed Lily with a skeptical look. “You can’t say we didn’t warn you.”

_ I thought you were more sensible than this, Lily.  _ If Snape thought she was doing something wrong, she had no doubt that she was actually doing something very right for once. And she’d like to keep it going that way.

“These parties  _ really  _ suck,” Lily said in answer.

Sirius snorted and slipped the flask from his inside pocket. “Then it’d be my pleasure.”

Lily snagged a goblet from the nearby table and turned her back on Slughorn’s line of vision, leaning her shoulder into James to form a wall between them and Slughorn’s line of sight. James raised his eyebrows as she tipped a generous amount of liquid from Sirius’ flask into the goblet. 

“An hour ago you were telling me off for barely spiking the punch,” Sirius pretended to dab at a tear on his cheek. “This is beautiful.”

James deftly slipped the flask back into Sirius’ pocket as Lily took a sip and scrunched up her face, making them all burst out laughing, Mary included.

“Bleeding Agrippa, that’s foul!” She announced, choked coughs giving way to her own laugh.

“Of course it is!” Sirius agreed proudly.

Lily offered it to Mary who wrinkled her nose, “I can’t drink that. Mar will love it, though. Where is she?”

“Right here,” Marlene grinned from behind her. “Drinking lethal substances again, Black?”

“Only if you’ll join us, McKinnon,” Sirius tossed her the flask, and she caught it with one hand, sticking her tongue out at him. 

Mary looked around, curious. “Has  _ anybody _ seen Alice and Frank?” 

“No, actually! Maybe we should be worried,” Lily touched her healed arm instinctively. 

Sirius shook his head, “Don’t think like that. If they have any sense, they’ll have realised that all of their mates that constantly hang around them are here tonight and use the uninterrupted time wisely.” 

The group snickered except for Mary, whose skin flushed darker and Lily, who suddenly couldn’t look James in the eye. She breathed through her nose and took another disgusting gulp of her drink. 

“Blimey, Lil, should I be concerned?” Marlene raised her eyebrows.

“Definitely,” she replied hoarsely. 

James plucked Lily’s goblet filled with what was essentially poison from her hand. She watched him bring it to his lips and swallow, thinking about how him drinking from her cup probably sent off  _ all _ the wrong signals, but ultimately, how lucky the damn goblet was.

_ Hello, new low. I’m Lily.  _

She blushed furiously, realising he was watching her do it. Flames replaced the blood in her veins. Naturally, the best thing to do in order to distract from this blunder was take the goblet back and down the whole thing herself. It burned on the way down and he laughed out loud, the sound slipping down her spine.

“Don’t let me embarrass myself,” Lily joked as an afterthought to Mary and Marlene

Marlene smirked, “Right.” 

“ _ Wrong, _ ” Sirius amended, grinning wickedly. 

* * *

Marlene usually couldn’t stand the Slug Club. She thought that Slughorn was a pompous social climber whose views on magical bloodlines may not be as harsh and disdainful as Voldemort, but they certainly weren’t right. She especially couldn’t stand it tonight. Not with her palms sweating on the goblet she held and with her feet that couldn’t stop moving.

Mentally she hadn’t left the bathroom with Mary. She shouldn’t have stared, but she was only human, and Mary had stared  _ back _ . She didn’t even laugh like when they had a dumb staring contest. The slight stain to her cheeks would torment Marlene for weeks. Forever, maybe.

Ugh, she had to be strong. Marlene knew all the side effects of liking someone you couldn’t have by now, and wishful thinking delusions were top of the list. Sirius’ disgusting concoction from his hip flask was doing wonders, however, and Marlene wasn’t hiding the scowl she shot at the several boys chatting to Mary by the punch bowl.  _ What a bunch of morons,  _ she thought.  _ Like they could ever know her like I do.  _

Marlene shook herself and grabbed a treacle tart from the table. She spun around and walked directly into none other than Benjy Fenwick.

He beamed at her. She was just about taller than him, which made her feel better.

“Hi, McKinnon.”

“You,” she narrowed her eyes.

Benjy raised his eyebrows. “Ouch?”

“We were partners in Charms, not married, Fenwick.”

“I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Well, I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Why not?”

Marlene scoffed. “Typical. You’re a prick, that’s why.”

Benjy’s face smoothed out in realisation, “Ah. Mary?”

“Don’t say her name like that,” Marlene snapped. “Boys, you’re all the same.”

Benjy sighed, and shoved his hands in his pockets. He had not a single hair out of place, but his neck was pink with embarrassment, or shame. “Spin the bottle is a game, McKinnon.”

“You messing with Mary  _ isn’t _ ,” Irritation scratched at Marlene’s skin and she had a right mind to toss her wand away and smack Fenwick in the nose. She folded her arms and seethed at him instead. 

He glanced around before speaking again, “I could say the same to you, you know.” 

“What?” She shot back. 

“Lucy’s  _ my  _ friend. You’ve ignored her, haven’t you?” Benjy asked expectantly. 

“Hey, Lucy has been ignoring  _ me _ , she’s the one who left the party and-” Marlene’s sentence skidded in its tracks. The music was suddenly deafeningly loud, and everybody felt stiflingly close. She forced herself to breathe normally as she digested what she’d just realised. “What… what has Lucy said to you exactly?” Marlene narrowed her eyes, sliding anger over her fear.

Benjy swallowed. “Listen, McKinnon, it’s not a big deal. Lucy’s my friend…” 

Marlene’s heart sunk straight through to the floor.  _ Benjy Fenwick knew?  _ Benjy Fenwick,  _ Mary’s crush, _ knew before the one person in the world she was dying to tell. Her hand shook around her goblet, and she stared at her red painted nails. They were already chipped from practise. Mary had tutted at them earlier. 

“I don’t know what the hell you think you know,” Marlene fought to keep her voice from breaking. “But if you’ve told anyone-”

“I wouldn’t do that,” Benjy said quickly, clearly offended. “I’m not  _ that _ much of a prick.”

Marlene thought about arguing, but then decided that pissing him off wasn’t in her best interests. What kind of person ambushed someone in the middle of Slug Club like that? Her anger was returning, but it was clawing at the dominating nausea. 

Benjy’s brow was furrowed in contemplation and when he spoke again, it was kinder. She hated that just as much. “I really had no idea you weren’t…”

“Why were you staring at Mary and me? Earlier.” 

Marlene hadn’t expected those words, and her eyes widened almost comically. Benjy Fenwick was less surprised. 

He cleared his throat, “Why are you asking me why I was staring at you and Mary?” He responded pointedly, and his eyes wisely darted to Marlene’s wand tucked in the folds of her dress. Merlin, that should have made her feel good. But she only felt like he’d cracked open her chest to take a good look at her heart. This useless, pretty idiot could see it. The boy that Mary swooned over had probably been  _ laughing at her  _ this whole time. 

Marlene sniffed, feeling the telltale warmth behind her eyes. She downed her spiked drink and shoved the goblet against Fenwick’s chest so that he was forced to catch it. 

She pushed past a couple of people to shouts of annoyance but she barely noticed. She felt sick with alcohol and  _ stupid,  _ crushed hope. 

The moment with Mary in the bathroom was covered in impenetrable ice. She’d never have a pickaxe big enough to shatter it, to make it real, and apparently Benjy Fenwick knew it.

* * *

Remus had watched Marlene’s golden hair disappear through the sheer midnight blue curtains that Slughorn had arranged to cover the old door of his dungeon classroom and set his drink down before he’d even thought about it. She’d left a perplexed Benjy Fenwick in her wake, and he had seen enough to know of  _ that _ dynamic to suspect why Marlene disliked him so much. Mary was oblivious, facing away from her best friend’s speedy exit and laughing as Lily tossed Bertie Bott’s beans into Sirius’ and James’ mouths to see who could catch the most (or she tried to). 

Marlene was fast, and Remus wouldn’t have caught up with her had she not stopped to sit at the base of the stairs. She wiped away obvious tears at his approach and plastered on a poor smile they both knew she was forcing.

“How smashed is Lily now?” she joked.

Remus laughed softly, “Rather appropriately.” 

He was furious at Snape, and he was even more furious at himself for being too wary, too scared of provoking him knowing the information about Remus’ condition that he knew. Remus barely comforted himself that Lily didn’t seem to want a huge scuffle anyway. Even tipsy, she had been keeping one hand on James’ sleeve like she knew she’d literally have to anchor him to her to stop him from retaliating. That, and Remus also suspected that she was starting to like it when James was close.

He settled on the step below Marlene.

“Are you all right?”

Marlene sniffed and sighed, pushing her hair back. “Yeah,” Then, “Have you ever wanted something you can never have?”

As always, the full moon flashed before his eyes, beaming and terrible. A life without it was impossible, but that didn’t stop him from imagining it. Sometimes at night he dreamed so vividly that when he awoke, for the first few minutes of the day he was sure he’d never been bitten. But Remus knew what Marlene meant.

“I think so,” He replied, and when their eyes met she was surprised.

Marlene considered Remus and tilted her head. Her eyes were still damp. “Whatever you’re thinking about me is true,” She sighed, resigned.

“What I think hardly matters,” assured Remus gently.

“Yes it does,” Marlene protested. “Lily values your opinion above most people’s,” She let out a watery laugh at his embarrassed smile, “And rightly so!” She nudged him.

Remus exhaled, still smiling at his knees as he stretched out his legs into the deserted corridor. “Marlene, everyone that  _ matters _ just wants you to be happy and… that includes Mary,” He told her carefully. Marlene chewed her lip but she didn’t protest. “I don’t think that Fenwick matters, personally,” He ventured casually, but he looked at her with his grey eyes pointedly. 

She snorted at that. Of course Remus never missed a trick. 

“Yet he seems to keep cropping up like a recurring nightmare,” She eyed him appreciatively. “I like your ruthless side, Lupin.”

“Thank you,” Remus grinned. “You know, you don’t have to tell me anything at all but...”

Marlene rolled her wand between her fingers, and they both watched the torchlight reflect in the small gem embedded at the end of the wood. “Even if I didn’t…  _ you know  _ Mary,” She said hesitantly, and Remus thought it best not to speak, to let her own thoughts flow. “Fenwick doesn't like her. But I feel like intervening with her love life now is… abusing my position as best friend! How can I ever be truthful again about boys she likes when I wish she wouldn’t like  _ any _ ?”

“You’re too hard on yourself. Nobody looks out for Mary like you do. Even with secret feelings, you could never hurt her.” 

“She’ll be hurt when she finds out that five people knew before she did.”

“You can tell her. We’ll all be right behind you.” 

“Not physically, I hope. That might be a bit weird,” Marlene huffed a laugh before she sighed heavily and leaned back. “Everything changes when I tell Mary. I won’t be the girl secretly crushing on her best friend pretending it  _ could  _ be real. I’ll kind of miss her.”

Remus smiled sadly, “And yet…”

“And yet I have to do it. Fenwick knows…  _ you  _ guessed. I couldn’t bear it if she found out from somebody else. Man, you give good advice.” 

“You already knew, Mar. I just have one of those faces.”

Remus reached out to squeeze her shoulder, and she patted his hand gratefully. They sat in silence until the dungeon door banged open in the distance and music rolled through the corridor to their steps. 

“Are you going back in?” He asked. 

Marlene released a breath. “Yeah,” She smiled, wiping at her tear tracked face, and stood. “What the heck, I want to be that girl one last time.” She held out a hand to Remus and hauled him up. “Thank you, Remus. Or - what do the boys call you? Moony.” 

“You’re welcome,” Remus grinned. “I promise they don’t have a nickname for you.”

“Or you’re much too nice to tell me what it is.”

They laughed as they strolled back toward the party. Marlene began fiddling with her hair and wiping at the black marks her mascara had left. Remus watched her signature bolshy confidence return with each step in marvel.

“Keep me away from Fenwick?” Marlene said to him. “I’ve had just enough of Sirius’ cocktail that I might swing at him now.” 

“You got it.”

* * *

James’ arm shot out to wrap around Lily’s waist, pulling her out of the way of a floating golden tray laden with drinks. Her red hair danced through the air as she spun into him, laughing. 

To say that the contents of Sirius’ flask had gone straight to Lily’s head was an understatement. Within thirty minutes she’d told Slughorn that his dress robes were “top of the range” and made up some sort of jive with Sirius. James, as a consequence, had not drunk anything else because Lily had taken to using him as a leaning device (not that he minded one bit), and Snape was still in the room, casting not-so-subtle eyes over her every so often that made James want to break his massive nose. Sometimes he really hated being the bigger person. 

“ _ Oof!  _ Hmm, hello, Potter,” she said happily, blinking up at him. 

Actually, being the bigger person was bloody worth it. 

“Good Merlin, Evans, you must be steaming,” James shook his head with laughter, hoisting her properly upright with one arm, his other holding the drink she’d abandoned - perhaps for the best. She smelled intoxicatingly good and having given up on standing independently her body pressed to his. James had taken to clearing his throat three times a minute to stay calm and cool. 

Her small hand now snaked around his waist, latching onto the support. She sighed heavily, completely unaware of the fire trail it left through his jumper. 

“Hey, did I tell you that  _ you  _ look good?” Lily asked suddenly, squinting at his face. James squinted right back through his frames and she huffed a laugh that fanned over his face, making him feel as unsteady as Lily was. “You know, earlier… you said  _ I  _ look unfairly good,” Her face flushed and she laughed in embarrassment. “I always think you look good but I get too shy to say it, you know? So did I?”

He smirked, “No, you didn’t. You’re very mean, Evans.” 

“ _ To keep them keen…”  _ Lily half sang, and when she grinned James’ throat stuck as he shook his head in mock horror. Merlin, she was perfect, and she was clinging to him at a fancy party with a secret smile just for him. With her emerald eyes fixed on his, James could almost pretend that she was really his. Lily pinched his waist, like he’d done so many times to her, but her tipsy state made it slower and deliberate. “You  _ do _ look good. But you know that.”

James' heart flipped, and he felt his neck go red. “Ah, but, looking good is one thing.  _ Lily Evans  _ thinking I look good is entirely different.” 

Lily rolled her eyes but her words tumbled into one another, “Does that work on all the girls?” 

James shrugged, “Don’t ask me. I save all the good lines for you.” 

Lily sucked in a breath that he probably wouldn’t have heard if he wasn’t so hyper aware of everything she did. 

“You make it so hard to…” Lily muttered, and all James could feel was the way her fingers fiddled with the material of his jumper. She blinked suddenly, and groaned. “You’re right. Sirius has poisoned me.” 

“I  _ warned  _ you, Evans,” He stayed looking at her as her eyes scanned the crowd with vague interest. “Your vomit is going to be bright pink, too.” 

She wrinkled her nose at him just as he internally slapped himself for talking about  _ vomit.  _ Sometimes James was so comfortable around Lily he half forgot he was supposed to be charming the pants off her. Figuratively speaking, of course. 

“That’s it, Potter, talk to me about my chunder. I’m definitely going to lose our little game now.” Her voice was completely dry but James couldn’t help the grin that spread across his lips. Lily was full of surprises. And in his book, if she was thinking about it, he was winning. 

He said as much and Lily sucked her teeth.

“I’m drunk, I’ll say anything!” She disentangled herself and flapped her arms around to prove her mania. 

What James didn’t know was that he didn’t even have to try and be charming for her to be flustered. Sometimes he’d be doing absolutely nothing, like right now. He was just standing with a hand in his pocket, still laughing at her madness as he nodded at a member of the Ravenclaw Quidditch team who skirted past them. And yet, Lily’s stupid, excitable heart raced and swallowing became difficult. Merlin, she liked hanging out with him so much. She was so glad he was here even though she was steaming and making an idiot out of herself. He was always being an idiot and never cared what anyone thought anyway - she liked that, too. It completely terrified her. 

James raised his eyebrows at Lily in amusement, “Earth to Evans! You’re staring at me.” He was far too happy. Smug bastard. 

“I’m just thinking about where to aim my pink vomit later,” she smiled widely at him. “Your jumper or your hair?” 

The two girls, Sadie and Krisha, wondered past Lily and James, both eyeing him hopefully. Damn, Marlene was right about those two. She was a little tempted to give Sadie a warning. 

Lily glanced back at James to see if he was looking at them just in time to see his gaze had actually been lingering on her mouth. She bit her cheek and a smile twisted her lips that she had behind her hand as he immediately began messing with his hair. Perhaps she was a bit of a smug bastard, too. 

“There you are!” Remus, Sirius and Peter bounded into their little bubble. 

“How’s my little party entourage?” Lily spread her arms out to gesture them all. 

Their faces all perked up at that, “Not too bad at all. The food here makes the abominable guest list somewhat bearable.” 

“Plus Peter’s about to ask that girl out to Hogsmeade,” Sirius added merrily, making Peter blush. 

“Don’t tell  _ everyone!”  _ He complained. “If she says no it’ll be so embarrassing.”

Lily tutted sympathetically, “Aw, Peter. If she says no, you can ask her out one hundred times more. Isn’t that your group policy?” 

Sirius and Remus guffawed with delight. Peter seemed slightly unsettled by the parting advice as he left. James raised his eyes to the ceiling, a good natured smile on his lips. “Everyone’s got a move,” He argued.

Lily laughed, turning her gaze onto him. “That’s not a move, James, that’s relentless optimism.” Her eyes teased him, and there was nothing of the irritation and disgust that she once wore when the subject was raised. James raised his eyebrows as if to say ‘ _ That so?’.  _

“Some would say harassment,” Sirius added gleefully. 

“Cheers, Padfoot.”

Lily snapped her finger at Sirius. “I was being kind,” she said to James. 

James didn’t drop her gaze in a challenge, lips pressed together in a barely contained smirk like he used to when she’d scowl and march off, or simply fling a hex his way. It was hitting him how much had changed between them. At the friend he’d gained (or gained back), at how much higher the stakes were now that her emerald eyes twinkled the way they did. Had she ever discussed his asking her out so fondly? James was driving himself crazy trying to read all the signs. It either meant she no longer cared, or she liked him enough for it to maybe be… appealing? Both had the power to shatter him. 

Sirius shoved James’ shoulder, “A weaker man would have caved after rejection number five. I’ve always admired your complete lack of self-preservation.”

“I’ve always admired your bravery in wearing that jacket,” James shot back, flicking an invisible bit of fluff from his shoulder. 

“Sod off, Prongs. Lily loves my jacket, don’t you, Red?” Sirius turned to her, expectant. She smiled like she knew a great secret and nodded.

“Aha!”

James sighed at Lily, “Thanks for that.”

“What?” She shrugged. “Sirius just has better style.” 

Remus laughed, and Sirius began dancing on the spot with triumph over James. Lily wasn’t finished though, and she added almost as an afterthought, “You look better to me anyway.” 

James choked on a disbelieving laugh, whilst Sirius froze mid-dance to gawp. Remus’ eyebrows were in his hairline as he sipped his drink and stared at the party streamers above. James’ hand jumped to his hair and her lips ticked up at the gesture. She rolled her eyes like it was nothing. She was definitely drunk. 

“Only you can make Prongs speechless, Lily,” Remus looked like he was rather enjoying himself. Sirius had recovered and he clamped his mouth shut to hold back a thousand innaprorpiate jokes. 

“Yeah,” Lily said airily, but her eyes snagged on James and behind the mistiness of alcohol there was something behind them. She inhaled sharply. “Where’s Marlene?” 

She wandered off into the crowd suddenly, and James’ eyes followed the back of her head through the crowd like a mirage in the desert.

“Did she just…?” He trailed off, finally looking at his mates’ grins.

“Say you’re better looking than Padfoot without a hint of sarcasm?” Remus said helpfully. “Yes.”

James’ broke out into a delighted laugh, and he shoved Sirius playfully. “Bad luck, Pads.”

Sirius’ grin was utterly mischievous, but he jostled James back. “She said you look  _ better.  _ That’s not exactly the Merlin’s Order of compliments.”

“But she’s seen me without a shirt on, that makes all compliments double the value,” James shot back like it was a Transfiguration debate. 

Sirius nodded, “You know, mate, that’s true.” 

Remus looked politely baffled by this logic but decided not to bother fighting this one. 

But James didn’t care about the level of flattery, he cared that she thought it at all, that she was feeling bold enough to say something she wouldn’t have two months ago… two  _ weeks  _ ago. His stomach felt like it was fizzing. 

“What are you talking about?” Peter emerged from the throng to stand with them, drink in hand.

“They’re arguing over who’s better looking,” Remus explained. 

“We’re not arguing,” James disputed. “Lily said it was me.”

Peter’s eyebrows jumped up. “Really?” 

“Oh, she  _ would.  _ She stares at him enough now! Poor girl, no taste,” Sirius tutted and James couldn’t help but grin at his staring comment. 

“Don’t worry, we think you’re very pretty, Pads,” Remus cooed, and Sirius pretended to blush - or actually just blushed. 

“So, Wormtail? How’d it go with the girl?” James asked expectantly. 

“If she said yes, would I be here?” Peter pointed out glumly. 

“Sorry, mate.”

Sirius patted him rather aggressively on the back, and he stumbled forward a step. “Hey, don’t worry. Give it a year and a half and she’ll ask you to the Slug Club.”

James flicked Sirius’ ear. 

Peter looked at James, confused, “By the way, why did she just ask me where you were when she was just here?”

James hummed in amusement, and a warm feeling rushed through him. “She’s pissed,” he said fondly, clapping Peter on the shoulder as he followed Lily into the crowd. He had no interest in being far away from her for longer than this either. 

* * *

“Evans,” James pulled up a chair next to Lily. He’d lost her for a minute to stare down Snape, and found her again at one of the few deserted tables set up. “Have you told a few people I’m saving myself for McGonagall by any chance?”

Lily burst into giggles instantly, poorly smothering them with her hand. She worked hard to school her face into innocence as she met his gaze.

“I’m sorry; did you not want people to know?”

James couldn’t help but grin at the mischievous glint in her eye and the twitching in her jaw. She was so much cheekier than people gave her credit for.

“I won’t deny that the chemistry between Minnie and I is there,” He began, causing Lily to relapse into giggles. “But I was rather surprised to hear it was  _ you _ telling people.”

“Well!” Lily flung her arms up haphazardly. “I got bored with people asking me if you’re seeing anybody. Nobody asks  _ you _ if I’m single!” She pouted.

James snorted, and leaned his elbow on the back of Lily’s chair, expertly casually making their faces closer. “There’s a reason for that, Evans.” 

_ Right,  _ Lily thought sluggishly.  _ He used to jinx anybody who tried _ .

“Oh yeah,” She turned to look at him, noticing he was closer than before. “I should have just told those girls  _ that _ . It would put normal people off you.”

James bit down on a smirk, and Lily knew he was remembering the same thing she was: her admitting she missed his jealousy when Brailey was such a git.

“Who wants normal anyway?” James asked airily, and Lily crossed her arms over herself so that she wouldn’t do something stupid like wrap them around him. Merlin, it was  _ painfully  _ hard not to do with the alcohol loosening her muscles.

“Even if they’re extremely bubbly and athletic?” Lily replied, sneaking a look at him and thinking of Sadie.

“Even then,” James’ smile was soft and pleased. “I’m very busy, what with Quidditch, homework, detentions and trying to get a very gorgeous and very weird prefect to kiss me.”

Lily dropped her gaze very deliberately. Merlin, it was hot. In the room, not - oh for God’s sake. 

“When you say trying you mean failing.”

“For now.”

“For -”

James dropped his hand to her shoulder and squeezed, effectively cutting her off. His hazel eyes may as well have been lasers trained on her. Lily didn’t break his stare until she leaned her cheek on his hand. Why were Professors always confiscating alcohol? It was great; it let people enjoy the warmth and closeness of their unfairly fit friend with barely any guilt.

“Evans?” James said.

“Potter?” She replied softly, but she was mostly thinking about how much she’d always thought his voice was attractive. Who had an attractive  _ voice?  _ Roger Moore as James Bond, sure, but James? Was that fair when he had so much in his arsenal already?

He continued, voice filled with amusement, “I’m the last person on  _ earth _ to tell you to get off me. Trust me, I hate how sensible I am – that’s your fault. But there are a few Professors here and you nuzzling me in public just isn’t part of your usual sober behaviour.”

“Oh, shit,” She mumbled and James laughed. She pulled her head up to avoid any more staring. “You cannot let me look pissed, James!”

“I won’t!” He promised. He was fully chuckling now, unable to keep the delight out of his tone. “Let’s go back to Padfoot, he’s so smashed he makes you look like a model student.”

“That sounds far,” Lily complained but she stood, smoothing down the hem of her dress because she really had grown out of it. She was an idiot for wearing it, but the thrill of excitement when James’ eyes followed her hands before immediately glancing away like he’d been burned, she also felt sort of like a genius.

She wanted to slide her fingers between his as they weaved through the groups of people but just about remembered why she shouldn’t. Instead she watched his fingers flex several times by his side. He seriously could never be still. 

“Evans!” Sirius cupped a hand around his mouth as she approached Remus, Peter and himself, causing several people to look over. Lily shushed Sirius even as she giggled. She put two hands around her mouth.

“Padfoot!” She whispered loudly, missing James’ grin at the nickname coming from her. “If I hadn’t drunk half of that hip flask, I’d dock you about a million points for it.”

Sirius snorted and flung his arm around her, “But is this party not now ridiculously more fun?”

Lily tipped her head back against his arm to consider, her hair slipping off her neck so that she was marginally cooler in the stuffy dungeon. “It’s definitely going by faster. Or maybe time has just sped up. Hey, wouldn’t a time turner be cool?”

James, Remus and Peter all whacked Sirius on the arm, head and shoulder respectively as he opened his mouth to no doubt tell Lily of the many nights they’d spent discussing the legitimacy of stealing one. The thing about becoming illegal animagi was the sense of reckless confidence it gave them to discuss outlandish ideas like that, but Lily wasn’t  _ that _ drunk. 

Marlene and Mary came out of nowhere, the latter hanging off the former’s arm. 

“Lily! You’ve been running round this party like a headless chicken all bloody night,” Marlene complained. 

Mary nodded, “I haven’t seen you since you told me that James is saving himself for Professor McGonagall.” 

Lily bit her lip and accepted Sirius’ high five, obviously pleased with herself. “I missed you,” She said to them, smiling blithely. 

“Oh, Merlin, you summoned her!” Peter’s eyes had widened like two round sickles. 

They all followed his gaze to see their favourite tall,  _ very strict  _ teacher walking straight towards them. Professor McGonagall wasn’t smiling but she wasn’t frowning with her usual long suffering disapproval either, making her look downright jubilant. 

“Ah, here she comes. Radiance in tartan robes!” Sirius sighed contentedly, and Lily laughed, holding her hand up to form a poor wall between her mouth and the rest of them. 

“Don’t you mean Mrs Potter?” she asked him. Sirius’ laugh was booming and they began elbowing each other like ten year old girls. 

James and Remus exchanged one bewildered, half-amused look. 

“Split them up?”

“Quickly.”

James sandwiched himself in between his best mate and Lily, sorely wishing he could have let the situation play out. But sober Lily would definitely not thank him for a detention tomorrow night. She looked up at him now as panic slowly dawned in her eyes, her slower reactions finally catching up to exactly what was happening. 

“Crap, crap, you have to help me!” Lily grabbed onto his sleeve. “She  _ cannot know _ .” 

“I’m  _ trying  _ to help you _ , _ ” James’ voice was full of laughter and she had one brief second to scowl at him before McGonagall stood in front of them. 

“How unusual to see the four of you in attendance tonight,” She looked at the Marauders for a long moment each. “I trust you’re not causing any trouble?” 

Sirius gasped, “Trouble? We don’t know the meaning of the word -  _ oof!”  _

Remus was smiling tightly, having just smacked Sirius squarely in the back. He slung an arm around his shoulders now. “Lily kindly brought us along.” 

McGonagall’s surprise was mild and quickly disguised. She gave Lily her closest gesture to a smile, before her clever eyes dropped to where Lily’s fingers encircled James’ wrist like a vice. If curiosity and shock had passed over her face, James could never have pinpointed it. Lily hadn’t said a word to their Professor, who looked at her expectantly. James kept his signature grin in place and moved their joined arms behind them. He slid his fingers into her delicate ones and squeezed, hard. 

“Hi, Professor,” Lily said, almost normally. She cleared her throat and her fingers flexed in his. “I’m attempting to broaden their social circles,” She said, in that knowing, joking way Lily had with teachers. She’d earned it, and her fingers squeezing his told him she was very scared to lose it. 

McGonagall’s mouth twitched. “Of course. As long as you are all well?” She asked their circle, her gaze switching to Marlene, whose scar on her brow from the attack lingered. Mary rubbed a hand up Marlene’s arm comfortingly. 

“We’re fine,” Marlene’s voice was warm, but her smile seemed strained. 

McGonagall nodded. “You look flushed, Miss Evans,” she commented suddenly. “I shall ask Professor Slughorn to open some of these windows. I must admit that I have always been relieved my classroom is not down here.” 

Their teacher swept away, and they all burst into uncertain, giddy laughter. 

“Very good performance, Red,” Sirius clapped. 

“Unlike you,” Marlene sniggered. “Lily, only you could come up with ‘broadening their social circles’ when pissed.”

“My circle feels very much broadened, for what it’s worth,” James said seriously and Lily glanced up at him. 

“I’m so glad,” Lily squeezed his hand once more before quickly detangling their fingers as Marlene strode to them.

With a somewhat shaky breath, Lily accepted her friend’s hug, her heartbeat in her ears and James’ phantom hand still in hers. 

“Mar, are you all right?” 

Marlene smiled despite the weight on her chest. “I’m all right. Just needed that good Lily lovin’. Nothing that can’t wait til tomorrow,” she laughed, scrutinising Lily’s face. “When your pupils aren’t like one millimetre small!”

Mary appeared and tucked into Lily’s side. “How in the name of Merlin are you so gone, Lily?” She peered into her guilty face. 

“You know,” Marlene leaned close to James to speak. “She didn’t eat a lot at dinner. Very  _ nervous. _ ” She wiggled her eyebrows and James’ flustered smile didn’t prevent the light elbow he sent to her ribs. Marlene laughed, she was grateful for something as normal as her back and forth with James to still be intact tonight. 

“I may feel legally dead but I can still  _ hear you _ ,” Lily mumbled, poking Marlene with two index fingers. 

James smirked proudly down at her, “Pissed as anything but still smarter than most people in this room.” 

“Shut up, ulterior motive,” Lily complained even as she leaned her head against his arm. Ugh, she was so helpless at this point. 

Marlene rolled her eyes, “You’re both gross. And you need to  _ go _ , Lil. I’m scared you’re going to hit on Slughorn or something.”

Lily blew out a breath, “You’re right, that was a bit too close. Either that or I’ll have a nap right  _ here _ ,” Her knees bent as if to make a point and James’ arm darted out but she didn’t fall. “Will you take me?” 

Marlene glanced at Mary. She didn’t want to leave the last night they had together as what they’d always been: best friends with nothing to complicate that.

Soon she’d tell her everything. And that’d be it. 

“I’ll take you,” James said before Marlene could even ask.  _ If  _ she’d even ask.

Marlene grinned gratefully, “At least you’ll enjoy it when she hits on you.”

James raised his eyebrows, “A win for everybody,” He said drily, before slipping an arm around Lily’s waist. Marlene bit her lip to stop from smirking at the change in his facial expression. An amused, heartbreakingly adoring smile lit his features as he gazed down at her best friend. “Come on, Trouble. I’m escorting you to Gryffindor tower.”

Lily attempted a scowl, but her fingers squeezed his hip so tightly he actually jumped. She was beginning to feel so tired that she didn’t pay any heed to the several pairs of eyes that watched her leave Slughorn’s party arm in arm with James Potter. 

* * *

James hoisted Lily over the threshold into the Common Room. She didn’t quite need to be lifted, but she wasn’t telling  _ him _ that. 

“Ouch, James!”

“Oh, ouch,  _ James?  _ What about when you elbowed me three times on the way here?”

Lily mumbled something that sounded a lot like ‘baby’, and he huffed a laugh. James guided them to one of the sofas and she happily rolled onto it, sighing and letting her eyes fall shut to steady the spinning world below them. After a moment, she cracked open one eye. If sober Lily was becoming increasingly familiar with James, then drunk Lily actively sought him out. It took her a good few moments to register that he was taking her shoes off. She reached her hands out to grab at his, but of course completely missed. 

“You’re actually pawing at me, Evans,” James laughed.

“ _ You’re _ undressing me,” Lily shot back.

“I’m taking off your shoes, you deranged woman. I’m not leaving you with these stabbing devices on, you’ll bloody kick me.  _ Again,” _ He said pointedly, pinching her calf so that she shrieked with laughter. When she reached out again, she successfully caught his jumper in her fist and pulled him onto the sofa.

“Deranged?” Lily demanded. Her leg was caught up in his now, and the warmth of him was everywhere.

James shifted onto his elbow with some difficulty to blink innocently at her. “Did I say deranged woman? I mean to say deranged angel.”

Lily was completely relaxed, and her red hair fanned out against the back of the sofa as she looked down at her freckled nose at him. Her face was so close, her whole  _ body  _ was so close, and they were jumbled up on the sofa in a way that even Lily couldn’t argue was friendly. Not when her breathing was loud and his heart beat a wild race against his ribs.

“You’re no gentleman,” she told him, thinking back to the beginning of the Slug Club. Merlin, she had been so  _ sober  _ then. Now she felt like she could do cartwheels all the way down into Hogsmeade. All she knew now was that her limbs felt like jelly and that James Potter was  _ very  _ good looking and incredibly warm. 

James’ hand came to rest on her thigh before he’d properly thought it through. His brain was nothing but a Lily fog now, and her dress had cinched up on the sofa, meaning that he was touching the bare skin of her leg and he suddenly was worried about how calloused his fingers were from Quidditch. Lily didn’t move, just stared at him like she was puzzling something out.  _ Now what, you idiot? _

James wasn’t about to try and seduce someone as pissed out of her head as Lily, but he couldn’t help but touch her just to reassure himself that she was real. The way she looked at him through alcohol hooded eyes was enough to make his throat dry and she probably had no idea. 

She blinked at him. “You’re thinking about kissing me,” Lily taunted, alcohol making her words singsong and wondering. All right, she had some idea. 

James felt his neck go red and he kept his eyes trained on hers, mostly for safety reasons. “You’re pissed, what do you know?” He jostled her leg with the hand on her thigh, skin burning. 

“I can  _ always  _ tell,” Lily sighed, like it was a great weight to bear. “It’s your eyes.”

James laughed and Lily made a grumbling noise of dissent. “Wait, are you serious?” 

“No, I’m Lily,” She said, before breaking out into peals of mad giggles. James groaned at the terrible joke but his grin won out, and they both basked in the electric joy that somehow soothed and unnerved them. 

“I thought you were better than that,” James told her, and Lily’s green eyes flickered. Her mind flashed to Snape, so unwelcome in this golden delicate moment with James. 

_ I thought you were more sensible than this _ . As though she was better than her friends! Peter, with his steady kindness, Sirius always on the verge of a booming laugh, and Remus with his secret talent of knowing exactly how people felt. Who was too good for that? Certainly not her. 

And James… James was a million things that Severus would never see. He was a thousand things she stupidly wished she could keep for herself. 

James’ tilted smile faltered, “Lil?” The nickname on his lips was the softest thing she’d ever heard. 

“I’m not,” She replied to his comment. Lily had decided she  _ was _ sensible. After all, it was the very sensible decision to finally cut Severus out of her life that gave her time to reassess and get to know the person that James had become, or always had been when she wasn’t paying attention. 

James’ hand was still on her thigh and she liked it far too much. Lily thought she could be an inch from death due to pneumonia and he’d warm her to the bone with this hand. 

“You’re not… better than that?” He looked utterly confused now. 

Lily was too muddled to explain it to him, she just thanked Merlin she was drunk on whatever actual poison was in Sirius’ hip flask when she used the last of her body strength to maneuver herself up and swing a leg so that she was straddling his hips. It was clumsy and her hair swept over his face but James’ hands fell onto her hips like his body had been waiting. His  _ face _ , however, had gone slack, and he swallowed hard.

Lily was on his lap. She was  _ way _ too close to - 

Merlin, why wasn’t  _ he  _ drunk? His eyes searched her still cloudy ones. 

“What are you doing?”

_ Oh, good one, James. Ask the girl of your dreams her reason for being in your lap. _

“Nothing,” she shrugged, apparently not put off but her cheeks tinged pink and the echo of her giggles lingered. 

Lily loved looking at him like this. Agrippa,  _ thank you alcohol.  _ Her head felt heavy with sleep but she fought it to stare down at him. She was always looking slightly  _ up _ at him - when he caught her off guard, when they walked the halls, when they were together in the broom cupboard, and when he pulled her against him in the library. But now she was the one penning him in. She wondered if anyone else had looked at him like this. Or - bugger, fine she  _ hoped _ nobody had. It was stupid, and selfish. But it was true. 

It was the kind of intimacy James had only dreamed of from Lily. Sure, her smile was dreamy and squinty with drink, but the way she reached out to him was like she couldn’t help it. He flexed his shaky hands on her hips to keep them still and Lily’s breath stumbled. She wanted him on some level. He couldn’t tell what, or how much, but the invisible string between them pulled tighter everyday. James didn’t even want to say that out loud lately, like he’d jinx it. Making that move in the library was beginning to seem insane until tonight. 

Lily frowned at him, gripping either side of his jaw and feeling the very slight stubble he seemed to have all the time now, like he never had time to shave or hadn’t gotten into the routine of it yet. Her lips pulled upwards at the thought of his sporadic and chaotic approach to things, and how different it was to hers. It was such a small, dumb thing but it warmed Lily’s chest. James’ mouth quirked in amusement at her random smiling, and she stared at it. Then he stopped smiling. She blinked heavily. His chest barely moved so she wondered if he was breathing. His pulse against her palm was racing her own. He seemed to be waiting for her with those eyes so careful looking up at her face. Careful, but a little darker than usual, and they pulled her in until they were practically nose to nose. 

James exhaled. “Be honest. Are you trying to kill me, Lily Evans?”

She smiled, and they were so close he had to glance down to catch it, “Damn, you got me. It’s a long game, but cleaner than poison.” Words were a mighty effort and her head was spinning, but Lily never wanted to move. 

“Are you doing okay in there?” James moved one hand to tap at her temple gently. He kept his other hand on her hip and rubbed his thumb absently. 

“No, actually,” Lily huffed. Her eyes were nearly closed, or staring at his nose, he couldn’t tell. “I drank so much, and you didn’t drink anything. I bet you think that I’ll lose and kiss you now, but I won’t.” 

_ Oh, shitting hell, shut up, Lily!  _ Her drunk self squashed sober Lily’s tiny voice into a splat, and she just stared at the boy in front of her - underneath her, even. 

“All right,” James shrugged, but his blood practically bubbled in response to her proximity. Just the words were dangerous when she was this close. If he crossed his eyes he’d count every freckle on her pale skin.

Lily exhaled again and this time James pressed his lips together and averted his gaze with tremendous effort.  _ She’s wasted. You swore you wouldn’t kiss her first. _

“Is that it then? So  _ easy  _ for big old flirt Potter to not give a toss?” Lily narrowed her eyes, hoping she came across as teasing and not betray the surprising hurt she felt. Was it karma, that James would start to care less as soon as she started to care significantly more? She rubbed her thumb along his cheekbone without thinking - not exactly playing it cool. He was annoying. He was also all she wanted to look at. Forget school, and life. Occupation: getting to stare at James at impossibly close distances so that nobody else gets the chance. 

James forced himself to look back at her and laughed in disbelief, “Who are you calling a flirt?” He asked, distracting himself from the fact that no, this was  _ not  _ easy. Her nose was scrunched up and she was fucking adorable drunk. 

“You, obviously.”

“I flirt with  _ you _ , yeah.”

Lily rolled her eyes dramatically, giving way to the alcohol in her system. “Lucky me!” She slurred, before mumbling. “You just  _ kiss  _ everyone else.” 

James’ heart nearly swelled out of his rib cage at the blatant, unbelievable jealousy. His eyes widened, momentarily distracted from the physical temptation. He couldn’t bloody believe his ears, his luck. James only smiled the kind of smile that couldn’t be contained and slid his hands from her hips up to her shoulder blades to pull her completely stupidly closer. Her forehead bumped his. 

“I distinctly remember telling you exactly what to do if you wanted me to kiss  _ you _ .” 

She could do it. She could just do it. She’d barely have to move and she could mess up his already messy hair like he was constantly doing for herself. God, it would be so easy and so good. 

Lily wrinkled her nose, “You can’t tempt me _ ,”  _ she informed him as her imagination ran riot. 

“You can’t tempt  _ me,”  _ He shot back. 

Liars. They were both such rotten, shit liars. 

The smell of her shampoo was everywhere and it was almost impossible not to close the gap between them and kiss her.  _ Almost.  _ Because with every difficult breath, James felt her in his arms and how close she was, and wanted her there forever. He remembered the deal he’d made with himself, with her. He couldn’t cope with kissing her once and Lily freaking out

completely about it. He just had to wait, wait, wait, and maybe when she kissed

him it’d stick. She’d want to do it again. A lot, hopefully. Forever, perhaps. 

_ Merlin, calm down,  _ he told himself. Except that was useless, ridiculous advice with Lily on his lap like she wanted to be his. 

The wind had begun to howl beyond the windows, but everything else was silent. There was just Lily and James breathing each other in, toeing the line and silently daring the other to cut the stupid thing altogether. They both wanted to. 

“You’re drunk, Lil,” James said gently, pushing strands of sunset red hair off her face. Their lips were so close she felt his words disturb the air. His voice was quiet now, careful. Lily wondered if he was holding himself back, or if that was wishful thinking. She was so tired. 

“Fine, I just…” Lily mumbled _.  _ James felt the moment she gave up the fight against sleep. Whether it was comfort or just how drunk she was, Lily didn’t move off him. She simply shifted and moved her face onto his shoulder, her mouth grazing the skin off his cheek as she did and James’ breath caught in shock. He stared at the fireplace, wondering why the hell his mates wouldn't choose  _ now  _ to burst in. Who was going to believe that Lily had - had… well, nearly killed him. 

James held her to him for a moment, breathing in the hair that was soft against his cheek, letting his heart rate gradually slow in time with her sleeping one. The weight of her trust settled on him like a cloak and he smiled slightly as he carefully unlocked her fingers from around his shoulders. He could sit there all night, but there was no way her position wouldn’t end in a severe neck cramp. Gently - and with difficulty, James laid Lily down on the sofa, catching her lolling head before it smacked the arm rest and artfully tugging the hem of her dress down. He pulled her feet onto his lap instead and sighed into the firelight of the empty Common Room, watching her oblivious, sleeping face and processing what had just happened. James ran two hands through his hair until it stuck up all over. 

Ten, maybe twenty minutes passed. James had sunk lower on the sofa, watching Lily sleep like a moon-eyed loser, when she began mumbling.

He smirked at her incoherent sentences, until she said the one word he really rather she wouldn’t.

James frowned. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much angst is coming it's gonna be delicious.   
> I ADORE YOU ALL.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you enjoyed!! I really would love to know what's working and what isn't. Obviously the story is going to be very Jily centric but I am really excited to write all the backstories and build up to the war.   
> -O


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